emcap Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) Stupid question, but I'm wondering what others think. I can't trust my own judgment because I have body image issues and hate the way I look pregnant. Regardless of the answers, I won't be in it ;). My mom is on the other end of the spectrum and says she would be totally fine with it, so I know not everyone feels how I do. All that to say, imagine you are 37 wks pregnant - and not cute little basketball belly in the front pregnant, like you usually gain 30-40 pounds and have swollen ankles and fingers - would you be in a wedding? I know at 37 weeks there's also the possibility of not being around for it because of delivery, but pretend you have always been on time or late so far. Thanks for allowing me to waste your time :D Edited June 13, 2011 by emcap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer in MI Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Personally? It depends. If I'm close to the bride and I wouldn't have to travel - I sure would! But, if it involved any sort of travel - NO WAY!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Negin Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Whose wedding and how obligated are you to go? Me, personally, nope, not that late in the stage. But it may also depend on how obligated you are or feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emcap Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 definitely going, she's my sister, but I just can't be in it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yes, I would, if I liked the person and would've stood up in their wedding to begin with. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) No. (ETA: because I'd be unreliable.) Edited June 13, 2011 by wapiti Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) I would be in it if asked - especially for someone as close as a sister - but I would make sure they all know there are no guarantees! :001_smile: 20 years from now, this could be the wedding where Auntie was taken to the hospital to deliver. No big deal in my opinion. Life happens. (Assuming here that this is not a high risk pregnancy and you have to travel thousands of miles to a deserted island with no hospitals) Congratulations on your pregnancy. When it's all over and done, you have to give all the birth details and post a pic! You know that, right? Just checking.:D Edited June 13, 2011 by Liz CA Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Night Elf Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 All that to say, imagine you are 37 wks pregnant - and not cute little basketball belly in the front pregnant, like you usually gain 30-40 pounds and have swollen ankles and fingers - would you be in a wedding? But see, this is still personal perception of your body. How do you know others don't see your pregnant belly as "cute"? I felt like a cow when I was in my last month, so I really do understand where you're coming from. But when I look at pictures, I really didn't look so bad. I looked pregnant! So, at the time when I was feeling like I looked horrible, I would have said no. But now that I can look back and view my appearance more objectively, I can see where making a decision based on how I felt I looked could have been a mistake. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Let me think back to a couple weeks ago, when I was 37 weeks... :) I think I would be in the wedding, but I'd make sure not to do too much. I'd try to sit when I could and prop my feet up somehow. I'd wear my hair up so I wouldn't be a big ball of sweat. I wouldn't be out on the dancefloor (Oh my word, the thought of it makes me :eek: at this stage). I would probably cut the evening short, you know, not close out the reception with everyone else in the wedding party. All this would totally depend on how far we had to travel, too. If it was pretty far away, I don't think I'd do it. It'd just be way too tiring! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yep, and I'm actually in that boat right now except I'll be about 2 weeks post partum - LOL. My SIL (who I am super close to and lives in town) is getting married three weeks after I am due with #4. I'll be in that wedding come hell or high water because I love her and want to celebrate with her - even if I look like a deflated sausage :D After all, the wedding isn't about me - not even remotely - it's about my SIL and Future BIL. No one will care how I look, so I'll stand up there all puffy and postpartumy and be happy as can be for them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 No, not in the wedding party. I don't get big everywhere when I'm pregnant, but I do stick out in front like I swallowed a basketball. :lol: That plus the usual hideous bridesmaid gown in shiny satin or some other nasty fabric would not be a good combination. I might feel like "mooing" as I walked down the aisle (yes, thank you, I know what I look like), and that would ruin the whole thing. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
herbalgirl Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 But see, this is still personal perception of your body. How do you know others don't see your pregnant belly as "cute"? I felt like a cow when I was in my last month, so I really do understand where you're coming from. But when I look at pictures, I really didn't look so bad. I looked pregnant! So, at the time when I was feeling like I looked horrible, I would have said no. But now that I can look back and view my appearance more objectively, I can see where making a decision based on how I felt I looked could have been a mistake. :grouphug: :iagree: I feel like a total beached whale, but everyone else is commenting on how cute my belly is and how I don't look huge. Does ANY woman get to the end of pregnancy without swollen ankles and hands?! I had an appt. today, and couldn't even get my wedding rings on. :glare: I think it has to do with the heat and all the extra fluids in our bodies, not that we're gigantic. I am sure you look much better than how you THINK you do! ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Sure I'd do it. I was one of those annoying women who was always proud to be pregnant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Karen A Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 My best friend was in mine at 38 weeks. We did not know she was expecting when we picked the date based on lots of other factors with family calendars. The dress was a bit of a challenge--I found an empire waist dress, and bought 2 to provide the extra material she needed for the alterations. But if she wore an altogether different dress too, that would have been fine. What was important was that she was there, and showed her love to me by accepting a special role. If she would have been very sick, or on bedrest, or had to travel, I would have been disappointed, but understanding. If she had declined because of appearance I would have been really really disappointed--we are so dear to each other that I would feel that was not enough reason to not show love and support in the special way of standing up--it would have been somewhat of a betrayal of the closeness of our relationship that she cared more about her vanity than showing her love and support in the way that was most meaningful to me. But because of my great love for her, I'd accept the disappointment and forgive and forget. Much depends on the relationship between the bride and the potential bridesmaid... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emubird Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Definitely yes. If they want you in the wedding, obviously it doesn't matter to them. I'd only back out if it were too physically uncomfortable to stand for that long. And even then, if the couple were really hoping to have me there, they might make allowances (only standing for the actual ceremony, not worrying about a matching dress, etc). It's about family, not about making a picture perfect wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Osmosis Mom Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Would definitely go! I would even go if it were on my due date, but then I always go 8 days over! I even wanted to trek to VT last time for an event at my due date, but dj put his foot down on that one (I was high risk and phone-connection is iffy in the country here). So, there. BTW, I usually feel great at most points during pregnancy and don't care how I look. I do make sure to have clothing that is not too bad on me (regular clothing in large sizes) after having looked and felt awful the first time around (never again!!). This is also why I always buy some clothes to wear right after post-partum when you feel and look pretty, well, fat and with no baby inside!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EmilyinND Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yes! I was almost 13 yrs ago when pregnant with my first child. It was my brother's wedding. This is a personal choice, though, depending on how you feel. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom22ns Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 For my sister, you'd better believe I'd be in the wedding. It isn't about how you look pregnant, it's about being there for your sister. That is just me though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Susan in TX Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Absolutely not! NO way! But not because of how I look when pregnant. It would be because of how I feel when I'm 37 weeks pregnant. The stress would be too much. Standing for the length of the service would be a strain. I might not make it through the entire service without having to use the bathroom. And, every pregnancy is different, so just because one has never had one come early before doesn't mean it won't happen. My luck, if I were in a wedding 37 weeks pregnant, my water would break as I was walking down the asile, lol. Susan in TX Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I would for my sister and/or a best friend, but i wouldn't be hosting gatherings. ;) I might supervise them from a comfortable place, however. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WishboneDawn Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Honestly, if the only issue were how I looked I'd suck it up and be in the wedding, body image issues and all. Weddings are one of those times we show others how much we care about them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I would and have, for my sister. Actually I was only 35 1/2 weeks along or something like that, but still... No one was looking at me; they were looking at her, and I can't imagine not being a part of her special day unless I were physically incapable of doing it. On the other hand, I have no body image issues and I have relatively easy pregnancies, so I can't relate to that side of it and wouldn't judge someone who feels differently than I do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scuff Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 For a sister, absolutely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Provided I had no history of going into labor early, the bride knew there were no promises, I didn't have to travel, and the dress had an empire waist or something else that didn't look completely silly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emcap Posted June 13, 2011 Author Share Posted June 13, 2011 Okay Ladies.....I'm emailing now to tell her I will. You just have to promise that no one will indeed be looking at the giant whale waddling down the aisle and taking up all the room on the altar! :001_huh: I said I wouldn't change my mind, but I guess I have. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lolly Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 No. I usually have them in neonatal at that point. Even with the one that didn't come that early, he was on his way at that point. I wouldn't commit when I was at a point where delivery is a definite possibility. It IS just a guess on that due date!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UnsinkableKristen Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yay!! No one will care about how you look - everyone will just be happy at what a loving and supportive sister you are :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Okay Ladies.....I'm emailing now to tell her I will. You just have to promise that no one will indeed be looking at the giant whale waddling down the aisle and taking up all the room on the altar! :001_huh: I said I wouldn't change my mind, but I guess I have. :tongue_smilie: Yay! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pippen Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 No, not in the wedding party. I don't get big everywhere when I'm pregnant, but I do stick out in front like I swallowed a basketball. :lol: That plus the usual hideous bridesmaid gown in shiny satin or some other nasty fabric would not be a good combination. I might feel like "mooing" as I walked down the aisle (yes, thank you, I know what I look like), and that would ruin the whole thing. :D I was similarly all baby up in front, so much so that people would comment I had the biggest single baby belly they'd seen. An old retired OB saw me at a family wedding at five months and asked if I was sure I wasn't carrying twins (it was just a ten pound, five ounce baby that was in the cooker). I would be in a small, informal wedding close to home, but not in a large or formal wedding or one that I had to travel much distance to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
amyx4 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I did it for SIL in an August wedding at 39 weeks. My dh and the 2yr & 4 yr old were in the wedding. I'm not cute pregnant and I go past my due date and it was at a local venue. Looking back, I'm glad I sucked it up. We weren't super close at the time but we've grown closer over the years. The hardest part wasn't the wedding but the pressure to go to the bachelorette party. I went out with them in the afternoon to the girly shopping/lunch/sightseeing part but did not stay for the rest of the evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
twoforjoy Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 No and it has nothing to do with caring how I look pregnant. I just remember at 37 weeks with both feeling absolutely miserable. My back killed me, my feet were swollen, I had awful acid reflux, and I was just dog tired. I was not one of these happy pregnant people who just took a few hours off to deliver and was on my merry way. I might do it if I could be assured of not being worked too hard and it was someone REALLY special. This. If it was my sister, and I didn't have to travel, and she was cool about the possibility of my not being able to make it, the reality that I'd be quite miserable and would probably want to spend as much time as possible sitting down with my feet up, and if she was flexible about what I would wear, I'd do it. For anybody else, or under any other circumstances, I'd attend if I didn't have to travel, but I don't think I'd be physically up to being in the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hannah C. Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 If it was someone I was really close to, and I didn't have to travel far for the wedding, then yes, I would. But I'd have to be really close to them. ;) Sister and best friend would qualify. Anyone else, not so much. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ocelotmom Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I wouldn't want to have to worry about my appearance and how the dress was fitting. I wouldn't want to be obligated to stand for long periods of time. I wouldn't want to risk complicating things by not being able to be there for whatever reason, even if I did have a history of going later, because history doesn't always have any bearing on the present. I wouldn't want to travel any sort of long distance at that point, so that's another consideration if the wedding isn't local. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kate CA Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I was very largely pregnant with our first when I was in my friend's wedding. It was a lovely event and I was blessed to be a part of it. I would absolutely do it for a sister. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caitilin Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yay!! No one will care about how you look - everyone will just be happy at what a loving and supportive sister you are :) I totally agree. Have a lovely time!:D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 You're a good sister! Make her promise that you don't have to do anything but show up and smile. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Oh, good for you! Now, I hope she can find something for you to wear where you will be comfortable and confident. At one of the nicest weddings I went to, the bridesmaids didn't have the matchy-matchy dresses. They all had the same fabric, but slightly different style choices. They also had a pregnant matron-of-honor who looked lovely in her empire-waisted dress. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SnowWhite Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I think MOST people don't notice us as much as we think they do. I went to a baby shower ON MY DUE DATE and somebody said, "Oh, you mean you're expecting?" when I commented on having to use the potty so often. And I resemble the description you wrote in your OP. Quite overweight and swollen by that point. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Sure, I'd do it. But, I'd buy the cutest dress I could find. ETA: However, I love being pregnant and never minded the pregant look Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Of course. Wouldn't even cross my mind not to. My sister was pregnant and in our other sister's wedding. (They are 11 and 12 years older than I am, so I was just a kid myself). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JennyD Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Good decision! I'd definitely do it, assuming no travel and with the understanding that I might not be there. I'm sure you'll look adorable, and who knows, maybe it will be a nice distraction from the misery of late pregnancy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 No...I've never made it to 37 weeks pregnant. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalknot Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 For my sister, I would. I don't do "pregnant" very beautifully, and I'd definitely draw attention away from the bride with the things my body does when pregnant (shape, and um - random sounds that escape, embarassingly, before I can even realize soon enough to try to cut 'em off) but if she still wanted me to stand by her on that day? I'd not think twice about it. Her, maybe, but not it LOL. I'm 5' tall. I gained 80+ lbs with each pregnancy, which -for my height- looks like double that. I'd rock my muu-muu, though, and stand by her ;) then I'd make her promise not to distribute any pictures that had me in it. Proofs only! ;) :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
roxanne23 Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 (edited) . Edited January 4, 2023 by roxanne23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Julie in Austin Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I was in my brother's wedding at 37 weeks. Everything was fine. One thing you should know is that if you try to get a bridesmaid's dress, they will want you to order a huge size and then alter it for you. (I was a 12; they wanted me to order a 28 so the belly would fit and then cut down the rest.) Oh, and charge me more than the original price of the dress for that privilege. Fortunately, my very sweet stbSIL let me buy a plain dress on ebay. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
specialmama Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I was 38 weeks mongo-pregnazoid and was in my sister's wedding. No problems. I was 35 weeks and stood in a friend's wedding. No problems there either. So yes, I would and I did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinsfamily Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 I haven't read all of the other replies yet but It would be tough for me to commit. I had two of my four babies at or before 37 weeks and the other two came right at 38 weeks. There's no way I'd miss my sis's wedding and I'd be in it if she wanted me to be whether I looked good or not (I fit in the beached whale category of late pregnant women). However, she'd have to deal with the possibility of me upstaging her by going into labor during the ceremony or not showing up if the baby's already arrived. If travelling were involved, no way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 Yes, I did it. I was 38 weeks pregnant at my sister's wedding and I stood up with her in an sleeveless, backless bridesmaid dress. I don't even wear sleeveless and backless when I'm not pregnant. I love her that much. Worst things? Worrying that the dress was going to fit. The Asian seamstress was surprised every time. It didn't seem to matter how many times I told her I was pregnant or that I would need several inches more room. I even made her write it down and showed her with my hands how big I could get. The only other thing was that everyone told me not to go into labor during the wedding. Haha. Everyone. It got old. If I could do anything over I would ask my sister if I could wear something different. That dress was cruel and unusual punishment (unless you are petite and buff like my cousin...the maid of honor who got to pick them out). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted June 13, 2011 Share Posted June 13, 2011 For my sister, yes, absolutely I would. It sounds like traveling is not the issue (that would stop me @ 37 weeks, if I had to travel). Just the normal, run of the mill pregnancy woes would not stop me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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