Could you live like this scenario

[Elizabeth86]

2 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Do you know anyone who is in construction? My dh has a good friend who’s helped him see reality on a couple projects when I couldn’t get through to him.

No not really.

[kbutton]

1 minute ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Right, but see, I’m a really outdoorsy person. We will be moving from 1/4 an acre (next to crappy neighbors) to 100 acres of nature. It’s an awesome thing and it would be AMAZING if he’d just go for putting idk like $25-$30,000 into it, ya know? Not everything sucks. They have done many nice things and has a lot of potential. 

I think that’s worth fighting for. DH and I both savers vs. spenders, and we would want the windows working and a realistic plan for floors. 

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, kbutton said:

I should also note that I grew up in a fixer upper with a DIY dad, and we had to fix a lot on both houses we lived in as DIY. I put up with a lot (happily, actually) and still think this is unrealistic with the added information.

Yes, if he could work steady on it, but his job demands a lot right now and he usually spends the weekend resting up. I insist that he does because his job is high stress and his commute is brutal.

[kbutton]

1 minute ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Yes, if he could work steady on it, but his job demands a lot right now and he usually spends the weekend resting up. I insist that he does because his job is high stress and his commute is brutal.

Well, maybe he needs a few uncomfortable, stressful weekends to make him see reason, lol! Unless by making him rest, you mean he normally takes on the kids, and you would be left with a total grouch and grouchy kids.

Really, this is temporary work. He can suck it up and do it, or he can hire it. Not sure how to get him to change flooring options, but I would point out how ugly it is, and suggest it makes better furniture while suggesting he sell it.

[TechWife]

I would not. The floors just because it would drive me crazy. The windows pose safety issues, though I assume they are breakable glass. What would bother me is that windows not opening can indicate serious structural issues with the house as a whole. If this is a house you’re thinking about buying, that would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t accept a “they’re painted shut” rationale. If that’s the case then that can be remedied & I’d want to see all of the doors & windows open & shut freely before I would close. 

Edited July 15 by TechWife

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, TechWife said:

I would not. The floors just because it would drive me crazy. The windows pose safety issues, though I assume they are breakable glass. What would bother me is that windows not opening can indicate serious structural issues with the house as a whole. If this is a house you’re thinking about buying, that would be a deal breaker for me. I wouldn’t accept a “they’re painted shut” rationale. If that’s the case then that can be remedied & I’d want to see all of the doors & windows open & shut freely before I would close. 

No no. The windows were bought used. They were in another house. They knew they wouldn’t open when they bought them used. We are inheriting this house not buying 

[TechWife]

11 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

No no. The windows were bought used. They were in another house. They knew they wouldn’t open when they bought them used. We are inheriting this house not buying 

That’s a big nope. Who knows if they are even repairable at this point? 

[Katy]

Ok, well one thing to know about windows- replacement windows are smaller than original windows.  There's no going around that unless you rip the walls down to the studs.

And cheap vinyl windows will fail to open in less than 10 years.  Less than 5 if you live in a place with extreme weather.  So I would not only put my foot down on the safety issue of the bedroom windows, I would insist on at least medium quality with a decent warranty.

[Annie G]

If the windows won’t open by using a putty knife, I’d get an estimate to replace one window in each bedroom. That’s a start. 

I like the idea posted upthread about carpet remnants as a starting point, but my worry would be a temporary fix eventually turns into the permanent fix, and that’s not good. 
 

You’re not being a diva. I think you know that, but if you waver when you talk to him, remember how many here are encouraging you to stand firm. You’re supposed to be working as a team, and this is an opportunity for him to do that. 

[gardenmom5]

5 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Would you move into a house where 75% of the floors are just subfloor? I think the smart thing would be to finish the floors first then move. WDYT?

Also, would you live in a house where the windows do not open? Does this seem unsafe? Wouldn’t you want to be able to get out if there was a fire? That not unreasonable is it?

Sorry I just need a check on myself sometimes. I never truly know if I’m being unreasonable. 

When we moved into our house, more than 75% were subfloor.  Kitchen base cabinets (and a single light bulb on the ceiling) and a bathroom so we could get them functional.  dh was doing the work.

