How many kids does it take...

[Kissy]

to be called a large family? Is it different for different areas? What is a large family to you vs. society?

[swellmomma]

Depends in what company you keep. In homeschooling circles we are a small family, compared to my extended family and all their friends, they think of us as a large family. I think with 4 kids I am on the cusp, once you hit 5 kids I think everyone considers you to be a large family. 2-3 kids is "normal sized" and 1 kid is small.

 

I think of us as a fairly average sized family. It seems in recent years most people I knew were having their 4th child. It was like that became the new norm during the boom here in Alberta.

[*********]

to be called a large family? Is it different for different areas? What is a large family to you vs. society?

 

We had missionary friends from Mexico stay with us over the summer. It was a husband and wife that are US citizens, and they brought along another man who is a Mexican citizen. Dh has the two children from before we were married, and then we have the two boys together.

 

All three missionaries, dh, and I have another family that we are all mutual friends with, who live here in the US. That family also has four children.

 

The Mexican-native man asked dh and I if it was common to have 'such large families here in the US', refering to our family with four children and the other family that we all know that also had four children.

 

I think dh and I both looked like this: :001_huh: :confused:. We didn't even understand really what he was asking, until the missionary wife explained that in Mexico (at least the area that they all are in), it is very unusual for a family to have four or more children; most only have one or two.

 

Dh and I had never thought of ourselves as having a large family before that. So I guess it really is cultural. I don't think of families with four children as 'large'. But I guess I would think of a family with five kids as 'gettin' kinda big'. :D Maybe 'cause most days, I can't *imagine having any more? :tongue_smilie:

[LibraryLover]

I personally think 5, but I think most folks would say over 3.

[GaHadley]

we are expecting number 3, and people think we're crazy - or they are at least certain we are going to stop after this :)

[JoyfulMama]

IME, 3+ kids = a large family, from comments I've received. If you can't sit at a small table, you must be large. :confused:

But HONESTLY I think 5+ would be more like a large family....

[Heidi @ Mt Hope]

Depends in what company you keep. In homeschooling circles we are a small family, compared to my extended family and all their friends, they think of us as a large family. I think with 4 kids I am on the cusp, once you hit 5 kids I think everyone considers you to be a large family. 2-3 kids is "normal sized" and 1 kid is small.

 

:iagree:

 

This is the way I view things. Though, I think as far as the general population is concerned, three kids is 'on the cusp.'

[Carrie12345]

With 4 kids, I don't *feel like a large family, but most people IRL consider us to be one. 4 kids does seem to be the standard in our hs group though!

[LibraryLover]

we are expecting number 3, and people think we're crazy - or they are at least certain we are going to stop after this :)

 

 

3 is actually the new two. I don't know many young families with two anymore. In fact, I think four is the new two. Family size is increasing in the US. I should go look for some stats to back me up. I remember reading a US article about the trend of increasing family size.

[LibraryLover]

With 4 kids, I don't *feel like a large family, but most people IRL consider us to be one. 4 kids does seem to be the standard in our hs group though!

 

 

Even among the non-religious. I would say 4 is the most common number in our group as well. Two of the agnostic families are actually pregnant with their 5th. Maybe it's the Madonna or Bradgelina factor. (Is that how you would spell that? lol)

[FlockOfSillies]

To hear it from strangers, three kids is "a nice big family" -- four is huge, and anything more than that is Jon & Kate territory.

 

My house is full, and five feels big. I'm definitely at the limit what I can manage.

[dragons in the flower bed]

to be called a large family? Is it different for different areas? What is a large family to you vs. society?

 

I think four tips a family over to the large side, in the eyes of most Americans.

 

I don't think it's a regional phenomena. I believe it's a matter of social class and religion. Income levels are skyscraper high on LI compared to what would be considered middle class in central NY. The only folks on LI with more than 3 kids are Orthodox or Catholic or fundamentalist Christians. But at three kids, parents are still considered to just like kids. At 4 kids, parents are assumed to be religious. Up here in poorville NY if you have 4 kids people ask how many dads there are. ::shudder:: If you say one, they'll ask if you're religious.

 

We have five and I don't think that's a lot. Maybe it is because of the spacing, one being grown up and gone and only four littles. I guess, looking from inside, it always feels different from looking at a family from outside. Others wonder how parents of twelve kids can keep them all straight, but it never feels that way to parents who have had a chance to integrate each child one at a time.

[sunshine]

we are expecting number 3, and people think we're crazy - or they are at least certain we are going to stop after this :)

 

 

I got that so much when I announced I was pregnant with #3. I couldn't believe it. But it really has only been in the last 3 or 4 years that having more kids has been gaining popularity around here.

[Sonshine]

I heard a missionary from the Middle East speak a few years ago. She said that the families in her country were using birth control more and family sizes were decreasing from around 12 kids to just 6. I guess it's a matter of perspective.

[Ginevra]

I do think there was somewhat of a "trend" among affluent families around here to have four kids. Kind of like, "Yeah, it's no problem. We can afford 4." But on the whole, I think more than 3 is seen as getting biggish and 5 is seen in the "you must be Catholic/Morman/fundy" territory.

 

To me, four kids seem like the minimum ideal, and I wish I had six or seven. A lot of people I admire (including my dh) either grew up in a family with six or seven kids or have six or seven of their own. In my mind, 8 kids or more is "crazy big". :D

[2squared]

I am blessed to live in an area where the typical family has 4 kids. Most have theirs space further apart than we do, but 4 is 4. I think most people in this area don't go to college and they started their families in their early 20s. Maybe that makes a difference?

 

Before we moved here, only families in my homeschooling circle had 4+ kids.

[dangermom]

To me, 4 is the minimum to be considered large. 5 is more like it.

[farmmom4him]

We have six children. I consider us a small, large family. :D

[BakersDozen]

Our area is filled with large families (10-14 kids) so 4-6 is considered average, 7-8 is just getting big, 9+ is large. I love feeling like I fit in and am not the oddball in that area. :)

[Parrothead]

I think more than 3 is seen as getting biggish and 5 is seen in the "you must be Catholic/Morman/fundy" territory.

I think that is funny. We are Catholic with one kid. I only know of a few Catholic families with more than 2 kids.

 

I think 4 or more would be a large family.

[Crissy]

Four doesn't feel like a big family to me. Maybe because I was one of four and our family didn't feel big until my two young cousins lived with us for a long period of time.

A family of eight --six kids-- felt big.

 

We only have two boys, and it feels like a very small family.

[TravelingChris]

I think 5 is a large family. We have three. But even in the non homeschooling families, 3 kids is pretty common. Four is not that common but I think it is on the large side of average. Five is unusual though not in homeschooling.

[myfatherslily]

In my circles, 3-4 is pretty common. Five seems to push you into the "big family" category for many, though I see enough with 5 that I usually think of 6 children as the beginning of "big" :) I can't think of anyone I know IRL who has 7 or more.

[La Condessa]

For me, 4 to 6 feels average, 3 or fewer as small, and 7 or more as large. But I am religious and one of five, so that is probably why.

 

I don't think most non-religious people in my area would agree with me, though. As a kid I would get shocked responses from anyone who heard how many of us there were, and most of the families in my neighborhood had one or two kids.

 

I recently heard a relative of my husband exclaim, upon hearing that my sister-in-law was considering trying for another baby, "But she's already got such a big family!" She has three kids.

[staceyobu]

According to most people I encounter in the grocery store, three kids is worth commenting on. In my book, 5+ would make me think small "big family". Eight plus, I would just consider big.

[Ginevra]

I think that is funny. We are Catholic with one kid. I only know of a few Catholic families with more than 2 kids.

 

And I think that's funny! :D The co-op we belong to meets at a Catholic parish. Just about all of the Catholic homeschoolers that belong to the co-op have no less than 4 kids and several have 7 or more.

[Mary Grace]

A large family is always one more than what I have in that season. :D

[RoughCollie]

The vast majority of families in the U.S. have only 1 or 2 kids. I have met (IRL) exactly 2 families who have 4 kids, and just a few families who have 3 kids. I have not met (IRL) any families who have more than 4 kids.

 

So, I think that if a family in the U.S. has 4 or more kids, they have a large family. Contrast this to the 1950s when the average family had 4 kids (according to some articles I've read lately -- I have no definitive proof of that).

 

In the town of about 18,000 that we moved from, we were the only family that fell into the "4 or more kids" bracket, according to statistics provided by the town from their annual town census. It had to be us, because we do have 4 kids.

Edited January 25, 2010 by RoughCollie

[kmacnchs]

I would have said 4 when I was younger since I only knew 1 family with 4 children and NONE with more than 4 but now, I guess 5 would be on the lower scale of large imo. In my church, practically every family has 4 children - it is weird...every family got there a different way and I don't think any family set out to have 4 children. I kinda hope we don't have 4 (stay or have more than 4) b/c I hate being like everyone else :tongue_smilie::D

[stripe]

Up here in poorville NY if you have 4 kids people ask how many dads there are. ::shudder:: If you say one, they'll ask if you're religious.

 

! Wow. What an unnecessary question, and I would hate to hear what they say if you say "four"!

[AndyJoy]

At the Southern Baptist church I attended from 5th-12th grade, 4 or more was considered a big family. The vast majority of families had 2 kids. I can't remember anyone with more than 4 kids ever attending there for the 8 years I lived there.

 

At the small Reformed Baptist church I currently attend, however, the median and mode is 5 kids, and one family has 8. All but two of the families at my church homeschool their kids.

 

I personally consider 1-2 small, 3-4 average, and 5 or more big. I always thought I wanted 4-5, but we'll see now that I actually know how much work 1 infant can be! Dh has always said 2 would be perfect. I asked him if being child 3 of 3 influenced this! Lately we've been talking more about having 2 children then adopting more when they are teens or grown.

 

My best friend's family was one of the "big" 4-kid families at our church. I look enough like them that people usually thought I was the oldest child in the family when we went shopping together. One time Mrs. M called out to us "Andrea, Amy, Andrea, Kara, David, come here." The incredulous clerk asked, "You have two daughters named Andrea?" Without missing a beat, Mrs. M said, "Yeah, we like the first girl so much we named her little sister after her!" The poor clerk was :001_huh:. The rest of us were :lol:.

Edited January 25, 2010 by AndyJoy

[Audrey]

to be called a large family? Is it different for different areas? What is a large family to you vs. society?

 

To me, a large family is more than 2 kids.

 

As to what society calls a large family... I think that is ENTIRELY dependent on your location. In the nearby, very Mennonite city, 4 or 5 kids would still be called a small family. If you have one or two kids, they'll ask you what's wrong (in that well-intentioned, but still kind of insulting little whispered way that's supposed to not embarrass you). :rolleyes:

[Crimson Wife]

I don't think it's a regional phenomena. I believe it's a matter of social class and religion. Income levels are skyscraper high on LI compared to what would be considered middle class in central NY. The only folks on LI with more than 3 kids are Orthodox or Catholic or fundamentalist Christians.

 

Out here in the Bay Area, pretty much the only white folks with more than 2 kids from the same parents are the ones who are religiously devout. Most people think we're nuts for having 3 and hoping God blesses us with more. In our inclusive HS group, the non-religious folks have 1 or 2, the Christians & Mormons have 3, 4, or 5. There are a number of families in our Catholic HS support group that have 6+. Those folks I would consider to have "large" families.

[Crimson Wife]

And I think that's funny! :D The co-op we belong to meets at a Catholic parish. Just about all of the Catholic homeschoolers that belong to the co-op have no less than 4 kids and several have 7 or more.

 

One of the reasons we don't do that much with our local Catholic HS support group is because some of the other moms act judgmental towards those with smaller families. This was the last thing I needed when I was going through fertility issues before finally getting pregnant with my 3rd. I really don't feel our family's spacing is anyone's business except ours and God's. Obviously if He'd wanted us to have 6 kids in our first decade of marriage instead of just 3, that's what would've happened. So kindly please don't make negative assumptions about us :glare:

[mcconnellboys]

I do tend to think that it varies by area. When I lived in Baton Rouge, even though it was largely Catholic, 2 was average and families with 4 children were considered large. When we moved to Lexington, which doesn't even have all that many Catholic families, 4 was more average and it was only those with 5-6 that began to be considered larger (8 seeming to be the line of demarcation for a definitely "large" family).

[WistfulRidge]

To me personally I don't start thinking "big family" until 8 or 9+ (kids) and small is 3 or less, but I suspect that this has a lot to do just with my family (I'm the oldest of 6, my dad's brother currently has 9, and 3 of my mom's 5 siblings have 4 or more).

I think for society in general 1 is small, 2-3 is normal, 4 starts earning you the "Hey there stud!" or "Popping out another one anytime soon?" jokes, and 5 is where people start asking "You do know how babies are made, right?", or the cute little lady in the grocery store tugs you aside and asks you if your husband is pressuring you into more kids (my mom had that happen to her a couple of times, lol). So I guess for most people they start thinking "big" around 4 or 5.

Thinking about it now I'm kind of surprised my own opinion falls the way it does, because even though I'm LDS (Mormon) both my mom, my aunt and uncle, and now myself (when people hear how many kids I want) always got (and get) shocked, almost appalled "How in the world do you handle all of them?!?" looks all the time from other members of our faith. 2-3 seems to the average with a handful always in the 4 or more category in all the wards (congregations) I've attended.

[momofkhm]

Depends in what company you keep. In homeschooling circles we are a small family, compared to my extended family and all their friends, they think of us as a large family. I think with 4 kids I am on the cusp, once you hit 5 kids I think everyone considers you to be a large family. 2-3 kids is "normal sized" and 1 kid is small.

 

:iagree:

 

In church with only 2 homeschooling families, I feel we are a large family. In our homeschool co-op, I feel we are average with 3 kids. When I go to a homeschooling conference where there are a lot of kids, I feel like we are a small family with only 3.

[kmacnchs]

One of the reasons we don't do that much with our local Catholic HS support group is because some of the other moms act judgmental towards those with smaller families. This was the last thing I needed when I was going through fertility issues before finally getting pregnant with my 3rd. I really don't feel our family's spacing is anyone's business except ours and God's. Obviously if He'd wanted us to have 6 kids in our first decade of marriage instead of just 3, that's what would've happened. So kindly please don't make negative assumptions about us :glare:

 

I am so sorry! I had a new lady from the church over the other day. She has 1 dd1's age. We were talking and when any mention of kids came up, I was automatically defensive about having as many as the Lord blessed us with - don't judge me - kind of talk. Well, guess what, she was having the same kind of don't judge me talk b/c she has always had fertility issues and is also leaving it up to the Lord but feels judged by others for only having one.

 

I am glad we had the conversation b/c it helped me realize that just b/c a family has 1 child (or 3 spaced out) does not mean that they are using birth control, planned it that way, or are judging me! Wow! Talk about self-centered (me, not you)! I just wanted to send :grouphug: your way and say sorry for all the judgmental talk you have experienced. They may have been feeling judged by you b/c you did not have 6 in 6 yrs (just insecurities, I guess).

[MamaT]

In my thinking 2-3 is average, and 4 or more would qualify as a big family. We have 6, so I consider that large.

 

When we lived in Florida, we got comments all the time about our family size. We don't seem to get that here in NC.

 

The only really negative comment we ever received was from a lady selling honey at a roadside stand. She lectured us on "overpopulating the earth" and such right in front of my kids. They just thought she was nuts.

[AnitaMcC]

to be called a large family? Is it different for different areas? What is a large family to you vs. society?

 

 

IMO.. anyone with four or more children have large families and extremely large families are more than six.

 

In mine and Dh's families... large is somewhat common. I am one of 10 (5 are step siblings), Dh is one of 5, Dh's mom is one of 9.

 

But also in our families there are only children (Dh's dad), and many with 2-3 kids. Dh and I are the only ones with four kids out of all our siblings. Eveyone else has 2-3 each (two of my brothers have no children).

 

Although Dh's oldest brother and his two younger brothers may go with four or more kids... they are still going-LOL.

[mycalling]

Our area is filled with large families (10-14 kids) so 4-6 is considered average, 7-8 is just getting big, 9+ is large. I love feeling like I fit in and am not the oddball in that area. :)

Wow, roughly what area do you live in? We live in a heavily military area where 1-2 is the norm. We're definitely the oddballs here!

 

To me, 1-2 is small, 3-5 is medium, and 6 or more is large. Large family forums consider 5 or more large, but to me it's not large until you need a second hand to count them!

[KathyBC]

It depends on who I'm talking to. To a mother of 1, like the hairdresser today, 3 is a lot. When I walked by the Rod & Staff table at a homeschool convention, I was told that 3 was a good start. :-)

 

I think with 4 kids I am on the cusp, once you hit 5 kids I think everyone considers you to be a large family. 2-3 kids is "normal sized" and 1 kid is small.

 

In our neck of the woods there are quite a number of families with 4 kids. I agree, once you hit 5 kids, I think it would be considered a large family.

[FlockOfSillies]

It's large when you need a second washer and dryer set.