Would you ever try to select your child's gender?

[wulfbourne]

I have 2 beautiful girls and I love them to death. I know my DH would LOVE a boy, but I don't think we want to try for more than one more. I've been looking at various methods they use to select out different sperm for artificial insemination, but even beyond not being sure I want to pay the money I'm not sure how I feel about the process in general. While part of me would LOVE to try and increase the odds, even just from 50-70%, but another part of me says God ultimately knows best.

 

Would any of you consider trying to use science to 'stack the odds' in your favor?

[Carrie12345]

Personally, I would never consider it for gender specification.

 

As a way to stack the odds against serious physical disabilities... possibly.

As a way to increase success with general fertility issues... probably.

But not for gender purposes.

 

Of course, I say this as a person who had a boy, then a girl. Then another girl and another boy. I have the... luxury, I guess, of having no vested interest in the gender of #5. I can't pretend to know how I would feel if my first 4 were all of the same gender.

[cathmom]

no

[gingersmom]

I would never do anything like that.

 

I always wonder about people who choose to do something like this. Just because you have a boy/girl does not mean they are going to be athletes like mom/dad or like the same things as mom/dad.

 

I have a family member who is 6'3. He had 3 daughters (5'10, 5'9 and one is still young and growing). He has a son who is tiny. Tiny build, tiny since birth. There is no chance he is going to reach even close to 6'3. He is almost completely opposite of his father.

 

I think his father struggled initially that his long awaited son was not a carbon copy of him. But he has come to love him for who he is.

[kokotg]

We have three boys. With my last pregnancy, we made a half-hearted attempt at Shettles, but when I wasn't pregnant after 3 months I got impatient and gave up...so boy #3. So I guess that's about as far as I'll go. My rule has always been that I wouldn't have another baby unless I would be having one even if I already had some of each, if that makes sense. If I ever have a fourth, I'll go into it just assuming it will be another boy.

[OrganicAnn]

I would not.

[cathmom]

I just read the whole OP and realized that you were thinking of AI. I just thought you meant various timing theories or whatever. I most emphatically would not do AI.

[Chris in VA]

No, not anything scientific. But aren't there certain procedures you can do, like douching with vinegar or something, that are said to help make the odds greater of having a certain sex? Positions that allow deeper penetr@tion or something are said to influence which swimmers get to the goal, so to speak.

Do you know what I mean? I still don't think I'd do that, but...

[T'smom]

I wouldn't. However, if I had 5 of one gender, I would be very, very, VERY tempted. It would be really, really hard for me to turn it down if it was right in front of me. I certainly wouldn't think less of anyone who did, because I can imagine how much I would want a girl after 5 boys!!!!! (For what it's worth- we're planning on 4- if we had 4 of one gender, we'd try for a 5th, and if we still had all of the same....well, we probably couldn't afford anymore anyway.

[May]

No, I have two dds and someday if they marry, I will have two wonderful sons. I pray for these yet unnamed sons daily.:001_smile:

[Hockey Mom]

I would have LOVED to have had a girl when I was pg with my last one. I actually cried when I discovered I was having another boy. Turns out that God knows best though. My two boys are a year apart and they are each other's best friend. So, no, knowing what I know now, I would not select differently. Though that's easy for me to say, since my first was a girl.

 

Good luck in your quest for another baby. :)

[Hockey Mom]

No, I have two dds and someday if they marry, I will have two wonderful sons. I pray for these yet unnamed sons daily.:001_smile:

 

What a wonderful way of looking at it! :)

[cdrumm4448]

I wouldn't do AI, but we did do Shettles with our second. We had a boy and we knew we were only having one more child and we really wanted a girl. The first child's sex didn't matter. But we wanted the opposite gender for the second child.

 

Shettles really worked for us. Or it was a huge coincidence.

[wulfbourne]

No, I have two dds and someday if they marry, I will have two wonderful sons. I pray for these yet unnamed sons daily.:001_smile:

 

It would be easy for me to think of it like this, but my husband really wants a boy to 'carry on the family name', which a son in law wouldn't do. One of his brothers is completely infertile (0 sperm count) so he feels like there is more pressure. Plus, I think he feels outnumbered with 3 girls in the house. We have 2 male dogs, but as he points out they're neutered, lol.

 

I don't know. It's a lot of money to even consider doing it, plus the weird feeling it gives me. I just wish it were in my power to be able to give him what he wants.

[NoPlaceLikeHome]

Never. Look at the catastrophe in China where men greatly outnumber women.

[Osmosis Mom]

No, not anything scientific. But aren't there certain procedures you can do, like douching with vinegar or something, that are said to help make the odds greater of having a certain sex? Positions that allow deeper penetr@tion or something are said to influence which swimmers get to the goal, so to speak.

Do you know what I mean? I still don't think I'd do that, but...

 

This is what I know about as well. The thing I know is that if you know when you are ovulating, then having the father accumulate a few days prior to your most fertile time, doing the act and then waiting would increase the odds of more male swimmers, if you get my flow, as the female sperm is bigger in number. So if you do it more frequently, then that would increase your odds of getting a girl. Generally speaking. Plus the acidity of your privates could also influence the sperm (thus the vinegar thing), but you'd have to google that for details.

[Osmosis Mom]

It would be easy for me to think of it like this, but my husband really wants a boy to 'carry on the family name', which a son in law wouldn't do. One of his brothers is completely infertile (0 sperm count) so he feels like there is more pressure. Plus, I think he feels outnumbered with 3 girls in the house. We have 2 male dogs, but as he points out they're neutered, lol.

 

I don't know. It's a lot of money to even consider doing it, plus the weird feeling it gives me. I just wish it were in my power to be able to give him what he wants.

 

Hmm, in that case, keep on going till you get a boy...?

[Heather in Neverland]

Would I do it? It depends on how badly you BOTH want a son. I had two boys and I desperately wanted a daughter. I looked into all the options out there and in the end I knew that, while they can increase the odds, it is never a guarantee. So we adopted a baby girl and I am thrilled! My family is complete..... But would I judge you for doing it? Absolutely not. Fertility is a very private decision.

[Blessedfamily]

.........So we adopted a baby girl and I am thrilled! My family is complete..... But would I judge you for doing it? Absolutely not. Fertility is a very private decision.

 

:iagree: I'm giving adoption very serious consideration due to my age. (Not suggesting it for the Op)

Edited May 29, 2010 by Blessedfamily

[cathmom]

It would be easy for me to think of it like this, but my husband really wants a boy to 'carry on the family name', which a son in law wouldn't do. One of his brothers is completely infertile (0 sperm count) so he feels like there is more pressure.

 

Your dds can keep their maiden name! :)

[MyBlueLobsters]

Nope. I really wanted a girl, but like a previous poster said, God knew best and blessed us with 3 boys. Wouldn't trade any of them for 1 million girls!

[Quiver0f10]

Absolutely not.

[Just Robyn]

lf I had the money I would probably adopt first. If for some reason adoption wasn't a possibility but sperm sorting was, I would do it.

[MelanieM]

No, but not because of any moral objection. I just think we get what we get, and we get it for good reason, so I wouldn't be inclined to count on something like this to make much difference either way. I would be more likely to have a discussion with spirit baby (God/Goddess/the Universe/higher self) and make my request known, then just let it go and trust that if what I wanted was for my highest good, it would happen.

[Mom0012]

I haven't read the other posts, but I might consider it if it wasn't too invasive. I was absolutely delighted when I found out that my first was a boy. I would have been equally excited about a girl. When I was pregnant with my 2nd, I was desperate for a daughter because I knew I might not be having any more children.

 

If I had had another boy, I probably would have wanted to try again because I really wanted a daughter. I have always had a close relationship with my mother and I hoped to share that with a daughter. I love my son dearly, but even now, there are not very many interests that we share though I keep working at fostering some. It's just a different kind of relationship with my son. Wonderful, but different.

 

Lisa

[Blessedfamily]

Your dds can keep their maiden name! :)

 

There's an idea.

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Nope. I always thought it would be wonderful to have a girl. I had two boys and thought #3 would be a girl. He wasn't, but he is the most awesome kid. The boys are the 3 musketeers, and I can't imagine what life would be like for them without their little friendships.

 

We were done after 3. God chose to give us #4.... a girl.

[Big Buckin' Longhorn]

If it was important to both my spouse and myself and we could afford it, then yes, I would certainly give it a try.

[JudoMom]

No, as a mom of 5 boys, I wouldn't. While having a daughter would be wonderful, and I can't ever see myself resorting to those kinds of measures to up my odds. I do get sad when I realize I will probably never have the experiences of raising a girl, so I pray for wonderful daughters-in-law.

[Lara in Colo]

I guess my attitude would be :

 

If you reduce God's influence, you reduce God's blessings

 

You never know what guise his blessings come in.

 

Lara

[justlittleoldme]

Hubby and I had two boys, and we used the Shettles' book to help influence baby #3 to a girl. I think also one of the ttc calenders has it marked for trying for either gender. That being said, we would of been happy if it had been a boy or a girl. There is no way we would pay to try and get a different gender.

[delaney]

Sure why not? I actually know the guy who was featured in People magazine years ago who sorts sperm. He told us after we already had 2 boys that if we got to 3 and really wanted a girl we could give him a call. We ended up with 4 boys and 2 girls which is close to statistically correct I believe.

[JenC3]

We used natural methods to influence the sex of our two youngest. We were successful on both accounts. With my son I recorded temperatures and we had intercourse (from the end of the last cycle) the only 2 most fertile days. We also employed a method to help the sperm get to the fallopian tubes faster-male than female orgasm. The female orgasm is what helps the sperm enter the uterus, but typically a women orgasms before the male. We employed these "methods" and have an awesome almost four yr old son. We did a different method to have another girl. Now if we were to have another I would use the same method as I did with my son.

 

I would not employ anything medical methods of gender selection. God still hold the cards, he just has given us ways of playing our hand well;)

[Murmer]

So we are not able to use science to increase our odds (basically the odds are 0 not matter what) but I know that when when we start the paperwork for our next adoption we will be putting a presence for a girl, this is just a preference and we would not turn down a situation that we truly felt was meant for us based on the gender of the child but at the same time we would not be per suing situations that we knew where not for a baby girl. I don't think it is a bad thing to desire a specific child but I would be concerned about the emotional effects of per suing the scientific methods for getting pregnant because it can be hard to deal with the effects if it fails...and the failure rates very based on process so consider how you would feel to not have it happen each month.

[Moxie]

No.

 

I have 3 sisters. I'm sure my dad wanted a boy but he never let us know (he is a wonderful guy). He now has 3 son-in-laws; I think that he is happy with that.

[Gooblink]

I would not, but it's really a personal decision. I've never met an involved parent who regrets the child they got naturally, though.

[cathmom]

No.

 

I have 3 sisters. I'm sure my dad wanted a boy but he never let us know (he is a wonderful guy). He now has 3 son-in-laws; I think that he is happy with that.

 

I also have 3 sisters, and I'm the youngest. I once read an article that said that couples would usually continue trying for a boy and I got really upset, thinking that they must have wanted me to be a boy. I asked them and my dad said he couldn't have cared less about having a boy and my mom said that people would ask her that during her pregnancy and her response was, "What would I want a boy for NOW? I already have girl clothes and girl toys and I wouldn't even know what to do with a boy!" So I felt better. :001_smile:

[dirty ethel rackham]

No, I wouldn't. We never even found out the sex of the babies before they were born.

 

After we had our 2nd child (a boy that I was sure was a girl:)), dh felt that he was open to being "done." I was exhausted parenting this high need child, but I knew in my heart that I could not close that door. For the next several months, dh dreamed about having 3 sons. He never tells me his dreams, but this one seemed to stick with him. When I got pregnant with baby #3, everyone kept asking if we were trying for a girl, but I was more or less convinced that it was another boy. We were pretty sure that this was it - I was 37 and the pregancy was much more exhausting. While in the back of my head, I did have some wistful feelings about knowing I probably would never have the opportunity to parent a girl, I was excited about having another boy and looking forward to "my three sons." When baby #3 was born a girl, it was simply the icing on the cake! She has been such a blessing to our family.

