What would other moms do? To cut or not to cut?

[kamom]

My dd9, almost 10 has very thick, long hair. Her hair reaches down mid bottom and it is very thick. Very nice. The problem is, it's so much that she can't handle it herself. I have to braid it for her almost every day. She can barely put it into a ponytail by herself. She does wash it by herself!

 

She was almost in tears yesterday and today at my suggestion of cutting about a foot of it off. Her hair would still be almost waist length. I have tried to teach her how to fix it herself, but she doesn't get it.

 

Would you make her cut it?

Do your girls this age do their own hair?

Any other suggestions?

 

Should I just shut up and be thankful I get to fix her hair almost daily and that I have a dd with beautiful hair?

[Plucky]

Take her to a hairdresser and have them thin it. It was a lifesaver for my dd's long hair. We struggled for the longest time, but that was the solution for us.

[fairfarmhand]

my dd had hair that long and was styling it herself at that age....

 

however, all hair is different. You might want to point out how much time you could save by not doing hair so much.

 

Perhaps she enjoys the mommy attention? The time just for the 2 of you with you touching her hair?

 

I know some people who encourage their girls to cut by donating to locks of love.

 

Keep in mind that this is a very special time for the 2 of you too.

[Jean in Newcastle]

My dd's hair reaches down to the top of her bottom but it is on the thin side. I braid it at night before bed and that has made it easier for her to care for the next day because it doesn't get snarled during the night. I got that tip here on the WTM boards!

[secular_mom]

I would not force my child to get their hair cut- I might tell them that I don't want to style it for them any more but I wouldn't make them chop it off. :)

[fairfarmhand]

Or how bout this....

 

google "cuts for long hair." perhaps if she layers, it wouldn't be so bad. She might get into having a new "style" instead of "chopping it off"

[Elizabeth in MN]

It's her hair, so I'd not force her to do anything other than keep up with it. I would, however, suggest cutting some of it off and donating it to Locks of Love or some such organization.

[Mommyfaithe]

My dd is almost 13...and has VERY thick, curly long blonde hair. I still do her hair for her every day. I did the same formy oldest until she was 15...then she really had a handle on how to take care of it. She also had very thick curly hair. If it is just too much for her to do for herself, and she finds her beauty in her hair, I would not make her cut it.

 

Faithe

[blondeviolin]

I'd either show her Locks of Love and see if she wanted to donate for something like that.

 

If not, you could take her to get a new style and have mommy-daughter time. Even include pedicures and I bet she'd perk up! If it were layered I bet it would be easier to have it brushed and down.

[Aggie]

I would not force my child to get their hair cut- I might tell them that I don't want to style it for them any more but I wouldn't make them chop it off. :)

:iagree:

 

Well, I wouldn't force my *daughter* to cut her hair.:001_smile:

 

The man-child? That's another story that always ends with "buzz.":D

[Melissa in Australia]

I think almost 10 is too young to be made to do her own hair.

I was the oldest of 8, So my mother had no time to be fussing over me. I have long hair (to bottom). when I was 9 my mother just stopped doing my hair. I really didn't know how to brush it. I ended up getting more and more tangles. For about 3 years I looked a bit like a witch. I didn't know how to fix it up, so it was just hanging everywhere.very messy.

 

I was about 14 when I finally worked out how to do my hair properly.

 

My dd11 does her hair about twice a week. I do it the rest of the time. I think a gradual switch over from me to her is a way better option.

[Britomart]

fwiw, I had really long, thick hair as a kid, and I didn't become really competent at taking care of it myself till I was 11 or so. I mean, I started learning - I could comb it out, but it was hard to style it, just because it was so long and thick and it was hard to reach behind my head far enough to comb it and fasten it up - at least with anything approaching neatness! It's hard to keep tension when your hair is that long and your arms are still short.

 

So, you might only have a year or two to go. Maybe you can teach her to comb it out (starting at the bottom, and working her way up), but you can still do the styling?

