Families, Christmas, dogs, and commitments

[Hedgehog]

Writing in nervousness.. I am hoping the Hive can help me through a family problem, without any flames. And I'm sorry if this is a bit long. I would be so grateful of some help here.

 

Christmas is quite a big thing in our family. We don't eat and drink lots, or spend oodles of money on presents, but it's important because it's seen by my family as the time to be together. My eldest sister takes turns having Christmas with our family and her in-laws. My middle sister, whose dh is Russian and doesn't care about Christmas anyway (secular Russians only celebrate New Year) spend every Christmas with my parents. Dh struggles greatly with my family and we decided some years ago to alternate Christmases, one with my extended family and one just us at home. My parents and middle sister weren't at all happy about that, but with my eldest doing the same for different reasons they've kind of accepted it. They would certainly have plenty to say about us not making a family Christmas.

 

In June of this year, we acquired a dog; a 9yo rough coat GSD: fluffy, friendly, a little unsteady on her pins already (GSDs are prone to hip and elbow dysplacia (sp?) ) but very loving and lovable. She's settled right in with us now and is very loyal. To my shock, when my family discovered we'd adopted a dog, especially a GSD, they unanimously went ballistic at me. I had no idea they were so against dogs; I guess the subject had just never come up. I was told, amongst other things, that my children would be seriously injured or killed in short order; that I had put my neighborhood at risk; that because the police used GSDs they were therefore vicious; that every rescue dog was unpredictable and unstable; and that I had cut myself off from my family as none of them would ever meet her. We offered to tie her up in the back yard with a muzzle on, but still they would not come anywhere near my house. :confused: I'm glad to say that after much dialogue, my parents EVENTUALLY came around and visited us to meet her. She was fine. Of course. But my sisters still won't come anywhere near her.

 

So this is the problem. We have this prior commitment to spend Christmas - at least Christmas Day - with my family. I have tried to find someone to look after our dog, but no-one can do it (not surprisingly, really). She cannot be left alone all day, while we visit with my family, who live 4hrs away; she would need to do her business and in any case being an intelligent dog she would get lonely and frustrated, and possibly destructive. Obviously she can't come with us, as my sisters refuse to meet her (and I wouldn't assume to take her to anyone's house anyway). I have thought of asking them if they could come up here and stay in a self-catering place nearby so that at least my dc could be with them during the day, and dh and I could go over for dinner or something, but that means expense (accommodation and travel) and one of my nephews has severe, uncontrolled epilepsy, which makes travelling difficult, although not impossible. (His body doesn't appear to respond to any medication.)

 

Does anyone have any idea of how we manage this? Or should I just give up and tell them it's not happening, which dh would be delighted with, and then deal with the fallout? Believe me, it won't be pretty AT ALL.

 

Help!

[i.love.lucy]

Family is more important that the dog. Sorry. I would find a reputable kennel and kennel her for a couple of days. She will survive fine, be well cared for and you get to keep your family commitments. Maybe while you visit them you can convince them of her wonderfulness!

[Daisy]

If the dog cannot be left outside for the day, I would see about kenneling him for 24 hours.

 

I'm amazed at your family's response though. It seems so extreme.

[Heather in the Kootenays]

We hire students to come over and let our dogs out when we're gone or if we know any responsible young adults who are still living at home, we invite them to stay at our house and enjoy some time on their own while caring for the animals. We also exchange animal sitting duties with neighbours who sometimes travel.

[Caitilin]

Can you afford a kennel for one day/night? Or have you checked the yellow pages for a pet-sitting service? I know that my mother, who has to travel a lot for work, has used both of these options very successfully. :grouphug: to you as you work this out. We have 4 dogs, and traveling logistics can be a nightmare.:glare:

[Mejane]

Are there any professional pet-sitters in your area? They might be willing to work a holiday for some extra money.

[ThatCyndiGirl]

I agree with Lucy. Why can't the dog just stay in a kennel?

[Hedgehog]

Our dog goes to a lovely home-boarding place once or twice a week, where she's very happy, but they don't offer their services on Christmas Day itself. We also have some wonderful friends who look after other people's dogs voluntarily if the family is on holiday, but they are going to be with their daughter at Christmas.

 

There are one or two other places I could ask, and there is a local kennel which is very good (if expensive) so yes that is an option. I guess I'm just a softie for my dog, she hasn't been with us long but she's been long wanted, iykwim, so I am struggling with the idea of just leaving her in a boarding kennels. Silly, I know.

