If they won't eat....

[annandatje]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

No, I did not send them to bed hungry. They were always allowed to have a bowl of cereal if they tried a bite of dinner items before deciding against them. Eventually I eased up on insisting that they have at least one bite because I myself have refused to ever taste grits.

[Shellydon]

We have a one bite rule on new foods. They must take one bite, chew and swallow. If it is a food that they usually eat but refuse on that night, then they go to bed with out eating. If I make something that I know they don't like, like sour cream enchiladas, I will make a side like quesadillas. This is rare though.

[Night Elf]

We try to prepare a meal that has components that everyone likes. I am a grown adult and I wouldn't eat anything I don't like, so I don't expect the rest of my family members to do so.

 

Now, sometimes DH prepares a meal that only he and I like. We then feel it is definitely our responsibility to offer something to the kids that they will like. Otherwise it feels like we're ignoring their needs. As much as people joke, and I do hope it's joking, I can't imagine letting a child eat crackers and drink water as a meal.

[----]

.

[SunD]

I will offer an alternative that is acceptable to me. It might be a cup of applesauce and a cheese stick, so as not to make more dishes, but you don't have to go hungry. Now, mine are too little to make something for themselves. If they were old enough that's what I would do. I do always know that it's at least a variation on something they like, if it's the main dish, before I make it. If they hated rice I'd just shrug and relegate rice to the side dishes, no more rice-based casserole stand-alone meals.

 

The rules about that are (and they apply to DH as well, because he is super picky)

 

1. You must TRY it before you can say you don't like it.

2. If you won't even try it, you're not getting anything else instead. Eat the sides. (If I had a child with food issues, that might just mean licking it instead of rejecting it on sight.)

3. After I know you don't like it, I will try to modify it for you. For example DH doesn't like breadcrumbs on anything, or onion in anything. So when I make stuffed peppers I use onion powder and leave the breadcrumbs off the top of half of them. I might also take out a portion of pasta before mixing in alfredo sauce, which he doesn't like. He can slap some Prego on there, butter and parmesan, whatever.

4. I'm not going to force you to eat it, so DON'T complain when you see me making it. If you do this you might have to fend for yourself.

5. Don't make a mess getting yourself something else. Rejecting dinner does not mean you get to experiment with ingredients I need for other meals, bake a cake and eat that instead, or make your own gourmet four-course meal. Think sandwiches, cereal, cheese and crackers, or leftovers.

[happyWImom]

Well, first of all, I feel that it is basically our fault that my dc became picky eaters. We started doing a lot of convenience foods, etc... so they became used to eating things they really liked. Then, we started to take more time to plan meals & do healthier things, and it didn't go over real well. My dd does like quite a lot, so we don't always have a big issue with her, but my ds is a big problem. He started to like nuggets & Mcdonald's hamburgers a little too much, and now he basically doesn't like any other meat-or anything that isn't breaded.:sad: We've made our own breaded, healthier chicken & fish, and it doesn't go over too well. We have tried making him go to bed without eating, or making a meal with a protein (say chicken or hamburger) that he doesn't like, but veggie's & fruit that he does, and then if he doesn't eat the protein, he doesn't get anything else. Our problem with him is that if he doesn't get enough at dinner and his tummy isn't full, he ends up getting sick in the morning.:001_huh:

 

Now, we are trying to have each dc pick one meal out of their kid cookbooks, and help make the meal, and we are just having more of the things they aren't thrilled with (like the meats)more often and prepared in more ways, so they at least get used to things. But, we always have something they really like a few times a week, like pasta or breakfast for dinner.

 

Ds also has a big gag reflex, so I feel like we're torturing him if we make him eat something he can't totally stand. He also usually drowns his chicken or steak or ham in ketchup.

 

I didn't notice how old your ds was, but my advice is to start early with the "everyone eats the same thing" rule early. I know if we would have done that, things would be better. The one exception is if they have sensory issues; I've known many kids that have this, and you need to work with them.

