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macpuffins

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  1. Dora the Explorer translated into French as shown on Canadian television! Holy cow! We PVR them, and watch later w/ our DD. One episode it literally took both my husband and myself 8-10 viewings to understand the lyrics of a song. "My new school Mon nouveau école." Not only was the French hideously pronounced (we frequently look at each other w/ the "uh, what was that?" while we cringe face), but even the English isn't pronounced well. It's great when you watch in English because both the English and the Spanish are completely understandable and not garbled. But when it got ported to French, I'm not sure where those French speakers might have been from, but I know where they weren't from! FWIW: I grew up in an Acadian bilingual home (Mom French, Dad English) but lost much of my abilities when I went to English-only school since French was punished. My Husband took late immersion (grade 7-12) and has an accent that let's folks know he is not a native speaker of the language because he can neither hear nor produce some of the nuances of the lingo.
  2. I'm 'mathy' and always have been. Math was the subject you never had to BEG me to do. Had to beg me to NOT do it ahead (that didn't work). Once I got into Calculus & Statistics, well... Let's just say I used Calculus to defrag my brain when I was studying for the GRE general & psychology exams. When I hit a snag in my Psychology thesis - calculus. Hit a BIG snag? Take that graduate level multivariate statistics course that tweaks the brain. Realize after-the-fact that the stats course SOLVED the not-exactly-a-stats-problem with thesis data analysis. Hubby is mathy. He chose to learn how to do cube roots in his head just to make sure his students (he teaches at the local CC) paid attention to him, because he actually KNEW what he was talking about. He also used it as a small fund raiser for donating to minor causes - after all, how many public school graduates in CC believe that their instructors can do cube roots in their head? Yeah, not many. :) DD4.5 = mathy. It's genetic. AND environmental. We have stuff around w/ letters/numbers everywhere. She gets it. Period. She understands minus & take-away while her friends don't even get addition with simple things. Discovered that when she was watching a game played at her g-parents' place, and corrected Nanny for adding things up wrong, because those 2 numbers can't give you that! (was adding 5s, and got a number that didn't end in a 5 or 0 - yeah, colour US shocked). I have friends I went to HS with, they didn't consider themselves mathy, but the school was a girls' school and everyone was expected to take Math12 if you were an academic not business student (and even business students were to take business math12). A couple of them went on and are now math teachers because it finally 'stuck' after taking it for so long (and being expected to excel in it just BECAUSE that's what you did). I never heard that someone could not be mathy. It was always considered something where it could change. If someone wasn't getting it, it was because the student wasn't being taught in a manner that got through to them. Even a couple friends who had SERIOUS math woes were expected to get it, and eventually did. In one case, she was later diagnosed w/ dysnumeria, but because of her consistent use of strategies throughout her education, she was mathy in spite of it. [Why yes, the nuns did do 'drill & kill' with a lather, rinse, repeat kind of attitude!] eta: I was also considered a 'word nerd' even though I had troubles with English, especially grammar. I was the girl with her nose in a book, All.The.Time. yet I struggled immensely with simple grammatical concepts. Taking Latin helped immensely, and showed me that I had not been taught the grammatical basics in a manner consistent with my learning style. Nothing like taking a foreign (dead) language that is taught by a music instructor in a very scientific manner to get through to me concepts I had struggled with for years.
