When finances are declining, how much do you communicate to your children?

[melissel]

I find myself saying no to a lot more than usual these days, and the money gremlins seem to be tracking us down every month or so (e.g., $2500 in car repairs, $1500 in medical bills, just found out that our mortgage company(ies) messed up our escrow so our mortgage payment is about to go up $350 a month for a year :banghead::banghead::banghead:).

 

The kids are used to getting treats fairly often, eating out fairly regularly, buying books fairly regularly, etc. We were pretty generous in our own spending, but my parents also lavished things on them. They got used to a pretty good lifestyle, but over the past few years, things have tightened up for all of us, and they'll be even tighter over the coming months. I'm saying no constantly, and it's so hard. I want to be honest with them about why we have to be so careful about our spending, but I don't want them to be anxious about it. (We do talk constantly about making good choices, saving for emergencies, unexpected costs, etc.) DH is still employed, but with the way his company is treating its employees these, there are no guarantees. And even if he does stay employed, income is likely to decrease.

 

So how honest are you with your kids about your true financial situation? And how do you decrease the amount of "Can I haves" and "Can we eat ats" and "Can we go tos"? Some days I just want to scream to stop asking me for things! And they're not even that unreasonable about it, but the nickel-and-diming drives me a little :willy_nilly:.

[butterflymommy]

When things were really tight we flat out told the kids not to ask for anything because we couldn't afford it. If we went to a store or a mall together it was with the understanding that they wouldn't ask or even hint at asking for anything. Same for eating out-- other than pizza or takeout on a birthday we never ate or ordered out and the kids weren't allowed to ask for it.

 

We tried to make up for it by using the library a lot (we still do) for dvds and books, and I would cook treats/ desserts from scratch a lot. I got very good at making pizza.

 

So in our case we were blunt and laid down ground rules. DH and I didn't spend on ourselves either.

[2_girls_mommy]

hmm, yes we have always been honest about situations, in a non scary way. But I don't deal with he 'may we haves?' I am not sure why except that I never had trouble saying no when they were little. They accept no very well. When my kids say they wish they had something, a typical response from me is "OOH, I like that too. I would like that too." and I mean it. I take a second to admire whatever it is they are looking at, and then we move on. They have never gotten treats just because we are out at a store. When they do they are thankful.

 

We have always had talks about wants vs. needs as well.

 

We pray together about the job situations of friends and family who have been out of work. They have seen several families with whom we are close move because of work situations (having to leave the state for a job because they couldn't get anything in their field here.) The recession has been very real and we explain it to them at their level. It is hard because we have lost touch completely with some friends. But on the other hand, we have stayed close with others and we now have friends to visit on vacations and the kids have penpals.

 

I would not hesitate to be a little honest with them and to find a way to cut out the nickle and diming.

[Bang!Zoom!]

If you can show them also what nickles and dimes add up to, that could be fun and educational also.

 

Maybe when the "I wanna" starts, turn the conversation into a time you discuss money in a positive way and saving up for rainy days.

 

Do the kids have their own little saving accounts and passbooks?

 

Most banks will start one for them for about 5 dollars or so. There's a ton of resources online for financial education for kids.

[Farmgirl70]

Your kids are pretty young, so I wouldn't be too detailed. It also shouldn't be too hard for them to adjust to new spending patterns. If it were me I'd just come up with a one line reason that is honest, but not scary:

 

"We need to spend our money on some extra bills right now, so we're going to make ______ at home. Would you like to help me cook?"

 

"Let's see if the library has that book. We're not buying extras right now."

 

"You know, that reminds me of the gift __________ gave you. We should go hunt that down and play with it. Let's focus on enjoying the things we have for a while instead of buying new ones."

 

"We're just looking today, not buying."

 

"We have plenty of money for all we need right now, but not for extra things for a while."

 

My kids are older, so we are more detailed about financial choices. I think that they take their cue from you as far as attitude about your financial situation. If you are matter of fact, they won't be worried.

