Do you cater to your child's food preferences?

[JFSinIL]

Only for the one girl who can't eat pork (or is it beef?) for religious reasons.

[prairiewindmomma]

No, I don't cater to my kids. I do have friends whose children only eat a VERY limited toddler diet because my friends are willing to make separate meals for each family member. :001_huh:

[kaylk in tx]

:D That's me. I find the taste of most vegetables revolting. I used to vomit as well. I truly can not stand the texture of most vegetables. I try to get my good vegetable intake in other ways. I do like a good salad. :D

 

I have no clue, but I wonder if there is a sensory or allergy issue involved.

 

Many times as a kid I was forced to eat veggies only to throw them up. They truly taste nauseating and no amount of "trying" changed that. Now I can at least cook them without the smell making me gag but that's about the only improvement. So, yes, I cater to my kids because I know what it's like from the other side.

[Paige]

I'm a little sensitive to this type of question because I have had pathologically picky eaters with severe reflux and sensory issues. It feels like the type of thread where people self congratulate themselves as if they are responsible for their good eaters and all those poor parents of picky eaters just need to get a backbone and quit catering and the kids will magically get over it. I will say, there are not that many kids who live on a very limited picky diet. If you encounter one among your child's friends, you should not judge the parents. Trust me, they are frustrated too and they have tried all your simple tricks to get the child to eat more and they probably thank God that their child will eat whatever is on "the list" because it means no feeding tubes. Seriously. I doubt any parent of picky eaters has not tried letting the kids miss a meal or two because they didn't like what was served.

 

As for the original question, I believe it is a combination of nature and nurture. The picky children are born that way, for what could be a variety of reasons. With nurture, it is possible to overcome their nature but it is not easy or simple, and many doctors are not educated or sensitive enough, or do not have the resources to give the parents guidance on how to nurture their picky eaters. I was blessed to have a doctor who took my concerns seriously and sent us to a feeding clinic and referred us to therapy. This could not have happened if we didn't live in a large metro area with a feeding clinic. Most other parents of picky eaters, with stories similar to mine, have not had someone to hold their hand and walk them through how to get past their child's feeding problems. Just be thankful that you were born with typical healthy children because you cannot imagine the stress of living day to day for years with a picky eater and trying to keep that seriously picky eater healthy.

[Jenny in Florida]

I was that kid. I really and truly did feel nauseous just from looking at/smelling most foods. I had no idea how anybody could stand to get those foods close enough to their faces to actually taste them. Right after I went to college, it just went away. I don't know what happened. I just know that suddenly foods looked good to me (and they tasted good too).

 

My youngest is very much like me in this regard.

 

I guarantee that if it was eat or go hungry. Going hungry is what would happen. The whole week I was at Girl Scout camp the only thing I had to eat was two pieces of toast for breakfast every morning. I just couldn't stomach what they were serving for lunch or dinner or snacks.

 

Me, too. And my daughter has always been the same way.

 

My parents both had food issues (clean your plate club, etc.) and weight problems. So, they swore they would not fight with me about food. If I didn't like the pork chops but still wanted dessert, fine. If all I would eat was the mashed potatoes, fine.

 

I grew up picky AND have fought my weight my whole life.

 

With our daughter, we tried for a balance. We didn't force her to try things, but we also didn't allow unhealthy treats in place of real food. So, if I made black bean burritos for the grown-ups and she wouldn't eat them, I'd put "components" on her plate: rice, corn niblets, tortillas, etc. And she'd drink a glass of soy milk to replace the bean protein.

 

And you know what? She's still picky AND fights her weight, too.

 

One time, my husband decided the kid was going to try the darned spaghetti, already. He declared that she wouldn't leave the dinner table or get anything else to eat until she had one bite of the stupid pasta.

 

An hour and uncounted tears later, she choked down one bite, vomited it back up a few minutes later and has NEVER eaten pasta of any kind again. (She's now 16.)

 

She went to camp for three weeks when she was 12. From what I can tell, she ate bagels, other bread, french fries and some fresh fruit while she was gone. She drank apple or orange juice when it was available. That was pretty much it, for three weeks.

 

Over the years, she has voluntarily expanded her food repetoire. Nowadays, her favorite foods are chana masala (curried chickpeas) and really garlic-y hummus. She eats a few kinds of fresh fruit, different kinds of rice, potatoes in various forms, sweet potatoes, corn niblets or corn on the cob, lots of different kinds of bread (whole wheat, sourdough, crackers, etc.), several Indian-style dishes with lentils or chickpeas, falafel, hummus, a few kinds of fruit-based muffins and certain other things. She drinks soy milk, orange juice and occasionally apple juice (and lots of water). She will now and then try something new, especially if it's got curry and smells good.

 

What she won't touch is pasta.

 

She understands that her food preferences limit her experiences in some ways, and she does her best to be polite about the whole thing. But it's her life and her health at this point. She takes responsibility for feeding herself. It is what it is.

