Baby holders

[Murphy101]

It occurs to me that we are baby holders.

There are literally hundreds of baby holding devices and gadgets on the market and we don't really use or even own any of them.

 

Yet Levi has not once since birth not been held. Well. Except for diaper changes.

 

If I need to go potty, dh or dc hold him.

 

Other than that, he is held.

Held while he nurses.

Held while he sleeps.

Held while he stares about with those wide open eyes.

Held while we eat.

Held while I goof on ipad/iPhone. ;)

 

The only time he has not been held in the 5 days since his birth has been for diaper changes and hospital evaluations.

 

We are very content this way.

 

Curious to know if others are this way or if others prefer to put them down.

I had a friend comment tonight that this would drive her insane.

 

Dozed off twice while typing. Time to put phone away.

[gardening momma]

I don't have a problem with it, except that as they get older, when you want to put them down, they can't stand it. Or first time parents (thinking of a couple I know) who, between them and grandma, always hold the baby and don't let anyone else hold her. So when auntie wants to hold her, the baby whimpers a bit and she's snatched away from auntie. :glare:

[Aquinas Academy]

I completely agree; I love holding my babies. :)

[EthiopianFood]

I WANTED to put dd down, but she would instantly start crying. :glare: I do believe we did her a huge developmental favor in carrying her around, rather than having her lay in a car seat or sit in another type of holder. I hope to do the same if we are fortunate enough to have more, although I also hope to be able to put them down SOMETIMES! :tongue_smilie:

[Sara in AZ]

I definitely prefer to hold my babies. I refused to even put this last one in a sling until she was a week old because I knew having her in the sling would make it too easy to start doing things again and distract me from her. Fast forward and she's now a 19 pound 5 month old. I put her down whenever I can, now. ;-)

[gardening momma]

I WANTED to put dd down, but she would instantly start crying. :glare: I do believe we did her a huge developmental favor in carrying her around, rather than having her lay in a car seat or sit in another type of holder. I hope to do the same if we are fortunate enough to have more, although I also hope to be able to put them down SOMETIMES! :tongue_smilie:

I had this problem with dd7 when she was a newborn. I loved holding her, but I couldn't put her down when I needed to without her crying. So I started "training" her, I suppose. After a diaper change, I'd count to 5 before picking her up (she'd cry). 5 seconds--that's all. I'd do this each time. If she didn't start crying right away, I'd wait until she did (not a long wait), and then I'd count to 5. I gradually extended my count to 10, 15, 30 seconds, etc. until I was able to lay her on a blanket or something while I got some dishes or something done.

[GWOB]

I held mine constantly. They were cute and they smelled heavenly. How could I put them down? Now I did splurge and buy a Baby Bjorn with my last one. Funny how much more one can accomplish with two hands. That one lived in the Mei Tai. I have the back muscles to prove it. Did you know that you can bowl quite well with an 18-month-old in a Mei Tai?

 

You held Levi for the first 9 months of his life. Why would you put him down now?

[RainySunday]

We are definitely holders too and we love it. We are also the ones who don't share our babies well and will take them back from someone else if baby starts to fuss. If our kiddos don't want to be held by someone else, we don't force them. It drove some of our family nuts the 1st go round and they swore up and down we were ruining her and she would be so dependent/clingy/etc as an older...well, she is the most friendly, outgoing 3.5 yr old ever. We did/are doing the same thing with our second (a ds) and fewer made a deal about it, since we had "proof" it worked before. Same thing, he didn't like to be held by others as a baby, now at 14 mos, will reach for others, cruises around on his own and is so happy and well-adjusted. It may not work for everyone/every kid, but for ours, following their lead when they are babies seems to help them to be confident, happy toddlers/preschoolers/etc.

 

Enjoy your baby!

