I am getting really tired of this!!! (rant warning)

[LuvingLife]

I am so sick of people asking me if my younger siblings (my 6 year old sister, 4 year old brother and 2 year old sister) are my children!!!! It mostly happens when I have my 2 year old sister with my, everyone just assumes she is my daughter and it drives me crazy! I usually take my little sister out so my mom can have a break, we go for walks and to the park or to the store and people just out of the blue come up and ask, "Is she your daughter, you look to young sweetie didn't your parents teach you to wait?" :cursing: WHAT!!??? I mean what a question to ask someone! But that lady caught me on the wrong day, I was tired and didn't feel good, and usually I don't shoot back at anyone but that day was the last straw. I shot back at her,"Excusme but she is not my daughter, haven't you ever heard of something called a sister, and didn't your parents ever teach you to mind your own buisness??!!!" I was fuming at that point, the women was so shocked and I just took my little sister and brought her to the other aisle so I could cool down before I told her some other things.

 

I mean come on, my daughter??! Everyone just keeps asking that question, are they your kids, is that your daughter? I mean it drivesme crazy! I hate the way people stare at me with that pity look on their face because they think I have a child and no father or anything. I am trying to be a good Christian young lady, but it's really hard when there are people like that who are so blunt like that!! True it is common nowadays, but I would NEVER do anything like that, and it that women's comment just pushed me too far. This all took place yesterday, and today, another women comes up and asks if she is my daughter, OYE!! I was very calm and told her no she is my sister and I walked away before I said anything else.

 

How on earth do I stop this? There probably isn't a way, I sure wish there was one though. Maybe I should buy a shirt that says the little girl I am with is my sister(or siblings).

 

Thank you for listening to my long rant, now it's over.:rant:

[Tabrett]

My oldest dd would always refer to herself as sissy in front of people giving her mean looks. She would loudly say something like "sissy said..." or "come to sissy".

But be forewarned, if you are young looking when you do have children, people still treat you the same way. I looked very young at 22 when pregnant with dd1. People gave me mean looks all the time. I was constantly telling people how old I was!

[Pretty in Pink]

If it makes you feel any better I can't tell you how many times people have assumed that I am the babysitter rather than the mommy. :001_huh:

[bnbacademy]

nm

Edited September 13, 2014 by bnbacademy

[theYoungerMrsWarde]

:grouphug: :grouphug: I love the t-shirt idea. But then you've got people staring at your chest :D But those "I'm the Big Sister," "I'm the Little Sister," ARE cute.

 

If it helps, I've had people ask if ds#1 was in the wedding :glare: (We are also Christians, and we waited for marriage.) Sadly, this is a sign of the times. Thanks to that MTV show, probably EVERYONE is going to think your little sister is yours, and yes, the shouldn't say anything about it. :grouphug:

[EmeraldGirl]

:grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry that people are so rude when you are obviously being taught good manners.

 

On the looking younger when you are older note, it does come in handy when people ask if your 25 yr old son is your brother. The door greeter at BJs heard my son say "hey mom" at the coupon rack the other night. She approached me politely and said, "Did he just say 'hey mom'?!". She thought I was his girlfriend. I had a good laugh with her.

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

When I was 13 I was asked if my brother was mine, and, if my father was my husband. :confused:

 

Yes, I looked older, but REALLY?

 

So, BTDT. Some people just can't really judge age well.

 

And, also, just because you stand up for yourself doesn't make you a bad Christian. If she is going to be so rude as to *assume* and then actually *ask* then you ahve every right to stand up for yourself.

Edited October 9, 2011 by justamouse

[bettyandbob]

,"Excusme but she is not my daughter, haven't you ever heard of something called a sister, and didn't your parents ever teach you to mind your own buisness??!!!"

 

 

I think your response was appropriate. She might actually mind her own business from now on.

 

Officially, I think the only polite response is ignoring people like this. But some people don't warrant polite responses.

[Scarlett]

Playing devil's advocate here....why not try and change your reaction to it?