 

Also, is your daughter good at learning things from books or videos? When I was a young teenager, my aunt taught me to French-braid on a doll, and then I got a book on various hairstyles and just experimented until I was able to do everything I wanted to. There are great styling videos on youtube and long-hair style books at the library, usually. Sometimes having a book to flip through can get a kid's creative juices flowing.

 

I still often wear my hair pinned up in a crown braid. :) Your daughter can get there, she just needs lots of practice. Maybe you can make a deal that if she puts in X minutes of practice combing/styling it each day, she doesn't have to cut it? Eventually that practice should free you of the job.

Edited March 21, 2011 by Britomart
forgot to add something

[forty-two]

I've had long hair all my life, and I'd have flipped as a child (or even now) at the prospect of cutting off a foot - that's a lot, a big change, and hair is very different feeling and behaving at different lengths (which is part of what you are hoping for). I had 10" off once, and it really was like a whole new style, though it was still "long" to everyone else. Heck, it's knee-length now, and a foot off wouldn't be noticeable to anyone but me, but it would feel very different as I combed/styled it. So I get her not wanting that drastic of a change. I've also a strong emotional attachment to my hair that influences not wanting major cuts.

 

At 10 I was pretty much in charge of my own hair care, but while I could wash and comb/brush it, I couldn't style it - it just was down most of the time. I didn't learn to braid/ponytail until high school, and didn't learn updos till college.

 

I don't think I could force an unwanted hair cut like this, given my attachment to my hair. Can she comb it herself?

 

B/c I do my dds' hair, and most of the time is detangling unless I'm doing a complicated style - a simple braid is under two minutes on dd4.5's waist length hair, and under 5min on my knee-length hair (braiding dd2's thin, past shoulder length hair is actually harder - there just isn't enough of it to easily hold on to). Ponytails are about 1min each on the kids, and 2min on me.

 

Anyway, I'd start on teaching detangling, if she can't do that. Start at the bottom, put on oil/conditioner if it's dry or tangling easily, use a wide-toothed comb. And it's helpful to divide it into two sections and bring each over the shoulder when you are doing it yourself, esp starting out, than to bring the whole thing over one shoulder (though that can work if you start over the right and finish up over the left, or vice versa). Detangling twice a day, morning and night, helps a lot in keeping it manageable, as does braiding at night (as a pp said). And always, always, always detangle before washing or otherwise getting it wet. Make sure she's not piling on top of her head to wash it - tangle city! :tongue_smilie: - and definitely use conditioner (if it tangles easily when washing, maybe detangle while the conditioner's on it).

[ByGrace3]

what about talking to her about locks if love? I recently did this and sent in 10" of my hair. Locks of love uses the hair to make wigs for cancer patients. Maybe if she "chose" to cut it for a purpose, she might want to do it?

[Starr]

I would trim it up several inches and keep it braided most of the time. :) Not that there is a right answer but it worked for us. Dd spent many years with a nice french braid down the back of her head.

[sassenach]

Would she cut it if she could donate it to locks of love? Maybe the thought of helping others would push her over that hump. Honestly, if a child's hair is creating an extra, unneeded chore for me, like it or not we're cutting it. I would go the gentle approach first, but ultimately the hair needs to go.

[forty-two]

I would *not* push the Locks of Love thing as incentive. The odds are that the last foot of her hair is too damaged to make a wig, and so would just be thrown out. It's fine to donate if you genuinely want to, or are cutting anyway, so it doesn't matter if the hair's useable - but to guilt her into cutting b/c it would go to a needy child is just mean, and not likely even true. Plus LoL gets so many donations that they sell some of the useable ones in order to fund the wigs they do make, so even if her hair was useable, it would not necessarily be used for a wig for a needy child, but as funding to make a wig, which, while helpful, isn't the same, and means that sending money is just as - or more - helpful than donating hair you don't want to cut in the first place.

 

But people should *never* be pressured to donate to charity, let alone pressured to change a fundamental part of themselves to donate to charity, anyway.