[gardening momma]

We are definitely holders too and we love it. We are also the ones who don't share our babies well and will take them back from someone else if baby starts to fuss. If our kiddos don't want to be held by someone else, we don't force them. It drove some of our family nuts the 1st go round and they swore up and down we were ruining her and she would be so dependent/clingy/etc as an older...well, she is the most friendly, outgoing 3.5 yr old ever

The only thing is that I feel very sad that I've missed the chance to hold my niece when she was a baby. She's 2 now and is not affectionate toward me at all. I live just 20 min. away.

[EthiopianFood]

I had this problem with dd7 when she was a newborn. I loved holding her, but I couldn't put her down when I needed to without her crying. So I started "training" her, I suppose. After a diaper change, I'd count to 5 before picking her up (she'd cry). 5 seconds--that's all. I'd do this each time. If she didn't start crying right away, I'd wait until she did (not a long wait), and then I'd count to 5. I gradually extended my count to 10, 15, 30 seconds, etc. until I was able to lay her on a blanket or something while I got some dishes or something done.

 

I am absolutely going to keep this in mind. I nearly went crazy. The day I realized she would be content a couple minutes in front of the fish tank was huge. I can clearly remember how awesome it felt to just sit on the couch, her looking at the fish, NOT crying. :tongue_smilie:

[LittleIzumi]

Here is my baby holder. :D

 

At 8 months I can finally put him down for naps without an issue. That was a bit stressful but he would flip. out. if he wasn't being held by me. Like, even his daddy couldn't hold him without a meltdown. Or his grandparents. He was terrified of everyone else. He's much happier now. Object permanence has set in :D and he knows I'm still here even if he's elsewhere.

[mamachanse]

I wear mine almost all day long. Then snuggle up to him at bedtime. :001_smile:

[CountryGirlShake]

It occurs to me that we are baby holders.

There are literally hundreds of baby holding devices and gadgets on the market and we don't really use or even own any of them.

 

Yet Levi has not once since birth not been held. Well. Except for diaper changes.

 

If I need to go potty, dh or dc hold him.

 

Other than that, he is held.

Held while he nurses.

Held while he sleeps.

Held while he stares about with those wide open eyes.

Held while we eat.

Held while I goof on ipad/iPhone. ;)

 

The only time he has not been held in the 5 days since his birth has been for diaper changes and hospital evaluations.

 

We are very content this way.

 

Curious to know if others are this way or if others prefer to put them down.

I had a friend comment tonight that this would drive her insane.

 

Dozed off twice while typing. Time to put phone away.

 

We did the same thing. Only used the infant seat for car rides. Never used a paci. either.... no thumb sucking to remedy later, etc.

[FrogMom5]

We hold. I did have a baby sling w/my last one because I had to do things with or for the boys. Still, she was held most of the time.

 

I loved holding my babies. I think it made them more independent as they got older too. As preschoolers, they had no problems separating from me to stay with a friend or relative. As inconvenient as it is for mama, I think it's good for them to be held.

Denise

[Carrie12345]

I guess I'd have to say I'm a holder, but #5 pretty much screamed through his first 2.5 months. By the time we figured out what was wrong and "fixed" him, I was SO ready to put. him. down!!!

 

Now, at 6 months old, he spends a lot of time on the floor. I'm over-anxious about any potential developmental delays, so I don't want to skew milestones by not giving him the chance to try things out. (With #2-4, I really didn't care about that sort of thing.)

[BlsdMama]

 

We are very content this way.

 

Curious to know if others are this way or if others prefer to put them down.

I had a friend comment tonight that this would drive her insane.

 

 

 

Ask yourself which is more natural - to put down an infant or to hold it. Human babies are incredibly vulnerable for a very long time. It never ceases to amaze me that if we were talking about an animal who didn't respond to a baby's cries, feed on demand, etc., we'd question their parenting abilities. :D

 

I've had two high need / high touch infants. They truly NEEDED a lot of skin to skin contact. I feel, to this day, the reason they have grown into such content, easy children is because we fulfilled those infant needs. One is now 9.5 and the other just turned 3.

