How do you feel about church dress code?

[Lara in Colo]

I have a laid back church and I am all for it, however, the new pastor (son of current one) is so laid back I find it distracting.

 

I grew up (and still am) pentacostal and have have a serious aversion to the "slicked back hair, three piece suit" type.

 

But new guy comes, ready to preach, in jeans, tee shirt, unshaved, with hair sort everywhere and in flip flips (uhh Colorado, November, flip flops???)

 

I know a lot men wear their hair in the "messy" fashion, and blue jeans do not offend me at all.

 

But the rumpled, "just got out of bed and drove to church" look is off putting. I keep thinking he forgot to brush his teeth and picked his shirt off the floor, smelled the armpits and said "good enough".

 

He is young and I guess this appeals to some, but I just find it distracting.

Can't you wear a real shirt, shave and have some real shoes on if you are going to be in front of 200 people?

 

Oh and a couple of weeks ago, he wore a baseball cap. Now he looks like he didn't have time to shower, either.

 

We have another pastor, also young, who wears jeans and has his hair in the "jelled to the weird angle" style. He looks hip and put together. Perhaps because he shaves?

It isn't the actual items he wears, it is the whole picture put together that says "college guy who overslept and couldn't find a clean shirt".

 

So would this bother you?

[DusksAngel]

It would be really distracting. Although, I have to admit, I come from a church that requires dresses/skirts of women and the men wear either dress pants or nice jeans and shirts (think country western/farmer).

[Lang Syne Boardie]

I wouldn't care about the jeans but I am a really big fan of hygiene. Has his main pastoral experience been as a camp counselor?

[Ellie]

Although I understand that God doesn't care how we look on the outside, it just doesn't seem respectful to go to church dressed such that it looks as if you threw your clothes in the air and ran under them. There was a time when even people who were not well off took as much care as possible with the clothing they did have for special events, KWIM?

 

I think our society as a whole has dumbed down more than academic skills. I don't think there's harm in dressing differently for things like weddings and church than we do for a day at the beach. It's why I continue to wear pantyhose. :D

[Parker Martin]

I go to an extremely casual church, and that would annoy me.

[Impish]

Ick.

 

To me, it sends the msg that what he's doing isn't worth putting some effort into, to simply look presentable.

 

I mean, if he were in another field, say, sales, would he be so uncaring about his appearance? A bit of effort to show that he considers what he's doing important wouldn't be amiss.

[J-rap]

Ick.

 

To me, it sends the msg that what he's doing isn't worth putting some effort into, to simply look presentable.

 

I mean, if he were in another field, say, sales, would he be so uncaring about his appearance? A bit of effort to show that he considers what he's doing important wouldn't be amiss.

 

 

Agree.

[snickelfritz]

Our pastor wears the more GQ relaxed look. Ex...It's more likely to be a button-up shirt that is untucked and his jeans seem pressed, but I've seen him in sandals.

 

We had friends who came to visit and didn't like seeing members in shorts. It's just hard to draw a line, unless it's ties and jackets for the men and dresses for the women. Otherwise, the line between the one you say seems fine and the one who doesn't......it's a very fine line.

 

If he's otherwise solid, I would assume that his fashion will mature as he does.

[chiguirre]

Well, it is his job. You couldn't show up at most other jobs looking that bad.

[butterflymommy]

I am all for dress codes. It's comforting for me to see people well dressed, modestly dressed, put together. Outside of the church you see all kinds of things, it's nice to have a "retreat."

 

The pastor at the church I go to wears a suit and I love it :D. Most of the guys there are neatly dressed, some jeans but few t shirts. The women tend to dress nicely too, some are in dress suits but most are just neat/ presentable. Only the teen girls wear jeans, many wear dresses/ skirts.

[Bluegoat]

I think that if we take more care with our appearance when we go out on a date than when we meet with our religious community to worship, it says something about our priorities.

 

How that translates into actual clothing will vary by person.

[Excelsior! Academy]

Although I understand that God doesn't care how we look on the outside, it just doesn't seem respectful to go to church dressed such that it looks as if you threw your clothes in the air and ran under them.

 

:iagree:

[Dobela]

I think that if we take more care with our appearance when we go out on a date than when we meet with our religious community to worship, it says something about our priorities.

 

How that translates into actual clothing will vary by person.

