hsbeth Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 (edited) I'm a pretty plain Jane dresser myself, but our oldest dd (15) has always been a glamour girl. We often don't see eye to eye on fashion and make-up. We generally encourage her to express herself and dress as she'd like to with only basic (modesty) guidelines. She has some of her own income now as well. Today she had asked to go shopping and picked out a pair of very high heeled pumps. We've allowed her to wear some heels in the past, but smaller (maybe 1 1/2- 2 1/2ish inches). She's always worn them with dressier style outfits to church. These were thin, stiletto style heels, more like 3 -3 1/2 inches. I asked her what she'd possibly wear them with and she answered, "Everything, but especially my skinny jeans!". I may be dating myself here, but I remember the trend of wearing tight acid wash jeans with heels back in the 80's. I hated it then and honestly associated it with being... well... trashy. I also think that heels of that height are super impractical and I worry about twisted ankles, etc. Interested in everyone's thoughts/opinions. Would you or have you allowed your teen to wear a combo like this? We left without the shoes today, but I told her I'd think about it. She's seemed really disappointed and FWIW she doesn't do the whole "pout" thing very often at all. She's generally very accepting of guidance from her dad and I. I'm having trouble deciding if the shoes are truly inappropriate for her age or whether they are just not my personal preference or taste. Help! Edited September 25, 2011 by hsbeth Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie G Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 My girls all went through a phase of wanting to wear really high heeled shoes. Since it wasn't a hill I wanted to die on, I gave in, but stipulated they had to use their own money. All three occasionally wear heels now. Two are quite fashion conscious but just not interested in wearing uncomfortable heels. 15 is probably the earliest I'd allow it, and I know its hard to get over your feeling that it's trashy looking. It's just that 15 year olds dress more adult than we did at their age- and I have to remind myself that shoes don't define a person's character. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kertie Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I hope it isn't horribly obnoxious of me to opine on this since my kids are little:D! I'd sit down with dd, go to Zappos online, and search for 2.5-3.5" heels. The idea is to find common ground...and if you don't, hey, a parenting excuse to hang out on http://www.zappos.com is always welcome, huh? :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 I would allow it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 Well... I think skinny jeans with heels and a tunic or dress (so her rear end is covered) is most likely what she has in mind and that is classy, unlike the look you are thinking of from the 80s. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carpe Posted September 24, 2011 Share Posted September 24, 2011 At that age a shorter skinny heel, or a thicker tall heel would be better for the sake of her feet/ankles. Skinny jeans and stilettos is a very fashionable choice, but one that would make her seem older. Make sure she understands that women twice her age wear those kinds of outfits, so men twice her age find it attractive too. Something about being a teen makes that hard to grasp until some "dirty old" man hits on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaxMom Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Well... I think skinny jeans with heels and a tunic or dress (so her rear end is covered) is most likely what she has in mind and that is classy, unlike the look you are thinking of from the 80s. Yep. That was my thought as well. I actually think Chicos has some outfits like that modeled... And they're not known for "trashy". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 No way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeacefulChaos Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Well... I think skinny jeans with heels and a tunic or dress (so her rear end is covered) is most likely what she has in mind and that is classy, unlike the look you are thinking of from the 80s. :iagree: And I'd be ok with it. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OLG Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Sounds okay to me but I like this look of today! I could never pull it off at my age, sadly. Let her give it a go. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Our dd14 wears skinny jeans with heels quite a lot - she's only 4'11" so she refuses to wear flat shoes very often. ;) I think heels look very pretty with the skinny jeans - it's a very streamlined look. Dd14 will often wear a tank top and a loose off-shoulder sweater with hers. It's not a style that I wear myself (I can't even walk in heels!) but she's not me - she's her own person with her own fashion taste and I respect that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Well... I think skinny jeans with heels and a tunic or dress (so her rear end is covered) is most likely what she has in mind and that is classy, unlike the look you are thinking of from the 80s. I've seen college-aged girls around here wearing that kind of outfit, and it is very cute and classy-looking. It's not my style--I don't do heels--but I do think it can look quite nice. That said, if she were open to a lower heel, I'd probably encourage that, for the sake of her comfort. But, it's not a hill I'd die on, either. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