[Mrs Mungo]

My kids are super-skinny and not the least bit picky. There are a couple of things they don't like, but I have things I don't like too. I never send them to bed hungry. I'm not going to make an issue of a problem that doesn't exist.

[georgialee]

Eating is not a battle I choose to fight with my kids. If they like it, they eat it. If they don't, they get an apple or some other fruit and eat that... and then whatever else they can pull out/fix themselves (they're only 4 & 6 so that's pretty much limited to granola bars, cereal, yogurt, cheese, etc).

[QueenCat]

I am probably one of the few who just does not make eating an issue. If you don't like dinner, you are free to make yourself a sandwich or a bowl of oatmeal. Child must make it himself/herself and do it quietly and clean up and eat with the rest of family. There is no loud "I don't like this, Yuck" or anything like that allowed.

 

 

:iagree: My post on the spin off tells what I think more fully.... I don't want family meal time to be family dread time.

[QueenCat]

, but I just can't bring myself to send them to bed hungry.

 

 

Me either.... personally, if I knew someone did that on a regular basis, I would consider them to be abusive, as would DCS.

[MathGirl]

I try not to cook things that I know any of the family members hate. I try to at least have a side or something that I know the kids will like. I don't put myself out too much, but sometimes even adding some applesauce to a meal makes a big difference for the kids. If they don't want anything that I serve, they they don't get anything else to eat until breakfast.

[Tarreymere]

I don't cater to them. I have a very picky four year old right now. He gets a breakfast, lunch, and snacks that appeal to him but I do not change dinner to suit him.

 

I've never done that for any of the kids and no one has ever starved. If someone turns their nose up at dinner they do not get any treats, desserts, or snacks for the rest of the night if those thing exist. They all know it. Even the current picky four year old knows that law and accepts it. I do not buy extra food for catering to picky kids and our budget is way too tight to even consider it.

 

I do not stock snack foods or prepared foods. We can't afford it. If I offer a snack it is one I have personally made from scratch (even bread), not something a kid can fix on his own. Any kid trying to 'graze' from my cupboard is stuck with flour, rice or dried beans, not exactly appetizing. Even our sandwich spread is homemade white bean paste.

 

I do have an ex- MIL who caters to my 12 and 15 year olds. They refuse to eat most of what she makes, and even though she lives out in the country she will make a twenty + mile drive round trip to a fast food place to please them. Believe me they do NOT expect that treatment here.

 

On the plus side, no kid is ever going to be overweight in MY house :D

 

EDITED TO ADD: DH is a CPS SUPERVISOR, and he understands the difference between indulgence and neglect.

http://www.pacwcbt.pitt.edu/SafetyAssessment/Safety%20County%20Cheat%20Sheets/CHEAT%20SHEET%20-%20The%206%20Domains%20&%20SOOVI.pdf THIS IS A LINK TO THE CRITERIA TO DETERMINE NEGLECT OR ABUSE IN PENNSYLVANIA. I'M SURE IT IS SIMILAR IN OTHER STATES, SO QUIT TRYING TO FRIGHTEN PARENTS WITH THE THREAT OF HAVING THEIR CHILDREN REMOVED BECAUSE THEY CHOOSE TO PARENT APPROPRIATELY.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Rainefox

[SKL]

Me either.... personally, if I knew someone did that on a regular basis, I would consider them to be abusive, as would DCS.

 

Letting a child decide to be hungry rather than eat what's offered is abuse?

 

But forcing a kid to eat can also be abusive.

 

And letting your kid eat whatever he chooses until he gets unhealthy is also abusive. Someone just had her kid taken away for that.

 

Personally I do what is most likely to lead to the child's long-term overall health and happiness. Sometimes that means letting them feel the results of their poor choices in the short run.

[simka2]

I make one meal. If they do not like it (which I try to avoid or sneak in in different ways) there is always PB&J. I do believe willingly trying new and unusual foods, contentedness, and not complaining about minor preferences should be rewarded. Dessert is a privileged, as is a late evening snack.

 

I do not punish them for not eating, or not liking certain foods.