[kamom]

You have given me great ideas! Especially in how to teach her to comb it out herself. I see ways to help her work at this.

 

It feels good to know that I am not the only one dealing with this and that maybe I will still be doing her hair at 15!:001_huh::001_smile: I promise to make the best of it.

 

She is very touchy ( right word?), loves when I pick around on her, so that may be one thing. But on the other hand even a french braid brings her to tears, because it hurts her head.

 

She always uses conditioner. I would have a real mess if she didn't. She read these replies with me and is considering Locks of Love! She is a very compassionate, kind, sweetheart so maybe she will donate! Thanks again!

 

:iagree:

 

Well, I wouldn't force my *daughter* to cut her hair.:001_smile:

 

The man-child? That's another story that always ends with "buzz.":D

 

 

Well, I wouldn't force her kicking and screaming,(which she doesn't do btw) if I insisted she would just let me trim it,even if she wasn't happy.:001_smile:

[Pretty in Pink]

If nothing else, I would imagine that the bottom several inches have got to be damaged anyway. If she is opposed to a big change I would tell her that in order to keep her long hair managable she needs to have the ends trimmed. I would take her to the salon to get it done by a professional.

 

Do either of you comb her hair out while the conditioner is in it? That is important for tangly hair. She also should not flip her head upside down to wrap the towel turban-style around her wet hair. Just comb through it well with conditioner in, then rinse gently (water flowing down the hair shaft), gently squeeze excess water from the length of the hair, then lay a towel on top of her head and wrap the sides of the towel underneath and around the length of the hair. Let it sit for a few minutes to soak up some of the moisture, then remove the towel and again gently comb it from ends to roots. You can just braid it at this point or let it air dry for a few minutes before braiding, but I would suggest braiding it while it is still damp.

[Angel]

I would not make her cut it. My dd10 had hair down to her waist. It sometimes was stringy and almost always tangly but it was her hair. We let her keep it long.

 

Last month she up and wanted to cut it shorter. We DID make her wait about three weeks to make sure that it was what she wanted since she had spent a couple years wanting it so long. Daddy finally caved, though, and she got it cut last weekend. Twelve inches. She was so excited by the thought of donating it to Locks of Love that she went with me to Post Office to mail it out :001_smile:

 

I don't know what made dd change her mind but she is loving the short hair. If your dd would like to see it, she can check my blog here

[Haiku]

 

Would you make her cut it?

 

No.

 

Hair is a very personal thing. I wouldn't make her cut it. I would help her do it. Eventually she will be old enough to do it on her own.

 

Tara

[ByGrace3]

I would *not* push the Locks of Love thing as incentive. The odds are that the last foot of her hair is too damaged to make a wig, and so would just be thrown out. It's fine to donate if you genuinely want to, or are cutting anyway, so it doesn't matter if the hair's useable - but to guilt her into cutting b/c it would go to a needy child is just mean, and not likely even true. Plus LoL gets so many donations that they sell some of the useable ones in order to fund the wigs they do make, so even if her hair was useable, it would not necessarily be used for a wig for a needy child, but as funding to make a wig, which, while helpful, isn't the same, and means that sending money is just as - or more - helpful than donating hair you don't want to cut in the first place.

 

But people should *never* be pressured to donate to charity, let alone pressured to change a fundamental part of themselves to donate to charity, anyway.

 

I think there is a big differencing in coercing humanitarianism and suggesting a sacrificial act as an option. Whether they use it or not, I would think it would be a wonderful opportunity to discuss self sacrifice, and ultimately the final choice hers. In no way should it be a guilt ridden.

[forty-two]

Something else that might help with tangling is to do a split end trim. There are more systematic ways to do it, but I just turn my dh loose with a pair of hair scissors, snipping each split he sees about 1/2" above the split, while we're watching tv or something. He did a "search & destroy mission" :lol: a few nights ago for the first time in years (it was a target-rich environment ;)), and just the small percentage he got has noticeably reduced tangling and significantly improved the appearance of my ends.

