Do you lend curriculum? This is a rant.

[Retired]

I got put in the situation at church.* The pastors wife volunteered my stuff to another family. They were having $ problems. I really don't mind helping others. It's just so expensive to buy curriculum.* I can't afford to replace stuff. Anyway, guess what the family has not returned my stuff.* I have spoke to her several times.* She is like " we aren't finished"**** "We need it a little longer"* I just want to scream. They must never do any school work, cause it should of been finished last summer. Oh and she actually ask to* borrow more of my stuff. I just want to rant at her but christian adults don't do that in the real world, we are meek and kind hearted but oh what planet is she own. That felt so good to say.

[Melissa in Australia]

I have lent curriculum, and it is always awkward asking for it back.

I have now bought a second WTM book to lend to people , so I don't have to lend mine. I live in an area with only unschoolers, and I am trying to convert them all:001_smile:

[3lilreds in NC]

Good grief. Is this something you need back now? Because it's OK to tell them, "look, you can have it for this much longer and then I absolutely need it back. I need it to teach my kids." Maybe giving them a deadline would inspire her to get a move on. I would feel the same way you do, and would be getting ready to be pretty pushy to get it back. They are clearly not dedicated to using it or they would be done, so I think you are well within your rights to force the issue about getting it back. And, perhaps tell your pastor that before they volunteer your curriculum again, they should ASK FIRST.

 

I haven't been in the situation where I've been asked to loan curriculum yet. No one else I know does what we do, LOL. The things I've loaned out have been on the condition that they were for review purposes, basically, not for someone to use for their school year. It would have to be someone I really trusted for me to do that, and also I would have to pretty much not need it anymore myself, I think. But then, I have issues with "my stuff."

[Gamom3]

Good grief. Is this something you need back now? Because it's OK to tell them, "look, you can have it for this much longer and then I absolutely need it back. I need it to teach my kids." Maybe giving them a deadline would inspire her to get a move on. I would feel the same way you do, and would be getting ready to be pretty pushy to get it back. They are clearly not dedicated to using it or they would be done, so I think you are well within your rights to force the issue about getting it back. And, perhaps tell your pastor that before they volunteer your curriculum again, they should ASK FIRST.

 

I haven't been in the situation where I've been asked to loan curriculum yet. No one else I know does what we do, LOL. The things I've loaned out have been on the condition that they were for review purposes, basically, not for someone to use for their school year. It would have to be someone I really trusted for me to do that, and also I would have to pretty much not need it anymore myself, I think. But then, I have issues with "my stuff."

 

:iagree:

 

Definitely tell her that you need it back by a certain time. That you are sorry that she isn't done, but you purchased it to teach your kids and now that time has come. Also, I would make a day to go over there to pick it up from her house, so you know you will get all of it...I say this from experience!

 

I would have to say something to the pastor about loaning out someone else's stuff, it is not his to loan out.

 

There are some places online that loan out curriculum, I will look to see if I can find the websites.

 

JMHO..I would prepare myself to expect my curriculum not to look the same or even worse than when I loaned it out.

Sometimes people will take really good care of others stuff, sometimes they don't!

This is why I stopped loaning out! Money is tight here and to get what I can from my used curriculum, helps to purchase new stuff!

So if it is in the same condition as when you loaned it..you will be so HAPPY and if not, you were expecting it to look that way!

[Jackie in AR]

Yes, the time has come to get it back. Give her a time when you'll be over to pick it up.

 

And I would definitely mention to the pastor's wife how hard it has been to have your items returned, and that you would appreciate it if she would ask before loaning out your stuff.

 

Oh, and thanks for the reminder! I'm e-mailing someone right now to get some of my books back; they've been gone for a while.

[Chris in VA]

Oh, those darn pastor's wives, always meddlin' !!:lol:

 

Sorry, it's not really funny. Laura in VA blessed me this year by loaning us our chem book and a writing book--thanks for the reminder to GIVE THEM BACK! (note to self)

 

I guess I'd just get them back from your friend by saying you need them now. Tell her you can either come by Friday or Monday, and what time would be most convenient for you to pick them up? And if she says she isn't done, I'd just say, gosh, I understand it can be so hard to get kids to work up to speed. Nod and smile. But then say again, so-- Friday or Monday, and what time? If she doesn't get the clue, just say, Look, I really do understand. But I need them back. How about Friday at 3:00?