 

The flip side is I do try to find their favorites. Those become very special meals.

[gardenmom5]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

I have a picky eater who if given a choice between "eat this or starve" - will starve. Meal after meal after meal. My son's pickiness stems from a medical condition that we have finally been able to diagnose and start treating. It is very common for these kids to increase the variety of foods consummed after removing the hypersensitive foods from their diet and their body being able to get it out of their system. (gluten being a big offender.)

[Scarlett]

Letting a child decide to be hungry rather than eat what's offered is abuse?

 

But forcing a kid to eat can also be abusive.

 

And letting your kid eat whatever he chooses until he gets unhealthy is also abusive. Someone just had her kid taken away for that.

 

Personally I do what is most likely to lead to the child's long-term overall health and happiness. Sometimes that means letting them feel the results of their poor choices in the short run.

 

:iagree:

 

I think to say 'sending a kid to bed hungry' is sensationalizing the situation. Letting a child make the decision to go without food rather than eat what is offered is actually what we are talking about.

 

Most kids will eat if they get hungry enough. My position has always been if you ds can't eat a reasonable (definition set by me) amount of the food set before him he cannot have ANY sweets the rest of the day nor can he have any other food until the next meal.

 

I find it incredible rude to turn one's nose up at what has been prepared for you by your parent. Sure there might be a food here and there that a person just can't tolerate....but that shouldn't require a seperate meal to be made! I think that encourages entitlement.

 

I will eat most anything. I cannot tolerate buttermilk. My brother and mother used to eat it with cornbread and just yum it up like it was dessert! I didn't like the smell of it but thought I'd try it....I couldn't do it. I literally almost threw up. So I am mindful that everyone has things like that. But for the most part people including kids can and should learn to like a variety of foods.

[Scarlett]

I have a picky eater who if given a choice between "eat this or starve" - will starve. Meal after meal after meal. My son's pickiness stems from a medical condition that we have finally been able to diagnose and start treating. It is very common for these kids to increase the variety of foods consummed after removing the hypersensitive foods from their diet and their body being able to get it out of their system. (gluten being a big offender.)

 

I'm curious how long he would go without food before eating what you offered?

 

I've only known one kid who was really this way....he ended up in the hospital because he wouldn't eat anything. He was 6.

[QueenCat]

Letting a child decide to be hungry rather than eat what's offered is abuse?

 

But forcing a kid to eat can also be abusive.

 

And letting your kid eat whatever he chooses until he gets unhealthy is also abusive. Someone just had her kid taken away for that.

 

Personally I do what is most likely to lead to the child's long-term overall health and happiness. Sometimes that means letting them feel the results of their poor choices in the short run.

 

I did not suggest they be allowed to eat junk food in place of what was offered. A sandwich or cereal is a reasonable substitute. Nor did I say it was abuse if it happened once. If it happens on a regular basis, that a child is not eating because the parent must have their way, and not offer them a reasonable substitute, yes, it is abuse. And I know enough social workers to know they do consider this to be abusive.

[Grover]

If the kids don't eat their dinner that's fine - they're clearly not terribly hungry. No one gets in trouble for not eating - but they do get in trouble for making a fuss about not liking it. I try to make things that I know they will eat at least part of, but sometimes it's a brand new 'thing' and sometimes they won't eat that. I ask that they genuinely try everything, but if it's not to their taste, that's ok. The one exception to this is risotto. My DS just cannnot stand it, so when the rest of us have that he has two teaspoons of that and something else.

 

Between 3 and 4 my DS chose not to eat dinner more often than not - he didn't ask for anything else and it wasn't offered. I just figured he was probably too tired to eat much and made sure he was having a healthy lunch and breakfast. I'm sure if I'd offered crackers or similar he might have nibbled it, but it didn't seem like a habit I wanted to start. I did make sure every third or fourth evening meal was a smoothie because I knew he'd have that, and it made me feel better about him still getting some nutrients at that time.

