People who never call

[plain jane]

This isn't a rant about someone, it's a genuine question because I don't know what to make of this and I'm way too chicken to simply ask her. :tongue_smilie:

 

There's a lady in my life that I've known for about 5 years now. Our kids have become very close friends and often have sleep overs and play dates. They also talk on the phone a lot.

 

Dh and I have had their family over for dinner/meals probably every few months for the last 5 years. I often call her and ask her to tea in the evening to get out or go shopping for a bit. I also used to call her once a week or once every two weeks just to say hello and we'd have good conversations and end up talking until one of us really has to go to make supper or get one with things. When the kids play we sit and visit. We seem to get along good.:confused:

 

Every time I call and invite her somewhere, she sounds happy to be invited and readily accepts. If we invite them for a meal, they find a way to make it so they can come and both of us try hard to get the kids together to play.

 

I'd say we were friends except she never calls me. Well, not exactly never, but only once, *maybe* twice a year and usually it's with a specific question. If we are to get together at a park or whatever, it's always my idea. I usually am the one to call and suggest a play date (she always readily accepts) or if I call just to say "hi" she'll sometimes say, "oh, Jane, let's get the kids together." But she'll never call me and suggest that. She never calls just to say hello, although a couple times when I've called her she'll say, "oh, I was thinking about

calling you." :rolleyes:

 

I don't know if I'm being childish and immature or if others would be hurt too. I don't really feel very important when she never takes the time to think to invite me to do anything.

 

Ugh. Am I just a baby about this? What do you make of this? Maybe she just doesn't like me. I can deal with that. :) Honestly, I am okay with that, but then why would she readily accept when I suggest getting together? Once we're doing something together, she does suggest meeting up again so I don't think she's against spending time with me. :confused: We do often meet up without the kids.

 

I'm not happy with how things are but I'm not comfortable with simply talking to her about it. I know she'll feel attacked and get super defensive and I don't want to offend her. She's a nice lady. I just don't understand what's going on.:confused:

Edited December 6, 2011 by plain jane
said the same thing twice.

[LittleIzumi]

I never call people. Ever, if I can help it. But I have a phone phobia. I will have dh call people for us if at all possible. It's annoying and stupid :glare:, but there it is. I will text or talk to people on FB, but I will not call people until there is no option, and never ever for pleasure. I have told my friends this, though, so they don't think I'm ignoring them....

[JudoMom]

I rarely call people, but I do email. I'm just not comfortable talking on the phone. It sounds like she truly likes you, so I'm guessing she has some issue that's not related to you :grouphug:.

[plain jane]

I never call people. Ever, if I can help it. But I have a phone phobia. I will have dh call people for us if at all possible. It's annoying and stupid :glare:, but there it is. I will text or talk to people on FB, but I will not call people until there is no option, and never ever for pleasure.

 

Thank you for sharing this. :) I never considered this possibility. She doesn't text (no cell) and I'm not on FB so phone is our only communication.

 

I do email her but she never emails me (except to reply).

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

I never call people. Ever, if I can help it. But I have a phone phobia. I will have dh call people for us if at all possible. It's annoying and stupid :glare:, but there it is. I will text or talk to people on FB, but I will not call people until there is no option, and never ever for pleasure. I have told my friends this, though, so they don't think I'm ignoring them....

 

:iagree: This is exactly me. Except I'm too phobic to even have Facebook. I do blog and have made FABULOUS online friends through my blog, but I don't. use. the. phone. for anything except texts. I never call anyone, and only VERY occasionally answer my phone. It's so silly, I can't even really tell anyone about it . . . I'm coming out today. :lol:

 

Sounds like you do have a friend, but you two just have different communication styles. Please don't get your feelings hurt and cut her off. Friends are hard to find.

[cjzimmer1]

If I knew you in real life, I would be your friend. I have huge phone anxiety. Not about talking on it but about calling people. Seriously, my heart starts racing, sometimes my palms get sweaty etc. Even something as mundane as making a doctor's appointment is difficult. I'm so very thankful for the people in my life who do call me and invite me places because I can never work up the nerve to call others. I don't mean to hurt others or make them think I don't care but it's so stressful for me that I always mange to talk myself out of making the phone call. But if you called me you would probably never know this about me because I do enjoy talking on the phone it's just dialing it that is problematic.