Be firm. You can still be a Christian and be firm.

[Elaine]

I got put in the situation at church.* The pastors wife volunteered my stuff to another family. They were having $ problems. I really don't mind helping others. It's just so expensive to buy curriculum.* I can't afford to replace stuff. Anyway, guess what the family has not returned my stuff.* I have spoke to her several times.* She is like " we aren't finished"**** "We need it a little longer"* I just want to scream. They must never do any school work, cause it should of been finished last summer. Oh and she actually ask to* borrow more of my stuff. I just want to rant at her but christian adults don't do that in the real world, we are meek and kind hearted but oh what planet is she own. That felt so good to say.

 

You are well within your rights, as a Christian, to be honest with her. If she has your stuff, she needs to return it.

 

I would also talk to the pastors wife and ask her to not volunteer any of your things again, and tell her why.

 

I'm sorry this is happening to you. Some people really are out to lunch, huh?

[4arrows]

I do loan out curriculum, but only to friends that I KNOW will treat it well and return it in a timely fashion. Did I get this straight, though~someone ELSE volunteered your curriculum????? :confused: THAT seems totally inappropriate to me, and I would be VERY wary of that situation. I'm so sorry you are having trouble reclaiming your curriculum.

[abbeyej]

I think Chris in VA's plan is very wise and reasonable if you need the books back to teach your own kids. Be gentle, but firm.

 

After this happening to my mother a few times, she got sheets of fairly generously sized labels and printed them out with:

PLEASE RETURN TO

Her Name

Full Address

Phone Number

Email@Address .com

Then she attached them to the front cover of everything that walked out of the front door. It really did seem to help!

 

And she also quit loaning out anything she expected to need in the near future (within 2 years or so) or would be devastated about not getting back.

 

I know others who have gone to the even more rigorous, "I'm so sorry, but I don't loan out books. I'd be happy to have you over and let you browse through anything you're considering ordering." or "I'm so sorry, but I don't loan out books. Is there something you were hoping to look through that I could bring for you to inspect at the park next week?"

 

And yes, let the pastor's wife know (gently) that you've had trouble getting your books back and will likely not be able to loan anything out in the future. I think it's quite possible she may have just been thinking aloud, "oh, maybe Café can lend you hers for a little while!" and not meant to "loan" things on your behalf. Maybe not. Either way, let her know what happened, just enough so she doesn't accidentally put you in that position again.

[Kelli in TN]

I am loaning a bunch of stuff to a new homeschooling family. They live in my neighborhood, and we attend church together so I feel pretty good about it. I have loaned and borrowed throughout the years. Nothing bad has come from it.

 

But if somone else volunteered my stuff, I would be livid. And I would say no.

[sweetbaby]

Do you need me to come over there, girl? LOL I will gladly help a sista out. :laugh:

I think you should kindly remind her that you allowed her to BORROW those items for a period of time to help their family during a difficult time but your family is in need of those things also. If that doesn't work, go to pastor's wife and allow her to intervene.

[klmama]

I'm using a friend's language arts teacher edition and she has one of my math teacher's editions. Our kids are a year apart, so it saves us both some money. I know she'll be using it daily, so I'm not going to be upset if it comes back with coffee stains or something. If I care a lot about something, I don't loan it out. Our SOTW materials stay here with us! Anyone who wants to look at them is welcome to come over, but they don't leave the house! I put my address labels on the inside of anything I do loan out, though, and I always put a post-it note with my friend's name inside anything I borrow that isn't labeled. I keep a list on the wall by my desk of everything I've loaned and borrowed so I'll remember.

 

Your situation would aggravate me, OP. I would give her a deadline for finishing up, and if she isn't, she'll just need to find new materials someplace else. Also, if the woman who has your books still won't give them back by the deadline, I would go with the pastor's wife to talk with her and ask for them back.

[Cindy in FL.]

I only do it when I know that I have the time and money to replace it if it doesn't get back to me when I need it.

