Hive preparation for "unsocialized" family members...

[elegantlion]

...a.k.a. those relatives who can't wait to share why you're ruining your life and the lives of your dc by homeschooling them.

 

Since 'tis the season I thought we should bring out our best one liners, blank stares, and witty comebacks to ward off these "attacks".

 

My sister is coming to visit after Christmas, thankfully not staying with us. She moans about my son's education to my mother, but doesn't say anything to my face. I'm feeling like taking her on this year, if the subject comes up, but I thought we could share so all could benefit. :D

 

1. Obvious, pass the bean dip

 

2. "Can you believe we were raised by the same parents?" laugh and then fall silent and stare.

 

3. "I'll add you to my prayer list.":tongue_smilie:

 

4. Insult her with a Shakespearean insult. Sadly I think that book is in storage.

 

5. Insult her in Latin.

 

Okay, add your own, unused or tried and true. I'd love to hear them.

[Mommee & Baba]

Honestly when it comes to my family commenting in a disrespectful and demeaning manner I find it hard to even want to be funny about it. But lately I've decided to just stand firm with the decision that dh and I made for our family.

 

I don't have to deal with many comments anymore..THANKFULLY because I've made it a point in the past what is best for our family. Thankfully everyone has backed off and proof is in the pudding and well they can see my kids can write now, read now, have a rather large vocabulary, have huge imaginations and desire to learn about other subjects that some kids wouldn't even consider interesting!

 

I like the "I can't believe we're from the same parents" and laugh. LOL!

 

But then again I can't find humor in this subject because my family has done nothing but demeaned our family's decision so now I go directly to being defensive.

 

I'm curious to see what others say.

[Catwoman]

How about this one: "You're just jealous because Mom always liked me best," followed by a smug stare.

 

If nothing else, it will change the subject. :tongue_smilie:

 

Cat

[Bird Girl]

"I hope you will learn to trust that my DH and I make the best decisions for our children." Followed by a studied refusal to engage.

 

In case you can't tell, I'm just delighted to be seeing my brother-and-sister-in law over the Christmas holiday. :glare:

[colleenebeans]

I used to immediately be defensive and try to justify my reasoning to anyone who even slightly seemed like they were going to have an issue with us homeschooling. It took me a LONG time to realize this was causing me a huge amount of stress. As soon as I stopped being defensive and I stood up for my decision and didnt tolerate anything less, every thing changed for me. I finally understood that some people will never "get" why we homeschool. It doesnt matter to me anymore, I KNOW I am doing what is best. My absolute favorite is when a family member or stranger asks me "well what grade level is he in?" or "compared to public school, what grade should he be in?"

 

I always answer, "He is in every grade, depending on the subject." :glare:

It throws people off and forces them to see the larger picture of homeschooling.

 

Colleen

[stormy weather]

[quote=elegantlion;2269133

Insult her with a Shakespearean insult. Sadly I think that book is in storage.

 

 

Title, pretty please? I think I may have a need of that book.:D

[Catwoman]

I am a firm believer in the simple sentence, "We're doing what works for our family," accompanied by a smile that lets them know you don't care what they think, and then a quick change of subject.

 

If that doesn't work, I generally assume that the person is truly obnoxious, and add, "I'm sorry, but this matter isn't open for discussion." (Insert stony stare here.)

 

If none of that works, you can always mention that you don't tell them how to raise their kids, so you don't appreciate them trying to tell you how to raise yours. But that's more likely to start an argument or a debate, so I don't usually use that one.

 

I have found that the trick is to be super-calm, yet very firm and decisive. Maintain eye contact the entire time. It intimidates people and they usually leave you alone after that.

 

Cat

[elegantlion]

Title, pretty please? I think I may have a need of that book.:D

 

Here ya go. I found my copy on paperback swap. Or there is currently a used copy for 3.99 with prime shipping. :D

 

 

My sister and I just don't get along. The rest of my family understands why we homeschool, her not so much. Plus she's basically a snot about everything. I use humor to diffuse my anger about her arrogance, and she doesn't really have a sense of humor. So I figure I can either laugh or be ticked off. I might think more than I say though and end up laughing at myself. In that case I might just look insane and she will ignore me, which would be fine too.

[Vanna]

...a.k.a. those relatives who can't wait to share why you're ruining your life and the lives of your dc by homeschooling them.

 

Since 'tis the season I thought we should bring out our best one liners, blank stares, and witty comebacks to ward off these "attacks"...

 

 

4. Insult her with a Shakespearean insult...

:laugh: You just reminded me of something that's been on my "lust list" (I want it real bad, but can't yet justify a reason for buying it) -- A coffee mug with Shakespearean insults! Maybe you could buy it for yourself and pull it out as soon as your sis starts up OR maybe you can give it to her as a "not so subtle" gift! ;) (Okay, just joining in the humor here, I really don't want you to do any of the above -- too mean.:boxing_smiley:)

 

Here are the insults sans the mug.

 

I'm glad you started this thread though as I am interested in what others will say (such a witty bunch here). As our oldest will most likely be homeschooled through high school, I think I need to prepare myself for "the questions" I already see coming down the pike. We've been successful in winning extended family members over to homeschooling with "the proof is in the pudding" but they've already called into question as to whether or not I'm "prepared" to teach at the high school level. So, it's kind of like we have to win them over *all over* again. (Really, this is not my goal -- if they don't like us homeschooling, well, too bad for them.)

Edited December 19, 2010 by Vanna
link change

[stormy weather]

Here ya go. I found my copy on paperback swap. Or there is currently a used copy for 3.99 with prime shipping. :D

 

 

My sister and I just don't get along. The rest of my family understands why we homeschool, her not so much. Plus she's basically a snot about everything. I use humor to diffuse my anger about her arrogance, and she doesn't really have a sense of humor. So I figure I can either laugh or be ticked off. I might think more than I say though and end up laughing at myself. In that case I might just look insane and she will ignore me, which would be fine too.

Thank you, I had a look with the "look inside" thingy. That sealed the deal. I must have it. :lol: I can so see myself saying to my fantastic relatives " You rabble of vile confederates, you herd of boils!":D

[Rosie_0801]

The first thought that comes to mind is: "I don't care what you think."

 

The second thought is what my grandfather used to tell us when we were in these sorts of situations. He'd say "What you've gotta do, Love, is just say 'Shut up you mad bugger, I'm sick of listening to ya!'" I'm sure he never said that to anyone, but it helps to think it :D

 

What I might actually say is "You know, if you have problems with the way hubby runs his family, you should talk to him about it. No, really, he supports me homeschooling. If you don't want him to, you need to speak to him not me about it." No one is going to actually do that because it is perfectly ok to beat up on a female family member, but a male is another kettle of fish.

 

Rosie

[Catwoman]

The first thought that comes to mind is: "I don't care what you think."

 

 

I have used that one, and have found it to be very effective, especially if you smile when you say it. (I think it sort of scares people when you insult them and smile at the same time. Or else maybe my smile is just a little too maniacal.)

 

Cat

[m0mmaBuck]

My side of the family is composed primarily of teachers.... all 3 brothers, 3 sisters-in-law, 2 nephews, 1 neice, a neice-in-law..... so when they get on the "public schools are where it's at" kick, I tell them that I when they move to WA to teach my kids I will consider sending them back to PS.

[cherylw]

My husband's grandmother has been the most blunt about her opinion, but trys to do it in her own nice way. She says stuff like "Are they learning anything"...then I want to say "No mame, they're not"....but I try to politely say yes mame. Then there's the "Oh, your not going to do this next year are you"....If she wasn't 90 years old, I would probably not be so nice. But this is also the lady that calls almost everyday..sometimes multiple times a day to ask 20 questions and give you a summary of all the things she don't that day!!:confused:

 

Maybe you could just ask your sister to please just respect your family's decision and explain that her opinion is not going to change how your rear your children.

[OnTheBrink]

4. Insult her with a Shakespearean insult. Sadly I think that book is in storage.

 

5. Insult her in Latin.

 

Okay, add your own, unused or tried and true. I'd love to hear them.

 

Here you go: http://www.mainstrike.com/mstservices/handy/insult.html

 

And: http://www.ou.edu/ludilatini/insultshandoutFall2003.htm

[Jane in NC]

I don't even want to tell you how horrible one family member was in this respect. But now that my son is in college, he is on this person's gold star A list. She approves wholeheartedly of his intended major and is proud of his merit award.

 

Of course, she has never backtracked to say that she is sorry. But I wanted to report that there is the other side to the story, the one in which your sister may say "Well, I knew all along that homeschooling was the best thing in the world for The Boy." OK--maybe not. But she'll find some other grief to give you in a few years. :D

[Hedgehog]

My sister and I just don't get along. The rest of my family understands why we homeschool, her not so much. Plus she's basically a snot about everything. I use humor to diffuse my anger about her arrogance, and she doesn't really have a sense of humor. So I figure I can either laugh or be ticked off. I might think more than I say though and end up laughing at myself. In that case I might just look insane and she will ignore me, which would be fine too.

 

We have the same sister!?!?

 

Does yours enjoy her superiority fix too?! Sometimes I can laugh, but other times it makes me want to gnash my teeth.

[Margo out of lurking]

Plus she's basically a snot about everything. I use humor to diffuse my anger about her arrogance, and she doesn't really have a sense of humor.

 

Then I would try to take whatever she says much less personally than I would otherwise. She'd probably complain about whatever ps your kids were attending too.

 

I liked, "I don't care what you think!" while smiling. I could see myself doing that.

 

I've responded, "It's God's plan for our family, I really don't have much say in it!" Depending on the company, that's a conversation stopper.

 

And I've also said, "Sorry, this topic is no longer open for discussion. Ever." My dad and I no longer discuss homeschooling.

 

If you want to diffuse the subject, you could always say, "Who knows what we'll do in the future; we take it year by year. Mom makes the BEST bean dip, doesn't she?!"

 

Your sister sounds like the type who will continue to push if she knows it bothers you, and that you are so opposite that anything she's for, you can assume you won't be. :lol:

 

It's sad that our biggest headaches/heartaches of homeschooling can come from extended family.

[Tammyla]

"Quit verbal farting."

 

"You crack me up."

 

"We can compare notes in twenty years."

 

"The things that come out of your mouth."

 

"Mind your own business."

 

Oh my, I really like Rosie's...."I don't care what you think."

Edited December 19, 2010 by Tammyla

[NanceXToo]

Personally, I'd just give her a very direct unsmiling look and say calmly "This is getting incredibly old. I've made my choice and I'm happy with it. You need to either accept it or get over it and mind your own business."

[CalicoKat]

ugh. We did the whole family Christmas party last night and sil's comment to me after, "Hello." Was to ask me how I thought fostering our newest was harming & hurting relationships with our dc, Huh?!

 

Nothing like launching right into the mud pit.

 

Fortunately for her we were interrupted before I could say anything. Unfortunately for her now my response will be in email and cc'd to the world.

[Tarreymere]

Just to cheer everyone up a bit, I am apparently the designated moral arbiter for our family and when the family gathers in various places they seem to feel they need to approach me and defend their choice to send their kids to public school, even my SIL. Too funny!

[elegantlion]

I don't even want to tell you how horrible one family member was in this respect. But now that my son is in college, he is on this person's gold star A list. She approves wholeheartedly of his intended major and is proud of his merit award.

 

Of course, she has never backtracked to say that she is sorry. But I wanted to report that there is the other side to the story, the one in which your sister may say "Well, I knew all along that homeschooling was the best thing in the world for The Boy." OK--maybe not. But she'll find some other grief to give you in a few years. :D

 

Yes, I have that little hope in the back of my mind that will happen here too.

 

We have the same sister!?!?

 

Does yours enjoy her superiority fix too?! Sometimes I can laugh, but other times it makes me want to gnash my teeth.

 

Perhaps we do. :lol:

 

"Quit verbal farting."

 

"

 

 

I so want a t-shirt that says this...

 

 

Fortunately for her we were interrupted before I could say anything. Unfortunately for her now my response will be in email and cc'd to the world.

 

:lol::lol::lol:

 

 

I think spending the holidays with all of you would be a hoot!!!

[Mommyfaithe]

How about this one: "You're just jealous because Mom always liked me best," followed by a smug stare.

 

If nothing else, it will change the subject. :tongue_smilie:

 

Cat

 

:D

This is the one I like and have used on occasion....

 

Leaves em guessing....LOL

[MSNative]

The first thought that comes to mind is: "I don't care what you think."

 

The second thought is what my grandfather used to tell us when we were in these sorts of situations. He'd say "What you've gotta do, Love, is just say 'Shut up you mad bugger, I'm sick of listening to ya!'" I'm sure he never said that to anyone, but it helps to think it :D

 

What I might actually say is "You know, if you have problems with the way hubby runs his family, you should talk to him about it. No, really, he supports me homeschooling. If you don't want him to, you need to speak to him not me about it." No one is going to actually do that because it is perfectly ok to beat up on a female family member, but a male is another kettle of fish.