[Pamela H in Texas]

We hold our baby a LOT; but I appreciate our swing and tummy time. I think there are benefits to a little of those also!

[ktgrok]

We are holders too. Eventually we move to a few minutes in the bouncy seat, a few minutes in the swing, etc...but that's it. Actually, that's not true. This one liked to sleep in her own bed, so not held then, but that was after she was about a week old. Before that held for sleep too i think. The older one coslept, this one hated cosleeping.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

This is one of those things I wish I could go back and change. Ds hated being held! He needed the swing or carseat. My wish is that I would have know about/read the Out of Sync Child before he was born, or even Stanley Greenspan's Challenging Child. I thought ds hated me, but looking back I know that I just didn't hold him right.

 

I do think there are way too many products to occupy babies. Like swings with remote controls (which is fine by me if you use one, but the person *I* know with one is just too lazy to get up and care for baby).

Edited June 18, 2011 by amo_mea_filiis
spelling

[Murphy101]

The only thing is that I feel very sad that I've missed the chance to hold my niece when she was a baby. She's 2 now and is not affectionate toward me at all. I live just 20 min. away.

 

Of all my babies so far, one was like that. She saw my very good friends at least several times a week and was still 2.5 before she was willing to sit in one of their laps. Is was a big deal. We took a picture.:D It really had nothing to do with holding as a baby. In fact, the one friend who pushed it - she still will not voluntarily go anywhere near her. This baby also happens to be my most cuddly.

 

Try not to take it personal.:grouphug:

 

I am absolutely going to keep this in mind. I nearly went crazy. The day I realized she would be content a couple minutes in front of the fish tank was huge. I can clearly remember how awesome it felt to just sit on the couch, her looking at the fish, NOT crying. :tongue_smilie:

 

:lol: My dh remembers a moment like that with our oldest. Only it was watching basketball on tv. D was about 6 months old and fussing and dh was trying to distract himself by flipping tv channels when he noticed that ds would settle each time he stopped surfing to see the various basketball scores. Dh was thrilled. Put son on a blanket on the floor in front of a basketball game and the boy was quiet except to cheer the teams on. Dh was able to do dishes, laundry, even eat!:tongue_smilie:

 

We don't let our babies cry either. Neither of us can stand the sound of a crying baby.

 

The constant holding phase doesn't usually last long here. Most of my kids are very independent. Once they can roll or crawl, they are off the lap and racing about exploring. Some continue to be cuddly, but most of them only want to return for nursing and nap. I both love and hate that time. :)

[AvasMom]

We are baby holders in our family too. It's shocking to me how many expensive contraptions we have in our culture whose sole function is to keep you from having to hold your baby. Swings, bouncies, 20 bazillion dollar strollers, plastic baby buckets that are supposed to be car seats, etc, etc, etc. My sister-in-law and I are both baby holders and we've gotten quite a bit of flack from it at times. I think we live in an odd culture when it's weird to hold your baby and normal to spend a fortune on things so you don't have to hold the baby. lol!

[AvasMom]

We hold. I did have a baby sling w/my last one because I had to do things with or for the boys. Still, she was held most of the time.

 

I loved holding my babies. I think it made them more independent as they got older too. As preschoolers, they had no problems separating from me to stay with a friend or relative. As inconvenient as it is for mama, I think it's good for them to be held.

Denise

 

Do you not consider a baby carrier still holding the baby? Just want to make sure we're all defining terms the same way here. lol! We used a sling for our kids and they were in it constantly. That's still holding your baby. Putting them down or in a swing or whatever isn't holding (obviously...lol!).

[Murphy101]

Do you not consider a baby carrier still holding the baby? Just want to make sure we're all defining terms the same way here. lol! We used a sling for our kids and they were in it constantly. That's still holding your baby. Putting them down or in a swing or whatever isn't holding (obviously...lol!).

