my dd accidentally hurt her friend.

[Denisemomof4]

Dd 10 (nearly 11) accidentally hurt her friend. I don't know why, but she's always wanting to lift everyone up! This started years ago, and I think it's her keeping up with her older brothers. Really, she's such a sweet kid, and one I rarely have issues with.

 

Well, at chess club 2.5 weeks ago dd lifted her friend, who weighs quite a bit more than her. Her friend asked her to put her down (she wasn't mad) and I don't think dd could do it gracefully as the kid, two years older and, again, much more weight on her than dd (not chubby or fat!) so she let go. Her friend crashed into the ground and hit her tailbone quite hard. :sad: This girl is SUCH a sweet girl and it breaks my heart that she was hurt. I also adore her mom and we are becoming very good friends.

 

Last night the mom and I went out to meet some other friends from our homeschool group. On the drive over, as we were talking, S.'s mom was talking about gymnastics and one thing lead to another, and she told me that S. had to sit out for now because she hurt her back, had to have x-rays, and needs to go to a chiropractor for adjustments. I know that a friend pays for her gymnastics (they don't have much money as her husband is in the ministry and she works very limited hours as a hairdresser) and her friend forgot about it when things started up in September. My friend wasn't going to ASK for help so her girls didn't do it until just recently. The woman told her to let her know next time but it's embarrassing for my friend. She won't do that. So anyway, gymnastics just started up for them and now S. has to sit out, hopefully for only one week.

 

Also, during gymnastics when she had to do some kind of roll, it hurt her tailbone so bad that she shifted her weight and now her neck is giving her a lot of pain. She's going to have it x-rayed on Monday. :crying:

 

The mom felt bad when I felt so bad (honestly, I was really fighting back tears! I felt HORRIBLE!!!) and I'm so thankful that she knows my dd didn't mean harm. Still, dd IS responsible. Obviously I've spoken to her and told her that I do NOT want her to pick ANYONE up anymore. I shared what happened to S. and I could see her eyes welling up. I told her that I knew she didn't MEAN to hurt S. but she did and now she's got to apologize. She absolutely agreed and I could see how much it bothered her.

 

So we feel just awful. We want to do something for S. Even dh says we have to do SOMETHING. She's got a lot of food restrictions and I don't even know what she can eat. So baking cookies and giving flowers, along with a sorry note/card, is out, as is having them over for dinner. Dd is most definitely going to apologize to her. But what would you do? I wish dd could do some chores for her but really, I just can NOT drive her to their house every day and wait around while dd does her chores.

 

I'm thinking of a nice lounging outfit, like a velour sweat suit, and a good book. Along with the most important thing: an apology.

 

Thoughts? WWYD?

[smrtmama]

How have you addressed the picking-up issue with your daughter? At 12, she should know that it's not appropriate to touch, let alone pick up, someone without their permission.

[jujsky]

I was thinking of a book or a game for her Nintendo DS if she has one. If she has to sit around, giving her something to DO while she's sitting around is definitely a thoughtful idea.

 

Edited to add: I also agree with all the posters who said you should pick up the tab on the chiropractor visits & any related medical cost not covered by their insurance.

Edited November 19, 2010 by jujsky

[Mom0012]

That's too bad that happened! I guess I wouldn't want to because money is so tight, but I would feel I needed to offer to pay for the medical expenses associated with the injury.

 

Lisa

[love2read]

What a difficult situation to be in. I can only imagine how distressing this is for both of you.

talking about gymnastics and one thing lead to another, and she told me that S. had to sit out for now because she hurt her back, had to have x-rays,

It wasn't accidental that this worked its way into your conversation. Our insurance company only pays for part of doctor's visits and xrays and nothing for chiropractor, so I would offer to pick up the tab and insist to the point of asking to see the bills to make sure they aren't paying large sums. I imagine she at least has a deductible that needs to be paid.

[Murphy101]

How have you addressed the picking-up issue with your daughter? At 12, she should know that it's not appropriate to touch, let alone pick up, someone without their permission.