  3. I would accept it, whole-heartedly. The revision process will be less drudgery if it was fun to write in the first place. Some folks have mentioned that they'd only allow it for creative writing. Yes, that is certainly an option, and for many families, that's the perfect compromise. BUT, there are ways to turn Fanfic writing into academic/programmed writing. Cover letter, letter of application, etc., can all be done from a character's POV, and you may be able to gently place it into the realm without having to bludgeon them. Persuasive writing, compare/contrast, cause/effect, description, narrative, process analysis, and definition, can all be transitioned into directed writing in a Fanfic realm/universe. For those who's brains just don't think this way, here's a couple examples: (I'm a Sci-fi fan, and have been since almost birth; but any place where there is a defined universe, lore, history, mythology, and characters can be fair game for not just creative writing, but also the other forms that are seen in academic writing. A familiarity with the realm/universe/time that is a shared love by the student and parent is also an excellent time for bonding, good discussions, etc) Letter of application or cover letter (this was one of the harder ones for me to do): How would Wesley Crusher have written his life experience essay for StarFleet entrance requirements? How different would that be if it were Nog? Star Trek was a morality examination in the guise of futuristic science fiction, often vaguely disguised, but still recognizable. In this, there are a myriad possibilities. I have a good dozen leaping to mind, some appropriate for a younger child such racial inequality {http://www.trektoday...ttlefield.shtml}. For middle school through younger high school and beyond has the option for meatier topics such as forced relocation {http://www.trektoday...rneys_end.shtml}, infiltration of an outlaw faction to bring them down/prevent cultural item destruction {http://www.trektoday..._part_one.shtml and http://www.trektoday..._part_two.shtml}, genetic tampering {http://www.trektoday...7/lineage.shtml}, judgement/punishment/solitary confinement {http://www.trektoday...irty_days.shtml}. and those are just a few. High school juniors/seniors can handle some of the more sobering topics that I'd never put on a younger child: prisoner of war/torture {http://www.trektoday..._part_one.shtml and http://www.trektoday..._part_two.shtml}, collusion/inciting to war {http://www.trektoday...moonlight.shtml}, enforced euthanasia {http://www.trektoday...lf_a_life.shtml}, assisted suicide {http://www.trektoday...n5/ethics.shtml}, witch hunts (not literal witch hunts, figurative ones) {http://www.trektoday..._drumhead.shtml}. I have written a university piece for a Psychology course - Non-Verbal Communication - using the life of Spock through the Original Series and the first 4 movies. It was an examination that I later saw taken up as variants in fanfiction. Got an A+ on the paper (50% of the course grade). I used quotes from Star Trek in my Masters' Thesis (and had them commended as being more apt than a couple of literature examples) on Human Rights and Personality correlates. These are things that can be done inside the realms of fanfiction, using it as a springboard..
  4. I started my journey to homeschooling MissB before I got pregnant with her. I already knew that the school to which she'd have to go was a lousy school. It used to be ok, but now, no. So I started reading up on TWTM when I was on enforced rest during my pregnancy and it just resonated w/ my heart in such a way that it put me more at ease for a lot of things. In the time since then, I've learned things that make it even more an issue. Reasons against public schooling in the Anglophone system: 1. The school which she would **HAVE** to attend is the absolute worst in the entire district (and that says something). I've spoken with various district folks, and b/c of the subdivision in which we live, that is the ONLY school in the district that will accept her. They want middle class families to send their kids there so they have at least a few students performing remotely on par. That would mean traveling out of the district, 2x daily to get her, as there would be zero busing options for her. Since our province has amalgamated the districts, that would be a considerable drive. It would preclude me working in any manner outside the home as I would expend almost all my daily energy getting her there and back (minimum distance is 55km over a road that sucks in the winter).. 2. Finding out from the literacy resource person for K that when MissB was 2.5 and knew her ABCs in order, she was already ahead of more than 1/2 the incoming K group, that gap would be increasing almost monthly in the interim. 3. Her birthday being in February means she will be 5yr7mo when K starts. Even though she is currently 4yr3mo, she can count higher than required in K, in both English and French. She knows the sounds of most of her letters and is clamouring to learn how to read. I've been doing the foundation very gently. 4. Our district is pathetic on differentiated instruction when it comes to students who are advanced in any manner. This results in advanced students sitting like lumps on a log for the majority of the classroom day, which is 6hrs. 5. The school she would attend is also home to the Alternative Education Centre for students who have used up all their chances at other schools in the district, but are not of an age to be out of school. As a result, there is a disproportionate number who have streamed from the K-8 school to the AEC deliberately. There would students from 4yrs8mo to 18yrs on the same property (though at different times) and there are no sweeps of the yard for drug paraphernalia, cigarette butts, condoms, leftovers from alcohol containers, etc. The one positive we have in favour of public school is if we can get her into the Francophone system for K. Even though we are a predominantly English family, we speak to her in French for at least part of every day. There are things we require her to do in French (with prompting from us), etc. Since the Anglophone system in our province lost early immersion at K, and it is now Grade 3, this would be the best choice. In the case that we can get her in (not exactly going to be easy b/c of our names, and the fact we weren't educated in French in this province, though Hubby was through middle Immersion from 7-12), I will be English after-schooling.
