Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I guess annoy is too strong a word. Irk might be better. It irks me when someone in charge of a kid's activity feels the need to remind the adults that "modesty is a must". Really?? At the Christmas program?? I was going to send my kids in their undies but I guess since "modesty is a must" I'll have them wear sweaters. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annandatje Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 ...It irks me when someone in charge of a kid's activity feels the need to remind the adults that "modesty is a must". Really?? ... "Modesty is a must" is a vague command. The director should have provided a mandatory dress code if she felt she could not trust parents' judgment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Modesty is subjective. If the person in charge is looking for a specific look, he/she should spell out exactly what is needed. Also I do not think one should take such a suggestion personally. If one's children dress modestly I would think that one would decide the comment was meant for someone else. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I agree that it's vague and should be defined. However, I understand the sentiment because I was talking to a lady the other day who had attended a Christmas program. The kids were on risers, and as a result, skirts that may have been fine normally were revealing (as in, she could see little girl panties). She wasn't being self-righteous as she talked about her concern; she really was just upset that this happened, on behalf of the little girls who were unknowingly exposing their panties due to short dresses. Perhaps the warning comes from this perspective/intention. Just a thought... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. :iagree:Our group is very conservative and we STILL have to send out reminders, and STILL have had some inappropriate outfits. Don't know what some people are thinking... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Honestly I would think the person saying it was a perv. Huh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. :iagree: I agree that it's vague and should be defined. However, I understand the sentiment because I was talking to a lady the other day who had attended a Christmas program. The kids were on risers, and as a result, skirts that may have been fine normally were revealing (as in, she could see little girl panties). She wasn't being self-righteous as she talked about her concern; she really was just upset that this happened, on behalf of the little girls who were unknowingly exposing their panties due to short dresses. Perhaps the warning comes from this perspective/intention. Just a thought... typically, people who are not performers do not consider this problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I guess annoy is too strong a word. Irk might be better. It irks me when someone in charge of a kid's activity feels the need to remind the adults that "modesty is a must". Really?? At the Christmas program?? I was going to send my kids in their undies but I guess since "modesty is a must" I'll have them wear sweaters. :glare: I would probably have had a chuckle and thought the same as you :lol:. I would understand this request in the summer, unless you live in Hawaii (then it would make sense anytime I suppose). I don't think it would irk me, just one of those things that might cause you to role your eyes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jewellsmommy Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I guess annoy is too strong a word. Irk might be better. It irks me when someone in charge of a kid's activity feels the need to remind the adults that "modesty is a must". Really?? At the Christmas program?? I was going to send my kids in their undies but I guess since "modesty is a must" I'll have them wear sweaters. :glare: OK, I took this to mean like a Christmas party/craft/fun time type of thing. Is this right? Or, are we talking about a performance of some sort? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Honestly I would think the person saying it was a perv. Actually, I think I get what you are saying. It's not a stretch at all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 OK, I took this to mean like a Christmas party/craft/fun time type of thing. Is this right? Or, are we talking about a performance of some sort? I was thinking a Christmas program. I actually have a different opinion for each. Christmas program....I wouldn't mind a mention. Christmas party....It would irk me. Our youth leader reminds the teen girls to dress modestly even for church service and regular gatherings. Some of them show up with lots of cleavage showing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It would have gone in one ear and out the other ear. I think you are being a bit hypersensitive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. Right, but do those parents think their kids are immodest?? I don't think I've ever seen a parent send their child out (and this is a small group, 10 kids, all under age 12) in what they think are immodest clothes. So, saying it outloud is pointless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ErinE Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Yes. Unless it's in a church, in the Deep South, and there's a likelihood of tank tops and mini skirts. Then I would understand. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Rereading the original post, maybe this isn't even a show? Then what is it? What situation could possibly warrant the comment that involves a Christmas activity? oh....yeah. Good point there. I do understand reminders for performance type things...but then generally there is suggested attire (black bottom, white top type of thing) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Virg Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It annoys me too. It makes me feel like they think we are too stupid to dress our children. I understand why they do it though. We have had some pretty inappropriate costumes/outfits at church harvest parties and holiday parties but it is usually children who are visiting and nothing is said to them. Usually everyone is in their best Christmas outfits for a Christmas program/show however. Some people are just on power trips I think and can't come up with any better instructions. Before my mom's funeral we had a breakfast and my aunt took that time to lecture my brother and I (24 and 23 years old) on how we should wear modest clothing and not show any skin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I would think that there had been a problem of some kind with one family and the director is trying to address it without calling that person out. I would know that it didn't apply to my family and I wouldn't give it another thought. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Am I the only one that feels like my parenting is in question when people make statements such as this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iucounu Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It is a bit annoying, as a bit insulting and extremely vague. On the other hand, a friend of a good family friend sent her ten-year-old daughter out trick and treating as a "dirty angel", black corset, black fishnet stockings and all. I kid you not. I'm thinking that sometimes, warnings related to costume opportunities are borne out of experience, and if so the warner might hesitate to be too exact out of fear of causing more insult than necessary. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 I would think that there had been a problem of some kind with one family and the director is trying to address it without calling that person out. I would know that it didn't apply to my family and I wouldn't give it another thought. But that isn't the case here. This is a very small group and the first time this person has been in charge. None of these children could even be considered flashy, far less immodest! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Am I the only one that feels like my parenting is in question when people make statements such as this? I have felt this way in the past when people make certain comments but I realize I am just assuming. Unless they come right out and actually say it, it isn't necessarliy what they are saying. And if they are....well that's their problem not mine. BTW, it has taken me a looooooooooooooong time to get to this place. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tigger Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. The other day, at a function we attended, a young girl, maybe 10.....cute top and leggings - when she turned around and walked away - the word "JUICY" was blazing, in hot pink, across her butt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 It is a bit annoying, as a bit insulting and extremely vague. On the other hand, a friend of a good family friend sent her ten-year-old daughter out trick and treating as a "dirty angel", black corset, black fishnet stockings and all. I kid you not. I'm thinking that sometimes, warnings related to costume opportunities are borne out of experience, and if so the warner might hesitate to be too exact out of fear of causing more insult than necessary. Do you think she would have dressed her differently if someone had told her to be modest on Halloween? Or did she think her child was appropriatly modest for the event? She what I'm saying? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
5kidsforME Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Yes I would feel that way. I also think it's petty unless there was some sort of rampant problem. The problem is, is that if there were people that were dressing their children immodestly, they are the ones to totally not even get what the director was talking about! :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trresh Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 But that isn't the case here. This is a very small group and the first time this person has been in charge. None of these children could even be considered flashy, far less immodest! Maybe they were talking about the moms. :lol: A friend's pastor said when he preaches he tries to look above the heads of the parishioners because of the sea of cleavage he's greeted with on Sunday mornings. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It comes across as "I am more holy than you, and you must be reminded that modesty is next to godliness." Personally those kind of ;) ;) reminders bring out the rebel in me. It's harder for a boy to be immodest, but I'd let him wear whatever he wants. I'd probably show up in something in a wild color or print just to be obnoxious.:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 But that isn't the case here. This is a very small group and the first time this person has been in charge. None of these children could even be considered flashy, far less immodest! Ah. Then I would think that this person is trying to be proactive but actually succeeded in being a bit officious;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen in CO Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 "Modesty is a must" is a vague command. The director should have provided a mandatory dress code if she felt she could not trust parents' judgment. At the rehearsal for my daughter's dance recital, the director gave specific guidelines, "Everyone make sure you wear a t-shirt under the vest with the MC Hammer costume because I don't want to see any pickles peeping out, and girls make sure you wear booty shorts under those skirts, I almost had a heart attack during that first number because I wasn't sure what was under there." Specific guidelines are better than general statements that question your morals. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 These things are often written for the people who won't pay any attention. You know it isn't written for you so don't worry about it. It's Christmas, enjoy! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Daisy Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 I have no problem with it but it probably would have been more effective if they'd been more specific (no flip-flops, halter tops, etc). Unfortunate that it is necessary, but it really is necessary. I'm amazed at the lack of common sense among children AND parents these days. Though just saying "be modest" isn't going to help those devoid of common sense all that much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Modesty is subjective. If the person in charge is looking for a specific look, he/she should spell out exactly what is needed. Also I do not think one should take such a suggestion personally. If one's children dress modestly I would think that one would decide the comment was meant for someone else. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 Not talking about this event specifically but the idea in general now. I feel like, as the parent, if I want my daughter's behind to say 'Juicy', no one has the right to hint that that is wrong. If someone is in a position of power (real, not imagined) and doesn't want any prints on behinds, then they need to say "solid colored pants, no Juicy sweat pants, please". Don't make a moral judgement on my parenting choices. I always imagine the people that say/write these things sitting at their desk tsk, tsking over what idiot parents we all are. FYI, we own no clothes with print on the behind. Just want to make that clear. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kathymuggle Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Yes I would feel that way. I also think it's petty unless there was some sort of rampant problem. Mostly this. I understand a reminder for a performance, and I understand adults choosing to address serious issues of immodesty, but otherwise I think they should MYOB. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Not talking about this event specifically but the idea in general now. I feel like, as the parent, if I want my daughter's behind to say 'Juicy', no one has the right to hint that that is wrong. If someone is in a position of power (real, not imagined) and doesn't want any prints on behinds, then they need to say "solid colored pants, no Juicy sweat pants, please". Don't make a moral judgement on my parenting choices. :iagree: This could be stated much more objectively and clearly. Such as "Please have your child dress pants and button shirts for boys, dresses or skirts or dress pants for girls, no clothes with printing, no tennis shoes." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YLVD Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 Why the hyperfocus on bodies and clothing? I've been involved with many shows. People need to get changed. It's not about showing off and seeing people's underwear. It's just the nature of the situation. Why point it out and possibly make people feel self conscious about it? I don't get why people are so uptight. That's just me I guess. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: I must speak to you. Sending your kiddos out in their undies is inappriopriate.:D It doesn't irk me. What really disgusts me is going to church and seeing teens with shirts down to their navel and shorts up to their ........... well, you know. I think the reminder is good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 22, 2011 Author Share Posted December 22, 2011 :lol::lol::lol: I must speak to you. Sending your kiddos out in their undies is inappriopriate.:D It doesn't irk me. What really disgusts me is going to church and seeing teens with shirts down to their navel and shorts up to their ........... well, you know. I think the reminder is good. But you would never go to those parents and say "modesty is a must at church", right? I'm sure they think their little snowflakes are fine. It would insult them to suggest otherwise. And another thing, it is December where I live, no one is showing any skin unless they enjoy frostbite! Really, I'm not as annoyed as I sound, I just have too much computer time today :lol:. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 And another thing, it is December where I live, no one is showing any skin unless they enjoy frostbite! Really, I'm not as annoyed as I sound, I just have too much computer time today :lol:. It's December where I live too. ;) :lol: :lol: :lol: .....I know what you mean....:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted December 22, 2011 Share Posted December 22, 2011 It's December where I live (Tampa), and we are still walking around in tank tops, shorts, and flip flops. I think it was 83 today. So here we could definitely have issues with too much skin showing. At our church, for our children's presentations, they give out specific requirements where necessary, such as, "wear a white camisole under your presentation t-shirt, with denim capris or jeans" for kids who do any kind of choreography or have a special part. Not only does it ensure modesty, but everyone looks more uniform. At our homeschool group, we have a statement of faith that parents must sign before joining. One guideline in it is that modesty is to be demonstrated at all meetings. Our director put this in the statement of faith not to annoy anyone, but so that if anyone ever DID show up with "juicy" written across their behind, she could quietly pull the parent aside and remind them that they agreed to abide by the guidelines, and that it probably isn't the appropriate venue for the attire. So...........perhaps the director is just trying to set expectations up front so that a parent couldn't say, "What??? No one ever TOLD me my kid had to be modest!" later on???? Trying to give her the benefit of the doubt here. I like more specific guidelines where appropriate, personally. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moxie Posted December 23, 2011 Author Share Posted December 23, 2011 At our homeschool group, we have a statement of faith that parents must sign before joining. One guideline in it is that modesty is to be demonstrated at all meetings. Our director put this in the statement of faith not to annoy anyone, but so that if anyone ever DID show up with "juicy" written across their behind, she could quietly pull the parent aside and remind them that they agreed to abide by the guidelines, and that it probably isn't the appropriate venue for the attire. But who is to say?? Honestly, I wouldn't like my girls wearing words on their behinds but I don't think it is immodest. I'd be annoyed if someone questioned my parenting like that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MHowell Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 (edited) Considering that some tween styles involve underwear and bellies sticking out, I am not sure I blame people who don't assume common sense will prevail. :iagree: I won't even begin to talk about some of the outfits I saw at K's winter performance last night. :glare: Edited December 23, 2011 by MHowell I can't spell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 But you would never go to those parents and say "modesty is a must at church", right? I'm sure they think their little snowflakes are fine. It would insult them to suggest otherwise. And another thing, it is December where I live, no one is showing any skin unless they enjoy frostbite! Really, I'm not as annoyed as I sound, I just have too much computer time today :lol:. No, I've never said anything. In JANUARY, here in New England, I took my eldest on a tour of the local high school. I wanted him to see where he'd be attending school the following year. (mistake) The girl showing us around, on a FREEZING and snowy day, had on flip flops, a mini skirt, and a shirt which was waaaaaaay too low cut and revealing. :glare: Some kids could care less about the season. Heck, I noticed the latest rage is shorts and fur boots during the summer. :ack: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 But you would never go to those parents and say "modesty is a must at church", right? I'm sure they think their little snowflakes are fine. It would insult them to suggest otherwise. And another thing, it is December where I live, no one is showing any skin unless they enjoy frostbite! Really, I'm not as annoyed as I sound, I just have too much computer time today :lol:. No, I've never said anything. In JANUARY, here in New England, I took my eldest on a tour of the local high school. I wanted him to see where he'd be attending school the following year. (mistake) The girl showing us around, on a FREEZING and snowy day, had on flip flops, a mini skirt, and a shirt which was waaaaaaay too low cut and revealing. :glare: Some kids could care less about the season. Heck, I noticed the latest rage is shorts and fur boots during the summer. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Why the hyperfocus on bodies and clothing? I've been involved with many shows. People need to get changed. It's not about showing off and seeing people's underwear. It's just the nature of the situation. Why point it out and possibly make people feel self conscious about it? I don't get why people are so uptight. That's just me I guess. Nope, not just you. I have two kids heavily involved in theatre and performance. Both have had to develop a certain . . . comfort level with the human body. Even my son, who hates wearing a bathing suit because it shows too much of his flesh, got very used to seeing other folks half clothed during his years with the ballet. Not only did he share a dressing room with a bunch of other guys, but some of those ballerinas would wait until the last possible second to actually finish putting on their costumes. It always made me giggle to be standing in the wings shepherding a batch of 11- and 12-year-old boys and watch those lovely, graceful ballerinas slip their arms into those costumes and have someone zip them up seconds before running onstage. I guess I honestly cannot imagine what a child participating in a Christmas pageant might wear that would raise eyebrows? In the case of the short-skirts-on-risers example given earlier, I suppose that an experienced director might mention this to parents explicitly. But the whole "modesty" thing is far too vague to be meaningful. It's funny, too. As I've mentioned before, in two of the last three roles she's played, my daughter has worn lingere on stage. Just lingere (well, and shoes). I'm sure many folks here would never allow such a thing, but it didn't cause me one second of concern. For me, "modesty" is much more about behavior than it is about clothing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Denisemomof4 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 :confused: not sure why it posted twice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littlebug42 Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 Well, our church has to constantly remind parents and teens what is appropriate for church. We have older teen girls serving as Eucharistic Ministers with short skirts and tank tops with their bras hanging out, even in the winter. It doesn't surprise me and honestly, wouldn't offend me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted December 23, 2011 Share Posted December 23, 2011 It wouldn't bother me at all, but I agree that if they want a certain look they need to be more specific. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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