 

You are certainly old enough to have a 2 year old....so what if you did? Teens have babies all of the time and THAT alone doesn't really speak to your character. So try just smiling and gently correcting them. 'Oh, no, this is my SISTER. I am only 16. I don't have any children of my own yet.' Because honestly those are the FACTS. It doesn't really speak to your actions or non actions or your character. Just the facts.

 

And how lovely it must be to have all those younger siblings. What a blessing. For them and you.

[Osmosis Mom]

My dds have had the same experience and refused to take walks with their baby brother. When baby sister came along last year, they didn't care anymore.

 

I say don't care!!

[Jeannie in NJ]

my dd is 16 and her little 2 year old cousin loves to walk with her and hold her hand. Dd says she gets so many mean looks. One day, dd was at Best Buy with my nephew (age 32) his wife and their 2 year old. His wife was out of sight and dd was in line with my nephew and the 2 year old. People thought that dd was nephews wife and the mother of the 2 year old. Now dd loves her cousins (both the father and the 2 year old) but she says she was still creeped out at the thought that people thought she was married to her 32 year old cousin. I don't understand why people give her such mean looks even if she was a teen mother, it would not be any of their business.

[Night Elf]

Do any of them look embarrassed when you correct them? I don't think it's considered a common thing for siblings to be so far apart in years. I'm sure you do get upset. You've probably seen the thread about people assuming someone is pregnant. That's happened to me and I was highly embarrassed. But, both times when I told the person that no, I wasn't pregnant, it was their turn to be embarrassed.

 

Even if someone assumed she was your child, you shouldn't assume that they think you aren't married just because you don't have a young man by your side. It's certainly not uncommon for moms to take their children out in public without their husbands tagging along.

 

FWIW, I was out with my sister one day. She is 6 years older than me and I was like 31 or 32 years old at the time. We went to get out hair cut and the lady asked my sister if she wanted her daughter (as in me) to go first. My sister's eyes nearly popped out of her head when she informed that lady that I was her sister, not her child! I turned my head to stifle a laugh, but my sister was so not amused!

[justamouse]

Here's another good one for you.

 

One of the reasons I stopped dying my hair? Because people thought my oldest SON (21) was my HUSBAND. He actually stopped going anywhere with me, or, started calling me MOM really loudly.

 

Yes, I've aged well, but really? Gave me the absolute *creeps* when people looked at me like that.

[twoxcell]

"Is she your daughter, you look to young sweetie didn't your parents teach you to wait?" :cursing: WHAT!!???

My sister and I heard those comments a lot when we took care of our nieces and nephews. Our brothers are older than us so we were young teens when they started having kids. Even more annoying was when I was pregnant for my oldest I was 19 and married but people assumed I was a single teen mom. So annoying especially when the nurses at the hospital asked if I wanted the father on the birth certificate.:confused:

[Kertie]

I had the same problem when I was 16, except with my 2-year-old brother. I never had the horror of someone actually SAYING something that rude, thank goodness, but I got a LOT of older women GLARING at me and even giving me a wide berth while gazing with great pity at my brother.

 

My solution? When I took him out, I wore a cheap silver band on my left ring finger. The glaring stopped. Not entirely honest of me, I know, but there you have it:).

[mom4him]

First off I want to say, "God bless you for being there to help your mom and give her a break. I think that is great!"

When I was young, I watched my siblings kids and many times was asked about my children. I was 12 the first time this happened and was mortified. People are rude and that is the beginning and end of it. If you want to continue being a blessing to your mom and you enjoy your younger siblings learn to simply brush it off and go on.:grouphug:

[rieshy]

My oldest children get this all the time. I've decided it's not just because some people love a scandal- it's because of their self-assurance and the loving and responsible relationship they have with the littles.

 

How many 19 yo young men these days know how to swing around a little one and correct them when they get too rambunctious?

 

I remember when my now 17 yo was only 12 and was wearing my newest baby in a sling while grocery shopping with me and the rest of our troup. A lady came up to me asking all sorts of inappropriate questions, ready to enjoy feeling superior. She ended up commenting that she had never seen a group of siblings as sweet to each other as mine.

 

So, I suggest taking it as a compliment, even if that was not the intent of the questioner.