 

Meanwhile, we took the exact same approach with our son, and his food preferences are very different. Pasta with tomato sauce is his favorite food on earth. His repetoire isn't significantly bigger than our daughter's, but it's made up of different foods. He also really loves to eat and enjoys cooking for himself. And his weight is fine, maybe a little on the low side, but not something he's likely to struggle with much in his life.

 

As an adult, I'm still on the picky side. For the most part, the foods I won't touch tend to be things people either insisted I eat or sneaked into my food when I was a kid. Mushrooms, for example. And my husband has his list of things he won't eat, too.

 

So, I don't "cater" in the sense of making separate meals for everyone. However, I do try to make mostly meals of which everyone will eat at least some portion. And I plan meals for the week (when we're home enough to justify planning) so that anyone who doesn't eat what I'm serving on a given night will have the choice of eating left-overs from a previous meal. And generally, that person is responsible for getting his or her own food to the table.

 

Honestly, the idea of being forced to eat something I consider disgusting is nightmarish to me and not something I would force on any other person, no matter his or her age.

[Jilly]

I'm a little sensitive to this type of question because I have had pathologically picky eaters with severe reflux and sensory issues. It feels like the type of thread where people self congratulate themselves as if they are responsible for their good eaters and all those poor parents of picky eaters just need to get a backbone and quit catering and the kids will magically get over it. I will say, there are not that many kids who live on a very limited picky diet. If you encounter one among your child's friends, you should not judge the parents. Trust me, they are frustrated too and they have tried all your simple tricks to get the child to eat more and they probably thank God that their child will eat whatever is on "the list" because it means no feeding tubes. Seriously. I doubt any parent of picky eaters has not tried letting the kids miss a meal or two because they didn't like what was served.

 

As for the original question, I believe it is a combination of nature and nurture. The picky children are born that way, for what could be a variety of reasons.

With nurture, it is possible to overcome their nature but it is not easy or simple, and many doctors are not educated or sensitive enough, or do not have the resources to give the parents guidance on how to nurture their picky

eaters. I was blessed to have a doctor who took my concerns seriously and

sent us to a feeding clinic and referred us to therapy. This could not have

happened if we didn't live in a large metro area with a feeding clinic. Most

other parents of picky eaters, with stories similar to mine, have not had

someone to hold their hand and walk them through how to get past their

child's feeding problems. Just be thankful that you were born with typical

healthy children because you cannot imagine the stress of living day to day for

years with a picky eater and trying to keep that seriously picky eater healthy.

 

:iagree:

[Princess Peach]

Because my kids have no medical/psychological issues related to food, they eat what they are given or they do not eat. I don't make different meals for each person, I serve one meal for everyone. I don't allow them to choose to eat something else if they don't like or don't feel like what I've prepared.

 

And, because I love my family, I try to prepare food that they will like and I always make enough for them to have seconds.

[cin]

No.

 

Allergies and sensitivity is one thing, brattiness about food is another thing. Of course, taking into account what somebody truly loves and planning it every now and then is just being nice - but allowing them to take advantage of your being nice and request such treatment, no.

 

 

Yeah, I have one with SID. Some foods just make her gag. It's not a flavor thing, it's the texture. I use to think some kids/adults just needed to 'get over it'. God fixed that opinion! But even with her, I'll fix a meal and she picks out what she wants and doesn't want. (And it is interesting to see her pick apart a casserole!!!!!)

[ilovemy4kids]

Nope, back when the oldest two were younger....I believe the kids were 10,8,5 and 3 there was some whining going on.... I made up a big batch of beans and rice and served it 3 times a day with fruit and veggies for a week. Every time someone whined, I would add another meal to the week...... Eventually we stopped because it turned out the little one really liked the food and was whining on purpose. But it solved the problem, they are now 20,18, 14, and 13 and will eat whatever you give them..... thankfully.

 

We do let them pick special meals for birthday's, big achievements etc....

 

blessings

Sandra

 

Oh, the only thing I do cater to is my husbands repulsion of mushrooms.... that and really "fishy" fish makes my son ill so we do mild fish.

[ilovemy4kids]

I'm a little sensitive to this type of question because I have had pathologically picky eaters with severe reflux and sensory issues. It feels like the type of thread where people self congratulate themselves as if they are responsible for their good eaters and all those poor parents of picky eaters just need to get a backbone and quit catering and the kids will magically get over it. I will say, there are not that many kids who live on a very limited picky diet. If you encounter one among your child's friends, you should not judge the parents. Trust me, they are frustrated too and they have tried all your simple tricks to get the child to eat more and they probably thank God that their child will eat whatever is on "the list" because it means no feeding tubes. Seriously. I doubt any parent of picky eaters has not tried letting the kids miss a meal or two because they didn't like what was served.

 

.

 

:iagree: There are legitimate reasons for "picky" eaters....... mushrooms make my husband not feel well, and fishy fish makes my son vomit...... so I avoid those items.... there is a difference between "brat who won't eat" and child who needs to avoid certain things.....

