17yodd pg update - FINALLY!!

[StaceyinLA]

I'm so sorry, but life has just been insane! It appears that either dd was never pg, or that she lost the baby and it was just absorbed. She hasn't had a cycle since August and she is undergoing some tests, but there is no baby as of now.

 

Her older sister and her hubby just found out they are expecting, so please pray that my 17yodd handles that okay.

[LuvingLife]

Praying very hard here. I hope your 17 yo handles everything ok, and congragulations for your other daughter!:grouphug::grouphug:

[Osmosis Mom]

I am sorry, Stacey, not trying to sound cold or snarky, but isn't this the 3rd time you have mentioned about your dd 17 being pregnant? Or just the second time? Is she actively trying to get pregnant outside of being married? And if so, is there a reason for this (low self-esteem, no access to contraception)? Or is she with a steady boy, trying to build their family? I am sorry, haven't been much on the board lately, but I seem to recall her losing another pregnancy that was not planned so I was just wondering.

 

For the record, then I am also pro-life albeit not pro non-marital relations. From an outsider's perspective, then it would seem that a non-married teen wanting to become a mother should finish up her studies (whatever they are), get a husband and decide on a career (homemaker is a valid one, this is coming from one!!), and then move on with her plan on becoming a young, enthusiastic, loving mother.

[StaceyinLA]

I appreciate the input. It certainly is not my first choice that she has become pregnant, although it has been with the same, steady boyfriend, but either way, it has been very difficult for her to lose the babies.

 

The first time was definitely an accident, though I think it's possible that she has tried to conceive again to "heal" herself by having a successful pregnancy.

 

Rest assured, it is not my choice for her to have premarital intercourse. At nearly 18, however, short of never letting her out of my sight, it is her decision, not mine.

[NicksMama-Zack's Mama Too]

Stacy, thank you for the update. I have been thinking about you and your dd since you first posted about the situation and hoped that all was well.

 

Hugs to you and your daughter. You are a great mom!

[lmrich]

I hope your family experiences peace. This must be very hard. Blessing to you...:grouphug:

[StaceyinLA]

I appreciate the kind words. I don't always feel like such a good mom, but I try!!

[Miss Sherry]

I'm so sorry, but life has just been insane! It appears that either dd was never pg, or that she lost the baby and it was just absorbed. She hasn't had a cycle since August and she is undergoing some tests, but there is no baby as of now.

 

Her older sister and her hubby just found out they are expecting, so please pray that my 17yodd handles that okay.

How long did your dd think she was pregnant ? I see she is under going some tests. Has she realized she is not or no longer pregnant for awhile ? I believe that there is such a thing as a false positive for a pregnancy test. I hope the dr is able to accurately figure out what is going on soon.

[Carrie12345]

:grouphug: I can't even begin to imagine the mixed emotions.

 

Sending hopes that they're able to figure out what's been going on so she's able to heal and look toward the future with optimism!

[Rebel]

I don't remember if this has been suggested before and if it has, I apologize. I too, have an almost 18 year old and realize they can't be watched 24/7. Have you considered some kind of implantable birth control? It has been YEARS since I've looked into any of that so don't even know what exists anymore. Maybe an IUD or something long lasting like a depo shot or or that stuff that is implanted under the skin. Was it called Norplant? Like I said, I'm not remotely current in the area of available birth control, but just suggesting you try something that she could not override to try and get pregnant.

[StaceyinLA]

She did take the pill for a while, but was having a lot of bleeding problems. I'm thinking one of the shots might be a good option.

[lisabelle]

I am sorry, Stacey, not trying to sound cold or snarky, but isn't this the 3rd time you have mentioned about your dd 17 being pregnant? Or just the second time? Is she actively trying to get pregnant outside of being married? And if so, is there a reason for this (low self-esteem, no access to contraception)? Or is she with a steady boy, trying to build their family? I am sorry, haven't been much on the board lately, but I seem to recall her losing another pregnancy that was not planned so I was just wondering.

