okay, a very strange question

[JennifersLost]

I think the sauna part is the part you have to consider.

 

Many people equate sauna with nudity. There might not be actual swapping, but there may be a lot of looking, if you know what I mean.

 

Dh and I wouldn't go to hot tub parties or sauna parties unless we knew the people inviting us well enough to ask outright.

[kalanamak]

 

There is another couple we know that is going. But again, we met them at the campground and have known them for about a year. Not sure if they are "like that" or not as it never occurred to me.

 

 

So, WWYD? (other then possible run in the other direction???:lol:)

 

I'd ask the other couple what her take on the situation is. I might start it as a joke, and make it clear I would find it infra dig, but hahahahaha anyway.

[heartosunshine]

I tend to run on the paranoid end of the spectrum & it takes me a long time to warm up to people.

 

So, coming from that background, this whole scenario really gives me the creeps!:leaving:

[OnTheBrink]

You know, Dr. Phill says to ask the questions you want he answers to. I say just ask. ;)

[Jennifer]

Please don't make me google this-exactly what are "swingers"?? I'm thinking some sort of wife-swap thing, but maybe something to do with actual swings???

 

It's Friday night.

 

Jennifer

[Guest]

He just said

 

"Let me get a closer look at that belly button ring"(not in any particular tone of voice, as in a curious voice, but there was an undertone) as he went to move closer, my DH stepped in

 

 

Ewww.

 

I'm so glad your husband stepped in.

[Guest]

Please don't make me google this-exactly what are "swingers"?? I'm thinking some sort of wife-swap thing, but maybe something to do with actual swings???

 

It's Friday night.

 

Jennifer

 

People who swap spouses. Gross, huh?

[dancer67]

Here is my tangential question: Why were you camping without your kids?! My kids would never forgive us if dh & I went camping without them. ;)

 

[just teasing here....]

 

:lol::lol:

 

Well, my oldest is 21 and has no interest in camping. Second, my other child is 18 and she works every other weekend. And my youngest has a friend that has a beach house and will go with them a lot on the weekends.

 

We have a motorhome. But the place my DH and I go to, only does tent camping. And NO WAY will my 18 and 12 yo tent camp....:D

 

 

We are taking the 18 yo, and 12 yo with a few friends out this coming weekend. We are excited because it is not to often we can get at least 2 of our kids together at the same time to go. As they get older it gets harder.

 

Camping in the motorhome though:lol:

Edited August 13, 2011 by dancer67

[dancer67]

DH and I decided there is no way we are going. I have to go by his gut feeling. I think it was really the belly button thing that finalized it.

 

We are going to politely decline.

 

It sure was interesting reading everyone's perspective on this though. :lol:

[mom2denj]

I would not go! You just cannot be to careful these days. Then again, I tend to be a bit on the paranoid side!

[Love2Smile]

They sound weird.

[KungFuPanda]

PLEASE go for me!!! I'm begging. I have to know how this turns out!

[melissel]

PLEASE go for me!!! I'm begging. I have to know how this turns out!

 

:lol:

 

How wrong is it that this whole thread is reminding me of this SNL sketch?

 

 

 

Dancer, I agree about going with your gut. I have no problem at all turning down a swinging proposition and just going on to enjoy the weekend, but I've watched way too many Criminal Minds episodes to be comfortable with the whole scenario!

[gardenmom5]

Not to mention, he seemed to like my belly piercing an awful lot.(I was lying on a chair sunning in a tankini, but my belly button was showing).

.

 

that kind of attention from a man who KNOWS I'm married and my husband is nearby has *really* creeped me out in the past and would seriously raise flags.

[Jean in Newcastle]

that kind of attention from a man who KNOWS I'm married and my husband is nearby has *really* creeped me out in the past and would seriously raise flags.

 

They might not be swingers but he might be the kind of man who would make a pass at you.

[HeidiKC]

The whole 'swingers' question put aside, personally I think in the times we live in you can't be too careful. If you only have had a few interactions with them, but perceive them to be people you may want to establish a friendship with, I think that's great. However, I think I would want to 'ease' into the friendship a bit more to get a better "lay of the land" so to speak, before heading off to a 40 acre retreat. That sounds pretty isolated to me. Maybe I've seen one to many horror movies, but unless I was really good friends with the couple I'm not sure I would want to put myself in that kind of position. I agree with one of the pp when they said "go with your gut"...

 

As for the swinger thing? I have no idea... !?!? (I'm pretty clueless about picking up on those kind of things though!)

 

:iagree:

[dragons in the flower bed]

Nevermind. Too scared of the bees.

Edited August 14, 2011 by dragons in the flower bed

[Heather in Neverland]

I'm just way too much of a prude to get into a hot tub with another couple whether they are swingers or not so I'd say no. :tongue_smilie:

[carlamom2ansnm]

My sister actually met her husband at a swingers party...however, she didn't realize it was a swingers party (no comment on if her future dh knew or not ;) ). Anyway, the point is, these people didn't just pounce and my sister was friends with them for a looonnnnggg time (long after this party) before she knew that they were swingers. They had a way of feeling people out beforehand. With that being said, I think you did a good thing by not going. Gut decisions are way too important in this day and age to completely ignore them. I would like to hear if you find out anymore details about them though ;)

[Tap]

1. Hot tubs, especially private ones gross me out! Who knows if they are properly cleaned or not and .....just.what.is.that.white.foamy.stuff...isn't a question I want to address.

 

2. I don't 'bathe' with others. LOL I know lots of people like them (dh included), it is just a person hang up of mine.

 

3. Unless you are willing to go in with nude hosts, you had better ask at least the "is your tub clothing optional?" question.

 

4. I would want to know people a little better before staying the weekend with them at their private home. Maybe you can say "we would like to drive up for lunch and then camp our way home". Then if you get there and you feel comfortable, you can stay. If not your have the gear to camp elsewhere.

 

5. If you want to go and still address the swingers question...."Since I don't know what size your cabin is, what can we expect for sleeping arrangements"? Do we need to bring our own bedding? That brings it up a smidge and you can follow the conversation where it leads.

 

6. A simple..."we really love sleeping outside. Is it okay if we bring our 2 man tent. Would there be a place we could stake it? We both really like to turn in early/sleep in....and that way we won't be in your way if our schedules conflict a bit." This helps to put the assumption out there that you expect to go to bed together and get up together.

 

 

ETA: you said sauna, I thought hot tub. I guess that is not usually so gross as you are not sharing the water. Still an unlikely activity for me though.

Edited August 14, 2011 by Tap, tap, tap

[JessReplanted]

I've had way to many experiences with 'crazy' people - I wouldn't ever go stay anywhere with other people unless I felt 100% safe and comfortable with them.

 

I would respond by saying something like "I appreciate the invitation, but we're not going to be able to get away any time soon."

[Julie Smith]

My sister actually met her husband at a swingers party...however, she didn't realize it was a swingers party (no comment on if her future dh knew or not ;) ). Anyway, the point is, these people didn't just pounce and my sister was friends with them for a looonnnnggg time (long after this party) before she knew that they were swingers.

 

That sounds like it could be a interesting story.

[Sahamamama]

He just said

 

"Let me get a closer look at that belly button ring"(not in any particular tone of voice, as in a curious voice, but there was an undertone) as he went to move closer, my DH stepped in

 

Then that's your answer (IMO). He made a move to step over a boundary that your husband and you were uncomfortable with him crossing. Your husband had to make him back down.

 

I'm trying to imagine my husband moving in to get a closer look at another woman's belly button....(in a non-medical situation). :confused: Nope, can't do it.

 

Question: Can you imagine your husband wanting to get a closer look at another woman's belly button? Leaning over her, breathing on her belly? While you were there? What would motivate that?

 

Go with your gut/vibe/initial protective response -- decline.

[Coffeetime]

Then that's your answer (IMO). He made a move to step over a boundary that your husband and you were uncomfortable with him crossing. Your husband had to make him back down.

 

I'm trying to imagine my husband moving in to get a closer look at another woman's belly button....(in a non-medical situation). :confused: Nope, can't do it.

 

Question: Can you imagine your husband wanting to get a closer look at another woman's belly button? Leaning over her, breathing on her belly? While you were there? What would motivate that?

 

 

I'm sorry, I am really not trying to be snarky to anyone or rude to the OP- but I don't understand this double standard women seem to have- and I see it often.

Bear with me.... if you decide to expose a part of your body to the world, and you pierce that part of your body-something obviously designed to draw attention, then why get all weird and act like if a man notices he's a creepy stalker? I mean, by choosing to wear clothing that exposes your belly button you are clearly stating that your belly button is no more a personal, private area than, say, your nose. Correct? So would you freak out if someone asked to look at your nose ring? I'm not judging anyone's choice of clothing. I have no problem with belly button rings and if my stomach hadn't recently born 5 children I would probably wear a more revealing swimsuit than I currently do :tongue_smilie: I just really, honestly don't get this. :001_huh:

[kalanamak]

I'm sorry, I am really not trying to be snarky to anyone or rude to the OP- but I don't understand this double standard women seem to have- and I see it often.

