Daughter wants dad's beard off for wedding

[kalanamak]

I don't really have a big stake in this, so I'm not going to be offended by any answer. I do have some sway with both parties, but not a lot.

 

20 something daughter of hubby is having a rather fancy wedding and would like hubby's "it took me years to get it right" goatee and mustache off. It is salt and pepper and is flattering on him, but it makes him look more blue collar or country than if he were clean shaven (he is blue collar and country, and daughter is not). She thinks the hair makes him look "so old", but I have warned her he now has a waddle hiding under there.

 

Part of me thinks it is her wedding, and the situation is SO much better than his other daughter's wedding (when she put all over the invites that her "surrogate father" would be escorting her down the aisle, but didn't have the guts to tell dad it was the case), and he should go along with it. Part of me thinks it is his face, but that he doesn't understand how funny people can get about weddings (like wanting all the bridesmaids to be thin, or perm their hair, or whatever).

 

Since I'm so ungirly, and so uninterested in looking well to do and jet-setty (we are taking $500 sunglasses), I feel I have not enough insight to know which side to gently, slightly, weigh in on. I won't be there, which is a blessing, as I am frumpy beyond words, and would be miserable trying to "look the part".

 

What say the Miss Manners of the board?

[Crystal in VA]

Does he get a say in how she looks for her wedding? Her hairstyle? Probably not. ;)

 

I don't think he should shave. Especially since you say that he looks good with it... and he feels good with it. You also stated that it has taken him quite awhile to get it to where it feels right to him so my answer is no, she should accept him for himself.

[jplain]

Heck no, she should not be pressuring him to change his appearance. That's super bratty.

If her father's facial hair influences her enjoyment of her wedding day, I feel bad for her future husband.

[RoughCollie]

I remember when I was planning my wedding. The silliest things were So Important, and there was no way (at the time) anyone could have convinced me otherwise. When I look back on it, I was not in my right mind when I was planning my wedding.

 

OTOH, I was secretly embarrassed by someone's appearance, but I did not ask him to change it because it might have hurt his feelings.

 

IMO, facial hair is not a hill to die on unless your DH's feelings are hurt because of the implications about his appearance. Heck, if his feelings have been hurt, it has already been done, so I'm in the shave it off camp if it is an extreme sticking point. Keeping the hair won't repair hurt feelings.

Edited March 5, 2011 by RoughCollie

[ereks mom]

Does he get a say in how she looks for her wedding? Her hairstyle? Probably not. ;)

 

I don't think he should shave. Especially since you say that he looks good with it... and he feels good with it. You also stated that it has taken him quite awhile to get it to where it feels right to him so my answer is no, she should accept him for himself.

 

:iagree:

 

 

Heck no, she should not be pressuring him to change his appearance. That's super bratty.

If her father's facial hair influences her enjoyment of her wedding day, I feel bad for her future husband.

 

:iagree:

[akmommy]

I agree with the others it is his beard and she shouldn't be able to dictate how he wears it, but...if his relationship with his daughter has been strained over the years then does he really want this to be his line in the sand.

 

We woman tend to get a little nuts about weddings and I can see the possibility of this fueling a huge battle.

[happypamama]

Heck no, she should not be pressuring him to change his appearance. That's super bratty.

If her father's facial hair influences her enjoyment of her wedding day, I feel bad for her future husband.

 

:iagree: If it were her groom, and she didn't care for the facial hair, that might be a different story. But her dad? That seems over the top to me (assuming it's tidy and well-kept, which I'm sure it is; my DH has a goatee and moustache and keeps them very tidy, and for a special occasion like a wedding, he'd definitely have them freshly trimmed and very nice). Besides, if he shaves it for her, it won't really be *him* in her pics, y'know? Not a picture of who *he* was at the time.

[Joanne]

Um. No.

 

Asking an adult to change their hairstyle for wedding pictures is over the top, IMO.

[SilverMoon]

I don't think he should shave. Especially since you say that he looks good with it... and he feels good with it. You also stated that it has taken him quite awhile to get it to where it feels right to him so my answer is no, she should accept him for himself.