[QueenCat]

Part of it depends on their age. I would tell more to older teens than young children, but still making sure they don't think it's their responsibility to fix the situation, only to help with not asking for things that just can't happen right now. I understand your concern about not making them anxious. For the "go do" kind of things, when we were in a slump, I tried to find replacement activities that were cheaper or free. Asking grandparents to give "activities" instead of toys for Christmas and birthdays can help too.

[Jenny in Florida]

We've always been honest but positive. "Things are tight right now, because xyz is happening. We're perfectly fine in terms of the basics, and we're able to take good care of you. We just can't afford lots of goodies and treats for a while."

 

Then, I involve them in helping me brainstorm some ways to have fun and enjoy some treats that don't cost much.

 

So, as someone else mentioned, maybe we can make a weekly library trip part of our routine. We can check out books and DVDs and plan family movies every Friday or Saturday with a library DVD and some home-made popcorn. My kids used to LOVE that stuff when they were little. We'd let them bring every blanket in the house into the living room and make tents and nests and watch movies together.

 

Rather than buying ice cream and boxed cookies, can they help you bake things at home? That's cheap and provides both entertainment and goodies.

 

Mine have always been really good about pitching in to the best of their ability. And I suspect it you explain and then ask them to help, you might find yours are, too.

[cjzimmer1]

Well we are just winding up 4 months of unemployment. The day my DH was laid off we immediately told the kids. Obviously in our case that was important because suddenly daddy was home all day and not going to work. But we also explained that it meant there wasn't ANY money for extras. We lived leaned before but now we had to take it to a whole new level. The oldest 2 never asked for a thing and we heard telling the younger ones that no we didn't have money for something. One son had to wear shoes that you could see his sock in the front because it has separated from the sole. He never complained (actually it didn't even bother him hence he never thought to bring it up that maybe he needed new shoes).

 

The girls were a little harder because they had less understanding of money but framing it in the context of daddy not having a job thus not earning money helped them a bit.

 

Didn't you quit your job in last year? I would frame it saying you had less money since you are no longer working and things get more expensive over time. I wouldn't bring up your DH's job uncertainties because that might make them unnecessarily fearful but your job change is a fact of life and one they can understand since you are available more to them.

 

It's also never to early to help them understand needs versus wants. This is actually a lesson better learned young than older because hopeful it will help them understand the value of money before they go into debt as an adult. I think it's a great time to start teaching them about those aspects of life (never spend more than you make etc).

 

They are bound to be disappointed but I try to buffer a dissapointment about not being to spend money with some free/cheap activity. For instance, I know you would really like to go to X with your friends but we don't have the money for the right now, how about we plan an outing to the zoo (which for us is free) or we are not going to buy those yummy looking cookies in the mall that cost $4.00 each but we will go home and make a batch ourselves and everyone can decorate their own (with chips or sprinkles or whatever I have on hand).

 

It is hard to say no to the kids but if you are consistent and explain why they will adjust.

[J-rap]

Gosh, sometimes if it gets to a certain point, what else can you do but be honest? If you can't afford certain things anymore, you can't afford them! We've been through tough times in the past, and had quite a range of ages. We told the kids times were tough, but we'd be okay. We had to quit piano lessons, eating out, vacations. We still had fun... For Christmas, when the kids wanted a tree so badly, all the kids had to put their hard-earned money together to buy one. They were so, so excited to all have a part in it. They talk about that Christmas when THEY had to buy the tree (years ago, now) often, and fondly.

With the older kids, we went into more details I think, but not with the younger ones.

[Samiam]

I like what Jenny in FL said. It tells them enough, without causing them to worry about not having a home, etc.

 

I do think something should be said though. I know when we were really, really struggling, I mean, REALLY, it was so stressful to me, when I had to take my children to the store, and they were constantly asking for things. Here I am worring whether my debit card would get declined for a gallon of milk, and my children were "Can I have this" "Can I have that".....not their fault, I know, but nonetheless, due to my stress factor, I am sure that I bit their heads off more than once.

 

I think, looking back, had we said something like Jenny in Fl mentioned, perhaps my children would have been less "asky", and also more appreciative if things they did get, and more appreciative that due to hard work, and diligence, we were able to get to a better position. Instead, we tried to keep it from them, just because we were worried about the stress it would put on them, I didn't want them to worry, etc. Not sure I would handle it the same way if we were in that dire situation again.