 

While I have no idea if your friend has these issues, I just wanted to give you a little bit of insight into why someone might not call.

[Laurie4b]

I am not a caller, nor a planner of social outings. I really appreciate my friends who continue to be my friends but do the inviting. I am introverted, though you might not be able to tell from the outside. I need to recharge after being with people; being with people doesn't recharge me. Maybe that's the core, and I am very busy with work and homeschooling. I just don't think to plan anything social. When I have free time, I tend to crash. However, I do care about my friends and enjoy seeing them and being with them.

 

I would say if she seems happy to be with you--take it at that.

[Haiku]

I just don't understand what's going on.:confused:

 

I don't call people. I don't like calling people. It's nothing against people. It's a me thing. I'm fine when people call me, although I still prefer a text any day.

 

I'm sure it has nothing to do with you.

 

Tara

[Guest]

I do understand how it feels to be in your position. That said, I am not much of a caller, either. Even my dear friends whom I love to get together with, I really do not like to call. I tend to call people only when it's getting desperate - either because I haven't talked to them at all in 6 months or more or if I really need to plan something with them and can't do it another way.

 

I think the fact that she seems happy to see you means she does like you. She most likely just doesn't like to call. She might even think, "It's so great that Plain Jane calls me because I know I'm pretty bad about that."

 

I would recommend that you do not make an issue of it. Someone did this to me before and honestly, it just felt to me like the person did not accept who I am or only would like me if if I tailor myself to fit her idea of a good friend.

[Haiku]

I am not a caller, nor a planner of social outings. I really appreciate my friends who continue to be my friends but do the inviting. I am introverted, though you might not be able to tell from the outside. I need to recharge after being with people; being with people doesn't recharge me. Maybe that's the core, and I am very busy with work and homeschooling. I just don't think to plan anything social. When I have free time, I tend to crash. However, I do care about my friends and enjoy seeing them and being with them.

 

Me. Exactly.

 

Tara

[WistfulRidge]

I never call people. Ever, if I can help it. But I have a phone phobia. I will have dh call people for us if at all possible. It's annoying and stupid :glare:, but there it is. I will text or talk to people on FB, but I will not call people until there is no option, and never ever for pleasure. I have told my friends this, though, so they don't think I'm ignoring them....

 

Same here. My mom, sister, best friend, and DH are the only people I can call without getting so anxious that I pass out or am sick. It seriously takes me days to work up to making a phone call to someone other than those few, and I usually have to put my head between my knees for a while and then eat something afterward because I can't stop shaking. Very annoying.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'm not really a caller either. I worry that I might be giving offense, but I certainly don't intend it.

[Guest]

If I knew you in real life, I would be your friend. I have huge phone anxiety. Not about talking on it but about calling people. Seriously, my heart starts racing, sometimes my palms get sweaty etc. Even something as mundane as making a doctor's appointment is difficult. I'm so very thankful for the people in my life who do call me and invite me places because I can never work up the nerve to call others. I don't mean to hurt others or make them think I don't care but it's so stressful for me that I always mange to talk myself out of making the phone call. But if you called me you would probably never know this about me because I do enjoy talking on the phone it's just dialing it that is problematic.

 

While I have no idea if your friend has these issues, I just wanted to give you a little bit of insight into why someone might not call.

 

Wow! That's pretty amazing, because that is very similar to me. I've told people before, "I have some weird phone phobia." I can never really explain my intense reluctance to call. Things like doctors appointments are much worse than calling friends, though it's inexplicably hard to call friends, too.

[Erica in OR]

I'm another one that doesn't call people just to chat. I need a reason to call - an invitation, a question, etc. I feel uncomfortable just calling out of the blue, even with family members.