:iagree:

[Margo out of lurking]

I want casual. I don't want, how Ellie so perfectly put it, throw your clothes in the air and run under them.:lol:

 

I can't get past the baseball cap though. I'm too busy wondering if he at least took it off to pray . . .

[Aubrey]

I think that level of casual is an attempt by a younger generation to break out of a stereotype.

 

That said, the level of casual you're describing tells me he's not married yet. ;)

[Whereneverever]

That would bother me deeply. I go to a church where the pastors were clerical shirts and vestments and I'd be really distracted by messy dress.

[FaithManor]

Ick.

 

To me, it sends the msg that what he's doing isn't worth putting some effort into, to simply look presentable.

 

I mean, if he were in another field, say, sales, would he be so uncaring about his appearance? A bit of effort to show that he considers what he's doing important wouldn't be amiss.

 

 

I agree with this. Every occupation has an acceptable range within the dress code for that job. This is not acceptable. If dh went to work looking like that, he'd be fired. Simple...out.of.a.job. Mechanics usually need old jeans or a jumpsuit, waitstaff have uniforms, dd has a paramedic uniform that is perfect for the job but definitely not for much else, scrubs for the nurses, labcoats for the doctors, Wellingtons for the dairy farmer, etc. But, that doesn't make that clothing appropriate for all occasions.

 

While I understand the concept that a more casual look can put people at ease, lack of care for personal appearance and personal hygiene is not the acceptable answer. A pair of fitted, clean, not ripped jeans, short or long sleeve button down shirt with the top button undone and even the sleeves rolled up a little, loafers that are still in good shape, and clean shaven with hair that has seen some attention, is just the ticket. This is not off-putting to casual worshippers, but it shows that he cares about his position.

 

Faith

[momacacia]

I think that if we take more care with our appearance when we go out on a date than when we meet with our religious community to worship, it says something about our priorities.

 

How that translates into actual clothing will vary by person.

:iagree:

 

Would he go to a wedding like that? A nice restaurant? If he would it's either poor training, ignorance or poverty. Someone should help him with any of those. I'm okay with casual, but slob is just slob. I think God deserves better. It is a respect issue in my mind. And probably a little more of that dumbing down of everything in our culture. :glare:

[Myeightkiddies]

Can I sit on the fence on this? Here's why:

 

For me, I am fine with the typical dress code for church.

 

However, throughout the years, many have stated that they don't attend church because of the dress code. In these cases it wasn't because they didn't want to put forth the effort it was because they didn't own the clothes and didn't have the money. Moms would say that their children just had play clothes or their blue collar husband only had jeans or that she only owned one dress. Usually money was a huge issue and even going to Goodwill would add up.

 

If a more relaxed dress code (clean but jeans or such would be acceptable) was in place, there may be more attending.

 

It isn't always about respect or effort. Sometimes it makes going to church something exclusive.

 

I really dislike the thought of families wanting to go but feeling ashamed. Church should never make someone feel ashamed or unworthy.

 

I know that the ladies on this board would never let someone feel that way. It isn't a judgement or criticism for those here. But I've seen it in my area. I've watched church people look and whisper at some visitors. I've heard actual comments. Of course those people are wrong in doing so and shame on them, but it is a reality. Some people just seem to lose sight of the big picture.

[JMDRAD]

Although I understand that God doesn't care how we look on the outside, it just doesn't seem respectful to go to church dressed such that it looks as if you threw your clothes in the air and ran under them. There was a time when even people who were not well off took as much care as possible with the clothing they did have for special events, KWIM?

 

I think our society as a whole has dumbed down more than academic skills. I don't think there's harm in dressing differently for things like weddings and church than we do for a day at the beach. It's why I continue to wear pantyhose. :D

 

I pretty much agree with this. Our pastors always wear ties and suits on Sundays and most people dress up a little. It's not about a dress code; it's about showing respect for what we are doing, worshiping God. I personally feel that it's important for church leadership to dress appropriately, but I don't pay hardly any attention to what others are wearing. Just my 2 cents.:D

[Myeightkiddies]

But this is a pastor. If he is a pastor, it is more than likely that he is getting paid. Meaning he can afford to at least hang dry his washed clothes if nothing else. Way different than a parishoner that doesn't have a lot of money. Pastors should set an example, and even in our very relaxed church, I would be raising an eyebrow at this pastor's level of casualness in a Sunday sermon.