 

For the record, then I am also pro-life albeit not pro non-marital relations. From an outsider's perspective, then it would seem that a non-married teen wanting to become a mother should finish up her studies (whatever they are), get a husband and decide on a career (homemaker is a valid one, this is coming from one!!), and then move on with her plan on becoming a young, enthusiastic, loving mother.

 

Wow. If this is you trying not to sound cold or snarky, I'd hate to see what you *really* want to say.

[Ann.without.an.e]

Wow. If this is you trying not to sound cold or snarky, I'd hate to see what you *really* want to say.

 

 

It depends on her tone. Which you can never judge from what someone types. When it comes to email or message boards you must read their words and trust them since you can't read tone. In your head you can read her message with a snarky tone or a truly concerned, loving tone. Since she said that she isn't trying to be snarky...we must trust that her tone is not - snarky. Don't you just love this little online world:tongue_smilie:

[Starr]

Stacey :grouphug: mothering is hard work. I'll keep her in my prayers and the rest of you.

[unsinkable]

I appreciate the input. It certainly is not my first choice that she has become pregnant, although it has been with the same, steady boyfriend, but either way, it has been very difficult for her to lose the babies.

 

The first time was definitely an accident, though I think it's possible that she has tried to conceive again to "heal" herself by having a successful pregnancy.

 

Rest assured, it is not my choice for her to have premarital intercourse. At nearly 18, however, short of never letting her out of my sight, it is her decision, not mine.

 

:grouphug:

 

Stacey,

 

You are a sweetheart.

 

I am glad you can turn to this board for support and for the most part, get that support without unnecessary judgement. Wouldn't life be wonderful if we could just fill this board with our offsprings' many accomplishments and nothing imperfect ever occurred with anyone we gave birth to!

 

I hope you dd is doing well!

 

You and yours have my prayers and best wishes.

[StaceyinLA]

Unfortunately, I missed the "perfect kid" classes. Mine are really just human beings, making mistakes and dealing with issues. I love them dearly, and know that God had His reasons for making them mine!

[Audrey]

Wow. If this is you trying not to sound cold or snarky, I'd hate to see what you *really* want to say.

 

Nadia's been here a looooooong time. She didn't sound snarky to me, but then I don't think I've ever seen her be snarky.

[phathui5]

Would your daughter be open to undergoing some counseling? It sounds like she has some emotional issues she might need help working through.

[Mom2J112903]

Unfortunately, I missed the "perfect kid" classes. Mine are really just human beings, making mistakes and dealing with issues. I love them dearly, and know that God had His reasons for making them mine!

 

I wish more Mom's could be as accepting as you. Your daughter is *very* lucky to have you as her Mother.

[Karenciavo]

Wow. If this is you trying not to sound cold or snarky, I'd hate to see what you *really* want to say.

 

Osmosis Mom has been a member of this community for many years as has StaceyinLA. I truly believe no snark was intended as she said, if anything I would assume a tone of a friend who is concerned.

[3littlekeets]

Unfortunately, I missed the "perfect kid" classes. Mine are really just human beings, making mistakes and dealing with issues. I love them dearly, and know that God had His reasons for making them mine!

 

What a loving and wonderful attitude. FWIW, my sister was 15 when she got pregnant -- just dumb youth -- and my mother NEVER judged or criticized. I had my first child at 27. Though I have more more education and more access to material things, she is by far the better parent! Her second child was born after marriage at 22. I adore my sister -- and she is a great woman (now 32) and my mother's unconditional love taught us both a ton! :grouphug:

[kalanamak]

Osmosis Mom has been a member of this community for many years as has StaceyinLA. I truly believe no snark was intended as she said, if anything I would assume a tone of a friend who is concerned.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

[astrid]

Nadia's been here a looooooong time. She didn't sound snarky to me, but then I don't think I've ever seen her be snarky.

 

Audrey and Karen, you took the words right out of my mouth. I've never, ever read anything Nadia's posted as full of anything but genuine concern and friendship.

 

astrid

[Parrothead]

I appreciate the input. It certainly is not my first choice that she has become pregnant, although it has been with the same, steady boyfriend, but either way, it has been very difficult for her to lose the babies.

