Erica in PA Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Dh and I are sort of in an odd position, financially, and it seems that we've taken a different position than anyone else we know. We are lower income, rent an apartment because it's cheaper than owning a home, and have just about enough money to pay our bills each month, with just a bit left over to do a few fun family activities. We have read things by Dave Ramsay, Crown Financial ministries, etc., and in theory agree with it... but we just can't see going full speed ahead with these plans until our kids are older. We are working on getting out of debt (though not as forcefully as many plans recommend), and beginning a small savings plan for emergencies, but to accomplish much more than that would require either me going to work, or dh taking on a second job, in addition to eliminating the small fun family things that we currently do-- and we just don't feel with three kids ages 13, 8, and 6, like that is how we want to spend their growing up years. Spending the next ten years with our children living like misers, and spending more time away from them working, so that when the kids are gone we will have more money just doesn't appeal to us right now. It seems to me that when the kids are older, I can work full-time, doubling our income, and we can make big strides in much less time, working toward those bigger financial goals. But I don't know anyone else who is taking this approach. Everyone I know who cares about being financially responsible is committed to reaching those goals now, and sacrifices time with the family now to accomplish that. Is anyone else out there thinking about this the way that we are? Erica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
athena1277 Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 We haven't actually taken a particular approach to spending/saving, but we aren't too far from where you are. We pay the bills, have a little fun, but that's about it. I would like to save more, but it's just not going to happen right now. Thanks for the post, it makes me feel better about where we are financially! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Yup. I mean, we're not up to heads-above-water yet, so it's pretty much full-force-ahead despite lost family time for now, but once we're about where y'all are...well...we at least want to balance our financial perspective w/ our family perspective, kwim? But I think success probably lies in working smarter, not nec. longer & harder. Or maybe what I mean is, it's a combination of the 3. You can work long & hard, but there will be another bill to pay, & if you don't have to pay it, the next generation will. At least, that's what I suspect. But I'm a little high on reading about Rosie the Riveter & other WWII propaganda. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Oh, I completely agree. I could certainly help with our financial goals if I threw the kids in school and/or daycare and went back to work. Or if DH got a second job and we never saw him. We're not willing to sacrifice the "now" with the kids for the "later" that is not even promised to us. Not to say we are irresponsible, but I still (even in this economy) see so many families who have no time together because both parents are working to pay for the big house and toys like huge expensive SUVs and boats. I want so badly to downsize my house (and we are close to getting it ready for the market) and start over with a fresh and less expensive slate! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I agree depending on the situation. We could also get further ahead quickly if I went back to work or if we cut out weekend trips and such, but the kids are only young once. We take ideas from several sources and do what is best for us. If a family is in debt up to their ears and it is causing family strife, then obviously no one is enjoying family time and more money needs to come in to pay those bills and bring harmony back to the family. If your family is happy where you are, then keep on keepin' on IMHO. The kids will be grown before you know it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 I agree also. We loved the DR stuff (we watched the videos and got a book). However, we really don't feel it's best for hubby to work a second job (and now that hubby lost the first job, wondering what we can "get by with" rather than looking to completely replace it). The relationship we have as a family is top for us. And though I know it could be great for us to be ready for the future (if God doesn't handle things before our "future" comes), I hate putting that emphasis on our life now. It seems that you can live your life one of two directions. You can focus on the future or you can work past the past. The latter allows you to have more of a present which is more important to us family wise and spirituallly. Now that isn't to say we make extra poor choices. We don't have a single credit card, much less are we wracking up thousands of dollars on one (or more) as is average these days. We live fairly cheaply (a/c up, low mortgage, older vehicles, etc). Anyway, so I agree to at least to some extent. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 Each family has to make their own choices on these matters. We took over a 50% pay cut 10 years ago to move back to Ohio from our home in Florida so that we could be with my widowed mil and my aging parents. My father has since passed away, and I am soooo thankful that we had those last few years with him. Our choice is that we live near family in an area where dh makes a relatively low salary. However, as part of that choice, he selected a job where he is home every night and doesn't have to wear a pager or get called in after hours. The bottom line is that we MUST live within our means to be able to continue our chosen lifestyle. We do lots of fun family things, but they include fishing at the local lake, watching dd's new kittens play on the porch, performing at local gospel music "sings", visiting local festivals with no admission costs (like the Sweet Corn Festival this evening--yummmm). Disney vacations? No. I recall having a wonderful childhood with loads of time with my parents. As an adult, my mother often mentions how poor we were then. Db and I never noticed it at all. We just hought when mom and dad said no to something they were just being mean! We had no idea they couldn't afford it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 This sounds just like us! You are not alone! When I quit work we took a hit, and even though we have savings and are mostly debt free, we don't have fully funded retirement, etc. Older cars, incredibly shrinking home, and we live pretty simply. When the kids are older I will likely head back to work, but for now they are better off with mommy home:001_smile: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ravin Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 We've actually decided to go back to school, so it's going to be at least five years before we hit something resembling "stable". My mom reminded me that she and my dad weren't in a stable position--owning their own home, stable job that did more than just pay the bills month to month, etc.--until dad was forty. I was ten and my sisters eight at that point, and I do see her point. I'd rather put our educations and long-term stability on the plate, and in the day-to-day just make sure our priorities--mostly DD--get met. If I can do that, I figure we're doing good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bunnytracks Posted July 17, 2009 Share Posted July 17, 2009 It sounds like you are paying off your bills and using the little bit that is left over to enjoy life. I see nothing wrong with that. As long as your bills are paid no one can fault your choices. :) I am against being one disaster away from being homeless. I would give up family time to keep a roof over my head. Being frugal has allowed us to have ample family time without me having to work or DH get a second job. We don't have alot of extra money but we are not in debt and we have an emergency savings. Could we save more or be more frugal.. sure. but we are happy with our choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I'm 100% in agreement with you. There's always later to work - even if that work means, 'Welcome to Walmart.' The time lost that we could have spent with our family and kids is lost forever. There's no way I'd turn into a workaholic or a stooge and miss time or doing things with my family. Hubby used to be a workaholic. I've converted him... it also hit him when another of his working peers passed away in his early 40's. Who knows if we're even going to LIVE to see retirement??? That said, one doesn't need oodles of stuff or the latest fashions, and the debt to go with it, to enjoy life. Interesting enough - not all that long ago I read a study that said 'money spent on stuff never made people happier. Money spent on doing things with those they love - vacations, etc - did.' That's definitely true in our life - even when it's not much money spent (gas and free activity). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 We too live a rather non-tradtitional life. Thanks for this thread sometimes I feel alone in our situation. I was a student for..ev...er. I finally graduated and will receive as much of a grace period for my loans that I can. My husband is also a student during school year and a laborer of sorts in the summer. We see him A LOT!! I firmly, firmly believe this is the best thing for our family. Sometime we do feel pressure because it really is counter culture and I hate the idea that people would think he is lazy because he simply isn't. We have a lot of fun together as a family and feel incomplete if we aren't all together. These precious years with our children are fleeting..... I know enough about Dave Ramsey (and myself) to know it would probably not be a good idea for me to extensively read his stuff...I think I would just feak out way too much, feel guilty, etc and the bottom line for us right now is our children will only be young once. This is the decision we have made. It may come back to bite us....but I am betting we wont regret it........we may not a built up bank account, but will certainly have a memory one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I am. Aside from the fact I refuse to give up homeschooling to go bak to work f/t in a dead end job just to make an extra $200-300 to put on debts, I just got accepted to University today for a distance education program, that will take me several years to finish then off to a regular university program for 2 years, so it will be at least 7 years before I am even close to being ready to go back to the work force in a professional manner and able to get myself 100% financially stable. RIght now we are treading water and will be for some time. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renee in NC Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 You don't know how much I needed to read this thread at this very moment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
i.love.lucy Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 You don't know how much I needed to read this thread at this very moment. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 The trouble with this approach, though, is that when your dc are teens and have activities that they are passionate about, you won't have the income to cover them. This is what it's come to for a friend of mine. Her dc are 15, 13, and 11. They have a very small farm, some animals, grow some food. She cans and is very frugal. They drive old vehicles. Her dh has one decent job. She is trying to figure out what she can do to earn some money. She said obviously the best thing would be to wait another five years until the youngest is 16 and taking some community college classes and then she could go back to school or work or whatever. But the problem is getting through the next five years!! These extras are the things that make them stand out on college applications, but classes/activities for 3 teens really add up! I have told people that I want to cryogenically freeze my dc, work like crazy for a year, and then unthaw them and go back to our normal life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 "a life well spent" is a book i prefer far above ramsey or crown and seems to be more what you are doing. sorry no caps...nursing baby. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BamaTanya Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 In my efforts to get back to work this year and help out financially, I've taken out student loans. And, for the sake of the dc, I've backtracked and will be homeschooling again this year. Ah, well. With me at home, maybe we can cut some costs in other areas. Right? Hopefully, my adjunct teaching job will cover the student loans when they come due. I'm satisfied to be treading water for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KidsHappen Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 We pay our bills and eat well but we live payday to payday. The stress is killing me though. My hubby is a consultant and he has been home as much as he has been gone this year. It really worries me. There is not really a lot I could do about it though. We could tighten our belt a little and I could get an hourly job, maybe, if I was lucky but that's about it. I am not even thinking about retiring or even how to get my kids through college as we are still paying on our student loans. What little debt we have we really use. For instance we have an Old Navy card. We buy school clothes and then pay them off over the year just in time to buy for the next year. I have one other debt like that and then the rest of our bills are mortgage, utilities, car payment, insurance, medical and dental care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peela Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I would even disagree that having any amount of money in the bank or any amount of plans could possibly ultimately deliver security. It makes sense to not spend beyond your means and to save some. But the future is always uncertain and I do feel its important to focus most of our attention on now, on being with our kids and each other, rather than always planning for a future. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Radish4ever Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Nice to see I'm not alone! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JWSJ Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I'm happy to see others that have the same approach to family and finances. We could take a much more aggressive approach to our debt. But, it would mean both of us having jobs (me traveling) and putting the kids in a brick&mortor school. Our time together would be greatly reduced. We decided that we'd take the long road and enjoy our kids when they're young. I've met too many men that regretted the lost years with their children - all for finances. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaik76 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 We tried a more aggressive approach to getting rid of debt (I worked nights as a waitress and homeschooled during the day) but it was not the life we wanted to live. We're about where you are...although we own our home (Well...have a mortgage; I wish we would have been smart enough to rent...it would have been cheaper!). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I would even disagree that having any amount of money in the bank or any amount of plans could possibly ultimately deliver security. It makes sense to not spend beyond your means and to save some. But the future is always uncertain and I do feel its important to focus most of our attention on now, on being with our kids and each other, rather than always planning for a future. AMEN! Besides knowing those that died young and/or got Alzheimer's and couldn't enjoy their $$ in the future, I know of plenty that lost a lot of what they worked for in this latest economic downturn. Hubby knows so many that envy our lives with our children - that we do things and go places with them (and the kids love it too). We brought ours up enjoying time with us and going places/doing things. Others try to get theirs to enjoy it when they are teens and are starting to wake up to the lost time, but when the foundation isn't there from when they were younger... it simply isn't working for them. When mine were younger we had plenty of people tell us not to take them with us on trips as they wouldn't remember it and it was a waste of money. They might not remember some things... but it sure wasn't a waste of money. Mine love to travel now - we brought them up that way. Mine love family time. Ditto on bringing them up that way. We don't regret a thing. So what if something happens down the road... we'll deal with that then. No one can take away the memories we've created. No college has spurned my oldest for not doing paid classes or activities. Many have been impressed by what he's done and the places he's gone... and the maturity and knowledge that comes with it. ps If one camps, geocaches and looks for other free activities, traveling costs are quite low. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) We live check-to-check, take no vacations, eat out only for "big" occasions, recycle clothing from boy-to-boy, have no savings, and have to trust God for continuing through life. My nightmare scenario is that I shall end my days in some dirty, rundown county-funded nursing home, being forced to eat meat (if genuine meat it even be). DS#2 -- the one who is majoring in history, one of those "under-salaried" careers :) -- insists that he will build us a "paper box house" on the sidewalk, adjacent to his own "paper box house" ! When DD is graduated from high school, I shall be turning 62. Age discrimination will obstruct any chance of a job for me other than that of a WalMart greeter. Edited July 18, 2009 by Orthodox6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I think the main key for us has been to stay out of debt. The only debt we still have is our mortgage, and that monthly payment is rather low (less than $350/mo). In our area, debt is the kiss of death. I have seen it destroy more small family farms and happy families than anything else. I know that in cases of health care costs, divorce, and other unexpected, traumatic events it is impossible to stay out of debt. But in terms of the normal every day things, I fear it is very risky to go that route. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kari C in SC Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 These extras are the things that make them stand out on college applications, but classes/activities for 3 teens really add up! I think it is all about choices. You may have a child that needs this sort of thing for certain colleges or you could just as easily not do the classes and your child could go to Community College. They still get an education. It really is just a matter of opinion and choices. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
camibami Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 We're in this boat too! I joke that we can get the kids through college (because I'll be working then) but they'll have to support us in retirement. Its not a joke really, we *are* putting off retirement savings to allow me to be home and homeschool. Its a trade off. We can't do both, and IMO, I can work and save when the kids are grown. And if I can't, well, I guess we'll just be really poor. I can live with that, because of the wonderful years I got with my girls. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NoPlaceLikeHome Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 My dh and I have cut back dramatically. I would like to stay at home if possible with my ds:) My husband is in a start-up company so we are hoping to amass a huge savings because we believe in that for peace of mind. We downsized our house 3 years ago to save money. My car is 13 years old and I hope to squeeze as many years out of it;) My dh used car is 8 years and we hope to run it into the ground. We have zero balance on the credit cards:) We have resisted buying all of the latest gadgets/clothes. We use the library extensively and I am much better about not buying books. Our dinner out is at sam's club once or twice month for about $6.00. We make our own coffee :) I love hand-me-downs for my ds and am very grateful. I try to find as many free activities for my ds, although I do pay a very reasonable rate for karate, soccer, boy scouts. We have only taken weekend trips/day trips about twice/year for the last several years. We got rid of the satellite tv. I really have been brainstorming trying figure out ways to save more money:) I do agree with trying to find a happy medium. I could take a job part-time as a nurse, but I feel at the moment I need to take care of my health and my ds:) My dh already works very hard so taking a second job is not really an option. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I think the main key for us has been to stay out of debt. The only debt we still have is our mortgage, and that monthly payment is rather low (less than $350/mo). In our area, debt is the kiss of death. I have seen it destroy more small family farms and happy families than anything else. I know that in cases of health care costs, divorce, and other unexpected, traumatic events it is impossible to stay out of debt. But in terms of the normal every day things, I fear it is very risky to go that route. This is where I have issues... not all debt is bad. We got to where we are (living comfortably with the lifestyle we like instead of paycheck to paycheck) by taking on debt wisely. We took on debt for our farm - only to watch the housing bubble take off, so we sold parts and invested in other things. There was quite a bit of profit there that we would have lost had we not taken the gamble on debt when many said we shouldn't have - and we still have a lovely place to live. Hubby got laid off from his Civil Engineering job roughly 10 years ago. Instead of moving to find another one - which would have been easy enough to do - we took on debt to start his own business. We went 18 months without making any profit from the business, but the business plan worked and now we make more than we ever would have working for someone else. We couldn't have started it without debt. I did start subbing as a job during this time period - and fell in love with it - so now I have a part time job I like too. An extra bonus. We both took on some debt (not tons) to get our college degrees. There's absolutely no way we'd be making what we are now without them. We lost more money buying used cars (due to repairs) than we did by buying new with 0% or low interest payments. Our new cars last us for many years beyond their payments... So yes, getting into debt to just buy stuff beyond your means is bad. Buying at the top of a housing bubble is really bad (or any investment when it's high). But reasoned, fairly low interest debt is not always wrong. There's no way in the world I'd go back and do the 'no debt' method. If we did we'd be living paycheck to paycheck with minimal savings (compared to what we have now) and nowhere near the perks we have had or now have. I've even been known to take those low interest cc offers when they were really good (3% for life) and use them to the max investing in other things that pay more. Generally we make 5% off them when all is said and done - but try getting that in any other 'safe' investment like a bank account. Those cc's will be paid off as slowly as possible. Over and over again on this board all I ever read is about how bad debt is. I'm sure there are tons of horror stories - esp if someone goes over 10% on interest. However, not all of us do so I thought I'd share our story in case anyone else is wondering or has a similar philosophy. To each our own. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 The issue for us is not that debt is inherently bad, well some kinds may be, but that the money devoted to servicing the debt each month takes away from income that could be better spent or invested. I do disagree with Ramsey on the point of student loans - there is no way DH would make what he does without them, and I would not have nearly as many career options now or in the future if I didn't have my degree. I do see the point though, that as $400 per month must be paid on student loans, that is money that could have gone to savings or for vacations or lessons for the kids. For us, paying off debt aggressively is a way to "free up" some money without having to get a second job or create a stream of income. If we can sacrifice for a couple of years to get our debts paid off, then we can have many years to enjoy the fruits of our labor. I think of it more as a "sequencing" of priorities rather than a steady lifestyle of workaholism or deprival. Personally, I don't think that philosophy is necessarily incompatible with a healthy family life. It is all about how you balance it. I will agree with all that the balance lately seems to be much harder to achieve! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Holly IN Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Hhmmm Well, we are not. I work 29 hours a week at my job. Two day of each week I work from around 3 to 9:00 then the rest I work in the evening from 5 to 10. Then I work every other Saturday. This really works for us. Yes, dh and I do not see each other much. At least the kids get to see both of us. We do take vacations once a year (we took a very small one last year to see our friends in Chicago) and went to Branson, MO because our FIL paid for the condo with his timeshare points. So we went with him and MIL. This helps alot. We are very stingy and picky about what we pay for. We also plan our purchases ahead of time. We also keep each other posted about what we want to get. For example: I wanted to get an ice cream maker. So I asked dh about it and he said fine. I found one at Goodwill for $39.99 brand new. It was there because TArget broke the box and didn't want to sell it off their shelves. :) About a $30 savings there. We modified the Dave RAmsey plan to meet our needs. We have a budget we go by. It has been great at preventing us overspending. We also have a savings account that has really helped us time and time again. For ex: providing a down payment for our vehicle this year (we bought a great used suv back in April because our van was falling apart), providing us money to remodel our bathroom, pay our son's hospital bill co-pay and more. We feel better about our finances now than we ever did. We really felt that God led Dave RAmsey in our path. Since we started the Total Money makeover, a lot of things happened that was not expected. I am talking about washer/dryer falling apart and breaking down, replacing tires, and so on. Just my thoughts. Holly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) Little kids little bills, big kids big bills. Ime. Edited July 20, 2009 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Little kids little bills, big kids big bills. Ime. That would be one of my concerns - - it certainly does not get easier to get finances in order as kids get older. I also think it's a mistake to look at it as an 'either/or' situation. dh taking on a second job and not seeing the family, or mom going back to work and the kids doing to school or daycare - - these aren't the only choices. We are very committed to having the choice to homeschool, and to both of us spending a lot of time with the kids. Some of the time we spend together as a family, though, is time spent working and making extra money. We do a landscaping job as a family, and have done so since waaaay before the kids were even nominally helpful. I do some freelance writing, and the kids have tagged along on many interviews. We also own some vending machines. All told, we generally juggle three to four different p/t things in addition to dh's full-time job. It's important to us that we be financially secure, and we also like our kids seeing a very concrete connection between work and money (and to have a positive attitude toward work). I agree with not trading all your time as a family for money, but again, it doesn't have to be all or nothing. Sample jobs that allow kids to tag along, or that involve limited time away from the family: mowing lawns, landscaping, cleaning homes or offices, tutoring, vending route . . . any others? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cathmom Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 This is not answering your question but...it was much easier to not have large bills or debt when the kids were little. Once upon a time we had no debt but our reasonable mortgage and it we maxed out dh's 401k contributions, saved more etc. Now, our oldest is in college, and the economy tanked, so our portfolio tanked, and we have teens who are studying music and art, and none of that is cheap, and we only do a fraction of what other people with hsing teens do. When they were babies, all it took was a family Y membership and passes to the aquarium. Little kids little bills, big kids big bills. Ime. This is the point I was clumsily trying to make before! Those of us with both big and little dc can see the difference. When my dd was six it was $40 a month for ballet once a week. Sure, no big deal. Then the second dd turned six and wanted to start. OK, Grandma helped out. Now older dd needs to take 2 classes a week to be able to go on pointe, and younger dd is still taking one. Now we have 3 classes to pay for, one of them an hour and a half, so it costs more. The girls are growing fast, with constantly changing shoe sizes. $$ for ballet shoes and eventually pointe shoes. Now they need real leotards and tights. More $$. In a year or two, younger dd will want to take 2 classes. It will go up from there. Sometimes they need special undergarments to go under the costumes. And this is just ONE activity (the only one my dds do right now.) I just realized last week that this year I have to send $150 for a registration fee for 3 classes, instead of $100 for 2. And now my second son will be 6 in September. I'd like him to start gymnastics. I'm not sure yet if I can afford it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I understand the desire to afford children's ballet, gymnastics, etc. I really do........however, we feel that those things come second to complete family time. Some of this is simply a matter of personal choices and values, you know? This is an extremely subjective topic because everyone values things differenly in their worlds. I also think there are alternatives; for example, we know a family who volunteers to clean the dance studio for tuition. Again, I want to mention that I really appreciate this thread because it makes me feel less alone in lifestyle choices. I grew up very poor and as a result am very creative in making ends meet; this I see as a positive part of who I am. If I wanted to take ballet as a kid, I would have had to make money somehow to do that....when I finally earned enough I took it very seriously; very seriously....now, I know that this type of thinking can go too far sometimes, and there should be times that kids should just get things because they are inherently awesome and worth it, I just feel that having to earn something as well as pick and choose those somethings adds important elements of overall character. e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Sample jobs that allow kids to tag along, or that involve limited time away from the family: mowing lawns, landscaping, cleaning homes or offices, tutoring, vending route . . . any others? Ever since hubby started his own civil engineering business the kids have tagged along to various job sites. Now that they are teens, they help him with various job sites. Obviously, they don't do the actual engineering, but they sure can do the legwork on surveying, etc. They've learned enough about his job to know that none of them are going to be following in his footsteps - but their high school job is still good for them - and hubby. The boys also help me with our hobby business of raising ponies. They can feed, groom, change pastures, help train foals to lead, etc, and a couple of them are learning to do feet. This year they also helped me give basic vaccinations. They know how to do breeding, but as of now, I just let them be gatekeepers... hubby and I handle the ponies. They get paid for their work with the civil engineering. The pony 'work' is just part of our family chores - similar to gardening. The whole family benefits when we sell a pony. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mrsrevmeg Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 Everyone I know who cares about being financially responsible is committed to reaching those goals now, and sacrifices time with the family now to accomplish that. Is anyone else out there thinking about this the way that we are? Erica I thought we were the only ones. Nice to know there are others out there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommyof4ks Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I would even disagree that having any amount of money in the bank or any amount of plans could possibly ultimately deliver security. It makes sense to not spend beyond your means and to save some. But the future is always uncertain and I do feel its important to focus most of our attention on now, on being with our kids and each other, rather than always planning for a future. We do have savings and investments and live within our means, and I totally agree on focusing on the here and now. We nearly lost our son 2.5 years ago and his life will always be 'up in the air'. I would trade any amount of financial security, any job, anything to spend time with my kids now in case I don't have the future with them. If the future comes, then we will deal with that then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 We started Crown 3 years ago and don't owe on anything but the house right now, BUT, this house is more than we need/should have. A realtor is coming over Mon. to give us a ballpark figure on what we can sell for. I am really hoping we can at least break even with what we paid plus what we fixed up plus realtor fees/closing costs. I would love to sell this house and buy a house that we can pay off in 10 years! Best of luck, Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 This idea that older children/young adults pursuing interests and talents that take them away from home is bad (less family time) is, well, absurd. There does come a point where your 20 yr old or 17 yr old or whatever has a passion or future career that needs as much intense study and time that we gave them when they were young children. I mean, the young adult who needs a mentor, or a paid professional is going to want to pursue a passion more than he wants to sit at home with mommy and daddy all day. If one has a young adult with no interests or ideas that take him away from the family for a few hours a week in order to study for his/her future, does that child even have a future, I mean a future other than living in the family basement? It's not about 'not valuing' family time. That's crazy talk. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 It's not about 'not valuing' family time. That's crazy talk. I may have missed something here as I have not read every single word, but I dont think anyone is advocating keeping kids under lock and key until they are in their twenties or something "absurd" like that in the name of family values and quality time???? And, I don't really think anyone is saying that some value family time more than others. I meant, when I wrote about values, that some think ballet is a priority, for example, while others don't. Again, this is a very subjective...very. I am having a hard time understanding how words like "absurd" and "crazy" found there way into this conversation in the first place??? I guess I feeling a bit fiesty.... but I will even venture to say that the dad who works three jobs and never sees his kids or wife so that the five year old can take ballet is a bit unbalanced. This is just how I feel about this topic, and it is something quite personal because often I feel that we have to justify our choices more than those who make more traditional choices. I guess that I feel like venting about this topic a bit because of the position of defense I find myself in more often than is anyone else's business. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shelly in the Country Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 I just want to add to all of this that for many two income families, ballet lessons and gymnastics classes are not even within the realm of possibility. These things are hardly necessary. Good enrichment if one has been blessed to afford it, but not worth turning the family upside down over. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
creekland Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 This idea that older children/young adults pursuing interests and talents that take them away from home is bad (less family time) is, well, absurd. When did anyone say this? I missed it... Most families have at least one member of the family getting paid to work too... but it doesn't mean they don't make time for quantity and quality family time. I have definitely seen many families that are way too over-scheduled (for me). One mother told me she's lucky if she's home 2 nights a month due to activities their (2) kids are in. They may wish to work for that - it's their right. It sure wouldn't be my ideal life. My kids are out of the home (without parents) two nights a week in a normal week... That's ideal for me. During chess season they also add in chess - though that's generally afternoon hours and not evening. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Erica in PA Posted July 18, 2009 Author Share Posted July 18, 2009 Thanks so much for posting, everyone. It is nice to know that there are so many others handling finances in a "non-conventional" way. I feel so radical sometimes among our circle of friends, because no one else is in a comparable situation. While dh and I would be committed to our choices either way, and know in our hearts that it's right for us to be focused on teaching and raising our children right now, and that getting financially secure can wait until I'm working full-time, it's still reassuring to know that somewhere out there, there are others doing the same thing. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hillfarm Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) When I commented that debt was the downfall of many in my area, I was commenting on one specific place and time. I live in a beautiful, rural area, which is also one of the poorest counties in our state. There are few jobs here and the ones that are in the area are not terribly stable. A person may be well employed for 3 - 7 years and then in the blink of an eye that job is gone (often the whole company gone as well). The farm two doors down is a good example. The owners both worked great jobs until one decided to retire and they bought this property. They went into debt for the house and land, and also for many improvements and other items--barns, tractors, ATV's, livestock, etc. From the outside looking in, it looked wonderful, like heaven on earth. However, 6 years after we moved here, the one who was working lost her job. Then they started getting really stressed over the payments, most of which were for things that no longer held value any where near the payoff amounts. Others were things like the barn that couldn't really be resold. They started fighting a lot about money. And by the beginning of their 7th year, they lost the farm to foreclosure, sold or gave away the other stuff for pennies on the dollar, declared bankruptcy, and divorced. I am certainly not saying that debt caused that, but had they kept themselves more in check and started out with a less expensive property and paid as they went to add the improvements, they might well still be doing okay. For my family, in our area, debt is a dangerous thing. Most of us had to incur some debt to get into our homes, but ideally we pay that debt off as quickly as possible and get on with life. We don't buy things on credit unless we have a sure way of retiring the debt should our "planned" method fail for some reason. I am not saying that it is the same for everyone, but this is our reality. And from what I am hearing on the news every evening, perhaps others might have benefitted from this backward, old-fashioned philosophy also. The whole reason I participated in this thread was to let others know that it certainly is possible to choose to live on a lower income to "invest" in family. But IMO, it is very dangerous to do so if you do not live within those lowered means. Yes, spending time with your children conveys love, but not so much if it comes with a mountain of debt they get to pay off later on. Again, IMO, we have to be wise enough to seek balance. Perhaps a second 10 hr per week part time job, but not two full time jobs. Showing the kids how much you love them by spending time cooking together, working/playing in the yard together, going for a walk together, not by providing them with expensive toys or sending them off to have expensive, but fun, beneficial experiences that are beyond your budget. Edited July 19, 2009 by hillfarm Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 18, 2009 Share Posted July 18, 2009 (edited) I may have missed something here as I have not read every single word, but I dont think anyone is advocating keeping kids under lock and key until they are in their twenties or something "absurd" like that in the name of family values and quality time???? And, I don't really think anyone is saying that some value family time more than others. I meant, when I wrote about values, that some think ballet is a priority, for example, while others don't. Again, this is a very subjective...very. I am having a hard time understanding how words like "absurd" and "crazy" found there way into this conversation in the first place??? I guess I feeling a bit fiesty.... but I will even venture to say that the dad who works three jobs and never sees his kids or wife so that the five year old can take ballet is a bit unbalanced. This is just how I feel about this topic, and it is something quite personal because often I feel that we have to justify our choices more than those who make more traditional choices. I guess that I feel like venting about this topic a bit because of the position of defense I find myself in more often than is anyone else's business. Who is talking about dads working 3 jobs to pay for ballet for 5 yr olds? I missed that, or you're making it up. I know I never worry about what other people do. My mom's influence. :) Edited July 19, 2009 by LibraryLover Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
emeraldjoy Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Who is talking about dads working 3 jobs to pay for ballet for 5 yr olds? I missed that, or you're making it up. I know I never worry about what other people do. My mom's influence. :) Wow! I am so sorry you feel compelled to bicker. I get the feeling that this lifestyle (the one discussed specfically, and asked about specifically) is not what you and your family have chosen to do. That is fine. Please just allow me to have a place to discuss the choices my family has made. e Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Wow! I am so sorry you feel compelled to bicker. I get the feeling that this lifestyle (the one discussed specfically, and asked about specifically) is not what you and your family have chosen to do. That is fine. Please just allow me to have a place to discuss the choices my family has made. e I question your rhetoric and *I'm* bickering? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sheila in OK Posted July 19, 2009 Share Posted July 19, 2009 Now there's an idea . . let me know if you figure out how to do it! :lol: I've often considered putting the kids in school for one year while I work FT and get our finances in better shape, but then I wonder how our lives would be changed at the end of that year. I have told people that I want to cryogenically freeze my dc, work like crazy for a year, and then unthaw them and go back to our normal life! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.