 

Yes. I do agree with this. If the Pastor wanted to be more casual, he could wear a dress shirt and tie with jeans and some nice casual-dress shoes. This would give a casual overtone with dressy elements.

 

Jeans, t-shirt, flip-flops, etc. are too casual for a Sunday (for a Pastor). It would be fine for a more casual event such as something for the youth or camp or bonfire or something such as that. Even then I would probably suggest something such as tennis shoes, jeans, and a nice polo type shirt or short sleeve dress shirt.

 

Also adding: There's nothing wrong with the pastor wearing a full suit either. It would be nice if the pastor (or pastors in general) did encourage the congregation to accept visitors (or even regulars) who were not able to always dress nice (dresses, suits, etc.). Sometimes people just need to be reminded.

Edited November 16, 2011 by Myeightkiddies

[Bluegoat]

Can I sit on the fence on this? Here's why:

 

For me, I am fine with the typical dress code for church.

 

However, throughout the years, many have stated that they don't attend church because of the dress code. In these cases it wasn't because they didn't want to put forth the effort it was because they didn't own the clothes and didn't have the money. Moms would say that their children just had play clothes or their blue collar husband only had jeans or that she only owned one dress. Usually money was a huge issue and even going to Goodwill would add up.

 

If a more relaxed dress code (clean but jeans or such would be acceptable) was in place, there may be more attending.

 

It isn't always about respect or effort. Sometimes it makes going to church something exclusive.

 

I really dislike the thought of families wanting to go but feeling ashamed. Church should never make someone feel ashamed or unworthy.

 

I know that the ladies on this board would never let someone feel that way. It isn't a judgement or criticism for those here. But I've seen it in my area. I've watched church people look and whisper at some visitors. I've heard actual comments. Of course those people are wrong in doing so and shame on them, but it is a reality. Some people just seem to lose sight of the big picture.

 

Apart from the very unfortunate who are actually homeless, most people can afford to clean up, wear clean things and wash, and shave or actually grow a beard and comb hair.

 

Even pastors I've seen who are very casual and work with the destitute are always neat and clean.

[DesertDweller]

I could probably overlook it for a midweek service or a bible study.

 

If it's on Sunday though, I would expect a little more effort to be made or the appearance of some effort. If not for me, then for those that might be visiting.

 

I think when you're in a profession in which you have to be in front of people and deal with the public greater care should be taken in how you dress. I know in this day and age many churches have become very casual, but at the same time the minister should try to have a little higher standards since he will be the one in front of the congregation. I'm not advocating a suit and tie, but the I-just-got-out-of-bed-look may be a little too far the other way. At least it would be for me.

[justamouse]

Although I understand that God doesn't care how we look on the outside, it just doesn't seem respectful to go to church dressed such that it looks as if you threw your clothes in the air and ran under them. There was a time when even people who were not well off took as much care as possible with the clothing they did have for special events, KWIM?

 

I think our society as a whole has dumbed down more than academic skills. I don't think there's harm in dressing differently for things like weddings and church than we do for a day at the beach. It's why I continue to wear pantyhose. :D

:iagree: (though I don't wear pantyhose in the summer. ;))

 

My last church had a dress code, down to polished fingernails (if you wanted to serve in any way). It grated. I don't think church dress should be a barrier to overcome in church attendance. But girls going to church in camis with bra straps all over and itty bitty shorts and flip flops grates, too. Same with me seeing butt cracks on the boys. There's a time and place for everything.

Edited November 16, 2011 by justamouse

[elegantlion]

The messy t-shirts and cap might bother me. Flips flops? No, wouldn't bother me. I think we should all worship barefoot, but that's a personal thing. If I liked his teaching I would overlook the dress.

 

I much prefer casual dress for church*. Here's my reason. I used to sing on the worship team at one of our previous churches. We had a dress code, it was all black for a long time. It was a pain and I found myself craving variety. I also found myself thinking more about what I was going to wear than about spending time with God. My issue, obviously, but it helped me realize that we aren't there to look good. I can be respectful and still be casual. It's my attitude more than my attire. Some people tie respectability up in attire, I prefer to attire my heart correctly (still working on that one, all the time) and wear what I have.