[Impish]

Its an incredibly personal decision. It takes into account a person's faith, family structure, personalities...too much to even hazard a guess as to what I'd do, to be honest.

 

I have 4 children...b,g,b,g, with the youngest 2 being born to my marriage. Like another poster, I guess I have the 'luxury' of not having had the concern.

 

I also like (and agree) with the pp that said 'When you reduce God's influence, you reduce His blessings'.

 

So, I guess I *do* know. I'd trust that God has a plan, and leave it in His hands.

[nono]

We had the complete luxury of specifying gender for both adoptions. Would never do it. I'm not that into gender though.

[MorganClassicalPrep]

Nope. My DD has asked me why I had a girl, and my response is "Because that is what God thought Mommy needed to have".

 

Obviously when she gets a little older, I'll explain the science behind it. But ultimately, I believe it was God's decision to give me a girl, and I would never question his judgement. I'll be happy to just have one more biological child, since I wasn't even supposed to be able to get pregnant the first time.

[Orthodox6]

Never. Under no circumstances.

[Desert Rat]

I'm the same way with my boys. I hope to have wonderful daughter in laws some day.

[MomLovesClassics]

I think I would use natural methods in order to influence the outcome, then be happy with either gender. There are even astrological methods to try. I would not do sperm sorting or medical intervention though.

[Crimson Wife]

We used Shettles for our boy and would consider doing so again in order to balance our our family. But I wouldn't do anything artificial.

[Pretty in Pink]

No, I wouldn't have any sort of scientific intervention. I've got four boys btw.

[katemary63]

I haven't read the other replys. For me, I do think I would do it if, say, like a couple of my friends, I had 5 or 7 boys and wanted to try for a girl. I don't have a problem at all using science to try to select out sperm for sex. My personal feeling is that you can manipulate the egg, or the sperm seperately and be okay morally. I do NOT agree with manipulation of the embryo in any way and do not agree with in-vitro. But AI is not a moral problem for me since conception still takes place within the woman's body in a natural way. So, for me personally, I don't think I would try to select sex this way, but...I had one of each in my first two kids. I am really thinking that if I had 5 or more of one sex, I might try to get a little scientific help to stack the odds for the next one. But I would never be unhappy if it didn't work.

Edited May 29, 2010 by katemary63

[mycalling]

Yes, in fact we did this conception (everything natural)...and I'm pregnant with my SIXTH SON!:001_huh: I did make a daughter with twins, and she came with a son, too.

 

I love all of our sons, I just have always wanted each son to have a brother and each daughter to have a sister. My daughter does have an older half-sister, but they don't have that close sisterly relationship I always wanted for my own.

[Melinda in VT]

Yes, in fact we did this conception (everything natural)...and I'm pregnant with my SIXTH SON!:001_huh: I did make a daughter with twins, and she came with a son, too.

 

I love all of our sons, I just have always wanted each son to have a brother and each daughter to have a sister. My daughter does have an older half-sister, but they don't have that close sisterly relationship I always wanted for my own.

 

We only have four kids, but we have the same situation. Our only daughter has a twin brother.

[Danestress]

I have three boys. If I wanted another child, I would want a boy. I think having all of one gender seems preferable. Of course, I haven't tried it the other way, and I am sure if I had a daughter, I would think no one should miss out on that. But I am really enjoying all boys.

 

I grew up in a family of all girls. I'm really glad my parents never had a son. I wonder what part of my father's time and attention I would have lost. I know that sounds selfish, and having a brother would probably be a blessing that would more than make up for that. But I'm sort of glad that it was the way it was. I think I was closer to my father than a lot of girls are. If he ever really wanted a son, he never let on. He was a little shocked when my sister and I had boys and it took him a while to get used the idea.

 

No, I wouldn't do any procedure to choose gender. Because I don't always choose the right stuff.