[unsinkable]

I'm a little sensitive to this type of question because I have had pathologically picky eaters with severe reflux and sensory issues. It feels like the type of thread where people self congratulate themselves as if they are responsible for their good eaters and all those poor parents of picky eaters just need to get a backbone and quit catering and the kids will magically get over it. I will say, there are not that many kids who live on a very limited picky diet. If you encounter one among your child's friends, you should not judge the parents. Trust me, they are frustrated too and they have tried all your simple tricks to get the child to eat more and they probably thank God that their child will eat whatever is on "the list" because it means no feeding tubes. Seriously. I doubt any parent of picky eaters has not tried letting the kids miss a meal or two because they didn't like what was served.

 

As for the original question, I believe it is a combination of nature and nurture. The picky children are born that way, for what could be a variety of reasons. With nurture, it is possible to overcome their nature but it is not easy or simple, and many doctors are not educated or sensitive enough, or do not have the resources to give the parents guidance on how to nurture their picky eaters. I was blessed to have a doctor who took my concerns seriously and sent us to a feeding clinic and referred us to therapy. This could not have happened if we didn't live in a large metro area with a feeding clinic. Most other parents of picky eaters, with stories similar to mine, have not had someone to hold their hand and walk them through how to get past their child's feeding problems. Just be thankful that you were born with typical healthy children because you cannot imagine the stress of living day to day for years with a picky eater and trying to keep that seriously picky eater healthy.

 

Paige,

 

I totally get what you're saying. These threads pop up every month or 2 and it's the same old, same old.

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I truly wonder how many people prepare a meal they can't stomach and then sit down and force themselves to eat it.

 

On a regular basis.

 

I would guess not many.

[arghmatey]

Yes, I do.

 

During the day I give them foods they enjoy and of which I approve, and I try to add in something new or disliked in the past to give them the opportunity to acquire a taste for those things.

 

For dinner, I don't have a bland rotation. I make 2-3 new things per week and mix it in with tried and true favorites (we have a LOT of favorites). I pick something I *know* SO will like, tweak it for allergies, and serve it. I'll serve yogurt to the children as a side because I know they'll eat it, and I also serve a side I know they'll like. If they don't like the main course, then fine; they still have the other items to enjoy.

 

I will NOT keep giving them options outside of what I prepare.

 

ETA: I guess some see this as not catering. Interesting!

Edited April 5, 2011 by arghmatey

[bluemongoose]

No, not really.

 

I allow reasonable choices at breakfast and lunch. By reasonable I mean if one kid wants grilled cheese and one wants PB&J, that I will do, but I wont do something elaborate like pancakes for one kid and waffles for another. If I am making a batch of waffles, they are all eating waffles. This is mainly because I am not a cafeteria, I dont have the time and energy to cater that much, but if it is not much more work, I will.

 

At dinner, I make what I make and they can choose to eat it or not. We do not offer other foods at that time. If they choose not to eat the meal, they will not die from starvation if they wait for the next. However, DH will not allow negative comments about the food, and if they choose to say something, they are choosing to eat it. It is his method...I thought it was harsh at first, but it worked. My kids nicely ask to be excused, and say nothing about the food being "yucky".

 

We do not expect them to clean their plates before they leave the table. My parents did this, and I think it created problems for listening to you body telling you it is full. We do not give dessert, however, if the child chooses to not eat a reasonable amount of each item on their plate.

[EarleneW]

I have 1 that is PICKY! I don't fix anything else, but he will make a PB&J many nights!

[SweetMissMagnolia]

I will try and come back later and do a more detailed response--and look at more of the other replies....sometimes I do....he is on the spectrum and has food issues-haven't figured out if it's sensory or smell or if he just doesn't like certain foods--we've kinda figured out he might be vegan-he hasn't eaten "meat" (except for a tiny nibble or two) since he was a toddler when he would gobble down fish sticks or chicken nuggets happily---so my short answer is sometimes I do cater to my kid's food issues.......alot of times if he doesn't like anything the family is having for supper/etc he will either get a PBJ sandwich,jelly sandwich, or a hashbrown LOL

[FriedClams]

I don't cater. I don't offer alternatives (like a sandwich). Our rule is, "You get what you get". Don't like it? That's fine, don't eat and don't say a word about the food. My kids are tremendously flexible in what they'll eat.

[Hwin]

House full of picky eaters here. I am vegetarian, my husband hates anything with beans or rice, and my son actually eats fairly well for a 5yo.

 

We ALL have to try new foods in our house, we ALL get to have something we love a few times a week, and we ALL have those nights where can't stomach the meal on the table and head straight for the pb&j.

Edited April 5, 2011 by Hwin

[RoundAbout]

I cater to the extent that my mother did when I was a kid. For instance she would leave the mushrooms out of certain dishes or wait until my portion was served before adding them in. Little things like that.

 

My son is only 4 and probably as picky as most his age, but fortunately its not for standard kid food - he actually hates chicken nuggets and is 'meh' about pizza. Last night he ate a whole salmon burger (plain) and a huge bowl of steamed cauliflower. I can't complain.