Edited October 9, 2011 by rieshy

[mommaduck]

You can't stop the presumptions. You can choose how to respond to other people's rudeness. You may either be entirely snarky or you may simply inform them, as they are speaking from ignorance.

 

The presumptions are not unreasonable given #1. the high rate of teen pregnancy and #2. the smaller rate of either large sibling groups or largely gapped sibling groups.

 

Being snarky shows them their rudeness, but makes you out to be the *insert whatever nasty description you want here*. Giving either a puzzled and clueless look or laughing, then saying, "no, she's my baby sister" gives a bit of grace for them to apologise and realise that not every teen walking around with a tot is a mother.

 

BTW, I used to get the same thing, both when I was fifteen and carried my baby brother around and over the next few years while I was a nanny.

[cbollin]

:grouphug:

fwiw, I would have been offended too if someone had said that.

 

I'm glad that today when a similar situation happened, you answered simply and then walked away. good job!

 

With your future goals of being a labor and delivery nurse,you'll have a lot of compassion when there is a younger mom in your care.

 

also, fwiw, you'll get all kinds of things thrown at you from people. I usually shrug it off, but I've had my share of days when I turned around and gave them the same treatment they were giving me. People are weird. If it isn't "is that your child", it will be "you homeschool? what about socialization?" or "how many children do you have?" or "who did your hair, it's ugly". or "you need to cue better!" (I had a customer tell me that in the middle of a song while leading group exercise... it was my 3rd time teaching.)

 

and you're a good daughter to help your mom like that.

 

-crystal

[mommaduck]

Here's another good one for you.

 

One of the reasons I stopped dying my hair? Because people thought my oldest SON (21) was my HUSBAND. He actually stopped going anywhere with me, or, started calling me MOM really loudly.

 

Yes, I've aged well, but really? Gave me the absolute *creeps* when people looked at me like that.

Well, that is more of a compliment than what happened to my mom. She got mistaken for being her husband's mother-in-law. A waitress thought *I* was his wife. The rest of the trip was sheer hell.

[ChristusG]

I've been in your shoes. My littlest sister is 13 years younger than me. When I turned 16 and could drive, I began taking her places with me (so she was 3). I had countless people refer to her as my daughter. No one was ever rude about it though....at least not to my face. It never really bothered me, I found it amusing. Now if someone would have been rude, as has happened to you, then yeah, I think I would have been annoyed.

 

And the thing is, I looked even younger than my 16 years...I probably looked 13 or 14. So what were these people thinking?? That I had her when I was 10 or 11?? Possible, but not very likely!

[Danestress]

they are probably just trying to be friendly and make conversation. Maybe you look a little older than you are, or maybe you are old enough that some kids your age are mothers. It's not an insult to make pleasant conversation that assumes a child is yours. Even "good Christian" girls sometimes find themselves as mothers.

 

I was a very young (adoptive) mother. People made comments all. the. time. about how I was too young to be his mother. Until I grew my hair out grey this year, people still made those comments as he (and I) grew into adulthood. Sometimes I guess it was rude, but mostly it was people trying to be nice in ways that were a little risky, lol.

 

You always have a choice to be offended and get your dander up or to be friendly and assume the best. I personally found it made me happier and calmer to not take offence and to just say, "no really, I AM his Mom, and I am not too young." Most of the time when people say "rude" things, we can chose to see it that way or we can choose to focus on the positive. Sometimes, there is no positive - if someone is clearly being aggressively offensive. But most of the times, your way of looking at it is YOUR choice.

[Parrothead]

Well, I'm sorry that happens to you. :grouphug:

 

I suppose I can tell you it could be worse. You could be 42 and some busy body asks if your 9-year old is your grandchild. :glare: Yup, it happened to me.

[Dmmetler]

:grouphug:

 

Having said that, I'm bad enough with ages that I once mistook one of DD's friends FATHERS for her older sister's boyfriend-which would have been pretty strange because even though he's her step dad, he was a young looking 30 and his stepdaughter was an old looking 13 at the time. Fortunately, I didn't say anything and as soon as I heard the little girl calling him "Daddy", I figured that he must be the older girl's stepfather :).