 

Rosie

 

Rosie, you crack me up!! Tears are rolling down my face I'm laughing so hard at that.

 

However, in my family we just pass out a large supply of tongue band-aids for all the biting back words we must do. When the interrogation begins, I pause, take a sip of wine or coffee depending on the time of day, and wait. Wait for the person to either continue or start second guessing and back peddling. Calm silence can work wonders. It's the only thing that stops one particularly obnoxious relative. He'll babble a bit longer, but the longer I stay silent, the more foolish he looks. If it's a group of 'em having an big, ol' anti-hs hootenanny, I just leave the room.

 

In general, anti-hs ranters are similar to political ranters. You will never change their minds. They live to drop little barbs here and there. They may ask a question, but they don't want an answer. They are using it as a way to show you how wrong you are and how right they are. They desperately hope you will take the bait so they can spew their opinion all over everyone. What they don't ever want is to listen or think. Ive never met anyone like that who has ever changed his opinion about anything. You can't educate them. You can't show them how great hs is and how well your kids are doing and how well it works for your family. They don't care.

 

Wow! Guess I'm still recovering from my Thanksgiving fun. Will now :chillpill:.

 

Wishing all of you a loving, peaceful holiday filled with people who will support and love you - not drive you bonkers!!

[Melissa in NC]

I have not read all the replies but one line jumps to my mind: Look at them, wrinkle your nose and say, "You must be from Tyre."

[mcconnellboys]

http://www.pangloss.com/seidel/Shaker/index.html

 

ETA: But the best one for her is: If you spend word for word with me, I shall make your wit bankrupt. (Two Gentlemen of Verona)

Edited December 19, 2010 by mcconnellboys

[Charles Wallace]

Wow...I can't believe how incredibly lucky I am (or, from another perspective, how lucky my relatives are) to be a high school teacher who's homeschooling. That basically all by itself shuts people up.

[justamouse]

"Why would I care what you think?"

 

it works on many levels.

[LibraryLover]

Wouldn't all our the sweet kids, playing nicely with their cousins, or chatting with their aunties say it all?

 

Some of you with little kids will get your rewards a few years down the line when people say "Your kids are so great." The crankiest ones won't say this, of course, but the nicer ones will, and the cranky ones will hear that...even as they pretend they are not listening. :tongue_smilie:

[colleenebeans]

"Quit verbal farting."

 

LOVE IT! I find humor in most things and am often found laughing at things by myself and I can totally see me saying this sitting on the couch at my parents house and just losing it laughing.

:willy_nilly:

[sassenach]

Does she have kids? If not, I might say, "I can't wait for you to have kids!" And maybe follow that with a series of areas in which you have much wisdom, "I have so many things to share with you, it's going to be great! I can give you books on birthing, breastfeeding, parenting, nutrition, education...." If she has something snotty or negative to say about that you could respond with, "Gosh, I know just how you feel!". If she has kids, I probably wouldn't do that. I would want to model the repect for parents that you desire. In reality, I would be pretty straight forward, like NancyXToo suggested.

[Gratia271]

I am a firm believer in the simple sentence, "We're doing what works for our family,"

Cat

 

I usually say something like this.

[LibraryLover]

Yes, but some folks won't accept until your kid actually *makes* it into college...and gets a scholarship...and then they'll say, "Well, it's just art school."

 

Yep, and art school is where my dd BELONGS, thank-you-very-much!

 

 

There's one in every crowd. Doesn't matter if the kid went to Harvard Med at 14. "Too bad she didn't have a childhood."

 

People who are negative like that about others have big gaping holes in their hearts. I assume they must have been harmed terribly to be so unkind.

 

I seek out the folks who love my children. I also try to be the aunt who is proud of all of the children, and I try to make up for any relatives who are in emotional pain. (Not by engaging them, but by being kind to the kids). Because my children are older, and I have the emotional energy, I try to make a postive comment about, and to, every child at our family gatherings. They will remember, even if their parents are one of the hurting. I try not to play that game. I am proud of all of the children, no matter what they are studying/doing for a living, or even of they are pinching their baby sister/taking big brother's new Ironman. :tongue_smilie:

[Sahamamama]

2. "Can you believe we were raised by the same parents?" laugh and then fall silent and stare.

:rolleyes:

 

El --

 

I have nothing to add. A true classic is a true classic.

 

After this, I no longer need to find a line. Thanks.

[Sahamamama]

The first thought that comes to mind is: "I don't care what you think."

 

Rosie

 

I need to practice this 100 times a day for a year, to promote automaticity. Sort of like Latin noun declensions.

 

Terra, terrae, terrae, terram, terra, terrae, terrarum, terris, terras, terris!

 

I don't care what you think!

[ChandlerMom]

How about this one: "You're just jealous because Mom always liked me best," followed by a smug stare.

 

If nothing else, it will change the subject. :tongue_smilie:

 

Cat

 

Oh, I LOVE this one! :lol:

[ChandlerMom]

How about a blank stare and, "Oh, I'm sorry, did you SAY something??" like you didn't hear them. Look quizzical, then turn and walk away. If they say it again, just repeat.

 

If it's in my home, I wouldn't have any trouble slamming such twaddle, "That's funny, but *I* was raised to not treat you host with such disrespect. We grew up in the same home, so I guess that's something you picked up from public schools."

 

Perhaps the most effective is saying, "OK, and so was that a yes for a glass of wine?" slowly like they are just talking crazy. Hard to argue if you talk to them like you are humoring the family lunatic. Sometimes condescension is your friend.

Edited December 19, 2010 by ChandlerMom

[pdalley]

I am so getting that Shakespeare book!

 

That being said - the jerk in me would want to pull a Wayne's World moment I won't repeat here.

 

Typically I just shrug and say - 'works for us'. If they persist I launch into our horror stories of ps in great detail. I only ever have to do that once. :D

[delaney]

Since I have a masters no one questions my ability, but they can't seem to get past the social stuff. Odd how prom, peer pressure, dating, and parties are all education seems to be good for:confused:

[coralloyd]

How about- " I can see how well public school has worked for you. Maybe you should work on self education because your ignorance is stunning."

[colleenebeans]

AWESOME! :smilielol5:

[DawnM]

I don't have family trying to engage me in conversation, they just like to spout off about why they thing hsing is so awful.

 

Meanwhile their children talk back, are snotty, and brag endlessly about how much better they are than anyone else! :001_rolleyes:

 

They can go on and on all they want, I will take my children's behavior, caring attitudes, concern for others, and respect for us as their parents ANY DAY!

 

And I can't wait to see what their public schooled children will be like as teenagers! ;):glare:

[elegantlion]

I love this crowd. Y'all are the best!

[Sahamamama]

And I can't wait to see what their public schooled children will be like as teenagers!

 

Since my sister's children already ARE teenagers, we already know. :glare:

 

Hey, wait! There's my line!

 

"Well, we thought about raising our kids the way you've raised yours, but then we've seen the outcomes... so, we're changing our input to hopefully get a different output...."

 

Nah. Too snotty. But it sure feels good to type it here! :lol:

[happyWImom]

Yes, we usually say "We believe it's what God wanted for our family", and no one really argues with that!

[DawnM]

You go right ahead and say it here! I am a former high school counselor, I KNOW what they can be like and even though I did love my job, there is a REASON they needed a full time counselor! ;) I rarely did academic stuff.

 

Dawn

 

Since my sister's children already ARE teenagers, we already know. :glare:

 

Hey, wait! There's my line!

 

"Well, we thought about raising our kids the way you've raised yours, but then we've seen the outcomes... so, we're changing our input to hopefully get a different output...."

 

Nah. Too snotty. But it sure feels good to type it here! :lol:

[DawnM]

Oh, my in laws would! But they don't believe that God helps one make day to day decisions, he is just some cosmic force way out there to use when you have a problem....no relationship.

 

Although once I did say something like, "THank you for your continued concern for our children. Please pray for us as we seek God's best for them." :lol: It went over like a lead balloon and they kept talking as if I had said nothing.

 

Oh well.

 

Dawn

 

Yes, we usually say "We believe it's what God wanted for our family", and no one really argues with that!

[clarkacademy]

I am liking this thread. I usually just say they are my kids. I did kinda have to say something to mom the other day when she tried to convince the 9 year old he wanted to go to school. That should be another thread :)

[LibraryLover]

That's so sad. Is there really nothing good about your sister's children?

 

 

Since my sister's children already ARE teenagers, we already know. :glare:

 

Hey, wait! There's my line!

 

"Well, we thought about raising our kids the way you've raised yours, but then we've seen the outcomes... so, we're changing our input to hopefully get a different output...."

 

Nah. Too snotty. But it sure feels good to type it here! :lol:

Edited December 20, 2010 by LibraryLover