helena Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 How about a pair of heeled boots? They might be more comfortable and supportive too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 3" heels aren't impractical. I manage 4" heels just fine and wear them frequently. But.... I'm 40-something and I can wear whatever the heck I want. I don't think I'd be too keen on a 15 yo wearing really high heels, but depending on the shoes, I wouldn't go by heel height alone. Without seeing the shoes, it's really hard to tell. Do they fit properly? Can she walk well in them? Are they unlikely to be taken for cheap plastic hooker shoes? If you would answer yes to all three then I'd say let her wear them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 If you look at Loft.com you'll see lots of classy skinny jeans/heels models. Nice stuff. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Well... I think skinny jeans with heels and a tunic or dress (so her rear end is covered) is most likely what she has in mind and that is classy, unlike the look you are thinking of from the 80s. :iagree: As long as she isn't pulling out a giant bottle of hair spray and poufing the hair, and walking around saying "like totally", I think it would look fine. Paula pauses for a flashback to the 80s moment. :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 :iagree: As long as she isn't pulling out a giant bottle of hair spray and poufing the hair, and walking around saying "like totally", I think it would look fine. Paula pauses for a flashback to the 80s moment. :001_huh: Oh, dear God. I almost choked!!! :lol::lol::lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mimm Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 No, I don't see it as trashy at all. I would make sure she planned to wear the heals only on occasions where not a lot of walking over uneven ground needed to happen to minimize risk of twisted ankles and so on. The look described in this thread (not the 80s look) can be very cute. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Not a hill I'd die on, and some skinny jeans and heel looks are just gorgeous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I read just the other day that the more narrow the bottom of the jean, the more delicate the shoe can be. Skinny jeans with delicate skinny heels is very "in" right now. I'd have to see the outfit on her, and if it looked right, I'd let her do it. But I'd have to see it in person to know for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellyndria Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Skinny jeans and heels are very much in style. I say, let her wear it while she can. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Lulu* Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Skinny jeans with delicate skinny heels is very "in" right now. I'd have to see the outfit on her, and if it looked right, I'd let her do it. But I'd have to see it in person to know for sure. :iagree: It totally depends on the shoe and the top. In theory I would be alright with it. DH however might be another story..............:tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brigitte Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 :iagree: It totally depends on the shoe and the top. In theory I would be alright with it. DH however might be another story..............:tongue_smilie: :iagree: to a point. Over a certain height, the heals look trashy or stupid. I would make her walk in them. After 9 years of living on the campus of boarding schools and seeing teenage girls trying to walk in heals that were really high, I can safely say that MOST looked pretty ridiculous. The girls simply did not know how to walk in them. If they could have seen a video tape of themselves, they would have been embarrassed. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Trendy dd says no to the stilettos and jeans. She thinks it's a magazine, club look that doesn't become a 15 year old. Try 2 inch wedges, wider heel, colorful flats and fun converse. Have fun with fashion but it still has to work with your neighborhood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 My 15 year old is at the homecoming dance tonight. She went shopping for her outfit with her friends and came home with 3" heels. They are cute shoes and they will look great but I can tell by looking at them they are not going to be comfortable. She is not used to wearing heels and if I had been with her I would have convinced her to pick something more comfortable but since she already bought them I thought this would be a good time for her to learn from natural consequences. I am sure I will hear about her aching feet when she gets