[ErinE]

Our kids don't have sensory issues so I am insistent that the kids eat what is served. I try to serve one thing the children will eat and I'll allow them to eat around peas or carrots in casseroles, but they are not allowed to fix their own meals. For us the parents, there's no arguing and no discussion. The kids are allowed to eat fruit, but no sandwiches or cereal. My natural inclination was to follow this path, but dh is very rigid in enforcing it.

 

Growing up, my husband was a very picky eater. Everyone accomodated his preferences; even to this day, his mother, grandmother, and aunts will fix him is own meal if they prepare a dish they think he won't like. He quickly learned to try new foods when he started working and everyone was going out for sushi, thai, or indian. He works with people from many different cultures, and it was not good politics to refuse to try a cuisine for the sake of his personal preferences. He absolutely insists our children try at least one bite from each portion served. He doesn't want our kids growing up with the expectation people will cater to their whims.

 

When testing out a new recipe, I have prepared some really awful meals, which I've willingly tossed out and then fixed sandwiches!

[In the Rain]

My kids are usually open minded eaters. If they really dislike an entree, they'll load up on veggies. Baby carrots are always an option. Before bed, I would offer them a filling food like oatmeal or peanut butter toast.

 

If it was happening regularly, I would make sure the kids didn't have any afternoon snacks or push the dinner hour back a little later. In our house, pickiness is usually a result of 7yo dd not being truly hungry at mealtime.

 

I wouldn't make them go to bed hungry. It is hard to sleep well when hungry, and the resulting fatigue and bad moods would ruin the following day.

[Element]

I did not suggest they be allowed to eat junk food in place of what was offered. A sandwich or cereal is a reasonable substitute. Nor did I say it was abuse if it happened once. If it happens on a regular basis, that a child is not eating because the parent must have their way, and not offer them a reasonable substitute, yes, it is abuse. And I know enough social workers to know they do consider this to be abusive.

 

I disagree. PB& J or Cereal is not always a reasonable or acceptable substitute for other food. I don't care how healthy the cereal is, a child needs fruits and vegetables. If I gave my dd the option to have the lunch or dinner I had prepared or "cereal" she would choose cereal for every. single. meal. (She doesn't like PB&J.)

[Scarlett]

I disagree. PB& J or Cereal is not always a reasonable or acceptable substitute for other food. I don't care how healthy the cereal is, a child needs fruits and vegetables. If I gave my dd the option to have the lunch or dinner I had prepared or "cereal" she would choose cereal for every. single. meal. (She doesn't like PB&J.)

 

Same with my ds. He would choose PB&J over most dinners. He gets a sandwich for lunch but is required to eat meals with us. He ate Chili last night. I've noticed the last few times we had chili he didn't even complain.

[Mommyof4ks]

My rule is that everyone must try one bite of every food, and if they don't like what we are having then they can make themselves a sandwich and get fruit and yogurt to go with it. No one goes to bed hungry here, but I don't make a separate meal either.

 

ETA: We do not eat sandwiches for lunch here, so having one at dinner is not a big deal. They usually only refuse one meal a week or less too which helps.

[KidsHappen]

Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

Well, they do it with chicken and there is actually very little chicken in there. Acutally, you probably don't even what to know what is in a chicken nugget.

[Daisy]

My kids eat what is served. Period.

 

Outside of medical issues - for instance we have friends who have a diabetic son, and others with a child whose underlying medical issues cause dangerously low blood sugar - I am not inclined to cater to pickiness.

 

Not everything I serve has to be anyone's favorite. They do have to display proper manners and eat what they are offered, graciously. My kids eat pretty much any cuisine, and are pretty adventurous when looking at a menu. And yes, they all have different preferences.

 

Bingo. That's how it works in our family.

 

Eat or don't, but I'm not fixing you anything special.

[Pretty in Pink]

Oh, gosh. These threads come up again and again. I'm sure it's all been said already by now, but I make one meal and that's it. I don't serve things that the kids hate without offering an alternative -- so, one of mine used to not care for mashed potatoes. Fine. He could have a slice of bread with his meal instead of potatoes. No biggie. One of mine doesn't like peanut butter. Fine. I made him a cheese sandwich instead. Again, no biggie. BUT. My children really have only a few things that they don't like to eat and that makes it easier. My 5yo doesn't like soup (except cheddar broccoli, which he loves). I strain the broth off of his soup and give him what's in it.

