Anyone else tired of the socialization arguement?

[cara]

If I have to hear one more time how traditional school is better for socializing a child and that homeschoolers have no social skills and are weird and socially awkward I may scream or beat my head against a wall.

 

Can't those against homeschooling come up with a better arguement against it?

 

But they can't because everyone knows at least one person that homeschooled and was weird and socially awkward and so they conclude that all homeschoolers are like that. :banghead::banghead::banghead:

[tricia]

Well seeing how you want to scream and bang your head against the wall could make one wonder!!!:lol:

 

Haha, I'm only joking. I too am a bit tired of it. And I can't tell you the number of social misfits I know who attend public school. I'm wondering when and where homeschoolers became to own the social misfits icon when clearly it belongs in it's place. And we all know where that is.

[tammyw]

I too find it amusing and annoying. My daughter can (usually) talk very comfortably and intelligently with adults and people of all ages, whereas a neighbor girl a few houses down seems VERY awkward whenever we try to talk to her. She isn't the first "schooled" kid we've experienced that with. And I'm not saying all school kids are like this - I'm just saying that some kids are and some kids aren't - regardless of whether they are homeschooled or not!

[Retired]

I don't hear it any longer. My sons are 13 and 17 they are very up on mainstream culture, politics and speak comfortably with adults on any subject.

 

I now here questions like "what about the prom" which I can then tell them well my son has 6 different proms to choose from or go to all of them:D

 

That pretty much shuts them up

 

I attend a Church now where the pastors full time job is Assistant Superintendent of schools. The other parents tell me that if the school is good enough for the pastor then its good enough for them.

 

Jeez I wonder can they think for themselves.

 

Now their kids all say they would love to be home schooled.

 

Oh and pastor has never said anything negative about my homeschooling and most of the PS teachers that attend the church are very curious and ask me questions but not the interrogation kind.:D

[justamouse]

what socialization argument?

 

 

 

KIDDING!

 

I don't hear it much. But i have selective hearing, too.

[Anne in CA]

This gets discussed to death because people will not let it go. I'm going to start telling people:

 

"I've worked in customer service for the last twenty-two years. Are you really going to try to tell me that the people who go to public school are well socialized???"

 

Because people who attended public school, lie to me about how much they have had to drink, whether or not they are staying in the hotel, the limit on their credit card, ect. They also complain about things that never happened to get free stuff, and one woman last year screamed at a security guard when she lost her camera. Were these people home schooled??? I think not.

[Caitilin]

I don't get that so much. What I get is this fixation on my kids hanging out with other kids from our little town--as if the "community" in which I live is more important than the "community" of hsers who actually support us in the life we live. This imagined community is the town in which 8-yos walking by my house this summer were throwing around f-in' this, da'n that, s't the other. This is what I should want for my kids??? I think NOT! :glare: But it DOES get old, and fast. Raise your own kids, and leave me to raise mine, thanks.:tongue_smilie:

[IsabelC]

I bought The Well Adjusted Child by Rachel Gathercole.

 

If anyone is seriously interested, that can read that and get back to me. I haven't had any takers yet. :tongue_smilie:

[jewellsmommy]

Our new son was in public school before coming to us. He hated it and his IEP teacher actually suggested that home education would greatly benefit him.

 

Anyway, he is quite uncomfortable in social situations. He has trouble around adults and other kids. I am sure it has something to do with his adhd and other issues. But, my dd, who has always been hs'ed, is a social butterfly. I just loved hearing my father in law talk about how this ps boy could be a good influence socially for our hs dd. Where is the gag-me-with-a-fork smiley when you need it? ERRR! I had to practically drag new ds from the car and pry him from his nintendo ds to get him into the house of another hs family where there was a boy his age I wanted him to meet. And adults? It is like they don't even appear on his radar. He has practically mowed down people in our church and grocery store.

 

Some kids are just naturally more comfortable in social situations and some aren't. I think it has little to do with their education. Some grow into it later as well.

Edited January 11, 2011 by jewellsmommy

[MorganClassicalPrep]

Yes. I am SO tired of hearing it. I think I get it even more because DD is naturally an extremely shy person. She doesn't talk to strangers, period. Even if I encourage her to say hi or bye or thank you she won't speak.

 

People are constantly telling me that I should put her in school to get over that.

 

Sure. Except... I went through 14 years of public schooling, and I am the same way. DD is actually more social than I am, she at least enjoys being around her friends, for the most part I prefer to be alone.

[parias1126]

Yes. I am SO tired of hearing it. I think I get it even more because DD is naturally an extremely shy person. She doesn't talk to strangers, period. Even if I encourage her to say hi or bye or thank you she won't speak.

 

People are constantly telling me that I should put her in school to get over that.

 

Sure. Except... I went through 14 years of public schooling, and I am the same way. DD is actually more social than I am, she at least enjoys being around her friends, for the most part I prefer to be alone.

 

I have a son who is the same way and constantly hear the same thing! I'm so sick of it too! As soon as he gets to know other children, he opens right up. It's just adults he won't speak to. You know what? Good! I'm glad he isn't a social butterfly like my DDs always were. I always had to keep such a close eye on them. I have had to actually have talks with my DD8 how we don't just strike up conversations with everyone around us.

 

I have a teen and see how these public schooled teens act. I would never say all, but A LOT of them seem to think it's okay to use slang words, cuss three times in one sentence, etc. And why do they're parents not care???? I just don't get it!

 

But it all really boils down to I don't want my kids to pick up bad habits from other children whose parents don't care. My children have been in public school (2 of them) and the benefits of homeschooling totally outweigh the benefits of being in public school (if I could think of any). :lol:

 

It's better to have a few good friends rather then a lot of acquaintances. :001_smile:

[Hannah C.]

I have yet to meet a homeschooled person who will look askance at someone solely because of how they laugh, how they dress, etc. When I started public school in tenth grade, I was the girl who wore skirts and had a weird laugh. :glare: I also was called an overachiever...because I *did the work assigned* in classes and happened to get good grades because of it!! It wasn't hard work, either, these were the classes with worksheets. My public-schooled friends were also less tolerant of those they found "annoying." (However, this difference may have been due to temperaments which would have been the same regardless of schooling situation -- I've several times found myself friends with people others have trouble putting up with.)

 

I went to a very, very large public high school from 10th-12th grade, and somehow almost all the people I ended up being good friends with were people who had been homeschooled or were missionary kids. The same has been true for two of the three siblings who've since gone to that school.

 

Plus, if you're going to a school, you're theoretically going to *learn* -- which is going to mean listening to the teacher, doing activities and schoolwork, and taking tests. How is this so conducive to socializing?? I've never understood that.

 

That being said, yes, there are extremely socially awkward homeschoolers. These are usually the ones who were always at home. But you know what? Those are still some of the nicest people ever. Social awkwardness does not a bad person make!!!

[Dmmetler]

What I find funny is that my DD has FAR more time to spend time with like-minded friends now than she did when she was in PS.

[Rivka]

I went to public school, and I was weird and socially awkward there. Oddly enough, it turns out that peer rejection isn't a very good vehicle for teaching social skills.

[ChristusG]

I don't get it that much....but then again, I don't run in big circles either. My kids would probably be the definition of "unsocialized homeschooler" though. But they are just quiet. It's their nature. I'm very quiet and my husband is pretty quiet (and neither of us were homeschooled). And both of my girls are very quiet.

[NanceXToo]

I've never heard it in real life. I've never heard anything negative said against homeschooling in my real life. I've seen it occasionally on message board/forums or in responses to articles and so on, but I tend to avoid those types of things online because, seriously, who needs the drama. (If it's written just to bash. If it's a honest question or something, asked with an open mind, I don't mind answering).

[elegantlion]

I was so worried about my sister visiting and her commentary. She won't say anything to me, she says it to my parents. Before they came to visit us she was grilling my dad about whether my son will be able to take tests to get into college. It made me laugh because I realized her assumptions about homeschooling are way off. I mean this is the person that loved college so much she stayed to teach and if she wasn't teaching would still be taking classes at 45. When she left she told me how smart and mature my son was, much more mature than most 13 year olds. I wanted to stick my tongue out at her, but that wouldn't have been very mature myself.

 

Of course my dad told me all of this. He's in his 70s he doesn't even know what all those tests me, he started asking about our accountability to the state. I breezed through the details. :lol:

 

I'm so tempted to just be snotty to the next person that asks me about socialization. I'll either tell them, "Yes, it was an issue for us. I was socialized in the public school system and we wanted something totally different for ds." (That should keep them confused until you can get away) or "I went to public school and I don't like people all that much. We're hoping for a different result by homeschooling. People aren't all that bad as I thought growing up." (then smile and walk away). I think I'm aiming for the keep them confused.

[sibbis]

My friend made this. Humorous responses to all the silly questions we get asked about socialization, etc. Some of it is not for little ears...

 

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7809045

[Crissy]

Honestly, the only time I ever see people get worked up over the issue, it's here.

In real life I know people who have asked the question because they don't understand how homeschooling works. I tell them that homeschooled kids are socialized in a variety of ways, give a couple of examples, and the folks tend to say, "Oh, that's great!"

 

It has never been a problem for us.

[wapiti]

My mother is the one who keeps asking about socialization (she calls it "sociability"). To be fair(?) to her, we're new to hs-ing, and she hasn't quite finished surveying her friends about the topic (it isn't enought that she has a friend whose daughter is hs-ing). :glare: Please, mom, let it go. No more "suggestions." Pleeeease.... it makes my head hurt.

[elizabeth]

I have gotten to the point that upon hearing that bs I walk. Away . For good as it shows an ignorance that is so imbedded in the utterer's mind that I feel no need to make any attempt to confuse them with facts. Two ppl I trusted and were very close to have said things that indicate that they find me to be misguided at best and acting out of self interest at worst. It is so sad and frankly a deal breaker for me.

[Susann]

I came up with an answer years ago when I invariable asked, "But, what about socialization?" My pat answer was, "Oh, my goodnes that's one of the main reasons we homeschool. Can you imagine being isolated with only your own age group all day everyday? Where else does that ever happen?" There was almost always a stunned silence and the end of the questioning. A few would come back and you could tell that they were then more open to discussing the concept.

[laughing lioness]

I just say, again and again, that anyone raised in a social unit, be that public school or among wolves, is socialized. Social unit = socialization. By definition. Public school is how the masses socializes. The elite, wealthy and intellectual class socialize differently. Just saying. ;)

 

My kids are socialized, just not in a way considered, "normal" or "average."

I'm sure the "Chineese moms" don't care, or probably aren't even talked to about how their kids are "socialized." They have a clear vision of what they are trying to accomplish. Comments and distractions don't deter them from that. Same here.

My mil, after 20 yrs of homeschooling, is still intimating that my kids will be somehow ostracized because of their lack of socialization skills. And in a way, she's right. They get along much better with adults than same age peers.

Meanwhile, their fav granddd (age 20) has been on bc and having s*x for 4 yrs and I've had to block her from my FB page becasue of how crude and lewd she is (along with other neices and nephews). Frankly, they can have their "socialization" any day. I'll take my Godly, kind, loving unsocialized, nerdy, thoughtful kids who don't scream swear words at me any day.

[eternalknot]

I do get tired of it, but it doesn't bother me so much if it's coming from a truly unaware (of how homeschooling works) perspective ... or from someone who I know to be very mainstream in thinking as far as everything else in life goes. They're just unaware or unfamiliar, and I can deal with that.

 

What I can't deal with is someone who is against or skeptical of homeschooling, and then hides behind and provokes from the socialization argument.

 

For me, it's all about intent, context, and where the person is coming from. On this, and everything :)

 

ETA: I don't homeschool for socialization reasons, and I'd have few social reservations about enrolling my kids in school. I see the argument of socialization as applicable to all educational models. I get equally - if not more - tired of people arguing that homeschooling is somehow exempt or less affected by poor socialization.

Edited January 11, 2011 by eternalknot

[Karen in CO]

Honestly, the only time I ever see people get worked up over the issue, it's here.