home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 We left without the shoes today, but I told her I'd think about it. She's seemed really disappointed and FWIW she doesn't do the whole "pout" thing very often at all. She's generally very accepting of guidance from her dad and I. I would say since she is normally cooperative, if this is not a "hard and fast" issue for you, it might be a time to show your willingness to compromise. Some good advice I got from a friend though, was to teach DD about how a "whole outfit" has an effect on the image. The shoes and skinny jeans might be fine, but add a top that is too tight or sexy, and then it projects a different image. You might discuss with her that since the shoes and the jeans are a bit edgy, she would want to combine with something not too provocative. Same thing about how a top with spaghetti straps might be fine with jeans, but not fine with a short skirt or shorter shorts. Shorter shorts might be fine with a casual loose tshirt, but not fine with a tighter top. I used to just exclude "items", but thanks to this friend I focus more on teaching DD how to evaluate the whole look of the outfit. ETA, DD12 is a total girly-girl fashionista. I have a long road ahead... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JulieH Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 :iagree: As long as she isn't pulling out a giant bottle of hair spray and poufing the hair, and walking around saying "like totally", I think it would look fine. Paula pauses for a flashback to the 80s moment. :001_huh: LOL or "gag me with a spoon" or "barf me out the door"..."gag me with a fork, it hurts more". LOL Class of 1989. On a serious note, I'd allow it. My 19 year old dd wears skinny jeans and high heels and looks lovely. She wears longer, flowy or blousy tops. She just got my 7 yo dd skinny jeans from old navy..sigh. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kile529 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I'm so thankful I don't have any daughters!!!!! This would make me.... :banghead: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I'd be less concerned about the heels and more concerned about the top worn with the skinny jeans. I love the skinny jeans look but only with a top long enough and loose enough to meet my definition of modest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
msjones Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I would say since she is normally cooperative, if this is not a "hard and fast" issue for you, it might be a time to show your willingness to compromise. Some good advice I got from a friend though, was to teach DD about how a "whole outfit" has an effect on the image. The shoes and skinny jeans might be fine, but add a top that is too tight or sexy, and then it projects a different image. You might discuss with her that since the shoes and the jeans are a bit edgy, she would want to combine with something not too provocative. Same thing about how a top with spaghetti straps might be fine with jeans, but not fine with a short skirt or shorter shorts. Shorter shorts might be fine with a casual loose tshirt, but not fine with a tighter top. I used to just exclude "items", but thanks to this friend I focus more on teaching DD how to evaluate the whole look of the outfit. :iagree: This look can be classy and feminine or just provocative, depending on the whole outfit. Her hair, makeup, top, jewelry, all need to be taken into consideration. I think a teen could look great in the heels and jeans, but only if the top were a bit more subdued. There are so many cute, drapey, tunic-type tops right now that would look perfect with heels on a teen. I'd also say, make sure she knows how to walk in the heels. It does take practice to walk with class in 3" heels. Good luck. I wish I had a daughter to shop with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Michelle My Bell Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Umm... No. I'd explain that what we wear sends messages to people. We need to send positive messages about who we are as people. This does not sound like a positive message for a young girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I would say since she is normally cooperative, if this is not a "hard and fast" issue for you, it might be a time to show your willingness to compromise. Some good advice I got from a friend though, was to teach DD about how a "whole outfit" has an effect on the image. The shoes and skinny jeans might be fine, but add a top that is too tight or sexy, and then it projects a different image. You might discuss with her that since the shoes and the jeans are a bit edgy, she would want to combine with something not too provocative. Same thing about how a top with spaghetti straps might be fine with jeans, but not fine with a short skirt or shorter shorts. Shorter shorts might be fine with a casual loose tshirt, but not fine with a tighter top. I used to just exclude "items", but thanks to this friend I focus more on teaching DD how to evaluate the whole look of the outfit. ETA, DD12 is a total girly-girl fashionista. I have a long road ahead... I love this advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hsbeth Posted September 25, 2011 Author Share Posted September 25, 2011 I appreciate everyone's thoughts. DD is a shoe nut and already has ankle and knee height boots (ankle boots have mid size heels), several pairs of stylish flats, and some mid-size heels. Talking her into a different shoe didn't work. Here's a link to the actual shoe, if that's helpful... http://www.target.com/p/Women-s-Mossimo-Versie-Pumps-Black/-/A-13549704 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I would say since she is normally cooperative, if this is not a "hard and fast" issue for you, it might be a time to show your willingness to compromise. Some good advice I got from a friend though, was to teach DD about how a "whole outfit" has an effect on the image. The shoes and skinny jeans might be fine, but add a top that is too tight or sexy, and then it projects a different image. You might discuss with her that since the shoes and the jeans are a bit edgy, she would want to combine with something not too provocative. Same thing about how a top with spaghetti straps might be fine with jeans, but not fine with a short skirt or shorter shorts. Shorter shorts might be fine with a casual loose tshirt, but not fine with a tighter top. I used to just exclude "items", but thanks to this friend I focus more on teaching DD how to evaluate the whole look of the outfit. ETA, DD12 is a total girly-girl fashionista. I have a long road ahead... This is great advice. I appreciate everyone's thoughts. DD is a shoe nut and already has ankle and knee height boots (ankle boots have mid size heels), several pairs of stylish flats, and some mid-size heels. Talking her into a different shoe didn't work. Here's a link to the actual shoe, if that's helpful... http://www.target.com/p/Women-s-Mossimo-Versie-Pumps-Black/-/A-13549704 Those aren't flashy/trashy at all. Very basic. I would let me oldest wear skinny jeans and high heels. In fact, she does pretty regularly, usually with one of the long flowing tunic shirts. I will say that she is very good at walking in heels though. She has quite a few pairs of high heel shoes and almost all of them are about 3" high (which unfortunately means I can't borrow them even though we are the same size). All the years of dance, including pointe and musical theatre on heeled character shoes, helps I'm sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Veritaserum Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I would say since she is normally cooperative, if this is not a "hard and fast" issue for you, it might be a time to show your willingness to compromise. Some good advice I got from a friend though, was to teach DD about how a "whole outfit" has an effect on the image. The shoes and skinny jeans might be fine, but add a top that is too tight or sexy, and then it projects a different image. You might discuss with her that since the shoes and the jeans are a bit edgy, she would want to combine with something not too provocative. Same thing about how a top with spaghetti straps might be fine with jeans, but not fine with a short skirt or shorter shorts. Shorter shorts might be fine with a casual loose tshirt, but not fine with a tighter top. I used to just exclude "items", but thanks to this friend I focus more on teaching DD how to evaluate the whole look of the outfit. ETA, DD12 is a total girly-girl fashionista. I have a long road ahead... Great advice. And the shoes linked were not trashy at all, but I'd be intimidated by the heel. :tongue_smilie: Skinny jeans + heels + a looser top = not trashy Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BatmansWife Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 (edited) My first thought was: Absolutely No; she's too young for a shoe with that high of a heel. But, now that I see the picture....it doesn't seem that high. I guess I was envisioning the high heels my dd recently got. Here's what she has.....but, she is 19. No way on a shoe like this for a 15 year old.....maybe on a shoe your dd is looking at from Target. Was this any help? Probably not. :D ETA: FWIW...even though dd is 19...I still don't like these shoes. I think they are too high. But, she bought them without me knowing. Not anything I can do about it now. LOL or "gag me with a spoon" or "barf me out the door"..."gag me with a fork, it hurts more". LOL Class of 1989. On a serious note, I'd allow it. My 19 year old dd wears skinny jeans and high heels and looks lovely. She wears longer, flowy or blousy tops. She just got my 7 yo dd skinny jeans from old navy..sigh. Yes, but your dd is 19. I'm not so sure about a 15 year old. Edited September 25, 2011 by ~AprilMay~ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farmgirl70 Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 My dd is 17 and loves to play with fashion. I grew up not having much choice or experience shopping. I spent my 20s trying to figure out my own style (I am not trendy in the least, but did want to look nice). I decided for my kids that I'd rather have them experiment now and figure it out when everyone else does. We've talked about modesty and she generally makes good choices. This year she brought home a swimsuit that I was less comfortable with, but