coarse hair, white mama's, woes & rants

[CalicoKat]

so I spent 4 hours yesterday doing my daughter's hair only to be told to day at co-op it was awful and, "Would you like me to help?" by a well-meaning mama.

 

Sigh, it is a cultural thing I realize, but comments like these still have the ability to completely level me internally even after 11 years of receiving them.

 

I realize my kid's are at a disadvantage having a white woman as their mom.

 

I also realize that no matter what hair style they'd have it wouldn't matter who'd have done it because I'd be there standing next to them.

 

I also feel that my children have received the message from these women who don't pay attention to my children listening in that I am not a good mama because I can't style their hair to salon perfection.

[i.love.lucy]

Wait a minute. Someone actually said...out loud... that your kid's hair was awful? Who does that? Even if it did look bad, don't a lot of kids hair look bad half the time...tangled, greasy, etc?:confused: I can't imagine saying that to someone.

 

So I assume your kids are not white if you are lamenting the fact that they have a white mama. Sounds to me like a woman that spends 4 hours on a kids hair is not a bad mama. :grouphug:

[AuntieM]

Your precious children know who loves them, hugs them, feeds them, washes their clothes, stays up all night with them when they are sick....

 

God put your family together. He knows what your skin color is. And He knows YOU are their best mama. Even if you have trouble with hairstyles.

 

(((old fashioned cyber hugs cuz my phone can't click the icons))))

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

Wait a minute. Someone actually said...out loud... that your kid's hair was awful? Who does that? Even if it did look bad, don't a lot of kids hair look bad half the time...tangled, greasy, etc?:confused: I can't imagine saying that to someone.

 

So I assume your kids are not white if you are lamenting the fact that they have a white mama. Sounds to me like a woman that spends 4 hours on a kids hair is not a bad mama. :grouphug:

 

I'm white...my kids are white...I'll admit it..too often, my dd's hair is AWFUL.

 

This is not your problem. This is someone being R.U.D.E.!

 

Your kids know who loves them. That's all that counts.

[CalicoKat]

I'm thinking more clearly now.

 

I think I'm just going to find a local hair salon for ethnic hair care and just surrender. If I'm not in the equation and the criticism still arrives then I don't have to "wear it."

 

Time for a Mikes.

[Miss Peregrine]

:grouphug:

[anneofalamo]

aw big hugs to you!

we adopted

two indian/mexican girls...the foster momma had their hair in these cool braids and all the rubber bands matched their outfit.

I remember looking at them, going oh no? I have curly short hair....because I am not a girly girl at all!!

I tried to "french braid" their hair, fingers cramped and the results were horrendous!! it was bad...I have pics of them with what they call now, mom tried to crochet our hair!!

I talked these girls of age 4 that loved dora the explorer into cutting their hair!! it was lovely!!

Now fast forward 8 years, they do their own hair...well one does, the other, lets her sister do hers also!!

 

with time this to shall pass ! ♥

[Whereneverever]

:grouphug:

[hsmom3tn]

I think I know how you feel. My children are biracial; and while two of them have curly/wavy hair that is similar to mine, one of my girls has tight, kinky, frizzy curls. I have no idea what to do with her hair. :(

[JudoMom]

so I spent 4 hours yesterday doing my daughter's hair only to be told to day at co-op it was awful and, "Would you like me to help?" by a well-meaning mama.

 

Sigh, it is a cultural thing I realize, but comments like these still have the ability to completely level me internally even after 11 years of receiving them.

 

I realize my kid's are at a disadvantage having a white woman as their mom.

 

I also realize that no matter what hair style they'd have it wouldn't matter who'd have done it because I'd be there standing next to them.

 

I also feel that my children have received the message from these women who don't pay attention to my children listening in that I am not a good mama because I can't style their hair to salon perfection.

 

:grouphug: I probably would've been tempted to offer her help with her manners.

[hsmom3tn]

:grouphug: I probably would've been tempted to offer her help with her manners.

 

:iagree:

[Dobela]

I do understand. I am white, my children are not. My son's hair is relatively easy LOL. He likes it cut low so I take him to his favorite barber about every 6 weeks when it starts curlings and tangling.