 

Cindy

[paula j]

I have loaned out two complete sonlight cores. The first one I loaned to a friend with the understanding that it was the one I would need this year so when she finished it she would return it and we'd switch and I'd loan her the one I used last year. Well, she moved away and didn't return it. Worse yet, she didn't even bother taking it, she left it in her rental and they threw it away so I had to buy a new one for school this year.:glare:

 

The other core I loaned to a complete stranger, she was talking about how badly she wanted to try sonlight but just couldn't afford it. I mailed her my core, knowing I may never see it again, after what had happened the last time but I was at peace with that as I had purchased this core used and wasn't needing it right away. Well, the complete stranger returned my core in a timely manner in perfect shape and thanked me for blessing her family with the chance to use sonlight. Just goes to show, you never know who you can trust.

[Guest Shanna]

I also agree that you need to give a deadline and hold to it. Otherwise just realize you are not going to get it back and move on. I would also ask your pastor's wife to not offer your materials again because you cannot afford to replace the items when they are not returned.

[michaeljenn]

I have loaned things out to a needy family before. Then they were moving out of the country. So, I asked for my things back... THEY SOLD THEM AT THEIR GARAGE SALE!!!!!!!!!!!! They thought I did not want them back.... Whatever....I specifically let them loan things to look at and help them through a tough time and made it clear that I wanted them back. I finally figured out that this was the type of family that will mooch a penny from you if they could. And try and get you to babysit their kids for just an hour or two and not come back until bedtime... and they "never" heard their phone ring, although it was on the whole time. Sorry, I guess this peeled an old scab!!! I don't loan things out anymore, unless I know that I know that I know......... I can trust the person and get them back!! I also just tell people they may come over and look at the curriculum too.

[WTMindy]

Is is that you actually need the materials now or is it that you just want to get them back since she has had them so long? If it is the first, I would just drive right on over and pick them up. If it is the second, I would just let her keep them but ask occassionaly if they are done to keep reminding her that you want them back.

 

OK, I'll be different. I would lend my things to people, even knowing they might not come back in the same shape I gave them. I am not at all shy about saying that I need things back or even going over to pick them up and being pushy that way. It just doesn't make sense to have books sitting on a shelf when someone else could be using them.

[Part-Time Homeschooler]

Wow -- I cannot believe that your pastor's wife would volunteer your items without talking to you about it first.

 

I agree with all the other responses: Tell her that you really need your books back and set a deadline. Maybe try explaining to her that you really cannot afford to replace these items and you need them as soon as possible.

 

There have been times when someone has asked to borrow an expensive item from us. If I don't feel comfortable loaning the item I usually say something like, "I'm so sorry, we're not really in a position to loan that out right now. Have you checked eBay?"

[Plaid Dad]

I have lent curriculum in the past when I truly did not need it for that year. I did have to ask for it back, even though I know the family had been done with it for some time. These were people I consider very reliable generally, but I think the item had been in their house so long that they had forgotten it wasn't really theirs.

 

I decided at that point that I would apply to curriculum the rule I've long had for books: I either give the thing away outright, or I say no, but I don't lend. It leads to too many hard feelings.

[elegantlion]

If you do truly need the material you could simply tell the woman you'd love to have her continue to use it, but you need x amount of dollars to replace it so you can purchase new for your own children. Smiling, ask if she would be willing to buy the curriculum?

 

I don't loan things out. I just assume that anything I give out either won't be returned or I'll have to fight to get it back. Plus, I am super picky about the condition of our books and you never know what they might look like upon return.

 

Either that or have the pastor's wife call and ask for it back, since she volunteered it in the first place.

[Sweetpeach]

If that doesn't work, go to pastor's wife and allow her to intervene.

 

I like this idea: it was the pastor's wife who originally got you into this mess, and since you've not been able to successfully orchestrate the return of your books, let the pastor's wife get them back for you.

 

My approach -- it's probably the "bull in a chinashop method" --- I'd tell the other mom that you need you stuff by certain day at certain time, and if it's not in your possession, you'll be knocking on her door and not leaving until you have your stuff.

 

Bring a lawn chair for added humour.

 

Good luck.

 

Tricia

[riada]

I have now bought a second WTM book to lend to people , so I don't have to lend mine. I live in an area with only unschoolers, and I am trying to convert them all:001_smile:

 

That is funny!! I live in an area with mostly unschoolers as well. Possibly I should buy a book to lend out and convert them, lol. You made me laugh!:lol:

[JFSinIL]

I only lend/borrow from my good buddy across town, here - otherwise, no.