[Ester Maria]

Yeah, I have one with SID. Some foods just make her gag. It's not a flavor thing, it's the texture. I use to think some kids/adults just needed to 'get over it'. God fixed that opinion! But even with her, I'll fix a meal and she picks out what she wants and doesn't want. (And it is interesting to see her pick apart a casserole!!!!!)

Sensory issues aside, I actually find that a number of times people know intuitively what's not good for them, even if it's not a "real" allergy. I guess each one of us has a food or two like that, which we just won't eat, there is something intuitively disgusting about it. I don't have a problem with that, as long as the diet is still balanced, kosher, with only vestiges of junk and sugar, and as long it doesn't turn into the battle of pure caprices.

 

When I hear "catering to picky eaters", I hear catering to CAPRICES (which I won't do and my daughters know that), rather than allowing some individual expression as to what's not good for somebody, actual health and cultural preferences, etc. I don't have problems with the latter and with adjusting our diet to that, within some reasonable limits, but I do have problems with just plain brattiness about food, "nothing ever being good enough for me" mentality, etc. That's what my firm no was about, in our situation, because I know all too well my kids' attempts to manipulate this topic and monopolize what we eat. They do have some issues and preferences, but boy, do they try to blow them out of proportions at times - so I have to put my foot down somewhere.

[Lara in Colo]

I did not read all the posts, but I have a different take on making your child eat what you put before them.

 

I have a niece that was allowed to be a picky eater. I will give my SIL credit in that the child was (is) VERY VERY stubborn. She grew up never having to eat anything but what she would eat.

 

Pickles

potato chips

french fries (only from Arbys)

yogurt

bacon

ice cream

 

 

this is it. (there may be more, but this is all I have heard about)

 

She never learned to eat well. --granted.

 

Putting the health issues aside.

 

She never learned to SUBMIT (to anyone--esp her parents)

 

You cannot tell her to do anything.

She flunked out of school, not because she isn't smart but because she wouldn't do her assignments.

 

She dated who she wanted

She cannot hold down a job (where there is a "boss")

She shows up for "casual appointments" (meeting her sister to babysit) late and leaves early.

She doesn't clean up her messes--(she cooked bacon while babysitting at her sister's and left the bacon grease on the walls, counters, dishes etc-)

 

At family meals, she eats only what she wants, but all of it--meaning no one else gets any pickles or potato chips because she ate them all.

 

She doesn't argue with you about stuff, she just looks through you and tunes out everything you say.

 

I know the problem is very complex.

But I truly believe this began with a 2yo who realized she could get away with anything and escalated from there.

 

This is a person who is uninteresting, uneducated, (you cannot carry on an intelligent conversation with her), broke, unreliable and basically not very likeable.

 

I had a child headed this way. She is the same kind of stubborn and it rears its head many times in many instances. However, she knows that I will hold my ground. She now pushes less everytime. (think about a child who didn't want to homeschool and realize how my life stunk last year). I think it started with parents that wouldn't let her get away with not eating her breakfast, or made her start over when she forced herself to vomit it up. Last week she got in trouble at church for over stuffing easter eggs (only ONE piece each)--she was putting 2-3 pieces in. She had to be told several times by the adult at her table--by the time I got involved-she had submitted (yea!).

 

I truly think that picky eater issues can become long lasting submission issues.

[Desert Strawberry]

Nope. We eat a varied, nutritious diet. I expect them to eat whatever I cook. If i serve grilled pork with sweet and sour orange sauce, rice and stir fried bok choy (tonight's dinner), they can eat as much or as little as they like of it. If they don't want to eat, they don't have to. If they want more of one thing, they have to finish whatever is on their plate.

 

In general, my kids eat everything. My oldest does not care for mushrooms and eggs. If we are having an egg dish (say eggs, bacon and hashbrowns) I won't serve him the egg. But if it's something like french toast, he can suck it up and eat it.

 

My babies have all had food intolerances. We work around that. No sense in poisoning the baby.

[Impish]

I honestly have a hard time believing that a parent would deliberately make and try and force a child to eat something that would make them want to be ill. My kids aren't picky, but there are some things, as I mentioned before, that Diva will not eat. She's loathed eggs since she was a baby. She's never given eggs as an 'eat it or go hungry'. We know she hates them.

 

But, I won't become a short order cook. When Princess up and decides that she doesn't like spaghetti, her normal all time fave, just as an attempt at a power play (she wanted something else) then its down from the table, see you.

 

To me, there's a huge difference btwn 'catering' and working with/around strong dislikes. Catering to me brings to mind making several different meals just to get everyone to the table. Since we don't have allergies, sensory issues, etc, its not something that is needed in our family.

[kchara]

Nope, I don't. Now, we don't have allergies or any other medical issues. If my kids don't like what I'm serving, they're free to drink a glass of milk or go hungry. They get no other options beyond the milk. If they persist in whining or being rude and ungrateful, they will be watching and reading stories of children who really don't have food to eat, and who are truly starving. If they REALLY go into meltdown, they'll also be writing a report about it.