 

I don't make seperate meals. I don't save it for breakfast the next morning. I serve it. Eat it or don't, I don't care. If you don't then you're sort of SOL until the next meal. I will allow a glass of milk and a slice of bread or a piece of fruit before the next meal if it's several hours away, but my kids are not allowed to graze all day long and I do not make meals in between meals for kids who didn't eat the last meal. Nope.

[KidsHappen]

Food is not a hill I am prepared to die on. My kids are veggies. I simply ask them what they want to eat every night with proviso that they must all agree on a main dish and that is what I make. If they want something additional then they can make that themselves and they don't have to eat the main item if they don't want to.

 

I had one child who went years where she literally would not eat any food that was not white. She is my most varied eater now. Other kids ate nothing but mac & cheese or Ramen Noodles for months. I simply made them delicious protein shakes (I am sure that they thought they were regular ice cream shakes or smoothies) and other healthy food sthat I knew they would eat - peanut butter and cheese always worked at my house. I had them on a good regimine of viatmins and minerals as well and I offered a wide array of other items which they often tried just because they would see the rest of us eating them.

 

My kids eat an extaordinary variety of items even for most adults. I can honestly say that they eat twice the variety of foods that my hubby and I did at their ages. There were no forbidden foods either so they aren't craving the snacks. It has worked very well for all of my girls. There is only a small range in their weights although they are all built differently apparently based on their own personal genetics and they all have a healthy relationship with food. If I had it to do over again I would do it the same way.

[stripe]

I make generally make food that can be enjoys in segments/parts, rather than a one pot dish that is an all-or-nothing. I have a child who is somewhat allergic to something that another child loves, and I don't think the unallergic child needs to stop eating that food. I also had a kid lose an enormous amount of weight because of unhappiness over food while traveling, so, no, I don't tend to withhold food (or air) as punishment. I also do not want to be forced to eat something that makes me sick. I feel this is cruel. I try not to make it a big deal, but I also don't run a restaurant. I know what everyone likes.

[SKL]

I did not suggest they be allowed to eat junk food in place of what was offered. A sandwich or cereal is a reasonable substitute. Nor did I say it was abuse if it happened once. If it happens on a regular basis, that a child is not eating because the parent must have their way, and not offer them a reasonable substitute, yes, it is abuse. And I know enough social workers to know they do consider this to be abusive.

 

What you're really saying is that if my child refuses what I've served, I must reward this behavior or run afoul of the law.

 

I can't imagine this being the opinion of social workers, who surely work with many families that cannot afford to offer multiple meal options to please their children.

 

Now if I was offering my kids cigarette butts for dinner or nothing, yeah, that would be abuse. But if it's a healthy meal that the child is physically able to eat and digest, then no, sorry.

 

That said, a child who does not learn to eat what's good for him after a couple consecutive nights of going to bed hungry probably has a medical or emotional problem. Honestly, I've never seen this in real life, though I've read that it happens on boards like this. In real life, the only reason I've seen this fail is that parents are afraid / too weak to follow through. Calling it "child abuse" isn't about to improve things in that regard.

[creekland]

We just have never had the problem, so I can't tell you what I would do. My guys eat pretty much anything I make and have since infancy. They have preferences in what they like, but they'll eat anything without a fuss.

 

My youngest doesn't like doughnuts, pies, or bananas, but I'm not big on sweets so we very seldom have any of them. He can eat them if he has to in order to be polite somewhere else, but I don't make him eat any of those here.

 

Otherwise, they're all adventurous with foods and will try new things eagerly when traveling or otherwise. Actually, when we're traveling we have a rule that we can't eat anywhere we could eat at home. ;)

 

They're also all borderline underweight. I wish I could share their metabolism!