I decided that she is 17 and a half and could choose. After wearing the suit and realizing that she needs to sit carefully in it, she's been pointing out suits with more coverage and saying, "You know, I really like that top. You could be active in it and not worry." So, she's made her mistake and is learning. It's just a swimsuit, not her character. (I should say that she is a lovely person who is also not rebellious. Fashion is a major interest of hers.) So, the heels? I'd let her learn. Shoes don't define her as a person. She may love them or they may kill her feet and sit in the closet most of the time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I appreciate everyone's thoughts. DD is a shoe nut and already has ankle and knee height boots (ankle boots have mid size heels), several pairs of stylish flats, and some mid-size heels. Talking her into a different shoe didn't work. Here's a link to the actual shoe, if that's helpful... http://www.target.com/p/Women-s-Mossimo-Versie-Pumps-Black/-/A-13549704 Oh. That is quit tame. I guess I'd pictured something much more flashy (stereotypical teenage style). I wouldn't have a problem with that at all. Just style it nicely (nice top -- something pretty and feminine and a little floaty, maybe add a coordinating scarf to her handbag). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I'm with others who say, "Take the whole outfit into account." And that the pumps you linked are definitely not a hill (or heel?) to die on. My oldest three daughters are so different. SM is a tomboy who likes to dress up sometimes, but comfort will win the day. Urban Outfitters is her style. G is girly - loves ruffles and long skirts. A is a fashionista. As she was coming into this phase, I worked to help her find role models, talk about fashion with her, ask her advice for my outfits, etc. I've given all the girls a modesty checklist that I think I found at girltalk.com and they pretty much police themselves. Bill or I will step in as necessary, but most of all we're able to encourage them in their choices and note how much we love that they express their personality through the clothes that they choose. I'm wondering if your daughter has anyone to "talk fashion" with. My daughter has a blog, which is mostly fashion and photography, if you'd like to check it out for your daughter. http://randomnessfromtheaddiecorner.blogspot.com/ And, I also ordered a "style book" from Shari Braendel, Good Girls Don't Have to Dress Bad. (The lack of the -ly bugs me, but oh well). All of us have enjoyed this one. It helps you identify your body shape, personal style, etc. AND talks about modesty. Shari has a blog, but she also does these Modesty Rocks conferences. Might be worth checking out! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 My first thought was: Absolutely No; she's too young for a shoe with that high of a heel. But, now that I see the picture....it doesn't seem that high. I guess I was envisioning the high heels my dd recently got. Here's what she has.....but, she is 19. No way on a shoe like this for a 15 year old.....maybe on a shoe your dd is looking at from Target. Was this any help? Probably not. :D ETA: FWIW...even though dd is 19...I still don't like these shoes. I think they are too high. But, she bought them without me knowing. Not anything I can do about it now. Yes, but your dd is 19. I'm not so sure about a 15 year old. Sparkly sparkels aside, that heel isn't as high as you think. That is a pretty substantial platform on there, which offsets the heel height. So if you have a 4" heel and a 1" platform, you are actually walking in the equivalent incline of a 3" heel, not a 4" one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in C-ville Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 Sparkly sparkels aside, that heel isn't as high as you think. That is a pretty substantial platform on there, which offsets the heel height. So if you have a 4" heel and a 1" platform, you are actually walking in the equivalent incline of a 3" heel, not a 4" one. I have several pairs of cork-wedge-platform-heel shoe-sandal-thingies and love them. You get to wear a lot higher heel without feeling like you're tottering. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mandiana Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I appreciate everyone's thoughts. DD is a shoe nut and already has ankle and knee height boots (ankle boots have mid size heels), several pairs of stylish flats, and some mid-size heels. Talking her into a different shoe didn't work. Here's a link to the actual shoe, if that's helpful... http://www.target.com/p/Women-s-Mossimo-Versie-Pumps-Black/-/A-13549704 This link was very helpful. :) I think this shoe is fine. It's funny how different people's views can be though. I would have no problem with the shoes, but my girls (16, 14, and 12) are not allowed to wear skinny jeans. Those I take issue with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LittleIzumi Posted September 25, 2011 Share Posted September 25, 2011 I think the shoe you linked is just fine for a 15-year-old! :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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