 

I was foster mom to an adorable 5 yo girl once and I had no idea how to do her hair. Well, I thought I did. THen she went to preschool and said, "Teacher, do my hair. I think I look funny." :blink::blush: That afternoon those teachers began showing me how to fix her hair. It was not as hard as I thought, but still difficult. Finally, because we were dealing with other behavior issues, I had braids put in and wished I had done it sooner.

 

My dd3 is a whole different story. The day we wash, well, it is like yours. Hours long. White women always look at her hair and are amazed I can do anything with it. Black women sometimes approve, sometimes don't. Sometimes they will look at her head sideways and then ask if I did it. With an "Oh, ok then, you did good." But I can tell it didn't meet standards. I don't care what kind of gel is recommended, I can't get it to work right.

 

I learned a lot by watching YouTube videos. I spend a lot of money at ethnic hair stores on the right products. But while I can do lovely French braids I can't get my fingers to do a straight corn row for nothing in the world. Right now I amblaming it on her being 3 and full of wiggles but I know that won't work forever. I have considered having Princess's hair braided for longevity, but haven't found a salon I like yet. But the day is coming. I have a friend in our same shoes that now happily hands over that $50 every 2 weeks for her dd's hair styling.

 

I learned a lot from a yahoo group called adoptionhair_skincare · Adoption Hair & Skin Care found here .

 

Sites others have sent to me include this one .

 

Hang in there. If you are a Christian, just remember that God made you a family and no matter what, the kids are blessed to have you as their mom.

Edited October 6, 2010 by Dobela
spelling, but I probably still missed some errors LOL

[justamouse]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Mom-2-7]

I can sure relate to this! Three of my 7 kids are black. Two of those are girls. I have to admit that no one has ever been rude enough to say out loud what I'm sure they were thinking! But I have sure caught the looks.

 

I'm starting to get the hang of it now. My cornrows leave a lot to be desired so I leave that to the professionals. I will sometimes have a young woman (student at beauty school) come to my house who will do any style cornrow for $20. Quite a bargain, and I don't have to mess with their hair for about 3 weeks! Check out your local beauty schools and see if they have a student that can do that for you. It's much cheaper than the salons.

 

When they don't have braids, I will often put their hair up in a few ponytails and twist or "doodle" the ends. A few pretty clips in their hair and presto! No more pitying looks at the inept white mama!

 

If you are wanting to learn more, try youtube. They were the source for much of my instruction. Once I got the basics down, I just pay attention to the hairstyles of other little girls I see an then try to duplicate that at home. It's getting harder to find little girls with natural hair though. So many little girls are having their hair straightened. Too bad.

 

Anyway, hang in there. Parenting is about so much more than hair! I've been the object of much prejudice since we adopted. I'm trying to be the duck and let it roll off.

:grouphug:

[Garga]

I've been the object of much prejudice since we adopted.

 

 

When I read that I felt very sad for you. :grouphug:

[Mom-2-7]

When I read that I felt very sad for you. :grouphug:

 

It's ok though. It really opened my eyes to an aspect of culture (both white and black) that I didn't realize still existed.

At some point, my kids will experience it and if I've never felt it myself, I think I would be tempted to downplay the emotional impact. Now, I know better. I think it's made me a better parent.

[Pippen]

so I spent 4 hours yesterday doing my daughter's hair...

 

Stop right there. You're my hero. I can hardly make it ten minutes. :Angel_anim:

[Audrey]

I have a good friend who adopted an African girl with very coarse, tightly curled hair. She had no clue what to do with her hair. Out here, in the country, there was no one who knew how to style black hair, so she went in to the City and found a salon that did black hair all the time. She had called ahead, of course, and explained her situation. Those ladies spent half of the day giving her daughter extra special attention, and at the same time, teaching her white mother how to treat the little girl's hair. They were so wonderful! My friend takes her daughter into the City about twice a year now, just for the fun of the experience, but also to refresh her haircare skills and get up to date on the latest styles.