  5. So, I'm not alone. Yay. After reading TWTM while pregnant with MissB, I tentatively planned out her education through to high school graduation. HEAVY STEM emphasis. Now that things have changed a bit, and that she may go to French school, I'm revising things, and that's taking time. I just want her literate in English before she starts French as it is more of a whole-language approach, and phonics is how we decode English (though I have found a phonics book for French!). Hubby has realized that no matter what happens, she will be doing considerable education at home, even if she spends the day in a French school. I have a bunch of curriculum materials for LA (esp phonics, early reading), Canadiana, a few things for science/math, and nothing for Canadian or World history. So I'd say I'm on par with how things are in my mind. I'm more a STEM or languages spine person (she's already responding to French queries, knows some Spanish, and a bit of Chinese), so languages are one of her skill areas, and I do not want to lose that. So now I have to take up some slack and learn those two languages for which I have no knowledge (Spanish, Chinese). I also have to update my spreadsheets ;)
  6. Glad I'm not the only one noticing the challenge when it has been a time since the previous use. But I suspect that much of it will fall back into place, as some things have done in the past. I find the more we do the 'fall into place because it has already been a learned skill' in front of our children, the more we can impress upon them that learning a skill in advance of actually needing it really DOES make a difference later on, even if the skill needs significant work to refresh! :) :) I've even used the "No, you don't need it now, and might never need it. But if you do, having learned it easily now will make refreshing the skill a whole lot easier later." In response to "Well then I'll learn it later!" argument, I've used "Yeah, that doesn't work so well in adults. Learning it at your age is a piece of cake. So why not learn it while it is easy? I'd rather re-learn a skill I've had in the past than try to learn it from scratch and be frustrated!" It did work a couple times, w/ the children of friends, and nephews. I've yet to have occasion to test it w/ my own child. I suspect after one application of this reality in one of her parents, she'll catch on - she's pretty good like that! :)
  7. This type of bilingualism happens in Moncton, NB too. Well, to be fair, the greater Moncton area, up through parts of the North Shore of NB, etc. We have pockets where there is uni-lingual fluency with a melange for the other language. We also have a dialect that is a bit brutal to understand by those who are uni-lingual French or uni-lingual English, Chiac. [ French version http://fr.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiac ; English version http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chiac ] Anecdote: Local friend from Finland (speaks Finnish, Swedish, English, French, German; reads all 5; written fluency limited in German, otherwise all 5 as well) said that walking behind some teens speaking Chiac, her husband and herself were SO confused, it took them a good 5 minutes to determine what was being spoken, as the accent for Chiac isn't either an English OR a French one. After 3-4years living among folks who speak it, they 'added' it to their list of understood languages, but not to spoken or written fluency.
  8. Use the new puppy as excuse, and give puppy some quick leash training (heel, come, sit, whatever) immediately after the phone - some good 'reasons' to have puppy issues: - new puppy takes phone ring as cue to pee NOW, so you gotta go take him outside immediately (if she calls back in 10 minutes, use the same line, and say "what can you do, small puppy, small bladder")... then take the dog for a 30s leash exercise outside... - some other "gotta walk the dog NOW" issue... then go walk the dog to the sidewalk and back... - keep the leash by the phone so you can say "sorry, got the dog leash in my hands and was about to step out w/ him"... turn the kitchen faucet on just before picking up phone "look I gotta go I left the water running" or "I'm up to my elbows in dish bubbles" get one of the kids to respond to a cue of some sign you can make up, and then have the appropriate child go "hey mom, look at what I can do!" or "Mom, come see what I just did"... so you can say "kids need me, have to go"... There's also the ever popular "I have to go pee", "you caught me on the way out the door", "something on the stove is going to boil over", set the microwave to ding in a few seconds "gotta go [blank] is ready"... When my mother was alive and used to call all the time to harass me, I used to head to the apartment door, and have one foot in the hallway outside of it so hubby could legit say "she just stepped out the door, I'm not sure when she will be back"... ::sighs:: on your behalf...