 

ETA: I am realising that our dog is almost as important to us as our dc, and that's why I'm struggling with leaving her behind - and struggling with my sisters being so antagonistic towards her when she hasn't done a thing to either of them. :sad:

Edited October 30, 2010 by Hedgehog

[Mama Geek]

Would it be possible to take the dog with you and tie it to your vehicle while you are visiting? We have often done this with family and friends who aren't fond of dogs and it hasn't been a problem.

[ktgrok]

We have a similar issue. My family likes dogs, but we inherited an extra one from DH's mother, who is in the hospital long term, and it is too much for them for us to bring all the dogs. We can't afford to kennel all of them, and are not sure what we are going to do.

 

I would suggest asking around, particularly your local homeschool group, to see if any of the older teens would like to earn a bit of money to come let the dog out and play with it while you are gone.

[lisabelle]

With Christmas falling on a Saturday, I would either find a petsitter (you have plenty of time to get the person acquainted) for the day or pay for boarding Friday-Monday.

I understand how you feel. I love my dog to pieces. But there is no way I could make relatives feel like my dog is more important than them (even though he is).

It's super hard with a new dog and you feel like you're establishing a relationship with her. I feel for you.

[BeckyFL]

What about the fact that your husband would rather not go? I know it's important to visit family, but Christmas is a special holiday. If it ruins it for your husband (not sure how strongly he feels), I'm wondering if it isn't better to stay home just because of that. Not sure, just contemplating.

[Harriet Vane]

Family is more important that the dog. Sorry. I would find a reputable kennel and kennel her for a couple of days. She will survive fine, be well cared for and you get to keep your family commitments. Maybe while you visit them you can convince them of her wonderfulness!

 

:iagree:

[Gwenhwyfar]

do you WANT to go?

 

i think that's a bit more important to sort out... because i'm kinda getting that maybe you don't.

[2cents]

I'd take her to a kennel. Many kennels nowadays are quite nice. The one we use for our golden is indoor and we have the option of community playtime with the other boarders (supervised). They have activities for the dogs and training sessions to keep them busy too. Our dog has a great time there. It is like a doggie vacation! :) Check around and you can probably find a nice place that you'll feel comfortable with and then you can enjoy your family time with peace of mind.

[Danestress]

My family is totally dog focused. My husband says that all we talk about is food and dogs.

 

But while I think your family is pretty odd in their response to owning a dog, I don't think they are at all weird in not wanting to host one on Christmas. I would never do that to my sisters, even though they love my dog.

 

Kennel the dog. She's a dog. She doesn't know it's Christmas, and she will survive.

[Hedgehog]

do you WANT to go?

 

i think that's a bit more important to sort out... because i'm kinda getting that maybe you don't.

 

What about the fact that your husband would rather not go? I know it's important to visit family, but Christmas is a special holiday. If it ruins it for your husband (not sure how strongly he feels), I'm wondering if it isn't better to stay home just because of that. Not sure, just contemplating.

 

I don't, not because of me but because of dh - my family don't respect him in any way and don't try to hide it, and he just can't be doing with any of them. It hurts to see it from both sides. On the flip-side of that is that they are still my family, I grew up with them and their children are special to me too.

 

Would it be possible to take the dog with you and tie it to your vehicle while you are visiting? We have often done this with family and friends who aren't fond of dogs and it hasn't been a problem.

 

We've done this in the summer, when we've visited a different church, but December here is cold - around 2 C - so even sitting in the car isn't really practical. And then there's the 4hr journey there, and back, to consider.

 

Thanks for everyone else's posts/ideas, I'm sorry I can't respond to all.

[Hedgehog]

Kennel the dog. She's a dog. She doesn't know it's Christmas, and she will survive.

 

I know. I know! My practical self says exactly this!

[kewb]

Since I like any excuse to get out of seeing my dh's family I would tell them we couldn't come because of the dog. A reasonable person would probably get a pet sitter or board the dog overnight.

[Laurie4b]

There are one or two other places I could ask, and there is a local kennel which is very good (if expensive) so yes that is an option. I guess I'm just a softie for my dog, she hasn't been with us long but she's been long wanted, iykwim, so I am struggling with the idea of just leaving her in a boarding kennels. Silly, I know.

 

ETA: I am realising that our dog is almost as important to us as our dc, and that's why I'm struggling with leaving her behind - and struggling with my sisters being so antagonistic towards her when she hasn't done a thing to either of them. :sad:

 

It sounds like that last paragraph is the real issue.

 

Here's my experience from the other side of the fence, though I like animals. We live about 6 hours from my mother. It has been about 6 years since my mother has made any effort to visit us--because she got a dog (and already had two cats) 6 years ago.

 

We usually visit her twice a year. We leave our dog in the care of a neighbor when we go because my mother has cats and our dog would think they were prey. But because her pets "are like her children" she won't leave them to come visit us --- I am her child.

 

 

She would be welcome to bring her dog with her. If she didn't get along with our dog, we'd put ours outside. But she won't leave her pets anymore without someone actually in her house the whole time and that is very expensive. (She used to visit maybe once a year or so but would pay a pet-sitter twice a day to check on her cats--this was before she had a dog--which meant that she couldn't afford to visit us much then. That was because of the "like my children" issue. Cats don't need that much pet-sitting. )

 

I did apparently make my mother mad when her dog was a puppy and she reacted as if her dog were her child and her child and my child were not getting along. Her puppy was nipping my then 6 year old (who was doing nothing wrong, only trying to pet the dog) and she was scolding my 6 year old son for moving his hand away from the dog (ie was blaming him for being nipped because after he was nipped once, he started pulling his hand away fast if he thought the dog was going to bite him. The pup would lunge for his hand, but I'm not really sure which happened first. At any rate, my mother was making no attempt to train her "child" not to nip.) I took the dog's muzzle in my hand a couple times and said, "No!" My discipline of "her child" to protect my own was not well received by my mother. Having my child nipped (puppy teeth are sharp) and my child blamed was not well-received by me. I think my being irritated with "her baby" actually put a damper on my relationship with my own mother for a while. Sad.

 

As things stand, we usually visit my mother twice a year. It's quite difficult for us because of the work schedule of dh and me. My mother is retired with no schedule but social activities. She even has a friend in the neighborhood who travels to our town several times a year so that my mother has a ride. However, her friend stays "too long" for my mother to be away from her pets.

 

I accept that this is the way my mother is and that she is choosing her pets over her family. They are important to her. I can't do anything about it except keep up our visits. But it hurts. The cats wouldn't even give a rip if she left for a few days. The dog could come with her.

 

I'd encourage you not to anthropomorphize your dog. You treat her well. She'll be fine a day without you. Your sisters don't like dogs--so what? If they love you, that's more important.

Edited October 30, 2010 by Laurie4b

[Hockey Mom]

The good news is that you have almost two months to get your dog used to being crated/kenneled.

 

If it were me, I would clear out a bathroom, and start getting the dog to go into the bathroom whenever you leave the house. Put his water in there with him, his favorite toy (or a kong with peanut butter) leave the light on, and just leave.

 

You're only going to be gone a day. The dog will survive.

[celticmom]

Another idea would be for your dh to stay home with the dog. Based on your earlier comments about friction between your family and him it might give him an excuse to not go to an event he might prefer to skip anyway. Then you and dc could leave your family's earlier than otherwise to spend a little time with dh. I totally understand about your pet being important to you.

 

Another option would be to give your dog a vacation. Since you said that she might be showing early symptoms of dysplasia, you could try to find a pet therapy place that she could spend a few days at. Our dog( dachshund who blew his back out and is now basically a paraplegic) really enjoyed going to physikcal therapy and the place we used did offer boarding for patients. A place like that would probably not do therapy on Christmas day but she would enjoy it on the other days that she was there. The downside is that this would probably be somewhat expensive.

[pbjmeyer]

I have a rescue dog also, and when I first needed to leave him for a few days I interviewed 3 kennels nearby and visited them, talked to the owners, and saw the setup. Most of them have private 'rooms' for the dogs to rest in heat or a/c, and a chain fence running area about 20 feet long extending from that room. They allow the dog to run and bark at other dogs safely. The kennel I finally decided on also provided a 'private play time' or 'long walk' if I wanted to pay a few dollars extra per day. The owner was such an obvious dog lover, too!

 

So, after doing this once with our dog, the next time I took him there he got very excited when going in the driveway to the kennel. I knew they had taken good care of him and he had good memories of it. I believe you will find it is a very safe way to leave your dog. But check with the kennel's vaccination requirements to make sure all the shots are up to date. They will need documentation from your vet.

 

Hope this will ease your mind about boarding...

 

Joyce

[Trish]

Would it be possible to take the dog with you and tie it to your vehicle while you are visiting? We have often done this with family and friends who aren't fond of dogs and it hasn't been a problem.

 

The Vacation Movie!

 

Just had to throw that in there. I'd kennel.

[Mama Geek]

The Vacation Movie!

 

 

I haven't seen that maybe they made a movie after us.:lol:

[SonshineLearner]

Our kennel was good for and to the pup :) Seriously, because we "rescued" the dog from the Human Society... he was fine being kenneled. We did need to give him the bordella??? vaccine... and have the other vaccines up to date. I also bought him a cool ball... with a cool handle for his playtime there... and he also got a couple of special bones... (not rawhide :) It was $3.00 extra for a dog walk. Here, that means that I had to pay $18 a day.

 

As a side note, not sure when it's true... but a long time ago... my friends had a dog that the breeder was going to kill. They took it.... and just did a huge amount of swimming with it... and it ended up building up it's hips and other stuff... Just a thought :) Don't know if you have any place you can do that....

 

Also, just as a thought... I would make sure to feed it a grain free food... so it doesn't grow too quickly... (I think I read that you said it was a pup) Just a thought :)

[Kate CA]

I'd encourage you not to anthropomorphize your dog. You treat her well. She'll be fine a day without you. Your sisters don't like dogs--so what? If they love you, that's more important.

 

Yes, this exactly. 100% agree.

[Carol in Cal.]

Call your vet and ask for help.

We used to have a cat that was ill and needed medication every day.

We hired one of the vet's assistants to come over twice a day and feed and play with her. We gave her written authorization for necessary medical care.

When we returned, the cat was happy and the house was in great shape.

It was about the same price as staying at the vet would have been, and a far better arrangement.

 

Or, contact a local non-Christian faith center and ask to hire someone who does not celebrate Christmas.

[Pink Fairy]

I don't, not because of me but because of dh - my family don't respect him in any way and don't try to hide it, and he just can't be doing with any of them.

 

I know you weren't asking, but to me this is a much bigger issue than what to do about the dog. I wouldn't go because of THIS, and I'd be very direct about it.

[JVA]

I know you weren't asking, but to me this is a much bigger issue than what to do about the dog. I wouldn't go because of THIS, and I'd be very direct about it.

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Yes, they are your family but if they couldn't treat my dh properly, we wouldn't be coming. It sounds like this has been the pattern for a long time. It's not easy to draw a line, but what example/message are you giving your husband and children?

[Chris in VA]

I'm a pet sitter. There are plenty of us who work Christmas Day. It's expensive, but nice for the dog, because the dog doesn't have to have the stress of leaving the home (most dogs can handle it, but for some, being home is better). I would NEVER leave a dog in the bathroom for an entire day and night.

The pet sitter can come twice or three times, or even stay overnight in your home for you. Find a place that is bonded and insured.

If you lived close by, I'd do it for you! :001_smile:

[celticmom]

 

As a side note, not sure when it's true... but a long time ago... my friends had a dog that the breeder was going to kill. They took it.... and just did a huge amount of swimming with it... and it ended up building up it's hips and other stuff... Just a thought :) Don't know if you have any place you can do that....

 

Also, just as a thought... I would make sure to feed it a grain free food... so it doesn't grow too quickly... (I think I read that you said it was a pup) Just a thought :)

 

The physical therapy that our dog had involved walking on an underwater treadmill. The water supports their weight and also adds resistance to help build muscular strength.

[LauraGB]

Another idea would be for your dh to stay home with the dog. Based on your earlier comments about friction between your family and him it might give him an excuse to not go to an event he might prefer to skip anyway. Then you and dc could leave your family's earlier than otherwise to spend a little time with dh. I totally understand about your pet being important to you.

 

 

 

:iagree: I would have no problem with this, myself. In fact, if I were your dh, I might request it, respecting your need to be with your family. I've stayed home from some of dh's family holiday functions because I just didn't want to go (not because we don't get along or anything), and I always had a sort of legitimate reason, but I always supported him taking the kids.

Edited October 31, 2010 by LauraGB

[lionfamily1999]

Could dh stay home?

[Laurie]

 

In June of this year, we acquired a dog; a 9yo rough coat GSD: fluffy, friendly, a little unsteady on her pins already (GSDs are prone to hip and elbow dysplacia (sp?) ) but very loving and lovable. She's settled right in with us now and is very loyal.

!

 

What's wrong with this picture: Your dog is loving and loyal. Your husband must be incredibly loving and loyal to you for putting up with the way your family treats him...especially if he has to drive 4 hours for the pleasure of their company. And you worry that it won't be pretty if you don't go for the visit? It already sounds ugly.

 

It seems obvious to me...who deserves your love and loyalty? Forget the schedule and give your husband a bonus Christmas at home. He deserves it. And now he doesn't even have to cough up the money to pay for a kennel.

[KidsHappen]

I am having a similar problem. I have two dogs and while they will be going with us to my dd's house, they can not go with us to the Great Wolf Lodge on the 23rd so I have to find a kennel either near my dd's house or near the Lodge. I don't have any family members that can watch them because they are all going with us. :confused: A pet friendly lodge would be perfect for us. We will be taking the dogs crates with us and we could crate them when we were not in the room. Unfortunately, pet friendly places are hard to come by.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't, not because of me but because of dh - my family don't respect him in any way and don't try to hide it, and he just can't be doing with any of them. It hurts to see it from both sides. On the flip-side of that is that they are still my family, I grew up with them and their children are special to me too.

 

 

 

 

I would be VERY intolerant of this behavior. Your husband has to come before your family. If they can't respect him, why should he be subjected to bad treatment? It's not good for the kids to see, either.

 

Your family is being VERY unfair to YOU. This is your husband and like him or not, they should behave as adults and treat him respectfully.

 

My bil is a slimeball and doesn't treat my sister well AT ALL. I dreaded holidays with him and hated him in my house. BUT, I never, ever disrespected him. It's bad behavior to do so, and it's bad for your kids to see that both you and your husband allow it.

 

Sorry........ I just think it's wrong.

[Denisemomof4]

I'm putting my nose where it doesn't belong but I think it would be sending a horrible message to your husband if you left him to spend Christmas at home alone so you could go be with your family, the people who treat him disrespectfully. I also think this would be a horrible message for your kids.

 

Sorry, that's my opinion...... that I probably should leave to myself.

 

I need to go to bed and not get myself into trouble.:closedeyes:

 

ETA: I agree that you should hire someone or put your dog in a kennel when you'll have a day away. We do it all the time.

[kalanamak]

I don't, not because of me but because of dh - my family don't respect him in any way and don't try to hide it, and he just can't be doing with any of them.

 

Thanks for everyone else's posts/ideas, I'm sorry I can't respond to all.

 

Personally, I'd leave dog and hubby at home. Neither of them deserve what they get from your family. And about refusing to come to a house with the dog muzzled in back....I hate to tell you, but that is WEIRD. They are either abnormal or controlling.

 

Life is too short to put up with terrible manners. ILs may not "love" someone, but they can be civil or just get skipped.

 

Poor hubby. Just remind him the best revenge is living well.

 

:grouphug:

[jujsky]

I think your family had a completely unreasonable response to your dog. We also have a GSD and a GSD mix, and the full GSD is the sweetest dog you'd ever want to meet. Several of our friends also have GSDs. If they read anything about them they would realize that they are EXCELLENT family dogs -- loving, loyal, protective, and great with kids. Our mix isn't great with anyone outside our family, but we got him as a full-grown dog and I don't believe he was socialized well while he was a puppy.

 

As far as Christmas goes, I would board your dog if you can. There are also some pet-sitting services that will come to your house and let your dog out for you. You made the commitment and you should go if possible. I don't think it's really fair to expect your family (especially your sister with the child with epilepsy) to travel and incur an expense they weren't expecting. Christmas is still 2 months away so you will probably be able to find some type of boarding facility. Vets sometimes board animals as well.

 

Holiday travel and pets is always a tough combination. I hope you find a workable solution and I hope your sisters eventually come to realize how wonderful and sweet GSDs are!

 

Edited to add: I just read about how they treat your poor hubby. Yeah -- I agree with the others. Leave your husband at home with the dog and just take the kids. Your husband will probably enjoy the time with the dog more than his time with your family. In the future maybe you can arrange it so your extended family gets together on a day near Christmas and you can quietly celebrate at home with your immediate family.

Edited October 31, 2010 by jujsky

[Liz CA]

If your family cannot respect your dh I can understand that you do not want to go. I would probably stay home and have a nice Christmas, dog and all.

 

As far as the fallout goes, they are 4 hours away and you are all adults. You don't need their approval - you are also an adult with a family. You and your family make their own decisions.

By all means, invite them if you like - if they don't come, it's not your fault. It is also not your fault if they flip out and behave un-adultlike.

 

 

[Gwenhwyfar]

the bit about the way your family treats your husband - that's a much bigger problem that your dog.

 

i think it's time for a NEW family tradition ~ you, your husband, your kids, and your pup... at home, where everyone is treated with love & respect. ;)

[Gwenhwyfar]

I'm putting my nose where it doesn't belong but I think it would be sending a horrible message to your husband if you left him to spend Christmas at home alone so you could go be with your family, the people who treat him disrespectfully. I also think this would be a horrible message for your kids.

 

 

 

 

agreed. don't do this.

 

"i'm sorry honey but the family doesn't like you or the dog so you guys stay here" :001_huh:

[JFSinIL]

You are stuck between a rock and a hard place.

 

If you don't go yourself, your family will think you are choosing your dog over them.

 

If you leave hubby home with the dog, ...you are NOT being with him on Christmas (choosing your family over your hubby!)

 

 

I think your only option is to find a good kennel that is open over Christmas.

[2cents]

Oh boy...I earlier suggested a nice kennel but after reading how disrespectful your family is of your dh I am amending my suggestion. I'd stay home. Just because they are 'family' doesn't mean it is ok. I wouldn't go alone either because that communicates to them that they can manipulate you and your relationship with your dh.

 

Life is too short to create memories that are full of anxiety and hurt. Stay home and make some fun ones. :) :grouphug:

[Hedgehog]

Thanks so much for all your responses. As some of you have rightly pointed out, this issue is so much more than this Christmas - but I hoped for specific help with a specific problem, which I have received with much thanks to you all.

 

I'm not sure whether I can really describe exactly what is going on here with my family and us. It's gone on for so long, there are so many different events and conversations it would be hard to explain it in one post and get an accurate picture across. And if I do, it's probably better done in another thread altogether.

 

So - again - thank you for your thoughts, advice, sympathy, and fellow-experiences. I've welled up several times reading them over and it means a lot to me that you, as people I've never met, have taken the time to think over a situation out of the blue and then write something to help me. My plan of action is to contact some regular boarding kennels in the morning and see if I can find a place for our dog over Christmas.

 

Hedgehog x

[tex-mex]

Family is more important that the dog. Sorry. I would find a reputable kennel and kennel her for a couple of days. She will survive fine, be well cared for and you get to keep your family commitments. Maybe while you visit them you can convince them of her wonderfulness!

:iagree: I would look into a local kennel/pet hotel and be prepared to have the dog be looked after while you visit family. Family comes first.

 

ETA: With the notes about DH not being treated well by OP's family... all I can say is there are times when it just sucks to see family on holidays. Not much you can do to change family -- but talk with hubby. If he wants to go and support you. Wonderful. If not, celebrate at home. Your family will eventually get the message. HTH

Edited October 31, 2010 by tex-mex

[StephanieZ]

I see two choices:

 

1) You cave & find a boarding kennel & board her for the days needed.

 

This would have an advantage in that sometime you'll likely need to board her for a funeral, vacation, etc so you may as well get used to the idea.

 

Major disadvantage is catering to your controlling relatives. Why would you want to do that?

 

2) Stop catering to your wacked out relatives. Just say no. They are being nuts. Move on & have a more sensible & sane life. They'll wander back in when they are feeling more sane, or not.

[RanchGirl]

If the only issue were the dog, I would say find someone to come over for an hour or two during the day to give the dog some love and exercise. Our dog is crate trained so this would work for us. Not something we do very often, but an occasional day of extra naps won't hurt the dog.

 

But as the spouse who is treated poorly by the in-laws, I hope you will seriously consider addressing that problem. I wouldn't go at all if I were you. And be up front about it, don't blame it on the dog.

Edited November 2, 2010 by RanchGirl
typo

[simka2]

I have read all the replies, and I think your plan of action regarding the dog is great!!! ;)

 

I am going to tell you a story about my family. After 10 yrs of marriage, and dh's family treating me the way your family treats him...I told him I was "DONE."

 

I would no longer be spending time with his family, on the Holidays. I let dh decide (with no pressure from me) if he was going to go spend it with his family, or stay with me. What he didn't know was that I was prepared to leave him if had chosen them. It was important for me to "know" he chose to keep our family together on the Holidays.

 

This was after years of negoitiating, on and off Holidays...finally, I was simply done with it.