 

I'll bet if you looked around, you have some similarly wonderful ladies in your area, too. :001_smile:

[Laurie4b]

I typed out a long response before but it seems to have diappeared. Hope this isn't a double post!

 

We had an AA foster dd who had the most incredibly difficult hair and I *did* take her to an AA hairdresser. But I got lots of offers to help.

 

As for the bluntness of the feedback that you are getting from AA women, it's much more normative in that cultural niche than in most white cultural settings to just "tell it like it is." So within their context, it is not likely rude.

 

I would encourage you, though, to take their feedback, and bite the bullet and take your dd to an AA hairdresser. When they become teens, there can be crushing peer pressure on AA kids being raised by white parents from other AA kids about being "white", living with white people, etc, etc. You want as little fuel on that fire as possible. I have seen it estrange kids from their parents and sibligns and it takes years to rebuild and sometimes doesn't get rebuilt.

 

One of my AA friends and I were talking about hairstyles the other day. There are a lot of biracial couples in our church and cross-racial adoption of various kinds. She was saying parents should avoid a new thing called "forever locks" or something like that. Supposedly, they last forever, which is attractive, but in fact the only way to get rid of them should you dd want to change styles is to cut it to about 1/2 inch. Not so fun for an older girl. The other new thing which she did recommend is some kind of twist. Don't know the name, but the hair is twisted instead of braided. It takes less time to do than braids, lasts as long as braids, and is very pretty.

[Teachin'Mine]

You're an awesome mom CalicoCat!!!

 

Their approach was terrible, but their intentions were probably very good. Why not give them a call, or talk to them next time you see them, and ask if their offer for help is still good. You can have them over and have a salon day at your home. If you have a video camera you can be able to watch it when you try it on your own. :)

[CalicoKat]

thanks for your words of encouragement.

 

I'm chilled out now. DH took me out to dinner while the kiddos were at Awana tonight.

 

I do think that her words and intentions were meant in the best way. She has no idea of the history behind this topic.

 

But I think I'm throwing in the towel on the hair care stuff and I'm going to defer to the experts from now on. I've found a salon locally and tomorrow I'll be making appointments for my three girlies . . . . and then finding a part time job to support it. :001_smile:

[hillfarm]

I'm a white mama with a white dd. However...I have short, curly hair and she has long, straight hair. All of my previous experience with braiding has been with hunter/jumper horses in the show ring. Unless she wants to look like a pony, we have to go to her aunt, the beautician, to get her hair braided nicely. I cannot get all her cowlicks to agree on any one hairstyle at the same time.

 

IMO, every mom who is willing to take the time to try to work with their dc's hair deserves much credit. And anyone uncouth enough to make snide comments about her efforts or results needs a good smack upside their head. Cultural or not, rude or not, children do NOT deserve to be made uncomfortable over something like an unpolished hairstyle and anyone who presumes to do so is just plain mean.

[micheller1]

i'm a white momma with white daughters - who have thick long hair, semi-wavy hair...they also hate to brush it, put it in a pony tail, wash it, clip it, etc, etc. you get my drift.

 

Some days, I really do care about what their hair looks like when we leave the house and other days - not so much. I cannot even imagine spending FOUR hours on my child's hair. So props to you, momma!!!

 

I probably would have said something like "by awful - you mean awesome right???" Some people have no filter between their mouths and their brains.

 

:grouphug: for you!!

[Kimber]

You are wonderful mother.

[cjbeach]

I'm so sorry someone was brash like that, yikes. But yeah, it's a cultural thing. My black girlfriends really struggle with their hair. Their hair gets done, period, because coarse hair is HARD to do. It's a lot of work. It needs a lot of moisture added to it.

I do some hairstyles for my dd from little girl hair blogs. I'd google a few little girl hairblogs. This one has a few hairstyles for coarse hair on it.

http://www.princesshairstyles.com/

 

This blog looks like one that would fit your needs though. http://www.happygirlhair.com/

 

My friend swears by Deva Curl products for her hair.

ETA, for the well-meaning momma who asked if you would like help, I'd ask what products she would recommend. Hairstyles you can figure out on your own but without asking I wouldn't know what to use on her hair and how to care for it.

Edited October 7, 2010 by cjbeach

[Paintedlady]

I totally get it. My dd is bi-racial and since day one, black women will stop me and ask why I don't have her done properly. Women at church or aquaintances I know casually will offer to do her hair. It's not like I don't try, but no matter what I do the black women get on me. It's hard.

[CalicoKat]

groan.

 

I called to make their appointments and the receptionist was really unkind.

 

I called to schedule appointments for two girls, 11, and 3 to get their hair braided.

 

I asked how much each appointment might cost.

 

"It depends on how matted their hair is right now." :glare:

 

 

Yes, for my daughters I will be gracious, polite, yada yada. . . .

 

I'm really hoping this salon lives up to the recommendations I've received from other white moms.

 

At least they should have pretty hair for their school pictures on Wednesday.

 

My other daughter is getting her hair done by the lady who declared it, "awful" yesterday. She's doing it for free and that's a good thing because there won't be any groceries if I have to pay for all three this month. I'll have to start staggering these appointments.

[Mona100]

My daughter is 14 and biracial. I have had issues with her hair also. Back a couple of years ago we started going to an AA salon for it to be straightened and she hated the experience plus it costs 80 dollars a month. Something I really don't have. Also, it is not the friendliest place for a white woman with a biracial child. She decided on her own to go natural and her perm has grown out and we get it cut at a HeadStart every couple of months. She loves it. It is short and curly.

 

I have always had comments about her hair from day one from every one. Now, since it is so short now it does not frizz up at all. We also use lotion on her hair so it doesn't frizz up as much and it stays moisturized. Just stay strong momma. Believe me, I have had days of 4+ hours of working on her hair.

[Dobela]

groan.

 

I called to make their appointments and the receptionist was really unkind.

 

I called to schedule appointments for two girls, 11, and 3 to get their hair braided.

 

I asked how much each appointment might cost.

 

"It depends on how matted their hair is right now." :glare:

 

 

Yes, for my daughters I will be gracious, polite, yada yada. . . .

 

I'm really hoping this salon lives up to the recommendations I've received from other white moms.

 

At least they should have pretty hair for their school pictures on Wednesday.

 

My other daughter is getting her hair done by the lady who declared it, "awful" yesterday. She's doing it for free and that's a good thing because there won't be any groceries if I have to pay for all three this month. I'll have to start staggering these appointments.

Ask the lady who will be doing your dd's hair if she can recommend a salon - or if she knows someone who does it in their home - that would be more accepting of you as a white parent. That is how I fund my son's barber. They know who will be kind and who won't.

 

Moisture is a huge deal. As you have probably learned by now, their hair gets drier each day - not oilier like ours. Without enough lotions and oils the hair is more brittle and breaks easily. As my dd ages I have had to change products as her hair changed.

[Dobela]

My daughter is 14 and biracial. I have had issues with her hair also. Back a couple of years ago we started going to an AA salon for it to be straightened and she hated the experience plus it costs 80 dollars a month. Something I really don't have. Also, it is not the friendliest place for a white woman with a biracial child. She decided on her own to go natural and her perm has grown out and we get it cut at a HeadStart every couple of months. She loves it. It is short and curly.

 

I have always had comments about her hair from day one from every one. Now, since it is so short now it does not frizz up at all. We also use lotion on her hair so it doesn't frizz up as much and it stays moisturized. Just stay strong momma. Believe me, I have had days of 4+ hours of working on her hair.

So far almost every black woman I know has told me leave dd's hair natural. Apparently there is a move towards that in the community.

[Mommyfaithe]

I'm thinking more clearly now.

 

I think I'm just going to find a local hair salon for ethnic hair care and just surrender. If I'm not in the equation and the criticism still arrives then I don't have to "wear it."

 

Time for a Mikes.

 

welp...if it helps...I am white, my daughters and soins are white and me and 3 of the kiddoes have very course/ thick, curly hair. Mine is dark, 1 ds and 1 dd are red and 1 is platinum blone. The boy is easy....keep it short...but us girls...OY!!!

 

 

When I was a kid, my Mom basically plastered it down on 2 sides with a big metal barrette and the rest poofed out on either side. IT WAS AWFUL! She had lots of people ask if there was anything she could do with my hair. It is still a sore point with us...

 

My girls...I keep it on the longer side, so we can braid it. I bought a book on all kinds of different braids...so I learned to do french braids and corn rows etc. My girls always looked pretty because I HAD to keep up on their hair.

 

My oldest (now 24) goes to a salon that specializes in ethic hair. (I call it Old Testament hair :D) They have so many products now to make taking care of coarse/ curly hair. She looks gorgeous! People would pay a fortune to get hair like that!

 

My younger dd (12) keeps hers in long braids. I bring her to an ethnic haircutter in the city and get hers thinned out and trimmed every swim season...but make sure we can keep her braids.

 

The fun thing is we can get all kinds of hair accessories...all kids of bows, clips, pony tail holders etc. I try to make them feel beautiful as much as I can.

 

I am going to give that other Mom the benefit of the doubt and just TRY to think she was trying to be helpful...and I hope your beautiful kids were out of ear shot.

 

Take them to the salon and dote on their beauty just a bit. Hug them for me too!!!

 

And don't kick yourself...you love them enough to find out how to do their hair so they can feel good about themselves. That in itself speaks volumes to me. Good luck! Make sure you take before and after photos....and ask the hairdresser for tips and which products to use. The "product" makes all the difference.

 

Blessings,

Faithe

[KrissiK]

I'm sorry you're going through this. My cousin (also white, who adopted a couple of AA girls) said the best $75 she ever spent per month was getting the girls' hair done at a salon. My bi-racial child is a boy, fortunately for me, so we just keep his hair cropped short (a look that suits him) and we're good.

[CalicoKat]

So far almost every black woman I know has told me leave dd's hair natural. Apparently there is a move towards that in the community.

 

Yes! But they're pretty particular and opinionated about that too.

[Farrar]

CalicoKat, I have no expertise to offer, but I wondered if you had read this article from the magazine Brain,Child? It's about this EXACT topic. It was an interesting enough article that I remembered it two years later apparently. I was glad to see it was online so I could post it here for you in case you were interested.

[MamaT]

This sounds so familiar to me! I am white and have one AA and one bi-racial daughter. I have heard the "let me help you, honey" more times than I can count.

 

Finally, about 7 years ago, a friend of mine who is AA offered to do their hair at her house twice a month on Saturdays. It was really kind of her as she works 9 to 5 five days a week and I know she is giving up a few hours every other week for me.

 

It works for us to have her braid it. It stays for the two weeks and going natural just wouldn't work at dance and gymnastics.

 

A funny: One time when they were small, I was staring at the myriad of ethnic hair products in the aisle of Wal-Mart. I admit I was confused. A very nice black lady came up and was trying to help me out. Soon another lady came up and joined in. In about 10 minutes they were LOUDLY arguing over what I should buy for my girls' hair! I realized their ideas about what to do with hair is just as varied as us white girls.

[lisamarie]

My oldest (now 24) goes to a salon that specializes in ethic hair. (I call it Old Testament hair :D) They have so many products now to make taking care of coarse/ curly hair. She looks gorgeous! People would pay a fortune to get hair like that!

 

What products does she use on her hair? I have "Old Testament" hair myself and would LOVE something that would make it less frizzy, coarse, curly.

 

 

I agree that even blond haired, blue eyed kids can have hair that just doesn't do anything. My 2 styles in this house are half ponytails and full ponytails. DD5 has the thickest hair ever and I just can't get it to do a darn thing. A ponytail holder barely contains it. DD3 has wavy, very fine hair that slips out of any attempt of a braid. I've come to terms with the fact that my girls are not going to be fashion plates at this stage of their lives. And in 20 years they will look back on pictures of themselves and blame me for all their woes because their hair was so horrible when they were kids.

[stripe]

CalicoKat, I have no expertise to offer, but I wondered if you had read this article from the magazine Brain,Child? It's about this EXACT topic. It was an interesting enough article that I remembered it two years later apparently. I was glad to see it was online so I could post it here for you in case you were interested.

I was just going to go looking for this article!

[SonshineLearner]

Well, I'm pretty white :) BUT, I've lived around enough people who were black, that I know there are tricks... and not every black mama can do hair well! SO, take some hints from those mamas who CAN do hair... and maybe you'll feel better... after they help. Sometimes, where I lived ... at least... different groups of people... talk differently than you do... without meaning to be rude. The see a little girl that they could do the hairstyle... and they wanna help.

PERHAPS... they MIGHT be trying to be nice. Whether you're good at hair or not... it takes a while... so if they don't really wanna help... then they won't offer too many more times if you let 'em :)

I had long long blond hair... and wanted those tiny braids with animal barrettes when I was little... and it was really fine hair... my mom never did say yes...

 

:) Good Luck!!

[cjbeach]

I think even in the black community there are some mamas who are the ones to do EVERYONE's hair. I'd pick the brain of the mama you spoke to.

 

I grew up in Philly and vividly remember the smell of the straightening irons on radiators if someone was doing their hair.

 

I've always been obsessed with my weight. A black friend of mine told me once, half-jokingly, that black girls obsess about their hair the way that white girls obsess about their weight.

 

You may want to take a trip to Sally's or an African American beauty supply store and look around, ask around in there. You definitely need to pick up something for moisture. The one hair blog I linked earlier has a lot of good info about moisture in it.

[nova mama]

:grouphug:

 

Well, I'm black and my daughters still have crazy looking hair sometimes. :lol: It just takes. so. long!!!

[Jeanine in TX]

I am also African-American. My daughter has a lot of hair.

 

The previous posters are not exaggerating. Hair is a big issue within the African-American community. I appreciate the fact that you are trying your best. We all are. :001_smile:

 

For moisture, I would suggest using organic coconut oil. It can be used daily without leaving the hair feeling greasy. If your daughter has a dry scalp, consider using Kiti-Kiti pomade. It is only for the scalp, not the hair. It works wonders. Kinky-Curly is a fabulous gel.

 

Neither my daughter, nor I have a relaxer. Either I corn row her hair, or I use a pressing comb for manageability. Her hair is not very coarse, but the curls tend to tangle easily.

 

We use a plug-in electric pressing comb. It's more convenient. The key is to check to make sure that it is not too hot. Place the hot pressing comb on a white paper towel. It should not leave a brown mark. If it does, the iron is too hot, and you will damage your daughter's hair. Let it cool. Wipe the iron with another paper towel before and after each use.

 

An alternative is to use a flat iron. If your daughter has a relaxer, you MUST use it. Pressing combs should only be used in natural hair. Buy a professional iron, like babyliss. (cheaper on Amazon). The flat irons that you buy at Sally's or other local stores, do almost nothing for coarse hair.

 

At night, put her hair in 2-4 buns, or tie a scarf on her head. If I don't, my daughter's hair is so tangled in the morning. Oh, I also let her hair air dry after I wash it. The heat from the blow dryer can also damage African-American hair.

 

Well, I hope this helps.

[Slojo's Homeschool]

Hugs mama! *[i'm a black mom of biracial children (though both boys). I am hairstyle challenged, and wear my own hair in beautiful, natural locs that require -- though I'd not say less -- a different investment than other styles. It's a style I wear because it requires less "outsourcing" to do well while also keeping the hair healthy (a common concern for black women is how to actually keep the hair healthy, while also maintaining a nice style -- some of which take hours to create. Sometimes unkempt hair can signal problems with the health of the hair, and that, may also be an underlying context to some of the comments you have received.)

 

I don't know what the tone of the specific comment was, and I'm really sorry if the tone was hurtful. I would - as it sounds like you are -- figure out what to take of the advice that is helpful to your daughter, and ignore the tone if at all possible.

 

In my experience, black women have a lot of "strong opinions" about hair because our hair choices have been historically so fraught with social meaning in ways that women from other cultures cannot imagine. (I mean there are still two active court cases in which black women were fired because of how their hair was styled - in cornrows in one case, in "very neat" - if I do say so myself - locs, in another. The misunderstandings around these choices literally had economic impacts for these women when probably both of these women were just trying to go for a style that was easy to maintain and as "wash and go" as it gets for black women). And while these may be more extreme cases, they resonate with many black women because so many of us have had our hair negatively judged when we have tried to style it very meticulously. Hair that is perceived as unkempt on top of that can have quite negative consequences. Really.

 

 

If you haven't run into it already, a very good book on the history of black hair is Hair Story: Untangling the Roots of Black Hair in America by Ayana Byrd. It might provide more context.

 

One way to reframe what's going on is to understand where those comments are coming from (not to excuse rudeness, but I do think keeping the context in perspective can be very helpful to you, and ultimately, to your daughter). Most black women have a tacit understanding and knowledge of what can be the very hard realities of navigating beauty, acceptability, perceived approachability, etcetera as it relates to black hair.

 

I do hope you find some supportive allies in working with your daughter's hair and that you have a very positive experience in that journey, particularly as your daughter enters adolescence. The likelihood that she will want to have a lot of knowledge of what she can do with her hair and access to competent hairstylists is high.

 

Best of luck.

[CalicoKat]

I am also African-American. My daughter has a lot of hair.

 

The previous posters are not exaggerating. Hair is a big issue within the African-American community. I appreciate the fact that you are trying your best. We all are. :001_smile:

 

For moisture, I would suggest using organic coconut oil. It can be used daily without leaving the hair feeling greasy. If your daughter has a dry scalp, consider using Kiti-Kiti pomade. It is only for the scalp, not the hair. It works wonders. Kinky-Curly is a fabulous gel.

 

Neither my daughter, nor I have a relaxer. Either I corn row her hair, or I use a pressing comb for manageability. Her hair is not very coarse, but the curls tend to tangle easily.

 

We use a plug-in electric pressing comb. It's more convenient. The key is to check to make sure that it is not too hot. Place the hot pressing comb on a white paper towel. It should not leave a brown mark. If it does, the iron is too hot, and you will damage your daughter's hair. Let it cool. Wipe the iron with another paper towel before and after each use.

 

An alternative is to use a flat iron. If your daughter has a relaxer, you MUST use it. Pressing combs should only be used in natural hair. Buy a professional iron, like babyliss. (cheaper on Amazon). The flat irons that you buy at Sally's or other local stores, do almost nothing for coarse hair.

 

At night, put her hair in 2-4 buns, or tie a scarf on her head. If I don't, my daughter's hair is so tangled in the morning. Oh, I also let her hair air dry after I wash it. The heat from the blow dryer can also damage African-American hair.

 

Well, I hope this helps.

Thanks for the tip on the pressing comb. I have an electric one but I was afraid to burn her hair with it. I will be using your suggestion!

 

We have been using a flat iron. And we've been frustrated since it just doesn't do what we'd like it too.

 

Blow drying . . . . up until a year ago I didn't do this then another well-meaning mama took me under her wing and came to the house to give me a demo on my kid's head and she DID use a blow dryer for straightening. That's worked well for one of my daughter's but not for my other daughter (with the four-hour "awful" hair do I just did). Her hair is very very thick and georgous, but so hard to style because everything has to be teeny tiny or it's just too thick and ropey. She had us putting an special oil for protecting against the heat on her hair before blow drying it. She also showed me how to use the pressing comb, again that oil first and then press & comb.

[Murmer]

I second the adoptionskin_haircare group....they have taught me EVERYTHING I know about doing my dd's hair. Now I can cornrow and braid like a champ. That said there are some days or week when hair just CAN'T be done. I do my best but that's all I can do. I do enjoy when others will do her hair just so that is a week or 2 where I don't have to take hours on it. I also recommend watching Katelynlyn on U-tube... she is AMAZING. If you want to see some of the hairdo's I have done on my little girl go to http://lifewithmurmer.blogspot.com/search/label/Hair

Edited October 8, 2010 by Murmer
fixed name of u-tube hair genius