[katilac]

I started my kids on an allowance at an early age. They have never asked for stuff at the store, b/c they know that's what their allowance is for. For that aspect, I would simply tell them that they are getting older, and it's time for them to start learning how to manage money. "You will each get $10 to start with, and then $2 per week after that." And it's up to them to decide if they want to buy little things as they go, or save for bigger items. I have one of each type, and they're both happy, b/c THEY are deciding, y'know? Make the allowance small enough that you won't need to stop if right away if dh loses his job, or you have unexpected expenses.

 

The eating out and such is harder b/c it is a lifestyle change. Kids don't have much of a sense of time, so it won't help to tell them to ask less often. I'd solve this by deciding how often you can afford to eat out. If it's never, then you just need to tell them that. If it's once a month on kid's eat free night, tell them that. "We're going to make the first Tuesday of the month our eating out night. We can go to x, y, or z."

 

Make a list of free and low-cost activities and schedule some of them. It sounds like they're used to being active and on-the-go, but there are plenty of low-cost ways to do that. The trick is to search them out, and write them down so they're handy. You might even keep a copy in your car. Some kids won't notice the difference between free or paid activities, others will enjoy helping you 'hunt' and add to the list.

 

My kids are a bit older than yours, but I think even the very young are likely to hear about the bad economy. We talk to them about savings, etc, as you do, but we have also emphasized that we will be fine no matter what. If the worst (monetarily) were to happen, we'd deal with it. If we lost our jobs and lost our house, we'd still be a family and still be happy.

[mom2scouts]

 

Do the kids have their own little saving accounts and passbooks?

 

Most banks will start one for them for about 5 dollars or so. There's a ton of resources online for financial education for kids.

 

Our bank and most other local banks won't even start a child's account with less than $50.:glare:

[Dayle in Guatemala]

Be honest--it's the best thing. You can sit them down and tell them in general terms that things are tightening up around the house and with the family.

 

Be specific with them about what to expect--less treats; less eating out; less extra spending; less movies--whatever it is so they know up front what is happening.

 

Let them know what to expect in way of activities like going out to eat. "We will be going out to eat twice a month now instead of every week."

 

Assure them that it isn't to the point where you all need to worry about anything just cutting back to be wise with the money you have.

 

Ask them to help you all come up with great alternatives you can do as a family that doesn't cost anything or is cheap. It helps them to be a part of the process of cutting back a little so they see that you're working together as a family. It also makes it less scary for them to see that you all are still going to do things you just have to adjust.

 

When we moved here we had to do the same thing. We went from living with a consistent income to living on faith and support as missionaries. At first we tried to keep it from the kids what kinds of things we needed to change and it was hard on us and them. They were a little bit worried when they saw us making cuts but not understanding what was going on. Once we sat them down and let them know (in general terms) what needed to be done it was not a problem for them at all. They like helping us to save and be frugal and they are learning valuable lessons themselves.

[DawnM]

I am strait up with my kids. I tell them that we are blessed to be able to homeschool them but in order to do that, we need to cut some things out. We could have a lot more "stuff" if they went to school and I went back to work, but we are making a choice as a family to live on one income.

 

They are pretty good about it.

 

Dawn

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

My kids are aware that our finances have been drastically reduced. DH has had what is basically a salary reduction, so we are struggling to pay the essentials. I've had to let my kids know that things are different now. No, the nice old man at the barber shop can't cut your hair, because he costs twice as much as going to Great Clips. No, we can't go to Panera for lunch. No, you can't get a $40.00 Halloween costume. And so on. I've even told them there may be no Chanukah presents. (There will be, but just not the huge Lego sets and DS games they want.) I've told them that Santa is struggling with the economy, also, and that he may be limited in what he can bring. We've been very fortunate to be able to provide lots of nice things, but dh's business is struggling, so until things turn around, we will be struggling right along with the business.

