Fake flickering candles and a sense of loss...

[Julie in CA]

Do you like the fake flickering candles? I'm okay with them in a setting where they're not in a conspicuous place, but really strongly dislike them as a focal point. Am I the only one? :confused:

 

I'm catering a party this weekend, and the coordinator told me that only fake candles should be used with the buffet table decor, due to the possible issues of having "open flame". I really wanted to remind her that she'll have 8 open flames on the table already due to the Sterno resting under each and every chafing dish. :glare: I held back.

 

In a philosophical sense, it makes me kind of sad that so much in our world is fake these days. Fake candles, Easy-Bake ovens for kids, powdered fake cheese with our macaroni (I know, I know, there's technically *some* real cheese in there...), electric "fireplaces", microwave s'mores, and on and on. Am I the only one who feels like we're losing some really valuable and lovely experiences? :sad: I know, it's only fake, flickering candles, but I'm under a bit of stress right now, and *way* over-emotional. Somehow it feels like such a loss (and a bit tacky, I admit) to celebrate someone's 80th birthday with silk flowers & fake flickering candles. :001_huh:

 

Okay, I think I'd better clarify: This really is a JAWM post. Just agree with me. Nod at the crazy lady, then hustle on by. :tongue_smilie:

[Spy Car]

You are so right! :D

 

Bill

[Twigs]

Not just agreeing with you, but whole.hearted.agreeing with you.

I don't even like places like rainforest cafe because it's such a fake atmoshpere.

[Bang!Zoom!]

I agree with you.

 

It's like those gas station roses. I don't ever want to be given a gas station rose in a tube.

 

At 80 years old, you deserve flames and birds of paradise flown in by the Concord.

 

That is something to celebrate "for reals". ;)

[mrsrevmeg]

I agree with you.

 

It's like those gas station roses. I don't ever want to be given a gas station rose in a tube.

 

At 80 years old, you deserve flames and birds of paradise flown in by the Concord.

 

That is something to celebrate "for reals". ;)

 

:iagree:

[unsinkable]

Do you like the fake flickering candles? I'm okay with them in a setting where they're not in a conspicuous place, but really strongly dislike them as a focal point. Am I the only one? :confused:

 

I'm catering a party this weekend, and the coordinator told me that only fake candles should be used with the buffet table decor, due to the possible issues of having "open flame". I really wanted to remind her that she'll have 8 open flames on the table already due to the Sterno resting under each and every chafing dish. :glare: I held back.

 

In a philosophical sense, it makes me kind of sad that so much in our world is fake these days. Fake candles, Easy-Bake ovens for kids, powdered fake cheese with our macaroni (I know, I know, there's technically *some* real cheese in there...), electric "fireplaces", microwave s'mores, and on and on. Am I the only one who feels like we're losing some really valuable and lovely experiences? :sad: I know, it's only fake, flickering candles, but I'm under a bit of stress right now, and *way* over-emotional. Somehow it feels like such a loss (and a bit tacky, I admit) to celebrate someone's 80th birthday with silk flowers & fake flickering candles. :001_huh:

 

Okay, I think I'd better clarify: This really is a JAWM post. Just agree with me. Nod at the crazy lady, then hustle on by. :tongue_smilie:

 

Firstly and secondly, I love you and I agree with you.

 

Thirdly, the sterno line had me rolling. :lol:

[unsinkable]

I agree with you.

 

It's like those gas station roses. I don't ever want to be given a gas station rose in a tube.

 

At 80 years old, you deserve flames and birds of paradise flown in by the Concord.

 

That is something to celebrate "for reals". ;)

 

Ah, there's place for gas station roses.

 

For the young, implusive, giddy, driving around listening to music but running out of gas, can't wait to kiss you crowd.

[Unicorn.]

:grouphug::iagree::grouphug:

[BigMamaBird]

Nodding at the crazy lady! But I agree with you completely.

[twoxcell]

I think they are tacky, but I do like them for pumpkins. My kids like carrying them around and playing with them too.

[dirty ethel rackham]

I'm not a fan of fake candles, but the fake flickering drives me bonkers. If you want mood lighting, there are other, more interesting options. On that same note, I hate the McMansions that have the fake flickering sconce lights out front. They are very fake looking but at the same time bragging that they can afford this "upscale" lighting. (Yes, that is a note of bitterness against these people who tear down perfectly good houses, houses bigger than the one I grew up in with my 5 siblings, to put up these mansions with only a strip of grass and then want to change the rules of the neighborhood because we just aren't classy enough for them.)