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

My son was like that. I didn't make a special meal for him and he was required to take a bite of everything before he left the table. If he was hungry he could have non-sweetened cereal with a banana or something like that but I wouldn't make him something.

 

He grew out of it. Partly because we moved here and he saw people who were hungry and glad to get whatever they could and I think it made him realize that he needed to change. He doesn't always eat everything--but he will definitely try it and he never complains anymore.

[Myeightkiddies]

I hate egg noodles. They make me literally gag (along with eye watering and holding back emptying my stomach completely). If I know a child has an aversion to a food similar to that, I don't make them eat it (or go hungry). I will either be certain there are plenty of other dishes for them or I will add an extra, such as rice or potatoes (if the noodles made them ill). If they just don't feel like eating something they know that they can have a sandwich, waffles, leftovers, etc. Normally they do not do that (not feel like eating something); it's mostly the aversions.

[SKL]

This. I went to bed hungry way too often as a kid, for the dumbest things...just because my father was an abusive a$$. So food isn't a battle in my house. If they have tried it and truly don't like it, they can fix something else.

 

I can remember being sent to bed without supper as a punishment for things unrelated to food. It didn't happen often, but surely once or twice at least. I just thought it was something every parent did. I mentioned it as an adult and my friends were horrified. In retrospect, I suspect my mom learned this from having a poor upbringing and parents who did in fact turn abusive at times. Hunger makes one feel badly about oneself, so it kind of "teaches you a lesson" if it's a punishment for something else. I guess that would be the logic behind it. Personally I haven't used this type of punishment and can't imagine doing so.

 

But I don't see that as the same as letting a child choose to not eat his fill (of what is offered) before going to bed. For one thing, the child apparently isn't very hungry to begin with. For another, it's a free choice with a logical consequence. But, I'm not saying everyone needs to do it. Just saying if one does it, it's not a "punishment" and certainly not "abuse."

[Rosie_0801]

If the kids don't want to eat my cooking, they can have fruit. If there is no fruit left, either they are going to bed hungry or they aren't hungry at all because they've eaten all the fruit.

 

Rosie

[QueenCat]

I disagree. PB& J or Cereal is not always a reasonable or acceptable substitute for other food. I don't care how healthy the cereal is, a child needs fruits and vegetables. If I gave my dd the option to have the lunch or dinner I had prepared or "cereal" she would choose cereal for every. single. meal. (She doesn't like PB&J.)

 

A child does need fruit & vegies, I didn't say they didn't. Cereal/sandwich is a reasonable alternative. It would be a different issue if they never liked what was cooked but I have a hard time imagining that, even with my child who has Aspergers.

[kathymuggle]

I have 2 children that regularly (almost daily) turn up their noses at what I serve. If they do not eat what I am making, they can make themselves something healthy and clean up any extra dishes. One usually makes soup or pasta - the other a sandwich and fruit.

 

I don't send them to bed hungry (and I think it is best to avoid food battles if you can) but I am not a short order cook, either.

Edited December 10, 2011 by kathymuggle

[QueenCat]

What you're really saying is that if my child refuses what I've served, I must reward this behavior or run afoul of the law.

 

I can't imagine this being the opinion of social workers, who surely work with many families that cannot afford to offer multiple meal options to please their children.

 

Now if I was offering my kids cigarette butts for dinner or nothing, yeah, that would be abuse. But if it's a healthy meal that the child is physically able to eat and digest, then no, sorry.

 

That said, a child who does not learn to eat what's good for him after a couple consecutive nights of going to bed hungry probably has a medical or emotional problem. Honestly, I've never seen this in real life, though I've read that it happens on boards like this. In real life, the only reason I've seen this fail is that parents are afraid / too weak to follow through. Calling it "child abuse" isn't about to improve things in that regard.

 

 

Sorry, but you & I will never agree on this one. I have several in my social circle who are either social workers or foster parents. They will remove a child who is being punished for not eating by not being fed, if it is on a regular basis, and the parents won't change the parents behavior. You choose to make "not eating what I serve" a bad behavior, I choose to not make it a "behavior" issue. For a short time in my kids lives, I did, and I DEEPLY regret it because I know deep in my heart that it was the wrong thing to do. That does NOT mean they got to snack/eat on junk in place of the meal.