[Tap]

When the prospect of dh's job going away became a very real possibility, we sat down the older kids and had a chat. We didn't give them exact numbers but we talked about what was likely coming and how our budget works. We talked about cutting activities to increase our savings, so if we needed it later, we would have it. We made general time lines of when our money would run out, but also let them know that we had retirement savings and other sources of money that would make it so we could live for many years without any income if we absolutely had to. We didn't want to scare them, but we did need them to understand that our money had an potential end.

 

We talked about, once dh would inevitably loose his job, how things would be then.

 

We talked about what we were each being asked to give up. Their education would remain a priority (college and private school) but extra classes were going on a hiatis. We talked about birthday presents and trips around town. We talked about big things, like vacations and the little things like eating at fast food restaurants. We talked about how, if you save money you have it to rely on later. We talked about, spending money and how not only is the money gone....but that it is not in savings either! We talked about each dollar and how spending money, actually affects a budget in two ways. That is a hard concept for some people to grasp, they did fine with it.

 

The have been great about it all. They really try to help out and I think that by giving them some of the information.

 

ONE thing that has been great for the kids to understand, is how our years of saving for a rainy day, was what was keeping us in our home during the job loss and how living well within our means, was protecting us from huge stresses.

 

They both have friends whose families have serious financial losses these past few years. It was very interesting to see them correlate the situations and to come up with some of the benefits on their own.

Edited October 8, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap

[mchel210]

We went on a strict budget in June. The kids had drastic changes in daily life...but they kept asking and I just kept telling them we didnt have it budgeted. BUT...we do get extra money now and then to do fun things and buy frozen yogurt and such. They have adjusted and seem to understand now!!

[kalanamak]

We are not pinching, but I do have a budget, and if I have expenditures over it, I have to earn more money. When I work overtime, I tell kiddo I am working to pay for X.

 

I make it very matter of fact, without drama, shame/blame, or misery. It doesn't seem to upset him.

 

(Hubby costs me money through carelessness, and I am blunt about it to both of them, but not raised voice or spiteful. Today Hubby pulls out a styrofoam container of carry out mushrooms. He doesn't eat them, so if he eats out, he brings back a little container with 1/2 C of stirfry mushrooms, which I always throw out, thinking of horror of the spitty chopstick which picked them out of the dish and then the 3 hours in a hot van. He pulled it out and asked if I wanted it for breakfast, and I said no, and asked that he stop bringing these dribs home (I've been asking for 10 years). He says okay and tosses it out. I am standing over the trashcan, as I've just scraped the plates, styrofoam lid pops open and acts as an air foil, container sails past trashcan, flips over, and lands on my brand new suede Berkies. I say nothing (what is there to say), hubby says nothing but heads for the paper towels, and kiddo says "guess you'll have to work next weekend."

So, not only do I want to teach that money is just a tool, albeit an important one, I want kiddo to think before doing something careless. :))

[Tap]

Our bank and most other local banks won't even start a child's account with less than $50.:glare:

 

 

 

Try a credit union instead, the are often more kid friendly in our area.

[Crimson Wife]

What about blaming the lousy economy in general? Even little kids are likely aware that our country is going through some tough times right now. I'd read the story of "The Ant and the Grasshopper" and talk about how tightening one's belt is a good way to be prepared for emergencies.

 

DH's industry is starting to go through yet another cycle of layoffs. This is the 3rd time since fall 2007 and we really pray that he doesn't get caught up this time as he did in 2007 and 2010. :(

[Lara in Colo]

I believe in letting the children watch me struggle, not just in money but with all things; my weight loss, my faith, my procrastination problems. (I do not let anything go so far as to diminish me in their eyes or to make them worry).

If you don't let them see you struggle, how can they see you succeed. If they cannot see the problems, how can they see the blessings and miracles from God?

If they don't learn from you how to get through tough times, how to lean on God, or how to learn from failure, how can they have faith in you, God, or themselves?

 

Lara

[Lily_Grace]

We're very open with ds about our finances, even now, with dh's paycheck declining monthly, it seems. The budget worksheet is up on the computer at all times if he's curious. But we had to lay down some ground rules to avoid the stress I felt as a kid. I knew nothing about my parents' finances except "we can't afford it". So we wanted to do things differently:

 

-"We can't afford it" is a banned phrase here. "We choose" "It's not in the budget" and "That would interfere with our goals" are all acceptable substitutes. WE are in charge of our money, and WE tell it where to go. "We can't afford it" gives the paycheck the power.