[Erica in PA]

My dd9, almost 10 has very thick, long hair. Her hair reaches down mid bottom and it is very thick. Very nice. The problem is, it's so much that she can't handle it herself. I have to braid it for her almost every day. She can barely put it into a ponytail by herself. She does wash it by herself!

 

She was almost in tears yesterday and today at my suggestion of cutting about a foot of it off. Her hair would still be almost waist length. I have tried to teach her how to fix it herself, but she doesn't get it.

 

Would you make her cut it?

Do your girls this age do their own hair?

Any other suggestions?

 

Should I just shut up and be thankful I get to fix her hair almost daily and that I have a dd with beautiful hair?

 

 

I'll be the naysayer and say I'd have it cut. Waist long hair is still *Unusually* long, and probably still more than most children could care for on their own. It's not like you're getting her a chin-length bob! Going from mid-bottom length to waist length shouldn't be a big deal. She would still be able to do every hair style imaginable, and in fact, more easily with a little less length.

[LizzyBee]

Would she be interested in donating her hair to Locks of Love? My middle dd has done that, and it definitely made it easier for her to adjust to a drastic haircut. She growing it out again and plans to donate to Locks of Love again when it's long enough.

[jelbe5]

We recently cut my 11 yodd's long thick hair. She had horrible snarls underneath that she was hiding from me. She was washing and conditioning her hair, but she was not working all the tangles out. She came out of the bathroom shower, crying, about two weeks ago and showed us the snarls. They were so bad . . . she hates having anyone comb her hair. We talked and she agreed to let my dh cut her hair. He was then able to work the rest of the snarls out. It was not a perfect cut, but it allowed us to go ( tangle free) the next day to the hairdresser to have the cut finished and touched up. She now sports a stylish bob and she loves it. It is so much easier for her to care for, and it does not tangle. I wished I had thought about thinning out het hair before it became so bad, but it worked out.

[forty-two]

She would still be able to do every hair style imaginable, and in fact, more easily with a little less length.

Actually, it depends entirely on the style - there are many styles I can do much easier on my knee-length hair than I can do on my sis's mid-back hair. The extra length is a big bonus when it comes to just about any crown style, for example - one simple braid wraps all the way round, with sufficient extra to enable me to secure it with just one clip. Takes a mere 30sec longer than a simple braid. About the only style that is harder at this length is a french twist - I really do have too much hair to easily do this style. Otherwise I've found that the more length I have, the more I can do :).

 

ETA: Besides, a foot of hair is a foot of hair - it's a drastic change *to the owner* no matter what length is left, even if it isn't noticeable to anyone else.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

OP, I know that you said that she cries when it is French braided. I understand that as I have always been very tender-headed.

 

However....I learned to French braid my hair by watching my friend do her own. I sat on the couch and she sat on the floor in front of me and I did what she was doing and kept running to the bathroom mirror with my hands behind my head so I could see what I was doing to myself. :lol:

 

In time I learned to French braid pretty well and can now braid my own hair better than someone elses. I would encourage you (or a friend, if you don't have long hair or don't know how to French braid your own) to teach her this very helpful skill! I braid mine very loosely unless I am running in a 5K, in which case I do it in two French braids. (some traditions just need to stick around. I always run while chewing bubble gum and always race with two French braids. :tongue_smilie: )

[Britomart]

You might want to check into Locks of Love before you donate to them. They actually sell a lot of the hair they get instead of using it for wigs. They make a lot of money off of those sales - and those who buy the hair that LoL calls "unusable" use it to make wigs themselves.

 

I've heard much better things about Pantene's Beautiful Lengths.

 

Also, it might not matter necessarily, but LoL makes wigs (when they do actually make wigs) for alopecia patients, not cancer patients.

 

Google will bring most of this up pretty quickly.

[forty-two]

I think there is a big differencing in coercing humanitarianism and suggesting a sacrificial act as an option. Whether they use it or not, I would think it would be a wonderful opportunity to discuss self sacrifice, and ultimately the final choice hers. In no way should it be a guilt ridden.

It's just that there's a fine line b/w suggesting self-sacrifice as an option and implying that failing to self-sacrifice is wrong - too many LoL conversations end up implying or outright stating that it's selfish to *not* cut your hair. It's hard to make an uncoerced choice when it's framed as "help needy kids by cutting your hair" or "not help needy kids by keeping your hair".

[Pretty in Pink]

I probably wouldn't feel comfortable discussing Locks for Love in terms of self-sacrifice with a 10yo girl who is already tearful at the prospect of losing a few inches off of her incredibly long hair, but YMMV. Were I to present that option to my daughter, it would be in terms of, "This is a pretty neat organization. Here is what they are about. Just something to think about, absolutely no pressure." The end. I wouldn't bring it up again.

[littlebug42]

I'll be the naysayer and say I'd have it cut. Waist long hair is still *Unusually* long, and probably still more than most children could care for on their own. It's not like you're getting her a chin-length bob! Going from mid-bottom length to waist length shouldn't be a big deal. She would still be able to do every hair style imaginable, and in fact, more easily with a little less length.

 

I apparently also in the minority because it never would have made it that far in this house. My oldest daughter prefers hers short but we have had issues with Boo-Boo. I have always taken the position that until they can care for it themselves, it will be at a length and style manageable for me. Boo-Boo expressed an interest in growing her hair out and I let her until it became a battle every day. She wouldn't brush it and when I did, it was screaming and crying every day. That is too much drama for me over hair. I took her and had it cut. It is now shoulder length, manageable and she actually likes it also. I would cut it to a more manageable length.

[Koerarmoca]

I wouldn't force a haircut on them. dd9 wanted shorter hair and I let her cut it once it was long enough for locks of love. She HATED it an still complains that its not as nice as it was before. She hates that her sisters all have hair longer than her etc. I dont think at 8 she had the maturity level to get and live with a hair cut. I still do dd12's hair she is trying to do it herself but she isn't very good at it.

[Tap]

I wouldn't force it, but I would encourage it to an extent.

 

Long hair can look beautiful, but it can also just look ... Long and not-so-beautiful.

 

Trimming the ends into to a healthy, even length by cutting off split ends and damage often makes the hair so much prettier and healthier.

 

It may not need to be a foot, in fact I would bet about 4+ inches would do. Just getting off any hair that is not adding to the beauty of it, can help a person adjust to the idea of a haircut being part of the maintenance of long hair, just like washing/conditioning it.

 

 

 

Both dd12 and I have had long hair and short hair. Long hair does take some upkeep, but it can be very attractive too.

 

If she isn't already, teach her to brush it out before she gets to you and then start having her help you fix it. Start by having her separate the hair into sections then you take over....and baby step into her fixing it herself as you help her over the rough spots.

[katemary63]

I'd either show her Locks of Love and see if she wanted to donate for something like that.

 

 

 

 

:iagree: If she has it that long, she could donate a 10inch pony tail and hardly notice it's gone and at the same, help someone with cancer.

[forty-two]

:iagree: If she has it that long, she could donate a 10inch pony tail and hardly notice it's gone and at the same, help someone with cancer.

 

Losing - or gaining, for that matter - a foot of hair at a shot is a *big* change, no matter how much hair the person started with. Going from three feet of hair to two feet of hair is not "hardly noticeable" :glare:. I've done the 10" haircut - went from hip to midback - and trust me, losing 1/3 of your hair is *very* noticeable ;).

[Melissa in Australia]

:iagree: If she has it that long, she could donate a 10inch pony tail and hardly notice it's gone and at the same, help someone with cancer.

:blink::svengo:

Belive me, I would definitely notice if I had 10 inches cut off my hair.

[kamom]

I'm going to let her think about it for awhile see if she'll decide to cut it. Someone suggested braiding it while still wet to avoid it getting tangly. Her hair is so very thick that if I braid it wet, it's still wet and smells sour! when I do it the next day. I've rarely seen hair so thick. I have to say it's a burden to upkeep. Dh is very particular that it should look neat and clean most of the time, so some days I have to fix it more then once.

 

I might "keep suggesting" what she could do with it,if she doesn't. I believe in this situation a little encouragment my way won't hurt. I mean it is very long! But beautiful too:001_smile: My, I wish I had half of it on my own head!

 

You can all shake your heads in disbelief how her last haircut came to be. BTW this was about 1 1/2 yrs ago. I was very sick. So sick I was in bed and could hardly lift my hands. At this point I was still helping her wash her hair, so dh had to help her. Her hair couldn't wait another day. It needed washing. Dh was so stressed out helping her with it and sympathetic to my case that he just told her that some of it needs to go. He combed it out well and got a pair of scissors and to everyones surprise off came about 6 inches of her hair.:lol:

 

She told me later how good it felt to have some of it gone!

 

Maybe I need to be out of commision again and have dh stand in as her hair dresser.:tongue_smilie::001_smile: jk

[Erica in PA]

Actually, it depends entirely on the style - there are many styles I can do much easier on my knee-length hair than I can do on my sis's mid-back hair. The extra length is a big bonus when it comes to just about any crown style, for example - one simple braid wraps all the way round, with sufficient extra to enable me to secure it with just one clip. Takes a mere 30sec longer than a simple braid. About the only style that is harder at this length is a french twist - I really do have too much hair to easily do this style. Otherwise I've found that the more length I have, the more I can do :).

 

ETA: Besides, a foot of hair is a foot of hair - it's a drastic change *to the owner* no matter what length is left, even if it isn't noticeable to anyone else.

 

Maybe so. I just wouldn't want my dd to be hung up on having such a dramatic length of hair, personally. If it were heartbreaking to think of having waist-length hair, I'd think some heart/reality checks were needed.

[meena]

I see this as a courtesy to each other. She may not be ready to care for her hair on her own. There is nothing wrong with that. You are willing to assist her as long as she needs. In return, I think it is okay to ask her to cut some of her hair to assist you in caring for her hair.

 

Possibly a compromise is in order. Maybe 12 inches seems daunting. How about 9 inches instead? Or how about 6 inches now and 6 inches two months from now?

 

As another alternative, you could set expectations for DD--in order to keep her hair that length she needs to do x, y, and z (such as brushing, self-braiding, etc.). Give her a set amount of time (a week or two?) to learn those skills with lots of guidance, then let her try to care for her hair by herself for a period of time. After that point, if she still needs help, she will need to get a pre-determined amount cut.

[littleWMN]

I see this as a courtesy to each other. She may not be ready to care for her hair on her own. There is nothing wrong with that. You are willing to assist her as long as she needs. In return, I think it is okay to ask her to cut some of her hair to assist you in caring for her hair.

 

Possibly a compromise is in order. Maybe 12 inches seems daunting. How about 9 inches instead? Or how about 6 inches now and 6 inches two months from now?

 

As another alternative, you could set expectations for DD--in order to keep her hair that length she needs to do x, y, and z (such as brushing, self-braiding, etc.). Give her a set amount of time (a week or two?) to learn those skills with lots of guidance, then let her try to care for her hair by herself for a period of time. After that point, if she still needs help, she will need to get a pre-determined amount cut.

 

:iagree:

[txhomemom]

My dd also has really thick long hair, although not as long as you describe. We struggled for the longest time with hopeless knots in her head and she hated brushing her own hair. I finally had enough and took her to have her hair thinned out. It was a lifesaver! She also let the hair stylist take a few inches off the length which helped as well. I think my dd was amazed at how easy her hair was to brush after that. She knows that every time her hair starts getting difficult to brush it is time for a really serious hair cut (thinning).

