Opposite gender siblings sharing a room..

[Anna Marie]

How old is too old?

 

Curious to hear everyone's opinion's we're moving the kid's around and I'm really not sure.

[simka2]

How old is too old?

 

Curious to hear everyone's opinion's we're moving the kid's around and I'm really not sure.

 

I am going to be moving my dd10 and ds6 in together in a few months. Honestly, I will be watching them for clues. Right now she is a sweet mother hen towards him and he could care less where he sleeps so long as his car collection goes with him ;).

 

Bathrooms are a totally different issue with her. :glare: She HATES sharing a bathroom with her brothers!!!

[Maus]

I shared a bedroom with my younger brother until I was 12, out of necessity (we lived in a two bedroom apartment.) I didn't mind until I hit puberty, though I created my own "privacy wall" a year or so before that. It didn't seem weird, or like a hardship until then.

[Diana B]

I shared with my brother until I was 11 and he was 9.

 

I'd say about puberty. I could see a teen girl sharing with a much younger (toddler/preK) brother. She might not like it, but I wouldn't think it was a big deal. I'm not sure the opposite (teen boy/little sister) would work quite the same way. Boys are just.... different as teens. :001_huh:

[LidiyaDawn]

I wouldn't put an age on it… I'd just go by "are they comfortable with this arrangement". :)

[Peela]

My dd was 12 when she finally got her own room, separate from her brother who is 17 months younger.

For her that was the beginning of obvious puberty.

[Pamela H in Texas]

I don't think there is any minor age child who is too old to share the room with any sibling. They'd just learn respect and manners to make it work. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

[hscherger]

My 10 year old son and 5 year old daughter share a room and probably will for another year or so. They still love it :D.

I plan to switch things up before my son turns 12.

[BamaTanya]

Our 10yo ds and 6 yo dd have shared a room since we moved into this house last year. Right now they are happy because they have more in common with each other than with the teens in the house.

Our ds has Asperger's Syndrome, however, and tends to be immature for his age. (Sometimes the 6 yo is the "leader" of the pair.)

Because he's older, we've decided to watch him for signs that the arrangement is bothering him. Our best option is to finish out a laundry room for one of the older brothers and to move 10yo in with the other teen brother.

We'll allow the boys to decide who will settle for a smaller space (laundry room) for the privacy . . .

[soonermomma]

:bigear: I'm definitely interested in hearing these answers. I have boy/girl twins that are 2 and I have wondered how long it will be appropriate for them to share a room. At this point they won't do ANYTHING without each other so I figured I have a while before I have to separate them.

[Impish]

Check laws/CPS guidelines in your area.

 

My home province, according to CAS (Children's Aid Services) opposite gender children were NOT allowed to share rooms, period. Same genders could, as long as there was less than 5 yrs age difference.

 

I know, insane, right?!

[KungFuPanda]

Check laws/CPS guidelines in your area.

 

My home province, according to CAS (Children's Aid Services) opposite gender children were NOT allowed to share rooms, period. Same genders could, as long as there was less than 5 yrs age difference.

 

I know, insane, right?!

 

I have never heard of this. That IS insane! Is it legal to have children if you only have a two bedroom house ????? I mean, what if you have a SECOND child. The horror!

[Haiku]

My kids are 9 and they share a room. As far as I'm concerned, they can share until my oldest (currently 17) moves out. It's a sleeping room. It's a changing room. They can give each other privacy to change, and they can give each other some privacy to be alone with their thoughts, as it were. I'll allow my kids to have alone time in my room if they need it. I'll not encourage the idea that a room of their own is a right (after all, *I* don't have my own room!), and we'll just work out issues if and when they come up.

 

Tara

[Tess in the Burbs]

Check laws/CPS guidelines in your area.

 

 

I agree. I didn't know opposite genders couldn't share a room either until a friend who had her ds/dd sharing had a neighbor threaten to call CPS about it. They quickly found another place with 3 bedrooms for fear this woman would cause trouble.

 

From my understanding it's more related to foster children than your own, but if CPS has to come out they do request to see bedrooms. Ask me how I know. :001_huh:

 

We were talking about it too this past week since we may have an opportunity coming up that would require them to share for a bit. I wouldn't want it long term, but we would if we had to.

 

But I agree puberty should probably the time to give them their own room.

[Amber in SJ]

My oldest is 10.5 years older than my youngest. Which means my 17yo dd shares a room with her 6yo little brother. They have always shared a room. Six people live in our tiny, three bedroom house, therefore, everyone shares a room with someone. It has not been a big deal. In fact my 6yo has a hard time sleeping when the 17yo is not home because, in his words;

 

"S- is like my guardian angel and I am safe when she is here."

 

I think having 'laws' about how many siblings can share a room is odd. How is that something to legislate? Here in CA there are rules about children sharing rooms if you are going to be part of the foster care system. I guess there are places where we could be in trouble for all our children because our 14yo dd shares with our 8 yo dd as well. They are grouped by compatible personalities not age.

 

Amber in SJ

[LidiyaDawn]

Check laws/CPS guidelines in your area.

 

My home province, according to CAS (Children's Aid Services) opposite gender children were NOT allowed to share rooms, period. Same genders could, as long as there was less than 5 yrs age difference.

 

I know, insane, right?!

 

So were they prepared to provide families with the extra money to rent a bigger place?

 

If they actually dared to remove kids because the family couldn't afford a bigger place - oh I'd love to see THAT hit the news.

 

[my grandmother comes from a family with fourteen kids…they grew up in a little two bedroom house in the country.]

[Anna Marie]

Check laws/CPS guidelines in your area.

 

My home province, according to CAS (Children's Aid Services) opposite gender children were NOT allowed to share rooms, period. Same genders could, as long as there was less than 5 yrs age difference.

 

I know, insane, right?!

 

That's insane! I checked it and there are no law's against it in my state.

[JulieH]

My 9 year old son and 7 year old daughter shared a room until YESTERDAY! :) I also have a 19 year old daughter and she had her own room. We moved her up with the 7 year old and my boy now has his own room. My older girl will be in college anyway so only here when she is home on breaks.

 

I really just felt it was time and they needed to be separated. It wasn't a gender thing really, but my ds has a really tough time falling asleep and lots of anxieties. He loves classical music so now I can leave the classical music on in his room all day and for him to fall asleep to.

 

He is so happy. We've been working our butts off here moving everything around.

 

This was all my dd 19's idea and she's done an awesome job. I'm so proud of her!

[JulieH]

That's insane! I checked it and there are no law's against it in my state.

 

that is insane! How dare government try to impose such a ridiculous "law" on a family. errrrr That just makes me mad!:mad:

[Pamela H in Texas]

The only law regarding gender here is for foster kids. Up til age 6, opposite gender kids can share rooms. However, CPS and our agency didn't care if my teenagers shared (which they aren't, but it was suggested because they wouldn't let a foster kid in our dd's room so to allow us to have more children.....).

 

Anyway, my husband and his brother and sister all shared a room in their teens. When we were traveling, we were all in the same room in hotels and in the one apt my kids shared a room. I can't imagine why it would matter generally speaking.

[5LittleMonkeys]

Dd8 and ds5 and dd2 all share a room right now so that MIL could have a room.:glare: Granted dd2 is only in there to sleep at night. Actually, other than sleeping, ds5 only goes in there occasionally to play on the computer as we converted the garage into a play area and all of his toys are out there. They will share until it becomes an issue and then I suppose all 4 of my girls will have to share so he can have his own room. I don't know how people with large families can prevent dc from sharing rooms. There is no way we could ever afford to purchase a house with 7 bedrooms.

 

Well, all of that sounds like me just whining about my situation.:tongue_smilie: In answer to the OP's question. I think it depends on their personalities, how much time they are actually in the room, if there are other areas of the house they can go for quiet and privacy, and the age difference. I don't think, if it is absolutely necessary, that it would be unthinkable to place a 13 year old girl with a 3 or 4 year old boy.

[happypamama]

I think it would be up to the kids. They can give each other privacy for changing, yes, but I can remember periods being kind of a mess at night and stuff when I was a teen, and I wouldn't have wanted to have a brother in the room for that. I can imagine it would be the same for similar things for teenage boys. So, puberty as a general guideline, I would think, but it also may depend on the kid -- some are less modest or self-conscious than others, and some are moreso.

[foxbridgeacademy]

DS 10 and DD 8 have always "shared" a room even though we've usually had a 2nd room for them. It is only recently that DD has been making noises to start sleeping in her own room. Mostly because she likes to listen to music and watch shows that her brother hates. We are in the process of buying new furniture this next week or so so that they can each have their own space. Honestly though if need be I could see them sharing for another 2 years or so. DS is very easy going and accepting of most anything.

[chepyl]

My kids (DS5 and DD3) share a room. We plan to give our son his own room when we have another baby. Then the baby and DD will share a room.

 

Here, there are regulations about number of kids in rooms and opposite gender in one room for foster children. And when we looked at apartments for a possible short term living situation, they said they would not rent us a 1 bedroom because we had two kids (it would have been for a few months). They told us it was illegal to have more than 3 people in a one bedroom :confused: The kids were 1 and 3 at the time.

[Lady Florida.]

My brother and I shared a room until I was 13 and he was 8. Even then, the only reason we got our own room was because we moved and the house we moved to happened to have 3 bedrooms. The house wasn't chosen because it had 3 bedrooms, and I'm sure if we hadn't moved or couldn't get a 3 bedroom house, he and I would have shared a room for longer.

 

I didn't like it but there wasn't anything I could do about it. My mom was good about trying to help me create my corner of the room and personalize it. He was still young enough to not care, but I needed some space of my own.

 

I don't think there's an age where it should end. If the house is big enough to give kids their own rooms, great. If not, they can share rooms.

[Snickerdoodle]

I think it's more common than people imagine in the urban areas.

[TravelingChris]

We only did this for a short while with our then 6 year old son and his 2 year old sister. It was out of necessity for a short time (about 3 months). In our case, we just didn't like it- for one thing, having a toddler with a second grader didn't work well. My two girls shared a room for 8 years- after the first few years, that wasn;t an ideal situation either. I have really, really liked having those two separated these last five years. I think that outside of fostering kids, some of the worse problems come from incompatible children whether from the same gender or not. They can be incompatible in age, behavior, sleeping patterns, etc, etc.

[mama2cntrykids]

I shared with my brother until I was 11 and he was 9.

 

I'd say about puberty. I could see a teen girl sharing with a much younger (toddler/preK) brother. She might not like it, but I wouldn't think it was a big deal. I'm not sure the opposite (teen boy/little sister) would work quite the same way. Boys are just.... different as teens. :001_huh:

:iagree:

I wouldn't put an age on it… I'd just go by "are they comfortable with this arrangement". :)

:iagree:with this too, but I think most kids wouldn't be comfortable with it anymore once they hit puberty.

[Rebookie]

If I had the dilemma of two opposite sexed kids I would do (if around the same age =9) and if I had two that were age gaped I would arrange it as the girl would be older and boy younger.

 

Good luck!

[lauraeden]

I think 11 or 12 OR until the girl started puberty (menstruation or breast development).

[5LittleMonkeys]

I'm curious; what terms I would google to find out if there are laws, similar to the ones you all have mentioned, in my state?

[butterflymommy]

My 14 y.o. DS and 12 y.o. DD have shared a room all their life. I want to set up some kind of privacy screen or divider for them but am not sure what to do (it's actually a large enough room to divide into two rooms). They both love the room and neither is willing to leave. We have empty bedrooms in the house so it's kind of silly that they are still together. However my son is very anti-social so sometimes I think it would be a bad idea to let him have his own room. I have had people telling me to separate them for about 5 years now.

[HollyB]

I don't think there is any minor age child who is too old to share the room with any sibling. They'd just learn respect and manners to make it work. I wouldn't worry about it at all.

 

:iagree: My husband shared a room with his brother and sister until they were all teenagers. He said it was easier as they grew older because they did not need the room to play, just to sleep and change. He never thought it was a big deal.

[vettechmomof2]

My children have shared a room since after the flood and we got this house.

They will probably share for many years yet as we only have 2 usable bedrooms. However there is a divider wall in the room so there is a semblence of seperation.

[Runningmom80]

I plan on keeping my twins together until at least 6 or 7.

[mamato4girls]

I am so glad you asked this, I have a 5 yr old girl who will be sharing with the new baby (a boy).

[Pamela H in Texas]

One more thought:

 

I would think AGE would be a bigger deciding factor. I can more readily see a 16yr old and 14yr old brother and sister sharing than I can see a 14 yr old sharing with a 4yr old (gender not mattering). Of course, if it were necessary, than do the latter, but...

 

My daughter asked if the state rules would still apply if we get the sibling group (2 girls and a boy) we inquired about. She said she'd be fine with sharing her room with the 10yr old girl(state won't let her share with anyone currently...until adoption is finalized).

 

So maybe she wouldn't agree with me on the above :)

[Lady Florida.]

I'm curious. How did you handle it with the older ones? I noticed your adult children are mixed gender, and the oldest teens are also mixed. Was the house you lived in different when they were growing up?

[ocelotmom]

I consider it time when one wants a separate room for privacy reasons, as opposed to not wanting to share toys or something like that.

 

My DS (8) and DD1 (nearly 5) share a room, and I haven't seen anything that makes me think it's an issue. I hope to get DS moved to his own room sometime in the not-to-distant future, and get DD1 and DD2 "sharing" - DD2 will probably still be in our room for nights for the next year or two, but I don't want DD1 to get too used to having her own room since they'll have to share at some point unless we add another bedroom.