 

-We pay ourselves first. Even if it's just $10-20, we pay our savings and put that at the top of the budget.

 

-Our goals are written at the bottom, and our goal sheet is the next page. Having dreams is important. We've had months where it feels like we never get any closer, but we try.

 

-We make sure everyone has a carved out place. There is a little money each paycheck allotted for personal needs so that our kids know they are as important as the car payment. If they need it, we'll find a way.

 

-We follow the envelope style system. When the money is gone from that category, it's gone.

 

-We're open to suggestions. Ds wants us to go to a movie. We didn't allot $30 for that. He can look at the budget and suggest we take the $30 from food, or the car payment. Usually ends in a rather good discussion, and a realization that waiting for it to come to the library or budgeting in the $3 rental the next month might be a better option.

 

 

I knew very little about finances growing up and dh and I had a pickle of a time trying to figure things out on our own. We wrote down one day all the things we wish we had learned and created rules about our own money that would help our kids to learn as they grew.

[Lily_Grace]

Our bank and most other local banks won't even start a child's account with less than $50.:glare:

 

Neither would ours. I had ds first use this: Money Savvy Pig and then have a pretend home bank account with a balance book, and then to http://www.familymint.com, where he has a virtual account to use (not connected to any bank) while his real money is now in a real savings account. When he gets his allowance I "deposit" it in familymint and then move actual cash from my account to his at the bank.

[Amy in NH]

I started my kids on an allowance at an early age. They have never asked for stuff at the store, b/c they know that's what their allowance is for. For that aspect, I would simply tell them that they are getting older, and it's time for them to start learning how to manage money. "You will each get $10 to start with, and then $2 per week after that." And it's up to them to decide if they want to buy little things as they go, or save for bigger items. I have one of each type, and they're both happy, b/c THEY are deciding, y'know? Make the allowance small enough that you won't need to stop if right away if dh loses his job, or you have unexpected expenses.

 

That's all well and good if there's enough money to pay the allowance. We haven't had the money to pay our little kids their $1/week allowance. We're at that place of worrying about whether the debit card will be declined over the gallon of milk. And we're honest with the kids about it.

[swellmomma]

I do not get into the nitty gritty details but I do make it very clear that we have no money for extras. They do get an allowance from gramma and that helps, reminding them to save their own money if they want something, or telling them to put the desired item on their xmas/birthday wish list. With my oldest I have to be very abrupt/in your face about it because even after being told we have no money he doesn't get it. He thinks we should not but food that week so he can have a new video game etc. So with him I have to be forceful and go into it a little more, usually in the sense of asking if he has money, does he have a job, etc When he answers no, I simply reply with "neither do I so tell me where the money is magically appearing from?" Or I ask him what he would rather live without this month,the van to get to his activities, lights, heat or hot water. At that point he leaves it alone. It is frustrating because even my 3 yr old know that if mom says no, or I don't have enough money she just says "okay I will wish for it" and that is that. NO problem with the 3 youngest understanding that my priority is bills/food/mortgage but he just does not get it despite being 13. I think I am going to do the monopoly money thing to show him what is coming out vs what is going out and what is left over.

[kewb]

This past year has been a financial hardship for our family. When the belt tightening started I sat the kids down and explained that there would be no money for extras. They were not to worry about being homeless as we have the money to pay our bills. There was just no money for the extras: Eating out, ordering take out, trips into the city, extra classes. It just wasn't in the budget. If we were going shopping I would tell them how much we had to spend and what specific items we were shopping for. Please do not ask for anything else as the answer will have to be no.

 

My two adjusted fairly well to the new world order. I can't say they always liked it and there were a few heated discussions over what constitutes a want vs. a need. In the long run I found honesty and being upfront about the budget worked for us.

[melissel]

Thanks everyone, you've given me lots of good ideas. Our biggest issue is eating out, I think. They miss their favorite restaurants, and while I'm a good cook, a sushi buffet is simply beyond me :tongue_smilie: (We used to go there for the inexpensive lunch special, but now even that's not an option.)