Bear with me.... if you decide to expose a part of your body to the world, and you pierce that part of your body-something obviously designed to draw attention, then why get all weird and act like if a man notices he's a creepy stalker?

 

:iagree: Not that I'm insulting the OP. I don't think she "freaked". And I don't think she was dressed like a sl&t,

 

I do remember biting my tongue many times over young women complaining that men only want one thing, and they have bright, dyed hair, a short, short skirt on, and make-up that would take the wind out of Tammy Faye Baker.

[Word Nerd]

DH and I decided there is no way we are going. I have to go by his gut feeling. I think it was really the belly button thing that finalized it.

 

We are going to politely decline.

 

It sure was interesting reading everyone's perspective on this though. :lol:

 

So this is where the story ends. I was kind of looking forward to hearing how you would word your request for more information. :)

[melissel]

I'm sorry, I am really not trying to be snarky to anyone or rude to the OP- but I don't understand this double standard women seem to have- and I see it often.

Bear with me.... if you decide to expose a part of your body to the world, and you pierce that part of your body-something obviously designed to draw attention, then why get all weird and act like if a man notices he's a creepy stalker? I mean, by choosing to wear clothing that exposes your belly button you are clearly stating that your belly button is no more a personal, private area than, say, your nose. Correct? So would you freak out if someone asked to look at your nose ring? I'm not judging anyone's choice of clothing. I have no problem with belly button rings and if my stomach hadn't recently born 5 children I would probably wear a more revealing swimsuit than I currently do :tongue_smilie: I just really, honestly don't get this. :001_huh:

 

I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion before. Just because you happen to have an unusual feature of your body doesn't give near-strangers carte blanche to cross your personal boundaries to get close to it. If you're wearing pretty earrings, do you think that you deserve strange men leaning in three inches from your face to get a closer look? If you're wearing lovely gloves, does that mean the lady across the room can come straight to you and take your hands from whatever you're doing and hold them and turn them and exclaim over them. Attractive body modifications--piercings, makeup, clothing, jewelry--don't excuse strangers from basic personal rights.

 

This might be an interesting thing to throw into the "Why don't some women take care of themselves" thread. We're just d@mned if we do and d@mned if we don't, aren't we? Too much makeup/jewelry? Attention-seeking. Not enough? Lazy and/or depressed.

[sparrow]

I'm pretty sure we've had this discussion before. Just because you happen to have an unusual feature of your body doesn't give near-strangers carte blanche to cross your personal boundaries to get close to it. If you're wearing pretty earrings, do you think that you deserve strange men leaning in three inches from your face to get a closer look? If you're wearing lovely gloves, does that mean the lady across the room can come straight to you and take your hands from whatever you're doing and hold them and turn them and exclaim over them. Attractive body modifications--piercings, makeup, clothing, jewelry--don't excuse strangers from basic personal rights.

 

This might be an interesting thing to throw into the "Why don't some women take care of themselves" thread. We're just d@mned if we do and d@mned if we don't, aren't we? Too much makeup/jewelry? Attention-seeking. Not enough? Lazy and/or depressed.

 

:iagree: Completely.

[Coffeetime]

:iagree: Not that I'm insulting the OP. I don't think she "freaked". And I don't think she was dressed like a sl&t,

 

 

I just wanted to make it clear that didn't think she was dressed inappropriately at all. ;)

 

I just think it's a leap to assume that he just REALLY wanted to look at her belly, and from there that they are swingers lol. For all she knows, he was just curious because he wanted his wife to get one, too. :tongue_smilie: And I guess I was just making a more general observation about the double standard because I see it so often.

 

That being said, I would have advised the OP to go with her gut reaction and if there was an uncomfortable feeling, to decline. :001_smile:

[kalanamak]

 

That being said, I would have advised the OP to go with her gut reaction and if there was an uncomfortable feeling, to decline. :001_smile:

 

Yes, and I understood you.

 

Perhaps it is generational. I'm over 50, and to me, having a belly ring showing to the public makes ME think of the wearer's pelvis/lower abdomen. I can imagine what it does to the average guy with the 7 year itch.

 

Perhaps to the younger generation, it is as ho-hum as a pinkie ring.