 

Erica in OR

[GingerPoppy]

Oh, thank GOODNESS I am not the only one like this! I'm afraid I drive people a little crazy, but it's all me and not them at all. I just don't like the phone, and I don't get around to any form of communication as often as I should. But I LOVE LOVE LOVE getting together with my friends. Get me face to face and I'll talk your ear off and be happy as a clam. I think basically I'm old school. I just really like to be face to face.

 

As well, although I'm a huge "idea" person and come up with some great stuff, I really appreciate it if people take the reigns from there to make the thing happen. :D

[Dana]

I think the fact that she seems happy to see you means she does like you. She most likely just doesn't like to call. She might even think, "It's so great that Plain Jane calls me because I know I'm pretty bad about that."

 

:iagree:

 

And I appreciate the friends I have who call me to keep in touch :)

I will rarely make outgoing calls.

I love email though!

[catz]

I hate making phone calls too. I don't know if it's an actual phone phobia, but I MUCH prefer to run my life online and via e-mail. My kids go crazy when I'm on the phone and I end up just thinking about the other things I should be doing. I'd much prefer to set up a coffee date with a friend and meet her out of my space to chat.

 

Anyway, I wouldn't take it personally at all! Will she e-mail or facebook with you?

[GingerPoppy]

Wow! That's pretty amazing, because that is very similar to me. I've told people before, "I have some weird phone phobia." I can never really explain my intense reluctance to call. Things like doctors appointments are much worse than calling friends, though it's inexplicably hard to call friends, too.

 

This "intense reluctance" is EXACTLY the way I feel about the phone. I can get past it, but it's always a little battle inside myself to get to that point.

[amy g.]

Well, I don't even call my own sister or best friend. I'm happy to talk to them when they call me, but I don't want to take the chance of calling at a bad time.

 

The only people I call are my husband and children.

[Daisy]

I am not a caller, nor a planner of social outings. I really appreciate my friends who continue to be my friends but do the inviting. I am introverted, though you might not be able to tell from the outside. I need to recharge after being with people; being with people doesn't recharge me. Maybe that's the core, and I am very busy with work and homeschooling. I just don't think to plan anything social. When I have free time, I tend to crash. However, I do care about my friends and enjoy seeing them and being with them.

 

I would say if she seems happy to be with you--take it at that.

 

Exactly. I couldn't say it better.

[elegantlion]

I have a phone phobia too. I always think I'm bugging people, I don't know what to say, but when I call someone, or they call me, we talk for a while and it's fine. I should get over it because I feel guilty.

 

I don't mind facebook, texting, or forums, but I feel like people can respond on their own time, have time for form their response (sometimes!).

 

I cringe if I have to make calls to businesses. I did work in insurance for 5 years where I spent all day on the phone dealing with complaints and questions and agents. Maybe I'm still suffering burnout.

[Guest]

This "intense reluctance" is EXACTLY the way I feel about the phone. I can get past it, but it's always a little battle inside myself to get to that point.

 

That is exactly me, too. In some cases, I will have an internal conversation for days or weeks that goes, "I really need to call Bob about the watchamacallit. Oh, he's probably not home right now, maybe I'll try later...oh, Bob is probably eating dinner and then he'll take his kid to soccer...Bob's probably watching TV now and won't want to be interrupted"......ad nauseum.

 

Usually, once I'm off a needed phone call I think, "Shew! What was the big deal?" But it will be a big deal the next time still. :glare:

[Upward Journey]

I never call people. Ever, if I can help it. But I have a phone phobia. I will have dh call people for us if at all possible. It's annoying and stupid :glare:, but there it is. I will text or talk to people on FB, but I will not call people until there is no option, and never ever for pleasure. I have told my friends this, though, so they don't think I'm ignoring them....

 

This is me as well. I have gotten a little better over the years, but mostly I'll do whatever I have to, to not call. We've missed quite a few opportunities over the years. It is what it is.

 

Because I loathe the phone I never think about calling someone to get together. If I'm with them I might make plans for the future, but call to make plans, no.