 

Maybe he's experimenting. Maybe he's having a private issue where he feel like he needs to dress casually, maybe God is showing him something about others or himself.

 

 

 

*we are currently not in a church for a plethora of reasons. I still worship at home, in my bare feet.

[milovany]

Considering that our pastors usually dress something like this, yeah, that would bother me. :001_huh: :001_smile:

Edited November 16, 2011 by milovaný

[justamouse]

Considering that our pastors usually dress something like this, yeah, that would bother me. :001_huh: :001_smile:

 

 

true dat! An alb and chausable are a beautiful thing.

Edited November 16, 2011 by justamouse
link changed

[Chris in VA]

Ellie, I love how you turn a phrase!

Although I understand that God doesn't care how we look on the outside, it just doesn't seem respectful to go to church dressed such that it looks as if you threw your clothes in the air and ran under them.

:lol:

 

I don't like super casual for church. That said, I occasionally make the less fortunate feel completely comfy in church by coming in my jeans and a tee...:D I always say I'm going "incognito" when that happens.

 

My hubby wears a clerical shirt.--good thing, because the poor man can't dress. Bless his heart.

[Heather in Neverland]

Ick.

 

To me, it sends the msg that what he's doing isn't worth putting some effort into, to simply look presentable.

 

I mean, if he were in another field, say, sales, would he be so uncaring about his appearance? A bit of effort to show that he considers what he's doing important wouldn't be amiss.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Abigail4476]

I like dressing up for church (for anything), so I would be a little disappointed if it were completely phased out. At the same time, I feel more comfortable in a casual atmosphere.

 

It's probably fine to have some rules about modesty, neatness and cleanliness; I don't really think there should be rules about dressy vs. casual.

[Laurie4b]

It might bother me a little; I don't know. If it did, I would tell myself that my irritation had nothing to do with anything important and let it go.

[K-FL]

Is his other job a bartender & he just got to bed after 4am closing? I live in a very casual, resort town. The only time you see a man in a suit is if he's on his way to court. Even here the pastors dress nicely, even if it's a Hawaiian shirt. I can't ever recall seeing a pastor in sandals of any type.

[Myeightkiddies]

Apart from the very unfortunate who are actually homeless, most people can afford to clean up, wear clean things and wash, and shave or actually grow a beard and comb hair.

 

Even pastors I've seen who are very casual and work with the destitute are always neat and clean.

 

I understand what you mean. Let me just give an example of what I was referring to in my statement.

 

If a family (mom, dad, and three children) decide to start going to church, they may not have any "church" clothes. They will probably attend their first Sunday bathed, brushed, but perhaps in jeans and whatever they have that they think is their best. Whether they return the next Sunday will depend on how they were welcomed. If they were made to feel ashamed because all the females weren't in dresses or that the males weren't wearing suits or dress shirts and ties, they may never return. It is hard to say how long before they visit a church again.

 

If this family did continue going, I'm sure they will strive to obtain church clothes, but with the current economic situation, many (even the non-homeless) cannot afford to pick up more than a piece here and there over several months time.

 

Given time, any family can afford to have church clothes - new or used. However, if they are treated poorly or made to feel as outcast, would they want to even return?

 

I suppose that is my point.

 

While my family has church clothing and it isn't an issue, I do my best to welcome all visitors. If I believe they do not own church clothes and cannot run out and buy them, I do, once establishing a friendly relationship in order to make them feel comfortable, offer some nice clothes that my children no longer can wear. I don't specifically state they are for church, but there will be some dresses and dress shirts/ties/slacks in there. I'm always sure to thank them for accepting the items as it helps me keep my laundry to a manageable state, which is very true.

[Rebecca VA]

I think the leadership can set a tone for the worship service without having to resort to a dress code. If the behavior of the leaders is reverent, if the service is conducted without any silliness (jokes and that sort of thing), and the focus is on God instead of on themselves, the congregants will pick up on that. However, I've seen too many church services that are little more than human-centered social events. It's no wonder that people seek to make themselves comfortable; the focus is on THEM instead of on the Lord.

[laundrycrisis]

I am not a churchgoer. That said, I am not willing to give my time to listen to any speaker, anywhere, who doesn't have enough respect for the time and attention his/her audience to put some effort into presenting himself well. That includes both dress and grooming. To me a sloppily dressed, poorly groomed speaker says, "I'm TOO SEXY for this gig, and I'm doing you all a huge favor by even being bothered enough to show up...so hang on my every word, swoon over my BO, and say nice things to me, cuz I am hot stuff. " It's very arrogant.