 

And I do hold to the same standards for myself and DH. I make foods routinely that I don't like, because everyone else does. And DH, who is a picky eater in my book, has had to learn to suck it up or pick it out. I don't make foods everyone hates very often, but every once in a while, I'll make a favorite of mine.

[elise1mds]

I honestly have a hard time believing that a parent would deliberately make and try and force a child to eat something that would make them want to be ill. My kids aren't picky, but there are some things, as I mentioned before, that Diva will not eat. She's loathed eggs since she was a baby. She's never given eggs as an 'eat it or go hungry'. We know she hates them.

 

But, I won't become a short order cook. When Princess up and decides that she doesn't like spaghetti, her normal all time fave, just as an attempt at a power play (she wanted something else) then its down from the table, see you.

 

To me, there's a huge difference btwn 'catering' and working with/around strong dislikes. Catering to me brings to mind making several different meals just to get everyone to the table. Since we don't have allergies, sensory issues, etc, its not something that is needed in our family.

 

 

I haven't read all the other replies, but this is pretty close to how we do things. I know that DD hates cauliflower. But when it came time to select her birthday dinner a week or two ago, she wanted corn dogs, French fries, and steamed broccoli. She went through a long phase, from about 18 mo. to 3 years, where she refused to eat anything green. If it was green, she ignored it. It got to the point she wouldn't eat anything that was on the same plate as a green food. I didn't force-feed it to her, but I did feed it to her - literally. She would eat it that way. And she got over a lot of her 'fears,' so to speak, and now enjoys salads and a variety of foods.

 

DH is actually my picky eater... he comes from a family of them and actually is one of the best eaters in his family! He has a long, long list of foods that he claims not to like, mostly fruits, though eggplant and yogurt are also on the list. He has come around to yogurt as long as it's cooked into a dish, and there are times I will haul home eggplant or another food he doesn't like and tell him he is a big boy and can get over it.

 

I know people who do 'cater,' but it's just too much extra work!

[elise1mds]

I'm a little sensitive to this type of question because I have had pathologically picky eaters with severe reflux and sensory issues. It feels like the type of thread where people self congratulate themselves as if they are responsible for their good eaters and all those poor parents of picky eaters just need to get a backbone and quit catering and the kids will magically get over it. I will say, there are not that many kids who live on a very limited picky diet. If you encounter one among your child's friends, you should not judge the parents. Trust me, they are frustrated too and they have tried all your simple tricks to get the child to eat more and they probably thank God that their child will eat whatever is on "the list" because it means no feeding tubes. Seriously. I doubt any parent of picky eaters has not tried letting the kids miss a meal or two because they didn't like what was served.

 

As for the original question, I believe it is a combination of nature and nurture. The picky children are born that way, for what could be a variety of reasons. With nurture, it is possible to overcome their nature but it is not easy or simple, and many doctors are not educated or sensitive enough, or do not have the resources to give the parents guidance on how to nurture their picky eaters. I was blessed to have a doctor who took my concerns seriously and sent us to a feeding clinic and referred us to therapy. This could not have happened if we didn't live in a large metro area with a feeding clinic. Most other parents of picky eaters, with stories similar to mine, have not had someone to hold their hand and walk them through how to get past their child's feeding problems. Just be thankful that you were born with typical healthy children because you cannot imagine the stress of living day to day for years with a picky eater and trying to keep that seriously picky eater healthy.

 

This is different than being 'picky.' I have one friend who has severe allergies to many, many foods (I am one of the few people who knows her entire allergy list). Her husband has Crohn's and has a different list of foods he can't eat. Her daughter has SPD; her son has several food allergies and they are constantly discovering more. They make different foods for each person at each meal as a necessity. This is an entirely different scenario than another family I know with several children where the mom will order a pizza and then pick off various bits for each child and feels that this is a better alternative than making the child try a new food because she doesn't want to hear the scream if the child doesn't like it. Two extreme ends, but I think it makes my point. :)

[Paige]

I honestly have a hard time believing that a parent would deliberately make and try and force a child to eat something that would make them want to be ill.

 

I do it and have done it all the time. It's the only way to desensitize them. Granted, if there were only a few foods that they hated it would be different but there was a time when almost everything made them vomit and gag. I don't always make them swallow and chew but they must put it to their lips, or in their mouth, or something depending on what level of desensitization they need. I don't do it with company over or force them to eat crazy things or things that are very different from the foods they do accept. I don't need to do it often anymore because they are now eating a mostly normal diet. They eat a mostly normal diet because of me forcing the issue in the past. And they are much happier children for it and will be much happier adults because of it. Hungry children who cannot eat the meals other people are eating are not happy children. I do not believe people enjoy being picky eaters!

[C_l_e_0..Q_c]

They eat a mostly normal diet because of me forcing the issue in the past. <snip> I do not believe people enjoy being picky eaters!

 

I don't know your children, but I don't agree in general terms with the bolded. My son was extremely picky and we never forced the issue. He is now 13 and eats almost anything as long as it's healthy food - he will not eat junk of any type, but I won't complain. At least he eats healthy! So he has a mostly normal diet and yet we never forced the issue. I was the same as a child, my parents never forced me, and the pickiness disappeared on its own. How can you be sure it's because you forced the issue? I come from a family of picky eaters that were never forced and we're all eating normally as adults. My own mom only ate chocolate pudding as a child! For years! (thankfully it was pre-jello days, so the pudding was homemade, it was basically milk and eggs).

 

On the other hand, I'm with you 100% with the other sentence. People do not enjoy being picky eaters. They do it for a reason. They truly are disgusted by the food. I remember how the smell of green peppers would make me throw up. I just couldn't be in the same room as a green pepper! That was my worst aversion, and only disappeared a couple of years ago (I'm 45!) While I don't enjoy green peppers now, I can prepare them and cook with them.

[HistoryMom]

I'm pretty hard-core about this stuff. DH and I both have weight issues so I'm trying hard to make healthy foods and reasonable portions the "normal" for our family.

 

1. They must TRY everything on their plates, but they don't have to finish it.

2. If they want seconds of anything, they have to have cleaned the first plate, including the veggies or whole grains.

3. If they eat everything on their plates, and they get hungry later, they can have a healthy snack. If they haven't, they can finish their dinner plate, which will be in the fridge waiting for them.

4. I believe that vegetarian is the healthiest way to eat, so even though I serve meat, anyone can say, "no, thanks."

5. I ignore any statement with the construction: "I'm not hungry for [offered dinner food]; I'm hungry for [preferred dinner food]." Hungry is about fuel, not about tastiness or preference.

5. Desserts are reserved for Fridays, and anyone who has followed the "try everything" rule gets it. No whining the rest of the week.

 

I do try to make healthy things everyone will like, but I believe strongly that people learn to like things that they are exposed to with some frequency. I also have some "build-your-own" meals, like tacos and pasta, to which they can add as many or as few meats and veggies as they like.

[Amy in NH]

So how would you handle a child who vomited after one bite? This happens every time I've tried to institute the same rule.

 

Maybe you don't know the answer, and perhaps others could chime in. I honestly wish I could get a handle on this problem.

 

In our house, the veges can be eaten frozen, fresh, or cooked. For instance - if we are planning to have peas - my dd doesn't care for them cooked, so she will eat her serving frozen while the rest of the peas cook. My sister didn't like cooked carrots, so my mother let her eat them raw. None of us like cooked spinach, but we all found out we like it fresh and now it's a favorite in salads. If it's truly a texture issue, I think that serving them in a different state might help. Maybe he has a sensory integration issue?

 

Also, we allow our children to use Ranch dressing (Newman's all natural) or Ketchup as a dip. That has helped a lot with both complaints and eating whole servings. Over time they use less "dip" and come to like the foods as they're served.

[Lolly]

I try not to sweat the veggie thing too much. My sister was like this with veggies and she grew out of a lot of it. I have always loved veggies. I think some people taste the bitterness more strongly than others.

 

It would sort of seem easy to just leave that out, but not having veggies excludes a lot of dishes (even soups). And I don't cook starches so that leaves just meat. I do make homemade bread though that my son likes.

 

I've always had a major aversion to onions. I'm lucky I do all of the cooking and don't have to deal with them. That was rough on me growing up. Even as a baby my mother said I'd gag and puke over baby food if it contained onion powder.

 

:lol:My dh eats meat. It is almost exclusive. He dislikes all vegetables. He will eat green beans if they have been cooked to death in a whole lot of Dale's. Fruit tastes bitter to him. He will sometimes find an apple or pineapple that is okay. He grew up on pbj and gallons of milk. every day. Every meal. Now, he eats meat. Lots and lots of meat. Odd thing, he is really healthy. Perfect body fat. Perfect cholesterol. Heart doing great. (He keeps a close check on it because of a very, very strong genetic predisposition to heart problems at an early age. He has outlived most of his male relatives.) I do not understand how he can be so healthy and just eat meat. He says his food eats the veggies for him.:D

[Lara in Colo]

Two things have been successful for me.

 

The child that would vomit: This was usually from getting worked up and then she would throw up. We did breathing exercises. When she started to heave, I would sit next to her and have her focus on me and we would breathe. Drinking also helped (not for me until later LOL) She would take a drink of water and it would help to wash the food down faster and the action would also calm the child and stop the gagging reflex.

 

I have another child that does a test of wills every night (when I am tired and at my weakest) I started to make lunch the main meal and he can sit all day long eating his meal--I have the energy. I have seen him take 2 hours to eat a bowl of vegetable soup. But he does eat it.

 

We've also had an entire week of the yucky food. Broccoli for lunch and dinner (not breakfast--not even I am that cruel). This avoids the child overcompensating at other meals and then not eating at others.

 

Lara

[Impish]

I know some of the suggestions are well meaning, but they are the sorts of things I envision my kids being in therapy over as adults. It just feels too extreme.

 

I can't put my finger on why this whole discussion is bugging me so much. I guess I feel somewhat like a failure as a parent. That's frustrating.