[melissel]

I just wanted to make it clear that didn't think she was dressed inappropriately at all. ;)

 

I just think it's a leap to assume that he just REALLY wanted to look at her belly, and from there that they are swingers lol. For all she knows, he was just curious because he wanted his wife to get one, too. :tongue_smilie: And I guess I was just making a more general observation about the double standard because I see it so often.

 

That being said, I would have advised the OP to go with her gut reaction and if there was an uncomfortable feeling, to decline. :001_smile:

 

OK, fair enough. Clearly I'm experiencing some PTSD about the other thread (and past ones) :lol: I see what you're saying. I agree it's a leap, but it was the first thing I thought of too! Also, IIRC, the OP has some extended family history that may have made her more liable to think in that direction.

[melissel]

Yes, and I understood you.

 

Perhaps it is generational. I'm over 50, and to me, having a belly ring showing to the public makes ME think of the wearer's pelvis/lower abdomen. I can imagine what it does to the average guy with the 7 year itch.

 

Perhaps to the younger generation, it is as ho-hum as a pinkie ring.

 

You are probably right. It means nothing whatsoever to me, the same way earrings or nose rings do (not? weird construction there...).

[sparrow]

OK, fair enough. Clearly I'm experiencing some PTSD about the other thread (and past ones) :lol: I see what you're saying. I agree it's a leap, but it was the first thing I thought of too! Also, IIRC, the OP has some extended family history that may have made her more liable to think in that direction.

 

I must be as well! It's such a slippery slope.

[Coffeetime]

OK, fair enough. Clearly I'm experiencing some PTSD about the other thread (and past ones) :lol:

 

I didn't even read the other threads... obviously I am missing out on something interesting, better get over there and read!! :lol:

[melissel]

I must be as well! It's such a slippery slope.

 

It is. And I think we're all a bit tetchy these past few days. I think this is the time of year when PS moms are saying, "I can't wait until they go back to schoooool!" I know I've had just about enough of summer's spontaneity and lack of routine :glare:

[Joanne]

I actually agree with you, OP, that there are clues in the story that might add up to "swinger."

 

I just don't happen to associate the word "gross" or attach judgment to the choice. Most people today who "swing" would identify as "in the lifestyle". Most people reading here probably know a couple who are in the lifestyle.

 

From what I know, the sub-culture isn't really evangelistic. :) They have clubs, groups, social groups, events, email lists, forums, meet-ups, campgrounds, and resorts to meet others who already share their perspective.

 

What *might* have happened is that if the cabin-owning couple are in the lifestyle, their level of "normal" or "mainstream" interaction might have gotten skewed. The belly-button-ring incident might seem within the realm of normal to them.

 

All that said, a simple, "Hey, we could be misreading this, but we are wondering if you are (swingers) (or, if you want to be more hip "in the lifestyle"). We aren't, so we wanted to be up front."

[staceyobu]

I'm sorry, I am really not trying to be snarky to anyone or rude to the OP- but I don't understand this double standard women seem to have- and I see it often.

Bear with me.... if you decide to expose a part of your body to the world, and you pierce that part of your body-something obviously designed to draw attention, then why get all weird and act like if a man notices he's a creepy stalker? I mean, by choosing to wear clothing that exposes your belly button you are clearly stating that your belly button is no more a personal, private area than, say, your nose. Correct? So would you freak out if someone asked to look at your nose ring? I'm not judging anyone's choice of clothing. I have no problem with belly button rings and if my stomach hadn't recently born 5 children I would probably wear a more revealing swimsuit than I currently do :tongue_smilie: I just really, honestly don't get this. :001_huh:

 

I think if a man who is not my husband got close to my face to look at a nose ring, I would be equally freaked out. I mean, lots of things are exposed to the world, but aren't necessarily meant for a close up look. I can't imagine DH even commenting on a girl's earrings.

[Coffeetime]

I think if a man who is not my husband got close to my face to look at a nose ring, I would be equally freaked out. I mean, lots of things are exposed to the world, but aren't necessarily meant for a close up look. I can't imagine DH even commenting on a girl's earrings.

 

For real? Wow, maybe I'm just strange, because that would totally not bother me at all.

[kalanamak]

 

All that said, a simple, "Hey, we could be misreading this, but we are wondering if you are (swingers) (or, if you want to be more hip "in the lifestyle"). We aren't, so we wanted to be up front."

 

Simple for some. I would be mortified to ask a non-swinger that.

 

I've been around the block a few times, and have never, to my knowledge known any swingers. I've never been asked. I hang out with eggheads.