 

:iagree: Would dying over the "salt" work as a compromise? My husband also wears a "salt and pepper" goatee. He would dye it for special occasions such a wedding would rank, he has quite a few times, but someone asking him to cut it in that manner would only cause him to grow it longer.

[rebeccabillington]

tough one this.

 

When we got married we wanted all the guys in tails. Everyone looked great. Except my Dad who refused, and wore a very casual suit. It REALLY ****** me off at the time. But I never said anything to him.

 

I still wish he hadn't done it, but really...it didn't affect the day at all, at least he was happier wearing what he wanted.

 

I would suggest that you dd just bite her tongue on this one. It really wont matter in the end.

[Night Elf]

Honestly, my first thought was she is ashamed of him. How is he taking it?

[Desert Rat]

I vote no to the shaving. It's your dh's face. If she wants him to shave because he will look "less blue collar" well, that's who he is so.....

We were poor with poor friends when I got married. My folks paid for the wedding (only daughter of a woman who eloped-so it was big!). But I insisted that my friends could wear what they wanted, just come, and celebrate. My parents were cool with that. Their friends? Not so much. I told my friends to come in the nicest clothes they had but don't buy anything special. They did. :) We were hippies. My dear friend came in an absolutely beautiful long skirt. He was male. It raised a few eyebrows but I was so glad he came!

[Swirl]

Since I'm so ungirly, and so uninterested in looking well to do and jet-setty (we are taking $500 sunglasses), I feel I have not enough insight to know which side to gently, slightly, weigh in on.

 

I wouldn't weigh in on either side. I'd leave it to father and daughter to work out on their own. (But, I feel I should disclose that this is coming from a person who owns a pair of Chanel sunglasses. :001_cool:)

[Plucky]

I wouldn't weigh in on either side. I'd leave it to father and daughter to work out on their own.

 

:iagree: If dad wants to shave it for her, so be it. If he doesn't dd will get over it. I would stay out of it and let them hash it out if need be.

[GraciebytheBay]

You know, the 45-year old me is adamantly saying, "Heck, no! Don't change your appearance for a spoiled bride." Then I remember myself as the 22-year old bride who actually bribed my sister-in-law to gently tell my b-i-l that he needed to clean up his beard for his groomsman duties/photos. :001_rolleyes:

 

His beard was unruly (think ZZ Top) and looked awful, and I couldn't bear the thought of that beard being in pics on my wall for years to come! I am not proud of this, but I am just saying that this was really important to me at the time, and it meant a lot that he actually did have it trimmed for us. Now, had he refused, I wouldn't have pushed or made it into a family issue (I don't think so, anyway).

 

It doesn't sound like unkempt-ness is an issue with your dh, but if it were my dh, I would encourage him to do it for the sake of the bride out of love, even if she is acting immature.

[Ellie]

Uh, no. As long as the father is clean and the unbearded parts of his face are clean shaven, the dd should be satisfied.

[kalanamak]

:iagree: If dad wants to shave it for her, so be it. If he doesn't dd will get over it. I would stay out of it and let them hash it out if need be.

 

He is hard of hearing and really un-urbane. He reads on a third grade level. I have found that he and his daughters do much better if I translate what they say/write for him, and help him "clarify" his feelings before answering. They have gone from appearing to hate him to being civil and polite. I'd hate to back-slide. "Hashing it out" has lead to years of silence and him not seeing his daughter for some time (nor his grandkids). While I think they should have cut him more slack, I understand he is hard to talk to. A combo of oblivious until there is a dust up and then over-emotional. My son and I are the people who have to deal with his hurt feelings. It is best if we avoid the "hashing", I promise you.

[Haiku]

What say the Miss Manners of the board?

 

Not the dd's call, and she shouldn't have even mentioned it in the first place. Very nervy of her.

 

Tara

[Harriet Vane]

It's really, really presumptuous of her to make such a request. Smacks of Bridezilla-ishness. :tongue_smilie:

[Audrey]

I think it is absolutely obnoxious of her to ask him to do that. I think it is condescending and, in essence, saying "you, my father, are not good enough the way you are." She might as well have said, "I'm ashamed of your looks."

 

I'm sick to death of brides-to-be who think that "their special day" gives them licence to be cruel little b!tch*s.

 

YMMV, and yada yada.

[*********]

I don't really have a big stake in this, so I'm not going to be offended by any answer. I do have some sway with both parties, but not a lot.

 

20 something daughter of hubby is having a rather fancy wedding and would like hubby's "it took me years to get it right" goatee and mustache off. It is salt and pepper and is flattering on him, but it makes him look more blue collar or country than if he were clean shaven (he is blue collar and country, and daughter is not). She thinks the hair makes him look "so old", but I have warned her he now has a waddle hiding under there.

 

Part of me thinks it is her wedding, and the situation is SO much better than his other daughter's wedding (when she put all over the invites that her "surrogate father" would be escorting her down the aisle, but didn't have the guts to tell dad it was the case), and he should go along with it. Part of me thinks it is his face, but that he doesn't understand how funny people can get about weddings (like wanting all the bridesmaids to be thin, or perm their hair, or whatever).

 

Since I'm so ungirly, and so uninterested in looking well to do and jet-setty (we are taking $500 sunglasses), I feel I have not enough insight to know which side to gently, slightly, weigh in on. I won't be there, which is a blessing, as I am frumpy beyond words, and would be miserable trying to "look the part".

 

What say the Miss Manners of the board?

 

Well, as for the beard, I think your stepdaughter is being silly. However, if I was in this situation, I guess it would depend how strongly my dh feels about shaving it or not in order for me to decide which side of the argument I'd support. There's nothing wrong with doing something silly just to make his daughter happy; however, if he feels strongly that he doesn't want to shave it, well, it's his face.

 

And I know it's OT, but I'm curious why you won't be at your stepdaughter's wedding. As a fellow stepmom, I'd hate to miss such an important occasion in thier lives. Of course, it's not really my business, LOL, but something that popped to mind when reading your OP.

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

How rude of her. Someone should tell her so. It doesn't matter if he is a touchy person. He should have been spared her opinion of his well-groomed facial hair.

[gardening momma]

I don't really have a big stake in this, so I'm not going to be offended by any answer. I do have some sway with both parties, but not a lot.

 

20 something daughter of hubby is having a rather fancy wedding and would like hubby's "it took me years to get it right" goatee and mustache off. It is salt and pepper and is flattering on him, but it makes him look more blue collar or country than if he were clean shaven (he is blue collar and country, and daughter is not). She thinks the hair makes him look "so old", but I have warned her he now has a waddle hiding under there.

 

Part of me thinks it is her wedding, and the situation is SO much better than his other daughter's wedding (when she put all over the invites that her "surrogate father" would be escorting her down the aisle, but didn't have the guts to tell dad it was the case), and he should go along with it. Part of me thinks it is his face, but that he doesn't understand how funny people can get about weddings (like wanting all the bridesmaids to be thin, or perm their hair, or whatever).

 

Since I'm so ungirly, and so uninterested in looking well to do and jet-setty (we are taking $500 sunglasses), I feel I have not enough insight to know which side to gently, slightly, weigh in on. I won't be there, which is a blessing, as I am frumpy beyond words, and would be miserable trying to "look the part".

 

What say the Miss Manners of the board?

It's her wedding, but his body (face). She can't dictate participant's or guest's hair length, presence or absence of facial hair, piercings, hair color, body size, makeup, nose hair, posture, etc. She can't tell her dad to shave his goatee.

[specialmama]

I think he should be flattered. She thinks his natural looks are more handsome than if he tries "for years to get it right". Can she hug him and ask sweetly saying that she misses his handsome face? He should feel flattered, but if it's a burden then he should feel free to say "love me like this babe" and she should accept that. I agree it's not a hill to die on for her, but it goes the same for him: it is just facial hair and this is his dd's special day, he shouldn't choose to die on this hill either.

[jplain]

...it is just facial hair and this is his dd's special day, he shouldn't choose to die on this hill either.

You say this even though the original post states that it took him literally years to grow/groom this facial hair?

 

(And yes, this is a realistic assertion. It would take my DH years to grow a decent-looking goatee too.)

 

Her special day shouldn't require him to shave off the result of years of effort. :glare:

[abbeyej]

It's silly of her to ask. BUT, given their past relationship challenges, perhaps it's a small sacrifice he'd be willing to make, as a token gesture?

 

If *she* were asking me, I'd tell her to let it go and get over herself. But since *you*'re asking (and, I suspect, have more sway with your husband than with his daughter), I'd suggest encouraging him to humor her in this. For the sake of future relationship.

[kalanamak]

And I know it's OT, but I'm curious why you won't be at your stepdaughter's wedding. As a fellow stepmom, I'd hate to miss such an important occasion in thier lives. Of course, it's not really my business, LOL, but something that popped to mind when reading your OP.

 

She does not consider me her stepmother. She was nearly done with high school when we met. I certainly am polite and friendly to her, but we have "no relationship".

I'd have to see his ex. He once loved her, I did not.

 

I hate weddings (or any enterprise that requires new clothes)... we got married over lunch outside the cath lab at the hospital, e.g. I hate to fly. We have to pay a lot for travel this summer, as my family reunion is going on, too. That means I have to work more over time, which means time away from homeschooling (as I do all of it).

 

Both the daughters feel real grief not to see their parents together. It pains them to see them with someone else. I don't think they feel very good about seeing our son, either. They are better at hiding it than they used to be, but I believe it causes them real pain and/or disgust to see him.

 

She probably is a little ashamed of her dad, as well as her origins. She worked very, very hard to be the first in her extended family to have a college degree, and works very hard to have money, a fancy convertible, a Southern California life-style, a husband of refined stock with a very regal foreign accent, etc. I respect her efforts even if I wouldn't do that myself. She did it legally by her own efforts. Many "newly made" are ambivalent about their trailer next to a feedlot they grew up in.

[Haiku]

Can she hug him and ask sweetly saying that she misses his handsome face?

 

Sorry, but there's really no sweet way to say that. "I don't like the way you look" is what is meant, and that's rude. My sister asked me to cut my hair for her wedding so that I could wear it the way the rest of the bridesmaids were wearing it: with bangs. At the time, my hair was to my waist and I had no bangs. Uh, sure, I'll chop off years of hair growth so that I look uniform with your other bridesmaids. Um, no. This man wears a goatee. That's what he does. Who really gives a flying pig whether dd likes it? You don't go around telling people to change the way they look for your one-day event. You really don't go around telling people to change the way they look, period. I honestly can't believe people think that's ok.

 

"I miss your handsome face" basically translates to "You look ugly the way you are." :thumbdown:

 

Tara

[PiCO]

Well, my first choice would have been let them hash it out. If that won't work, I say go at it from both sides.

 

Try to get out of the bride what she really wants from her father at her wedding. Does she want him to be urbane? Not going to happen, no matter how he looks. Just wants him to look a certain way in a picture? Tell her to think down the road 30 years- would she rather have him looking like she wants him to look, or like himself? Does she realize he has a waddle that the goatee hides well? After you figure out what dd is trying to accomplish, then go at dh from an "it's only temporary, it's her special day, she's overstressed, immature, and crazy from the wedding" kind of way.

[Haiku]

For the sake of future relationship.

 

Unfortunately, this future relationship could very well be one where dd thinks she's free to walk all over dad and demand petty whims from him.

 

Tara

[Haiku]

I don't think they feel very good about seeing our son, either. They are better at hiding it than they used to be, but I believe it causes them real pain and/or disgust to see him.

 

 

& etc.

 

Wow, she sounds like a real peach. I wouldn't be attending the wedding either if I were you. Sounds like Little Miss Priss seriously needs to get over herself. She's disgusted by her brother? Sorry but ... what a b!tch.

 

Tara

[Tap]

I don't have a problem with her asking, he can decline, but she needs to accept that also.

 

I personally hate(!!!) goatees and think they look like p*bic hair landing stip on a face, so I do understand an aversion to them :D. Younger guys in our area don't wear moustaches, maybe just a little scruff on the face, but not a trimmed 'stache. They are very dated here and would make a man look like he was stuck in the 90s (think Tom Seleck, Ted Danson).

 

You may want to talk to him and see if he has any particular reason that he has them in the first place. I know some people who have physical scars or medical disorders that facial hair hides. I would ask him how long he expects it to take to repair the facial hair, and if he thinks it will take longer to repair the relationship if he doesn't do it.......

 

Maybe you can talk to her and ask her what she IS willing to compromise on. Dye, giving up one or the other (I would be okay with the 'stache if he shaved the goatee), or is she only willing to accept it all coming off?

 

If she really wants it all off, is she willing to pay for him to go to a barber for a few visits to get it trimmed back into shape, as it grows back, afterwards? Maybe he won't take her up on it, but giving him a check for $100 and instructions to use it to fix what she asked him to take off, may help him to feel better about getting it reshaped. (tell him to get a current photo of himself to take into the barber so they know what he is looking for).

 

Is she willing to have the photographer edit some of the pictures to have him not have the goatee/stache in the most important photos? This way he can keep it, but it isn't staring at her from the living room wall.

 

What will she do if he doesn't shave it? Is she going to kick him out of the wedding?

[Guest Dulcimeramy]

Well-groomed facial hair is not dirty, gross, offensive, or comparable to pubic hair.

 

:001_huh:

 

Men don't need to have a reason to let their facial hair grow. Bearded men are not all hiding scars or disfigurement. No man with a beard should be asked what he's trying to hide under there.

 

:001_huh:

 

The suggestion that maybe the photographer could photoshop his facial hair away so she doesn't have to see it on her living room wall??

 

:001_huh: :001_huh: :001_huh:

[PiCO]

She does not consider me her stepmother. She was nearly done with high school when we met. I certainly am polite and friendly to her, but we have "no relationship".

I'd have to see his ex. He once loved her, I did not.

 

I have a lot of respect for you for realizing this, and not throwing yourself into the "stepmother" role. My father remarried when I was in college, and his "new" wife (of 25 years now ;)) has the nerve to give me "motherly" advise on the rare occasions that I see her. Thanks, I'll pass.

 

I hate weddings (or any enterprise that requires new clothes)... we got married over lunch outside the cath lab at the hospital, e.g. I hate to fly. We have to pay a lot for travel this summer, as my family reunion is going on, too. That means I have to work more over time, which means time away from homeschooling (as I do all of it).

 

I hear ya! I got married on top of a mountain. Dh & I rode our mountain bikes up, so we were sweaty & wearing workout clothes for the ceremony. Mostly to avoid having to wear a wedding dress!

 

She probably is a little ashamed of her dad, as well as her origins. She worked very, very hard to be the first in her extended family to have a college degree, and works very hard to have money, a fancy convertible, a Southern California life-style, a husband of refined stock with a very regal foreign accent, etc. I respect her efforts even if I wouldn't do that myself. She did it legally by her own efforts. Many "newly made" are ambivalent about their trailer next to a feedlot they grew up in.

 

Maybe you can talk her into being proud of her origins- from the point of view that she should be proud of her hard work through her life, and how far she raised herself up by her own bootstraps. (In an, "if you can't hide it, feature it" kind of way... not a "being poor was so great" way.)

[PiCO]

Wow, she sounds like a real peach. I wouldn't be attending the wedding either if I were you. Sounds like Little Miss Priss seriously needs to get over herself. She's disgusted by her brother? Sorry but ... what a b!tch.

 

You don't need to be a b!tch to hate your little half siblings. I really dispised mine when I was in my 20's. It's hard to see your father have a new life that doesn't include you. (And I am certainly not a little Miss Priss.)

 

FWIW, I am friends with my younger half siblings now. I grew up and realized I shouldn't blame them for things that happeded before they were born.

[Audrey]

Well-groomed facial hair is not dirty, gross, offensive, or comparable to pubic hair.

 

:001_huh:

 

Men don't need to have a reason to let their facial hair grow. Bearded men are not all hiding scars or disfigurement. No man with a beard should be asked what he's trying to hide under there.

 

:001_huh:

 

The suggestion that maybe the photographer could photoshop his facial hair away so she doesn't have to see it on her living room wall??

 

:001_huh: :001_huh: :001_huh:

 

 

Oh, you said all that sooooo much nicer than I was thinking. :D

[blakereese]

It's really, really presumptuous of her to make such a request. Smacks of Bridezilla-ishness. :tongue_smilie:

 

VERY Bridezilla. I couldn't imagine asking my Dad something like this.

 

I think it is absolutely obnoxious of her to ask him to do that. I think it is condescending and, in essence, saying "you, my father, are not good enough the way you are." She might as well have said, "I'm ashamed of your looks."

 

I'm sick to death of brides-to-be who think that "their special day" gives them licence to be cruel little b!tch*s.

 

YMMV, and yada yada.

 

:iagree: Yes, it does make it sound like she is ashamed and doesn't think he is good enough. Sure, he can shave it off and keep the peace, but it isn't really even about the goatee. I know I do not understand all of the issues of their relationship, but I do think this bride has gone too far. ESPECIALLY since their relationship is so rocky.

 

Well-groomed facial hair is not dirty, gross, offensive, or comparable to pubic hair.

 

:001_huh:

 

Men don't need to have a reason to let their facial hair grow. Bearded men are not all hiding scars or disfigurement. No man with a beard should be asked what he's trying to hide under there.

 

:001_huh:

 

The suggestion that maybe the photographer could photoshop his facial hair away so she doesn't have to see it on her living room wall??

 

:001_huh: :001_huh: :001_huh:

 

 

Exactly. :001_huh: I guess weddings/photos are more important to some people than actual people and relationships. I'm sure this bride will see later on down the road that it is just a day, and not as important as it seems now.

[silliness7]

Sounds like bridezilla. Sorry. The "it's my wedding" only goes so far. It's o.k. to ask dad to wear a tux, imo. But he should wear his hair how he is comfortable and how he perceives is flattering to him (facial hair included). I was in a wedding where the bridesmaids had to wear these awful hats. I do not have a hat face. It was hideous. But it was the bride's day. :tongue_smilie:

[Scuff]

My advice would depend on who was asking.

 

Absolutely she shouldn't ask him. She should want her father there and love him as he is and I would tell her that. Are we getting married for the show? Do you want people thwre for that show or because you love them and want to share your day with them?

 

On the other hand, it just hair. If it matters that much to her, why not? Sure she's beng unreasonable, but is it worth the fight to be right? What will it cost in relationship to be right? Maybe we can do what she wants just as a gift of love to her

[Haiku]

You don't need to be a b!tch to hate your little half siblings. I really dispised mine when I was in my 20's. It's hard to see your father have a new life that doesn't include you. (And I am certainly not a little Miss Priss.)

 

FWIW, I am friends with my younger half siblings now. I grew up and realized I shouldn't blame them for things that happeded before they were born.

 

Well, I quoted that part (about the brother) because it really stood out to me, but all of what the OP posted in that post was what made me think this girl is not a very top-quality kind. Your opinion may vary. My father remarried when I was 18 and adopted my sister (his wife's daughter). I was not happy that my parents got divorced, nor was I happy that my dad remarried. I got over it, too. (FTR, I was pleased that he adopted my sister, because she needed a dad.) But for a grown adult to harbor hostility toward a child simply because of a marriage arrangement is, to me, redonkulous (as my son would put it) and an indicator that the adult in question needs to do some serious soul-searching. This girls sounds like she is excessively self-centered. Again, my opinion only.

 

Tara

[abbeyej]

Unfortunately, this future relationship could very well be one where dd thinks she's free to walk all over dad and demand petty whims from him.

 

Tara

 

It's certainly not ideal. But in the past they've had no relationship at all.

[Wheres Toto]

I think it's ridiculous to ask someone to change their hair (facial or otherwise) for a one day event. Asking them to dress a certain way is reasonable - they take that outfit off and they are back to the way they used to be. Hair (again facial or otherwise) can take a long time to get right and undoing years (or even weeks) of effort for one day is unreasonable to ask.

 

The comments about hating young half siblings makes me sad. I am so glad my oldest does not feel that way about her younger siblings.

[PiCO]

The comments about hating young half siblings makes me sad. I am so glad my oldest does not feel that way about her younger siblings.

 

It is sad, but you can't always control your feelings. My father handled leaving my mother in a horrible manner. I had a LOT of resentment toward him and his new wife, and those feelings extended to his first child kind of by default.

 

The few times I did actually see his new baby, I really couldn't help but love him- he was such a force of personality even as a toddler- so my hurt and hate did not affect him (except that he didn't really get to know me until he was older.)

[JFSinIL]

As long as his facial hair is clean and trimmed - she should not bug him to shave. She sounds a bit Bridezillaish in her demand!

[LidiyaDawn]

Sorry, but there's really no sweet way to say that. "I don't like the way you look" is what is meant, and that's rude. My sister asked me to cut my hair for her wedding so that I could wear it the way the rest of the bridesmaids were wearing it: with bangs. At the time, my hair was to my waist and I had no bangs. Uh, sure, I'll chop off years of hair growth so that I look uniform with your other bridesmaids. Um, no. This man wears a goatee. That's what he does. Who really gives a flying pig whether dd likes it? You don't go around telling people to change the way they look for your one-day event. You really don't go around telling people to change the way they look, period. I honestly can't believe people think that's ok.

 

"I miss your handsome face" basically translates to "You look ugly the way you are." :thumbdown:

 

Tara

 

:iagree:

 

I wonder what people would say if the bride was asking someone to lose weight for the wedding & photos?

[kalanamak]

Well, it has been a request, not a demand. Both daughters have grown up quite a bit, and are still improving. Dad won't be kicked out of the ceremony. I did warn the daughter he now has a waddle behind it, and I haven't heard anything else (:D), and I have tried to get hubby to shave. I'm just a little tired of the beard (it was my suggestion 9 years ago, to show off his handsome jaw line but cover his slightly uneven mouth), but it does make him easier to find (if we lose him -- which has happened -- he can't hear the overhead, so staff have to look, and his distinct look makes it easier. He is usually in the sales area, and has completely lost track of time and everything else.)

 

Everyone will live through it either way. Hubby doesn't mind looking "different" than everyone else in the picture, and doesn't see that were his daughter Oprah, her origins would be a plus, but in that climb up the ladder in the world she is in, a slightly more presentable father could actually make a difference to a job in future. Like I say, not the world I choose, but I know it is there. He is using that pricey hair stuff to fill in his thinning pate, to look better. Now, to convince him to rent a standard tux, not his not quite long enough one from years ago.

 

(As an amusing aside, he recently wrote a check towards the wedding dress. Since writing isn't his forte, he was off by a factor of 10. I literally clutched my chest when I saw what would cost me 120 hours of overtime, not 12. See, he's a smart man. He knows to let Mama proof-read his work. :) )

Edited March 5, 2011 by kalanamak

[kalanamak]

:iagree:

 

I wonder what people would say if the bride was asking someone to lose weight for the wedding & photos?

 

I was asked that in college. :lol:

[Abigail4476]

I don't think anyone should pressure him to comply. If she's ashamed of him or embarrassed by him *as is*, she shouldn't be inviting him. Family members aren't supposed to be asked to change to make us look good; they are to be loved and appreciated just as they are, warts and all.

 

There is quite a lot of charm to be found in the very "un-urbane"; perhaps your stepdaughter needs to learn to appreciate it. And understand that surrounding yourself with carefully chosen human accessories is a smoke screen that dissolves quickly. People will eventually find out that she has humble beginnings; it's best to embrace them, and even flaunt them. ;)

[LidiyaDawn]

in that climb up the ladder in the world she is in, a slightly more presentable father could actually make a difference to a job in future. Like I say, not the world I choose, but I know it is there.

 

The kind of facial hair her father has can affect her job? :001_huh:

 

Seriously?

[TechWife]

Nope - he gets to keep the beard. Love him like he is!