[Kris]

Not anymore. My neighbors pulled their two kids out of PS with no idea what they were going to do. That's not such a big deal -- we did that, too, and just kept busy as we could until our Calvert box arrived. But these people, knowing we'd been homeschooling for a couple of years, thought my bookshelf was their bookshelf and actually came down to "visit" (for the first time in two years), headed straight for the book shelf and started helping themselves to things they wanted. HUH??!!

 

"I'm sure you don't mind! This stuff is *so* expensive!"

 

YEAH! I KNOW!!

 

When I pointed out to them that they were snagging high school materials for their 5th and 7th grade kids, they put it back and left dejected.

 

I'm sorry, I don't mind helping, either, but sheesh -- don't they know we're eating macaroni and cheese for dinner every night, too? Actually, probably not -- since I don't generally share our financial situation with anyone. I guess they thought I could just donate my stuff to them and replace it myself.

 

This isn't an isolated incident. They're always getting themselves into jams and asking me for money -- which they don't get, but they keep asking. But since they don't take care of *anything* they own, let alone things that belong to other people, they won't be getting anything from me.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

Of course you're not wrong to want them back. And you've gotten some lovely ideas of how to press the topic.

 

I have been the recipient of some incredible stuff, including bags of Sonlight Cores that other families were done with. I do try to make sure that I get stuff back if it is just a loan (although if you are B. Spofford's daughter, I still have your copy of Eternity in their Hearts from 1990).

I also try to be open handed with my own loans. Though who I will loan a workbook we're done with vs. a hard to find history book are two different groups.

Maybe this would be a great time to discuss setting up a library shelf in your church. Early in our homeschool journey (so early, I had not kids yet) I was a church library volunteer who got to help stock the shelves with homeschool friendly books. We added biographies, science books, how to books and curriculum guides. Even just collecting a few books from used book sales and families that are done with them might be a great service in your church. (And keep your own stuff on your own shelves.)

[Nestof3]

You know, I've had a few bad experiences, but been embarassed a few times as well.

 

I lent several literature guides to a casual friend, and after almost two years, I called and asked if she could drop them off to me (she lives less than 5 minutes away). I waited and waited (I had actually called months prior to this as well). I then called her again and asked if she could just leave them on my front porch some day when passing through. It never happened. I grumbled to my husband one night about this situation and a few others, and why did it seem like the people who were Christians were the worst with stuff I loaned? He drove over there, spoke quite plainly that this lady had kept the books long enough, and brought them home. She had placed in the bag a few extra books and guides she was finished with as well -- for free. I was so ashamed that I had gotten into such a tizzy over it all.

 

I think there had just been several incidences like that lately. My son lends all of his G. A. Henty MP3s and they always come back scratched up, cases cracked and such -- all lent to people at our church meeting. One of the CDs was ruined, so the family bought a new one, but then we had to wait on them to actually listen to it before returning it.

 

We lent videos to a family, and most were returned withouth rewinding. This is a pet peeve of mine. We rewind library videos before returning.

 

Unfortuntely, my son is not the best at returning things either. I've found things in his room and had to get after him about getting them back to people. This embarrases me as well.

[Kate in Arabia]

I have lent some books before, usually I get them back. What bugs me is when I loan things to people and find out later they went and xeroxed the whole thing. Umm, if you want a copy for yourself how about buying one from the publisher/author? I've worked for a small publishing house, so I know how much these "pirated copies" can hurt.

[Jean in Wisc]

Tell the pastor's wife that she needs to be involved in this since she was the one to "lend" your materials.

 

Maybe play out the dialog in your head something like this:

 

"When you told them they could use my materials, I was concerned about it, but I did it for you. Materials are so expensive; I can't afford to replace them. I'm going to need them now and the people won't give them back. I'm just certain they would give them to you if you visited them in their home. And if not, I am going to need them replaced--although I don't think any of you are going to want to spend money on another set of books. I'm certain you can take care of this; thank you so much! Well, I've got to run. Thanks."

 

Obviously, if she lent your books out and she expected you to comply, telling another person what they need to do is acceptable in her eyes. You are not doing anything that she considers "wrong", right?

 

And then, if they are not returning them because they are lost or battered, then you need to talk to them about their replacement costs. Perhaps you can even say in the initial discussion with your pastor's wife what their replacement cost is going to be, allowing her to see that she has a financial investment in this endeavor. Even better, give her a list of the materials with the replacement cost so she can see what they are dealing with and she can be certain to get all of the materials (or the money) when she goes to pick them up.

 

This is difficult to do face to face, but approach it with a gentle spirit that shows that you have complete confidence in her ability to make the situation right. Smile and thank her...and walk away!

 

Hm. I must be getting hard-nosed as I get older.

 

I just do not like people who take advantage of others; and I get mad at myself for being taken in by these people. I'm not always certain where the line falls between giving of ourselves in Christian love and calling people to be responsible for their actions. This is not a situation where the people are asking for forgiveness; they apparently do not know they have sinned! At least if they know that they are responsible in your eyes, they have a chance to see that how they handled the situation might not have been wise--and perhaps they will not do this very thing to someone else.

 

Hm...I suppose we could discuss the theology behind this one for days--Not casting the first stone vs. clearing out the temple. LOLOL!

 

Jean

[Part-Time Homeschooler]

This is such an interesting thread! Are there any updates?

[tinkgumby]

I really like these suggestions - especially the "Shall I come at 3:00 on Friday or Monday" tactic. (:

 

I do loan out, and have lost many books that way. I do put my name in them, but am bad at keeping track of who has what so that I can remind them. I'm actually going to loan an entire Sonlight K curriculum to a lady this fall - I don't know her very well, but I know they could use the financial break, and I'm willing to take a chance on it.

[Retired]

Ok, new pastor's wife, so the one who got me intothis is gone. I am going to try the more direct, date, time etc. I'll update after I speak with her this weekend. I feel so much better just telling someone. I have made alternate plans of using the library if my stuff is not returned. It was a sonlight core and you know how much those are. Thanks for reading.

[TraceyS/FL]

Ok, new pastor's wife, so the one who got me intothis is gone. I am going to try the more direct, date, time etc. I'll update after I speak with her this weekend. I feel so much better just telling someone. I have made alternate plans of using the library if my stuff is not returned. It was a sonlight core and you know how much those are. Thanks for reading.

 

Well, i'd be pretty blunt.

 

"I can come by on Monday or Tuesday at 3pm to pick up the Sonlight items. If for some reason you can't return it - you will need to replace it for me. It's currently $546. Which day works for you?"

 

::hug::

[unsinkable]

I lent many things to a woman I consider my best friend. I had clues that she didn't care for books/curriculum very well but I ignored it.

 

When she ended our friendship (through email!) I had to ask for all my stuff back. It was humiliating to wait weeks after she wrote she wanted nothing to do with me and wonder if she would give my things back. It was hundreds of dollars worth of stuff. I finally wrote her and asked for it. She never gave it all back.

 

Now if I lend, I do it with the intention that it is gone for good.

[A.J. at J.A.]

Whatever became of this? I am curious to know. :bigear:

[swellmomma]

I haven't read all the replies, but I wanted to add in addition to telling her you need it back now, suggest book samaritan to her as a way to get free curric for those struggling financially.

 

I never loan out curric, I don't mean to be stingy but I worry about exactly what you have mentioned, not getting it back. I learned the hard way loaning out baby clothes, I wasn't going to risk losing my curric that I spent so much time searching for and money on.

[Remudamom]

Being a Christian is not the same as being a doormat. Firmly and politely follow the wisdom of the hive. And if she doesn't give it back, send all of us her email. Bwhaa haa haa!

[siloam]

Only once to close friends. I got most of it back, but some of it she kept putting me off about it, with the same, "we aren't done" excuse. I was clear when I borrowed it that I would need it the next year too. I didn't want to make an issue of it so my dh told me to take the $$ to replace the items out of our giving and they could just keep the books. Now I don't loan I give it to them or say no.

 

Heather

[Tami]

I only lend valuable materials I need back to close friends. Beyond that, I will "loan" items with the attitude I am really *giving* the curriculum away. I don't lend valuable OOP books, though.