[pqr]

I like coat and tie or appropriate clerical robes.

 

A church is the House of God not an arcade and I try to dress in a manner befitting the location.

 

 

 

......others feel differently but I would not attend in jeans or without a shave.

Edited November 16, 2011 by pqr

[Lara in Colo]

I guess my biggest issue is less about the actual clothing and more about the hygiene.

I keep thinking he had bad breath and didn't take a shower.

I also think that my pastor should put at least as much into his dressing as I do.

I don't know, it sort feels like he just didn't care enough to get up 1/2 earlier or look in the mirror.

 

 

Lara

[mytwomonkeys]

our church is very casual. the staff wear jeans, t-shirts, etc. but no flip-flops, shorts, or unkept clothing. having said that, i really wouldn't care if i attended a church and the pastor dressed as you described. i myself wear flip flops to church. if his teaching was off-base or watered down, i would have an issue with that though.

[*Lulu*]

I used to feel very uncomfortable in a church that was casual for many of the reasons others have listed. Then I went to work with a church re-start that was focused on being an outreach. My job was given a dress code. It was jeans. I felt so out of place at first, then it became natural. I thank God for that time of adjustment.

 

After leaving that church we became involved in a dressier church, (casual dressy), and then we took a huge financial blow in 2008. I was facing a closet full of either too large or too small clothing with no money to buy more. I cried each week I had to walk my children into that church in the "wrong" clothes. many weeks I found a reason not to go at all. Then we just walked away. For 6 months we looked for a new church; every place felt like walking into a repeat of what we had left.

 

Finally we found a church whose members dress anywhere from dressy casual to the style of the preacher in the OP. I could walk in in my sweats and find the same loving treatment as on the morning I wore my very best clothing. It is because of this casual atmosphere and welcoming spirit that our congregation has members of the homeless community in regular attendance. It is because of this atmosphere that we have many members that were raised in church and left now attending again.

 

I agree that church can easily become a human-centered, social event. In my experience, however, that happens just as quickly and even more viciously in dressier congregations.

[macpuffins]

Ick.

 

To me, it sends the msg that what he's doing isn't worth putting some effort into, to simply look presentable.

 

I mean, if he were in another field, say, sales, would he be so uncaring about his appearance? A bit of effort to show that he considers what he's doing important wouldn't be amiss.

 

:iagree:

 

btw - our youth pastor often is in flipflops (in NB, Canada) sometimes even in winter. But there's a reason. He prefers to worship w/ bare feet for he is on holy ground.

btw2 - when said youth pastor looks 'a wreck' we know it was a rough night for at least 1 of his 4 children! he's a MEGA hands-on pappa and on those days, he's just glad to make it to church w/o the offending fluids being on his clothing!

[macpuffins]

our church is very casual. the staff wear jeans, t-shirts, etc. but no flip-flops, shorts, or unkept clothing. having said that, i really wouldn't care if i attended a church and the pastor dressed as you described. i myself wear flip flops to church. if his teaching was off-base or watered down, i would have an issue with that though.

 

Pretty much :iagree:

 

I've been to places that frowned upon those who didn't "dress up to code" and called into question a person's walk w/ Christ. It was one of those "shiny clean on the outside, not so much on the inside"

And I've been to places where if it covered the important parts, and didn't smell, it was fair game. In that case, it was because the pastoral staff did not want to "dress better" or "flaunt" the congregation because it was in a greatly reduced SES that many other churches. You'd not fault the preaching/teaching there either. It was "in the trenches" type preaching.

 

p.

[HRAAB]

Although I understand that God doesn't care how we look on the outside, it just doesn't seem respectful to go to church dressed such that it looks as if you threw your clothes in the air and ran under them. There was a time when even people who were not well off took as much care as possible with the clothing they did have for special events, KWIM?

 

I think our society as a whole has dumbed down more than academic skills. I don't think there's harm in dressing differently for things like weddings and church than we do for a day at the beach. It's why I continue to wear pantyhose. :D

 

:iagree: and so glad to know I'm not the last woman left who wears pantyhose.