  9. We are average, standard-issue for our demographic in our area. We are fortunate to live in an area that has a reasonably low cost-of-living per sq foot for housing in many desirable areas. :) That being said, we are less than 2 miles form homes that reasonably sell for 3-5x our asking price; homes we would not consider because of their location, lack of trees, and fact they're less centrally located to the primary regions we frequent. We can walk to everything but our church and hospital (both more than 1mi away at 7 and 2-ish respectively). My husband is a 5 minute walk to his work, as am I. When this house was built and shortly thereafter, many parts of the area developed in support of the new suburban areas. Over the last decade, the development in our portion of our city has been exponential; everything from new subdivisions, mini-malls, big-box stores, etc., have sprung up within a 5km/3.1mi range toward the northwest. As a result we are a 1-car family, and that reduces our income requirement significantly, and we only refill our Toyota Echo every 10d or so, depending on visits out of the area to visit hubby's folks. Our community is currently NOT a public transit/alternative transit friendly area (bus service is on lockout, things don't look pretty, talks broken off again, etc), but even with traffic as it is, we can make it from one end of the tri-community area, to the extreme opposite in under 20 minutes, 30 during 'rush' periods or accounting for detours due to construction season. We are in a tri-community area of approx 125k people, with our primary city being about 65k, with 2 significant communities attached in a contiguous and interlinked manner. A recent MLS listing search of our area, putting in our specifics in requirements, yielded roughly 40-50 in our price range, prior to having some culled from the list by an agent who knows more information than that placed in a listing. And given the laundry list I alluded to previously, we could reasonably expect to pay 10-25% more than the current value of our home. Most of the homes in that price range in our area (especially our immediate mini-subdivision) do NOT stay on the open market any real length of time. One of the houses on our street recently was sold within 3wks of placing it out. Another home, slightly less desirable due to having a couple more items needing work, is on the market, has been for about 10d, and we expect it to be sold before the end of the month. BTW - Canadian, living in Moncton, NB: less than 45 minutes to the highest tides in the world, Nova Scotia, the warmest water north of VA, and the coldest water south of the Arctic Circle. We get more snow than any other community our size or larger in Canada (but we are barely a shadow in the rain department), we have a temperate northern maritime climate with 4 distinct seasons that can be intense, and vary between 8h15m of sun time in December to 15h45m in June. Low pollution index, high quality of living, and a culturally diverse, bilingual area that is economically diverse as well. :)
  10. Most folks have spoken to many of the issues I would have in buying a new home, but I guess my take is rather different, and you should have seen our checklist when we started thinking about buying a home, many of them are things folks don't think of unless they have health issues: would not buy a home with: 1] attached garage - too risky w/ fumes getting into the house, I'm already chemically injured by petrochemical fumes, don't need to be adding insult to that 2] mould/mildew or a bathroom w/o a fan 3] smoker's home 4] carpet 5] leaky basement 6] wiggly windows (winter sucks money out of a house, don't need it LITERALLY sucking it out too) 7] lawn care company that uses anything I can't eat or drink on the property 8] creosote or Wolmanized or other permeated wood product for a deck 9] anyone who can not or will not provide me w/ the specific product usage and dates of most recent usage for vermin eradication had better be certifying the lack of presence of those beasties! 10] recent paint unless a low-to-no VOC brand used, but I would prefer to do my own 11] cracks/grooves/etc in the tub surround materials - this one is non-negotiable unless they're willing to put in a completely new fixture & surround that doesn't require toxic glues/adhesives to seal! been nailed before. 12] storage of cologne in bathroom medicine cabinet, obvious copious use of bleaching agents, smelly candles, room freshener, etc. - then again, I can't even BE in those houses any real length of time, so the risk of buying one is limited. 