Are you planning anything special for your dd's "special" day?

[RainbowSprinkles]

I'm talking about the day she starts her period :)

 

My dd will be 9 in Feb. I know (hope) the day is probably still a few years away. I was 12 1/2. But I do like to plan and gather ideas early.

 

So.. tell me what you did! Did you take dd out to maybe a spa or something? Any special presents?

 

I'd also like to get together a basket along the lines of the first Week of my period. What would you put it in it?

[Catwoman]

I don't have a dd, so maybe I'm not the best person to answer this question, but it would honestly never occur to me to make a big deal out of it.

 

Cat

[Ottakee]

We didn't make a huge deal of it but as the time got closer we did have the Care and Keeping of You by American Girls.

 

I bought some junior/petie slim, etc. size panty liners, pads, etc. My girls are really tiny and wear a girls size 10/12 so "lady" stuff is too big and bulky for them.

 

We didn't do a whole lot else. Just make sure that they knew what to expect, how to handle making changes, etc.

[i.love.lucy]

My dd would be really embarrassed if I did make a big deal out of it. I wasn't nearly as shy and modest as she is and I remember being super embarrassed when my mom told my dad!

 

But I do think, in advance, I will get her a pretty case (like a makeup case for your purse) and put the necessary supplies in it. That way it's not in the bathroom she shares with her brother and no one would know what it is unless they looked. She can keep it in her room to feel prepared.

 

We might sneak off to get our nails done and talk or something, but no kind of celebration or anything. She's just too modest and it would make her very uncomfortable.

[OnTheBrink]

My dd didn't want a big deal made about it, so we did nothing more than put in supply of "girlie goodies" and talk about all that goes along with it.

[Pink Fairy]

My mom made a big deal out of it for me, and we had some sort of celebration (details are a bit fuzzy almost 30 years after the fact, lol). When my oldest started hers, my mom took her out to lunch and shopping, which made her feel very special and grown up. It was sweet! My youngest dd is 11yo, and can't wait until it's her turn. My mom is the best, so I'm happy to let her take the reins on this one.

[RainbowSprinkles]

Well, I guess what I mean is just celebrating a new passage in life.

 

My mother had never talked to me about any of this before hand. Needless to say I was lost when it happened. I wasn't scared but I did find it odd that there seemed to be something going on in my private area. After about 3 days I finally told her about it, she proceeded to give me pad and told me to wear it whenever this happens and that's it. Then she proceeded to tell all my relatives about it. :banghead:

 

So, I don't want either extreme. I don't want to make a huge deal out of it, but I obviously want to be more prepared than my own mother was.

[Garga]

It depends on the girl.

 

When I was a kid, I would have just keeled over and DIED if my mother had made a big deal out of it. I was beyond mortified when I found out she'd told my dad. (I blushed just from the memory of how upsetting it was to me.)

 

But I have friends with daughters who have been waiting until they got their periods and were looking forward to it and talked openly about it with their moms.

 

If your girl is open to it and looking forward to it, then do something. If she's reserved about personal things, then don't do anything.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Extra Motrin in the house for Dad-this may put him over the top. :D

[MamaT]

My dd didn't want a big deal made about it, so we did nothing more than put in supply of "girlie goodies" and talk about all that goes along with it.

 

That's what I did. My dd would have been very upset if I had made a big deal out of it.

[Pink Fairy]

Well that's a completely different question/problem. You poor thing, that must have been scary! For us, I just spoke to my oldest about what would happen, the practical side of dealing with things, and then the big picture--God had designed her body and she would be entering a new stage of life soon (hormones, etc.). It wasn't a big deal, but it was exciting her for her, mainly as a sign that she's growing up.

[LaissezFaire]

It does depend on the girl. I think my girls would like to do something special. They talk about it (getting their period) on occasion. I think they are close. They are both 12.

[Rosie_0801]

I'll buy a set of cloth pads and have a ring made. I have the design figured out and one of these days I'll get one made for myself.

 

:)

Rosie

[IsabelC]

For us, yes we will definitely be celebrating with our daughters. But it will be just them and us unless they want anything more - I wouldn't want to embarrass them by involving everyone we know without asking them first.

 

We'll buy them each a lovely set of cloth pads of their choice, plus a menstrual cup if they want to use one. Then we'll let them have some input into what else we get them as a growing up gift.

[Heather in Neverland]

I would have been MORTIFIED if anyone had made a big deal out of it. I am way too modest for that. My mom had already given me the talk so when it happened I knew what it was and I knew were the girly supplies were in the bathroom. I told my mom quietly, she asked if I needed any help, I said no, end of story.

 

My little girl has a long way to go before then but I doubt I will make a big deal about it either.

[Parrothead]

No, nothing planned. Personally, I think it is a bit silly to get all worked up about it.

[Tress]

I have very fond memories of my parents taking me to the jeweler and letting me choose a beautiful gold ring (no, we did not tell the jeweler what the occasion was :lol:). I'm still wearing that ring and I definitely plan to do something similar with my girls.

[Skadi]

How about buying her a Divacup? I wish I'd had one when I was that age. Whenever I think of the horrible time I had with tampon and pads, I'm reminded of Bones from Star Trek muttering, "We're living in the ******* Dark Ages!"

[Peela]

I wanted to do special things, buy cloth pads, jewellery, take her out- I planned and researched...but she was 14 close to 15 when it happened...we had been waiting a long time! And she very much has a mind of her own.

She is wonderful with being open with me about it. And with her girlfriends (most of whom started *years* before her- and they were jealous of her late start!). She just handled it in her normal mature way. And no WAY is she interested in cloth pads or even disposable ones! Let alone diva cups etc (even though I use cloth pads and a Keeper). Tampons from the start, thankyou very much! (Partly because she started on a camp and thats all her best friend had for her, so thats what she started with.)

 

I would stay open and sensitive to your daughter- her embarrassment etc. We did a beautiful ceremony with all her girlfriends when she was 12- a coming of age ceremony. But it was 2.5 more years before it happened for her. And when it happened, I ended up doing nothing special at all and just was her mum- warm and loving and enthusiastic and sympathising. But matter of fact. I just knew she wouldnt want it any other way and I couldnt put my *own* desires to make it special onto her.

 

There is a bit of a movement towards "doing something"..and some girls probably really appreciate it...but also be aware sometimes its us mothers trying to heal our own wounds around the issue and sometimes our dd's don't appreciate it so much :)

Edited December 20, 2010 by Peela

[Joy at Home]

Dd12 and I had a "girls night" by going to dinner and a movie. She is the oldest of five girls and we didn't announce it or make a big deal, just our special time together as she moves toward womanhood. We so enjoyed ourselves. In fact, dd asked if we could do it every time she gets her period:D

 

Lisa

[Rhonda in TX]

I took my DD to get her ears pierced. She had just turned 10 and, although we had talked about what was going to happen, it was still pretty traumatic for her. :( I had always told her she had to wait until she was 13 to get her ears pierced, but I wanted to do something special, and to make her feel better, so we did that. She was thrilled and I think it helped.

 

For a gift basket, I would put in a new book, maybe a diary/journal of some sort, a sweet "you're a great kid" card, her favorite candy, etc.

[IsabelC]

No, nothing planned. Personally, I think it is a bit silly to get all worked up about it.

There is a theory that it is detrimental to young people to miss out on rites of passage, particularly the change from a child to a young man/woman, and that teens who don't get an adult-sanctioned celebration of some kind are more likely to resort to rebellious activities to replace that. Not to mention the need to girls/women to be taught to appreciate their bodies and how they work, in order to counteract the widespread mistrust / hatred of the female body in our culture, that contributes to eating disorders and other forms of self harm.

[Amy loves Bud]

I would have been mortified if my mom had made a big deal of it. She was more gentle than usual with me, but otherwise left me alone. I appreciate that very much, and intend to do the same for my dds.

 

After I give them the good chocolate.

[Mrs Mungo]

There is a theory that it is detrimental to young people to miss out on rites of passage, particularly the change from a child to a young man/woman, and that teens who don't get an adult-sanctioned celebration of some kind are more likely to resort to rebellious activities to replace that. Not to mention the need to girls/women to be taught to appreciate their bodies and how they work, in order to counteract the widespread mistrust / hatred of the female body in our culture, that contributes to eating disorders and other forms of self harm.

 

My dd made it clear that she would disown us if we did anything for that. On the other hand, we have our own rites of passage that we have designed.

 

At 13 I took her to Sephora, bought her a starter-kit of make-up and skin care, she also put colorful streaks in her hair. At 14 she got a teen debit card to start learning money management. And so forth.

[regentrude]

There is a theory that it is detrimental to young people to miss out on rites of passage, particularly the change from a child to a young man/woman, and that teens who don't get an adult-sanctioned celebration of some kind are more likely to resort to rebellious activities to replace that. Not to mention the need to girls/women to be taught to appreciate their bodies and how they work, in order to counteract the widespread mistrust / hatred of the female body in our culture, that contributes to eating disorders and other forms of self harm.

 

There are plenty of rites of passage that we will observe. My 11 y/o would not have appreciated emphasizing the relation between her period and her becoming a women, i.e. her ability to procreate - she knew the facts, of course, but none of us had a desire to emphasize the transition to fertile woman aspect... YIKES.

I think rites of passage need to be in sync with the role of the young person in society. Nowadays girls are not married off and expected to have babies as soon as they are physically able to. In fact, we spend the next 8-10 years telling them NOT to. So to me, it would make no sense celebrating this aspect with a pre-teen.

BTW, I have not learned to "appreciate" this particular part of being a woman and can't wait for it to go away.

[Mom0012]

No. I plan to make sure she is prepared for the day so it isn't a shock to her, but I don't intend to celebrate. It's honestly never occurred to me that we should.

 

Lisa

[gsanmb]

My oldest dd who is 10 hasn't started yet although I did buy her "The Care and Keeping of You" which she likes to read privately and then come ask me questions. I don't think she is close yet.

 

We have a religious rite of passage for girls at 12 years old, so that kind of ushers them into the community of women in a way that is not necessarily related to their biological processes. It's more a marking of their emotional and social maturation and the beginning of their obligations for certain religious responsibilities.

 

There is a nice magazine (and community website) for girls 8-14 called http://www.newmoon.com/magazine/ New Moon. Some of the content may be a little advanced, you have to evaluate that based on your own family's values. But it is a non-commercial, no-ads magazine that deals with issues girls deal with. It might be a nice gift in recognition of her passage from childhood to young adulthood.

 

Mothering Magazine did a whole issue a while ago on this topic. That might be too 'granola' for you or it might not reflect your values, but it could be worth checking out for ideas.

[elegantlion]

It depends on the girl.

 

When I was a kid, I would have just keeled over and DIED if my mother had made a big deal out of it. I was beyond mortified when I found out she'd told my dad. (I blushed just from the memory of how upsetting it was to me.)

 

But I have friends with daughters who have been waiting until they got their periods and were looking forward to it and talked openly about it with their moms.

 

If your girl is open to it and looking forward to it, then do something. If she's reserved about personal things, then don't do anything.

 

 

I also would have been mortified had my mother celebrated. I have never been of the mindset to "have a happy period" anyway.

[goldberry]

How about buying her a Divacup? I wish I'd had one when I was that age. Whenever I think of the horrible time I had with tampon and pads, I'm reminded of Bones from Star Trek muttering, "We're living in the ******* Dark Ages!"

 

I've never in the world heard of that. I am totally freaked out.

[Impish]

That's what I did. My dd would have been very upset if I had made a big deal out of it.

:iagree:

[IsabelC]

BTW, I have not learned to "appreciate" this particular part of being a woman and can't wait for it to go away.

I can identify with this! I have always had a hard time both with the physical pain and emotionally - before kids I was totally incapacitated, and even now when it's not so bad I could happily give it a miss... So it's difficult, I don't want to give my girls the impression that it's the curse, but atst I can't pretend to be rejoicing in my womanly powers...

 

There is a bit of a movement towards "doing something"..and some girls probably really appreciate it...but also be aware sometimes its us mothers trying to heal our own wounds around the issue and sometimes our dd's don't appreciate it so much

So very true.

[Ravin]

DD will get a retreat with me and any older female mentor(s) that seem appropriate at the time. She'll get pampered and we'll make sure her education on female matters and sex isn't lacking, and there will be religious rites to mark the occasion as well. Then we'll have a party with the whole family when we get back from the weekend (probably a weekend) away (unless DD is being very reserved about it), and begin a semi-formal course of education and added responsibilities and privileges to prepare her for full adulthood. Basically it'll mark the passing from "just being a child" to "learning to be a responsible adult." When she completes the full course she'll get a BIG party (I'm thinking quinceanera style) and thereafter be treated as a young adult. Depending on how responsible and motivated she is, that could be any time in her teens.

[plansrme]

I think rites of passage need to be in sync with the role of the young person in society. Nowadays girls are not married off and expected to have babies as soon as they are physically able to. In fact, we spend the next 8-10 years telling them NOT to. So to me, it would make no sense celebrating this aspect with a pre-teen.

 

EXACTLY. There is a huge difference between physical maturity and emotional maturity, and implying that getting your period makes you a woman is ridiculous in our day and age. A 10 yo who starts her period is not a woman; she is still a little girl. Any "celebration" that implies that she is well on her way to adulthood or harkens back to a time that society considered her ready to take on womanly responsibilities is ridiculous and, in my opinion, dangerous.

 

Terri

[angela in ohio]

There is a bit of a movement towards "doing something"..and some girls probably really appreciate it...but also be aware sometimes its us mothers trying to heal our own wounds around the issue and sometimes our dd's don't appreciate it so much :)

 

This is it exactly.

 

I think it's great to have special times that commemorate the passage into young womanhood. I see no reason to tie those to menstruation.

[Vanna]

Not planning on doing anything special, but will keep that option "open" depending on what her reaction is to the "event." If her reaction is "no big deal" then we'll do nothing besides go to Target and pick out some "supplies." If she "freaks" well, maybe we'll do something to distract her from the "freakout factor."

 

Right now, dd is our only daughter and treated like the family princess. She is very sweet natured which makes it all too easy for Mom and Dad to want to give her the world if she asked for it.

 

 

How about buying her a Divacup?

Fascinating! I've never heard of this! Thanks for the link.

[JustGin]

Each of my girls had her "Woman's Day" with me. It wasn't a big, party thing, I just took each one out for a special lunch, a little shopping and her first ever pedicure. They both loved their day, and since we had talked about it for years and they had something very positive to look forward to, when the moment arrived, there was no angst! Yeah! Btw - around here we call that time of the month, Chocolate Season. :)

 

Edited to add:

Why? Because in our family, growing up is considered a very good thing. Of course, it doesn't happen overnight or because of this one event, and we certainly make sure they understand this, but there are signs that it is happening, and this surely is one.

 

FWIW - I made sure my girls got clear and honest information about their bodies and their s**xuality from an early age, and this included making sure they knew what role "Chocolate Season" plays. I was honest about the pain and the mess, but I also wanted to encourage them to balance the "ugh" with an understanding of this event as a sign of having a healthy woman's body and someday being able to have babies. Yes I know that baby making is far off, and that's a whole 'nother subject which we also cover, but in this day and age especially, I think it's vital that well before a girl "can", she should have a good understanding of how-it-works to go along with the why-you-should-wait. Both are critical imho. Like it or not, even a 10 year old who starts is capable of reproducing, and is maturing. Yes she is still a little girl, but she still should understand what is happening and what it means in a way that helps her not fear it or despise it. I do not believe information about what is now possible implies consent or encourages precocious behavior at all. Having a woman's body is a precious gift and a great responsibility and should come with instructions - how to care for it properly, including recognizing it's potential, and how to honor and protect it as one would a valuable treasure.

 

Also, I would never, ever have embarrassed them and when the time came, it was just a special mom/daughter day, not any kind of big, whoopy do party-over-here kind of thing. We didn't include anyone else either in the day or the knowledge nor did anyone outside of our little family even know, unless my girl wanted to share. Even letting brother and Dad know was left up to each girl and both handled it differently.

Edited December 27, 2010 by JustGin

[wy_kid_wrangler04]

My dd would not want anything special done. Infact, I think when the day comes she will want to hide in her room the whole day (she has the attitude already) She will be 13 in April and has not started (THANK YOU LORD!) I was 9 :crying: so glad she is not taking after me!