ChristusG Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 We've never had anyone bring us meals before. Now, our Sunday School class at church passed around a sign up sheet for several different people to bring us meals after I have the baby. Honestly, DH and I are both really quiet, so we don't know these people very well at all. When they bring us meals, are we supposed to invite them in? We will have just had a baby, I may not feel the greatest, and it's quite possible that our house will be a wreck and our kids will be running around half dressed. :tongue_smilie: Then again, I don't want to seem ungrateful....I'm really thankful that they are helping us in this way. What is the norm for this type of thing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubamama Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 That's wonderful that your church is helping you guys out! Our church brought us meals after babies too....and guess what? There WERE wild half dressed toddlers running around and the house was a wreck and I wasn't showered and probably had spitup as an acessory. But, it wasn't a Parenting Magazine photo shoot, it was real life. I was thrilled to get Baked Casserole a la Something and if the baby was awake I'd show baby to whoever was at the door and then say thanks and go back in. Really. It was fine. Enjoy your newest family member and the love of your church friends! Michele Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AnnaM Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When our SS class did it, I would deliver it to the door, ask if they would like to help with it, and go from there :) If they want my help, I go in, fix it, pop in the oven, or whatever and oooh and ahhh for a few minutes and then quickly excuse myself so that mama doesnt have to worry about entertaining me. I do try to get a feel to make sure that when I am invited in that they really want me there and dont just feel obligated. I think you need to be upfront though. Tell everyone that you really appriciate the meals and are greatful but that you probably won't be inviting many people in for a visit right after the babe is born and not to be offended. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KS_ Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't know what's the norm, but I made dh get the door if he was here. Some people just seemed like they wanted to drop off the meal and go, and others chatted a few minutes (but dh is chatty by nature). I don't think anyone really came in and visited for any length of time, but I also didn't feel like I needed to invite them in for a longer visit, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
susancollins Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When people brought me meals after having a baby. I invited them in and they look at or held the baby. We talked for about 30 mins max and then they left. Most people will understand that you are not up to having company and will just drop off the meal and go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I don't know what's the norm, but I made dh get the door if he was here. Some people just seemed like they wanted to drop off the meal and go, and others chatted a few minutes (but dh is chatty by nature). I don't think anyone really came in and visited for any length of time, but I also didn't feel like I needed to invite them in for a longer visit, either. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 The only thing worse than having people come in when you don't want them to is having no one want to come in when you want them to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I invited people in to see the baby for 10 minutes or so. But the place was a mess, the shades were drawn and I stayed in my bathrobe. It was a not so subtle hint that they were welcome for a short visit but we really weren't up for entertaining. On the other hand, I have taken meals to people to be met at the door by the husband, thanked kindly and sent (politely) on my way. It didn't get my nose out of joint because I understood the situation. Either way you decide should be fine. Anyone who takes the time to make you a meal out of kindness and deliver it probably has the tact to understands you aren't feeling too hot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 The only thing worse than having people come in when you don't want them to is having no one want to come in when you want them to. :iagree: You nailed it!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 You're not expected to entertain them. When I bring meals to new mammas, I bring it in to the kitchen, either stick it in the fridge or in the oven, peek at the baby, offer congrats, and leave. Depending on the situation, I might offer to help with anything they need immediately (a quick chore, whatever); the objective (afaic) is to help, not be a burden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TN Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 That's wonderful that your church is helping you guys out!Our church brought us meals after babies too....and guess what? There WERE wild half dressed toddlers running around and the house was a wreck and I wasn't showered and probably had spitup as an acessory. But, it wasn't a Parenting Magazine photo shoot, it was real life. I was thrilled to get Baked Casserole a la Something and if the baby was awake I'd show baby to whoever was at the door and then say thanks and go back in. Really. It was fine. Enjoy your newest family member and the love of your church friends! Michele Yep, what she said. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I'm way past the age of having babies but still bringing meals to families. I wish someone would come up with some standard guidelines for that. When I drop off a meal, am I supposed to want to stay and visit a bit? Many times I'm on my way somewhere or more likely, on my way home to eat my own dinner. And if I do come inside, how long is appropriate to stay? This goes for any meal I bring- whether it's because of a new baby, illness, etc. I need guidelines, people! I'm fine when it's people I know well, but what about those that I only know a little? I was the same way when dh had his heart attack and people brought food. One person I barely knew pushed her way inside, looked around, and asked if she could do my laundry. I know she meant well, but I don't want a stranger washing my family's underwear! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 We've never had anyone bring us meals before. Now, our Sunday School class at church passed around a sign up sheet for several different people to bring us meals after I have the baby. Honestly, DH and I are both really quiet, so we don't know these people very well at all. When they bring us meals, are we supposed to invite them in? We will have just had a baby, I may not feel the greatest, and it's quite possible that our house will be a wreck and our kids will be running around half dressed. :tongue_smilie: Then again, I don't want to seem ungrateful....I'm really thankful that they are helping us in this way. What is the norm for this type of thing? I have done this for people before, no there is no need to invite them in, unless they need to lug the food to your counter. (some stuff is easy to pass to the person at the door, other stuff I have lugged in if need be) No one expects a new mom to socialize, a thank you is sufficient. If you REALLY want to thank them later, ask for the recipe! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I'm way past the age of having babies but still bringing meals to families. I wish someone would come up with some standard guidelines for that. When I drop off a meal, am I supposed to want to stay and visit a bit? Many times I'm on my way somewhere or more likely, on my way home to eat my own dinner. And if I do come inside, how long is appropriate to stay? This goes for any meal I bring- whether it's because of a new baby, illness, etc. I need guidelines, people! I'm fine when it's people I know well, but what about those that I only know a little? I was the same way when dh had his heart attack and people brought food. One person I barely knew pushed her way inside, looked around, and asked if she could do my laundry. I know she meant well, but I don't want a stranger washing my family's underwear! If it's people you don't know well, no, I wouldn't stay. I only ever stay for a bit if it's a friend, and only if they seem to want that. And even then I wouldn't stay long. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dani3boys Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I had three people bring meals to me. Two of them left pretty quickly after seeing the babies, but there was one man that just wouldn't leave. My dh was home so he just stayed and chatted with us forever. It was making me crazy because I was so tired and hungry, but what do you say to someone who has just brought you dinner? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 You're not expected to entertain them. When I bring meals to new mammas, I bring it in to the kitchen, either stick it in the fridge or in the oven, peek at the baby, offer congrats, and leave. Depending on the situation, I might offer to help with anything they need immediately (a quick chore, whatever); the objective (afaic) is to help, not be a burden. I think this is perfect! This is what I do and what was always done for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 We've had some families do this in our neighborhood. There have been some very clear guidelines laid out for each family. Usually delivery within a timeframe (like 2:30 to 4) and there would be a cooler available by the back door or on a porch. It never included even seeing the family! A couple times someone would catch me dropping off, but often they went even home. I'd ask the organizer to set up some guidelines because your schedule is erratic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When I drop off meals I do not expect to be invited in and usually I don't have time to stay anyway. Just have your dh answer the door if you're not feeling up to a visit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Acorn Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When I have dropped off meals, I usually do a hand off of the meal at the door and say that I would love to come back and snuggle the newbie when the family is ready for company. Then I feel that the parents know that I would like to come and chat but that they need to call me for that purpose. And, I would bring baked goods or something on the second visit, but maybe not a whole meal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Belacqua Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I had three people bring meals to me. Two of them left pretty quickly after seeing the babies, but there was one man that just wouldn't leave. My dh was home so he just stayed and chatted with us forever. It was making me crazy because I was so tired and hungry, but what do you say to someone who has just brought you dinner? That you didn't shriek, "Get out, Get Out, OUT! Go AWAY!" speaks volumes about your admirable character and self-discipline. I recently read a blog post about the etiquette of this situation, and I agreed wholly with its main point: do not stay longer than 15 minutes. On the other hand, it suggested cleaning the new parents' bathroom, which is something that would horrify me if somebody did it in my house. Asking if the mom needs a chore done is lovely and can be so helpful, but just scrubbing somebody's toilet unbidden? Noooooo! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maus Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 We had a table near the door, and knew about when to expect the "food bringers." DH answered the door. Most of the time I was up, in the front room (where our only t.v. is). Some people, who didn't have their kids out in the car, stepped in to peek at the baby, spent about 5 minutes max., and left. Others just stuck the food in and mentioned any special instructions for reheating, if any. (Most the time, the food was piping hot and ready to eat.) Once or twice, the food bringer was a friend of the whole family and they spent a minute or two longer visiting with the older kids to ask what they thought of new baby, etc. The most thoughtful ones brought the food in disposable containers or in dollar store dishes they didn't want back, which I really appreciated. Most brought so much food that it was in the fridge for a week, and by then, it was hard to remember which container went back to whom. Labels are great, but don't always stay attached. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Yes, we invite them into our 3 ring circus, because they bring meals to see the baby :lol:. They don't care about the wild kids, the mess, or anything else, they just want to see the baby. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stratford Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When I drop meals off to someone, I never expect to be asked in. When people have dropped meals off to me, I usually try to invite them in to see the baby for a minute, no one has ever stayed more than 5 minutes. And yes, usually one of our kids is nearly nude. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scrapbookbuzz Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Be gracious but don't be a doormat. I was always very appreciative of the meals that were brought to us. However, I did not appreciate the one particular person who brought her two boys and stayed for five hours!!! Now, that is the exception; most people are much more considerate than that. If you don't want to invite them in, just say, "We're very thankful that you've thought about our needs as a family. We will be thinking of you as our family enjoys the meal. Thanks again." That should be enough of a hint for most people! :^) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 This was a new thing for me last year when I had my youngest. I stressed over it so much that I really over did it making sure our house was "presentable" before the people were going to be there. That was the first day. When I was so exhausted because of that and my bleeding got super heavy, I knew I had to cool it. I did make sure that I was dressed, but I didn't worry too much about my other children. DH was a great help. We invited everyone in, but no one stayed more than a few minutes. I've made meals for families too now that we've been at the church for a few years, and I've been invited in, but I make sure to stay about 5 min. or so and then head on my way. I usually have my children with me anyway, so I wouldn't be able to stay very long even if they or I wanted to! lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) Well, as Mormons, we've been doing this forever. In fact, it's automatic that you get 3 meals after a normal baby delivery and 5 if it's a C-section or there are other complications in your recovery. If you are bringing the meal, you call ahead and ask what time the family would like it, or suggest a time (would 5:30 be okay?). Then you show up at the appointed time with said meal (for us this means a main dish, side salad, rolls and dessert), drop it off (taking it into the kitchen or dining room, wherever the family prefers), offer congratulations, coo over the baby, and leave. Five minutes, you're done. If you are receiving the meal, be gracious. That's it. :D In my world, no one expects your house to be beautiful or thinks you'll even be dressed. PJs are the norm. Afterwards...send a thank you note with the casserole dishes that need to be returned. Oh, btw, that's your dh's job. He takes them, with the thank you note, to each family who brought you dinner. If you're Mormon, the dish owner's name is already etched into their 13x9 pan, because we've all done it for a homemaking night activity. :lol: If not, you have to hope they had the foresight to write it on a piece of masking tape stuck to the bottom of the pan. In case they didn't, make sure you take note of the dish on the night the meal is dropped off. And that's it. The rules. LOL I'm dropping off two meals tonight myself. Edited October 17, 2011 by DianeW88 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 When I drop off a meal, I always *hope* the recipient will be glad to see me -- or at least show some appreciation. I was very shocked once when a mom practically grabbed the food out of my hands and shut the door in my face. I had spent hours shopping and preparing the dinner for her, and I would have enjoyed a chance to say hello. It wouldn't have had to be more than five minutes. I left that house in tears. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie-txmama2six Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I am terrified now. I actually have to bring a meal tonight to a family I do not know very well. The baby was born very early and is still at the hospital. I was told to call ahead to make sure they will be home and what time works for them. I will be doing this in between bringing my son to hockey. I never know how long to visit either. Also, the first family I did this for it was their 8th child and so I knew how to cook for them, but this is a family of three and I am so scared to bring way too much food. Wish me luck!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 (edited) When I bring people meals, I generally bring in the food (in disposable containers so they don't have to worry about returning it to me), put it in the kitchen, ask to see the baby a minute, ooh and aahhh and then leave. I know people don't really want to sit and visit with me and are kind of embarrassed because things are a mess, so I don't stay longer than about five minutes. When we got the boys, one of the wonderful women who did this also brought a whole bag full of frozen homemade food - spaghetti sauce, casseroles, whatever. She had called ahead to make sure I had the freezer space. It was so awesome because not only did we have dinner that night, but we had some for the future, too. Edited October 17, 2011 by KrissiK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelissaMinNC Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I am terrified now. I actually have to bring a meal tonight to a family I do not know very well. The baby was born very early and is still at the hospital. I was told to call ahead to make sure they will be home and what time works for them. I will be doing this in between bringing my son to hockey. I never know how long to visit either. Also, the first family I did this for it was their 8th child and so I knew how to cook for them, but this is a family of three and I am so scared to bring way too much food. Wish me luck!!! Don't be terrified! They will appreciate your kindness. Too much food is okay - new parents, especially with babies still in NICU - are okay with leftovers; it's less work for them at a time when they don't have time or energy to deal with cooking. When you call to find out a good time, just tell them you don't intend to keep them long; when you get there, just give them the food, ask how the baby is doing and if there is anything else they need and then leave. No worries. I hope their baby is going to be okay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Penelope Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 The only thing worse than having people come in when you don't want them to is having no one want to come in when you want them to. True. Unless it's having some near-stranger male visitor stay for an hour talking and not taking hints while you're exhausted and need to nurse a new baby. I think that's worse. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 You're not expected to entertain them. When I bring meals to new mammas, I bring it in to the kitchen, either stick it in the fridge or in the oven, peek at the baby, offer congrats, and leave. Depending on the situation, I might offer to help with anything they need immediately (a quick chore, whatever); the objective (afaic) is to help, not be a burden. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennsmile Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Well, as Mormons, we've been doing this forever. In fact, it's automatic that you get 3 meals after a normal baby delivery and 5 if it's a C-section or there are other complications in your recovery. LOL! You do realize that those aren't hard and fast rules. My first like I said my ward provided 1 weeks worth. My second nada. My third a friend from the library brought one meal. I have lived near family near all of them and 1st and 2nd were in the same ward. ;) Last was in a branch and I am 30 minutes from most families. I don't plan on getting any meals this time. It is just not how my branch functions. I am not complaining my mom can come and help me and often does help with laundry and my older boys. And I am sure she brought a meal or two but I am hazy on that point. Jenn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bookfiend Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 Be certain to label any dishes left behind that day, and put them straight from the dishwasher into a box in your trunk. Then the next time you are at church they are all ready to hand back. Thank you notes can be left in the dish too. Also, if someone brings a big pot of something delicious, immediately transfer it to your own big kettle, rinse out theirs and hand it back. No dish to return! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted October 17, 2011 Share Posted October 17, 2011 I have both received and delivered meals. As other posters stated, you are not expected to entertain those who deliver. When I delivered I was in and out. Most of those who delivered meals to me did the same . . . only one stayed to chat for a few minutes and that was fine. If you can have your dh answer the door do that. Hope you enjoy some yummy meals! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AdventureMoms Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 (edited) I've delivered and received new-baby meals. When I deliver I do not expect to be invited in, and if I am, I don't stay long. I absolutely don't expect the house to look any kind of decent. When I received meals we had just brought twins home from the NICU and had a 2yo at home. Most people left kids in the car and didn't even come in. Anyone who came in and stayed more than about 5-10 minutes was put to work (entertaining the 2yo, loading the dishwasher, holding a baby, whatever was most needed!) No one seemed to have a problem with it anyhow! Oh and you can't bring too much food. One friend (with a large family of teenagers) dropped off a GIGANTIC casserole. It fed us for at least 6, maybe 8 meals. We were thrilled! That was like 3 or 4 days that we didn't have to worry about food in addition to caring for/nursing/pumping for two tiny infants. Edited October 18, 2011 by AdventureMoms typo Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I always try to buy those disposable, aluminium trays when I'm making a meal. They come in all shapes and sizes for all different types of meals. That way they don't have to worry about washing and returning. They just crumple them up and toss them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Usually they'd just bring the food into the kitchen, ooh and ah over the baby, and leave. It was nice. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I've been both giver and recipient (LDS :D) and in my experience, it's always a quick drop-off. Put the food in the kitchen, give any last minute instructions, comment on the cuteness of the baby, ask if they need anything else, and be on your way. I've had a few close friends bring meals and stay longer, but even then, they didn't stay long, maybe long enough to hold the baby for a few minutes. If I didn't feel up to seeing people, I would have zero qualms about hiding out in the bedroom with the baby while DH answered the door. And I ALWAYS use disposable. I've had to return dishes to people, and even if you manage, in your post-birth haze, to remember to grab the stuff on your way to church, it's a huge pain to try to manage that AND the baby AND the diaper bag AND the older kids, etc etc etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 The only thing worse than having people come in when you don't want them to is having no one want to come in when you want them to. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie-txmama2six Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 Don't be terrified! They will appreciate your kindness. Too much food is okay - new parents, especially with babies still in NICU - are okay with leftovers; it's less work for them at a time when they don't have time or energy to deal with cooking. When you call to find out a good time, just tell them you don't intend to keep them long; when you get there, just give them the food, ask how the baby is doing and if there is anything else they need and then leave. No worries. I hope their baby is going to be okay. Thank you. I did bring the meal and the family was so nice. I was super scared when I pulled up to a mini mansion in my old minivan, but I felt alot better when they were so kind about us bringing the meal. The new mom invited me (and all my girls) to her baby shower this Saturday which I thought was very nice. Anyways, I stopped in for about 10 minutes. They showed us pictures of the baby and told us what was going on with him. If you think about it and would like to pray for baby Matthew, I know they would be thankful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted October 18, 2011 Author Share Posted October 18, 2011 OP here....thanks everyone! I think I'll try to make sure that I'm at least dressed and I'll have DH answer the door. He can gauge their greeting on whether to ask them in or not. I'll just hope that DH and the kids can keep our house somewhere between decent and okay....but not tornado alley LOL. And I'll also be sure to label the dishes (if they are not disposable) just as soon as we finish the meal. Thanks for the tips! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jan in SC Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 I can't imagine a cooler at the door. Here, everyone wants you to come visit and see the baby and of course, the baby's room. I've taken meals to people that had snacks for me when I got there. It was usually a first child, though! I don't think I've ever delivered food when there weren't several other people, usually grandmothers, visiting or helping. I'm sure it varies by region. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 My mother's church is so big on this and do meals for people in all kinds of situations. They do just drop off. Not for a baby, but a long term illness, my mom got meals brought by church folks a couple of times for a long time. I thought I'd add though that my mom did a very simple thank you for people nearly a year after. One time they just had a porch ice cream social and invited everyone who had brought food to come hang out on the porch and eat ice cream as a thank you after church one day. I don't think it was expected or required at all, but the whole reciprocity and circle of giving thing was nice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted October 18, 2011 Share Posted October 18, 2011 LOL! You do realize that those aren't hard and fast rules. My first like I said my ward provided 1 weeks worth. My second nada. My third a friend from the library brought one meal. I have lived near family near all of them and 1st and 2nd were in the same ward. ;) Last was in a branch and I am 30 minutes from most families. I don't plan on getting any meals this time. It is just not how my branch functions. I am not complaining my mom can come and help me and often does help with laundry and my older boys. And I am sure she brought a meal or two but I am hazy on that point. Jenn LMHO....I should have been more clear....in a UTAH ward. :lol: :lol: :lol: But you know how we are. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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