:grouphug:

[Lara in Colo]

No matter what, we all fail at something. They will be therapy for something I've done. We are all human and doing the best we can. Suggestions and opinions are just that. Suggestions and opinions. Not judgements. Your family is just that YOUR family. You must make the best decisions for them and at the end of the day, you have to sleep. Don't hit yourself over the head about something someone else says, 9/10 they are making some mistake in another area of their life.

Determine what you feel is the high priority and let the rest flow off like water off of a duck's back and sleep well knowing you did your best.

 

In other words, give yourself a break and ignore the nay sayers.

 

Lara

[Crissy]

So how would you handle a child who vomited after one bite? This happens every time I've tried to institute the same rule.

 

Maybe you don't know the answer, and perhaps others could chime in. I honestly wish I could get a handle on this problem.

 

Wendy, how old is your son? I'm sorry if you've answered this earlier, but I haven't read the entire thread.

I ask because he sounds very much like my nephew. He had severe issues with food textures, and an incredibly strong gag reflex.

He menu was severely limited for a long time and it didn't include a single fruit or vegetable..

Now, at 13, he is trying a variety of foods, and while he still doesn't prefer most fruits or veggies, he's getting better.

I just want you to know that there is hope. :grouphug: My sister decided to not make food an issue and slowly (S.L.O.W.L.Y!) the problem is resolving itself. I know this must be difficult, though. Feeding our kids seems to be one of those things we moms become very judgmental over.

[Crissy]

He says his food eats the veggies for him.:D

 

:lol:

 

My dad tends to eat this way. He's a bit concerned about it now that my mom isn't here to insist he eat a salad every night. Not concerned enought to actually eat the salad, though. :)

[3lilreds in NC]

He says his food eats the veggies for him.:D

 

:lol: Oh, that is awesome. I will have to tell my dh about that.

 

Wendy, it sounds like you have more going on than just a child who is a little picky. You have to handle it they way it works for your family. I wouldn't force a child who vomited every time on the first bite to eat stuff that would make him throw up. I would catch flak from grandparents, but I'm telling you, I would *not* deal with puking at the table for every meal!

 

:grouphug: I know that you are doing a great job with your son. When methods sound too harsh - they probably are. I think when people start trying extreme things, there is probably more going on than simply a stubborn child.

[unsinkable]

Two things have been successful for me.

 

The child that would vomit: This was usually from getting worked up and then she would throw up. We did breathing exercises. When she started to heave, I would sit next to her and have her focus on me and we would breathe. Drinking also helped (not for me until later LOL) She would take a drink of water and it would help to wash the food down faster and the action would also calm the child and stop the gagging reflex.

 

I have another child that does a test of wills every night (when I am tired and at my weakest) I started to make lunch the main meal and he can sit all day long eating his meal--I have the energy. I have seen him take 2 hours to eat a bowl of vegetable soup. But he does eat it.

 

We've also had an entire week of the yucky food. Broccoli for lunch and dinner (not breakfast--not even I am that cruel). This avoids the child overcompensating at other meals and then not eating at others.

 

Lara

 

Please update us in 10 years when your kids have the power to make their own food choices.

[Garga]

I really don't like these threads, though I've started one or two of them on my own.

 

If you don't have a true picky eater, then you really don't understand the stress. It's really not as simple as just exposing them to different foods, blah, blah, blah. I've tried every trick that has been hashed and rehashed on these boards and elsewhere and it's done nothing but make us all perfectly miserable.

 

I'm just biding my time until he's old enough to buy and make his own food.

 

 

 

For some perspective: I was a picky eater as a kid and ate: Ramen noodles for breakfast, a tunafish sandwich and potato chips for lunch, and 3 bites of whatever meat my mom cooked, plus a few veggies for dinner every night, and I turned out fine. I get sick so rarely, that my doctor's office keeps thinking that I'm not their patient when I do get sick (because it's been so long since I saw them.) And I have no eating disorders. And I do eat a lot more than I did as a kid, but nowhere near as much variety as other people do.

 

So....I feed my kid his (outrageously) limited menu and am biding my time until it's not my problem anymore.

Edited April 5, 2011 by Garga

[Garga]

Advice about having the kids help cook the meals, or letting them know how goood the food is, or making them eat the same meal over and over, or exposing them to the same food 17 times, or WHATEVER have NOT worked for us.

 

 

The advice is probably great for someone out there with a mildly picky eater, but if you got a true picky eater on your hands, none of that works.

 

 

How do I know? Because I'm picky. I don't care how much you talk about how great ham is, I don't care if I fix it, I don't care if you force me to eat it at every meal for 3 days, I don't care if you make me eat it 17 times in a row, I STILL HATE HAM.

 

And I don't like beef either. And I won't touch okra. And pork is disgusting. And steaks are nasty.

 

I've eaten them all and I'm 38 years old, so I'm not rebelling against anyone. They just taste nasty. And so does coffee and alcohol. And I don't like most donuts or cobbler.

 

 

Just tastes bad. No "tricks" will get me to eat it. And if you hide a bit of ham in my pancake, I'll most likely be able to taste it. Really. I will.