[unsinkable]

I'm curious. How did you handle it with the older ones? I noticed your adult children are mixed gender, and the oldest teens are also mixed. Was the house you lived in different when they were growing up?

 

Yeah, with 17 kids there must have been quite a bit of adjusting bedrooms and roommates thru the years.

 

What have you tried in the past that has worked or didn't work?

[Anna Marie]

I'm curious. How did you handle it with the older ones? I noticed your adult children are mixed gender, and the oldest teens are also mixed. Was the house you lived in different when they were growing up?

 

We've lived in a 4 bedroom house for awhile, Toddler's we're in one room, Boy's we're in one room & Girl's we're in the other.

 

Matthew,William & Ethan basically always shared a room.

Then there's the whole jumble of girls (Grace, Bridget, Hannah, Mallory, Nikki, Mia, Maggie) that really change/ed room's around alot, they never really had a set room.

Gabe, Zack & Christian always share/ed a room.

 

The oldest 2 we're moved out by the time Dylan was moving out of our room.

 

It hasn't been to hard because most of them have someone close to their age that's their same gender. I was mostly pertaining to Charlotte she's suppose to sleep in the same room with Maggie but never does, she always end's up in the Twins & Christian's room.

[HSMother]

I'd say puberty is a good cut off.

 

Michelle

[Anna Marie]

Yeah, with 17 kids there must have been quite a bit of adjusting bedrooms and roommates thru the years.

 

What have you tried in the past that has worked or didn't work?

 

I found something out rather quickly, it's not about who's closest in age it's about their personalities & who get's along.

 

I tried to have Charlotte share a room with Maggie, big mistake! Charlotte is a Energetic, Bug catching,Tree climbing, Tomboy & Maggie is a "Book loving Diva" no one want's to see her when you interrupt her reading a book! :tongue_smilie:

 

Charlotte end's up in the Twin's & Christian's room every night, they have similar personalities & it's so cute because her big brothers protect her from "The scary monster in the closet" :):tongue_smilie:

[Sugarfoot]

My 14 y.o. DS and 12 y.o. DD have shared a room all their life. I want to set up some kind of privacy screen or divider for them but am not sure what to do (it's actually a large enough room to divide into two rooms). They both love the room and neither is willing to leave. We have empty bedrooms in the house so it's kind of silly that they are still together. However my son is very anti-social so sometimes I think it would be a bad idea to let him have his own room. I have had people telling me to separate them for about 5 years now.

 

My brother and I shared a room for many years out of necessity. We divided it down the center about 2/3 of the way and left the end open. We did it by having our chests of drawers side by side, but facing each person's bed, so for example, on one side would be a bed on one wall, with a small light sconce attached to the wall and a small nightstand, or shelf on the wall if floorspace is at a premium, for a clock/book, etc, and a chest of drawers for clothing, etc. Next to that would be the back of the sibling's chest of drawers, which we painted decoratively and also used as a personal bulletin board. You could use chalkboard paint now, or do any number of creative things. We had very limited financial resources.

 

The room ended up being divided a little past the length of our beds. We each had a personal trunk/chest at the foot of our beds, and it was divided just to the end of those. The rest of the room was communal, for playing, reading, whatever. We shared the closet by splitting it down the middle. It worked just fine for years and years.

 

I've seen lots of creative ideas with curtains on rod systems that can be pulled back or moved according to what's going on in the room at any given time. Some of them are quite beautiful. Our system was more permanent than that.;)

[Photo Ninja]

I don't think there is anything inherently wrong with a brother and sister sharing a bedroom, but I don't think it is ideal if there is any other reasonable option.

 

I shared a bedroom with my brother (2 years younger than me) all the years I lived at home. I didn't always like it when I was young, but I don't think I thought much about it until I was about 11 yo. From then on I hated it. Passionately hated it. But we had no choice because I lived in a 2 bedroom/1 bath house and there was no other bedroom as an option. We had a sort of divider about halfway down the center of the room, but it didn't go to the ceiling because the ceiling light was there. It allowed for a sort of visual privacy, but not enough to be private at all.

 

I moved out as soon as I could afford it, into a dorm where I was thrilled beyond measure to share a dorm room with a girl. I moved out 1.5 years after I graduated from high school. Yup, I was in college, sharing a bedroom with my high school brother. It was awful and I would not make my dc do it. I think once the oldest is 11 yo or so, or puberty comes, they should have their separate spaces. I am fine with multiple boys sharing a bedroom, or multiple girls, but not mixed after about age 11 or so unless there are extreme circumstances that require it or it is for a short period of time for a specific reason and the young people agree.

[Anna Marie]

This will no longer be a problem since we're moving to a 10 bedroom house :party: