Did you all who had babies before 23 go to college and (more)

[TravelingChris]

I am spinning off the age poll and noticing that there are a whole lot of young mothers. When I had my first at age 26, I was the the second youngest prospective mother in my Lamaze group by probably close to 7 years. The only one younger than me was an unwed teenager. But here, I am seeing so many young mothers. My question is given economic realities, your education philosophy or any other factors, are you goingto be recommending early marriage and childbearing to your children or will you recommend them waiting until ?.

 

In my case, I married after college but in my husband's senior year since I wanted one parent at least at my wedding and my mother was diagnosed with a terminal illness. Otherwise we would have waited until he graduated too. I am recommending that my children wait until after college to get married. However, I don't recommend that they wait until they feel they are financially secure since that could be for many, many years.

[Impish]

Well, considering my dh won't allow our dds to date until they're 30 or he's dead, which ever happens later, I don't think marrying young will be an issue :lol: I've told him that the same rules will apply to our ds.

[eternalknot]

Honestly, I hadn't given it much thought but it's an interesting question. I just asked my sister what she thought (she is 17).

 

She says she learned (as the baby of eight) that there is no right or wrong way to do it. You have to go with your gut (and heart!)

 

We've had early marriages, late marriages, non-marriages, ... everything ... each relationship has experienced a unique set of challenges and blessings. I don't think there is a one-size-fits-all for this. It would have to depend on the personalities of my kids, and their goals for life. My recommendations would depend on their place and position at the time they were respectively considering it (marriage or childbearing).

 

When we first married, we were "old" compared to the other enlisted families who started families right out of high school (we were college-aged). When we moved to a professional suburban area, we discovered we are a good 10+ years younger than all of the other parents who have kids the same age as ours LOL. I think "community" matters some, too :)

[patchfire]

I got married at age 18, the same age my mother was when she got married. Dd1 came sooner than expected, 13 months later. :) My mom somewhat regularly makes sure to mention to dd1 that she needs to be "at least 25" before she gets married.

 

I don't know. The answer is different for everyone. Dh is 3 years older than me, so when we got married, he was almost done with college. I would have finished with my degree if dd1 hadn't arrived so soon - as it is, I continued going to school for four semesters - I'm 3 classes short of my BS.

 

It would also depend on my kids' goals. If they were absolutely certain they were going to grad school, I would suggest waiting until after they have the undergrad degree. Either way, though, I don't feel like it's a "failure" if they marry young. I think my mom thinks she failed that I did. I actually feel like I was lucky to find dh so quickly!

[Renee in NC]

I started college with a 2yo. I finished college with a 13, 8, 5, 3, 2, and one on the way.

 

It wasn't easy. I want my boys to wait until they can support a family (I don't think they will all go to college.) Girls? They're likely to go to college, so after that.

[Pammy]

I really don't think I will have much to say once they are 18. In my case, I emancipated myself when I was 17, and had to work full time my senior year of high school. I did start college the next fall and attended for 1 year. The next year I applied for scholarships and got accepted to a prestigious university, with the intention of working part time and getting student loans. I didn't realize how quick $25K would be used up since I had all my regular bills.. car, rent, etc. So, I had to quit after one semester. I got married at 21 and pregnant right after that, so I was unable to finish school. Over the last 15 years, I have taken a few courses here and there and in the fall I will at least have my AS degree. I intend to go back to school full time next year though. This year will be a transition.. some kids will be in ps, some homeschooled, and some tutored while I work.

 

My oldest dd used to tell me she wanted to go to college and wouldn't even consider marriage until she started her career. As the years have gone by, however, she is realizing that education is not the same measure or end all. I won't pressure her to start college until she is ready. I have seen too many girls start and give up after not being sincere in their education.

[Carrie12345]

I went to college, but didn't finish. Ds was a surprise, born when I was 21. I married dh when I was 23, a few months after *his college graduation.

 

I don't really have any thoughts on when my kids should marry. Who and why, sure, but not when or where!

[BakersDozen]

I had 2 little ones and one on the way when I graduated college and it was great! Having kids while in school helped me in many ways with money and time management, plus I didn't have time to be on my own, to indulge myself which (for me) was a good thing. I won't encourage or discourage early marriage with my dc any more than I will encourage/discourage going to college. My boys better be able to support their wife/family, though! I am hammering home to them even now that they should not start a family on the taxpayer dime. I'm excited to see my dc become parents, although the thought that I could be a grandmother by the age of 41 or so is a bit daunting.

[Michelle in GA]

I married at 19 and had my son 8 months later(yes, do the math:). I am still married to the same man 21 years later and had two more kids before 25. I was in college at the time,and tried hard to finish,but, life just got in the way. Not having a college degree is one of my biggest regrets....especially now that I will most likely have to work after I am finished homeschooling. I love my life and am so grateful for how things worked out, but, I really,really,really, wish I could have had everything I have now but just have waited 3-4 years. And yes, this is a sentiment I have shared and will continue to share with my kids.

[Melissa B]

We had our first when I was 23 and dh was 20. I have told my girls I would prefer to attend college graduations first and weddings after, but we will love them the same regardless of the life choices they make. We do hold the expectation of college for each of our children and I think it is easier to graduate first. My dh decided to settle for a 2-year degree and choose a career that didn't require a 4-year degree so he could get a solid, full time job and better support the family. I was very grateful for the on-campus university daycare program which I utilized for our oldest two dds. It isn't cheap, but the care was excellent and it made going to college easier. I think going to college first is certainly the easier route. I do worry that our children will look to us as an example and not fully realize the many difficulties in trying to go to school and support a family at the same time.

[caitlinsmom]

I married at 18, two months after my high school graduation. I started college the following year (we moved out of state and had to wait for residency) but many things happened and I withdrew my first semester in. We had our first dd when I was 21 and I once again tried to go back to school when she was a year. Once again withdrew before I completed one semester.

 

Now I have 3 kiddos with one on the way and go to school full time. I am actually glad that I waited has my life goals and philosophy have changed drastically. If I were to have completed the degree that was my original intent I would most likely be back in school anyway. Dh is also going back to school FT and working FT. For him it was a horrible mistake not to take the time when he was younger and before kids. He has so much pressure that it makes it hard sometimes.

 

When it comes to my kids I will definatly encourage them to finish school before getting married but really it is up to them. I think it would be nice to have finished degrees because you never know what the future holds (there have been many times that having a degree and actual career options would have saved us from a world of issues!) but honestly it will be up to them. If they are lucky enough to find someone that is good for them and someone they are willing to work through life with then I will hug them and accept that person in our life. 18 or 38 it doesnt really matter to me.

[Caroline]

My sister had a baby at 21. She did not marry his father. She did finish college with my mom and dad providing food, shelter, daycare and general support. She and my nephew lived with my parents until she got married to a wonderful man. My parents have set up a college fund for my nephew, although my BIL says he will pay for my nephew's college. My sister now has a masters and is working on a PhD. She tells her kids to finish college first. My BIL is enlisted in the Army. He tells his kids to finish college before having kids, getting married, or joining the Army.

[abbeyej]

Well, I had babies early, but I also graduated from university early. I was 20 when I graduated and got married, 21 when ds was born (and dd was born just before I turned 24).

 

Like you, I was by far the youngest in my Bradley Birth class. When ds was a toddler, I had a mommy-friend who was as much older than me as I was older than ds -- but our kids were the same age.

 

I really don't know what I'd encourage my kids to do. *Now* when I hear someone getting married at 20, lol, it sounds so awfully young to me! And yet, I have no personal regrets about getting married and having kids when I did. (I may have plenty of other regrets about my life and ways I handled myself and choices I made, but those aren't some of 'em...)

 

I am *extremely* grateful that dh had skills and drive and was able to support us while he finished graduate school and got his own career going. He worked very hard, and early on there was certainly worry about money, but we always had enough that we could afford rent and food and necessities.

[Kathy in MD]

I advocate a later marrage. IMHO, each spouse should have had to support themselves for at least 1 year before getting married. Living at home and contributing "rent" money isn't being independent enough to my way of thinking.

 

I feel an individual needs to learn to budget and live on his own income and make his own financial mistakes. No crutches of a second income or blaming the other individual for buying a needed pair of work shoes when the real spendthrift is buying video games and a 2nd or 3rd video system. It happens. I also feel that young adults need the freedom to spend the money, for a period, they can afford on what they want without having to consult with another individual.

 

Living on their own for a year or more also gives them the chance to impulsively stop off after work, or go to the pub after classes, without notifying another individual. With today's cell phones this isn't so bad, but when I lived at home I couldn't make an impromptu stop at a park I passed daily because my parents would worry.

 

Also the marrages of my parents' siblings who married early tended to have more severe problems than those of the siblings who married later. My df was the only one to marry after 19 (he was in his 30's) and he was the only one never to have at least separated from his wife. And only one of his siblings didn't have at least one divorce. My mother came from a much better home life, but even then the 2 siblings that married early had much rockier marrages in the early years than the later marrages did.

 

I feel that a young adult needs to develop the self confidence of knowing he/she can support him/herself before trying to support a family. They need a chance to be selfish for a while and grow up before getting married and having to sacrifice a lot for the family. They need to mature mentally and learn more about others and themselves. They need to get out the "but I never had a chance to do........" before facing family responsibilities and sacrifices. They need to have their "midlife" crisis early. They even need to learn how to ration toilet paper. :D

[Pamela H in Texas]

I'm stuck. LOL

 

On one hand, I don't suggest ANYONE, even the most mature and capable teenagers, to start a family while still a teenager (even legally an adult one). HOWEVER, had I waited, I wouldn't have had ANY children. Having two kids by 20 (one with doctor help), was necessary for me to bear kids. But then I'm back in wishing no one parent so young.

 

Anyway, I did start college at 18 (having been preg twice and having had one child). Unfortunately, my health was so bad that I didn't make it at that time. I didn't work again, outside the home, for many years. I went back to school at about 26 but still was too ill to continue. Now I'm BACK in school and doing okay. It definitely helps that my kids are teens.

 

Anyway, my children have gotten the message from us, not just preaching, but also in practical ways, to wait to have children themselves, to even wait to have a relationship with the opposite sex. They know that based on science and the scriptures, it is better to wait. My daughter has been really easy in regards to this. My ds is less sure it's necessary across the board (though thinks HE may wait).

 

But regardless, I think anything is possible. Any person determined to be educated (formally or otherwise), a good parent, a good spouse, etc CAN be.

 

It was odd to be 21 years old and researching homeschooling methods, curriculum, etc. I always felt like the baby of every group (my main group was the AOL homeschooling boards and chatrooms as well as certain "older women" in the congregation back then).

[VanessaS]

are you goingto be recommending early marriage and childbearing to your children or will you recommend them waiting until ?.

My DH was 31 and I was 24 when I had my oldest. We married a year before. Do I still count?

 

I was the youngest mother everywhere (with only 2 years of college but 8 years of professional experience). I actually really like it! And I'm going back to college this fall to finish my degree. I don't feel like I missed out on anything. I have a wonderful and interesting life and if I'd just hung out at work for another 10 years I would have been wasting my time.

But it depends on so many things. I've met other mothers who married before they were "ready" and feel like they "missed out" and still others that took a long time to find a husband worth marrying. And a lot of it depends on the husband you have.

 

What I'm going to encourage my children to do is to take a year abroad (studying or working) before college. Traveling and being completely on your own for a year or more is such an intense experience it's easier to settle down after that.

[Jami]

I was one month shy of turning 25 with my first. Dh was 23. We married after our sophomore year of college (I was 21, he was 19) and loved married college life. And we waited about a year after he graduated (I graduated and did a year of grad. school) before having ds. We also enjoyed having a few child-free married years. :) I'm not sure I'd recommend our path to my children. We did have to do quite a bit of maturing, but I think marriage probably helped force that to happen. I guess I'd look at each situation separately and then offer counsel as best I can. I am younger than many of my friends who have children the ages of my children. But I also enjoy being a younger mother in general. My mom had my sister and I at 22 and 24 respectively and I love that she's such a young, active grandmother.

[ciyates]

I was 18 when I married and 20 when I had my son. I completed college in between diapers an military moves. It was tough but what in life isn't. My husband however is 12 years old than me which made things much much easier on us. He was established in his career and supported my 110%. While it breaks my heart to admit it my son may not go to college. It will be his life to decide. I of course am trying to get him there. I pray often that he waits and marries the RIGHT person not the person that is there right now. We have been married 16 years and love it. For us it was right but because of the age difference we were both at different stages in our lives.

[kellycbr]

I advocate a later marrage. IMHO, each spouse should have had to support themselves for at least 1 year before getting married. Living at home and contributing "rent" money isn't being independent enough to my way of thinking.

 

I feel an individual needs to learn to budget and live on his own income and make his own financial mistakes. No crutches of a second income or blaming the other individual for buying a needed pair of work shoes when the real spendthrift is buying video games and a 2nd or 3rd video system. It happens. I also feel that young adults need the freedom to spend the money, for a period, they can afford on what they want without having to consult with another individual.

 

Living on their own for a year or more also gives them the chance to impulsively stop off after work, or go to the pub after classes, without notifying another individual. With today's cell phones this isn't so bad, but when I lived at home I couldn't make an impromptu stop at a park I passed daily because my parents would worry.

 

Also the marrages of my parents' siblings who married early tended to have more severe problems than those of the siblings who married later. My df was the only one to marry after 19 (he was in his 30's) and he was the only one never to have at least separated from his wife. And only one of his siblings didn't have at least one divorce. My mother came from a much better home life, but even then the 2 siblings that married early had much rockier marrages in the early years than the later marrages did.

 

I feel that a young adult needs to develop the self confidence of knowing he/she can support him/herself before trying to support a family. They need a chance to be selfish for a while and grow up before getting married and having to sacrifice a lot for the family. They need to mature mentally and learn more about others and themselves. They need to get out the "but I never had a chance to do........" before facing family responsibilities and sacrifices. They need to have their "midlife" crisis early. They even need to learn how to ration toilet paper. :D

 

:iagree:

 

I didn't marry until I was 35!! I waited until I met the most wonderful man in the world. I'll be telling my kids to wait, as well, until after college. I want them to mature and be able to support themselves. Hopefully they'll have the chance to travel and have adventures before beginning the adventure of parenting.

 

That said, I didn't realize how wonderful it was to have kids, and would have had more if I'd started a few years earlier. Luckily, God blessed us with two great kids.

 

Kelly

[Quiver0f10]

I met my Dh when I was 16, got married when I was 18, had my first baby at 20. We are raising our kids to pray and seek God's will for their lives and to be open to whatever He calls them to be.

 

However, We have pushed the boys towards choosing careers that will allow their wives to stay home with their children and our daughters to choose careers that they could do from home or with children in tow.

[Ida]

Dh and I eloped our freshman year of college rather imaturely and impulsively. When he told his mother, she insisted he get it anulled, but within a few weeks there was evidence that the marriage had been consumated. Ds 1 was born about 6 weeks before I turned 20. I did have to take some time off of school, but it was important to me to finish college because I didn't want to have that sense of incompleteness hanging over me. Dh and I transferred to the university in my home town where I would have family support. I really was finishing school just to finish, so I rushed through with summer school and AP credits and finished a year early. We found an amazing homeschooling mom to take care of ds while I was at school. She changed his cloth diapers and stored my breastmilk in her freezer. My first ds was not planned, but once he was there I knew I wanted to go ahead and have my family. My only sister and I are 8 years apart, and I didn't want that gap in my family. I completed my graduation requirements at the end of summer school and got pregnant with #2 right away. Since the school only had one graduation ceremony a year, I marched in May at the age of 22 with my husband (who finished on time having spent his senior year finishing his teacher certification requirements and internship) and a 4 day old baby. Dh got a job teaching high school and we had our 3rd and last child when I was 24. After teaching high school for 4 years, dh went back to school for his PhD and is now a college professor. I am now 32 and have a 12yos, 10yos, and 8yod. Because this is my life, I can't imagine it being any other way. I was SO ready to have babies when I had them and I was so enthusiastic about them. I was in college and had never gotten used to full nights sleep, so erratic baby sleep patterns didn't faze me. I had lots of energy and optimism. I'm loving my kids at the stages they're in now and I'll be 42 when my youngest turns 18 and I'll have lots of time to do other things with my life. That's my experience. I was extremely fortunate to have a very supportive family. Dh and I certainly went through some very tough times and some of them could probably be attributed to our immaturity, but we've grown so much from those experiences and we really have a very strong relationship because of it. It's not the course I would recommend to everyone, but it can work.

[Tree House Academy]

I had my older son 3 days before I turned 20. I finished college with a BA in English at the same time I would have if I hadn't had a child. :)

 

And no, I absolutely do not advocate for my kids to get married or have kids before finishing college. While it CAN be done...it was NOT easy, nor fun, nor smart. I was married at 19 and divorced at 22. I remarried at 23 and am still married (happily :)).

Edited May 27, 2009 by Tree House Academy

[Melissa in Australia]

I have never gone to collage, or university. I left school when I was 16. and went straight to work. got married at 18 and started a family straight away. that was how things were done in Australia 15 years ago. the only people who continued on to year 12 were people who either couldn't find a job or wanted to go to university for a profession. the government has been doing some major pushing to change that now, with a higher percentage of people finishing high school now.

I am not sure Australia really has collages like America. they have Universities, and Tafes. I really am not sure that Tafe = collage. they offer short courses on disability work, childcare, office work. they are manly a place to get certificates for job applications. there are trade schools as well for people who are employed as apprentices. ie. electricians, carpenters, hairdressers etc.

[Melissa in Australia]

ops double post

[PinkInTheBlue]

Married young here and will fight my kids " tooth and nail" if they even remotely contemplate it! I am very serious.

[MamaT]

I didn't turn 18 until 2 months after I married my dh. He was already out of college. I had my first son at 22 and my second at 24, then I started college. I graduated the May before my 3rd son was born in June. I waddled across the stage 7 months pregnant - but I finished.

 

We tell our sons that they are not ready for marriage until they can support a wife/family the way they want to. Both of my older sons are engaged. My oldest is taking his time getting through school, but plans to marry when he is finished. My second son plans to marry when he gets out of the Marine Corp. We love both the girls very much - they are just what I prayed for all these years.

 

With my daughters, they are both planning on going to college. We have talked about the qualities a good husband has, and their standards are high. Even though I married very young, I would hope they would wait until they were older and more mature. I think my dh being 5 1/2 years older than I am made him patient with my immaturity.:001_smile:

 

I have been married for 27 years and I wouldn't change a thing.

[nukeswife]

I got married about 3 weeks before I turned 23. DH was 24 and had graduated from college when he was 23 and was a fairly new Navy Ensign. We had our first child just before our 2nd anniversary so just before I turned 25 and he turned 27, I would say it was just right. Did I graduate from College, No, but I never had a desire to go. So I don't attribute me having no degree to having kids "early" In my family I was "old" to be starting a family. My grandma had my mom when she was 20 and my mom had me when she was 20. My aunts all generally had their first between the ages of 17 and 22, so I'm a late bloomer LOL.

 

As for my kids I want them to do what's best for them, be it before college, after college or if they even decide to go my route of no college. The only thing I really ask is that they at least hold off until they are done with High School and are emotionally ready to be responsible for a life other than their own.

[HeatherLynn]

I had two children and one on the way when I FINALLY went to college (as a single Mom). I certainly reccomend waiting until post college for children. Marriage, maybe, but children, try to wait.

 

JMHO.

[SheWillFly]

I haven't read the other replies just yet.

But here, I am seeing so many young mothers. My question is given economic realities, your education philosophy or any other factors, are you goingto be recommending early marriage and childbearing to your children or will you recommend them waiting until ?.

 

I married at 19 after finishing my second year at college. My husband was 21 at the time. We had our oldest when I was 21. I finished my BA with an 6 month old daughter and in the original time frame that I set out for myself when I entered college. I was finished having babies at 24. We have been happily committed to each other for almost 15 years.

 

With that bit of background I don't have any problem with marrying young and having children at a young age. However, imo age has less to do with it than maturity level, knowing yourself, knowing your partner and not living with fairytale dreams.

[Tap]

Dh and I were 22 when we were blessed with ds14. We had dated since we were 18 and we were in a good relationship so it all worked out but it was really hard in the beginning. :0) We don't have supportive families so we were on our own from the beginning.

 

I wouldn't discourage early marriage, I would discourage early children. I love that dh and I have spent half of our lives together. I love that I knew him and his friends as teens. We grew up together, and it is amazing to think that we have been together almost 19 years!

 

I wish I had got to finish college, and to have some time to be a '20-something' before being a wife and mother. I feel like I missed a step. The one consolation is that we thought that we were going to be done raising children younger than most, I could go back and finish college and travel some.....then we got unexpectedly blessed with our adopted dd (my great niece). That was the hardest part of taking her in....it was a final surrender to giving up on college and adult life without children.

[cathmom]

I had my oldest when I was 18 1/2. I never took any time off from college (did telecourses and evening courses PT when he was really little), got an A.A., then transferred and got a B.A., then went directly to graduate school and got an M.A. At 25 I had 2 dc and my M.A. It can be done.

Edited May 27, 2009 by cathmom

[OneRoomSchoolHouse]

My dh and I met in college and, for financial reasons decided that it would be best if we got married...instead of moving in together. We saw that we were wasting so much money on 2 appartments when we could live in one. We could also support each other; one of us went to school for a semester (through an engineering co-op program) while the other worked. I got married at 19, was pregnant 6 months later and had my first baby 2 months after I turned 21. My dh and I were both in College, me for Chemical engineering and him for Civil Engineering. I remember having my scheduled c-section (breech baby) on a Monday and returning to school the following Monday. This was in the middle of my Junior year courses. Dh and I talked about me not getting my degree and just staying home, but I was determined to get it. My thoughts were that if anything should happen to dh, I would be able to support my family in the way that we were accustomed to. We both graduated togther, with Engineering Honors and as Presidents of our respective societies. Looking back, I have no idea how we managed to do it, but I know that I had an outrageous drive to succeed.

 

My parents were NOT supportive of our marriage and thought we had made a horrible decision. Dh's parents were supportive, but expressed that we were very young. To this day, I still harbor negative feelings from my parents for acting the way that they did. We have been married almost 9 years and I think they see now that they overreacted. For my kids, I would definately let them make that decision and be supportive either way. I would much rather my dc's get married, then have to fight the temptation to live together or worse.

[amygabrielle]

I'm enjoying these posts!

I married at 21 and dh was 23. Had dd1 when I was 23. Everything has worked out for us. I have a really hard time finding mothers that are my age. All my "mom" friends are 5 to 10 years older than me. I'm constantly the youngest.

[cathmom]

My question is given economic realities, your education philosophy or any other factors, are you goingto be recommending early marriage and childbearing to your children or will you recommend them waiting until ?.

 

Realized I didn't actually answer the questions!

 

Umm, I don't really think I will recommend any specific course of action. So much depends on the situation at the time. A lot depends on maturity levels and personalities. I don't feel that I ever missed out on anything by having children and marrying young.

[Retired]

There are only 2 of us young mom's of teen in our home school group.

Started dating my dh at 17

I married him at 20

attended college at 21-22

I had my first child at 23

went back to college at 24

I had my second at 27 (3 weeks before my college graduation)

 

I really encourage my boys to not date until they are ready to support a family. I want their wives to have choice to stay home.

 

I really do not recommend my life to the boys. It was hard. I am 39 with a 15yo. The other moms are 48 and older.

 

The only other mom younger than me had her son at age 15. She says she doesn't regret her choices. She is still married to her high school sweetheart. She said they even planned to get pregnant:confused: What were they thinking?

[MamaT]

This is interesting to me. I have been the "young mom," as I was 37 when my oldest was 15. Now I am the "older mom." I will be 51 when my youngest is 15.

[cathmom]

The only other mom younger than me had her son at age 15. She says she doesn't regret her choices. She is still married to her high school sweetheart. She said they even planned to get pregnant:confused: What were they thinking?

 

Probably they were thinking, "If we get pregnant they have to let us get married."

 

That said, I also planned to have my oldest. The only one of my dc that was a surprise was the second twin!

 

MamaT, I hadn't thought about that - I have been the young mom and now am an older mom since I am 38 with a baby.

[Mommyof4ks]

We married at 19 after our freshmen year of college. DH and I have been together since we were 16. We had our first child exactly 18 months later, and we were truly living on love LOL. I was able to finish college though it took 4.5 years instead of 4, but that did not matter to me since I was and am a stay at home mom anyway.

 

I will NOT tell my children when they should marry, because we had a VERY strained relationship with our parents for over 2 years after we married. They were sure we would not make it, but here we are nearly 11 years and three kids later.

[NancyNellen]

Ditto to Jean, except I was 22 when I had my first, 10 months after graduating from college. We will encourage and support our children to do what they feel is right in the eyes of the Lord (assuming they are walking with the Lord.)

[coralloyd]

It really is different for everyone.

I had just turned 20 the month before we got married. I had our first dd when I was 22. I have not regretted these decisions in the least. Neither dh or I have ever gone to college. I am actually very happy about this, since we have never been in debt. I have not worked since we've been married. Dh is a completely self taught, highly motivated, web programmer extraordinaire. He has 3 businesses, and has always made more than enough for me to stay home. I am also glad my parents still have enough energy to really enjoy their grandchildren.

 

Now I know this is unusual, and I don't know if this is how it will be for my girls. That is their choice. It also depends on what, and who comes their way in life. But here's hoping :).

[Amber in AUS]

I was married at 21 and had DD at 23. I didn't attend college, we don't have that here. I did obtain a tertiary qualification and was working full time when i met my husband who is 9 years older than me with a whole lot more life experience. We just knew we were right together and were engaged within 6 weeks of meeting and married the next year. He is not tertiary qualified but has worked from the bottom up and is now a well respected engineer by title not qualification which speaks volumes here.

 

For my kids i would like them to obtain a tertiary qualification and atleast enter the workforce before having babies. That doesn't mean they can't get married during that time or move out of home or have a meaningful relationship. I would just like for them to get a little life experience first and be able to support themselves because you never know what the future holds.

[Renee in NC]

I was thinking about this some more. If someone has lots of support to go to college, they can do it. I think the reason it took me so long was that i didn't have that support. I couldn't live at home, I didn't have anyone helping to pay for it, etc. Then I got married and had another child. My dh got out of the Army right before my last semester and we moved (and I couldn't afford to go where we moved.) Then I went to night school for awhile, but dh asked me to stop for various reasons. I had more children.

 

Every time you change schools you have to meet their requirements and even repeat classes because they won't let you transfer more than half the hours required for your major. I graduated with 200 credit hours because of changing schools (and changing majors because the night school didn't have my major.):001_huh:

 

If I had to do it again, I would do it very differently.

[cathmom]

I was thinking about this some more. If someone has lots of support to go to college, they can do it.

 

 

This is true. I was very blessed to have a lot of support.

[jonesloonybin]

I became pregnant when I was 18. We got married 2 weeks before my 19th birthday and had my dd 5 months later. I was divorced by my 21st birthday.

 

I met my 2nd dh when I was 23 and we got married a year later and then had our dd 3 years after that. (We did try for dd2 right after we got married since dh is 10 yrs older than me, but had infertility)

 

I would recommend that my dds wait until after college or until they can support themselves. Also, if they do get pregnant before marriage I will caution them about marriage just because of the pregnancy. My mother was dying of cancer when I found out I was pregnant and I wanted her to be at my wedding before she died. It was a HUGE mistake. I should have NEVER got married to my 1st husband.

 

I would never want to change anything because of my wonderful dd but oh the regrets..

 

I did not go to college. I dropped out of high school and got my GED during my senior year. I got a job and took care of my mother and father and brother. I had to take over their business while my dad took my mother for treatments.

 

My mother did make it to see my daughter born. She passed away 5 months later. (she live 6 months longer than the doctor projected)

[Renee in NC]

This is true. I was very blessed to have a lot of support.

 

My SIL was still in college when she married my brother and he was supportive of her (as were her parents.) Another friend who married at the same time i did finished college as well - same reason. Other people who had children and/or married young that I know that *didn't* go to college did not have support - whether financial or otherwise.

 

If I had it to do over again, I would have convinced my dh to stay in Fayetteville so that I could finish my last semester before we moved. It would have saved me a TON of time and money if I had.

 

If any of my dc have children and/or marry before they finish college (if that is what they want) I will try to make it easier for them to finish.

[swellmomma]

Yes I did, a few times actually. I started college at 19, left it at 20 when I got pg. Went back when my oldest 2 were toddlers (3&3), then again after my 3rd was born when he was 13months old.

[DawnM]

I cannot have imagined getting married or being a mom so early! I was 29, had worked for 7 years as a teacher, and had an MA when I married and didn't have a child until age 31.

 

But that is primarily because I had not met the right man until I was 28.

 

That said, I would still strongly encourage any young woman to get a degree before having kids. I have several friends who did NOT do this (even some hsers) and have had to go through divorces or husband's dying, and have had nothing to fall back on to earn an income.

 

Dawn

[Kari C in SC]

I haven't read the other responses, but I am encouraging them to get married when they are in love and know in their hearts the time is right. That may be before college. It may be after. It may be during. Maybe they won't go to college. My oldest is 20 right now and serving in Iraq. He hasn't found "the one". He still has 3 more years of service. He may find somebody while he is enlisted. After he gets out, he thinks he is going to go to school to be a radiology tech. He may meet her then. Who knows! I just encourage them to be in love and not lust.

 

For the record, I met my dh when I was 14 and he was 15. We had our first child when we were just weeks away of being 17 and 18. We married at 18 and 19. We both finished 2 year associate degrees on the traditional time table. I was 20 and he was 21. He then went back to trade school for a couple of years. We will be celebrating our 19th wedding anniversary next month. Has it all been easy? Heck no! Did we need a lot of help from my parents in the beginning? Sure. Would I tell my kids to have a baby in high school or even right after graduation? Probably not. Would I support them if they did? Absolutely. It is way too hard to predict the future.

Edited May 27, 2009 by Kari C in SC

[abbeyej]

...I didn't attend college, we don't have that here...

 

In the US, we use the words "college" and "university" almost interchangeably. I realize "college" doesn't mean the same thing outside of the US...

[Kari C in SC]

Probably they were thinking, "If we get pregnant they have to let us get married."

 

That said, I also planned to have my oldest. The only one of my dc that was a surprise was the second twin!

 

MamaT, I hadn't thought about that - I have been the young mom and now am an older mom since I am 38 with a baby.

 

Well, my dh and I were some of those teens that actually planned to get pregnant. I can tell you why we did it. My dh came from a pretty bad home life as a kid. He moved out of his parents house at 13. He lived with one grandma for awhile. Then he moved out and lived here and there and everywhere for awhile. Lots of friends and one adult family took him in. Finally, he ended up with his other grandparents. We fell in love. Yes it was young love, but it was and still is plain and simple love. He desperately wanted a family to call his own. My family loved him (my mom adores him). So, in my 16 year old mind, I gave in and had a family with him. That child is 20 years old and has been such a delight in our lives. My dad became severly disabled 1 month after I had this baby. My family had hard days ahead. Both of my parents always said that ds had been sent by God to remind them of better things that illness. He was and is a gift and came at just the right time. So, no, we didn't plan to get pregnant so they would let us get married. We planned to get pregnant to create a family. I don't condone it. All of my kids know our story. I tell them all that it wasn't the wisest thing I ever did, but I feel very certain it all happened exactly the way God planned.