[melissel]

Well, I do think real candles could be a safety hazard depending on the crowd. At a buffet table, there's a lot of reaching and stretching and sleeves swaying. Maybe the hostess has had a bad experience? That said, I'd never, ever use fake candles as a focal piece like that. I'd go without entirely before I used them. And I agree with you about the general fakeness of just about everything these days. It's been bothering me more and more lately too--I think because the kids are old enough to be drawn into the oh-so-hyped "faux experiences" now.

[laundrycrisis]

The fake candles were good for the Jack-o-lanterns this year..no nasty burned pumpkin smell. But for my own enjoyment, when it is safe, I light a real candle. The fake ones don't have the right energy.

[Teachin'Mine]

:iagree::leaving:

 

 

How's that for following directions? :lol: BTW I totally agree. :001_smile:

[Julie in CA]

If you want mood lighting, there are other, more interesting options.

I also offered the alternative: tall buffet lamps that I usually use for nighttime parties. She wasn't on board with that idea either, because of cords. I explained that I hide the cords under swathed table linens, and that I use approved cords for the conditions, but no...{sigh}. Flickering fake candles, it will be.

[Julie in CA]

Firstly and secondly, I love you and I agree with you.

 

Thirdly, the sterno line had me rolling. :lol:

Thank you, so very much. :001_smile:

 

It seemed completely illogical to me that we can have eight flaming cans of fuel on the table, basically at child height, but we can't have a couple of really tall tapers in the center of the table, out of reach. :001_huh:

[Murphy101]

I completely agree.

 

I especially dislike them at prayer locations.

 

Telling someone you'll light a candle for them just isn't the same when all you do is flick a switch. :(

[melissel]

I completely agree.

 

I especially dislike them at prayer locations.

 

Telling someone you'll light a candle for them just isn't the same when all you do is flick a switch. :(

 

:001_huh: Do churches do this now?! That just does not have the same presence at all :(

[Hilltop]

I agree with you!

[Rivka]

I completely agree.

 

I especially dislike them at prayer locations.

 

Telling someone you'll light a candle for them just isn't the same when all you do is flick a switch. :(

 

Heh. No.

 

Although I do like that in my two-year-old son's Religious Education class, each child gets a turn to "light the chalice" by flicking the switch on a battery-operated fake candle. It's a highlight of his week.

 

Candles for prayers in the sanctuary are made of wax and actually burn, though.

[Trish]

On the other hand, accidentally burning your house down would inspire a *real* sense of loss.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that they are fine hidden away in a pumpkin or in those paper bags with sand in them on walkways that people walk over, but other than that, Bleh.

 

There are some things that are natural and vary but are always the same though always changing. These have peculiar qualities that are kind of calming and mesmerizing, and I think that the love for this is hardwired into people, if they just listen for it. The sound of waves on a beach, flames flickering in a campfire or candle or fireplace, the sound of a creek rushing over stones--these should not be tampered with.

Edited November 8, 2011 by Carol in Cal.

[Julie in CA]

On the other hand, accidentally burning your house down would inspire a *real* sense of loss.

Yes, but...there are already *EIGHT* open flames on the table! :001_huh:

Where's the logic here? :confused:

[melissel]

Yes, but...there are already *EIGHT* open flames on the table! :001_huh:

Where's the logic here? :confused:

 

IMO, Sterno cans in wire racks under big trays of food are less dangerous than tall, tippy taper candles that, if knocked, can hit a tablecloth or curtain or fabric/floral centerpiece or napkin or... Maybe she just doesn't feel the need to take the chance for an ambience she doesn't really care much about anyway. Maybe she has had a bad experience with an accidental fire somewhere in her life and it left its mark. Maybe one of the guests has. Maybe the guest of honor has. Who knows?

 

I don't disagree with you that they're icky and fake, I really don't. I just don't think that real candles are necessary at all, and fire is a real hazard and can inspire real fears.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

Well, I was going to agree with you even before you said JAWM.

 

I feel like everything is so contrived these days: kits for a kid to make snowmen (fake plastic hat, fake plastic carrot, etc.), fake candles, etc.

 

However, I overthink the use of candles WAY TOO MUCH. I love to have candles going all over my house. I hosted a Halloween (Not JesusWeen!) party last month and lit candles on the top of our bookshelves and mantle b/c I didn't want the little kids to accidentally run into a flame, trip, etc. I love the look of candles in the windows at the holidays, but....what about curtains?! I will have to go with the fake option if I really want to do that. I have never understood how people put candles into paper bags with sand in the bottom and not have an inferno. :confused: But, clearly I am overthinking this again, because people do just that.