 

I'm also quite an introvert, so even though I love my friends I don't need to see or talk to them very often to feel fulfilled. In fact if I see too much of them, I tend to shut down and go into hibernation mode.

[Upward Journey]

If I knew you in real life, I would be your friend. I have huge phone anxiety. Not about talking on it but about calling people. Seriously, my heart starts racing, sometimes my palms get sweaty etc. Even something as mundane as making a doctor's appointment is difficult. I'm so very thankful for the people in my life who do call me and invite me places because I can never work up the nerve to call others. I don't mean to hurt others or make them think I don't care but it's so stressful for me that I always mange to talk myself out of making the phone call. But if you called me you would probably never know this about me because I do enjoy talking on the phone it's just dialing it that is problematic.

 

While I have no idea if your friend has these issues, I just wanted to give you a little bit of insight into why someone might not call.

 

Nodding in agreement.

[kalanamak]

It sounds like she truly likes you, so I'm guessing she has some issue that's not related to you :grouphug:.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

"It takes all kinds to make the world go round"

[Susan in TN]

I never call people. Ever, if I can help it. But I have a phone phobia. I will have dh call people for us if at all possible. It's annoying and stupid :glare:, but there it is. I will text or talk to people on FB, but I will not call people until there is no option

 

This is me too. I would be very embarrassed to have to share it with anyone IRL. I will call if it's really necessary, but even then I often have to mentally make a plan A, B, and C - What if they answer? What if another family member answers and has to take a message? What if I need to leave a message on voice mail (that's the worst one!)?

 

I am very happy to get phone calls - even "just to say hi" phone calls. I am more than happy to email. I'd probably text if I had a cell phone and knew how to do it.

 

Don't know why, really, although I tease myself that I was traumatized by a phone when I was young. (OK, I really was traumatized by a prank phone call, but I don't know if that has anything to do with it.) I don't know why I love to get phone calls but dread having to make them.

[SnowWhite]

I wonder whether the Internet is a communication outlet for those of us with aversions to using the telephone? It does seem that there are a preponderance of us here.

 

Along with all the others, I will own up to an intense dislike of phone conversations. Not only do I dislike calling people, I prefer not to chat terribly long on the phone, though I love talking in person and emailing.

 

I do like talking to my Mom on the phone though I often forget to call her. Occasionally (2-3 times per year) I will call my favorite aunt in another state. I NEVER call my bgf and I know it makes her crazy! My MIL would love for me to call her but the guilt over not calling her is not enough to make up for the dislike of calling.

[Guest]

I wonder whether the Internet is a communication outlet for those of us with aversions to using the telephone? It does seem that there are a preponderance of us here.

 

Along with all the others, I will own up to an intense dislike of phone conversations. Not only do I dislike calling people, I prefer not to chat terribly long on the phone, though I love talking in person and emailing.

 

I do like talking to my Mom on the phone though I often forget to call her. Occasionally (2-3 times per year) I will call my favorite aunt in another state. I NEVER call my bgf and I know it makes her crazy! My MIL would love for me to call her but the guilt over not calling her is not enough to make up for the dislike of calling.

 

I feel a poll coming on...:D

[Susan in TN]

Thank you for sharing this. :) I never considered this possibility. She doesn't text (no cell) and I'm not on FB so phone is our only communication.

 

I do email her but she never emails me (except to reply).

 

She may also have an initiating issue - because I realize now that I also rarely initiate an email unless I'm asking a specific question. If another person initiates one, though, I'll keep an email chain going back and forth 'til I'm blue in the face (although normally people have the sense to drop it before that happens.) :)

 

I do remember painful situations as a child that bring back the same type of uncomfortable/fearful feelings as when I consider initiating some friendly communication. And the very few times that I've gone out on a limb with it, I often get sick to my stomach wondering if that person will think I'm foolish or out of line with such friendliness. I know it makes no sense, but, like the PP said, there it is.

[justamouse]

I hate the phone. With a fiery passion. I know it makes no sense, but when it rings, I have to convince myself to pick it up.

 

Picking it up voluntarily to make a phone call? If it's a business call, then I'm OK with it (here is where my procrastination comes in), but a personal call is something I dread.