How can you have bedrooms with windows that don't open?  that seems like it wouldn't pass inspection, let alone the permit process.  Here each bedroom in a house or typical apartment MUST have two ways of egress - via door and via window.   
How far from the ground are the windows?
 

[gardenmom5]

 If the windows are painted shut (mil did that all. the. time.. . . ), have you tried a heat gun (it will soften the paint) and a paint scrapper?  - you can try a high wattage blow dryer, but still not as hot as a heat gun.
If you get one to the point it can open for ventilation - you can use paint remover.
 

[Elizabeth86]

5 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

When we moved into our house, more than 75% were subfloor.  Kitchen base cabinets (and a single light bulb on the ceiling) and a bathroom so we could get them functional.  dh was doing the work.

How can you have bedrooms with windows that don't open?  that seems like it wouldn't pass inspection, let alone the permit process.  Here each bedroom in a house or typical apartment MUST have two ways of egress - via door and via window.   
How far from the ground are the windows?
 

Here no one gets permits for anything 

[kbutton]

31 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

They knew they wouldn’t open when they bought them used. 

Dumb decision that is not yours. You get to decide things now that it’s your house. You have to live with what you decide. Just like parenting—your kids, your decisions. His parents had their turn parenting him, and I presume they didn’t get to parent your kids. You don’t have to live with house decisions they made that are unsafe or butt ugly if you have the means to fix them.

 

[Carol in Cal.]

2 hours ago, marbel said:

This. 

And, your kids will grow up thinking that this is a normal way to live. Your daughters will put up with it in their own relationships and your sons will be the same as their dad. Ask me how I know. 

Do you get any say at all? He's just gonna move ahead with his "plan" to do these goofy floors and won't even consider a compromise? Your wishes mean nothing?

No, I grew up like this, and it made me the opposite.  My husband gets out his hammer, and I immediately try to distract him.  I will never ever be willing to live in a construction project again.  

[Carol in Cal.]

2 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Finances are really not that tight. Honestly, we have 5 kids and with the child tax credit or whatever we will get back over $10,000 next year. We don’t have much debt and will have next to none if we sell our house. I DO want to move, but I want it liveable before we go. We have cheap laminate and it looked good for about 7 years or so. I’d be thrilled with have that, but he isn’t interested. We 💯 could do the wood floor I want, BUT he is set on using the wood already available to him for free.

I would do two things at this point, strategically.

1.  Get some other, great ideas for the poplar.  For instance, Ikea uses poplar for outdoor furniture like patio tables and chairs.  Suddenly I would want a poplar deck with a table and some benches very, very badly.  The poplar does not need to go to waste this way.

2.  Make a longer list of the things that must be done 'someday' plus a medium long list of the things that should be done before moving in.  That second list needs to be longer than just floors and working windows.  

3.  'Compromise' on just the floors and windows for now.  Or the floors and maybe one window per room or something.

[Catwoman]

3 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

There is a LOT of things I’d like changed, but the the floors and windows are the only things I don’t want to budge on. Being really extra, I want to say I need a dishwasher, but I can see that really isn’t necessary. 

Wait.

What?

No dishwasher? 🤯

This is supposed to be your new house. If your dh wants you to move into a house that you don't even seem particularly excited about (other than the property,) he should be bending over backwards to make sure you have everything possible that you want in it. No dishwasher would be dealbreaker for me, and it is also bad for resale to have no dishwasher in the kitchen.

Why would you even want to move into that house? It sounds kind of awful. And if your dh is insisting on doing the repairs himself, let him move into it until he finishes all the work, while you and the kids stay right where you are. Don't get sucked into a bunch of promises, only to end up miserable in an eternal fixer-upper.

I don't care how gorgeous the property is, if the house doesn't suit your family's needs.

Edited July 15 by Catwoman

[prairiewindmomma]

Honestly, first step needs to be finishing the shed. If he cant do that, he has no business saying he’ll get around to a whole new house.

[Elizabeth86]

8 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

Honestly, first step needs to be finishing the shed. If he cant do that, he has no business saying he’ll get around to a whole new house.

I agree

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, QueenCat said:

But you do have a choice about moving in there or not. Don't let your dh think that you do not. 

Yes, this! Absolutely!

The fact is that @Elizabeth86's dh can think he's in charge and that he gets to make all the decisions, but that's not actually the case here. 

If he wants to be a cheap, obstinate, unrealistic person who is overestimating his own time and his own ability to finish all of these major projects, I think Elizabeth has no choice but to put her foot down and tell him things aren't going to happen the way he thinks they are.

I think she needs to come up with a plan for having all of the repairs and renovations completed by qualified contractors, and tell her dh that's what is going to happen. He has been acting like all of these decisions are his way or the highway, so maybe it's time he realized that his wife isn't going to tolerate that kind of dictatorial nonsense.

Money will need to be spent. You can't repair and renovate a house for free. And Elizabeth's dh has a good job, so his time isn't "free." And having time to relax and enjoy being together as a family has a huge value, as well. I think her dh is being incredibly short-sighted about all of this.

 

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Yes, if he could work steady on it, but his job demands a lot right now and he usually spends the weekend resting up. I insist that he does because his job is high stress and his commute is brutal.

So basically, the repairs and renovations on the new house will never get done.

This is not good.

Also, renovations can be tremendously stressful, so it's not ideal for your dh's mental or physical health to add more to his already tough workload and the lousy commute. In all seriousness, saving money on renovations isn't worth a heart attack. 

I know his heart is in the right place. He wants a nice house and he wants financial security for your family's future. That's really honorable! The problem is that sometimes you have to spend money, and this is one of those times.

[freesia]

If you do end up with the poplar flooring, I wonder if multiple coats of polyurethane would help with the dirt situation. 

[Elizabeth86]

7 minutes ago, freesia said:

If you do end up with the poplar flooring, I wonder if multiple coats of polyurethane would help with the dirt situation. 

Maybe so.

[Harriet Vane]

4 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Yes, you have a good memory. Yes, that’s why I’m nervous about us potentially living like this for a LONG time and NO the shed is NOT done.

Then NO. Absolutely not. 

[YaelAldrich]

15 minutes ago, freesia said:

If you do end up with the poplar flooring, I wonder if multiple coats of polyurethane would help with the dirt situation. 

But that's more time spent by someone between each coat of polyurethane. This stretches out the project even more.

[Elizabeth86]

1 minute ago, YaelAldrich said:

But that's more time spent by someone between each coat of polyurethane. This stretches out the project even more.

Exactly why I think this is an awful idea. The wood even still needs to be planed.

[prairiewindmomma]

2 minutes ago, YaelAldrich said:

But that's more time spent by someone between each coat of polyurethane. This stretches out the project even more.

If he is hiccupping over $6 hardwood, no way he is going to do 3 coats of a good poly. Bona HD Traffic is $170/bottle.

[Elizabeth86]

3 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

If he is hiccupping over $6 hardwood, no way he is going to do 3 coats of a good poly. Bona HD Traffic is $170/bottle.

Well nope. Probably not 

[Elizabeth86]

5 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

If he is hiccupping over $6 hardwood, no way he is going to do 3 coats of a good poly. Bona HD Traffic is $170/bottle.

Looks like a gallon covers 400 sq feet? No chance

[freesia]

1 minute ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Looks like a gallon covers 400 sq feet? No chance

Oh my goodness. I had no idea it was that expensive. 

[Carol in Cal.]

LOL, want to hear my dishwasher story?

The first house I ever bought, a tiny, cute little two bedroom place built in the 1930s or 40s, had a fairly small kitchen and no dishwasher.  There was no room for one, either, unless I wanted to get one of those portable ones that you hook up to the kitchen sink every time you use it, which I most certainly did not.  (If I had been more experienced, I would have thought to put it in the laundry room, which had a big concrete double sink that I almost never used.  That would have been a great spot for it.).  Anyway, I hate washing dishes, and swore that the next house was going to have a dishwasher.

So when we moved into house number two, I identified where the dishwasher was going to go, and put a taped X over the cabinet doors there, to stop ANYONE from temporarily putting something there that would make it a crucial cabinet.  We were on a tight budget when we moved it so it was a bit before we could buy that dishwasher, but by gosh that spot was RESERVED.  Because I was MOTIVATED.  Plus in a weak moment my husband said he would do all the dishes until we got it.  I can’t say that I entirely took him up on that, but he did do more than his share for the next bit until we finally got our prize.  

We moved into that house in 1991.  It has all the same wallpaper that it did then, because it was ‘fine’ when we moved in, and anytime DH starts talking about changing things up, I distract him until he forgets about it.  I really cannot stand being around renovations. 

[KungFuPanda]

Just refuse and he’ll HAVE to fix it before you move in. If you move in you could end up living like that for ages. The windows are unsafe and subfloor can be hazardous to walk on and impossible to clean. 

[prairiewindmomma]

It sounds like what he wants to do is just topnail strips of wood. This isnt even prepurchased tongue and groove. He just has raw lumber that he will have to plane and topnail. It’s going to look terrible and catch a ton of dirt because those boards arent going to notch together. Add in a lack of a poly job? Ugh. This is a hill to die on.

[Innisfree]

So, the thing is, @Elizabeth86— you have more power than you think you have. You have the ability to put your foot down and insist on finishing the floors and getting functional windows and installing a dishwasher before you move into the house.

Using that power will cause disruption in your relationship with your dh. What’s the alternative, though? It sounds like it’s accepting that he gets to make unilateral decisions that affect the whole family’s safety and comfort, while he refuses to be realistic about how much work he can handle.

So, for your thinking, not for a response here… how does he respond when you challenge him? Have you ever insisted on something that was important to you? Did he yield gracefully once he understood? Does he know how to compromise? Have you spelled out, in so many words, that these issues about the house are important to you?

I would insist on proper floors and windows. I would also insist on establishing functional communication, because the windows aren’t the only things that are stuck.

[Elizabeth86]

9 minutes ago, prairiewindmomma said:

It sounds like what he wants to do is just topnail strips of wood. This isnt even prepurchased tongue and groove. He just has raw lumber that he will have to plane and topnail. It’s going to look terrible and catch a ton of dirt because those boards arent going to notch together. Add in a lack of a poly job? Ugh. This is a hill to die on.

Yes this exactly and it was fine for them because they wanted to rugged look. They didn’t want a polished look and that’s fine if want that, but I do not.

[Carol in Cal.]

17 minutes ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Yes this exactly and it was fine for them because they wanted to rugged look. They didn’t want a polished look and that’s fine if want that, but I do not.

You can have a rugged look without having a splintery floor that you cannot clean.  I would accomplish this by using wide flooring, maybe 5-6 inch wide planks, long ones, with some color and grain variation, like hickory, or walnut that has some heartwood in some of the planks.  These can still get you a cleanable floor that is smooth and doesn’t have any grooves or crevasses.  

[Jaybee]

I'm pretty flexible, and have lived in lots of places, including most of 25 years overseas without dishwashers (so that doesn't bother me too much). If I lived in poverty and those were the conditions I had to live in, so be it. BUT...if I had any other options, that would be a hard no. Window situation is unsafe and uncomfortable when you could have nice breezes. Floor situation is untenable with pets and toddlers, not to mention being ugly. I have known several people who moved into houses while building or renovating, and it took years. One relative family built a lovely home, but the kitchen cabinets still had no doors on them YEARS later when they moved out. And over those years, there was always something they were working on. They had to finally finish the kitchen in order to sell the house. Nope. Not gonna do that. Fortunately (in some ways), my dh is not a do-it-yourself-er, because it is extremely stressful to me to live in the middle of unfinished projects. And to do it for years would mean unnecessary stress for years. I would much rather live in a smaller, simpler finished home than a "project" home that has enormous potential--if it is ever finished. 

Your dh may not realize how stressful it is for some of us to live in the middle of a project for years. He may not realize how much it would affect him and his ability to relax. My house doesn't have to be expensive or fancy. But it does have to be pretty, homey, and finished, which fills me with a sense of peace and happiness to look around my little domain. (This does not mean that my little domain doesn't currently need some new flooring in parts, but it does "have" flooring.)

[Carol in Cal.]

PS. Besides, you NEED that poplar for the lovely stage/deck you want to build for your kids to use, out some distance from the house on your acreage, and for the craft table and benches that are going to go on it.  

[Elizabeth86]

5 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

PS. Besides, you NEED that poplar for the lovely stage/deck you want to build for your kids to use, out some distance from the house on your acreage, and for the craft table and benches that are going to go on it.  

Yep and I have a storage room of sorts that I want filled with shelves for books and homeschooling supplies, arts, crafts, games you get the idea

[Elizabeth86]

8 minutes ago, Jaybee said:

I'm pretty flexible, and have lived in lots of places, including most of 25 years overseas without dishwashers (so that doesn't bother me too much). If I lived in poverty and those were the conditions I had to live in, so be it. BUT...if I had any other options, that would be a hard no. Window situation is unsafe and uncomfortable when you could have nice breezes. Floor situation is untenable with pets and toddlers, not to mention being ugly. I have known several people who moved into houses while building or renovating, and it took years. One relative family built a lovely home, but the kitchen cabinets still had no doors on them YEARS later when they moved out. And over those years, there was always something they were working on. They had to finally finish the kitchen in order to sell the house. Nope. Not gonna do that. Fortunately (in some ways), my dh is not a do-it-yourself-er, because it is extremely stressful to me to live in the middle of unfinished projects. And to do it for years would mean unnecessary stress for years. I would much rather live in a smaller, simpler finished home than a "project" home that has enormous potential--if it is ever finished. 

Your dh may not realize how stressful it is for some of us to live in the middle of a project for years. He may not realize how much it would affect him and his ability to relax. My house doesn't have to be expensive or fancy. But it does have to be pretty, homey, and finished, which fills me with a sense of peace and happiness to look around my little domain. (This does not mean that my little domain doesn't currently need some new flooring in parts, but it does "have" flooring.)

Well I really do want to move because our house is 1,070 sq ft and I feel so crowded. We have 1 bathroom for all 6 of us and one day 7. The baby has no space really here. Our neighbors suck. I want to garden and have chickens and all that and can’t here. No doubt I want to move, but I need it done nicely 

[BeachGal]

Floor & Decor almost always has particular flooring selections on clearance. You could save money and get the floor you want (and need).

Would wood-look luxury vinyl planks be acceptable? They are easy to install and you can get tongue in groove, interlocking, cork backed, water and dent resistant at F&D. I’ve seen LVP there go for about $2/sq ft on clearance.

You’ll want to figure out why the windows aren’t opening. Sounds like they’re white vinyl? Not painted?

 

[Jaybee]

1 minute ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Well I really do want to move because our house is 1,070 sq ft and I feel so crowded. We have 1 bathroom for all 6 of us and one day 7. The baby has no space really here. Our neighbors suck. I want to garden and have chickens and all that and can’t here. No doubt I want to move, but I need it done nicely 

Yes, I can see that the space is desperately needed. Maybe I sounded too pushy. (I have six kids, so I know what a difference that 2nd bathroom can make! And how hard it is to keep clutter down in a small space.) I just know that it stresses me out to live in the middle of unfinished "stuff."

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, YaelAldrich said:

But that's more time spent by someone between each coat of polyurethane. This stretches out the project even more.

Yes! And that's not even mentioning the FUMES! 🤮

Even the water based polyurethane has a nasty smell that can take a long time to go away... even when you can actually... you know... OPEN THE WINDOWS. If Elizabeth can't open all of the windows, that nasty odor is going to linger for months.

Even if she gets the safest possible varnish, I wouldn't think it would be healthy for her family to keep breathing in the fumes long term, and if this is a one-room-at-a-time project, it could literally take years before the whole house is done, so I wouldn't want to deal with it even if I could keep every window in the house open 24.7.

 

[Scarlett]

No way. You are not being reasonable.

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, Jaybee said:

I'm pretty flexible, and have lived in lots of places, including most of 25 years overseas without dishwashers (so that doesn't bother me too much). If I lived in poverty and those were the conditions I had to live in, so be it. BUT...if I had any other options, that would be a hard no. Window situation is unsafe and uncomfortable when you could have nice breezes. Floor situation is untenable with pets and toddlers, not to mention being ugly. I have known several people who moved into houses while building or renovating, and it took years. One relative family built a lovely home, but the kitchen cabinets still had no doors on them YEARS later when they moved out. And over those years, there was always something they were working on. They had to finally finish the kitchen in order to sell the house. Nope. Not gonna do that. Fortunately (in some ways), my dh is not a do-it-yourself-er, because it is extremely stressful to me to live in the middle of unfinished projects. And to do it for years would mean unnecessary stress for years. I would much rather live in a smaller, simpler finished home than a "project" home that has enormous potential--if it is ever finished. 

