Sheila in OK Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Exactly. In my opinion, she should care more about her dad being there than about what he looks like. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nature Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 He should absolutely not shave! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 You would have said, "No," but he should say, "Yes"? And it's easier to dye hair back (even back to gray, I presume) than to regrow a beard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 20 something daughter of hubby is having a rather fancy wedding and would like hubby's "it took me years to get it right" goatee and mustache off. It is salt and pepper and is flattering on him, but it makes him look more blue collar or country than if he were clean shaven (he is blue collar and country, and daughter is not). She thinks the hair makes him look "so old", but I have warned her he now has a waddle hiding under there. When I read this I took it to mean it took years to find a style he likes. Perhaps it takes some men years to actually grow out a beard? It would only take dh a few months! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatCyndiGirl Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Very controlling and uber-Bridezilla. Ick. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Oops, duplicate account :/ Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Unless, it was really long? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardening momma Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 When I read this I took it to mean it took years to find a style he likes. Perhaps it takes some men years to actually grow out a beard? It would only take dh a few months! Unless, it was really long? No, some guys really can't grow a beard fast. Dh's would be very thin, especially on the sides, if he grew one. So far, I won't let him. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 I don't get why it would take "years." :confused: I was quoting my husband's view of it. He fussed and trimmed and waxed and did who knows what the first few years, but now has it "perfect" with little care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OrganicAnn Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think the bride can dictate what Dad wears, that he has the beard well trimmed and that it is clean. But shaving it off is asking too much. Now if Dad is the type that will shave it off on the spur of the moment and then regrow it 8 months later, then I can see gently suggesting.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nestof3 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 May we see his facial hair? :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tylianna Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 DH says that he would shave his goatee if his daughter wanted it for her wedding. It's just hair and it grows back. Of course, they have him tied around their pinkies. Lol Really it is up to your dh. If he is opposed to it or not. He plays a bigger role in the wedding than the father of the groom would. When I first read it, I thought it was the future dil that wanted him to shave, and I thought "no way!" but, for the daughter, then yes. Of course, I have no idea what kind of relationship they have. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I didn't read the replies, but my response is "oh please!" She needs to grow up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I would have been happy for my daddy to walk me down the isle wearing jeans. He died when I was 14 and if I could I would have shaved my own head to have him there for that day. I'm right there with you. I was 14 when my dad died, and though I rarely cry over him because it's been so long, my wedding day was one of those bittersweet times he was on my mind. OTOH, there are people with fathers who are the type of men who don't deserve the name Daddy. This woman should be happy she has a loving father in her life, rather than acting ashamed of him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*~Tina~* Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 my dd just got married in October, so I posed this scenario to her this evening and she said "No Way! That would be like me asking Dad to wear a toupee! That's going too far." (in her case Dad's a little thin on top ;)) No adding hair, no taking away :D same difference Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
littleWMN Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I didn't read the replies, but my response is "oh please!" She needs to grow up. I asked DH what he would do. He's always been clean-shaven. He said he thinks he would shave it off, but that he would be hurt. I lost my dad two years ago so I've got that perspective, but I think she's being selfish and petty. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happi duck Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Don't shave! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 No. It's not okay for the bride to dictate personal grooming habits. She can request nicely, but your dh is under no obligation to accomodate her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacy in NJ Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I feel this situation is different. Your Dad could have put the tux on and taken it off when it's over. Kal's dh could not grow the goatee back that fast. AND I personally think that it is bordering on insult to request changing someone's appearance - not clothes. It's different IMHO than asking someone to wear something specific - that does not mean cutting something off their bodies. So, asking someone to ware a particular tux is fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KristinaBreece Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 So, asking someone to ware a particular tux is fine. Isn't it kind of standard for the attendants to wear what they bride & groom ask? I would have chosen my dad's tux if DH & I had had a formal wedding ceremony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I see no harm in classing it up a bit There is nothing unclassy about a beard or goatee. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 May we see his facial hair? :D I'm not that clever with the computer. Imagine a nicer, fuller, a little longer Kenny Roger's goatee, with some pepper in it, in a man who looks like a cross between Jed Clampett (I have trimmed his eyebrows) and Bobbie Kennedy. Nose, eyes, brow of Jed, and jaw and teeth of Bobbie. This is pretty accurate. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I'm not that clever with the computer. Imagine a nicer, fuller, a little longer Kenny Roger's goatee, with some pepper in it, in a man who looks like a cross between Jed Clampett (I have trimmed his eyebrows) and Bobbie Kennedy. Nose, eyes, brow of Jed, and jaw and teeth of Bobbie. This is pretty accurate. I too have seen your husband. He might not belong on the cover of GQ (and how many of our husbands would, honestly!) but he is clean and neatly groomed. I think if he looked like many of the homeless men I know, then there would be a legitimate problem with her employer and her wedding itself. But baring that kind of extreme (which doesn't fit your husband at all!) then he is perfectly respectable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think it is absolutely obnoxious of her to ask him to do that. I think it is condescending and, in essence, saying "you, my father, are not good enough the way you are." She might as well have said, "I'm ashamed of your looks." I'm sick to death of brides-to-be who think that "their special day" gives them licence to be cruel little b!tch*s. YMMV, and yada yada. I completely agree with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jld Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I haven't read the other replies, but yes, I would absolutely wear my hair the way my dd wanted it, even if I needed to get it cut. Even better would be if I asked her why she wanted my hair cut or worn a certain way, and see if we could negotiate something acceptable to both of us. I love my daughter; why wouldn't I want to make her happy in such a small way, on what some women consider the happiest day of their lives (me included)? Also, Chelsea Clinton told her dad he had to lose 20 lbs. for her wedding, and he did. Is that wrong, too? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think it would be wrong to ask him to lose weight. That is not as simple as a 10 minute shave. My dh would shave. It will grow back. No big deal. Says it is not different than asking that the mother of the bride and groom to wear a certain style or color dress, which is very common. I agree. If my dd asked I wear my hair a certain way or that I wear makeup - I would. Frankly, should our children find someone whom they love and who loves them back and they treat each other well - dh and I would too thrilled and happy for them to care about hair. Our only prayer is they are as blessed in their marriages as we have been. Dh says there are many times where men have to suck it up and shave their beard or trim their hair or wear a tie when none of these things are their personal preference or style. If he would do it for a job or whatever, he would certainly be happy to do it for his daughter's wedding. ESPECIALLY if he had not had a particularly close relationship with his daughter(s) in previous years for whatever reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think its ok to ask, but not ok to push the point or get in a huff if he doesn't want to do it. Some father/daughters are close enough that they could ask each other that sort of thing and it wouldn't be taken offensively, even if it was a bit cheeky (such as the losing weight thing- I bet Chelsea Clinton also knew it would be good for her dad to lose weight- so it s a win win situation). I think it IS ok to ask, but if he doesn't want to, he shouldn't feel bullied or emotionally manipulated into doing it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I see no harm in classing it up a bit There is nothing unclassy about a beard or goatee. Tara Yeah I was just sitting here wondering why on earth a beard is somehow seen as "hick" or something.... (and for that matter... what exactly is "hick" - and why do people DO that to each other??) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
snickelfritz Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 My dh would shave. It will grow back. No big deal. Says it is not different than asking that the mother of the bride and groom to wear a certain style or color dress, which is very common. I agree. If my dd asked I wear my hair a certain way or that I wear makeup - I would. Would you CUT your hair though? Not a trim, but a specific style the bride wanted? Like the one poster who had long hair, no bangs and the bride wanted bangs? Or a bride who thinks mom's shoulder length hair is immature and wants a sophisticated short cut? If it's temporary, I'd do it. As a bridesmaid, I've gone to the bride's hairdresser. But she came at me with rollers, not scissors. Something that will take months to get back right? Well, we need to find a temporary fix. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katemary63 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Also, Chelsea Clinton told her dad he had to lose 20 lbs. for her wedding, and he did. Is that wrong, too? Um......YES!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 We woman tend to get a little nuts about weddings and I can see the possibility of this fueling a huge battle. You see, that is the problem. Getting nuts about ONE DAY, but sacrificing a relationship? I do wish brides everywhere would put more energy into the relationship as they do into planning a wedding. A wedding is one day, but family is a lifetime! I am all for wanting a nice wedding, but the obsessing over details to the detriment of relationships is a sign of pure selfishness. I could rant more about this, but am stepping down off the soapbox. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think its ok to ask, but not ok to push the point or get in a huff if he doesn't want to do it. Some father/daughters are close enough that they could ask each other that sort of thing and it wouldn't be taken offensively, even if it was a bit cheeky (such as the losing weight thing- I bet Chelsea Clinton also knew it would be good for her dad to lose weight- so it s a win win situation). I think it IS ok to ask, but if he doesn't want to, he shouldn't feel bullied or emotionally manipulated into doing it. This makes a lot of sense. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 (such as the losing weight thing- I bet Chelsea Clinton also knew it would be good for her dad to lose weight- so it s a win win situation). I'm no Clinton fan, but as I recall, Bill's doctor had also told him to lose weight. I think Chelsea meant it as a goal... lose this much weight by the wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 You see, that is the problem. Getting nuts about ONE DAY, but sacrificing a relationship? I do wish brides everywhere would put more energy into the relationship as they do into planning a wedding. A wedding is one day, but family is a lifetime! I am all for wanting a nice wedding, but the obsessing over details to the detriment of relationships is a sign of pure selfishness. I could rant more about this, but am stepping down off the soapbox. That's how I feel about lavish expensive weddings, even though I know what someone spends on their wedding is none of my business. :) But I can't help thinking that if all that money was put towards the beginning of a couple's life together, they'd have a decent start. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coralloyd Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I haven't read all the responses. My reaction was that she shouldn't ask that. However, I didn't even think to ask my dh to dye his hair back to it's normal color for our wedding. My dh had a different reaction. He said of course he should shave it. As a father he would think he would want to make all his little girl's dreams come true on that day, especially if it doesn't cost anything. He doesn't see the big deal. The hair will grow back. He would do it in a heart beat. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think it's pretty rude. My dad asked if he could wear a tux w/tails and his "good" boots and jeans to walk me down the aisle. I said yes because I wanted my real dad to walk me down not some fake version of him. I'm so glad I didn't make an issue of it because he was killed in an accident less than a year later. I don't get the bride craziness and why they should make everyone cater to them for one day. Weird! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Also, Chelsea Clinton told her dad he had to lose 20 lbs. for her wedding, and he did. Is that wrong, too? Yup, sure is. I guess even daughters of presidents can be rude little ... too. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mejane Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 If you're still counting votes, then mine is no way. It's not a big, bushy Jeremiah Johnson deal. :D What you describe sounds nice. Either way, though, it's not her place to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 You see, that is the problem. Getting nuts about ONE DAY, but sacrificing a relationship? I do wish brides everywhere would put more energy into the relationship as they do into planning a wedding. A wedding is one day, but family is a lifetime! I am all for wanting a nice wedding, but the obsessing over details to the detriment of relationships is a sign of pure selfishness. I could rant more about this, but am stepping down off the soapbox. I so totally agree with you, and probably more! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I think it's pretty rude. My dad asked if he could wear a tux w/tails and his "good" boots and jeans to walk me down the aisle. I said yes because I wanted my real dad to walk me down not some fake version of him. I'm so glad I didn't make an issue of it because he was killed in an accident less than a year later. I don't get the bride craziness and why they should make everyone cater to them for one day. Weird! Awesome! And I bet the guests loved it (and remember your walk down the aisle much better than the myriad 'picture perfect' ones they have witnessed). When I got married, I couldn't believe how many people asked me who was going to do my hair and makeup. Um, me? Just like every other day of my life, lol. People were so surprised and dubious at that answer that it might have been offensive, if it weren't so funny :D. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Would you CUT your hair though? Not a trim, but a specific style the bride wanted? Like the one poster who had long hair, no bangs and the bride wanted bangs? Or a bride who thinks mom's shoulder length hair is immature and wants a sophisticated short cut? If it's temporary, I'd do it. As a bridesmaid, I've gone to the bride's hairdresser. But she came at me with rollers, not scissors. Something that will take months to get back right? Well, we need to find a temporary fix. Yes. It IS temporary. My hair will grow back. I don't get it. Everyone is saying how selfish this girl is for wanting dad to shave. Isn't the dad at least as selfish as her for having a fit over facial hair? Would I do it for yahoo I barely know? Nope. But that isn't the case. It is a daughter. Would I do it for a tip to the zoo? Nope. But that isn't the case. It is my daughter's wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Laurie Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 I don't get it. Everyone is saying how selfish this girl is for wanting dad to shave. Isn't the dad at least as selfish as her for having a fit over facial hair? Would I do it for yahoo I barely know? Nope. But that isn't the case. It is a daughter. Would I do it for a tip to the zoo? Nope. But that isn't the case. It is my daughter's wedding. ITA. And I may be way off base, but reading between the lines, it seems like there's some negative history between dad and daughters, since the other daughter left him out of her wedding. If that's the case, and shaving his beard would be a meaningful gesture to his daughter, and help repair their relationship, it seems a small thing to me and I would definitely do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Isn't the dad at least as selfish as her for having a fit over facial hair? No, because how he wears his facial hair is none of her darned business. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Yup, sure is. I guess even daughters of presidents can be rude little ... too. Tara Now, see, I'm an optimist, and I thought it was a daughter exercising a little leverage to get a beloved dad who's had a heart attack to shape up a little. :001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 If you're still counting votes, then mine is no way. It's not a big, bushy Jeremiah Johnson deal. :D What you describe sounds nice. Either way, though, it's not her place to say. Well, the update is that she is hinting away about doing it SOON so he won't show up there with "a big white spot where your beard was". And he's thinking of doing it. As much as he's made a deal about refusing it, I think some part of him is really happy she gives enough of a hoot to be calling him about it. At this very moment he's hunting for a special birthday present to send with the check for the dress.:tongue_smilie: Takes all kinds to make the world go round, as my dear departed mother used to say. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Haiku Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Now, see, I'm an optimist, and I thought it was a daughter exercising a little leverage to get a beloved dad who's had a heart attack to shape up a little. Also, Chelsea Clinton told her dad he had to lose 20 lbs. for her wedding, and he did. Is that wrong, too? Perhaps you are right, Kalanamak, but the way it was phrased came across more as a rude demand. Tara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Truscifi Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 Yes. It IS temporary. My hair will grow back. I don't get it. Everyone is saying how selfish this girl is for wanting dad to shave. Isn't the dad at least as selfish as her for having a fit over facial hair? Would I do it for yahoo I barely know? Nope. But that isn't the case. It is a daughter. Would I do it for a tip to the zoo? Nope. But that isn't the case. It is my daughter's wedding. ITA. And I may be way off base, but reading between the lines, it seems like there's some negative history between dad and daughters, since the other daughter left him out of her wedding. If that's the case, and shaving his beard would be a meaningful gesture to his daughter, and help repair their relationship, it seems a small thing to me and I would definitely do it. :iagree: Dh said it would depend on how it was asked and the spirit behind it, but he probably would. Now, see, I'm an optimist, and I thought it was a daughter exercising a little leverage to get a beloved dad who's had a heart attack to shape up a little. :001_smile: I thought so too. And I'm not above using something like this to get my parents to take better care of themselves. I want them to be around as long as possible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 ITA. And I may be way off base, but reading between the lines, it seems like there's some negative history between dad and daughters, since the other daughter left him out of her wedding. If that's the case, and shaving his beard would be a meaningful gesture to his daughter, and help repair their relationship, it seems a small thing to me and I would definitely do it. That is how dh and I read it. And he said if he had had the slightest qualms about it, knowing they aren't particuliarly close would remove any qualms about doing something so simple for her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LidiyaDawn Posted March 6, 2011 Share Posted March 6, 2011 That is how dh and I read it. And he said if he had had the slightest qualms about it, knowing they aren't particuliarly close would remove any qualms about doing something so simple for her. Re: the bolded I think that's a key thing though - for some people, shaving/cutting hair/etc would be "simple" ... for others, it wouldn't. I had waist length hair for YEARS and then cut it off last year - very spontaneously, without much thought. Looking in the mirror still makes me sad. I didn't have my head on straight when I did it, not at all. Nobody asked me to do it, so it's a different situation, but I no longer feel truly quite like 'me'... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 Perhaps you are right, Kalanamak, but the way it was phrased came across more as a rude demand. Tara I had an abusive boyfriend in college. A few years later I volunteered to do the Thematic test for someone doing research on people who were NOT raised with abusive families who end up like I did. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thematic_Apperception_Test and saw 100% positive things. The "so angry I could stab him card" with the scowling person in the foreground and the prone body and the knife in the background, I read as "someone concerned over a loved one having surgery" :lol: Now, then, I work with rapists and murderers and I don't feel all lovely dovey and optimistic about their rehab, but without out proof to the contrary, I tend to see all actions as loving or at least not hostile. It is perhaps why I can work with murderers and rapists (as well as abused adults and DD clients, anorexics, etc). So, that is why I thought it was daughterly leverage. It was something I might do in that situation. I do get the feeling, from her body language, that she likes her dad, but who really knows, eh? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kalanamak Posted March 6, 2011 Author Share Posted March 6, 2011 That is how dh and I read it. And he said if he had had the slightest qualms about it, knowing they aren't particuliarly close would remove any qualms about doing something so simple for her. If you are without vanity, I salute you. Besides his nice ring, this is his vanity point. He'd never had a goatee, and was pleasantly surprised to find many people telling him how good he looks in it. But we are not S. California yuppies. I guess my concern is how "attentive" these girls are when they want something, and how unattentive they are when there is nothing to get. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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