 

I think she may be dodging you because she has lost or damaged your materials. In that case, I would say, ok, I'll need a check in the amount of $_________ (insert fair market value of the used items) by such-and-such a date.

 

I'm not going to live in fear or be stingy - it's better to only lend or give away materials you are done with or that you can live without. I have been so blessed on this HSing journey, that if I lose some curriculum here and there to people, it is not something I'm going to get my knickers in a knot over. :grouphug: And yes, we are on a very tight budget, buy my peace is worth more than a hundred bucks.

 

If other person has lost your materials, you can attempt to get a check from her. If that doesn't work, simply let it go and count your other blessings. We are all a bunch of imperfect people, and this is not something you want to divide over. :001_smile:

[Retired]

I did call her and set up a time to meet. She did not show up. I called her from our meeting place and she said she couldn't find everything. Well, she could of just said that. Thats what I figured all the putting off was about for over a year. I just told her find what she could and I will come to her house and get it.

She ask to borrow more of my stuff. Like will you bring such and such when we meet. What is she thinking? I just want my things back and be done with this person.

This will be my last attempt. I am ready to let it go. I just hate feeling so used. I will let you know next weekend the results of my visit.

Thanks for the support

[A.J. at J.A.]

Oh my goodness! I am so sorry for what she's done...taken advantage of your generosity and then having the audacity to ask for more materials! That one has me totally amazed! :confused:

 

Angela

[OnTheBrink]

Ugh, I know that "feeling used" feeling. Some missionaries came to our church; the wife is the daughter of one of our elders. They (the missionaries) homeschooled and during their presentation, commented that it was hard to get books where they were. So, I and another home schooler offered to help her get the books she needed, if we had them. She said she was using Sonlight, so I got out my catalog and gave her almost all the readers and read alouds from SL 3. My friend had many she needed from SL 5. I was happy to help her out, but giving her the books was a sacrifice on my part. I figured that even though I'd have to replace these books later for myself, she needed them more, so had no complaint with letting her have them.

 

So, she takes the books and goes back to their country. I got a newsletter a month or so later and on the bottom was a note: We decided not to homeschool this year, but thanks for the books!

 

I was really upset by that. I don't want to think she lied about home schooling and needing books, but I felt she should have at least offered to send or bring them back when they returned. I felt used.

[Geo]

You probably need to read a "Boundaries" book by Cloud/Townsend. People who don't respect boundaries are only kept in check by people who protect their own. It is always acceptable to state the terms of the loan BEFORE actually loaning. It can save friendships and everyone will be happier for it. Now, having said that...I'll tell you I've been guilty of being afraid to say no. However, I am realizing that is MY problem.

 

best intentions,

Geo

[Kimberleigh]

We've been homeschooling for more than five years, so I've been hit up for a LOT of material. A friend once started homeschooling her daughter. It was a very last-minute decision, and she asked to borrow materials to get them started. I gave her hundreds of dollars worth of material, and I made it very clear at the time that I needed them back by the end of the year so I could sell them to offset the cost of next year's books. Two months later, she decided she couldn't handle homeschooling and put her daughter back in school. After several months of me gently requesting the return of my materials, she said that seeing me was a reminder of her failure as a homeschooling parent and she just couldn't face getting together, not even to return the books. She added that she'd passed the books along to someone else who wanted to try homeschooling because she didn't want the books in her house. Um, she could've just MAILED them to me, no?

 

So long story less long, I'm now much more cautious about lending out books. I still do it on occasion, but only to friends I trust. And when someone else tries to back me into a corner about loaning books to a third party -- which has happened on occasion -- I simply say that the books have already been earmarked for sale, but that I'd happily sell the materials to them at a discount instead of listing them online (the discount being the cost of packaging and shipping the books to an unknown buyer).

 

Kimber

[Crissy]

When lending materials, I do so with the same philosophy under which I lend money. I only hand it over if I don't ever need it back.

In some cases I give books with the request that they be passed on for free when the recipient is finished with them.

 

I am sorry you have had such a difficult experience. I do hope you find a resolution. :grouphug:

[waxwing]

I've known people who have a policy that they will lend books, but that the borrower needs to write them a check for the full value, which the lender will hang on to. When the book is returned, the lender tears up the check. I haven't had the chutzpah to try that myself, but have always filed it away for future reference!

