Trying to change the way we eat - being met with resistance!

[GraciebytheBay]

I have been gradually changing the way we eat around here since my husband came back from Turkey last year and raved about the Mediterranean diet. I looked into it, and it is such a healthy way to eat and for the most part, the food they eat is all food that I love.

 

However, my two youngers (dd especially) do not enjoy many of the meals I now make. Part of it is, of course, my fault for cooking the way I did for so long. I had always cooked meals mainly from scratch, but I definitely leaned toward comfort food (creamy macaroni and cheese, meat and potatoes, lots of pasta). I thought the kids would eventually adjust (it has been 10 months), but dd still eats a minimal amount, then is hungry later and needs a bowl of cereal or toast before bed. She asks before that but I usually don't let her because I am still annoyed that she didn't eat her supper!

 

Dd is 11 and going through a growth spurt. I guess my question is would you require her to eat a good portion at supper, even if she didn't like what was being served or respect her preferences and keep on the way it is now? I do not want to make food an issue between us, but I would love to see her want to eat healthier and give up the constant desire for comfort food. (For a special treat for her last week, I made hot turkey sandwiches with mashed potatoes. White bread, deli turkey, gravy, white potatoes, corn...you get the idea. My goodness, she was over the moon with happiness - positively giddy! It was very funny how many hugs and kisses I got after that meal.)

 

For those who have changed their eating habits, especially at the main meal, how long did it take for your kids to get on board (assuming they did)? If they did not adjust, how did you handle it?

[bagel270]

If my kids don't eat supper at supper time, that's what they get for a snack. Mommy makes the food, you eat what is served.

[cjzimmer1]

My kids weren't bothered too much about switching to whole grains from white etc. But I think part of it was how I prepped it. For instance many kids want nothing to do with wheat bread after eating white bread for years but I make a wonderful homemade wheat bread that is as light and fluffy as any store bought white bread and my kids love it. Now they won't eat any store bought bread (white/wheat) because they can all taste the chemicals/preservatives in it. They weren't crazy about brown rice until someone here posted Alton Brown's Baked brown rice recipe and now brown rice is an absolute hit around here.

 

As far as getting them to adjust, personally, I wouldn't allow toast or cereal if the meal wasn't eaten. My kids are notorious about being "full" at meal time if it's not their favorite full and 30 minutes later they are starving and begging for food. Out comes the meal they didn't eat. My kids used to always hold out for the "better" food. As long as they know later on that other/better food choices will be available to them, they will probably never really adapt to eating style you would like for them. I would serve them a slightly smaller than normal portion of something and they simply don't get any more/other food until that's gone. At their ages, they are old enough to learn to respect the cook by eating whatever is served even if it's not their favorite food. If they eat it politely and are still hungry than by all means let them get something else but they need to first eat a reasonable portion of the meal served first.

[Audrey]

If my kids don't eat supper at supper time, that's what they get for a snack. Mommy makes the food, you eat what is served.

 

 

This is us, too. I don't believe in letting picky eaters domineer a family's diet. At. All. Ever. Basically: here is the food. Period. You can eat the food, or you can eat nothing.

 

Kids do not get to dictate the food. They may make suggestions for what they'd prefer, but if it isn't food I would fix normally, then I'm not making it. If it's cr*p food. I'm not making it.

 

If you are changing your family's diet then you get to decide what is suitable or not. The kids don't.* It takes time to adjust, but stick to your plan and they will learn to adapt. I made a big change in our family's diet about a year ago and everyone has adjusted quite well, and I don't make separate anything for anyone.

 

 

*And before anyone gets any panties in a wad... I am NOT talking about food allergies. Any good mom is not going to make food that will be contradictory to their kids' allergies -- quite obviously. I'm talking about food choices in general.

Edited May 29, 2011 by Audrey

[FriedClams]

At 11 I would expect her to eat what is served (no snacks, clean out all junk) and I would educate her. WAtch Supersize Me (there is some comments about how his eating affects his desire for TEA) and Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution together. Discuss the changes you are making and why. There is also a Supersize Me book for kids, too. Let her cook some new things. And I'd allow a treat once a week or do. You can do it!

[HiddenJewel]

One course I took said that it can take 15 exposures to a food before a child becomes accustomed to it.

[joannqn]

When my kids don't eat their dinner, we save their plate. If we're eating dessert, the non-eater is almost always willing to chow down the food they weren't hungry for or didn't like in order to have dessert with the rest of the family.

 

The only exception is when I cook steak. The boys don't like steak, and we get it so rarely that I'm not wasting it on them. They usually get chicken nuggets instead.

[Truscifi]

If my kids don't eat supper at supper time, that's what they get for a snack. Mommy makes the food, you eat what is served.

 

This. If they don't eat it at dinner, save the plate and give it to them again when they come asking for food.

[Rosie_0801]

I'd go with "eat it or starve" if I were feeling grumpy. If I were feeling pleasant, I'd give them a food budget for a week and allow them to discover that it is far, far less effort to eat what I provide. Obviously the kitchen would only be available for their use during their free time...

 

Rosie

[meggie]

I'm pretty sure your daughter will not change so long as she knows she can eat cereal later. You'll just raise a girl who moves out and eats cereal. We generally follow the "if you don't eat it at this meal, it'll be waiting for you the next time you say you're hungry."

 

My second son is SOOOOOO picky. He's decided he doesn't like red things (strawberries and red peppers). He won't eat avocados, but he used to. He'll eat the guacamole though. He'll drink a green smoothie full of spinach. With him I learned the "try it 10-15 times" rule is true. I can't tell you how many times he's spit stuff out.

[Anne in CA]

I changed the way we ate when my step dd was 12 because she begged me to. She was overweight due to eating only junk food on visitation with her mother. We weren't eating badly, but like you we ate a lot of comfort food. But she complained soon after we made changes, but then I had invested in new food and we stuck with it.

 

She never has become a healthy eater, she probably weighs 250 at least and she is only 5'3". She just at more junk at her mom's house and bought junk when she started going to public high school. She just never adjusted, and it was a disappointment.

 

I will say that I do believe my dd has issues that make her think she needs the extra weight to keep men away. Your dd might make a better adjustment, but probably not if she is allowed to eat cereal before bed.

[justamouse]

If my kids don't eat supper at supper time, that's what they get for a snack. Mommy makes the food, you eat what is served.

 

This is us.

 

We have no cereal in the house. I just wrap what they didn't eat and they get it later.

[Jean in CA]

Looking at the ages of your children -11 and 13 - it might be harder for them to make a switch at this point.

 

I noticed that the sooner I introduced my kids to a certain food, the more likely they are to enjoy it as they get older.

 

For instance all my kids are used to lamb, eggplant, brussel spouts, salad, since I served these things at a young age.

 

If we "converted" to hummus and couscous and beans... it would be harder for the 13 and 11 year olds, not so tough for the 5 year old, and no problem for the 2 year old.

 

That's just my take...

 

Now, if your kids have an "attitude" then, that is something to be dealt with. But as to whether they have to "like" the food or not, you probably can't change their palate preferences at this point.

 

Just curious... what are you serving? :)

 

Good luck!

Edited May 29, 2011 by Jean in CA

[EthiopianFood]

Just curious... what are you serving? :)

 

:lurk5:

[Homemama2]

If mine don't eat their supper well and are hungry later they only have a couple of choices: fresh fruit, fresh veggies, yogurt or cheese. My oldest would literally live on cereal if I let him. :D They are both so incredibly small for their age (my 7 1/2 year old just got into 5T's and my 9 yr.old is in 5/6's) that I really want them to eat SOMETHING.

[the4Rs]

My kids must eat what we have for our meals. Now I know there are just some foods you (general you) may not like, and that is true for my own kids. That doesn't mean they don't have to eat it but I usually give them less of what they don't like. I also always make sure that if it is a meal I know they dislike, I serve sides with it they do like. That way I know that they are eating something.

 

I came from a home where we had to clean our plates whether we liked it or not and it caused some major food issues and eating issues with me and my sister growing up. So I refuse to be militant about eating. But my kids do know that if I put the hard work in, I expect them to at least try it. If they don't like it, I tell them from now on they only have to try a little bit each time I make it from now on. My daughter has grown to love several of my meals by that approach. And having sides they like also helps.

[boscopup]

If we "converted" to hummus and couscous and beans... it would be harder for the 13 and 11 year olds, not so tough for the 5 year old, and no problem for the 2 year old.

 

 

I was that picky kid, and I agree with this. There was no way my parents were going to change my palate. My mom's rule was that she wasn't making anything else. I was welcome to make my own dinner though. So yes, I lived on hot dogs and mac & cheese in middle school and high school on the days that I didn't like what my mom was serving. My tastes didn't expand until I met my husband, and he got me trying some new things. Now I eat a whole lot that I didn't eat as a child, but I really don't think my parents could have changed me at that age. I would have resisted big time. It was part teenage attitude and part fear of trying new things, but the teenage attitude took over. My DH has been able to get me to try new things since there isn't any teenage attitude involved, and it's my DH, not my parents. ;)

 

I also have had to gradually introduce new foods. I can't go straight into some heavily tomato-based dish (I hate tomatoes). We've had to gradually get them in me, via pizza first, then very lightly sauced spaghetti or lasagna with plenty of cheese to hide the tomato taste... :tongue_smilie:I doubt I'll ever like heavily tomato-based dishes... or BBQ sauce, another thing I hate (and my DH has tried to make sauces that used the tiniest amount - I can still taste it!). Thankfully, my tastes have expanded in other areas. For example, I now eat all kinds of beef. As a child, I didn't even like burgers. I didn't like beef until I got pregnant with DS1, and my body craved it. Now I still love beef. I do more sauces now too, as long as they aren't tomato-based. I still don't do salad dressing, but I can eat salad with croutons.

 

Now the problem in my house is that DH and I are both picky, though he's mostly texture picky. So he doesn't do casseroles or soups. I would love to do some healthy soups... I made a potato-leek soup one day that I couldn't look at (it was green), but it tasted really good and was very healthy (lots of asparagus in it). It had a good amount of protein for a soup too. There's no way I could even get DH to try it though. I made a quiche one day, and he wouldn't even try it because he doesn't like eggs. So it's really hard to find healthy foods that both of us like. I don't worry about the kids, as they're young enough to make such changes. It's us old fogies that have trouble with change. :glare:

 

 

Just curious... what are you serving? :)

 

:lurk5:

[GraciebytheBay]

Looking at the ages of your children -11 and 13 - it might be harder for them to make a switch at this point.

 

Just curious... what are you serving? :)

 

Good luck!

 

See, I think this might be the problem. They are set in their ways already - more than I was at 44!

 

I serve a variety of meals. Some examples:

-Today we had shish kabobs with beef and veggies (pineapple, too) and brown rice. (They were so good!) Anna ate what she liked off the kabob, which was the beef and the pineapple - no onion, pepper, mushrooms, zucchini.

-Lots of beans and _______ dishes

-Mediterranean veggie wraps with goat cheese on flat bread (will only eat the bread and maybe a couple bites of veggies)

-gyros/souvlaki (again, she'll eat the beef and the bread)

-Greek penne w/ chicken (includes feta cheese and tomatoes which she hates, but I give her plain pasta and plain chicken)

-pasta pomodoro

-Black beans and rice

-Manti (Turkish "tortellini")

-etc.

 

She has an okay attitude. Of course, she is disappointed when it is something she doesn't like, but usually she'll sit at the table and pick at the food she has to take while being part of family conversation. Oh, and I do make other things, too, so she is not deprived of pizza or meatloaf completely.

 

I am also trying to get the kids to see that having fruit for dessert is a wonderful thing! I don't get why dh and my palates have adjusted beautifully to this and the kids' haven't. What could be better than juicy watermelon after a meal? We do have a "treat" dessert once on the weekend. We haven't always had dessert after every supper, btw. It's just that when we do now, I want it to be fruit.

 

I so wish we had done this years ago. I will admit to being a bit nervous about her weight. She is very short and definitely has been filling out in the past year. She is not overweight, but she is becoming quite curvy and has a bit of a belly developing. I am overweight and can see her love of not-so-good food leading her to the same situation I am in. We've talked about it, but I don't want to push the "I don't want you to get fat" idea on her. I emphasize how important it is to eat healthy foods to fuel your body. We've studied it in science as well.

 

I am rambling so will stop now. Thanks for your thoughts!

[GraciebytheBay]

Your dd might make a better adjustment, but probably not if she is allowed to eat cereal before bed.

 

:iagree: That is what dh has been saying as well. The problem is that ds13 is very underweight. The doctor said she would like him to have something before bed at night if he is hungry, which he is about 50% of the time. It is so hard to let one have a snack and not the other! What would I say? "No, you may not have a snack but your brother can because he's so skinny." (Implication being that she is...not.) :tongue_smilie: The doctor actually suggested that he have ice cream every night. We knew that would not be a great idea for the pocketbook or for the rest of us (!), so we allow him to have a peanut butter sandwich or cereal with whole milk when he chooses a snack at night. He eats better than she does at suppertime, btw.

 

I am finding the girl/body image thing to be rather tricky. My boys didn't have issues, but dd certainly has potential to have an issue if it isn't handled the right way. Aaack!! I am really feeling the weight of responsibility with this one!

[Jean in Newcastle]

What would I say? "No, you may not have a snack but your brother can because he's so skinny."

 

No, you say, "Your brother can have a snack because he ate a good dinner."

[EthiopianFood]

No, you say, "Your brother can have a snack because he ate a good dinner."

 

There are also plenty of healthful snacks that don't involve cereal or pb. If the idea is that you want the kids to see this new way of eating as desirable, not just something to be endured, maybe bedtime snacks need to be adjusted too. Nuts, seeds, guacamole/avocados, hummus with olive oil, etc. are all high in good calories, and aren't in any way junk food.

 

Also, and I'm trying to say this gently, if your dd is a little chubby, but refuses to eat healthful foods, she is obviously getting her calories from somewhere.... I think you just have to decide how important this is to you. Is she allowed to choose what she eats at this age or not (and that answer wil vary from family to family)? If you feel it is up to you to make sure she eats right, then you have to be prepared to only offer what is acceptable for her to eat, you know? If you don't feel comfortable doing that, then be proud that you are setting a good example and realize that she may not always choose what you want her to choose.

[Truscifi]

:iagree: That is what dh has been saying as well. The problem is that ds13 is very underweight. The doctor said she would like him to have something before bed at night if he is hungry, which he is about 50% of the time. It is so hard to let one have a snack and not the other! What would I say? "No, you may not have a snack but your brother can because he's so skinny." (Implication being that she is...not.) :tongue_smilie: The doctor actually suggested that he have ice cream every night. We knew that would not be a great idea for the pocketbook or for the rest of us (!), so we allow him to have a peanut butter sandwich or cereal with whole milk when he chooses a snack at night. He eats better than she does at suppertime, btw.

 

I am finding the girl/body image thing to be rather tricky. My boys didn't have issues, but dd certainly has potential to have an issue if it isn't handled the right way. Aaack!! I am really feeling the weight of responsibility with this one!

 

Make it a universal rule. If you eat a good dinner, you can have a snack. If your ds is already eating well at dinner it should be no problem. If he isn't, he can eat the rest of his dinner too, then follow it up with the other snack.

 

ETA: My ds is also very skinny. We have been told to put extra butter on everything, give him high carb foods, mix a packet of Carnation Instant breakfast in with his morning milk (in addition to breakfast, not in place of it) and lots of other things. We eventually decided to encourage healthy eating habits instead and to let him graze during the day, eating as much as he wants until 4pm - at that point he is cut off until dinner so he has a good appetite.

Edited May 29, 2011 by Truscifi

[katilac]

- I will admit to being a bit nervous about her weight. She is very short and definitely has been filling out in the past year. She is not overweight, but she is becoming quite curvy and has a bit of a belly developing.

 

Filling out, curves, and a bit of a belly are all very normal signs of puberty approaching.

[LibraryLover]

All I can think of is the raw meat scene in Mommie Dearest and that sweet little Christina.

 

 

 

:)

Edited May 29, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Anne Rittenhouse]

Here's an idea I learned because I had to by living in Europe.

 

The size of the frig matters to the family diet. Here the kitchen's are small, very small and usually are not part of a large open plan living arrangement. (Although, this is changing.) The result is that the amount of food stored in the home is for one or two days only.

 

I had to learn to change the proportion of my kitchen dedicated to dishes and pots and pans vs. food storage. I have one small cupboard of staples, a small bread box, another cupboard with wine and bottled water and finally the frig....no more than a double dorm cube frig. The freezer will not hold more than a bag of peas and one package of meat.

 

The end result is that there is no alternative for picky eaters. I have today's meal and maybe the start of tomorrows. You eat what was purchased that day because there is no alternative. Thus foods that would be shunned because "more favorable" choices are in the cupboard are eaten with relish. Now also mind that this shift took place very slowly over a 2-3 year period with much wailing and gnashing of teeth mostly on my part about the refrigerator.

 

I am not suggesting you redo your kitchen or go out a replace your frig with something the size of a small wine cooler, but I do suggest that you try to reduce the pantry and frig stock and shop several times a week. This requires more time, planning and thought than the once per week shop and more will-power also. Thus when Miss white bread, potatoes and corn goes looking for cereal, what she's greeted with is several apples, some artisan whole wheat bread, quart of milk, some goat cheese and few walnuts.

[EthiopianFood]

Here's an idea I learned because I had to by living in Europe.

 

The size of the frig matters to the family diet. Here the kitchen's are small, very small and usually are not part of a large open plan living arrangement. (Although, this is changing.) The result is that the amount of food stored in the home is for one or two days only.

 

I had to learn to change the proportion of my kitchen dedicated to dishes and pots and pans vs. food storage. I have one small cupboard of staples, a small bread box, another cupboard with wine and bottled water and finally the frig....no more than a double dorm cube frig. The freezer will not hold more than a bag of peas and one package of meat.

 

The end result is that there is no alternative for picky eaters. I have today's meal and maybe the start of tomorrows. You eat what was purchased that day because there is no alternative. Thus foods that would be shunned because "more favorable" choices are in the cupboard are eaten with relish. Now also mind that this shift took place very slowly over a 2-3 year period with much wailing and gnashing of teeth mostly on my part about the refrigerator.

 

I am not suggesting you redo your kitchen or go out a replace your frig with something the size of a small wine cooler, but I do suggest that you try to reduce the pantry and frig stock and shop several times a week. This requires more time, planning and thought than the once per week shop and more will-power also. Thus when Miss white bread, potatoes and corn goes looking for cereal, what she's greeted with is several apples, some artisan whole wheat bread, quart of milk, some goat cheese and few walnuts.

 

What a great explanation as to how children don't have to be starving to not be picky in developed countries. I will be filing this away!

[LibraryLover]

Thus when Miss white bread, potatoes and corn goes looking for cereal, what she's greeted with is several apples, some artisan whole wheat bread, quart of milk, some goat cheese and few walnuts.

 

My kids are older and are the easiest people on the planet to feed (they love everything), but to me it's always been a simple enough thing to buy only the foods I want my kids to eat. Whenever I've had a small child who was needing the comfort of the more familiar, it mattered not to me whether they ate something else healthy.

 

I've found not making a big deal out of mealtime results in kids who will try anything, even if not the first time. I am not invested in a toddler eating exactly the same thing I am eating. I really could not care less. They all come around to the delicious, ime.

 

There is entirely too much food available to Westerners (my dh is European and it's the same there). Little kids are not emotionally prepared for 1001 choices every single night.

Edited May 31, 2011 by LibraryLover

[Anne Rittenhouse]

It is also a marvelous way for mum to maintain or lose weight. I've lost 15 pounds in three years without trying. I never imagined that during menopause I would not balloon up like all my women relatives. There really is something to the American attitude toward food and it's not all the big bad mega farms and fast food as we ate extremely healthily when in the USA. We eat just as well here but when dinner is done for the day...the remainder of the food is breakfast until the market opens at 10am.

 

Just to give you a taste...it is Sunday and all food stores are closed. There is a farmers market this morning at the train station parking lot. So I've had to shop on Saturday for Sunday and Monday.

For today only,

 

Breakfast is rye fruited bread with yogurt cheese and radishes. Apples and orange juice.

Lunch: sandwiches, fruit and bottled water

Dinner: Small Smoked ham, new potatoes, green veg, salad, fruit

 

The generic fruit and veg notes in the menus are on purpose. We will go to the market in about an hour and shop. I expect to find strawberries, blueberries and cherries. The veg will be chosen from aspergus, green bean, salad greens, broccoli and early cauliflower. What I buy exactly will depend on quality and price.

 

Monday's supper menu will be based on a ham and bean soup using Sunday's scraps. Monday is also typically a day when the shops are either closed or not well stocked. Tuesday begins the shoping week for us.

 

The most "disturbing" thing about this system and it is one I still struggle with is that I cannot "hoard" food even in the most minor way. Putting up veg in canning jars like I did in the US...not happening here. No space, cost of fuel, and the stoves and oven are undersized and underpowered. It still make me very uncomfortable to open the kitchen cupboards and look and say to myself "If something happens and I cannot shop we will be hungry in two days and very, very hungry in four."

[Anne]

At 11 I would expect her to eat what is served (no snacks, clean out all junk) and I would educate her. WAtch Supersize Me (there is some comments about how his eating affects his desire for TEA) and Jamie Oliver's Food Revolution together. Discuss the changes you are making and why. There is also a Supersize Me book for kids, too. Let her cook some new things. And I'd allow a treat once a week or do. You can do it!

 

:iagree: I think some nutritional education might really help explain why you are making the changes you are making, and help them see that you are not the only one in the world that thinks this way!!

 

Anne

[EthiopianFood]

It is also a marvelous way for mum to maintain or lose weight. I've lost 15 pounds in three years without trying. I never imagined that during menopause I would not balloon up like all my women relatives. There really is something to the American attitude toward food and it's not all the big bad mega farms and fast food as we ate extremely healthily when in the USA. We eat just as well here but when dinner is done for the day...the remainder of the food is breakfast until the market opens at 10am.

 

Just to give you a taste...it is Sunday and all food stores are closed. There is a farmers market this morning at the train station parking lot. So I've had to shop on Saturday for Sunday and Monday.

For today only,

 

Breakfast is rye fruited bread with yogurt cheese and radishes. Apples and orange juice.

Lunch: sandwiches, fruit and bottled water

Dinner: Small Smoked ham, new potatoes, green veg, salad, fruit

 

The generic fruit and veg notes in the menus are on purpose. We will go to the market in about an hour and shop. I expect to find strawberries, blueberries and cherries. The veg will be chosen from aspergus, green bean, salad greens, broccoli and early cauliflower. What I buy exactly will depend on quality and price.

 

Monday's supper menu will be based on a ham and bean soup using Sunday's scraps. Monday is also typically a day when the shops are either closed or not well stocked. Tuesday begins the shoping week for us.

 

The most "disturbing" thing about this system and it is one I still struggle with is that I cannot "hoard" food even in the most minor way. Putting up veg in canning jars like I did in the US...not happening here. No space, cost of fuel, and the stoves and oven are undersized and underpowered. It still make me very uncomfortable to open the kitchen cupboards and look and say to myself "If something happens and I cannot shop we will be hungry in two days and very, very hungry in four."

 

This sounds so lovely! Although yes, I too would feel uneasy not having an emergency stash.

 

Rye fruited bread... I'm assuming this is something you will buy, not make? Because I want a recipe!!

[Anne Rittenhouse]

Rye Fruited bread....baking is just not done at home here much. The ovens are under sized, and never reach and hold accurate temperatures. The butcher, the baker, the green grocer and the dairy....four shops in that order three to four times a week.

 

Rye fruited bread is a rye bagette with chopped dried fruit, mostly raisins. Use a favorite dark german rye bread recipe and add your favorite mix of chopped dried fruit.

Edited May 29, 2011 by Anne Rittenhouse

[EthiopianFood]

Rye Fruited bread....baking is just not done at home here much. The ovens are under sized, and never reach and hold accurate temperatures. The butcher, the baker, the green grocer and the dairy....four shops in that order three to four times a week.

 

Rye fruited bread is a rye bagette with chopped dried fruit, mostly raisins. Use a favorite dark german rye bread recipe and add your favorite mix to chopped dried fruit.

 

I figured as much. :) Did you say you used to live in the U.S.? I don't think you could ever come back here then, you will be so spoiled! :001_huh: :tongue_smilie: Mmm, fresh bread every day....

[Anne Rittenhouse]

I'd be back in an instant...see the thread about homeschooling in France.

 

Yes, I will struggle with the US diet, but I will not struggle with racism and hatred. I can change how I react to food. I cannot change the way I react when I see and experience racism. We are actually not that bad with food, but we are centuries ahead in dealing with people who "are not like us" due to physical, mental, educational, racial, and "thing you can think of" differences. I'll take the US, warts and Micky D's, in a heartbeat.

[EthiopianFood]

I'd be back in an instant...see the thread about homeschooling in France.

 

Yes, I will struggle with the US diet, but I will not struggle with racism and hatred. I can change how I react to food. I cannot change the way I react when I see and experience racism. We are actually not that bad with food, but we are centuries ahead in dealing with people who "are not like us" due to physical, mental, educational, racial, and "thing you can think of" differences. I'll take the US, warts and Micky D's, in a heartbeat.

 

I can't even imagine. :(

[nd293]

This is us, too. I don't believe in letting picky eaters domineer a family's diet. At. All. Ever. Basically: here is the food. Period. You can eat the food, or you can eat nothing.

 

Here too. But I would definitely make an effort to find ways to cook that would appeal to taste preferences while still meeting my menu planning goals. I sometimes compromise - e.g. if makinga pasta salad I separate out halfway and add extra ingedients to ours that dd does not like.

 

What is it that your dd does not enjoy about the way that you are now preparing food?

[LidiyaDawn]

I guess my question is would you require her to eat a good portion at supper, even if she didn't like what was being served or respect her preferences and keep on the way it is now?

 

 

I'd give her the same respect that YOU would want :) ~ do you sit down to meal after meal of foods that you don't like? I know that I sure don't…and I don't expect my kids to do it either.

[amo_mea_filiis.]

I'd give her the same respect that YOU would want :) ~ do you sit down to meal after meal of foods that you don't like? I know that I sure don't…and I don't expect my kids to do it either.

 

It's probably a little different here since I'm a single mom, so just the 2 kids and I. I don't cater to them all the time, but I make sure what I cook is what they'll eat. I tend to leave ds out a bit more than dd, because he refuses his staples every so often and can always have a pediasure.

 

The post about the kabob- I honestly would have eaten the same your dd did. I hate onions, peppers, mushrooms, zucchini, and wouldn't touch goat cheese with a 10 foot pole.

 

I don't think it's fair (yes, life's not fair, got it) to expect an overnight diet change. You could make something she likes, in a healthy way, and introduce sides of new foods. I would never expect a person to eat things they hate.

 

If I want my son to try a new food, it'll take weeks! The first step is being able to put the food on his plate, next is him smelling him, then licking, then maybe putting it in his mouth, and eventually, hopefully he'll swallow a piece.

 

I'd say you're ahead of the game since she's willing to pick out what she likes from the meal.

 

I know eating at home is nothing like eating out, but when you do eat out, are there things on the menu you would never, ever, ever even consider trying? My dd tried squid once- I almost puked at the sight of it!

[delaney]

I got into a bad habit early of cooking for the kids' tastes. Oldest DS has major food allergies and we just into the habit of giving him something different:glare: I WISH I had never done that. My kids are too picky but I have noticed that they are all now starting to branch out and at least try stuff. It does have its downsides though. Younger DD now steals our food since it seems she eats EVERYTHING!

[Peela]

I compromise between healthy and what they love.

The reason I took that approach is because dh is my pickiest eater and is a vegetarian who hates vegetables and beans/lentils, is gluten intolerant, yet loves comfort food.

I am a raw foodie, or brown rice and steamed vegie, or salad eater, or soup eater, sometimes some meat. We clash.

 

So...nothing wrong with some mashed potatoes on the plate. One of our regular meals is mashed potatoes with peas, lots of salad, and some sort of protein- a soy pattie for dh (a pretend meat thing- he is really a meat eater at heart but refuses to eat meat!), meat for the kids, maybe a lentil pattie for me.

 

Another regular meal is pasta with home made pesto, and salad (my kids adore cos lettuce). I make big batches of pesto with basil from my garden, and then its just a case of making pasta- gluten free for dh and I- and it s a meal the kids can make themselves.

 

I would work with what they like and compromise- some of what they like- whether its one or 2 meals a week they love- or something they would like on their plate along with the newer food.

 

I have really not enjoyed being the healthy food nazi and have felt the need to find ways to compromise over the years. I want food to be an enjoyable experience overall. Nowadays, dh says things like "I like your salad better than all the other ones I have tried"- yet once upon a time he didn't. The trick? Mayonaise, if I am lazy, or a home made healthy but creamy dressing with plenty of sweetness in it if I am not lazy.

 

They will all drink green smoothies if they are sweet enough- so I use juice instead of water. A compromise.

 

As long as I can get their vegies into them one way or another, I am happy.

 

For fruit- we have a huge fruit bowl and it is virtually the only snack food.

 

I think it really is a creative process and it is really a life long process, too. I have come a long way over the years. Although there has been a LOT of complaining, when the kids come home from camps they beg for my "healthy" food.

[Jean in CA]

See, I think this might be the problem. They are set in their ways already - more than I was at 44!

 

I serve a variety of meals. Some examples:

-Today we had shish kabobs with beef and veggies (pineapple, too) and brown rice. (They were so good!) Anna ate what she liked off the kabob, which was the beef and the pineapple - no onion, pepper, mushrooms, zucchini.

-Lots of beans and _______ dishes

-Mediterranean veggie wraps with goat cheese on flat bread (will only eat the bread and maybe a couple bites of veggies)

-gyros/souvlaki (again, she'll eat the beef and the bread)

-Greek penne w/ chicken (includes feta cheese and tomatoes which she hates, but I give her plain pasta and plain chicken)

-pasta pomodoro

-Black beans and rice

-Manti (Turkish "tortellini")

-etc.

 

She has an okay attitude. Of course, she is disappointed when it is something she doesn't like, but usually she'll sit at the table and pick at the food she has to take while being part of family conversation. Oh, and I do make other things, too, so she is not deprived of pizza or meatloaf completely.

 

I am also trying to get the kids to see that having fruit for dessert is a wonderful thing! I don't get why dh and my palates have adjusted beautifully to this and the kids' haven't. What could be better than juicy watermelon after a meal? We do have a "treat" dessert once on the weekend. We haven't always had dessert after every supper, btw. It's just that when we do now, I want it to be fruit.

 

 

 

 

Delicious!!! I can understand the hesitation to eat feta cheese.... but the other foods like zucchini, mushrooms, peppers, tomatoes seem like standard, normal food to be offering. Is it the spices on it she doesn't like? Or have veggies always been avoided?

 

If it's the latter problem she has... avoidance of fruit and veggies, I think it will be a worthwhile transition for your family to make. It sounds emotionally challenging for you, mom, as well, since you want so much to see you dd make healthy choices, so you'll have to plan your "battle" wisely.

 

Let her be acountable to herself. Let her make the choices and then receive the consequences - good or bad.

 

Here's an idea. Use your dd's love of comfort food and sweet desserts to motivate her to eat stuff she doesn't like. Serve healthy Mediterranean style meals on Mondays-Thursdays. Fridays will be "Comfort Food Days"! On those days, serve your corn, potatoes, turkey sandwiches, meatloaf,and dessert; all your dd's favorites. Give your daughter a simple food group chart (starch, meat, fruits and veggies) with daily boxes in each category to check off. Start by setting the bar low, like 2 servings for fruits and veggies, 4 starches, 2 meats. If by Friday dinner, she's met he fruit/veggie quota, then she can indulge in the comfort food dinner with the rest of the family. If she is "missing" veggie/fruit servings, Friday night will instead be a "make-up" dinner, in which she will be served veggies and fruits only. She will miss the main meal and dessert.

 

I think this will take "you" out of the equation some, and lessen the emotional strain that these situations cause. The chart will determine your daughter's dietary fate on Friday. She will need to manage her choices. She will need to be self-motivated. She will automatically receive consequences and rewards based on her choices. No emotion from mom. No nagging.

 

We've done something similar with our children when certain behaviors, habits have become a real problem, and the relationship between us suffers. In these cases I will draft a "contract" that details expected behavior, attitudes, tasks, written positively and negatively... "I will take out the trash every evening." "I will not roll my eyes.... " You get the picture. The consequences and rewards are listed very clearly at the bottom.

 

Both parent and child sign and date the contract and we hug! It has done wonders for the family peace. All I have to control is not coddling the child when he/she makes poor choices and suffers the unwanted consequence. I tell myself this is a necessary lesson and it won't last long!

 

No loopholes..... no cereal after meals. :lol:

 

Keep it up mom, you're doing the right thing!!

Edited May 29, 2011 by Jean in CA

[RoundAbout]

I don't think it's fair (yes, life's not fair, got it) to expect an overnight diet change. You could make something she likes, in a healthy way, and introduce sides of new foods. I would never expect a person to eat things they hate.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

I hate picky eaters but if someone has been eating a certain way for 10 years I think some accommodation and sympathy is a good thing. After all, I assume your goal is not just to have her eat your dinner but develop life long healthy eating habits.

 

I have no specific advice but I think a gradual approach and some compromise are going to get you farther at that age. Of course getting her involved too would probably help. My mom started cooking healthier when I was around that age and we used to look at cook books and pick out recipes together.

[Ellie]

"Comfort food" is different for different people. :001_smile:

 

I don't think there's anything wrong with preparing each person's comfort food periodically, but I do think that dc need to eat what is served, when it's served. I don't believe in saving a child's uneaten plate of food for later, though. That's just nasty. :-p

 

Is there anything you can do to make your new food more palatable to the ones who don't like it? Could you include one dish at each meal that they'll like, even if it doesn't fit your new description of "healthy"? Or can you make some fo their favorites in a "healthier" way?

[SonshineLearner]

Honestly, it's a drastic change, and I wouldn't expect my kids to have a radically different diet. I have added things to my son's limited list like good salad, differently cooked chicken, organic free range eggs, etc... but totally changing is a bit much... at an older age.

[Stacyandtherugrats]

I do not purchase food I don't want my kids to eat. My kids are older and are the easiest people on the planet to feed (they love everything), but to me it's always been a simple enough thing to buy only the foods I want my kids to eat. Whenever I've had a small child who was needing the comfort of the more familiar, it mattered not to me whether they ate something else healthy.

 

I've found not making a big freaking deal out of mealtime results in kids who will try anything, even if not the first time. I am not invested in a toddler eating exactly the same thing I am eating. I really could not care less. They all come around to the delicious, ime.

 

There is entirely too much food available to Westerners (my dh is European and it's the same there). Little kids are not emotionally prepared for 1001 choices every single night.

 

:iagree:

 

Having been a very picky eater with texture issues, bordering on a fear of new foods, growing up, I rarely make food an issue at our house. To me, it is not worth it and only causes problems in the future. There are so many other things I can make big issues out of.

 

I am the one doing the shopping. If I don't buy it, they don't have access to it so they aren't eating it. I am in control in that respect. I do take my eldest son's food issues into account when shopping (same as me) and make sure I buy food that he will eat, even if it is the same turkey lunch meat he eats every day.

 

Yes, I often make him something separate from the rest of the family. It is an easy supper that doesn't take much effort. Now that he is a little older and *wants* to eat healthier (tho not always able to get his mind around it when the food is in front of him), he tries new things. We can tell when he is ready and when he is not and do not push him.

 

I would think that at their age, not only have they been eating a certain diet for about a decade, they are getting into the pre-puberty hormonal stage. That combination is going to cause a lot of resistance to a totally new diet. Maybe find out which of the new foods she really enjoys and make them more often. For other items, maybe figure out what part of it doesn't she like and if possible, make her portion more to her liking. Once she is more comfortable with that, then add on a new thing here and there, preferably with input from her.

 

Food should never be something to battle over unless it affects their health. It can backfire on some children and cause a damaging relationship with food as they get older.

[GraciebytheBay]

Filling out, curves, and a bit of a belly are all very normal signs of puberty approaching.

 

That's what the doctor said after she showed me how she's doing based on the growth chart, which shows she is right on target. I really want to save her from the pains of being overweight by instilling good eating habits. We have always had healthy food available, but I haven't been as vigilant as I perhaps should have been. I also don't want food to be a big source of contention either.

[GraciebytheBay]

ETA: My ds is also very skinny. We have been told to put extra butter on everything, give him high carb foods, mix a packet of Carnation Instant breakfast in with his morning milk (in addition to breakfast, not in place of it) and lots of other things. We eventually decided to encourage healthy eating habits instead and to let him graze during the day, eating as much as he wants until 4pm - at that point he is cut off until dinner so he has a good appetite.

 

It was interesting that our ped mentioned pushing extra butter and ice cream.:confused: Your approach seemed the best to us, too. Ben has a weird appetite - sometimes very hungry and at other times, very little appetite. I often think that if I listened to my own hunger signals like he does, I might not have had a weight problem. Dh is convinced it will all equal itself out and that we shouldn't worry about it. How many formerly thin children grew up to be normal weight adults? Many, I'm sure. In fact, at my high school reunion, many of them were overweight (especially the guys)! That was a surprise.

 

I like your idea of allowing him to graze on healthy foods throughout the day. Perhaps I can implement that with dd as well. I am going to make an effort this week to have cut up cantaloupe (dd loves it) and clean cut up veggies in the refrigerator at all times. Sometimes it's the prep work that gets me - I know, lame excuse. :tongue_smilie: Baby steps...

[GraciebytheBay]

Here's an idea I learned because I had to by living in Europe.

 

The size of the frig matters to the family diet. Here the kitchen's are small, very small and usually are not part of a large open plan living arrangement. (Although, this is changing.) The result is that the amount of food stored in the home is for one or two days only.

 

I had to learn to change the proportion of my kitchen dedicated to dishes and pots and pans vs. food storage. I have one small cupboard of staples, a small bread box, another cupboard with wine and bottled water and finally the frig....no more than a double dorm cube frig. The freezer will not hold more than a bag of peas and one package of meat.

 

The end result is that there is no alternative for picky eaters. I have today's meal and maybe the start of tomorrows. You eat what was purchased that day because there is no alternative. Thus foods that would be shunned because "more favorable" choices are in the cupboard are eaten with relish. Now also mind that this shift took place very slowly over a 2-3 year period with much wailing and gnashing of teeth mostly on my part about the refrigerator.

 

I am not suggesting you redo your kitchen or go out a replace your frig with something the size of a small wine cooler, but I do suggest that you try to reduce the pantry and frig stock and shop several times a week. This requires more time, planning and thought than the once per week shop and more will-power also. Thus when Miss white bread, potatoes and corn goes looking for cereal, what she's greeted with is several apples, some artisan whole wheat bread, quart of milk, some goat cheese and few walnuts.

 

VERY interesting! Dh and I were just talking about our vacation (just returned home last week). We both agreed that it was enjoyable shopping every other day for fresh foods instead of how it is at home, where we try to get everything we'll need for two weeks at a time. We ate so much better while on vacation for the exact reason you talked about above. Hmmm....simplicity might be part of the solution! It really appeals to me.

[helena]

Can you make healthier versions of comfort foods for lunch? She'd get her fix, it'd be healthier than the versions she's used to, the portions can be a little smaller, she'll have the afternoon to run some of it off.

[GraciebytheBay]

:iagree: I think some nutritional education might really help explain why you are making the changes you are making, and help them see that you are not the only one in the world that thinks this way!!

 

Anne

 

We have done this. We had a 5-2-1-0 summer last year (a campaign that advocates 5 fruits/veggies/day, 2 hours or less of screen time, 1 hour of exercise and 0 sugary drinks) and it was great for all. http://www.beahealthyhero.org/Home/Learn/5210/tabid/91/Default.aspx

 

We slid a little when the cold weather came and sometimes don't get the "5" in, but it was helpful. I still think we have a long way to go, though.

 

I also think part of the problem may be that her best friend's mom is very strict with her family's eating, with good reason. They have color and preservative sensitivities. She feels that they are so limited as to what they can eat and often sees the kids from that family having to refuse treats at co-op or eat something different, brought from home. (Personally, I think the treats at co-op could be much healthier, but they aren't given every week, just for special occasions.) Sometimes she'll roll her eyes at me and say, "Mom, you sound just like Mrs. __________". To which I say, "Thank you!"

[GraciebytheBay]

It is also a marvelous way for mum to maintain or lose weight. I've lost 15 pounds in three years without trying. I never imagined that during menopause I would not balloon up like all my women relatives. There really is something to the American attitude toward food and it's not all the big bad mega farms and fast food as we ate extremely healthily when in the USA. We eat just as well here but when dinner is done for the day...the remainder of the food is breakfast until the market opens at 10am.

 

Just to give you a taste...it is Sunday and all food stores are closed. There is a farmers market this morning at the train station parking lot. So I've had to shop on Saturday for Sunday and Monday.

For today only,

 

Breakfast is rye fruited bread with yogurt cheese and radishes. Apples and orange juice.

Lunch: sandwiches, fruit and bottled water

Dinner: Small Smoked ham, new potatoes, green veg, salad, fruit

 

The generic fruit and veg notes in the menus are on purpose. We will go to the market in about an hour and shop. I expect to find strawberries, blueberries and cherries. The veg will be chosen from aspergus, green bean, salad greens, broccoli and early cauliflower. What I buy exactly will depend on quality and price.

 

Monday's supper menu will be based on a ham and bean soup using Sunday's scraps. Monday is also typically a day when the shops are either closed or not well stocked. Tuesday begins the shoping week for us.

 

The most "disturbing" thing about this system and it is one I still struggle with is that I cannot "hoard" food even in the most minor way. Putting up veg in canning jars like I did in the US...not happening here. No space, cost of fuel, and the stoves and oven are undersized and underpowered. It still make me very uncomfortable to open the kitchen cupboards and look and say to myself "If something happens and I cannot shop we will be hungry in two days and very, very hungry in four."

 

Aside from not being able to store food, this sounds like such a wonderful way to live! Can I come live with you for a while? I'd love to try your way of living. I promise not to eat much!:)