 

I would, but don't have any slings. I have a terrible back and just can't use them. Also, we nurse on demand and I have never seen a sling/carrier that you can nurse in. I'd go nuts taking the thing on and off every time I needed to nurse.

[AvasMom]

I would, but don't have any slings. I have a terrible back and just can't use them. Also, we nurse on demand and I have never seen a sling/carrier that you can nurse in. I'd go nuts taking the thing on and off every time I needed to nurse.

 

You can nurse in all of them. :) Is there someone who can show you how that lives nearby? With the sling I just loosened the ring and laid the baby to the side and nursed. I'm not sure how you nurse in other carriers but I bet some of the moms here who use them can tell you how. A mei tai would probably be better for your back (or a Baby Bjorn) because they distribute the weight much better than a sling.

Edited June 18, 2011 by tjlufkin
Hideous typos...friends don't let friends talk and type at the same time!

[Recovering Sociopath]

You can definitely nurse in a ring sling or a wrap. It takes practice, but it can be done. If you go to the boards at thebabywearer.com you can find tons of tutorials and helpful advice.

 

I didn't clue in to babywearing until my oldest was 8 months old. He was definitely my fussiest child. DS2 and DD were worn in a sling or wrap or mei tai from birth, and they were SO much happier and relaxed. Having my hands free is a big bonus! Everybody has different ways to cope, but my imagination fails me when I try to imagine our lives without babywearing. DD is 11 months old and she has ridden in a stroller twice in her life. It's just so much easier (and less expensive!) not to have all this heavy equipment to lug around with her, you know?

 

To be clear, I totally count babywearing as holding the baby. :)

[Punchie]

We're baby holders too. I spent tons of time just sitting in the rocking chair holding my girls when they were new. I'd wear them if I had to get things done around the house. Both of them slept in their swing as the constant movement was the only way to keep them asleep. We didn't start co-sleeping w/ODD until she was 18 mos old, and that was by accident. We tried co-sleeping w/YDD right off the bat, but she did not like it at all.

 

I don't think it made them clingy. Both are very independent. I think holding/snuggling them all the time made them feel safe and secure - go explore, come back get a snuggle from mommy, go back and explore some more, life is good.

[Whereneverever]

Baby holders, here, too. My current baby is 15 months old and he still loves being held- although much less then he used to.

[VeganCupcake]

I love holding my babies. I don't usually hold him while sleeping, though--whenever possible, I prefer to lie next to him with him nestled in under my arm.

 

But I love babywearing, too, when I have to have use of my arms.

[happypamama]

If you can hold the baby in your arms, chances are high that there is a carrier of some type that would work for your back. Is there a local babywearing group near you? You might ask for some help at thebabywearer.com, but a wrap or mei tai would probably be a good option for you.

 

I'm a baby-holder too. They're just too sweet to put down! When I give them to DH to hold so I can shower or something, I miss them. Our house doesn't have the usual baby gear all over the place; last time, I just had the carseat for when I needed to shower, but even still, half the time, my then 6yo would hold/wear the baby (I helped her get him tucked in the mei tai properly first). This time, the big kids are telling me that I'll only get to hold the baby when I'm feeding him/her, LOL. ;) I do use my slings, wraps, and mei tai a ton though, because after the first several weeks, I do need my hands at least slightly more free for the housework. (As for nursing in a carrier, I *can* but generally prefer not to at home; most of the time, the baby will need to be taken potty/changed anyway, so I just pop him/her out of the carrier, feed/change/potty, and back in the carrier. Doesn't take long.)

[justamouse]

I'm a holder. And then, when they're bigger, I'm a slinger. But when they nap, I put them down.

 

20 years ago I bought a New Native baby sling, no ring, and I kept it throughout all of them and made myself all different colors. I could nurse in them, but not standing up.