Edited December 6, 2011 by justamouse

[elegantlion]

I feel a poll coming on...:D

 

Oh, yes, a poll! I will gladly answer a poll, just not the phone.... Okay, I do answer.

[LittleIzumi]

Oh, yes, a poll! I will gladly answer a poll, just not the phone.... Okay, I do answer.

 

:lol::lol:

 

I'm getting all warm fuzzies now. I had no idea there were so many other people who have to psyche themselves up for a while just to make a doctor's appt. :tongue_smilie:

[Desert Rat]

Well, I don't even call my own sister or best friend. I'm happy to talk to them when they call me, but I don't want to take the chance of calling at a bad time.

 

The only people I call are my husband and children.

 

This is me. I always feel like I'm calling at a bad time or interupting or something.

I'm always happy to talk if someone calls, I just don't like to initiate. Even with my best friend.

I do have a friend right now who has recently quit facebook because she wants closer contact with people. She wants phone calls and lunches. I will try to call her more often because I value her friendship. But, I don't think she realized what she asking of some of us.

I have a hard time calling businesses too. I hate that I trip over my words and sound dumb on the phone.

[wapiti]

:lol::lol:

 

I'm getting all warm fuzzies now. I had no idea there were so many other people who have to psyche themselves up for a while just to make a doctor's appt. :tongue_smilie:

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

so glad I am not alone :tongue_smilie:

[Kathleen in VA]

I have a phone phobia too. I always think I'm bugging people, I don't know what to say, but when I call someone, or they call me, we talk for a while and it's fine. I should get over it because I feel guilty.

 

I don't mind facebook, texting, or forums, but I feel like people can respond on their own time, have time for form their response (sometimes!).

 

I cringe if I have to make calls to businesses. I did work in insurance for 5 years where I spent all day on the phone dealing with complaints and questions and agents. Maybe I'm still suffering burnout.

 

:iagree:I always wondering if I'm interrupting something important. That's usually the first thing I say, "Am I interrupting anything?" I absolutely hate making phone calls. It takes weeks to get my nerve up.

 

I'm also glad to know I'm not the only one. Really glad. Something about not being the only one is very comforting.

[Meriwether]

I call my sister, my mom, my Dh and my SIL. I have 2 or 3 friends I will call occasionally (once or twice a year) to chat with. I have a half dozen or so people I will call to set up get togethers with. I really dislike calling people I don't know - repairmen, portrait studio, pizza place, etc. It makes my Dh crazy but he has learned to just make the call.

[Meriwether]

:lol::lol:

 

I'm getting all warm fuzzies now. I had no idea there were so many other people who have to psyche themselves up for a while just to make a doctor's appt. :tongue_smilie:

 

There are probably more of us here than in the general population.

[BatmansWife]

If it's been a long time since I've talked to one of my siblings, or a dear friend of mine that moved away, when I do talk to them they'll say, "I never hear from you, why don't you ever call me?" It's like they forget that the phone works both ways...:confused: Hello?? They could call ME too, but never do. So why is that I'M the one to be made to feel guilty. :glare:

[love2read]

I don't call my friends because I always have a sense that I'm going to interrupt them or that they may just not want to talk on the phone. I do think it's a type of phone anxiety or fear or rejection. I usually mention this to good friends, but I'm 50 and it took me a long time to get to that point.

Edited December 6, 2011 by love2read
Just read the other replies and see that I'm not alone with my little problem :)

[foxbridgeacademy]

I never call people (except my sister) either. I am not phone phobic, can talk for hours! I just never think to call anyone else. Often I am to busy, talking to my sister;).

[Bluegoat]

I don't often call people, but I still really like many of them. I find the phone stressful and am much more likely to use email. But even then, I tend to be a little disorganized, so I end up not getting things planned in time.

 

I suppose I'm also a bit on the passive side in some ways, and I don't always like making decisions.

 

I am really really glad my friends call me and that some of them are good organizers.

 

I am much more likely to make plans with people that I run into on a regular basis in person.

[Jean in Newcastle]

This isn't a rant about someone, it's a genuine question because I don't know what to make of this and I'm way too chicken to simply ask her. :tongue_smilie:

 

There's a lady in my life that I've known for about 5 years now. Our kids have become very close friends and often have sleep overs and play dates. They also talk on the phone a lot.

 

Dh and I have had their family over for dinner/meals probably every few months for the last 5 years. I often call her and ask her to tea in the evening to get out or go shopping for a bit. I also used to call her once a week or once every two weeks just to say hello and we'd have good conversations and end up talking until one of us really has to go to make supper or get one with things. When the kids play we sit and visit. We seem to get along good.:confused:

 

Every time I call and invite her somewhere, she sounds happy to be invited and readily accepts. If we invite them for a meal, they find a way to make it so they can come and both of us try hard to get the kids together to play.

 

I'd say we were friends except she never calls me. Well, not exactly never, but only once, *maybe* twice a year and usually it's with a specific question. If we are to get together at a park or whatever, it's always my idea. I usually am the one to call and suggest a play date (she always readily accepts) or if I call just to say "hi" she'll sometimes say, "oh, Jane, let's get the kids together." But she'll never call me and suggest that. She never calls just to say hello, although a couple times when I've called her she'll say, "oh, I was thinking about

calling you." :rolleyes:

 

I don't know if I'm being childish and immature or if others would be hurt too. I don't really feel very important when she never takes the time to think to invite me to do anything.

 

Ugh. Am I just a baby about this? What do you make of this? Maybe she just doesn't like me. I can deal with that. :) Honestly, I am okay with that, but then why would she readily accept when I suggest getting together? Once we're doing something together, she does suggest meeting up again so I don't think she's against spending time with me. :confused: We do often meet up without the kids.

 

I'm not happy with how things are but I'm not comfortable with simply talking to her about it. I know she'll feel attacked and get super defensive and I don't want to offend her. She's a nice lady. I just don't understand what's going on.:confused:

 

I could have written your post (and have written some posts similar on other occasions). It bothers me to the point where I've started to jettison friends who don't care enough about me to be reciprocal in some manner (doesn't have to be the phone).

[k2bdeutmeyer]

I haven't read all the replies, but this is me too :) I LOVE to socialize with my friends, but I'm not one to initiate. I think it's a combination of being shy, and avoiding the potential for rejection. I also fear sounding stupid for suggesting something maybe too close to the last outing, or just sounding stupid in general.

[funschooler5]

I rarely call people, but I do email. I'm just not comfortable talking on the phone. It sounds like she truly likes you, so I'm guessing she has some issue that's not related to you :grouphug:.

 

This is me too. I rarely even call DH...we both prefer to text each other.

[Lisa R.]

As far as the, "I like to get together with people, but I just don't initiate," I'm done with that. I've been the initiator for years. People have told me how much they appreciated it. But you know, initiating isn't always easy. It takes thought and effort. If my friends aren't willing to put that effort forth, I've decided to put my efforts into relationships where there is some reciprocation. It doesn't have to be 50/50, but I've grown tired of relationships where I'm doing virtually all the inviting.

 

I had friends that, too, seemed to make the effort to meet and told me that they enjoyed the invitations. However, I came to the conclusion that they did not value the friendship enough as there was little to no effort on their part. I don't want a friendship of takers anymore. If someone is too introverted or too afraid of phone calls or whatever that is fine. I found that I have more in common with people that aren't exhausted by my company, aren't afraid to make a phone call, and aren't intimidated by calling me.

 

To me, real friendship is a two-way street.

[KidsHappen]

I also have an intense aversion to talking on the phone. I can count the amount of people I will talk to on the phone on one hand and even they know that they have to catch me at a really good time for me to answer. My hubby makes all neccesary family phones calls. If I must speak to someone, I will get on the phone long enough to tell them that they have my permission to talk to my hubby. I never knew that anyone else had this problem until I came to this board.

[elegantlion]

As far as the, "I like to get together with people, but I just don't initiate," I'm done with that. I've been the initiator for years. People have told me how much they appreciated it. But you know, initiating isn't always easy. It takes thought and effort. If my friends aren't willing to put that effort forth, I've decided to put my efforts into relationships where there is some reciprocation. It doesn't have to be 50/50, but I've grown tired of relationships where I'm doing virtually all the inviting.

 

I had friends that, too, seemed to make the effort to meet and told me that they enjoyed the invitations. However, I came to the conclusion that they did not value the friendship enough as there was little to no effort on their part. I don't want a friendship of takers anymore. If someone is too introverted or too afraid of phone calls or whatever that is fine. I found that I have more in common with people that aren't exhausted by my company, aren't afraid to make a phone call, and aren't intimidated by calling me.

 

To me, real friendship is a two-way street.

 

Do you require all of your get togethers be set up via the phone? Or do you e-mail, text? I agree friendship is a two-way street, but most of my planning either via text, e-mail, or PM. I don't see that as no effort, simply a different medium.

[Daisy]

When a friend calls me, I figure it is because THEY need the contact. I don't. It doesn't mean I don't consider them friends. When they want to go for coffee..okay, let's go. But I'm not likely to ever feel the need to call a friend up and arrange for a coffee date, kwim?

 

I consider that I'm reciprocating by actually talking to them when they stop by and going with them for coffee when they want to go. I'm never going to play social tit-for-tat.

[plain jane]

I could have written your post (and have written some posts similar on other occasions). It bothers me to the point where I've started to jettison friends who don't care enough about me to be reciprocal in some manner (doesn't have to be the phone).

 

As far as the, "I like to get together with people, but I just don't initiate," I'm done with that. I've been the initiator for years. People have told me how much they appreciated it. But you know, initiating isn't always easy. It takes thought and effort. If my friends aren't willing to put that effort forth, I've decided to put my efforts into relationships where there is some reciprocation. It doesn't have to be 50/50, but I've grown tired of relationships where I'm doing virtually all the inviting.

 

I had friends that, too, seemed to make the effort to meet and told me that they enjoyed the invitations. However, I came to the conclusion that they did not value the friendship enough as there was little to no effort on their part. I don't want a friendship of takers anymore. If someone is too introverted or too afraid of phone calls or whatever that is fine. I found that I have more in common with people that aren't exhausted by my company, aren't afraid to make a phone call, and aren't intimidated by calling me.

 

To me, real friendship is a two-way street.

 

I have to say that I'm sort of leaning this way with this person.

 

She makes me feel very under-valued as a friend. Like I'm not worth it to her to try to make an effort to initiate getting together from time to time. Sort of like she could either take-me-or-leave-me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't hurt.

 

But, on the flip side, I never had any inkling that people could have such an aversion to talking on the phone or initiating things so this thread has given me a MUCH greater understanding of what she may be experiencing.

[k2bdeutmeyer]

As far as the, "I like to get together with people, but I just don't initiate," I'm done with that. I've been the initiator for years. People have told me how much they appreciated it. But you know, initiating isn't always easy. It takes thought and effort. If my friends aren't willing to put that effort forth, I've decided to put my efforts into relationships where there is some reciprocation. It doesn't have to be 50/50, but I've grown tired of relationships where I'm doing virtually all the inviting.

 

I had friends that, too, seemed to make the effort to meet and told me that they enjoyed the invitations. However, I came to the conclusion that they did not value the friendship enough as there was little to no effort on their part. I don't want a friendship of takers anymore. If someone is too introverted or too afraid of phone calls or whatever that is fine. I found that I have more in common with people that aren't exhausted by my company, aren't afraid to make a phone call, and aren't intimidated by calling me.

 

To me, real friendship is a two-way street.

 

 

Hmmm.....I'm not sure what to say. I STRONGLY value my friendships (now that I finally have a few), but I still REALLY struggle with initiation. Always have. I have tried a few times, but got shot down. Not because they didn't want to, but because of one thing or another, but it makes it hard.

 

I hope my friends don't feel like this about me.