 

They do know some of the realities of our financial situation. I just feel like I have to keep bringing up our hardships to stop the constant asking, but like some of you pointed out, I just need to say, "Don't even ask me, because the answer will have to be no every time." I need to be firmer about it. They definitely don't throw temper tantrums or even whine much about it, but the constant asking is still hard on me.

 

I appreciate all the input. (And thanks for the link to the piggy bank! I've been thinking about those but I couldn't remember where I'd seen them. Then again, spending $40 on cool piggy banks is probably not the best decision right now :lol:)

[Mommyof4ks]

We use cash for everything other than bills, so the kids know that we have X amount to spend on eating out, books, or whatever. They know how much it costs to stop for ice cream, grab lunch out, and so on, and we tell them that we have to decide if we want to spend all of it the first week of the month or save it to enjoy all month. There are some lean months, and we explain that daddy makes X amount, and we had to buy a new fridge for example, because ours went out and we needed a new one. They understand that we only have so much to spend each month and everything is about choices. If we choose not to buy a new fridge, then we will be eating crackers and nuts, or with a new transmission we cannot go anywhere until daddy gets home. They can understand that.

 

Money gremlins can be a good dose of reality for our kiddos even if it hurts us not to be able to provide what they are used to. It is still sad when I have to say no.

[----]

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Edited September 14, 2014 by amana

[Tutor]

When things were really tight we flat out told the kids not to ask for anything because we couldn't afford it. If we went to a store or a mall together it was with the understanding that they wouldn't ask or even hint at asking for anything. Same for eating out-- other than pizza or takeout on a birthday we never ate or ordered out and the kids weren't allowed to ask for it.

 

We tried to make up for it by using the library a lot (we still do) for dvds and books, and I would cook treats/ desserts from scratch a lot. I got very good at making pizza.

 

So in our case we were blunt and laid down ground rules. DH and I didn't spend on ourselves either.

 

We are currently doing this, and it has been very helpful in cutting down the requests and expectations. We've also tried to make a once-a-month special thing (pizza night, go out for ice cream, buy candy for a family movie night, etc) and let the kids know about it in advance so they can have that to look forward to and not be as tempted by the gimmies when we are out and about for necessities.

[Pretty in Pink]

When money is tight I am honest with the kids without sharing too many details (well, our eldest helps from time to time with the budget so that he can get a feel for one and to help him understand where the money is going). I just say, "Sorry, boys, but there isn't a lot of wiggle room in the budget this payday." I do make an extra effort to find fun, inexpensive activities and treats so that they don't feel like they are missing out. I don't think the little kids notice or care that an activity is free.

[katilac]

That's all well and good if there's enough money to pay the allowance. We haven't had the money to pay our little kids their $1/week allowance. We're at that place of worrying about whether the debit card will be declined over the gallon of milk. And we're honest with the kids about it.

 

Absolutely, but the OP gave me the impression that the issue was frequent eating out at nice restaurants, frequent paid activities, and frequent purchases. Not being able to buy milk is a completely different situation, and I wouldn't make the allowance suggestion at all in that case. But if you are trying to adapt long-term to less discretionary income, going from eating out 3 times a week to once a month, trading a $10 toy and a $10 book for a $2 weekly allowance, going to the museum on the free day - these things can make a HUGE difference in the budget.

[Jenny in Florida]

They miss their favorite restaurants, and while I'm a good cook, a sushi buffet is simply beyond me :tongue_smilie: (We used to go there for the inexpensive lunch special, but now even that's not an option.)

 

I know nothing about sushi, so I apologize if this is a stupid idea. But I have noticed that our local grocery stores have sushi to go sometimes. If stores in your area do the same thing, could you budget some grocery store take-out sushi once a month? I know it's not the same, but it might take the edge off, maybe?

 

Our indulgence is Indian food. It's the one kind of restaurant we can go to where all four of us love the food. It can also easily cost us over $50 for a relatively simple meal. Years ago, I started seeking out Indian grocery stores where I could buy frozen and packaged items, and I learned to make two fairly good main dishes from scratch. As time passes, I've learned to make more and more of the items from scratch. It takes time, but I have more of that than money.