[bookfiend]

I also offered the alternative: tall buffet lamps that I usually use for nighttime parties. She wasn't on board with that idea either, because of cords. I explained that I hide the cords under swathed table linens, and that I use approved cords for the conditions, but no...{sigh}. Flickering fake candles, it will be.

 

Hey, at least you know the food will be good!

[Susann]

I totally agree and fight the battle in my own way. My family has never had instant oatmeal, instant pudding, cookies from tube!

Stay strong, Crazy Lady-United in the Fight against Fake (UFF):gnorsi:

[melissel]

Well, I was going to agree with you even before you said JAWM.

 

I feel like everything is so contrived these days: kits for a kid to make snowmen (fake plastic hat, fake plastic carrot, etc.), fake candles, etc.

 

However, I overthink the use of candles WAY TOO MUCH. I love to have candles going all over my house. I hosted a Halloween (Not JesusWeen!) party last month and lit candles on the top of our bookshelves and mantle b/c I didn't want the little kids to accidentally run into a flame, trip, etc. I love the look of candles in the windows at the holidays, but....what about curtains?! I will have to go with the fake option if I really want to do that. I have never understood how people put candles into paper bags with sand in the bottom and not have an inferno. :confused: But, clearly I am overthinking this again, because people do just that.

 

I'm like you; I feel the same way. I LOVE candles, but rarely use them anymore because of DD6--if there's a hazard to be encountered or mess to be made, that child will track it down like a bloodhound :glare:

 

I do love the paper bag luminaries though. The sand makes the fire gutter out if the bag catches. We used to do them when I was a kid :D

[Julie in CA]

IMO, Sterno cans in wire racks under big trays of food are less dangerous than tall, tippy taper candles that, if knocked, can hit a tablecloth or curtain or fabric/floral centerpiece or napkin or...

I suppose it would depend upon the conditions. In this case, eight flaming Sternos right at child height and within reach doesn't seem less dangerous than two taper candles in the center of a large square table shielded from reach by other items. -We can disagree though, and I'm more okay with disagreeing about the relative danger of Sterno vs. candles than with those awful FAKE candles! I'd rather have none at all than the fake.

 

And when did we become so irresponsible that as normal adults, with a caterer on hand supervising the buffet, we can't enjoy a little candlelight? Do we really need to be saved from ourselves to such an extent that we have to have fake everything? {sorry, just still venting}

Edited November 8, 2011 by Julie in CA

[GingerPoppy]

I totally agree and fight the battle in my own way. My family has never had instant oatmeal, instant pudding, cookies from tube!

Stay strong, Crazy Lady-United in the Fight against Fake (UFF):gnorsi:

I fight fake in the same way, so I hereby give my application to join the UFF with you!

[jasar31629]

I agree for myself- I wouldn't bother with candles if they were fake. I haven't read the responses yet, but I will say that when my Grandmother was on oxygen for a time we couldn't have any open flames near her at all. Perhaps since it's for an older person and there will most likely be older attendees this is the reason?

[melissel]

I'd rather have none at all than the fake.

 

Well, I am definitely with you on this! :D

 

And when did we become so irresponsible that as normal adults, with a caterer on hand supervising the buffet, we can't enjoy a little candlelight? Do we really need to be saved from ourselves to such an extent that we have to have fake everything? {sorry, just still venting}

 

Well, that's your hostess's choice to make, isn't it? Personally, if I had some kind of fear or concern about the safety of my guests and my house, I wouldn't be trusting ANYONE else to monitor it for me, caterer or no. And since I probably want to enjoy my own party and acknowledge that my own attention will be elsewhere, I would opt to avoid the whole issue altogether. Clearly, she feels the Sterno is less of a hazard for some reason, or are a necessity where a decorative touch is not, so that's not beyond her comfort level.

 

There are lots of possible scenarios as to why she might not want the candles. I really don't think irresponsibility is any part of it. Comfort level, past experience, yes. If anything, I'd say she's being hyper-responsible for her own concerns and isn't leaving it up to someone else to manage her fears/issues for her.

 

Honestly, I think you're being overly sensitive about this. Could something else be going here that's bigger than just this one issue? Is something else bumping around at the back of your subconscious that you haven't realized yet is ticking you off? Sometimes when I find myself up in arms over something, if I think about it more, I realize it's just the straw that broke the camel's back and there's really other stuff I want to address. I mean, I know the overall fauxness of the world today is frustrating, but this is just one person's choice at her own party, where she gets to call the shots. Don't let it get you too riled up :grouphug:

[Julie in CA]

Well, that's your hostess's choice to make, isn't it? Personally, if I had some kind of fear or concern about the safety of my guests and my house, I wouldn't be trusting ANYONE else to monitor it for me, caterer or no.

 

I mean, I know the overall fauxness of the world today is frustrating, but this is just one person's choice at her own party, where she gets to call the shots.

Actually, no, it's not the hostess. It's the "coordinator".

 

It's my dh's family reunion. I am a caterer, so I'm doing that part. The party is being held at a venue where I have worked before, and there is no restriction on candle use. The coordinator is insistent about the fake candles.

 

I could certainly overrule, but my problem, as mentioned in my original post, isn't so much about candles or no candles, it's with fake vs. real, and an overall trend that may result in my dc never really knowing & appreciating some joys that past generations took for granted. The experience of a gathering of beloved family, with the unique glow of candlelight, uttering a prayer before a meal to celebrate the day of their Oma's birth, for example. Are we so incredibly in danger from the candles that we're willing to install the fake instead? I think in our pursuit of convenience & a false sense of safety, we're foregoing many joys.

 

Mac & cheese made with real cheese & maybe even {gasp} whole milk or cream? There's a world of kids out there that will never ever in their life even know such a thing exists, because of the "convenience" of the blue box, & the "dangers" of saturated fat. I'm not saying that we should eat it every day, just that as a whole, we're choosing a deceptive feeling of safety and easy convenience over some really great joys. Choosing fake rather than real and telling each other it's better & necessary.

 

Just not lovin' the overtake of fake! ;)

[justamouse]

I totally agree with you.

[melissel]

Actually, no, it's not the hostess. It's the "coordinator".

 

It's my dh's family reunion. I am a caterer, so I'm doing that part. The party is being held at a venue where I have worked before, and there is no restriction on candle use. The coordinator is insistent about the fake candles.

 

I could certainly overrule, but my problem, as mentioned in my original post, isn't so much about candles or no candles, it's with fake vs. real, and an overall trend that may result in my dc never really knowing & appreciating some joys that past generations took for granted. The experience of a gathering of beloved family, with the unique glow of candlelight, uttering a prayer before a meal to celebrate the day of their Oma's birth, for example. Are we so incredibly in danger from the candles that we're willing to install the fake instead? I think in our pursuit of convenience & a false sense of safety, we're foregoing many joys.

 

Mac & cheese made with real cheese & maybe even {gasp} whole milk or cream? There's a world of kids out there that will never ever in their life even know such a thing exists, because of the "convenience" of the blue box, & the "dangers" of saturated fat. I'm not saying that we should eat it every day, just that as a whole, we're choosing a deceptive feeling of safety and easy convenience over some really great joys. Choosing fake rather than real and telling each other it's better & necessary.

 

Just not lovin' the overtake of fake! ;)

 

Aha, this make everything MUCH clearer. Now I can see why you're annoyed, and yes, in that scenario I'd be irritated for sure! And yes, I do agree with your last paragraph wholeheartedly.

[Liz CA]

Yes, exactly. What has changed from one generation to another that we are now considered such imbeciles that we cannot handle a real candle and real flowers????

[Lady Florida.]

Do you like the fake flickering candles? I'm okay with them in a setting where they're not in a conspicuous place, but really strongly dislike them as a focal point. Am I the only one? :confused:

 

 

 

Okay, I think I'd better clarify: This really is a JAWM post. Just agree with me. Nod at the crazy lady, then hustle on by. :tongue_smilie:

 

I think I'm agreeing with you while adding a "but". I dislike the name more than the concept. It's not a flameless candle. It's a flickering light. If they called it that it probably wouldn't bother me. Then you could choose either a candle or a flickering light. There's no such thing (IMO) as a flameless candle.

[Guest submarines]

Not just agreeing with you, but whole.hearted.agreeing with you.

I don't even like places like rainforest cafe because it's such a fake atmoshpere.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

I'm so sick and tired from everything being fake.

[LaxMom]

Ah, there's place for gas station roses.

 

For the young, implusive, giddy, driving around listening to music but running out of gas, can't wait to kiss you crowd.

 

And the older gentleman who was in line ahead of me in a 7-11 in the early 90s, who plucked one out of the bucket, paid for his purchases, turned and handed me the rose, bid me good day and left. Gas station roses are great for random gestures of day brightening by perfect strangers.

 

Otherwise, I wholeheartedly agree. I want real. Period

[Abigail4476]

Fake candles and fake flowers are equally disappointing. I want warm, flickering flames with dripping wax that I can dip a finger into. Then I can admire the fingerprint on the other side when it hardens and peels off. :D

 

As for fresh flowers--I'm a fanatic. I want touchable fresh flowers that actually smell like something other than dust. :glare: I buy fresh flowers once every week or two, break them up into smaller arrangements and put them all over the house. When my gardens are blooming, I cut roses, lilies, glads, heavenly bamboo stems (with berries) and even purple hearts for little arrangements. I've also been know to cut overgrown coriander or lemon balm and put it in a pitcher in the kitchen.

 

I did give my ds9 a fake candle for his room because he isn't old enough to have a real one in there yet. That's been my only concession. :tongue_smilie:

[In The Great White North]

Actually, no, it's not the hostess. It's the "coordinator".

 

It's my dh's family reunion. I am a caterer, so I'm doing that part. The party is being held at a venue where I have worked before, and there is no restriction on candle use. The coordinator is insistent about the fake candles.

 

What's a "coordinator?"

 

FTR, I prefer candles, real candles, made of beeswax, with real flames.

 

If I couldn't have real candles (see oxygen issue above, which apparently doesn't apply here with the Sterno), I would go with Christmas lights wrapped in greenery.

[melissel]

And the older gentleman who was in line ahead of me in a 7-11 in the early 90s, who plucked one out of the bucket, paid for his purchases, turned and handed me the rose, bid me good day and left. Gas station roses are great for random gestures of day brightening by perfect strangers.

 

:svengo::001_wub: How sweet is that?!

[kewb]

I am not a fan of the fake flickering candle. I prefer the real deal.

 

It has it's place. I can see for some people who may have problems with their hands to light a match or use a lighter that flicking a switch is easier. I can also see that if you have young children or crowd coming over that you would be trying for safety first.

 

As for the gas station rose, my dh used to buy me gas station roses all the time when we were dating. They were affordable and he wanted to do something nice for me.

[regentrude]

You would like my MIL. She still puts real lit candles on her xmas tree. :D

:iagree:

My family back home does too.

We can't because every single tree here is cut during growth to achieve a dense cone shape, where naturally there would be spaces between branches. I was very disappointed that I am unable to have real candles on my Christmas tree.

 

I want real candles.

[NavyWifeandMommy]

Ah, there's place for gas station roses.

 

For the young, implusive, giddy, driving around listening to music but running out of gas, can't wait to kiss you crowd.

 

 

My husband gave me a gas station rose. It was our first date that he was late to due to stupid guy stuff (fixin cars with the guys)

[justamouse]

:iagree:

My family back home does too.

We can't because every single tree here is cut during growth to achieve a dense cone shape, where naturally there would be spaces between branches. I was very disappointed that I am unable to have real candles on my Christmas tree.

 

I want real candles.

 

You and me both, on the trees. the only way to get a tree like that is to roam around the woods and chop one down.

 

I'm not a fan of the perfect cone trees. I like spaces between my branches.

[In The Great White North]

Quote:

Originally Posted by WendyK

You would like my MIL. She still puts real lit candles on her xmas tree. :D

 

:iagree:

My family back home does too.

We can't because every single tree here is cut during growth to achieve a dense cone shape, where naturally there would be spaces between branches. I was very disappointed that I am unable to have real candles on my Christmas tree.

 

We do. There are still "cut your own" places around here. :001_smile:

 

They trim the trees into the cones shape. The even more important discriminator is the variety of tree you get - Scotch pine isn't strong enough to hold up candles.

[Harriet Vane]

I agree with you on this one, big time. I can't stand fake stuff. It just looks . . . fake.

[gardenmom5]

I like the flickering fakes. they do feel real, and they aren't a fire hazard. some even have a light fragrance.

 

I used to enjoy candles at christmas time, but they would make my mother cough (her lungs were damaged) and so candles went the way of the dodo in my house.

[Danestress]

I'm with you on the fake flickering candles. I've never seen anyone use them in a home, but every time I see them at Cost Co, it makes me cringe.

 

If I were having a buffet and wanted to use candles but was worried about sleeves, I would use hurricane lanterns. They are not expensive, look beautiful, cast a different light, and are some protection.

 

The ones I use most look like these, but I use them with regular silver candlesticks and traditional candles, and it looks pretty. http://www.potterybarn.com/products/hourglass-hurricane-sleeve/?pkey=e%7Churricane%2Blantern%7C36%7Cbest%7C0%7C1%7C24%7C%7C20&cm_src=PRODUCTSEARCH||NoFacet-_-NoFacet-_-NoMerchRules-_-

Edited November 8, 2011 by Danestress