 

My dd still has been very reluctant to cut her length drastically, but I just try to encourage her a little at a time. Maybe you could convince your daughter to start with cutting a few inches off and thinning the hair.

[Peela]

I think it wont be too much longer before she can care for it herself.

My dd's blonde, fine ringlets were a lot of work for both of us but around age 10 or 11 we read Curly Girl together and ever since then she has maintained her own hair routine.

Can you hang in there a bit longer?

I wouldnt force the issue- because I think hair is so tied in with self identity and many of us resent our mothers for controlling our hair when we were kids- but if you can convince her and she agrees, of course, no problem.

[Melissa in Australia]

Maybe so. I just wouldn't want my dd to be hung up on having such a dramatic length of hair, personally. If it were heartbreaking to think of having waist-length hair, I'd think some heart/reality checks were needed.

 

If you had long hair, you might think differently.

 

I don't think having long hair is dramatic at all!

[lailasmum]

Could you take her to a hair dresser and get them to take some of the weight out of it and give it a really good trim. Maybe explain to her that if she want to have long hair it does take work and care on her part to not become a mess.

[katemary63]

Losing - or gaining, for that matter - a foot of hair at a shot is a *big* change, no matter how much hair the person started with. Going from three feet of hair to two feet of hair is not "hardly noticeable" :glare:. I've done the 10" haircut - went from hip to midback - and trust me, losing 1/3 of your hair is *very* noticeable ;).

 

I guess I was saying that in the grand scheme of things, it's really hardly noticable. I think I'll stand by that.

[unsinkable]

Losing - or gaining, for that matter - a foot of hair at a shot is a *big* change, no matter how much hair the person started with. Going from three feet of hair to two feet of hair is not "hardly noticeable" :glare:. I've done the 10" haircut - went from hip to midback - and trust me, losing 1/3 of your hair is *very* noticeable ;).

 

:iagree:

[unsinkable]

I guess I was saying that in the grand scheme of things, it's really hardly noticable. I think I'll stand by that.

 

:confused:

 

You could say that about anything.

 

I don't know what your hair situation is but I think forty-two was trying to say it IS a big difference for some people who have long hair.

 

Your response was kind of dismissive.

[3lilreds in NC]

My dd was VERY opposed to cutting her hair, but she decided she could do it and donate to Locks of Love. Afterwards, she often told me (and still tells me) how much easier her hair is to care for now. It was a big deal, and hard to do - and I didn't *force* her. I did take her to a really fun salon with an amazing stylist to have it done. It was hard for her, I won't deny that! Her hair wasn't as long as your dd's is, either.

 

If she's not able to keep up with it, I think you are well within your rights to have it thinned and trimmed. Others can think I'm heartless, LOL, but it will grow back, and she will probably be better able to deal with it by the time it does.

 

My girls had chin-length bobs for years because they have sensitive heads and very thick hair. I don't deal well with the fussing about their hair care. Now, they can deal with it themselves, so I let them do what they like. My younger dd has very long hair now and she has had to learn to brush it all out in order to keep it.

 

Maybe spend some time with your dd and show her how to brush it all out. Mine didn't get that their hair was so thick, they had to brush underneath as well as on top. Make sure she has a brush that is good for thick hair, too. It seems to me that she should be able to take care of brushing her own hair. I wouldn't mind braiding it if she could keep up with the brushing. Mine don't know how to braid their own, but can put it up in a ponytail to keep it out of the way.

[Wabi Sabi]

I have a boy with long-ish hair so my situation is a bit different, but the same applies to my daughter as well:

 

The children can keep their hair whatever length/style they'd like. I will not force ds to cut it shorter or change the style. However, I do insist that it is trimmed frequently to keep it in good condition. He doesn't have to lose length, but does need to keep it shaped up.

 

Likewise, my dd is growing out her hair. She can let it keep growing, but she will need to get the ends trimmed regularly to keep it looking healthy. And, if she should ever decide that she wants to cut it short, that's fine too. Her hair, not mine.