Your dh may not realize how stressful it is for some of us to live in the middle of a project for years. He may not realize how much it would affect him and his ability to relax. My house doesn't have to be expensive or fancy. But it does have to be pretty, homey, and finished, which fills me with a sense of peace and happiness to look around my little domain. (This does not mean that my little domain doesn't currently need some new flooring in parts, but it does "have" flooring.)

This. Having lived in a historic fixer-upper for 14 years and having friends who do…absolutely things take YEARS. Take your grimmest estimate of how long any given project will take and quadruple it. I am not exaggerating, I promise. 

YEARS.

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Well I really do want to move because our house is 1,070 sq ft and I feel so crowded. We have 1 bathroom for all 6 of us and one day 7. The baby has no space really here. Our neighbors suck. I want to garden and have chickens and all that and can’t here. No doubt I want to move, but I need it done nicely 

Valid points. But once your furniture is IN those floors are never getting done. Find a way to get to a minimum standard before you move in. 

[Scarlett]

49 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

Valid points. But once your furniture is IN those floors are never getting done. Find a way to get to a minimum standard before you move in. 

The last house we bought before this one we moved into without doing the floors first. That was a big mistake.  We did pull the popcorn down and retexture the ceilings and paint all interior…but we pulled up the carpet and moved in with bare concrete.  We eventually stained them but it was so much work and it was impossible to get them done correctly since we were living there. 

[Meriwether]

"Honey, I love you, but I am not moving into that house until the flooring of my choice is installed and there are functioning windows in each bedroom. When those things are finished, I'll sign the paperwork to sell this house and move into that one."

I'm pretty supportive of my husband even when we disagree and won't actively go against him in most situations, but I would kindly but resolutley take a stand on this. My mom did that once with my dad. He wanted to buy a fixer upper that Mom thought would still be ugly after putting money into it. The money was in her name and she just refused to sign. They ended up with a cute little house that time.

[Elizabeth86]

Thank you all for weighing in. I just want to say again, I love my husband dearly. I think he is a great and hardworking man. I have nothing against my in laws or their house. I’m excited at the idea of moving there. I just know a floor, working windows and possibly a dishwasher are a must. Thanks for confirming everything I was thinking. My dad has always been the type to want things done, right and he has always been wanted them done NOW. He never takes pride in diy, he just takes pride in the end result no matter who did it and I’m the same way. Dh’s dad was always one who could do anything and dh think he has to also. Dh’s dad worked there on the farm though and dh is away 12 hrs a day 5 days a week. I wish he could see the difference. I wish he could see that it’s ok to spend money and it’s ok to want and have nice things.

[QueenCat]

7 hours ago, Meriwether said:

"Honey, I love you, but I am not moving into that house until the flooring of my choice is installed and there are functioning windows in each bedroom. When those things are finished, I'll sign the paperwork to sell this house and move into that one."

 

Perfectly said.

[mmasc]

3 hours ago, Elizabeth86 said:

Thank you all for weighing in. I just want to say again, I love my husband dearly. I think he is a great and hardworking man. I have nothing against my in laws or their house. I’m excited at the idea of moving there. I just know a floor, working windows and possibly a dishwasher are a must. Thanks for confirming everything I was thinking. My dad has always been the type to want things done, right and he has always been wanted them done NOW. He never takes pride in diy, he just takes pride in the end result no matter who did it and I’m the same way. Dh’s dad was always one who could do anything and dh think he has to also. Dh’s dad worked there on the farm though and dh is away 12 hrs a day 5 days a week. I wish he could see the difference. I wish he could see that it’s ok to spend money and it’s ok to want and have nice things.

You are 100% correct on all of this. Floors, windows, and a dishwasher are not extravagances. Tell your dh that you want to live in the house, but these things need to be done before moving in.