[Fleur de Lis]

My kids can go to bed hungry if they stick their nose up at what I serve. They won't repeat this pattern for long. I know there are some kids who have specific issues and they will make themselves sick over food, but most kids will get over themselves and eat eventually.

 

I do take their preferences into account when I choose the menu. I generally won't serve a meal that I know will be completely intolerable to someone. I'll mix it up so that there is something the picky eater can eat - for example, since one dd loves beans and the other hates them, I will serve beans along with another veg or fruit that the other one likes. If Miss Picky can't tolerate the main part of the meal, she can have a plain slice of brown bread. I will also allow her to substitute fresh carrots or applesauce (if we have them) for a side dish. It's been a while, though, since we needed to do that. There have been times, however, when she was hungry for a hearty breakfast the next morning.:D

 

This is pretty much like our house, too. It isn't like we are starving the boy. And we don't make a battle about it. It's just the rule. Otherwise I'd never get him to eat fruits/veggies/meat.

Edited December 10, 2011 by Fleur de Lis

[SKL]

punished for not eating by not being fed

 

I am sorry, but this makes no sense to me.

[NanceXToo]

I would not send my kids to bed hungry.

 

If there are things I KNOW my kids don't like, I don't make it for them and tell them they have to eat it. If I want to eat something I know they don't like, I'll make them something simple separately (this may just mean heating up chicken nuggets in the microwave).

 

If we are making something new that we want them to try and they decide they don't like it, they can have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich or a bowl of cereal or something instead. It only comes up once in a rare while.

 

But would I just tell them to go to bed hungry? No. Would I force them to eat things they don't like? No. I'm not into food battles. And for the most part, it's a non-issue in my house. My kids are not particularly picky eaters and most nights they are happy to eat whatever it is we make. But like anyone else, as far as I am concerned, they are entitled to have an off night where they just aren't in the mood for something or just don't like something.

Edited December 10, 2011 by NanceXToo

[spaceman]

My older son can fix his own pb and j if he doesn't like what we are eating.

 

My toddler just eats what we have, or doesn't. When she's older and more capable, she'll have the same chance to make her own pb and j.

 

I always try to have one item each family member will enjoy.

[Audrey]

Do you send your children to bed without any supper if they won't eat what you serve? Do you try to always offer a side dish that is kid-approved? Do you make a picky eater their own, separate meal? My dh is tired of me fixing a separate meal for our 8 yr. old. For the past two nights our son has taken one look at our meal and refused to eat. He had crackers (and nothing else) both nights. He wouldn't even try the yummy apple crumble I made b/c it looked weird to him. Is there a way to make all foods look like a chicken nugget?:glare:

 

 

Well, this is a complicated issue and doesn't have a single answer. Also, some kids have legitimate issues that affect their eating and food choices.

 

In general, though, I think you just have keep a couple of things in mind:

 

1) don't serve the food that you don't want them to eat.

2) serve a variety of foods at each meal, so there is always something they WILL eat.

 

#1 can be tough if you've always served chicken nuggets and now decide that isn't the choice you want to make anymore. Now they're used to chicken nuggets, so it'll be a battle if you tell them you aren't serving that anymore. But... don't give in, if you really want to change things. It doesn't have to be chicken nuggets or something weird. It can be a balance and a variety that you know they will eat mixed with new foods you want them to try. Just ask them to try the new stuff. Keep asking them to try it each time you serve it. There is a study somewhere that says you have to try new foods many times before the palate adjusts. Sometimes the palate will not adjust, but at least they've tried it.

 

As for sending kids to bed with no supper... no. I wouldn't do that. But, I also don't make separate meals or special dishes just for picky eaters. I'd try very hard to make sure there was something for supper amongst all the foods offered that they would eat.

[QueenCat]

I am sorry, but this makes no sense to me.