 

I teach a toddler Kindermusik class on Saturdays, and I have a teen mom coming with her child-but the other moms tend to assume that she's a babysitter or nanny-she's been asked a couple of times what agency she works for. If she ever wants an nanny job, I suspect she could get one in a heartbeat :).

[Ginevra]

Well, that does happen, because the social dynamics are such that it is probably more likely that you have a child than little siblings. I got this when I was a teenager, too. I remember getting this one time when I was thirteen! :svengo: My sister used to get the hairy eyeball from people a lot when she was holding our little brother. She showed them - she got pregnant and had her own! :tongue_smilie: (jk - she did get pregnant, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't to spite anybody. ;))

 

People are weird. They assume the strangest things. You've mostly got to let it roll off.

[laundrycrisis]

If they are lecturing you or talking down to you, you will get the most effect by politely correcting them with a sweet smile (even if you are seething inside) and a cheery, "this is my little sibling !" . Because they will be embarrassed ! As they should be.

[brightside]

But be forewarned, if you are young looking when you do have children, people still treat you the same way. I looked very young at 22 when pregnant with dd1. People gave me mean looks all the time. I was constantly telling people how old I was!

 

OH MY .... Yes. I was 23 with my son and I had all kinds of rude old ladies talking loudly about how "kids getting pregnant and ruining society". One day pregnancy hormones got the best of me and I actually chewed one of them out. On the upside they kept giving me the children's menu too. :lol:

[phathui5]

Even "good Christian" girls sometimes find themselves as mothers.

 

 

I'm a Christian and also the 27 year old mother of an 11 year old.

[BigMamaBird]

Look them dead in the eye, try your hardest not to smile, and say yes. :D

[Parker Martin]

I was twenty-seven when I had my first son. I got a lot of "Is this your child?"

"Yes."

Evil eye from original questioner.

"I think I'm probably older than you think I am. I'm twenty-seven."

"Oh, I thought you were a teenager."

 

People are rude. What can you do?

 

Now that never happens. :001_unsure: Shed a tear for me.

 

As for the OP, it's very odd that people wouldn't just assume sister. Doesn't anyone have siblings anymore?

[Parker Martin]

Look them dead in the eye, try your hardest not to smile, and say yes. :D

 

Heh.

 

Or, "Yes, she's mine. My other four are at home."

[JennifersLost]

Soak it up!

 

Beam and say, "I wish! These are my sisters, but I can't wait until I'm old enough to have children."

 

Believe me - all the advice you get when you are young is very annoying, but one day (sooner than you think!) you'll look in the mirror, realize that you are old (anything above 35 as a woman) and darn near invisible! Not only will no one give you advice, they won't even see you.

 

I think that's why older people give unsolicited advice: They're lonely.

 

If you really want to turn the situation around, say the above sentence and then ask them a question - "What was it like for you when you had your children?" They'll be so flabbergasted that you even care that they'll probably just faint and you can go about your business.

[LuvingLife]

Lol some of your stories really made me laugh and glad to know that I am not the only one who goes through this!:lol:

 

I have been trying so hard to be calm and tell people that she is not my daughter but my little sister, but that last lady's comment was very rude and it just made me very upset. It really was not her buisness even if my little sister was my real child. I have been taught to wait, and I will wait, and this has not stopped me from taking my sister out. Or any of my siblings for that matter, they are just too much fun! And my mom is with them all day so it's nice for her to get a break every once in a while.Thank you all for listening to me rant though, I really needed to get it off my chest.

 

I think the stories of when people assume the son is the husband and the mother is the wife (or boyfriend girlfriend) is hilarious!! That is odd but very funny, who said women age?:D

[LuvingLife]

Look them dead in the eye, try your hardest not to smile, and say yes. :D

 

:iagree: And my mom is pregnant with another one, so I wonder if I should say yup and another on the way!:lol::lol:

[LuvingLife]

I was twenty-seven when I had my first son. I got a lot of "Is this your child?"

"Yes."

Evil eye from original questioner.

"I think I'm probably older than you think I am. I'm twenty-seven."

"Oh, I thought you were a teenager."

 

People are rude. What can you do?

 

Now that never happens. :001_unsure: Shed a tear for me.

 

As for the OP, it's very odd that people wouldn't just assume sister. Doesn't anyone have siblings anymore?

 

 

That's what I was thinking! I know we aren't close in age, but I mean my goodness!;)

[JaniceO]

I used to look a lot younger than what I was. I would get those kinds of looks all the time after I had my oldest (and even after I had the next one as well).

 

When my oldest was just under a year old, I went to Cracker Barrel with my family (DH was deployed) and someone thought my brother was the father of my son. They made a rude comment about teen parents. He's 6 years younger than I am (so I was 21 and he was 14).

 

The worst was when I showed up at DH's first port call and one of the guys said he'd go get my father, lol. DH was sent to the boat at the last minute and nobody knew me. They assumed I was someone's daughter.

[cathmom]

People automatically assume that any female with a child is that child's mother. The security guard at a museum this summer assumed that my older dd was my youngest one's mother since she had the stroller. I think that's understandable. However, what that woman said to the OP about waiting was totally out of bounds IMO.

 

This summer an elderly man assumed that I was my son's wife. To be fair, he only really saw me from the back. My son just said, "Actually, this is my mom."

[Paz]

I am small (as in short) and many people think I am much younger tahn I am. When my ds was in high school when we would go out somewhere everyone thought he was either my brother or my date. When we would go out to eat they would always give him the check. One time a balloon artist asked to make a balloon for the "lovely couple." Can you say awkward? My mom loves it because when I am out with my kids they think she is our mother and we are all siblings. My kids are 19 and 22, I am 47 and she is 72. She looks much younger than that.

[Osaubi]

My step mom and my dad get mistaken for mother and son a lot. They are only 3 years apart. It gets really embarrasing when ladies ask my step mom for her son's phone number!

 

Once my car broke down on the side of the street when I was pregnant. I walked to a house and asked to use the phone. When my dh got there they asked him why he would get such a young girl pregnant. Then they asked me if I wanted to call my family to come and pick me up. :lol: I giggled and said we are only 3 years apart and I am not as young as I seem. I was 28 at the time! My dh and I had a good laugh over that one!

[Bluegoat]

It could be worse. A friend of mine's sister and mother were walking together one day and were mistaken for lesbians.

 

I'd say respond gracefully, and decide not to be annoyed.

[Happy]

For me it was the opposite. My mom was married at 16 and had me a short nine months later..Plus she was a young looking woman until the day she died.

 

When I was in high school and college, people would see us together and say 'I didn't know you had an older sister...' Time after time after time...even after I was married and in my 30s. I used to tell her if they ever say I look like the mom or older sister, I'm outta here. lol

 

My mom was only 55 and I was 37 when she died. I SO wish we could have done this big/little sister act for a few more decades.

 

I hope you can choose not to be offended...some people are just clueless. Just wink, smile, and go about your business

[jennsmile]

My brother and I were 2 years apart. We took college classes together and since I had recently married the college hadn't changed my name. We were mistaken for husband and wife. We we explained we were siblings they thought we were twins. :lol:

 

My older brother and his date took my baby brother to a hockey game once and they got mistaken for his parents.

 

My age is always fun to play with as DH is 10 years older than me and we don't like there is that much of a gap. Hopefully it will always be that way. He went somewhere with his brother who is a 18 months older and his mom. They thought his brother was is Dad married to his mom. :lol:

[twoforjoy]

they are probably just trying to be friendly and make conversation.

 

I'm not sure that "didn't your mom teach you to wait?!" will ever be the opening to a friendly conversation.

 

I don't know, I can't help but keep thinking "So what if they were?" If they were your kids, you wouldn't deserve the rude comments and dirty looks either, you know? Who knows the situation? For all the person knows, you could have been assaulted at 13 and had a child from that; would you really need nasty comments if that was the case? Would there be any case in which rude, judgmental comments would be appropriate? I honestly can't think of any, and it really, really bothers me that people treat teen moms that way. (And I say this as somebody who had my first at 26.)