13] another non-negotiable item - house MUST have 2 forms/sources of heating, at least 1 of which is independent of power. 14] dodgy electric system, drippy faucets, or dusty power junction box indoors; outside I want to see a nice, neat, power/phone/etc inlet area, not something that looks like "attack of the spaghetti monster" 15] no overhead lighting in rooms - our current living room is a black hole, even with 4 lights in it, pale green walls, white ceiling, etc. I don't care if the lights are switch-controlled, but they just have to WORK (or be easily made workable). 16] spare oil tanks in the house or on the property that aren't currently being used to provide heat (spent $500 getting one of THOSE removed from this house) 17] downwind from industrial things, OR an abattoir or pig farm! 18] seeing vermin traps on the property unless they are to catch a nuisance mammal-type critter! things that do NOT detract: 1] in need of paint - no fumes there [post-1970s home though, so we don't worry about lead] 2] hardwood floors need some sanding/staining 3] no garage &/or gravel driveway 4] close to major thoroughfares is ok if there is a greenspace buffer, or it is at least 1km/0.6mi away! 5] removable storm windows and removable screen windows - some folks think it is a nuisance, but seriously, not so much! 6] anything I can sand, paint, scrape, crackfill, etc., not a problem, even bad wallpaper is no big deal! 7] if I can fix it w/ insulation, and simple draft-prevention techniques, I'm ok with it. and things that ATTRACT: 1] lots of screaming kids in the neighbourhood 2] clotheslines 3] basketball/hockey/etc nets in ppl's driveways 4] dandelions :) we LIKE dandelions 5] falling down wood fence, tree stumps, etc... I prefer UNmanicured areas! We currently live in a 46yo home, the one my hubby grew up in. We know the majority of the home's history of upgrades, defects, etc. We know it has not had to be fumigated for wriggly critters. We know there's no termites! We even knew which floorboards squeak! We know it doesn't flood, the basement is dry and does not leak, the attic is clean though dusty, and even if the fixtures were Harvest Gold, Avocado, or worse yet, Lilac, it wouldn't have mattered. :) Yeah, a couple places in the neighbourhood have HAD lilac fixtures in the loo! We knew what things needed doing when we moved in, and some of the things would have been deal-breakers had the price not been so sweet, or the solutions not so easy. There is something to be said when you can eat your dandelions, rhubarb, and raspberries w/o fear of chemical residue :)
  11. :iagree: many of us would have loved to have had that *spotty* education! and everything HRH has attempted in the world stage, she has excelled and come off as nothing less than highly articulate and knowledgeable about world events - and she has done so in more than one language. *spotty* indeed!
  12. instant grits are good for emergencies; fruit (not apples, they're too tricky to cut/de-seed before you awaken); crackers & spread (current faves are humus or soy butter, but others are good too); I've been known to thaw frozen veggies for emergency use... edamame is a popular veggie choice :) on the road, when I have a migraine and have to rebalance my electrolytes a cola of choice (real Coca Cola in Canada) and Hostess BBQ Corn Chips are my combo of choice. some folks will keep a couple of hard boiled eggs in the fridge for emergencies, cheese, frozen meals that are leftovers from something yummy last week, etc.
  13. Anne series = INCREDIBLE :) Emily series = INCREDIBLE but for a completely different reason Both are on my 'mental floss' list for 'must read at least once every 3-4yrs' and I have the boxed sets of them bought properly on PEI when I was a pre-teen, on one of those family trips :) Growing up in the Maritimes, this was our "Laura" book series, where things made sense that don't to those who aren't from a maritime tradition. At university (in the Maritimes), one of the popular "students not from here" trips would be to PEI & the associated LMMontgomery sites. It usually was on the list w/ Hopewell Rocks (highest tides in the world) and Magnetic Hill (illusion hill in Moncton, NB that messes w/ your mind even if you know the trick!). And, FWIW, these were NOT on the curriculum at school growing up as it was assumed the girls would read it and the boys would hit you if you even suggested they read them! Maritimer for life :) Grew up in Saint John, NB; university in Saint John, then Fredericton, NB, then grad school in Guelph, ON. Moved to Moncton, NB when done w/ grad school. Do.Not.Wish.To.Live.Elsewhere!