 

The first time was definitely an accident, though I think it's possible that she has tried to conceive again to "heal" herself by having a successful pregnancy.

 

Rest assured, it is not my choice for her to have premarital intercourse. At nearly 18, however, short of never letting her out of my sight, it is her decision, not mine.

I'm going to second the counseling suggestion. She probably needs some grief counseling. I'd also suggest a full medical work up to see if there is something going on that can be fixed. I'm sorry for her loss.

 

On a happier note, congratulation your other dd's new baby on the way.

[Parrothead]

Wow. If this is you trying not to sound cold or snarky, I'd hate to see what you *really* want to say.

Hang around a while. Get to know people a bit better before passing judgment.

[AuntieM]

Wow. If this is you trying not to sound cold or snarky, I'd hate to see what you *really* want to say.

 

I have read enough of Osmosis Mom's posts to know that she is not the snarky type. I believe she is genuinely concerned about the well being of Stacey's daughter and spoke the truth in love. I'm hoping Stacey took it that way, too.

 

ETA I see (after reading more replies) that I am not the only one who feels this way about O.M.

Edited December 8, 2010 by AuntieM

[Audrey]

I have read enough of Osmosis Mom's posts to know that she is not the snarky type. I believe she is genuinely concerned about the well being of Stacey's daughter and spoke the truth in love. I'm hoping Stacey took it that way, too.

 

ETA I see (after reading more replies) that I am not the only one who feels this way about O.M.

 

 

Osmosis Mom is definitely one of those posters who is very easy to love. She's incredibly wise and gracious.

[Heather in Neverland]

Osmosis Mom has been a member of this community for many years as has StaceyinLA. I truly believe no snark was intended as she said, if anything I would assume a tone of a friend who is concerned.

 

:iagree:

[Osmosis Mom]

Gosh, gals (and Stacey), that was very sweet! Guess nothing like such posts to re-build you after your own teen dd tries to tear you down (on a daily basis!).

 

I certainly have my share of teen headaches plus I married young and had my first at age 20. I know Stacey loves her kids dearly since I have followed her heartaches over the years. She is another wtm-friend. I just really wanted to extend not just a pat on the hand, but more a different point of view which I think is fair enough to expect if you post on a public board, as hard as it may seem.

 

My own dd is turning 17 shortly and it'd make me sad if she was getting a baby already, before having had a go at getting an education or a job with a future. It'd make me sad for her, not for me and I am not talking morality here. If she had always been wanting kids, then by all means, get married early and start your family.

 

Anyways, Stacey should get her support, but as true cyber friends, then we should also support eachother the best we know.

[parias1126]

Unfortunately, I missed the "perfect kid" classes. Mine are really just human beings, making mistakes and dealing with issues. I love them dearly, and know that God had His reasons for making them mine!

 

I know exactly where your coming from. My prayers are with your daughter. I have a 17yo who is pregnant. We can only do so much for them and can't keep them in our sight 24/7. I think I am pretty strict and my DD would tell anyone the same. I only allowed her one full day a week with her steady boyfriend. If they are going to have sex, they will find a way. It only takes one time. But, I agree, at 17, we can't control their lives and dictate what they do.

 

The only one true thing we can do is make sure they learn from they're mistakes.

 

Congratulations on your other DDs pregnancy!

Edited December 22, 2010 by parias1126

[Osmosis Mom]

What I don't get is why parents of potentially sexually active children do not provide them with options for birth control? If two young people have time together, then sexual explorations are pretty natural, right? Or do parents prefer to close their eyes so they won't be blamed for encouraging their kids to have sex?

 

This is not directed at any one in particular although I am certainly interested in hearing everyone's opinions incl. the ones with pregnant teens.

 

I met a 15 yo who got pregnant on the one time she snuck out of her girl friend's window at a socalled sleep over to go to a party. She had a plan all along. Ended up pregnant, but became an awesome mother and fnished her studies -with her mother as her partner. Kids make wrong choices, but if we as parents know they have a boy friend, don't we owe it to take them to the doctor and give them options?

[Mommyfaithe]

Audrey and Karen, you took the words right out of my mouth. I've never, ever read anything Nadia's posted as full of anything but genuine concern and friendship.

 

astrid

 

:iagree:

And sometimes friends have to say or ask hard questions...with love and humility,not condemnation. I think Nadia is asking with love and concern for Stacey, her dd AND also maybe trying to get some perspective from others in this same situation.

 

Faithe

[Mom2J112903]

What I don't get is why parents of potentially sexually active children do not provide them with options for birth control? If two young people have time together, then sexual explorations are pretty natural, right? Or do parents prefer to close their eyes so they won't be blamed for encouraging their kids to have sex?

 

This is not directed at any one in particular although I am certainly interested in hearing everyone's opinions incl. the ones with pregnant teens.

 

I met a 15 yo who got pregnant on the one time she snuck out of her girl friend's window at a socalled sleep over to go to a party. She had a plan all along. Ended up pregnant, but became an awesome mother and fnished her studies -with her mother as her partner. Kids make wrong choices, but if we as parents know they have a boy friend, don't we owe it to take them to the doctor and give them options?

 

My Mother did give me options and had the "talk" with me. Did that stop me? No. Due to my infertility problems (we did not know this as a teen of course, but it explained why I never got pregnant and well :o), I only had one successful pregnancy and that is my one and with my DH :D My Mom was rather strict with me, but you can give your child options and they do not always "listen" ;)

[Scarlett]

Kids make wrong choices, but if we as parents know they have a boy friend, don't we owe it to take them to the doctor and give them options?

 

I think discussions about consequences should be going on constantly with kids. However, I would never provide my child with the means to carry out (and limit the consequences of) an act that I believe (and have taught him) to be immoral. I think that would be very morally confusing.

 

If my ds gets a girl pregnant out of wedlock he will at least know *I* didn't encourage it any way. I would of course not turn my back on my child as he faces the natural negative consequences of his wrongdoing.

[Osmosis Mom]

Well, I am originally from DK which is quite liberal. One of my friends got taken to the doctor's when she was 13 and got put on the pill. It certainly beat what we saw the following year when another peer came over to school with a pram and her new baby....

 

No, I am not trying to appear holier or arrogant. I just think parents in general (across religions and cultures) tend to prefer to not know and then get surprised or shocked when something happens - be it pregnancy, online p##n, experimental drugs etc. Some things can be helped by talking, others by action, no?

 

I don't have an issue about the girls being pregnant except that their lives get harder while the boy can easily choose to just move on.

[Mommyfaithe]

My Mother did give me options and had the "talk" with me. Did that stop me? No. Due to my infertility problems (we did not know this as a teen of course, but it explained why I never got pregnant and well :o), I only had one successful pregnancy and that is my one and with my DH :D My Mom was rather strict with me, but you can give your child options and they do not always "listen" ;)

 

This is true too.

 

I had lots of options and chose to get pregnant before I got married. We did get married before she was born, and we have never, ever , ever regretted her. I sometimes wish I was a smarter kid and realized how very hard it would be to raise my children while we were very poor. We worked very hard, we never starved, we stayed off public rolls, and we have a gorgeous, successful daughter.

 

I would not want my daughters to go down that same path. It was just too hard....but, I will be there for them no matter what.

 

Oh, I told my daughters all the options they have. They have seen their friends have babies young and before they were married or finished with school. They see how much those girls have to grow up...and grow up FAST. I think that made more of an impression than anything I could ever say.

 

Faithe (who has a broken spacebar...and it is driving me crazy.)

[Osmosis Mom]

I think discussions about consequences should be going on constantly with kids. However, I would never provide my child with the means to carry out (and limit the consequences of) an act that I believe (and have taught him) to be immoral. I think that would be very morally confusing.

 

If my ds gets a girl pregnant out of wedlock he will at least know *I* didn't encourage it any way. I would of course not turn my back on my child as he faces the natural negative consequences of his wrongdoing.

 

Well, I was not trying to get into arguments over whether or not my ethics say having non-marital sex is OK. As parents there are some things we need to face -whether we want to or not. It just seemed from the things the posters shared that the parents involved knew they had a boyfriend and my input was to that fact. What I teach my kids is different because we believe differently, but I still have to be very explicit and keep touching base with them as not everyone around them keeps chaste, right?

 

I totally agree that the boy *should* take responsibility as well, but the reality is that he often just walks. So the girls is left to figure out her life and depending on her circumstances then it can get easy and not exceptionally hard on her and the baby.

[Impish]

I agree with the suggestion for counseling. She needs some help to deal with what's happened :grouphug:

[LidiyaDawn]

I think discussions about consequences should be going on constantly with kids. However, I would never provide my child with the means to carry out (and limit the consequences of) an act that I believe (and have taught him) to be immoral. I think that would be very morally confusing.

 

If my ds gets a girl pregnant out of wedlock he will at least know *I* didn't encourage it any way. I would of course not turn my back on my child as he faces the natural negative consequences of his wrongdoing.

 

What happens if that "natural negative consequence" is contracting HIV?

 

I'm in the same boat here as you with regards to believing that sex outside of marriage is a sin - and have taught that in our home. However - if my child was determined to do this....I would rather that I could help them stay ALIVE through their rocky decision making time. If that makes sense? I wouldn't 'condone' it --- but at the same time, I wouldn't want to turn away and allow my immature (not name-calling, just stating a fact - teens are NOT mature yet) child to harm themselves beyond repair.

[mommaduck]

Praying for both of your daughters and congratulations on the pregnancy of the older daughter. I think you are a great mom...moms can only do so much and our main job when they are older is support and understanding :grouphug:

 

 

 

Entering my opinion on the shot (may disregard at will ;) ) : I have heard of too many ill side effects from uncontrollable mood swings, extreme weight gain, constant bleeding to no bleeding, and even infertility all lasting way past the usage of the shot (depro), but caused by the shot. I would not want someone to risk other areas of their health just to prevent pregnancy. And I totally understand that this is pretty much her decision on the matter, but I just wanted to toss it in there for informational purposes. I'm sure others may have had no problems.

[Scarlett]

What happens if that "natural negative consequence" is contracting HIV?

 

I imagine everyone would be extrembly sad that an impulse not controlled lead to such a tragic outcome. And I was thinking of STDs of all kinds when I mentioned negative consequences--a baby is certainly not the worst outcome by any means! I myself was born out of wedlock--in 1965 when it was really still considered shocking.

 

I wouldn't want to be party to encouraging a wrong behavior even with the possibility of HIV. Besides most bc doesn't prevent STDs anyway.

 

 

I'm in the same boat here as you with regards to believing that sex outside of marriage is a sin - and have taught that in our home. However - if my child was determined to do this....I would rather that I could help them stay ALIVE through their rocky decision making time. If that makes sense? I wouldn't 'condone' it --- but at the same time, I wouldn't want to turn away and allow my immature (not name-calling, just stating a fact - teens are NOT mature yet) child to harm themselves beyond repair.

 

I agree that teens are totally immature. I was for sure. :tongue_smilie: That is WHY they need a beacon of strength and conviction to stay on a proper course.

 

Btw, I don't think Stacey is a bad mother and I hope nothing I've said indicates that.

[Scarlett]

Well, I was not trying to get into arguments over whether or not my ethics say having non-marital sex is OK.

 

Did I sound argumentative? :confused: I was only sharing my belief.

 

As parents there are some things we need to face -whether we want to or not. It just seemed from the things the posters shared that the parents involved knew they had a boyfriend and my input was to that fact.

 

Again I think FACING an issue is quite different from condoning it. You (the collective You) face it by enforcing the rules of your home and the standards of your morals. I don't believe we should assume every teen that has a boyfriend/girlfriend is sexually active. I do believe we should help those teens avoid situations that lead to hormones ruling over good sense. Sure there are teens who will sneak out and break every sort of rule. At the end of the day though, I still want to be able to tell my child 'I did all I could to raise you right and help you make moral decisions.'

[snipsnsnailsx5]

What I don't get is why parents of potentially sexually active children do not provide them with options for birth control? If two young people have time together, then sexual explorations are pretty natural, right? Or do parents prefer to close their eyes so they won't be blamed for encouraging their kids to have sex?

 

This is not directed at any one in particular although I am certainly interested in hearing everyone's opinions incl. the ones with pregnant teens.

 

I met a 15 yo who got pregnant on the one time she snuck out of her girl friend's window at a socalled sleep over to go to a party. She had a plan all along. Ended up pregnant, but became an awesome mother and fnished her studies -with her mother as her partner. Kids make wrong choices, but if we as parents know they have a boy friend, don't we owe it to take them to the doctor and give them options?

 

I got pregnant with my first son at 16. My parents preached abstinence to me. They knew I was "dating" someone but they didn't approve of him (rightly so!) so they didn't allow us to be alone or go out together. However, that just pushed me closer to him...and while I couldn't ever have alone time with him, I found ways. I started sneaking out when my parents were asleep. I was very crafty.

We never had the birth control talk because my parents had no clue that I was sexually active. They thought I was still a virgin. I was not really a problem child until I started hanging out with the wrong crowd and dating that boy.

There was no way I'd go to my mom asking for birth control because then she would have known about me sneaking around seeing the boy behind her back...

 

So it happens. When you least expect it. When you think your child would never think to do something as stupid as that...it does. Its so important to talk to your kids early about sex and safe sex.

My Dh and I will preach abstinence to our boys too BUT they will also get a safe sex talk along with that...

[StaceyinLA]

My dd HAS had access to b/c. I took her to a gynecologist as soon as I knew she was sexually active.

 

I guess the biggest problem for me with the b/c is that we are very pro-life and I have a moral issue with the pill (yes, AND a moral issue with pre-marital sex, but that doesn't negate the way I feel about the pill), and I worry about various issues from taking hormonal b/c.

 

That being said, not only did she have the opportunity to take the pill, she DID take the pill after her first pregnancy, and did become pg the second time WHILE taking the pill.

 

Also, I VERY much encourage condom use, because, as mentioned earlier, I don't believe the worst consequence from sex is pregnancy. I encourage my kids to use condoms because of disease.

 

17yodd has been with the same young man for the last 2 years. She has not been active with others. I have done my best to provide her with options, and talk about all of it with her, including the fact that it is NOT God's intention for people to have marital relations outside of marriage.

 

I do appreciate the input, and my feelings have not been hurt with any of this discussion. I'm no wuss - I can take it. I know this child has some unresolved issues of some kind, and I have encouraged counseling. At almost 18 years old though, I can't force anything on her. All I can really do is pray, pray, pray, and THAT I do!

[Scarlett]

However, that just pushed me closer to him...and while I couldn't ever have alone time with him, I found ways. I started sneaking out when my parents were asleep. I was very crafty. ...

 

The above makes it sound like it was your parents fault that you rebelled against their very wise standards.

 

We never had the birth control talk because my parents had no clue that I was sexually active. ...

 

Did you really have no idea about how to prevent a pregnancy?

[parias1126]

Well, I was not trying to get into arguments over whether or not my ethics say having non-marital sex is OK. As parents there are some things we need to face -whether we want to or not. It just seemed from the things the posters shared that the parents involved knew they had a boyfriend and my input was to that fact. What I teach my kids is different because we believe differently, but I still have to be very explicit and keep touching base with them as not everyone around them keeps chaste, right?

 

I totally agree that the boy *should* take responsibility as well, but the reality is that he often just walks. So the girls is left to figure out her life and depending on her circumstances then it can get easy and not exceptionally hard on her and the baby.

 

My DD is 17 and pregnant. We have talked and talked and talked. She had an appointment to be at the doctor to get on birth control. She promised she would wait until that appointment (only 3 days). Well she decided to use a condom instead of waiting. The condom broke, she flipped out. Of course she ended up pregnant. Things just happen sometimes because of decisions we make. She is a teenager and sometimes they just don't think with their whole head! (I know that sounds horrible, but that is why they are given parents to guide them).

[Renee in NC]

Well, I was not trying to get into arguments over whether or not my ethics say having non-marital sex is OK. As parents there are some things we need to face -whether we want to or not. It just seemed from the things the posters shared that the parents involved knew they had a boyfriend and my input was to that fact. What I teach my kids is different because we believe differently, but I still have to be very explicit and keep touching base with them as not everyone around them keeps chaste, right?

 

I totally agree that the boy *should* take responsibility as well, but the reality is that he often just walks. So the girls is left to figure out her life and depending on her circumstances then it can get easy and not exceptionally hard on her and the baby.

 

If I gave my dc birth control, I would be going against what the Catholic Church teaches about birth control. So, they are sinning by having premarital s*x and using birth control and I am sinning by providing them with and encouraging birth control.

[BlsdMama]

I do believe we should help those teens avoid situations that lead to hormones ruling over good sense.

 

I think I really like you. :grouphug:

 

Stacy, I'm actually NOT condemning but actually curious and confused. Because it seems like you're anti-birth control pill (which I am too) but were okay with DD using it because of the situation. So isn't that like saying, "Well, we have convictions but if they aren't convenient then we can get around those?" Because if this is so, then when the teachings on "we have convictions about no premarital sex" become inconvenient then she could just go around those as well? It seems like a very mixed message.

 

I actually feel 17 is MORE than capable of making good decisions. Now, obviously, I would never want to lead them into temptation by allowing them alone... It's not a lack of trust, it's admitting that sex is a very tempting thing between two people who care about one another. For those of us who don't practice hormonal birth control and gave NFP a try (no barrier methods either)we KNOW this to be true!!!! It is easier even among OLD, MARRIED couples to just say, "Eh well, whatever the consequences are they are TOTALLY worth it!" :D How much harder is it to deny it when you're young??? Is a 17 yo competent? Absolutely. Should they ever be left alone with the love of their life? Uh no. ;)

 

I agree with you though - pregnancy is not the worst thing. But, wow, how hard on her right now. Especially without the stability of a loving marriage and a committed husband, kwim?

 

I have to ask - is marriage an option? (Ducking the eggs and tomatoes.)

Is it that kind of a relationship? Is he capable of supporting a wife & a child?

 

It seems to me the concept of dating is wrong. We let men who aren't ready to support a family play house. Wrong. If he isn't ready for that kind of a relationship, he'd have to go play house elsewhere 'til he got ready. Quickly.

[Scarlett]

I actually feel 17 is MORE than capable of making good decisions. Now, obviously, I would never want to lead them into temptation by allowing them alone... It's not a lack of trust, it's admitting that sex is a very tempting thing between two people who care about one another.

 

I am all to aware of how true this is having just been briefly in the dating world in my 40s. My dh to- be and I avoided situations that would leave us alone. Was it easy? No. And I am even more convinced that dating before one is ready for marriage is just asking for trouble.

 

 

I have to ask - is marriage an option? (Ducking the eggs and tomatoes.)

Is it that kind of a relationship? Is he capable of supporting a wife & a child.

 

I think you might have missed the part where here 17 dd is NOT pregnant. She thought she was but is not.

[TXMomof4]

Entering my opinion on the shot (may disregard at will ;) ) : I have heard of too many ill side effects from uncontrollable mood swings, extreme weight gain, constant bleeding to no bleeding, and even infertility all lasting way past the usage of the shot (depro), but caused by the shot. I would not want someone to risk other areas of their health just to prevent pregnancy. And I totally understand that this is pretty much her decision on the matter, but I just wanted to toss it in there for informational purposes. I'm sure others may have had no problems.

 

This was my experience. As a responsible, newly married, poor young woman I chose the shot (depoprovera) because I knew I was bad at remembering pills and did not want a child before we *planned* for one. So after 2 years I quit taking the shot, and 3 years and 2 fertility treatments later I finally had my first baby. That was NOT the plan. Unfortunately, I did not think to research any of it at that point. The dr. suggested it, I thought great, and was very sorry later.