 

I've got to imagine that it's hard enough to be a teen mom without people heaping scorn on you for something that 1) is done (I mean, it's not like you can send them back) and 2) was handled as well as it could have been. I try, given that, to be as nice and friendly to pregnant teens and teen moms as I can, and I'll go out of my way, if I see somebody who appears to be a teen mom at the playground or park, to go up and say hello and ask about her kids and basically treat her with the same friendliness and respect I'd treat any other mom (or person, for that matter) with. I don't think I've ever mistaken somebody's siblings for their kids, but if I did, it would be a totally innocent mistake and I wouldn't mean any harm or judgment by it.

 

I guess, IMO, if somebody is simply being friendly (if they ask if they're your kids in a "Oh, your kids are so beautiful!" way), I'd just politely correct them. If somebody is being rude, and tries to shame you because they think you have kids, I'd be tempted to just give them a look to let them know how inappropriate their comment was and leave it at that, unless they pushed it and it was necessary to clarify things.

Edited October 10, 2011 by twoforjoy

[ChristusG]

Years ago, I was referred to as my husband's daughter (this was before we had kids). :001_huh: We're only 3 years apart, but he is graying early and I look sort of young....so I guess they just spoke before thinking. I try not to make assumptions on how people are related.

[The Girls' Mom]

I used to get rude comments all the time about my OWN kids when they were younger. I looked very young, but was 20 when my oldest was born. (Are you babysitting? Didn't you know better? You poor thing! Etc...)

 

Now that my kids are as tall as I am, I think they assume that I'm their sister, or with friends :lol:.

 

I did stop holding my oldest dd's hand in public as much (sadly) because we DO look like a couple when we do that...lol. Especially since she has short hair and dresses like a boy half the time.

[Starr]

People always thought my brother was mine and my mother was raising him and calling him hers. We always got a big laugh out of it but she said if she carried him she wanted the credit. lol

[Homemama2]

:grouphug::grouphug: I am so sorry that people are so rude when you are obviously being taught good manners.

 

:iagree: How rude. But it doesn't get any better later on. I had a woman once raise her eyebrows and say "You must be a VERY young mother." I was 30. :confused:

[Pamela H in Texas]

This happens to my children also. My two oldest are 19 and 16. The rest are five and under. My kids look very young, but...

 

Last night, we went for a walk. DS was on roller blades and pushing the baby stroller ahead (and the back, over and over). He rounded a corner before DD and I did and this guy makes a comment about my son taking "his baby" out for a walk.

 

Like you, my daughter, instead of just thinking it is silly like my son does, gets irritated. She has no interest in young men and even if she did has every intention of making better choices than to even have the possibility of getting pregnant at 19 (and it would have been THIRTEEN had she had the oldest little!).

 

I don't know if there is anything she can do about it though. When asked, she says they are her little siblings. If we're together (or I'm near enough by), I try to be obvious about being their parent ("hand that to Mama" or whatever). The kids are also very proud of us recently (we've only had them six months) telling anyone who will listen, "this is my mom" and "this is my big sister."

 

Thankfully, I'm fairly young looking (avatar was pic taken last fall) so...

 

I look forward to reading your thread for ideas for us too.

 

ETA: BTW, I shared this before, but here is a picture of my mom with my niece and nephew. We just have good genes.

Edited October 10, 2011 by 2J5M9K

[Ellesmere]

.

[Cricket]

:grouphug: :grouphug: I love the t-shirt idea. But then you've got people staring at your chest :D But those "I'm the Big Sister," "I'm the Little Sister," ARE cute.

 

If it helps, I've had people ask if ds#1 was in the wedding :glare: (We are also Christians, and we waited for marriage.) Sadly, this is a sign of the times. Thanks to that MTV show, probably EVERYONE is going to think your little sister is yours, and yes, the shouldn't say anything about it. :grouphug:

 

We've been with our Little League for about two years now. A few months ago one of the parents asked if my oldest son was dh's from a previous relationship. Uh...no. A few days after my 30th birthday (and after 5 years of marriage) I was confronted by a lady who asked if my second son was my child and told me I was too young to have a baby. He was a couple of months old at the time. She gave me plenty of dirty looks before finally asking. It wasn't until later that I figured she must have thought our 3 yo who was with me was my little brother. :lol: People are so screwy.