  14. Facebook has a group :) https://www.facebook.com/groups/158947230864513/
  15. I've had to do this for myself too, it isn't something we think of, especially in this day & age where they SHOULD be able to have better access, not worse! corn too? ugh! there are still OOOOOOODLES of things you can do to keep her diet varied & fun, but it does mean that some of the traditional gluten-free pre-made stuff won't be on your plate b/c a LOT of it has corn. you will likely have to determine if it is the protein or the sugar that is the corn problem - one makes the grain an issue, other makes high fructose corn syrup an issue. but that's a battle for another month, right now she's better than she's been in ages, and that is ALL that matters. :grouphug: you are her best advocate, and now will be her best security detail. YAY Mom! btw - glitches along the way are a part of the learning curve, so DO NOT get yer knickers twisted if something doesn't go right the first time. if she is - overall - getting better, then it is going right. if you have questions, The Hive is here for you :)
  16. I'm in these shoes. I am gluten-intolerant/allergic (NOT Celiac, OUTRIGHT allergy) and hubby is not, nor is he a fan of gf food (except pasta - I've got that down to a science). We do not have separate cutlery/utensils/pots/pans they just go through the dishwasher (after we manually remove the visible traces). Cutting board - I have my own. We only have the one knife block, so I wash the knife BEFORE I use it. I have my own toaster oven, and everything done in that one is GF. Microwave is shared, and wiped down. Counter is the same. Have friends coming to visit that have allergies that we can eat, and their requirements are the same. Well-washed, we're getting a separate cutting board for them, and a good serrated knife (since that is the hardest one to clean). We're cleaning my toaster oven (vinegar/water wipe down inside, crumb tray cleaned and dish-washer both). And that was her entire list of things to do to make food preparation area safe. We are already careful about trace contamination of other things in food storage (and when in doubt, we throw it out or hubby eats it). Cousin's daughter just went through this, and she was scoped, and they didn't do the biopsy because the gastro could SEE the damage and said it wasn't worth the extra effort/testing since it was conclusive. cutting boards - get a separate tempered glass one for her spatulas - if porous, she doesn't have them used in prep of her food. Get a good set of silicon ones, we love them measuring cups - we only use pyrex, not an issue measuring spoons - again, metal, takes the issue away immediately. OTHER utensils - get rid of wood or buy ALL new and only use for her (or make a designation that is very obvious), same w/ anything plastic/with grooves/pits/etc storage containers - esp those that go in the microwave = glass. just like pasta sauce makes them stained, gluten stays in too... it is a *trace* but sometimes that can be enough to set things off... plus, glass is WAY safer... BIG WARNING: pots/pans - if they're stainless steel = 2x through the d/w on pots/pans setting then dedicate if they are teflon and there is even a TINY groove/dent/flake = TOSS IT. You can't get it clean enough to be safe for her (don't even ask how I found that one out) cast iron - clean it, go past that lovely seasoning, and get back to base iron again. re-season it safely, and it only does gf unless you wish to do it again. BBQ - if your family does the buns on the grill too, that baby gets a scrub down as if it were carrying the plague. Usually 2-3 good scrubbings w/ a non-abrasive sponge type affair w/ a toothbrush for nooks/crannies/corners is enough. If it is going to be shared b/w gluten containing and gluten-free, it is going to be dicey b/c heated gluten deposits on everything in the vicinity and contaminates EVERYTHING done in the same vessel. I can't do shared BBQ. Even the briquettes have to be replaced. If it is fuel-burning, the entire insides get a 'going over'. Pauline supposedly gluten-free since 1990, in reality 2003 w/ a few accidents also a person w/ anaphylaxis w/ nuts and that's a 'no traces' can exist type of allergy :(
  17. That hubby of yours was wise before his time! :) :) prayers & :grouphug:
  18. Yeah. I was blamed for WWII (was over 21yrs before I was born), my sister dying (happened 15yrs before I was born), etc. Impish, and others dealing with this: I feel your pain, I understand your pain, and I wish none of us *got it*. Hubby & I joke, I got in-laws, he got out-laws. I LIKE my MIL. He wasn't so fond of his :(
  19. I'm not proud, I will honestly say that I did express those sentiments, more than once. I also said "good riddance". Not a Christian attitude, but my pastor said it likely helped my healing. My therapist had me repeat it "Ding Dong, the witch is dead" about a dozen times. He said it was to release the spiritual hooks she had into me and my life. He (and a couple other therapists together) then literally had me write up everything horrid I remembered, and bound ALL of them away from me, and burnt the list. My pastor just hugged the stuffing out of me when I told him that. "Doesn't the freedom feel awesome? Rejoice!" Sometimes I look back for a microsecond, and question if it was that bad. Then I remember my lack of self-esteem, self-worth, etc., that I lived with. Yeah, it was. Imp, hon, do *WHATEVER* you need to do to keep safe. Keep her venom from the children by whatever means necessary. And hold on tight to that awesome hubby you have. You know the truth, you know what she has done, and you know what you have overcome. Stand strong in that truth and in your DAILY victory to not be her whipping girl. You are loved, and you have a LOT of us in prayer for you and over you & your family. Draw on that. I count it a privilege to pray for you. :grouphug:
  20. I could have written this. And like you, Unscripted, my friends really didn't get it until one stayed over for a few days b/c of complex issues making it impossible for us to study at her home. Once the exams were over, my friend commented "Wow, your mom is a nasty piece of work. I'd call her a wing-nut, but that would insult wing-nuts!" Too many of us understand this. :grouphug:
  21. We tried that. After her hitting every abuse button she'd programmed in me, repeatedly, to the point of driving me to near-suicide, my therapist & pastor both told me she was poison to me, and her drama queen/martyr complex issues were a backseat to my continued life. It had come to a point where the years of abuse while living under her roof had added abuse as an adult (head shots that left me concussed), and the emotional toll had be just about past the breaking point. My husband honestly feared for my life. There are no easy or even reasonable solutions to a situation of this level. The solution for me was when she finally died. Yeah, I had the sadness that my mother had died, and I no longer had a living parent. But, I also had the relief that her torture of me was over. And that is never something a child should ever feel.
  22. A PP mentioned that unless you've dealt with this kind of person in your life, you honestly have no idea the level of torture they can wreak upon your family, emotional & physical well-being, spiritual well-being, etc. Boy is that true. My mother was psychotic and likely paranoid/delusional schizophrenic in addition. She was also one of those persons who delighted in telling others how much she was suffering, and she had no problem hauling out private stuff saying "oh I'm so blessed that my child hates me" or "I'm so blessed that one of my children died", and my favourite (said to someone IN the room w/ me when I'd just been taken off life-support as I was improving) "I'm so blessed Pauline is going to die. everyone will pity me. I have already planned the funeral." If I'd not just been taken off life support and been as weak as a newborn kitten, I'm not sure I wouldn't have killed her for that! As it was, I wrote a note in cap letters for her to leave the room and NEVER return. That describes much of my life. Until I had an explosion at my 3 sisters when we were all at the table (w/ Mom & Dad out of the house), none of us realized what had been happening for longer than I had been alive. The intensity and depravity of the lies was astounding. We spent easily a couple dozen hours over the next few weeks trying to unravel the lies that had pit us against each other. We salvaged our relationship (well, 2 of the 3 plus myself), and we mourned that which we had lost, and had to just leave the past there, in the past. I confronted her 2 yrs later, after I'd been away (17hr drive) for a year. I did it in front of the 3rd sister. The lies that continued to come out of her mouth astounded me. My sister stood there w/ her mouth hanging open, but she still defended her. Yup. One of my ex-BF was at our wedding, as a bouncer. He was in the wedding party so he had unfettered access to her, and had clear rules that if she got out of line, she was to be escorted from the church by whatever means necessary. Mom even had the gall to mention to him that she should have just knocked my then-hubby over, and had the ex-BF take his place! After I took a couple of head shots from her (literally) I made sure to never be in the same room w/ her w/o a 'protector'. I was told at that point to make boundaries and let her know them, and just walk away. It was both the hardest thing ever (only made easier by the fact my father was no longer at home, and was in an assisted care facility and doing a 1,000,000 times better as a result), and the best thing ever. She changed her ph# then berated me & hubby for not calling. After that call, which occurred around the time I was told to cease all contact w/ her, hubby answered