In real life I know people who have asked the question because they don't understand how homeschooling works. I tell them that homeschooled kids are socialized in a variety of ways, give a couple of examples, and the folks tend to say, "Oh, that's great!"

 

It has never been a problem for us.

 

Yep me too.

 

And just for some additional perpective.....

 

I send my kids to a once-a-week ps enrichment school so that they can have friends and a larger peer group. I didn't like the options available in local hs co-ops. I didn't like the idea of them only interacting within our small family group. My dd had become fearful of ever "having to go to school." Our neighborhood kids are never around to play. At the ps, they get p.e., recess, lunch, field trips on a big bus, and group work in science, art and technology. My oldest has learned important school survival skills like how to pass notes in class without getting caught.

 

So, yes. I send my kids to school for socialization.

[DawnM]

Usually when I hear it, the person arguing has children who are into sex, drugs, or has otherwise made VERY poor decisions.

 

Yeah, I want my kid "socialized," Tell me again where your kid went to school?

 

I have NO patience for stupidity.

 

Dawn

[CLHCO]

It depends. Some people are curious because they've never thought about it. I will usually just say something polite back, depending on how involved I want to be.

 

Others have a delivery that suggests my children will surely end up with two heads and walk around drooling because I'm not doing what they are smart enough to be doing. I look at them like they have two heads and are drooling, and go about my business. :drool5:

[Dawn in OH]

Sorry, computer acting crazy. I didn't mean to post this.

Edited January 11, 2011 by Dawn in OH

[Dawn in OH]

Yes. I am SO tired of hearing it. I think I get it even more because DD is naturally an extremely shy person. She doesn't talk to strangers, period. Even if I encourage her to say hi or bye or thank you she won't speak.

 

People are constantly telling me that I should put her in school to get over that.

 

Sure. Except... I went through 14 years of public schooling, and I am the same way. DD is actually more social than I am, she at least enjoys being around her friends, for the most part I prefer to be alone.

 

 

This is us. My older two children are shy. They will talk to my friends, but not strangers. We have to poke and prod them to speak to strangers. My third child is not shy in the least.

 

I was shy. I went to public school. I didn't learn social skills at school. I did learn how to be mean, pick on people, and a bunch of other unpleasant behaviors from the kids in school. I don't think that's the kind of socialization kids need.

[cara]

My friend made this. Humorous responses to all the silly questions we get asked about socialization, etc. Some of it is not for little ears...

 

http://www.xtranormal.com/watch/7809045

 

this is classic! Love it! I love the comebacks.

[Peela]

I just dont hear it...but then, I would consider it rude for someone to say something like that to me. I get people, mostly friends I am not very close to, being a bit concerned at whether the kids have a full social life...and I am patient with the question because people just dont know...but I just quickly cut them off with "my kids have the most amazing social life and I wish I had been homeschooled". And I move on.

I am not available for poeple who know nothing about homeschooling giving me their opinion in any way that is not completely respectful.

[Dinsfamily]

I went to public school, and I was weird and socially awkward there. Oddly enough, it turns out that peer rejection isn't a very good vehicle for teaching social skills.

 

This is me too so I will often use my own story as an example of negative socialization in ps schools. It was hard being painfully shy and overly sensitive in ps school growing up. My experiences in ps school did not help my situation. I didn't really start growing out of it until I was in the military and started moving every 2.5 yrs. Being married to an extrovert helps too.

 

Thankfully, none of my dc seem to suffer from my extreme shyness but I still do get questions about what we're doing about socialization. Most (if not all) of the questions come from people who don't know us well. I usually struggle with an answer. Yes, my dc have friends and do participate in sports but not because I feel the need for them to be socialized. My struggle is more in the arena of not over-scheduling them.

 

I do dislike that some people we come in contact with are apt to blame childish behavior on homeschooling instead of childhood. I feel like we'd be less scrutinized if I sent my dc to a b&m school.

[DarlaS]

I'm so tempted to just be snotty to the next person that asks me about socialization. I'll either tell them, "Yes, it was an issue for us. I was socialized in the public school system and we wanted something totally different for ds." (That should keep them confused until you can get away) or "I went to public school and I don't like people all that much. We're hoping for a different result by homeschooling. People aren't all that bad as I thought growing up." (then smile and walk away). I think I'm aiming for the keep them confused.

 

I have actually said almost exactly that to someone. They were definitely taken aback a bit :blink: Then she realized I was joking (sort of...).

 

I can easily regale them with tales of weirdos I went to school with until they get tired of me (or figure out that I was--and still am, one of them!). :D

[Chris in VA]

I get just as tired of people saying all public school kids are rude, or dumb, or promiscuous, or ungodly, or full of swear words and attitude.

 

Can't we just start looking at each other as individuals instead of lumping everybody together in these giant stereotypes that really don't make it easier to listen, grow in understanding of each other, and be kind to each other?

 

I do worry about negative socialization, but I find it both in homeschooling and in public/private/group schooling.

[Alphabetika]

I get just as tired of people saying all public school kids are rude, or dumb, or promiscuous, or ungodly, or full of swear words and attitude.

 

Can't we just start looking at each other as individuals instead of lumping everybody together in these giant stereotypes that really don't make it easier to listen, grow in understanding of each other, and be kind to each other?

 

I do worry about negative socialization, but I find it both in homeschooling and in public/private/group schooling.

 

 

:iagree: I absolutely agree with this. I've met some homeschooled kids I wouldn't want my kids to learn their social skills from. I've met fabulous kids from PS.

[m0mmaBuck]

When my friends and family speak of socialization issues, they are talking about ME more than my kids. My kids have great social lives. Me? Not so much.

[Joyofsixreboot]

The latest 'complaint' I've received from friends. They find homeschooled kids "too mature in a weird way and they always want to talk to adults." Um, I would think that is a good thing but these particular friends prefer kids who only associate with other kids, make lots of noise and mess and are 'normal,' Whatever. It made for a long evening.

[IsabelC]

The latest 'complaint' I've received from friends. They find homeschooled kids "too mature in a weird way and they always want to talk to adults." Um, I would think that is a good thing but these particular friends prefer kids who only associate with other kids, make lots of noise and mess and are 'normal,' Whatever. It made for a long evening.

 

I have concluded that the average parents primarily want their kids to be easy to manage. So kids should not want or (heaven forbid) need any more than the most minimal parental involvement, hence they must be sent to daycare and school as early as possible, and encouraged (forced?) to be 'independent' at a young age. However, those same people who didn't want to spend much time with their littlies will then be complaining a decade later when their kids fall prey to peer pressure, make harmful choices, and don't want to open up to their parents or listen to their parents' advice.

[regentrude]

I get questions about socialization back home in Germany where homeschooling is not legal. I see those as very valid questions because let's be honest: if you don't know anybody who homeschools or was homeschooled and you have not given the problem a lot of thought, it is a normal question to have. I certainly had these same questions before I started researching homeschooling, something I had never planned or thought about.

 

It is rude to say things like these to strangers - but I find it completely acceptable that my friends ask me these things. And I go to great lengths to explain what we do and why it can work.

[Impish]

I tell them that I've seen what passes for 'socialization' at public schools and there's no WAY I'd willingly put one of my children in that environment ever again. I want better.

 

ETA: I'm basing that comment on the local schools Diva attended. She was in 3. Bullying was at k, and gr 1...so we moved her to a 'good' Christian school, where a boy on the bus threatened to slit her throat with a knife. The 3rd and last, she was being bullied not only by her peers, but by her teacher too....And if I were to place my kids back in school, that's where they'd have to go...so no way in Hades. The Principal called under the guise of 'where to transfer her records'...I knew that he couldn't transfer anything without a request from the other school board. He then tried to bully ME, threatening me with truancy, that I couldn't pull a child mid year, that I obviously didn't understand what I was doing, etc.:glare: Not once did he ask me WHY I was pulling her out!

 

The teacher then disclosed our address to several kids, and they came over saying there would be a party with cake and ice cream if she came back, that everyone is sorry. :001_huh:

Edited January 25, 2011 by Impish