[HeidiKC]

I've been around the block a few times, and have never, to my knowledge known any swingers. I've never been asked. I hang out with eggheads.

 

:lol:

 

Me too.

[Kertie]

How about: "Hey JimBob and PeggySue--are y'all swingers? How about ax murderers?"

 

At least you'd quickly know where they stand. If they are swingers or ax murderers and are inviting you up without letting you know, that's pretty presumptuous on their part. If they aren't, well, I'd just say "Didn't think so, but it never hurts to cover these things."

 

:smilielol5: Awesome.

[CAMom]

 

From what I know, the sub-culture isn't really evangelistic. :) They have clubs, groups, social groups, events, email lists, forums, meet-ups, campgrounds, and resorts to meet others who already share their perspective.

 

 

 

OP, what if you were at a swingers' campground and didn't know it?:lol:

[Tiramisu]

I've been around the block a few times, and have never, to my knowledge known any swingers. I've never been asked. I hang out with eggheads.

 

Me, too. Hooray for eggheads!!!

[joannqn]

Maybe they'll answer the cabin door naked. That'd be interesting.

 

Honestly, I can't imagine accepting an invitation like that from someone I've only known a few hours total. When I was younger, I might have, but I was a risk taker back then.

 

--JoAnn, who has been propositioned by a married couple when she was said younger risk taker (no I didn't join them)

[sparrow]

Simple for some. I would be mortified to ask a non-swinger that.

 

I've been around the block a few times, and have never, to my knowledge known any swingers. I've never been asked. I hang out with eggheads.

 

Me, too. Hooray for eggheads!!!

 

Me, three! Seriously, most of our friends we've had for more than 20 years. Many of them could be considered on the "fringe". I'm talking the artsy, poets, musicians, and tattoo artists with a penchant for sci fi and fantasy. These fine folks are all married geeks, like us, and not a swinger among 'em.

 

You may be on to something. Long live the eggheads!

[bcnlvr]

Most people "in the lifestyle" (ie swingers) have "chocolate" friends and "vanilla" friends. They keep them separate (mostly...if a host has ALL of his/her friends at the same party, the she/he may tell the chocolate friends that vanilla ones will be there, so no swinging, ie "act normal, please"). Unless you met them in a swinger situation (there is a vast network for swingers to meet other swingers), I wouldn't worry about that. Now going to a remote area with people you "barely know", now that is strange.....

[Lang Syne Boardie]

Most people "in the lifestyle" (ie swingers) have "chocolate" friends and "vanilla" friends. They keep them separate (mostly...if a host has ALL of his/her friends at the same party, the she/he may tell the chocolate friends that vanilla ones will be there, so no swinging, ie "act normal, please"). Unless you met them in a swinger situation (there is a vast network for swingers to meet other swingers), I wouldn't worry about that. Now going to a remote area with people you "barely know", now that is strange.....

 

Good to know! If morals and predilection didn't already prevent me from being a swinger, the organizational skills required would exclude me right off the bat.

 

There is no way I could keep my chocolates and vanillas straight. What about people who are as yet unsorted? Strawberry?

 

So an event where you have to invite everyone you know will, in the mind of a swinger, be a big ol' bowl of Neapolitan ice cream?

 

 

 

(*disclaimer: I am not making fun of swingers. Long may they swing. Just feeling silly...)

[bcnlvr]

Disclaimer: I only know these things as a friend of a friend of a friend who....:)

[PeacefulChaos]

The whole 'swingers' question put aside, personally I think in the times we live in you can't be too careful. If you only have had a few interactions with them, but perceive them to be people you may want to establish a friendship with, I think that's great. However, I think I would want to 'ease' into the friendship a bit more to get a better "lay of the land" so to speak, before heading off to a 40 acre retreat. That sounds pretty isolated to me. Maybe I've seen one to many horror movies, but unless I was really good friends with the couple I'm not sure I would want to put myself in that kind of position. I agree with one of the pp when they said "go with your gut"...

 

As for the swinger thing? I have no idea... !?!? (I'm pretty clueless about picking up on those kind of things though!)

 

:iagree:

[PeacefulChaos]

Yep, totally didn't read the rest of the thread before I posted that. Oh well...

On a side note, I don't think a tankini is in any way revealing. And I'm with the pp who said that having a nose ring/belly button ring/earrings/etc doesn't give anyone license to come within inches of them to look at them. It's just kind of weird...people have those things not to show them off, but because they want them for themselves (in my experience, anyway.)

Just sayin :D