the phone. I was given a "vamoose" gesture, and he'd be able to honestly say I was not around at the moment and he would give me the message. Mom did call my other two sisters to try and get them to 'speak to me and get me to call her, she missed me' but they both told her that was not going to happen. And my eldest sister actually told her that she was NOT going to inform me that I was being sought after. The one time that I *know* she visited my father where he was staying, she was deliberately cruel to him in front of the entire family (shortly before he died). She had nothing to do w/ the planning of everything when he did, and boy did she make us pay for THAT. When my sister (that 3rd one) got ill, I got a voicemail "your sister has cancer, she is going to die. call me". Yeah, same voice mail my other two sisters got. When my sister died 4.5 mo later, I got that voicemail "your sister is dead". This time mom had all the planning at her behest, and I've never been to a more hideous, ostentatious affair in my life. And listening to her talk to people at the visitations was horrific. To her point of view, she was next in line to Mary, the mother of Jesus, for sainthood and we were horrid children, and her husband had been horrid, and the only one of her children who EVER loved her was now dead. The only reason myself (and my other two sisters) got any notification of mom being ill, and eventually dying, was because we had all left notes w/ the nurses to call us. My nephew (who was taking care of her) didn't counter-act those. He said it was the only way it could work as she was asking him NOT to tell us anything. As horrid as it sounds, the news that she was dead took a burden from me that I can not describe. My therapist & my pastor both said that it was the start of a new life for me. My complaint was that she had to wait until 4.5yrs after my father died, meaning I never got time w/o her around/over our heads. So, I **SO** get what you are enduring. We had already been talking w/ a lawyer before she got sick, regarding means by which we could limit her having contact with us. Unfortunately, as he was so kind to point out, restraining orders in Canada carry almost as much weight as the physical paper upon which they are written. He suggested a document being sent to her priest and the diocese office 'suggesting' she cut off contact from us. I don't know if there's an option there like that for you? It need not be a legal document, from what our lawyer told us - just a note from a pastor regarding the fact that she is "making your life path unlivable" and that "any contact should cease" and "tell her WHATEVER you want to get her to stop contacting us". We had spoken w/ our pastor regarding this, and he agreed it was likely one of the things that could work. I would have already have had it done had there been children of mine in the picture at the time. Talk w/ a pastor, yours, someone else's, ANY. See what can be done on that end. As children of God we are to honour our parents, yes, but they are NOT to anger us to them. Both sides of that have to exist, and obviously she's not holding up her end of the bargain. Prayers and :grouphug: for you. btw - our pastor had said that if we'd lived a bit further away, faking leaving the country/continent/planet would have been considered reasonable. So, yeah, sometimes you really do have to take hideously drastic steps.
  23. :iagree: I can not agree more w/ this one either! wow... yeah.... I *still* look over my shoulder constantly because of what has happened to me, I still have nightmares, etc. Even my therapist has stated that I'll likely have them for the rest of my life. At least I'm not getting flashbacks anymore. It makes me physically ill when I Google the individuals who have harmed me, and find out they are living unscathed lives b/c I did not have the strength or support to report them. I certainly was not in any mental state to have dealt w/ the fallout at the time had I gone forward and reported. I was suicidal after the incidents, and going through what I knew the legal system would do to me would have just amplified the risk.
  24. :iagree: I can not express just how MUCH I agree w/ this. We don't have an emoticon for that!
  25. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: The perpetrator would likely also have the double indignity of having vomit on him/her too. I'm quite certain that even were I not to kill the perp, the beating I would lay down on them wouldn't be an easily recoverable one. I learned some rather NASTY self-defence tactics in the wake of having been r*aped myself. I would have no problem doing what needed doing, but that doesn't mean I won't lose my lunch in the process. BTW - I have reported folks for 'strongly suspect' reasons, and in both cases, yes, there was diddling taking place. I'd rather have been wrong. Ya know?
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