 

Nowadays, my kids actually prefer my home-made stuff.

[melissel]

I know nothing about sushi, so I apologize if this is a stupid idea. But I have noticed that our local grocery stores have sushi to go sometimes. If stores in your area do the same thing, could you budget some grocery store take-out sushi once a month? I know it's not the same, but it might take the edge off, maybe?

 

Our indulgence is Indian food. It's the one kind of restaurant we can go to where all four of us love the food. It can also easily cost us over $50 for a relatively simple meal. Years ago, I started seeking out Indian grocery stores where I could buy frozen and packaged items, and I learned to make two fairly good main dishes from scratch. As time passes, I've learned to make more and more of the items from scratch. It takes time, but I have more of that than money.

 

Nowadays, my kids actually prefer my home-made stuff.

 

That's a really good idea. The only hitch is that our grocery store sushi here is absolutely awful, but if I could find a place to buy a decent roll or two, that might indeed take the edge off. I'll look into it, thanks!

 

(And I've been working on my Indian food too :tongue_smilie: I've finally perfected a curry that we all like!)

[Aubrey]

We've never had much $, so we haven't dealt w/ as much scaling down. I do tell the kids *some* things--because if dad loses his job or something, well, that's obvious. There was a year we had NO money for Christmas, but someone called at the last minute & wanted to give us all of the things they'd had for some foster-adopted kids that were no longer with them. Dh & I did talk to oldest about this, because the foster kids were a lot younger, so the gifts looked kind-of disproportionate. (We still had something for oldest, though.)

 

Other than what you need to share--which I tend to think should be simple, straightforward, & minimal--I'd work on changing their ideas of fun. So they want to go out for ice cream? Buy a carton instead & do sundaes at home--with a game or movie or something. Go out of your way to comment on how much more fun it is to make them together, to play while you eat, to not deal w/ the last person's sticky mess on the table.

 

Pack a picnic to go to the park instead of out to eat, & *try* to find the ways in which it's more fun than going out. (It might not be for YOU, but for the kids, it usually is.)

 

At the same time, you can scale back. If you were eating out 3x a week before, TELL the kids you'd like to aim for once/week. Then maybe "forget" one week. Make cooking together more fun, at-home meals more interesting. Play games over dinner.

 

We ate out too much a few yrs ago--partly because I was pg & having really bad morning sickness followed by low energy. Partly because I didn't really know how to cook. :lol: But we had a major life change that was obviously going to mean less eating out, & we were surprised to find how much we enjoyed seeing each other around our own dinner table again.

 

:grouphug: Money problems stink, but I've been telling my kids lately--about a lot of disappointments, not just $--that it's not the problem itself that defines us, but how we deal with it.

[katilac]

That's a really good idea. The only hitch is that our grocery store sushi here is absolutely awful, but if I could find a place to buy a decent roll or two, that might indeed take the edge off. I'll look into it, thanks!

 

(And I've been working on my Indian food too :tongue_smilie: I've finally perfected a curry that we all like!)

 

Another idea would be takeout from the restaurant, rather than dining in. At a minimum, you save on the tip - and if you usually get drinks, that alone saves a lot! You can also choose to get a smaller amount of the best items as more of a snack or appetizer, rather than full meals.

[desertmum]

I've explained to our ds that sometimes we can't buy this or that because it is too expensive, or daddy didn't get paid yet, etc. Sometimes I get fish and chips for ds (kiddie portion), simply because I cannot cook it at home. But this is not very often. Other times we do have a takeaway if I'm sick. We do buy books because the local libraries are small. We also have to pay for extracurricular activities and take advantage of any free ones we can lay hands on.

[justamouse]

Well, when we moved to a big house, we cinched the belt. My kids were used to a LOT of wiggle room in the budget.

 

What we did was explain to them we had ___ money allotted to the fun budget. What would you like to do with that? It's honest, and it lets them see that mom and dad work within a budget, which is responsible financially. then, when they ask, you can say, "nope, it's not in the budget. If you want that in next month, we'll put it in, but something else will have to come out."

Edited October 10, 2011 by justamouse