Am I the last person left who prefers gifts to gift card?

[OhM]

I'm just frustrated thinking about Christmas with my in-laws. I just purchased the last of the gift cards for my mil, fil, bil and sil. I'd much prefer to buy and wrap a thoughtful gift for each of them, but I've learned in past years that they will ask for the receipt so that they can "exchange it for something they'd really like." And sil & bil will actually appear put out that I went so far as to presume that they would like something.

 

The inverse is even worse! I love receiving gifts from people. It's a part of their personality, and I love having that reminder of a loved one. But they have all asked dh "Where I want my gift card from." It's doubly painful for me - not only do I not get an interesting gift to open on Christmas day, but I have a task now that I hate to do - I detest shopping for myself! And I can't take advantage of any of the after Christmas sales because I can't tolerate the crowds! I know how ungrateful that sounds, but I'd rather have something that cost a fraction of the gift card that shows me some of the giver and doesn't require more work from me!

 

Is this a strange form of Scroogey-ness? Bah-humbug?

 

Is there anyone else like me out there?

 

I'm not even looking forward to Christmas w/my in-laws when we all open our little pieces of plastic, and then smile and nod at each other. :glare:

[happi duck]

:iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree::iagree:

[Brigitte]

I was just informed that my niece and nephews are too busy to come up with lists (granted all are teens and attend a demanding prep school) and that sending cash would be fine for them for Christmas. To me cash and gift cards are much more expensive than a thoughful gift - you have to spend more on the gift card or send more cash to make an impact than you would on gift that is just right.

 

From some people I prefer a gift card, because what they choose is never quite right (dh's employer for instance), but I really like getting a present that required some thought. Although my mil hit is just right for my bday this year with a gift card to Talbot's. She knew that I needed some nicer clothes than what I have and that I love that store.

 

If it all boils down to gift cards in the end, we might as well save ourselves a lot of head ache and skip the exchange altogether. Just my .02.

[Daisy]

Are gift cards just another indication that we are disconnected from each other? I honestly would have no clue what to buy my nieces and nephew or even my sister for that matter. They live 3,000 miles away and I haven't seen them in six years.

 

What would they buy me? They don't have a clue what I like.

 

I'm more inclined to just drop gift exchanges altogether.

[Brigitte]

Are gift cards just another indication that we are disconnected from each other? I honestly would have no clue what to buy my nieces and nephew or even my sister for that matter. They live 3,000 miles away and I haven't seen them in six years.

 

What would they buy me? They don't have a clue what I like.

 

I'm more inclined to just drop gift exchanges altogether.

 

I agree that there comes a point where dropping the exchange altogether makes the most sense. I did with my siblings and their kids years ago, as we are all spread out and the kids are all growing up.

[Dawn in OH]

I would rather receive a real gift. It's not much fun to just open up an envelope with a gift card in it. I try to make it easy on people and let them know what books, movies and cd's I love, I figure those are usually reasonably priced gifts and things I wouldn't buy for myself.

 

With my husband and my mom, I just flat out send them links to clothes or shoes that I want. That is what they have expressed they would like me to do and it makes things easier on both ends.

[Peek a Boo]

I agree that there comes a point where dropping the exchange altogether makes the most sense. I did with my siblings and their kids years ago, as we are all spread out and the kids are all growing up.

 

:iagree:

 

 

while I appreciate a gift that someone knew I could really use or would REALLY like, i have enough of my own crap that collects dust, thankyouverymuch. i'd rather someone do me the honor of NOT loading more stuff on me than giving me a gift I do not need or want.

[Paula in PA]

:iagree: My family dropped the exchanges several years ago because we just ended up exchanging gift cards or cash. It was crazy. My dh and I have tried for 2 years now to get his family to do the same, but they keep on doing it. This year we took ourselves out. What's the point?

[melissel]

If it all boils down to gift cards in the end, we might as well save ourselves a lot of head ache and skip the exchange altogether. Just my .02.

 

ITA. I hate giving gift cards and cash, because then it just feels like we're pushing money around. However, I'd much rather buy someone something they'd really like and want, and I'd rather receive something I like and want. If it comes down to another ill-fitting sweater from my MIL (whose heart is in the right place, but she picks these tiny little tops!), I'd prefer the gift card so I can get the cosmetics items I really need.

 

I don't know, I feel like it's more about our overall affluence as a society than about disconnection. We all have SO MUCH stuff, it's hard to get something for someone that they'll need or appreciate, you know? For example, I have lots of shirts, so the too-small ones are just a frustration. I always appreciate the thought, though, no matter what.

[runamuk]

I'd rather have a gift than an errand - which is what a gift card is to me. This year, my sisters and I agreed that if we were only going to send gift cards to each other, we'd save the money and spend it on ourselves.

 

Our daughter and her fiancee asked for gift cards this year. I told them I knew they could come up with something else - something for their home, books they loved but didn't own - or trust me to pick something.

 

Having said all of that, I wish my mom would just give me gift cards. It would save me from returning things that don't fit or aren't appropriate.

[Aubrey]

Well...I like gift cards because I enjoy shopping. It's a therepeutic activity that I don't do as much as I might like. ;) And I always find better deals than anyone else who would shop for me. But I wouldn't ever want to hurt someone's feelings by saying *any* of the above. I know gc's are disappointing to give, but they're almost like a toy or a game for me, lol.

 

As far as *giving* gifts--yeah, there's no way we could afford gift cards if someone wanted that, & I'd also miss the joy of choosing something, BUT I have realized in recent years that giving gifts well & enjoying it is a love language. I *like* to do it, but for other people? Sometimes it's the equivalent of having to sing publicly. Your gift gets judged as the equivalent of your love for and knowledge of the recipient. My dh, for ex, just doesn't show love that way as well as he does other ways. :001_smile:

[Rosie_0801]

Gift cards are dull, but they are better than those tins of biscuits from Denmark that don't even taste nice. If gift cards are the current trend in your family, ask for an Amazon.com voucher. No crowds :D

 

Rosie

[Aubrey]

ask for an Amazon.com voucher. No crowds :D

 

Best. gift. EV.ER.

[Mrs Mungo]

I don't really get the point of sending around gift cards and cash. I'd rather do real gifts or not bother. Otherwise, it seems silly.

[Rosie_0801]

I don't really get the point of sending around gift cards and cash. I'd rather do real gifts or not bother. Otherwise, it seems silly.

 

For the most part I agree, but my Dad, after three years of giving me torches (:confused:) started giving us money for Christmas. So, he is purchasing me an online book shopping experience. This works out well. He would never in a million years be able to pick a book I like, because I'm way ahead of him in the only area our interests match and he doesn't think book shopping is a fun thing anyway. Each year he has given money (the last three) he has told me that I should spend it on something other than books, but when pressed, he couldn't think what else there is ;) :D Purchasing a book buying experience is a worthy gift, in my humble opinion :D I take care to let him know what he's bought me, but he only ever rolls his eyes, heheh.

 

Rosie

[KidsHappen]

You know, I was just thinking about this a few hours ago. In my family, everyone makes a list and then gives it to everyone else and then we all email each other telling them which item we decided to get so that no one buys the same thing. So I was thinking, wouldn't it make more sense to skip the gift exchange and just by ourselves what we wanted. And then I came home from my pt and saw my tile floor that was just installed today and I realized that I would have never done that for myself and even if I did I certainly wouldn't appreciate it as much as I do now. Everytime I walk in my bathroom and see how nice it looks, I will think of how wonderful it was that my hubby had this done for me and how great it was that my brother did the tub surround for me. Everytime I use my new dryer, I will really appreciate the fact that my children all threw in money to buy it for me.

 

I don't shop for myself, ever. Everything I own is something that someone else got for me or gave to me and I love it all. Not only are they things that I love but they have sentimental value and the fact that my family always manages to pick the perfect gift for me means even more, especially since I am notriously picky due to OCD issues.

 

I am pretty sure that my family feels the same way. When they see or use something that someone bought them as a gift, it means more to them than if they had got it for themselves. One of my dds has specifically asked that not only do I not get her gfs but that I also surprise her with presents I know she will like. She says gifts just aren't the same if there is no element of surprise and I have to admit that I am absolutely shocked at what all they have done for me this year (and a little worried as it is so unusual).

 

So even though it is difficult (I hate to shop and I am not very good at picking out gifts), and expensive and stressful, we will continue with the gift giving traditions. :)

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I think gift cards are worse than cash. With a gift card, one is forced to use the entire amount and that usually entails spending my own money. So what's so great about that? I've got a bunch of gift cards with a buck or two left on them. Unless I plan to go to that store/restaurant, what do I do with them?

 

 

I agree. Sometimes I would prefer cash to gift cards. At least that way, I could shop for what I want, and shop where I want to shop. I could combine the cash from different gifters and buy something really nice. And, it would be nice to be able to cash in those little leftover dollars and cents from previous gift cards.

[BikeBookBread]

I like gifts more than gc's; however, I ADORE gift certificates for services such as a spa massage or other spa services. That is an AMAZING gift :)

[DesertDweller]

I like gift cards (I've even requested them occasionally), but I would be happy to get a gift just as much.

 

Maybe I'm the odd one, but I would never think to return something so that I could 'get something better'. Exchaging something for the correct size or a different color, yes, but not just to get something else I really wanted.

 

Maybe I just haven't received enough poorly picked gifts.

[ladydusk]

I hate giving gift cards, but seem to end up doing so for many in my husband's family (his BIL? Who knows? His college aged brother [yikes]) I try to do something a bit more directed, I recently friended my BIL on facebook and see he likes to read, so B&N it is! My SIL has been talking about taking a cooking class for a while, so a gc to a local place that offers cooking classes. Her husband? Sears/Home Depot/Lowe's cards 'cause he totally loves hardware stores ....

 

My family is almost the opposite extreme. Our Christmas gift lists are due on Thanksgiving. We all get to go around and mark items off those lists that day. My parents shop Black Friday [shaking head] So there isn't much thought involved, but gifts are there to be opened. The plus side is that I got almost all of my shopping done Thanksgiving night on Amazon ...

[Ellie]

Next year, don't buy gift cards. Buy your sweet, interesting gifts. Don't let anyone guilt you somehow into gift cards.

[lisabees]

I guess I'm picky and ungrateful. I like receiving gift cards, especially from my in-laws. They always just get the strangest things - a pink flamingo pen, plastic animal chopticks, 2" tall metal guitar players. When they actually get clothes, it's not something I'd wear, but I feel obligated to. For Christmas, I will be wearing some slinky outfit, with tight leggings, my sil got me, for my recent b-day. Totally not my style!

 

The funny thing is they NEVER ask me for ideas, but always have an expensive idea, for themselves, and want the entire family to contribute.

 

Last year, my sil asked if I listen to music on cds. I said no. Why, I asked? She continued, well, if I bought you some cd's (of her favorite bands) would you listen to them? I told her honestly, probably not. What did she get me? :D

[Jean in Newcastle]

The only gift cards I like are for books.

[Nestof3]

I love gifts, but I find that it's hard with a small house to just keep anything that comes in. Sometimes, people take no effort to get to know people and what they want. Some people buy people what they themselves want (my brother used to do this with music CDs -- he'd then borrow the CD, and the recipient would never see it again).

 

So, from my family, I love both. My mom knows I love shopping Michaels'.

 

From those more outside, I really prefer that they think about what I would enjoy and buy accordingly. Honestly, keep the "re-gifted" items or donate them. I don't want a gift for the sake of getting a gift. Only give me a gift if you see something that screams, "Dawn."

 

This is how I approach buying for people. I really think about what they enjoy -- what do they eat, drink, do? What do they wear. What kind of earrings do they wear. Do they have a hobby. I try to watch people throughout the year so that I know if they love tea or coffee. Chocolate or stationery.

 

I bought my mom a bunch of gluten-free mixes and pasta. She needs NOTHING. She has recently been diagnosed with celiac disease, and I thought a large basket of these items would be nice. The brownie mix is superb. I plan to print out some highly-rated recipes as well and put in the basket. She already made a bread recipe I found online.

 

For people like our nephew -- the one who never even let us know he received a wedding or baby gift -- we just send a gift card. It's purely obligatory. My SIL buys for my boys (after she asks what they would like), and so we buy for her grown sons (who show no appreciation).

 

PS -- My brother buys clothes that are huge for our guys, gigantic slippers in sizes too large, etc. He takes no time to discover what size they are or pay enough attention to them to know what they like. He jusy buys.

 

I spend a lot of time reading reviews on great toys, etc. I find out what tea they like. I buy my brother the wheat grass stuff he likes and my sister-in-law natural lotions.

Edited December 17, 2009 by nestof3

[Nestof3]

My husband actually loves those cookies. LOL

 

So did my mom until she was diagnosed with celiac!

[Kirch]

To me, the shopping experience is part of the gift. Money is always tight around here, so I really enjoy getting to go spend a little on myself, picking out something I like that fits, guilt-free. And usually kid-free too! If shopping for myself wasn't such a luxury, it probably wouldn't mean as much. Same thing with gift cards to restaurants--free date with DH, probably to somewhere we don't get to go very often! I like real gifts too, though.

 

I can see how it wouldn't be so much fun if you didn't like to shop. :001_smile:

[LibraryLover]

I love gift cards. Bookstores, restuarants, markets, my fav thrift shop. Anything local and consumable, really.

Edited December 17, 2009 by LibraryLover

[LND1218]

:iagree: My family dropped the exchanges several years ago because we just ended up exchanging gift cards or cash. It was crazy. My dh and I have tried for 2 years now to get his family to do the same, but they keep on doing it. This year we took ourselves out. What's the point?

 

Yep same here - it was crazy. We were just exchanging money or gift cards. So dh and bowed out. We only give gifts to our parent and kids - no other extended family (unless we see something or really want to.)

[jillian]

I despise gift cards unless they are from people who I know can't shop well for me if that makes sense. Like my in-laws...not such great taste...just give me a visa giftcard (or amex or MC) and let me use it on what I want...though they usually just send a check now. I do giftcards for friends and such because it is so much easier than trying to pick out 20 different things for various people.

[Colleen]

I don't understand the obligatory gift-giving compulsion in this country and am grateful I'm not beholden to it. If I happen to see something that makes me think of a particular person, I buy it. It may be the only time I ever buy a gift for that individual. They may never buy me anything. So be it. I'm convinced a large part of the gift-giving process is essentially an opportunity for the gift-er to buoy his or her self-esteem.

[jillian]

I don't understand the obligatory gift-giving compulsion in this country and am grateful I'm not beholden to it. If I happen to see something that makes me think of a particular person, I buy it. It may be the only time I ever buy a gift for that individual. They may never buy me anything. So be it. I'm convinced a large part of the gift-giving process is essentially an opportunity for the gift-er to buoy his or her self-esteem.

I know I love spoiling the people I love--dh, dd, my grandparents, etc. and it doesn't matter in the slightest if they return the favor.

[Colleen]

 

I know I love spoiling the people I love--dh, dd, my grandparents, etc. and it doesn't matter in the slightest if they return the favor.

I s'pose, then, if I'm someone you love and I don't want to be "spoiled", my gift to you is accepting the fact that you love spoiling me. Odd how that works.:tongue_smilie:

 

[Tap]

For the most part....I prefer gift cards. Most companies have online shopping now, and if there are a few bucks left on the card... I don't care. At least I am not tossing the entire gift. I can usually find something and if not....I pass the card on to someone else who will use it. It is no different than getting gift I wouldn't have used in the first place. If I am in line at a store and there are a few dollars left, I give it to the next person in line...it is amazing how happy that makes people....so the gift often blesses me and another. :0)

 

I really feel bad, almost guilty, if someone buys me a thoughtful gift that I know I won't use.

 

 

People tend to buy me candles. Sooooo many candles, candle holders, candle dishes....candles. I now donate them to my friend who plays Bunko to regift them out of my house.

[choirfarm]

My mom took the bull by the horns this Christmas and said that since we and she and my step-brothers, and my sister are financially in the place where we just buy what we want when we want that we will do something different for Christmas. We will each make donations to our favorite charity and then just give a fun gift...like a mug my children made or a family photo framed. I'm giving my sister a book I made with all of dad's poetry and some scanned pictures and his paintings and drawings in it. I'm donating to Buckner to be used in Bantu where we sponsor a school and a doctor. My sil gave us the gift of a cow that will be used in some country. My dh is going to try to get his parents to do that next year. I'm loving it!

 

Christine

[plansrme]

Giving and receiving gifts should be fun. It is supposed to bring pleasure to the giver and the recipient. A gifts is never obligatory; a gift is not a tax. If the gift-giver doesn't get you exactly what you want, or doesn't even try, well so be it. He or she did not have to give you anything in the first place. Being angry at not getting exactly what you want, this entitlement mentality, I do not understand.

 

Being thrilled when you do get something you want or, even better, something you didn't know you wanted, now that I understand and strive for as a gift-giver and hope for as a recipient.

 

Terri

[unsinkable]

Many years ago, all the kids on my dh's side did a gift exchange with a set dollar amount (like $25.)

 

When we asked his sister to give us some ideas for her kids, she said to give gift cards for "the full amount." She said wanted to make sure that $25 was spent on each of her kids because people had a tendency to buy something on sale for say $15 and think it counted because the normal price was $25.

 

 

I did bold this and change the font size cuz it is such a "good" story about gift cards. :lol:

[Nestof3]

I don't understand the obligatory gift-giving compulsion in this country and am grateful I'm not beholden to it. If I happen to see something that makes me think of a particular person, I buy it. It may be the only time I ever buy a gift for that individual. They may never buy me anything. So be it. I'm convinced a large part of the gift-giving process is essentially an opportunity for the gift-er to buoy his or her self-esteem.

 

Colleen,

 

I actually love buying gifts for people. I do this on regular days and look forward to holidays for more of the same. It honestly has nothing to do with my self-esteem.

 

There are, I admit, a few people I despise buying for: my father-in-law for many reasons and my nephews because they lack manners, and I feel no true desire to "make their day."

 

I also love presents.

[Nestof3]

Giving and receiving gifts should be fun. It is supposed to bring pleasure to the giver and the recipient. A gifts is never obligatory; a gift is not a tax. If the gift-giver doesn't get you exactly what you want, or doesn't even try, well so be it. He or she did not have to give you anything in the first place. Being angry at not getting exactly what you want, this entitlement mentality, I do not understand.

 

Being thrilled when you do get something you want or, even better, something you didn't know you wanted, now that I understand and strive for as a gift-giver and hope for as a recipient.

 

Terri

 

I have no anger over it at all, and I am certainly not in the entitlement mentality group. The truth is, it is obligatory for many people, and sometimes that seems to show up. It has become customary for many people, and all I am saying is that it means the most if the person takes time to think about the gift.

 

For me, giving a gift is an expression of love -- a person saying, "I know you, I like you, and I want to give you an expression of love."

 

One of the most meaningful gifts EVER was given to my son by my friend Cecilia (daisychics). She had heard me lamenting over needing to buy just black markers as the boys always use them up first. She went online and bought a large pack of black markers. I was astonished that she took the time to know me and express herself.

 

I will accept any gift with gratitude, but honestly, it may go to the thrift store. We don't have room for really large stuffed animals, decorative items, etc.

[Nestof3]

I s'pose, then, if I'm someone you love and I don't want to be "spoiled", my gift to you is accepting the fact that you love spoiling me. Odd how that works.:tongue_smilie:

 

Colleen, I think I'm remembering a previous thread. Are you the one that doesn't like presents?

[dirty ethel rackham]

I like gifts more than gc's; however, I ADORE gift certificates for services such as a spa massage or other spa services. That is an AMAZING gift :)

 

I agree. I hate shopping - for myself, for anyone. Gift cards mean more shopping. However, those spa gift certificates are not a gift to shop for - they are an experience.

[Anne]

You know, I think this whole topic boils down in many ways to whether or not a person enjoys shopping, gifts, etc.

 

I love my family and friends. I love to spoil them when opportunities present themselves.

 

I hate the gift-exchanging part of Christmas. I am not creative about gifts, I can never remember who likes what and in which colors and the whole thing is always a source of enormous stress.

 

People who love gifts see them as a symbol of love & caring. I have several people in my life who are this way and I hate the fact that the thing I do worst in life is so important to them.

 

Rant over.

 

Back to shopping :tongue_smilie:

 

Anne

[OhM]

:iagree: My family dropped the exchanges several years ago because we just ended up exchanging gift cards or cash. It was crazy. My dh and I have tried for 2 years now to get his family to do the same, but they keep on doing it. This year we took ourselves out. What's the point?

 

This is how I see our situation; we're simply trading money at this point. But the il's (and dh!!!) truly see it as "exchanging gifts". <sigh>

[Parrothead]

If I get a gift card, I'd like it before Christmas. That way at least I can put it toward some aspect of Christmas, even if it is handing it to dh and asking him to buy me a pair of earrings with it to put under the tree.

[Tidbits of Learning]

I haven't read through all of the replies, but our family had this issue a few years back. My dh's Mom and Stepdad began getting gift cards to walmart for everyone including my 2,3, and 4 year old children. Do you know how disappointing it is for a child to open a gift card?

Anyway, this went on for 2-3 years. Until the year I had my last child, that is. That year my Mom and Dad came for Christmas (he was born Dec. 19) and to help me with my other kids. So dh's Mom and Stepdad came over to our house Christmas Eve to do gifts. My whole extended family had sent gifts to the kids. My parents had bought the usual clothes and toys. My cousins had sent small, typical gifts for children. My aunt that isn't all that well off bought a coloring book and crayons for each kid. My cousin had even made a baby's first Christmas ornament for my newborn. They weren't big gifts, but the kids were ecstatic. They got really excited about the coloring books that maybe cost $5 with the crayons for each kid. My aunt had called and asked what characters the kids liked at the time.

Then the kids got to the gift cards from dh's Mom and Stepdad. They opened them and said, "Thank You" and went back to enjoying all their small but thoughtful gifts.

That was the last time any of us got a gift card for Christmas.

 

Another good idea and fun Christmas gift exchange is to do "Dirty Santa". Every adult brings a gift of a certain amount (negotiated by the family) for their gender. At Christmas, you draw numbers and go pick a gift out from under the tree and unwrap. The next number gets to go pick a gift and open it or they get to steal the gift the first person opened for themselves. This continues until there are no gifts. It is fun and sometimes there are gag gifts and sometimes some really great gifts that were bought on clearance that everyone tries to steal from the person that opened it.

Edited December 17, 2009 by OpenMinded