[unsinkable]

Advice about having the kids help cook the meals, or letting them know how goood the food is, or making them eat the same meal over and over, or exposing them to the same food 17 times, or WHATEVER have NOT worked for us.

 

 

The advice is probably great for someone out there with a mildly picky eater, but if you got a true picky eater on your hands, none of that works.

 

 

How do I know? Because I'm picky. I don't care how much you talk about how great ham is, I don't care if I fix it, I don't care if you force me to eat it at every meal for 3 days, I don't care if you make me eat it 17 times in a row, I STILL HATE HAM.

 

And I don't like beef either. And I won't touch okra. And pork is disgusting. And steaks are nasty.

 

I've eaten them all and I'm 38 years old, so I'm not rebelling against anyone. They just taste nasty. And so does coffee and alcohol. And I don't like most donuts or cobbler.

 

 

Just tastes bad. No "tricks" will get me to eat it. And if you hide a bit of ham in my pancake, I'll most likely be able to taste it. Really. I will.

 

Your mom obviously did it all wrong! :lol: :D :lol:

[Crissy]

They just taste nasty. And so does coffee and alcohol. And I don't like most donuts or cobbler.

 

 

:001_huh:

 

Your mom obviously did it all wrong! :lol: :D :lol:

 

Obviously! ;)

[*Inna*]

I used to. Now-not really.

 

When I plan the week's menu, I have one day designated for a new recipe to try, one day - kids' choice (usually they choose homemade pizza) and tried-and-true recipes that everyone likes for the rest of the week.

 

Everyone has to take "two-no-thank-you" bites. If they still don't like it, they have time until dinner is over to fetch for themselves. Then - the kitchen is closed.

 

Still hungry? Get an apple. :glare:

[justamouse]

No. I would have to make 9 different dinners. Thankfully, my kids love most food and we eat some crazy stuff.

[Garga]

Your mom obviously did it all wrong! :lol: :D :lol:

 

 

:lol::lol:

 

She made me sit at the dinner table for 2 hours or more each night staring at my meat until I ate it.

 

I'm a compliant person. I wanted to do what made my parents happy. Not in a creepy way, but in a respectful way, so it really wasn't about me being "stubborn" or trying to be manipulative or in control.

 

I just can't figure out what made me picky, other than I just don't like the taste of many foods. They just taste yucky. I've eaten that darn ham over 17 times, and I still don't like it!

 

 

So....while I am frustrated with my own son, I do understand where he's coming from. We do a mixture of me cooking things he likes and me cooking things he doesn't. He goes to bed w/o dinner about 3 or 4 times a week because he won't eat what I've cooked.

[Crissy]

He is 9. He has always been difficult so this is just one of many areas. So who knows. My 5 year old will eat everything. I haven't done anything differently with either of them, so I don't think it is something that I've done.

 

I don't imagine it is anything you have done. My sister's daughter (a few years younger than her son) eats everything as well. Her son has had issues with food from the day he was born.

He wouldn't nurse, and would only take a bottle if his formula was a very particular temperature.

I will admit that I used to believe picky eating was a parenting issue. I now understand that I was so wrong.

[unsinkable]

:lol::lol:

 

She made me sit at the dinner table for 2 hours or more each night staring at my meat until I ate it.

 

I'm a compliant person. I wanted to do what made my parents happy. Not in a creepy way, but in a respectful way, so it really wasn't about me being "stubborn" or trying to be manipulative or in control.

 

I just can't figure out what made me picky, other than I just don't like the taste of many foods. They just taste yucky. I've eaten that darn ham over 17 times, and I still don't like it!

 

 

So....while I am frustrated with my own son, I do understand where he's coming from. We do a mixture of me cooking things he likes and me cooking things he doesn't. He goes to bed w/o dinner about 3 or 4 times a week because he won't eat what I've cooked.

 

ooops, I'm sorry. I read your post but I thought it was Wendy and I thought I was replying to her.

Edited April 5, 2011 by unsinkable

[Angie in VA]

Yes. I provide food. They prefer not to starve, so they eat what I provide. :)

 

I haven't read the responses, but I bet others do the same thing.

[mommymilkies]

Absolutely not. I have kids with sensory issues and so I take that into account and we work with it.

 

I don't make my kids clean their plates, but unless it's for something they can reason with me, such as a Vegetarian alternative or it's something the majority of us despise, then they can try one bite and make themselves something to eat after dinner if what I provided was inadequate. I am not a short order cook.

 

I only have one kid who is difficult. I'm surprised she hasn't starved to death yet sometimes. She's getting better but she went through a phase where she only ate blueberries or chocolate. Yes, that would be my 3 yo. Thank god I breastfed her a long time! :lol:

[stripe]

I don't think you end up with kids who only eat chicken nuggets, fries, and pizza out of the blue.

 

That being said, my kids have gone through a picky phase at age 5.

 

I try to be flexible. I will serve parts of a meal separated out for those who don't like them combined, for example. I don't go for forcing. But I also don't run a hotel.