[linguistmama]

I hold my babies a ton too. With dd2 we used a convertible carseat from birth since we didn't want to take it out of the car to hold the baby. I'll be buying a cheap swing for this baby while I take a shower since both of the other girls have really liked motion. I couldn't live without my baby carriers because I like to be up and doing things once I feel up to it.

[WistfulRidge]

 

You held Levi for the first 9 months of his life. Why would you put him down now?

 

:iagree:

 

They're precious with their fresh-from-heaven smell and perfectly sized for constant snuggling. I'm of the "get in every single second of snuggle time before they get big and have other interests" mind. Just last night DH was remarking that he can't wait for baby to be here... he wants to be able to just tuck him/her under his chin and take a deep breath. Apparently women aren't the only ones who think that the new baby smell is absolutely intoxicating :001_wub: (Maybe this isn't news to anyone else, but I've never heard anyone but a woman comment on the love of the "new baby smell" until my DH mentioned how much he was looking forward to it last night.)

 

We even invested in some wraps and mei tais for this little one just to make sure we could get in the level of snuggling that we wanted while chasing after a toddler.

Edited June 18, 2011 by theAmbitiousHousewife

[ChristusG]

We are most definitely baby holders. I believe that a baby cannot be held too much or given too many snuggles. I'm totally an "attached parent." I even hold my babies in their sleep, all night long. :D

[gardening momma]

Of all my babies so far, one was like that. She saw my very good friends at least several times a week and was still 2.5 before she was willing to sit in one of their laps. Is was a big deal. We took a picture.:D It really had nothing to do with holding as a baby. In fact, the one friend who pushed it - she still will not voluntarily go anywhere near her. This baby also happens to be my most cuddly.

 

Try not to take it personal.:grouphug:

The personal thing is that I was not allowed to hold her. I was actually allowed to hold her twice--for maybe 3 seconds, before she was taken away from me. That's hurtful.

[dirty ethel rackham]

Oh, I am a baby holder. Any devices or gadgets we purchased were to assist me in the baby holding. I learned early on that I do not have the temperament to put a baby down and let them fuss. I love their smell, sounds, cuddles, etc. I was always admonished by family for holding my babies too much, that I was stifling them. But I never regretted a minute of it. They have turned out great.

[Mynyel]

I loved holding mine too... my ds3 I had a Moby Wrap for and LOVED it. I with I had another baby just to wear my baby! I'd still wear him from time to time if he was almost 38 pounds :)

[Ann@thebeach]

A Held Baby is a Happy Baby :001_smile:

 

All mine have been held as much as possible too. With my last 2 I discovered baby carriers and they were carried even more. I think pouches and APLX carriers are the best inventions EVER!

 

There was a study done a few years ago about babies being left in car seats for 8hrs+ a day! I found this terribly sad. That's why we always have used a convertible car seat so there is no risk of complacency and using the "baby bucket" too much.

[AvasMom]

The baby bucket obsession baffles me completely. It is SO much heavier and more combursome to lug around that big thing than to just carry the darn baby in a carrier already. Why do people put themselves through that? I have no idea. You can tell fairly quickly who those babies are that are in the bucket all the time just by looking at their head shape. Sad.

[Dawn in OH]

With my first baby, I never wanted to put him down. I let him sleep in my arms. I couldn't let go of him. I was so happy to finally have a baby!

 

Since my first two children were fairly close in age, 16 months, I had to put the second baby down more often. She was a sleeper though, so it was okay. She didn't mind sleeping on her own.

 

My third child was the one that never wanted to be put down. He would only sleep in my arms or on my chest. Any time I put him down, anywhere, he howled mercilessly. It made showering and eating difficult. Dad could hold him only if I could not be seen.

 

The fourth baby likes to be held when he's awake. He was also a very good sleeper until he was six months old. He was content to sleep alone, and often, from the day he was born.

 

I love holding the babies. They are only little for so long. I wish I had owned a Moby wrap with the first three children. That thing is wonderful. My youngest and I are giving our Moby quite a work out.

[T'smom]

I've held my babies a LOT. But we did/do own a bouncy seat, swing, exersaucer, etc. Occasionally dh likes to have dinner cooked and I have to use the restroom. I also own a 'baby bucket'. We live where it is freezing cold in the winter. It's MUCH better IMNSHO to bundle baby up in the nice warm house and not take the baby out until they're in the next nice warm place (store, church, etc). Especially since they're not supposed to wear coats in the car seat. During the summer, I leave the car seat in the car. I also think it's important to note that I DO NOT let my babies cry. They have loved all the contraptions.

[Tarreymere]

I have always been a babyholder. I co-slept with all of them. I have used slings and backpacks and different things like that in the house so I can hold them while I do my chores and cook. We never used a swing or a bouncy seat, but we did use the exersaucer a bit when they were a little older, mostly because the baby liked it. I always carried them outside too, until they got really heavy (we like hiking and whatnot) then we used a stroller for the ones that could walk but not for very long.

 

I have never understood the 'pod baby' thing either.

[vonfirmath]

The baby bucket obsession baffles me completely. It is SO much heavier and more combursome to lug around that big thing than to just carry the darn baby in a carrier already. Why do people put themselves through that? I have no idea. You can tell fairly quickly who those babies are that are in the bucket all the time just by looking at their head shape. Sad.

 

You might think you can -- but you would be wrong. One of my friends is the biggest baby holder I know, but her baby's head still got the flat shape.

 

I DO use the infant seat and other items, and my baby's head never had a problem.

[Momma2Many66]

I was like this with all 6 of my babies, I don't think their feet ever touched the ground until they were at least 9 months. LOL !

 

When they weren't in my arms, they were in my then teen daughter's arms or my husband's arms or in my sling.

 

I also co-slept with all my babies until the naturally weaned (around 2 years old) when I was pregnant with their next sibling in line and then they moved into a toddler bed that was placed right beside our big bed.

 

I think it is wonderful !

 

My daughter grew up (now 23 and married) and just had my first grandchild and she is the exact same way with her new baby, she loves to hold, cuddle, nurse and co-sleep with her all the time. She and her husband hold the baby non-stop and the baby rarely ever cries and is such a sweet and peaceful baby.

 

My daughter said that she always admired watching me with how I raised all of my children and the fact that I held, cuddled and nursed them all the time and how content and secure they all are and have very little behavior problems and she wanted the same for her baby.

 

I think it is a wonderful compliment when your child decides to follow in your footsteps because they think you did an awesome job raising them and their brother's and sisters. It makes me so proud !

 

She even plans to homeschool all her children, just like dear ole' mom :001_smile:

Edited July 19, 2011 by Momma2Many66

[LibraryLover]

I could never have survived without my baby wraps and such! So I absolutely did use baby holders, espeically with my youngest as I had 3 other young children who also needed holding. It was great to have my hands free. It is sort of interesting to nurse and walk and grocery shop etc; I felt so productive. lol Loved the maya wrap for that.

Edited July 19, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Soror]

Holder here, I hate to see babies that never get held :( I use carriers as well. I didn't find the need as much with the first 2 but with this one(#3) she lived in that Ergo when out and about, still does most of the time only now she rides in my back. At home I generally don't use a carrier though unless I really needed to do something that requires 2 hands and the baby wouldn't cooperate. I also enjoy now having some free time where she can play on her own, she'll be 2 in a few months though.

[mommaduck]

We have eight baby holders in the house and nine baby entertainers.

 

That's aside from the playpen/bassinet (that is just now getting use during naps), the swing (that someone pulled a part off of and cannot be used till I fix it), a bouncy seat (that gets occasional usage), and a car seat (that gets used regularly, but outside the home)...and the half dozen slings/wraps (of which, I've grown a preference for using only one or two).