 

From what you have said, my interpretation is that you would punish your child for not eating what you made & they do not like by not allowing them to eat anything else, possibly until the next morning, if this was dinner. To me, that is punishing them by not allowing them a healthy alternative. To me, this creates an unhealthy relationship with food, and if done often, is abusive. If I've interpreted incorrectly, my apology. Note that just because we allow children an alternative, it doesn't mean they don't eat what I make. They usually eat what is offered, or most of it.

Edited December 10, 2011 by CathieC

[Joker]

This is pretty much like our house, too. It isn't like we are starving the boy. And we don't make a battle about it. It's just the rule. Otherwise I'd never get him to eat fruits/veggies/meat.

 

Maybe this is why some of us don't force the issue. My dds snack on fruits and veggies through the day. They usually have a smoothie for breakfast which includes fruit and veggies and they usually always have veggies at lunch. So, forcing them to eat dinner if they want to make themselves something else just isn't a big deal here.

[QueenCat]

Maybe this is why some of us don't force the issue. My dds snack on fruits and veggies through the day. They usually have a smoothie for breakfast which includes fruit and veggies and they usually always have veggies at lunch. So, forcing them to eat dinner if they want to make themselves something else just isn't a big deal here.

 

Having plenty of healthy snack options around is good, and can lead to life long healthy eating habits. We keep lots of fruit, raw vegies, nuts, popcorn, whole grain bread, and other similar items around.

[SKL]

From what you have said, my interpretation is that you would punish your child for not eating what you made & they do not like by not allowing them to eat anything else, possibly until the next morning, if this was dinner. To me, that is punishing them by not allowing them a healthy alternative. To me, this creates an unhealthy relationship with food, and if done often, is abusive. If I've interpreted incorrectly, my apology. Note that just because we allow children an alternative, it doesn't mean they don't eat what I make. They usually did eat what was offered, or most of it.

 

I have a daughter who changes her mind about what she likes from week to week. My sister comes and cooks a very nice dinner on Sundays, one that Miss Picky loved and devoured the last time we had it. Miss Picky decides that this time, she does not want to eat more than a few bites. Could be that she isn't hungry, could be that she's being a brat. Sometimes she does it in the hope that she can move on to dessert sooner. Not sure what else it could be. She is 5yo and very healthy. She's never vomited or had any of those kinds of problems with food. Frankly, I think she just does this because she wants the attention - and it's rude to my sister. She doesn't get to have a pbj sandwich. If she goes to bed with a little room left in her stomach, she can fill it up in the morning. (It's not like she goes to bed crying with hunger. She never complains of hunger after leaving the table.)

 

My other daughter is normally a very good eater, and she will sometimes say she wants to be excused without finishing much of her food. Again, food she does not dislike. Must not be very hungry. Same analysis as above, except that she isn't rude about it.

 

I think it is healthier to allow a child to decide whether or not she's had enough food (assuming no medical issues). If I push my child to eat more by making a more favorite food and putting it in front of her, that could actually teach her to eat beyond the point where her hunger is satisfied. Now my second child (the good eater) used to have a problem with eating too much - like she never felt like she'd had enough. So now if she says she's had enough a little earlier than I might expect, I'm not going to mess with that.

 

If you want to call what I do "punishment" for bad behavior, that's your choice, I guess. I don't see it that way at all.

[Fleur de Lis]

Maybe this is why some of us don't force the issue. My dds snack on fruits and veggies through the day. They usually have a smoothie for breakfast which includes fruit and veggies and they usually always have veggies at lunch. So, forcing them to eat dinner if they want to make themselves something else just isn't a big deal here.

 

Yeah, I think you're right.

[Pink Fairy]

With five kids, there is always someone who doesn't like what we are having. Their option is to eat what I cooked, or they may have plain cheerios with milk. No dessert though. Sometimes they will choke down what they don't like, since they really want dessert, other times they will just have the cheerios.

[Fleur de Lis]

SKL - I see totally eye to eye with you on this one :001_smile: