KrissiK Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 DS was horrible today. I battled him all day today and I'm basically in tears and sick to my stomach because he has been so disrespectful and defiant. But, that's a whole different post. Anyhow, my query to the hive is... he's got a Little League game tonight. Yes, I do consider LL a privilege and he enjoys it, but it is also a committment and a responsibility to the team and so I hesitate to make him miss his game as consequences for his horrible behaviour. Besides, with him, consequences are hit or miss in regards to how they affect him and his behaviour. The mood he's in now he actually wants to miss his game, so that kind of nullifies the "consequence effect". But, as a matter of principle, I'm curious as to who considers sports a privilege to be taken away as behaviour warrants, or a committment and responsibility and you use other things as consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
simka2 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I have never used team sports as a punishment. My kids are very athletic and I have felt that it would be punishing the rest of the team as well. That said, they would go and then come straight home. Chores and bed to immediatly follow. No after game treat, which is big in our family :D. If the behavior is becoming a pattern, I "might" let the coach know a week in advance that if the behavior continues he might be done for the season. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 IMO you are responsible to the team and missing games as "punishment" undermines the ethos one hopes to instill through team sport. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MyLittleWonders Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I have never used team sports as a punishment. My kids are very athletic and I have felt that it would be punishing the rest of the team as well. That said, they would go and then come straight home. Chores and bed to immediatly follow. No after game treat, which is big in our family :D. If the behavior is becoming a pattern, I "might" let the coach know a week in advance that if the behavior continues he might be done for the season. :iagree: Same philosophy here too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AK_Mom4 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Missing games never worked for us either, usually because DH was coaching or the coach was counting on the child to be there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dinsfamily Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 Missinng sports (practice or game) wouldn't bean option for us either. I think honoring the committment to the team is more important. I can also think of a half dozen other things to take away...like screens for us. I might consider taking a season off as punishment, though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I've done this with my son before. He has to go to the game, sit out, watch it, and he has to explain to his coach why he's not playing and apologize. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pretty in Pink Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 IMO you are responsible to the team and missing games as "punishment" undermines the ethos one hopes to instill through team sport. Bill I agree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 I've done this with my son before. He has to go to the game, sit out, watch it, and he has to explain to his coach why he's not playing and apologize. :iagree: The bonus is, if they NEED them to play you can cave in (for the good of the team). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imprimis Posted April 12, 2011 Share Posted April 12, 2011 IMO you are responsible to the team and missing games as "punishment" undermines the ethos one hopes to instill through team sport. Bill :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Yes. I don't see why not. In GOOD schools that value education, a student might miss a practice or game or even be kicked off the team as part of their disciplinary action. It should be rare. And they have to explain to the coach why it happened. I would expect the coach and the team to strongly encourage them to shape up for the good of the team. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NanceXToo Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I wouldn't. 1) I paid the registration fee. 2) It is a commitment to a team, not just to himself, and it's not fair to the team. 3) It's exercise, which is good for him- and a lack thereof might make his attitude even worse. 4) It teaches good values in and of itself, in regard to sportsmanship, commitment, teamwork, respect (as the coach would likely not allow himself or anyone else to be disrespected) and so on. I'd find another way. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I've done this with my son before. He has to go to the game, sit out, watch it, and he has to explain to his coach why he's not playing and apologize. This is how I would handle it. If you've got a good coach, he'll talk to the boy about his attitude as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Thinking all these answers over. I have said ds would miss a practice (though it didn't come to that) but I would be more hesitant to do that with a game for the reasons others have stated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurad1125 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 IMO you are responsible to the team and missing games as "punishment" undermines the ethos one hopes to instill through team sport. Bill But you have a greater responsibility to your child and if missing a game is needed as a consequence, then we miss the game. If that causes a problem for the team, that's the child's problem and he or she needs to deal with the fall out. Schoolwork and behavior at home are more important than sports (scouts, orchestra, whatever group activity it is). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 But you have a greater responsibility to your child and if missing a game is needed as a consequence, then we miss the game. If that causes a problem for the team, that's the child's problem and he or she needs to deal with the fall out. Schoolwork and behavior at home are more important than sports (scouts, orchestra, whatever group activity it is). :iagree: Also, I do think it is important to learn that our behavior affects others outside our immediate scope. It is important to learn that if he doesn't want to let the team/family/employer/friend down - he has to behave accordingly and act responsibly. If he wants to have extracurriculars, great, but he has to put the effort into getting his school work done and honoring his family first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 But you have a greater responsibility to your child and if missing a game is needed as a consequence, then we miss the game. If that causes a problem for the team, that's the child's problem and he or she needs to deal with the fall out. Schoolwork and behavior at home are more important than sports (scouts, orchestra, whatever group activity it is). Hmmm, I agree, but otoh if the team can't play that game at all because of being short one person, that doesn't seem fair to them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) Hmmm, I agree, but otoh if the team can't play that game at all because of being short one person, that doesn't seem fair to them. Sure. Which is why it should be rare. And if he KNOWS the consequence for his team, doesn't he have a duty to act responsibly, if not for his own sake, then for theirs? And if he doesn't, what does that say about his desire to be a team player to begin with? ETA: Life in general,much less on a team, isn't fair. You can be the best player out there, but if your team looses, so do you. Likewise, you can be a stinky player on a winning team. The FIRST team my kids play for is the HOME team. :D It is our job to help every member of this family do well. When one of us stumbles, we all feel it. When one of us does well, we all are better for it. Edited April 13, 2011 by Martha Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
linders Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Like you said, it is a commitment to the team. Here, loss of video/screen time (it's mom and dad's equipment, if you can't respect us you can't use it) and extra chores (you wore me out so you can do some of my work) are the popular consequences. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Welllll sometimes it could come down to deciding if you are going to disappoint the team or not. If things got way out of hand I would do it. More likely I would be sure we came directly home without hanging out or having ice cream. In our world threatening worked just fine. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 (edited) But you have a greater responsibility to your child and if missing a game is needed as a consequence, then we miss the game. If that causes a problem for the team, that's the child's problem and he or she needs to deal with the fall out. Schoolwork and behavior at home are more important than sports (scouts, orchestra, whatever group activity it is). The responsibility to ones child includes teaching them you don't let down your team. That is a huge part of why team sports are of value in the first place. If one is not going to meet ones commitment to a team, one ought not join that team in the first place. Bill Edited April 13, 2011 by Spy Car Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mosaicmind Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Agree with most here. You punish not just him but the whole team. What does he enjoy? What would he miss more than anything if it was taken away? That is what I look at taking away when I punish my kids. Today for example my ds/13 decided he was going to cop an attitude with me and I said that he would not get any computer privileges until his attitude changes. Well, it's 10pm and he just got the computer back. He didn't think I would do it and it took me taking the wireless box away but I did it. He was more than nice about asking for it back. This is what works for us and I would do it again in a heartbeat because I know it works. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 The responsibility to ones child includes teaching them you don't let your team. That is a huge part of why team sports are of value in the first place. If one is not going to meet ones commitment to a team, one ought not join than team in the first place. Bill Most schools will do the same thing, Bill. If you get written up you ride the bench. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elfgivas Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :grouphug: its hard. looking at the clock, you've already decided. but for tomorrow, it might be good tonight to sit down and come up with a list of how you are going to handle any disrespect. i would come up with a schedule of what he is doing when, and stick to it. you can give him a copy. then, i would have little notes to myself. in our house, it looks something like... first moment of verbal disrespect, and he has to pick up five things in the room he is in. second moment of verbal disrespect, five more things, with a warning that if it continues he will lose tv. third moment of disrespect, he loses tv for the rest of the day, and receives a reminder that he is going to do school and do it pleasantly, and he can do it now or after he has lost everything, his call. fourth moment of disrespect, the computer goes for the day, and tv and computer for the following day. fifth moment, he goes to his room for 20 minutes while you drink tea, eat chocolate and recover.... then you ask him to call his dad and explain the difficulty to him. or whatever you decide. in our house, it has to be immediate to be effective. usually after they've picked up 10 or 15 things, i can tease them that i want them to continue to be defiant, as pretty soon the whole house will be tidy, and that relaxes the atmosphere and it gets better.... but that's because we've been down that road many times before. good luck! ann Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ferdie Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Most schools will do the same thing, Bill. If you get written up you ride the bench. That is not how I remember it in high school and college sports. If our coach found out that we had a bad attitude with a person in authority he would run us even harder. I can't imagine a coach telling a player is miss a practice because of a bad attitude or misbehavior. It would be the opposite. You would be in practice and expect to get your b*** kicked. My kids play rec sports with volunteer coaches. We do everything we can to be at every practice and game out of respect for our coach's time. Actually when my ds has a poor attitude I think a good workout helps him redirect and refocus. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 If it would cause the team to have to forfeit the game, then no way. Only if they are sick or an emergency would I allow them to miss and cause the team to forfeit. There are too many other ways to deal with attitudes. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Frankly, pulling acting out young men from sports is counter productive. It is like keeping ADD\ADHD kids in from recess. Boys with 'tude need *more* structured, monitored and Coached physical outlets, not less. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Frankly, pulling acting out young men from sports is counter productive. It is like keeping ADD\ADHD kids in from recess. Boys with 'tude need *more* structured, monitored and Coached physical outlets, not less. I agree! :001_huh: It isn't either or? Not going to game does not equal sitting on duff pouting in front of the tv at home? My kids are usually given some kind of physical labor when they get an attitude. Usually cleaning something or yard work or repairs or...;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Frankly, pulling acting out young men from sports is counter productive. It is like keeping ADD\ADHD kids in from recess. Boys with 'tude need *more* structured, monitored and Coached physical outlets, not less. Yep. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather in Neverland Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 The responsibility to ones child includes teaching them you don't let down your team. That is a huge part of why team sports are of value in the first place. If one is not going to meet ones commitment to a team, one ought not join than team in the first place. Bill I agree with Bill (write that on your calendar!). As a former coach, it was VERY detrimental to our team when a parent would pull their kid. It hurts the rest of the team. Honor your commitment...that's just as important a lesson as don't be disrespectful. In fact, not honoring your commitment IS disrespectful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 IMO you are responsible to the team and missing games as "punishment" undermines the ethos one hopes to instill through team sport. Bill :iagree: I have coached a basketball team of 7 year olds, one boy told me his father told him he had to sit out the first half of the game as a punishment for not doing his homework. I was hopping mad. there was not enough kids that day for a team, ( only 3) I ended up wrestling with my conscious and telling the boy to play, otherwise the game would be a forfeit, and tell his dad to come speak to me at the end of the game. His dad never showed up. In a team sport, it punishes the whole team to have players not turn up. not just the kid. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 The responsibility to ones child includes teaching them you don't let down your team. That is a huge part of why team sports are of value in the first place. If one is not going to meet ones commitment to a team, one ought not join that team in the first place. Bill :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I've done this with my son before. He has to go to the game, sit out, watch it, and he has to explain to his coach why he's not playing and apologize. If I were that child, I would NEVER sign up for an outside activity again, EVER. And my dc would have reacted the same way. Most schools will do the same thing, Bill. If you get written up you ride the bench. Not really, unless your child has been arrested. I am a high school coach. Our school suspends you from participation that day for unexcused absences, drugs, and alcohol. Academic probation requires failing 2 classes with C's in the other 3. There's a great deal of difference. Sassing does not get you suspended. Picking on/ ridiculing/ pushing your classmates does not get you suspended. Copping an attitude does not get you suspended. Not doing your homework does not get you suspended. Sitting in your desk and doing nothing does not get you suspended. Refusing to do classroom chores does not get you suspended. Texting/gaming during class does not get you suspended OTOH, I can suspend them or even kick them off the team, for missing games or practices. Making them miss random games teaches them that they can commit to things, without actually committing to them. Sort of like getting married, while planning the divorce. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 That is not how I remember it in high school and college sports. If our coach found out that we had a bad attitude with a person in authority he would run us even harder. I can't imagine a coach telling a player is miss a practice because of a bad attitude or misbehavior. It would be the opposite. You would be in practice and expect to get your b*** kicked. My kids play rec sports with volunteer coaches. We do everything we can to be at every practice and game out of respect for our coach's time. Actually when my ds has a poor attitude I think a good workout helps him redirect and refocus. I did not say miss a practice. I said go and ride the bench, there's a difference. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :iagree: Also, I do think it is important to learn that our behavior affects others outside our immediate scope. It is important to learn that if he doesn't want to let the team/family/employer/friend down - he has to behave accordingly and act responsibly(...) YES. Letting the team down can be a BIG consequence, and a great teaching moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dad 4 Boys Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I've been on both sides of this issue as a coach and a parent. As a parent, I've made my kids sit out both games and practices for disciplinary reasons. When they've been required to do that it has also involved apologizing to their teammates as a group for not being able to participate. Additionally, they have to go the practice/game and watch their teammates. If this had involved a team forfeiting a game due to lack of players so be it. That's part of the misconduct and its consequences. I would immediately remove my kid from a team where the coach wouldn't honor this request. The coaches that have been involved with my kids have supported it, and have even used it on their own kids on these teams. As a coach, I have fully supported parents who have made this decision with their own kids. The situations have ranged from a kid being kept at home for discipline to a kid riding the bench for discipline. If one of these occurences had caused a forfeit situation, I would have honored the parents wishes and forfeited the game. I understand the commitment to the team aspect, but there also has to be some accountability for their actions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In The Great White North Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I did not say miss a practice. I said go and ride the bench, there's a difference. :001_huh:!! :thumbdown::thumbdown::thumbdown: If you send him to my practice or meet, and tell me he can't swim, I will call you to come and pick him up. I have enough to do without baby-sitting someone on the bench. Parents need to take care of their problems at home and not inflict them on the coach! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happypamama Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Missing practice for disrespectful attitude, yes. Missing a game, probably not, because that's not right to the other parents. I would be furious if I spent my hard-earned money and time to take my child to a game, and then my child couldn't play because someone else's child was being punished. Kids don't really have the foresight to think, "My being disrespectful to Mom now means that my friends Johnny and Billy won't be able to play in the game tonight." Before I'd have a child miss a game or something that would have a serious effect on other people's children, it would have to be an ongoing pattern of disrespect, and I'd be more inclined to withdraw for the season, rather than miss a game. While I agree that children need to learn that their actions affect others, I think the repercussions of children keeping other children from playing are likely to be harsher and more long-lasting than necessary; kids can be so cruel and mean to each other, far beyond the scope of forfeiting one game. I do like the idea of making the child apologize to the coach, though, for missing a practice/game, if that's what the parent decides; I have made my children apologize to other adults when their dawdling made us late and therefore inconvenienced someone else. But I have no problem with missing an occasional practice. Your family and responsibilities at home come first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ester Maria Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 A consequence of not allowing the child to go and play some "informal" football (or you insert activity here) with friends in the neighborhood one afternoon might be appropriate. A consequence of not allowing the child committed to a group sport to play in a game - especially in an official or semi-official context - would probably not be appropriate, except maybe for "big" offenses. Of course, as I do not have kids in team sports, this is all theoretical to me and those of you that do might reason differently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Desert Rat Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 But the entire team wasn't defiant and mean. So why punish the entire team? I would think of another punishment. If every parent pulled a child from a game as a form of punishment, there wouldn't be a full team to play anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lionfamily1999 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I've been on both sides of this issue as a coach and a parent. As a parent, I've made my kids sit out both games and practices for disciplinary reasons. When they've been required to do that it has also involved apologizing to their teammates as a group for not being able to participate. Additionally, they have to go the practice/game and watch their teammates. If this had involved a team forfeiting a game due to lack of players so be it. That's part of the misconduct and its consequences. I would immediately remove my kid from a team where the coach wouldn't honor this request. The coaches that have been involved with my kids have supported it, and have even used it on their own kids on these teams. As a coach, I have fully supported parents who have made this decision with their own kids. The situations have ranged from a kid being kept at home for discipline to a kid riding the bench for discipline. If one of these occurences had caused a forfeit situation, I would have honored the parents wishes and forfeited the game. I understand the commitment to the team aspect, but there also has to be some accountability for their actions. :hurray::iagree: When I coached and as a leader in other activities, part of what I was responsible for was setting an example. :001_huh:!! :thumbdown::thumbdown::thumbdown: If you send him to my practice or meet, and tell me he can't swim, I will call you to come and pick him up. I have enough to do without baby-sitting someone on the bench. Parents need to take care of their problems at home and not inflict them on the coach! I suppose that's a different coaching philosophy than others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurad1125 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 The responsibility to ones child includes teaching them you don't let down your team. That is a huge part of why team sports are of value in the first place. If one is not going to meet ones commitment to a team, one ought not join that team in the first place. Bill Yes, that is an important lesson. Too few people honor their commitments in this society. But isn't the child responsible for meeting that commitment? Not the parents? Therefore, the child has a responsibility to do what he or she has to do (school work/behave well/etc.) in order to meet that commitment. That's part of the lesson too.... Let's use being on time to work as an example. Suppose I'm speeding and an officer sees me. He's not going to say to himself, "Well she's on her way to work and if I stop her she'll be late." I speed = I get pulled over. Yes, it may make me late to work but that's my problem not the officer's. If I want to be on time (thus honoring a commitment I've made to my employer), I need to not speed. If a child is going to honor his commitment to a team, then he has to do what is required of him at home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
laurad1125 Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Frankly, pulling acting out young men from sports is counter productive. It is like keeping ADD\ADHD kids in from recess. Boys with 'tude need *more* structured, monitored and Coached physical outlets, not less. That is an excellent point! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 Yes, that is an important lesson. Too few people honor their commitments in this society. But isn't the child responsible for meeting that commitment? Not the parents? Therefore, the child has a responsibility to do what he or she has to do (school work/behave well/etc.) in order to meet that commitment. That's part of the lesson too.... Let's use being on time to work as an example. Suppose I'm speeding and an officer sees me. He's not going to say to himself, "Well she's on her way to work and if I stop her she'll be late." I speed = I get pulled over. Yes, it may make me late to work but that's my problem not the officer's. If I want to be on time (thus honoring a commitment I've made to my employer), I need to not speed. If a child is going to honor his commitment to a team, then he has to do what is required of him at home. It is a false analogy. Being stopped on the way to work may (or may not) make one late for work. But the "delay" caused by the necessity of time required by ticket writing is not intended as punishment. The transgressor is not sent home for the day. These days one could be "ticketed" by a traffic camera and not realize it until days later when a ticket arrives in the mail. What is being discussed here is deliberately disallowing a child from participating in an activity they have committed to (a commitment team-mates and coaches count on being fulfilled) as a punishment for behavior unrelated to that commitment. This is a serious breach of sporting ethos, and for good reason as this goes to building character. There are other ways to "punish" without making others the victims of a child's loss of privileges. And, except for extreme cases where behavior is so bad that participation in the honor of being on a team must be forfeited, there are better ways to punish bad behavior that don't take it out on innocent team-mates. And, as Joanne right noted, it is important not to cut physical activities for children struggling with behavioral issues as this is often the best means these children have to work through their stresses. So it is a very counterproductive form of punishment on all levels, and just not smart. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KrissiK Posted April 13, 2011 Author Share Posted April 13, 2011 What is being discussed here is deliberately disallowing a child from participating in an activity they have committed to (a commitment team-mates and coaches count on being fulfilled) as a punishment for behavior unrelated to that commitment. This is a serious breach of sporting ethos, and for good reason as this goes to building character. There are other ways to "punish" without making others the victims of a child's loss of privileges. And, except for extreme cases where behavior is so bad that participation in the honor of being on a team must be forfeited, there are better ways to punish bad behavior that don't take it out on innocent team-mates. And, as Joanne right noted, it is important not to cut physical activities for children struggling with behavioral issues as this is often the best means these children have to work through their stresses. So it is a very counterproductive form of punishment on all levels, and just not smart. Bill :iagree: Well, I do agree with the majority of the posters, which is why we allowed him to play last night, and it was the right decision. For one thing, it broke the cycle of his behaviour. If we would have stayed home, I think things would have continued to escalate. He did need the physical outlet (even though I did send him out running during school time to burn off some attitude) and I needed a break. Daddy talked to him after the game pretty seriously, so we'll see what happens today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 If a child was in a play or had a performance with an orchestra, where they were the only one playing a certain part (no understudies or others who know the part) would it be right to make them miss a performance for discipline reasons? I can't imagine shrugging and saying to the director/rest of the cast, "I'm sorry, but so and so was disrespectful, so he can't be in the show tonight." Again, a rehearsal maybe. Just another perspective on it....... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
woolybear Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 And, as Joanne right noted, it is important not to cut physical activities for children struggling with behavioral issues as this is often the best means these children have to work through their stresses. So it is a very counterproductive form of punishment on all levels, and just not smart. Bill I find that just before they "work through their stresses" physically, having a quick reminder about the issue and later, after or the next day, talking in more detail is more beneficial in the long run than a harsher punishment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spy Car Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 :iagree: Well, I do agree with the majority of the posters, which is why we allowed him to play last night, and it was the right decision. For one thing, it broke the cycle of his behaviour. If we would have stayed home, I think things would have continued to escalate. He did need the physical outlet (even though I did send him out running during school time to burn off some attitude) and I needed a break. Daddy talked to him after the game pretty seriously, so we'll see what happens today. I'm glad it worked out. Running laps can be a great form of therapathy. I think for many it is almost "necessary" on a bio-chemical to help bring balance to a struggling child. And physical fitness is never a bad thing. You might consider a morning routine of sending your son on a run and seeing how that impacts his behavior. Bill Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I wouldn't use games as a punishment. Being on a team is a committment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted April 13, 2011 Share Posted April 13, 2011 I don't have my DD miss performances or rehearsals that lead to performances. Park days, co-op classes, and other "fun" stuff, though, are fair game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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