 

I agree.

 

I'd help with the chiropractor bill and I'd make dd work towards it to. No allowance, extra chores.

[SailorMom]

What a difficult situation to be in. I can only imagine how distressing this is for both of you.

It wasn't accidental that this worked its way into your conversation. Our insurance company only pays for part of doctor's visits and xrays and nothing for chiropractor, so I would offer to pick up the tab and insist to the point of asking to see the bills to make sure they aren't paying large sums. I imagine she at least has a deductible that needs to be paid.

 

 

I hate to say it - but I agree. Most insurance won't touch a chiropractor. If they were well off or doing fine financially - I don't know that you would be obligated quite so much - but at this point, it is appropriate.

[CoastalGal]

How have you addressed the picking-up issue with your daughter? At 12, she should know that it's not appropriate to touch, let alone pick up, someone without their permission.

 

:iagree:

 

I agree.

 

I'd help with the chiropractor bill and I'd make dd work towards it to. No allowance, extra chores.

 

:iagree:

[Journey]

I don't think it matters right now how the OP talked to her daughter about not picking people up. I think that post was sort of rude. The girl picked up the other girl and someone got hurt, that is the root of this question, not about how the 12 year old should or should not be picking someone up. Anyway, since the family doesn't have alot of money, can you get the girl a gift card and maybe offer to pay for some of the chiropractor visits? I know they aren't cheap so I feel for you. Your poor child. So sad as she did not intend to hurt her friend. Poor things the two of them.

[annandatje]

More than an apology is needed to make amends.

 

These people already are struggling financially. Although they sound too nice to sue, it is feasible that they could indeed sue for pain and suffering. Pay the medical bills. It will cost you less emotionally, and possibly financially, in the long run.

 

Now for the bigger issue. I admit that I am hypersensitive about uninvited physical contact with others. I absolutely hated it when another kid would lift me up. Your ten year old needs to understand that it is not acceptable to pick up other children without their consent. Roughhousing at home with her brothers is a very different situation from picking up another kid elsewhere. Your daughter could be the one who gets hurt next with a punch in nose from a kid she picks up.

[Sophia]

So the other girl is 12 y.o. and bigger than your dd?

 

That makes it sound like she could have prevented your dd from picking her up? Unless she approached her from behind?

 

I'm just pointing that out, because yes, your dd should not be picking up other kids, but it sounds like they were both playing and equally responsible.

 

Your friend's situation sounds difficult though, and the chiropracter expense is probably a burden...I would offer to contribute to the chiropracter's expense~would not take no for an answer~along with a book for the girl to read while activities are limited.

[Murphy101]

I don't think it was rude.

I think it was uncommon sense.

Accident or not, her dd did something completely inappropriate that caused injury to another person.

If all she has to pay is the chiropractor bill, she is getting off light.

The woman sounds very nice, considering she is now stuck trying to cover medical bills she might not be able to afford.

[dani3boys]

I don't think it matters right now how the OP talked to her daughter about not picking people up. I think that post was sort of rude. The girl picked up the other girl and someone got hurt, that is the root of this question, not about how the 12 year old should or should not be picking someone up. Anyway, since the family doesn't have alot of money, can you get the girl a gift card and maybe offer to pay for some of the chiropractor visits? I know they aren't cheap so I feel for you. Your poor child. So sad as she did not intend to hurt her friend. Poor things the two of them.

 

:iagree:

 

I think offering to pay for part or all of the bills is the right thing to do.

[hsmom]

I agree that helping pay some of the Doctor bills would be best.

[MariannNOVA]

Hi, Denise -- I will PM you.:grouphug:

[MamaAkins]

First off, I think the best lesson is that accidents do happen, but that when we are at fault, we have to make amends. I think a heartfelt apology from your dd to her friend is definitely the first step.

Second, I would offer to pay for a portion of the medical costs associated with this injury. If the mom refuses to allow you to do that, could you offer to pay for a month of her gymnastics fees (once she's able to participate again)?

I hope you can come up with a solution and that the friendship does not suffer as a result of this accident. It's so hard when you know that your child did not intentionally hurt someone.

[Denisemomof4]

How have you addressed the picking-up issue with your daughter? At 12, she should know that it's not appropriate to touch, let alone pick up, someone without their permission.

 

she's 10, and I have told her not to do this again. She and her friends hug all the time, and I've seen several of them try to pick each other up. It's not only her doing it. BUT, I have told her not to do this again and I've told her what will happen if she does.

[Denisemomof4]

I was thinking of a book or a game for her Nintendo DS if she has one. If she has to sit around, giving her something to DO while she's sitting around is definitely a thoughtful idea.

 

Thanks, Julie. She doesn't have one and that's why I'm thinking of a book. She doesn't have to sit around, but she can't do gymnastics this week.:sad:

[Tap]

I would offer to pay all medical expences and any time she lost at work. Maybe a grocery gift card for the parents to help with any extra stuff at home. Especially to a place that has a good deli, to pick up some prepared meals.

 

I would consider paying for a month of gymnastics myself to cover the ones that she has already or may in the future sit out.

 

 

 

I am sure that huge applogies are already in place but I often encourage my kids to make a sick friend a 'get well' card. Something about getting a bit of mail is so exicting to kids.

 

 

Sorry, you are going through this. It is so hard to be a parent sometimes.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: The moms reaction and your new friendship speak so much about both of your characters :D

[Denisemomof4]

That's too bad that happened! I guess I wouldn't want to because money is so tight, but I would feel I needed to offer to pay for the medical expenses associated with the injury.

 

Lisa

 

 

I'm sorry I didn't specify this! I immediately insisted we pay for all co-pays and out of pocket expenses. The mother said no, they aren't paying a penny for anything. She and her dh don't have medical insurance but her kids are fully insured.

[Denisemomof4]

What a difficult situation to be in. I can only imagine how distressing this is for both of you.

It wasn't accidental that this worked its way into your conversation. Our insurance company only pays for part of doctor's visits and xrays and nothing for chiropractor, so I would offer to pick up the tab and insist to the point of asking to see the bills to make sure they aren't paying large sums. I imagine she at least has a deductible that needs to be paid.

 

normally I'd agree but this time it wasn't brought up on purpose, I was the one who kept questioning, having NO idea it was my dd who caused it! I brought up the YMCA, the noise, how it distressed me, it was all unrelated. I could see that she was trying to avoid something.

 

Anyway, I'm probably not explaining it well. BUT, I've seen her several times and she hadn't mentioned A Thing. I wish she had!

[hsmom]

Then I would get a few hundred dollar gift card to walmart or the grocery store to help out that way. This way if they wanted the daughter could get something or if they needed they could get groceries.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't think it matters right now how the OP talked to her daughter about not picking people up. I think that post was sort of rude. The girl picked up the other girl and someone got hurt, that is the root of this question, not about how the 12 year old should or should not be picking someone up. Anyway, since the family doesn't have alot of money, can you get the girl a gift card and maybe offer to pay for some of the chiropractor visits? I know they aren't cheap so I feel for you. Your poor child. So sad as she did not intend to hurt her friend. Poor things the two of them.

 

Thank you.

 

And thank you for the gift card suggestion. That may be better than what I was thinking.

 

Although everything is paid for (but I'm thinking of GAS right now) I still wanted to do something nice specifically for the sweet girl. She assured me that everything is 100% paid for, and KNOWING they're hurting financially, I'm quite certain she'd allow me to pay for things if they weren't. But time issue aside, I'm going to pay for a tank of gas for her, too.

[newlifemom]

In the OP's dd's defense. I tutor a group of 12-14 yr olds. I had to explicitly state,

 

"Do not pick each other up."

 

It started 2 years ago when they were younger and dd was so petite that the other girls would pick her up. I kind of let it go b/c we were new in town and dd so badly wanted friends. She let them. Fast forward 2 years later, she didn't like it so much, but the precedent had been set.

 

No one was being mean. They were all goofing around, but it was completely inappropriate. I just had to point it out once, but I did have to point it out.

 

A little grace please.

 

Remember, we are the weird homeschoolers. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

OP - I hope things resolve themselves. I do think that some sort of natural consequence could help dd to understand actions have them. She is young, but I say learning this sooner than later is preferable. I hope things work out for you and dd, and that girl.

[Denisemomof4]

More than an apology is needed to make amends.

 

These people already are struggling financially. Although they sound too nice to sue, it is feasible that they could indeed sue for pain and suffering. Pay the medical bills. It will cost you less emotionally, and possibly financially, in the long run.

 

Now for the bigger issue. I admit that I am hypersensitive about uninvited physical contact with others. I absolutely hated it when another kid would lift me up. Your ten year old needs to understand that it is not acceptable to pick up other children without their consent. Roughhousing at home with her brothers is a very different situation from picking up another kid elsewhere. Your daughter could be the one who gets hurt next with a punch in nose from a kid she picks up.

 

OH PLEASE!!!!! I hope you're not someone who's quick to jump onto suing someone so you can gain personally. These are children behaving as children. They hug all the time, they touch appropriately. Others pick up dd. It's all been ended now.

 

YOU have a hands off rule, we don't and neither do my kid's friends. They're ALWAYS hugging and holding hands, jokingly sit on each other's lap. It's silly kid's stuff that they're about to grow out of. Picking up is the one thing I won't allow now.

 

Thank God my friends are good people and not sue happy.

[Denisemomof4]

So the other girl is 12 y.o. and bigger than your dd?

 

That makes it sound like she could have prevented your dd from picking her up? Unless she approached her from behind?

 

I'm just pointing that out, because yes, your dd should not be picking up other kids, but it sounds like they were both playing and equally responsible.

Your friend's situation sounds difficult though, and the chiropracter expense is probably a burden...I would offer to contribute to the chiropracter's expense~would not take no for an answer~along with a book for the girl to read while activities are limited.

 

good point. Thank you. I've seen dd AND her friends do this many times. I don't understand why, but now it's over.

 

Kids play and kids get hurt. I'm so surprised to see that some would try to financially gain from kid's play. Sad.

[Denisemomof4]

First off, I think the best lesson is that accidents do happen, but that when we are at fault, we have to make amends. I think a heartfelt apology from your dd to her friend is definitely the first step.

Second, I would offer to pay for a portion of the medical costs associated with this injury. If the mom refuses to allow you to do that, could you offer to pay for a month of her gymnastics fees (once she's able to participate again)?

I hope you can come up with a solution and that the friendship does not suffer as a result of this accident. It's so hard when you know that your child did not intentionally hurt someone.

 

we are TOTALLY fine. This happened weeks ago and she hasn't told me about it. She knows my dd is a very sweet kid and that she would never want to hurt her friend. (those were her words) She knew it was kids play and was an accident. We went out alone last night and no, she wasn't hinting to get things out but I'm not going to try to prove that to anyone here. And again, I've seen her several times since this happened.

 

Anyway, with the type of insurance she has (I believe it's through the state) there are no deductibles, no co-pays, etc. I pressed her on this because I wouldn't pay a portion of her bill, dh and I would take FULL responsibility. It is all 100% covered. She made that very clear.

 

Thank you for realizing, and stating, it was an accident. It wasn't rude, it wasn't malicious.

[hsmom]

They are kids and all kids do this. So, since medical is paid just give the gift card and a heart felt apology.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't think it was rude.

I think it was uncommon sense.

Accident or not, her dd did something completely inappropriate that caused injury to another person.

If all she has to pay is the chiropractor bill, she is getting off light.

The woman sounds very nice, considering she is now stuck trying to cover medical bills she might not be able to afford.

 

getting off light? Really? I don't think so. I'm not talking about financial issues here.

 

Don't make assumptions. I know I didn't clarify in my first post, but I have made the financial situation clear now.

[Denisemomof4]

I would offer to pay all medical expences and any time she lost at work. Maybe a grocery gift card for the parents to help with any extra stuff at home. Especially to a place that has a good deli, to pick up some prepared meals.

 

I would consider paying for a month of gymnastics myself to cover the ones that she has already or may in the future sit out.

 

 

 

I am sure that huge applogies are already in place but I often encourage my kids to make a sick friend a 'get well' card. Something about getting a bit of mail is so exicting to kids.

 

 

Sorry, you are going through this. It is so hard to be a parent sometimes.

 

:grouphug::grouphug: The moms reaction and your new friendship speak so much about both of your characters :D

 

 

you are so sweet! Thank you!

 

We have been on the receiving end like this girl before and we also handled it the same way.

[Denisemomof4]

In the OP's dd's defense. I tutor a group of 12-14 yr olds. I had to explicitly state,

 

"Do not pick each other up."

 

It started 2 years ago when they were younger and dd was so petite that the other girls would pick her up. I kind of let it go b/c we were new in town and dd so badly wanted friends. She let them. Fast forward 2 years later, she didn't like it so much, but the precedent had been set.

 

No one was being mean. They were all goofing around, but it was completely inappropriate. I just had to point it out once, but I did have to point it out.

 

A little grace please.

 

Remember, we are the weird homeschoolers. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

OP - I hope things resolve themselves. I do think that some sort of natural consequence could help dd to understand actions have them. She is young, but I say learning this sooner than later is preferable. I hope things work out for you and dd, and that girl.

 

thank you for sharing this! Honestly, some people here are being RIDICULOUS. Maybe THEIR kids aren't allowed to do this, and I understand. But honestly, it's something I've watched ALL kids do, including my boys when they were younger. Oldest is almost 19.

 

Really, it's not a new behavior my dd did. Kids have been doing it forever. I've now made it clear that my dd's are NOT to do this and I've told them what will take place if it does.

[MariannNOVA]

In the OP's dd's defense. I tutor a group of 12-14 yr olds. I had to explicitly state,

 

"Do not pick each other up."

 

It started 2 years ago when they were younger and dd was so petite that the other girls would pick her up. I kind of let it go b/c we were new in town and dd so badly wanted friends. She let them. Fast forward 2 years later, she didn't like it so much, but the precedent had been set.

No one was being mean. They were all goofing around, but it was completely inappropriate. I just had to point it out once, but I did have to point it out.

A little grace please.

 

Remember, we are the weird homeschoolers. :tongue_smilie:

 

 

OP - I hope things resolve themselves. I do think that some sort of natural consequence could help dd to understand actions have them. She is young, but I say learning this sooner than later is preferable. I hope things work out for you and dd, and that girl.

 

good point. Thank you. I've seen dd AND her friends do this many times. I don't understand why, but now it's over.

 

Kids play and kids get hurt. I'm so surprised to see that some would try to financially gain from kid's play. Sad.

 

 

 

OMH - I could have written what I bolded in RED above. My dd10 is the teeniest little thing and I have spent YEARS and still have to tell kids: Please DO NOt PICK HER UP! And I am always telling DD11: DON'T PICK UP OTHER KIDS. DON'T TOUCH OTHER KIDS! She is always wanting to pick up little kids (2 year olds in the nursery at co-op - you get the idea) -- it makes me nuts.

And, as a classroom teacher, I have to tell you that the worst part of putting kids in a line to leave the classroom and go wherever WAS THAT it became the TIME to PICK EACH OTHER UP! One would think that the teacher would not have to be telling kids NOT to pick each other up -

Do not ask me what it is/was. I have taught in public, private, pre; I teach at co-op; I've volunteered as a room mom on field trips at parties -- it is ALWAYS the same thing: DO NOT PICK EACH OTHER UP. Maybe it doesn't go on where some folks are, but it most definitely goes on here.

Denise -- I know you! We have spoken on the phone and emailed extensively -- I know how upset you probably are and how heartfelt your desire is to help and make amends. This family knows this b/c anyone who knows you is aware of what a kind, sincere person you are.:grouphug:

[QuirkyKapers]

I think that the gift card idea sounds great! Than they can choose what they want to do with it. Maybe they would use it toward their Christmas gifts.

[Denisemomof4]

It sounds like no bad intentions were meant at all. Kids goof around all the time and usually nothing happens. It's a freak thing.

 

I think any gesture would be appreciated.

 

you are ABSOLUTELY right.

 

And I'll say right now, my friend would NOT accept a few hundred dollars. Neither would I have when my kids were on the receiving end. Kids are kids and goof around. ACCIDENTS happen.

 

This same dd of mine had a wrist broken and subsequent surgery when a kid jumped onto a trampoline she was on and broke her wrist. This happened at a friend's house. I could have sued to the high heavens. I could NEVER do that with a clear conscience. It was a BAD judgment but it was also an ACCIDENT.

 

Sheesh.

[JoJosMom]

I haven't read all the responses, so I apologize if this is repetitious.

 

Perhaps your daughter could write a letter to her friend acknowledging the friend's pain and expressing her love and regret? It sounds like the friend's family are the sort who would appreciate the effort. And a book or hand-held game for fun would go along nicely.

 

FWIT, I have the "short child" that other children are ALWAYS picking up and hauling around. It happened when she went to private school and it still happens at church, at her charter school enrichment day, and in the neighborhood. And yes, she's been dropped (thankfully, never badly hurt.) And yes, I correct the behavior when I see it. My point, picking each other up is just a weird kid thing, IMHO.

[jujsky]

Denise,

 

I just wanted to jump in on the "picking up" thing since I think a couple people are being a bit harsh. I see this behavior ALL the time at DD's dance studio and I've seen it from kids as young as 5 and as old as late teens. I don't understand WHY they do it. I don't remember doing this when I was a kid. Accidents happens. You addressed it with your DD, and if she's feeling remorseful it is doubtful that it will ever happen again.

[Catwoman]

I completely disagree with the concept that Denise should punish her dd for picking up the girl. It was an accident, for crying out loud!

 

These girls are friends, and were kidding around, and something bad happened. Period. They weren't in the middle of a fistfight. Denise's dd wasn't brandishing a gun. She jokingly picked up the other girl and accidentally dropped her.

 

Ok, so Denise's dd has now learned a lesson about how she shouldn't pick up other kids. And I'm sure she learned the lesson, as it's clear that she is very remorseful. Denise has done all the right things by offering to pay for the girl's medical expenses, and the other mom isn't angry at either Denise or her dd.

 

I think a nice get well gift would be appropriate, but I don't even think it's necessary that Denise's dd be required to pay for it out of her own money. If she'd done something malicious, I would feel entirely differently about all of this, but it was truly an unfortunate accident, and because she was sorry about what happened, I don't see this as being a punishable offense.

 

The poor girl is a good kid who did something silly and goofy, and her friend was injured as a result. She has learned that she needs to think about the consequences of her actions, and that even when you are just kidding around, something bad can happen if you're not careful. She's sorry, no one is angry, and Denise has done the right thing by offering to pay for the girl's medical expenses. I think some people are blowing the whole incident out of proportion.

 

Cat

[Gooblink]

:grouphug: My boys and their friends do this to each other all the time. They're kids. My 10 year-old hurt his tail bone in a similar situation. He was out of commission for a while but it would never occur to me to hold the other kids' parents responsible. Your dd put her friend down immediately, and it just happened the girl fell and got hurt. It happens.

 

I think your ideas for a lounging suit, or a nice, tweeny-girl gift basket wth a book, music, lounge suit, snacks...I don't know...I think that's more than enough to show how much you care.

[Pretty in Pink]

It was an accident. I think any sort of gesture would be kind and much appreciated. Perhaps your daughter could pick out or make a get well card for her, along with a batch of cookies or something. I think a book or similar gift would be very kind as well.

 

The suggestion of a gift card to cover transportation expenses is very thoughtful.

 

It sounds like both families are handling the situation with grace and tact. :grouphug:

[Wheres Toto]

Denise,

 

I just wanted to jump in on the "picking up" thing since I think a couple people are being a bit harsh. I see this behavior ALL the time at DD's dance studio and I've seen it from kids as young as 5 and as old as late teens. I don't understand WHY they do it. I don't remember doing this when I was a kid. Accidents happens. You addressed it with your DD, and if she's feeling remorseful it is doubtful that it will ever happen again.

:iagree:

My oldest does this kind of thing all the time - at dance, at cheerleading, at school. I think it almost makes sense at dance and cheer since as part of their routines they pick each other up. So when they are relaxed and goofing off, they pick each other up trying decide who can pick up who, who can't, etc. My dd is big (5'7" and about 145) so she's not getting picked up very often, she's the picker-upper. Occasionally, accidents do happen (dd has kicked a friend in the face and been kicked in the face, had her booKs stepped on, etc.) but as long as they ARE accidents, there is no sense in going overboard.

 

I think the idea of an apology and a small gift for the girl is a good one. A gas card for the mom (to help cover the expense of going to these doctor's appointments) is a good one also. Both are relevant to the injury/consequences without being excessive. I think it would be appropriate for your dd to help pay for both by doing extra chores, etc. just to reinforce the idea that the behaviour is not acceptable.

[myfunnybunch]

It was an accident. I think any sort of gesture would be kind and much appreciated. Perhaps your daughter could pick out or make a get well card for her, along with a batch of cookies or something. I think a book or similar gift would be very kind as well.

 

The suggestion of a gift card to cover transportation expenses is very thoughtful.

 

It sounds like both families are handling the situation with grace and tact. :grouphug:

 

I agree. Kids pick each other up sometimes when they play. I see it often in groups of kids of all ages. You addressed that with your dd, and your dd has learned. Accidents happen.

 

It sounds like the other family understands this as well, and you're on the same page. It's thoughtful and gracious of you to make amends.

 

:grouphug:

 

Cat

[BeckyFL]

So very sorry. Just thinking from a kids point of view, I think the idea about the DS game is a great one (and cookies are never a bad thing either). I think it's so nice for the other mom to know how sorry you are. It's good that you are feeling so apologetic BUT please don't beat yourself up for too long. There is nothing to be accomplished with that at all. All kids do "kid stuff". I fell off the shoulders of my cousin who was like a big brother to me. I knew that he loved me and I knew he didn't mean to hurt me. How many kids have been hurt playing or wrestling or with sports, etc? It's something you never want to happen, but it IS something that frequently DOES happen.

[Mejane]

I just wanted to jump in on the "picking up" thing since I think a couple people are being a bit harsh. I see this behavior ALL the time at DD's dance studio and I've seen it from kids as young as 5 and as old as late teens. I don't understand WHY they do it.

 

They do it because they're kids who don't think anything bad can happen. At least, that's why my two idiots do it to each other, and you can see they are 14 and 17. All the dancers at their school do it as well. My son will pick me up sometimes. :glare:

Edited November 19, 2010 by Mejane

[NorthwestMom]

I just want to say that I don't think it's that unusual or awful for kids to pick each other up. It's not desirable, but it's not uncommon amongst this age group either. I think the suggestions you've been given are awesome. I sure wouldn't come down hard on your daughter - she had no idea what was going to happen, and she's learned her lesson.

[mazakaal]

I haven't read all the other responses, so maybe this has already been mentioned, but what about an iTunes gift card for the girl in addition to the apology? If she's a couple of years older than your 12yo then I'm assuming 14yo? I know my 14yo ds has loved getting an iTunes gift card on a couple of occasions. I think it's really nice that you're wanting to do something nice for the girl.

 

I can totally see how that kind of an accident could happen. My 8yo dd has a thing for picking up her friends as well. I'll have to put a stop to that now. I never really thought of it as a dangerous behavior before as it's never been a problem. I mean, it's always done with full consent from the friend. Usually they'll try and pick each other up, taking turns. No more of that now I guess.

[2cents]

That's too bad that happened! I guess I wouldn't want to because money is so tight, but I would feel I needed to offer to pay for the medical expenses associated with the injury.

 

Lisa

 

I've seen the picking up thing a lot too. It is very common and accidents do happen. I think that offering to help with the medical would be a nice gesture and probably the most economically helpful. If they don't accept that, then I think the video game or something helpful like some meals might be nice. Don't beat yourself up over this. It could have been worse. :grouphug:

[phathui5]

It sounds like you've handled it well, Denise. You offered to pay their expenses and although they didn't have any, I'm sure your offer showed the other mom that you wouldn't have made them deal with it on their own.

 

For your dd, it was just an accident. It's a thing that kids do all the time and I think that an apology would be enough.

[Heather in AL]

I completely disagree with the concept that Denise should punish her dd for picking up the girl. It was an accident, for crying out loud!

 

These girls are friends, and were kidding around, and something bad happened. Period. They weren't in the middle of a fistfight. Denise's dd wasn't brandishing a gun. She jokingly picked up the other girl and accidentally dropped her.

 

Ok, so Denise's dd has now learned a lesson about how she shouldn't pick up other kids. And I'm sure she learned the lesson, as it's clear that she is very remorseful. Denise has done all the right things by offering to pay for the girl's medical expenses, and the other mom isn't angry at either Denise or her dd.

 

I think a nice get well gift would be appropriate, but I don't even think it's necessary that Denise's dd be required to pay for it out of her own money. If she'd done something malicious, I would feel entirely differently about all of this, but it was truly an unfortunate accident, and because she was sorry about what happened, I don't see this as being a punishable offense.

 

The poor girl is a good kid who did something silly and goofy, and her friend was injured as a result. She has learned that she needs to think about the consequences of her actions, and that even when you are just kidding around, something bad can happen if you're not careful. She's sorry, no one is angry, and Denise has done the right thing by offering to pay for the girl's medical expenses. I think some people are blowing the whole incident out of proportion.

 

Cat

 

I was reading all the replies before adding mine, but decided to just say :iagree::iagree: with what Cat wrote. It was basically what I was going to write.

 

It was an accident. Nothing more. Kids goof. Sometimes they get hurt. I don't believe punishment is appropriate here. Denise's dd already feels very bad. That's more than enough to drive a lesson home.

 

My ds 15 and his friends are always goofing around and I'm afraid someone or something will get broken. This is just what they do. I agree with a pp (Wendy?) that it's like watching a bunch of monkeys.

 

Denise :grouphug: to you and your dd.

[Dmmetler]

First of all, hugs to you and to your DD-she didn't mean to hurt her friend, and she's probably really hurting now. I think others have had good suggestions.

 

Second, this isn't all that unusual. My first year of teaching, two 6th grade boys who took gymnastics together were fooling around on the playground, and one picked the other up to try some sort of tumbling move. He ended up dropping his friend, and the friend ended up breaking a bone in his neck and in a halo for the next several months while the bone healed. Luckily, no spinal cord damage. It wasn't kids being malicious or trying to hurt each other-but still had major consequences.

[Tree House Academy]

I hate to say it - but I agree. Most insurance won't touch a chiropractor. If they were well off or doing fine financially - I don't know that you would be obligated quite so much - but at this point, it is appropriate.

 

I would wait and see - offer to pay what is not covered. However, my insurance absolutely DOES pay for chiro and my co-pay is really low. My chiropractor also works with those who do not have insurance and charges them a flat $30 per visit!

 

I do have to say, though, if this is a broken tailbone issue, chiropractic will not help. I have broken my tailbone and all that helped was time and a doughnut ring to sit on!