 

-Anne

[Lisawa]

I got put in the situation at church.* The pastors wife volunteered my stuff to another family. They were having $ problems. I really don't mind helping others. It's just so expensive to buy curriculum.* I can't afford to replace stuff. Anyway, guess what the family has not returned my stuff.* I have spoke to her several times.* She is like " we aren't finished"**** "We need it a little longer"* I just want to scream. They must never do any school work, cause it should of been finished last summer. Oh and she actually ask to* borrow more of my stuff. I just want to rant at her but christian adults don't do that in the real world, we are meek and kind hearted but oh what planet is she own. That felt so good to say.

 

 

Ok.. Im still picking my mouth up off the floor. Someone else offered your things? Yikes!

 

I agree with the others... set a date when you need it back, and sooner would probably be better. Its a shame too, here you did a good dead, by allowing someone to use your resources and yet little respect is given in return.

 

I honestly would not lend material out if it cant be returned in a decent amount of time. Its not rude, or un Christian either. We all share when we can, but we dont have to be taken advantage of.

 

I would also have a conversation w/ the woman who offered your resources. She was truly out ofline....

 

All can be done gently and with love. Honest and gentle truth works. *Ü* I promise! If either one has an issue, its not you dear.... its them.

 

Hope it all works out!

[Lisawa]

I did call her and set up a time to meet. She did not show up. I called her from our meeting place and she said she couldn't find everything. Well, she could of just said that. Thats what I figured all the putting off was about for over a year. I just told her find what she could and I will come to her house and get it.

She ask to borrow more of my stuff. Like will you bring such and such when we meet. What is she thinking? I just want my things back and be done with this person.

This will be my last attempt. I am ready to let it go. I just hate feeling so used. I will let you know next weekend the results of my visit.

Thanks for the support

 

 

oops, sorry just read the update, and sent my last post before I read it...

 

Im so sorry.... this is a disappointment hu? I hope you get your things and can tell her no for anymore she wants to borrow...

 

I feel for you...

[jmgconner]

I did call her and set up a time to meet. She did not show up. I called her from our meeting place and she said she couldn't find everything. Well, she could of just said that. Thats what I figured all the putting off was about for over a year. I just told her find what she could and I will come to her house and get it.

She ask to borrow more of my stuff. Like will you bring such and such when we meet. What is she thinking? I just want my things back and be done with this person.

This will be my last attempt. I am ready to let it go. I just hate feeling so used. I will let you know next weekend the results of my visit.

Thanks for the support

 

Oh, I'm so sorry. I am in shock in her asking to borrow more. I'd just say, "I'm sorry. I need all the books I have for our curriculum this year. I have nothing to lend."

 

BTW, I think it's important to let the person that offered your materials know that you did not get them all back and that you will not be able to lend any more books to anyone else.

[Tammyla]

I did call her and set up a time to meet. She did not show up. I called her from our meeting place and she said she couldn't find everything. Well, she could of just said that. Thats what I figured all the putting off was about for over a year. I just told her find what she could and I will come to her house and get it.

She ask to borrow more of my stuff. Like will you bring such and such when we meet. What is she thinking? I just want my things back and be done with this person.

This will be my last attempt. I am ready to let it go. I just hate feeling so used. I will let you know next weekend the results of my visit.

Thanks for the support

 

What a mess...My goodness...you have been more than generous. I'd go get what she finds, ask her kids if they've seen any of the missing ones. I'd be sweet and smile, but I wouldn't consider loaning her another anything. I'd smile and say no we can't. Try not to give a reason, just a sorry that isn't possible.

[Guest bugsmommy]

IMHO I would NOT "let it go"..Those books cost way too much to "let go". With the price of everything going up, you should not have to re-buy something you already owned. Is there a way that the preacher's wife could go with you to this person's home? I would so show up at the house and when she would try to say, "I cant find them all", I would say "oh that's ok, my day is free so I can wait, or would you like me to help you look?" Sticking up for yourself would make you feel less "used"! another thing.....I would be sooooo peeved at the preacher's wife for getting me into a mess like this. :glare: