Invited to a “shower”

[Harriet Vane]

Based on your additional information, I would not ever offer to this person to try to sell out of the parking lot where you work. You don’t want to invite any drama to your job. Especially a job you like so much.

I don’t have any issues with a launch party for a new business. It’s terribly hard to get a new business off the ground. But I wouldn’t stretch my budget or risk my job for someone who has shown that level of unkindness to my kid. I would likely give a nice card and buy some product once or twice.

[gardenmom5]

I have actually heard of a "truck shower".

For the owner of a trucking company whose shop burned down and he'd lost nearly everything.  (he actually set a land speed record at the salt flats with one of his trucks.  quite impressive to see him pull away at high speed -  was basically a dust cloud - from the chase pick-up truck that was going 100+ mph).   While insurance would cover larger ticket items, there's always those "little things" . . .  The other truckers in the area threw the shower for him, for all those "little things".

we did something similar for a family with four young kids whose house burned down and they lost nearly everything.  (the dad was seriously burned going back after one of the kids (who went to hide under a bed.)
in both of the above cases - the community also poured out support in droves.

your sil/niece want a "business start up shower" . . . . . I think it's kind of cheeky to suggest others foot some of the bill.

I think my response might vary according to how competent I perceive the niece.  If I thought she had the competence to make a go of things, I might be more supportive.   Otherwise I would (based on addition information) be unable to attend.

eta: and under no circumstances should you offer your business location as somewhere she can park her truck.

Edited July 7 by gardenmom5

[Catwoman]

34 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

Based on your additional information, I would not ever offer to this person to try to sell out of the parking lot where you work. You don’t want to invite any drama to your job. Especially a job you like so much.

I don’t have any issues with a launch party for a new business. It’s terribly hard to get a new business off the ground. But I wouldn’t stretch my budget or risk my job for someone who has shown that level of unkindness to my kid. I would likely give a nice card and buy some product once or twice.

I agree!

I was thinking "beloved niece," so that's what I based my comments on. 

I would definitely not get involved with recommending someone who has a history of being a temperamental drama queen, and if that person had also been mean to my own kid... NOPE. Not happening.

But I wouldn't be going to the "shower" under those circumstances, either. 

[gardenmom5]

7 hours ago, Bambam said:

That does seem odd. 
And roughly equivalent, I would think, to a "new job" shower if such a thing is held. You know, donate money so I can afford my new wardrobe for working? 

IMHO, you don't start a business without first making sure you have enough capital to pull it off, and my understanding about restaurants is it is going to be 6+ months until they are profitable (often). 
 

if they're lucky.

 

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, saraha said:

In addition, this particular niece went through a very nasty stage and hurt one of our dds very very much and continues to pretty much ignore our existence. At get togethers she sits in a corner on her phone complaining, so not a relative that is engaged with many of the people invited.

 

1 hour ago, saraha said:

Yeah, that’s why I didn’t put it in the original post. I wanted to see what reactions were to the concept without coloring it with personal information.

 

But without that very important information, I think most of us were picturing you having a good relationship with your niece, despite your difficulties with SIL, so you didn't really get our authentic answers.

As soon as you mentioned that your niece did something very hurtful to your daughter, my opinion of the entire situation changed completely. 

I wouldn't be attending the "shower" and I wouldn't be recommending the food truck to the boss.

Maybe I'm just petty, but if someone intentionally hurt my kid and basically always ignored my whole family, I wouldn't see any reason to go out of my way to do anything nice for her. 

I'm still impressed by her work ethic and her ambition, but I don't know that I would be able to put my personal feelings aside and do anything to directly support her. 

Yup. Petty. That's me. 

Edited July 7 by Catwoman
The quotes came out looking weird! Fixed them (I hope!)

[saraha]

4 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

still impressed by her work ethic and her ambition, but I don't know that I would be able to put my personal feelings aside and do anything to directly support her

Yeah, I get that. I think that’s why I was like, I will let you know if there is an opportunity for you. But not interested in going to a party for you. I respect her skills and the work she did, so think she would be an asset or a neutral if she set her truck up in the parking lot. I feel like that is supportive without engagement.

If I had a bad experience at a food truck, it would not occur to me that the place they were parked is anyway responsible for that.

[Catwoman]

1 hour ago, Faith-manor said:

Because in my area, 90% of all independently owned restaurants and 80% of all food trucks go bankrupt in the 1st year. It just isn't an investment I can get behind.

Oh, I can absolutely understand not wanting to invest in the niece's business!

I was thinking of this as more of a housewarming-type of gift, since the Amazon wish list sounded like the niece was looking for inexpensive pans and potholders, so in my mind, it would just be a little gift, not an investment in the business. Like, I know a large percentage of marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't still give a couple a wedding gift, if that makes any sense.

In the end, it doesn't matter, because now that we have the new information about the niece, I wouldn't be attending the "shower" anyway, either. So maybe we should take the money we would have spent on gifts and meet each other for lunch instead! 😀

[Harriet Vane]

51 minutes ago, saraha said:

Yeah, I get that. I think that’s why I was like, I will let you know if there is an opportunity for you. But not interested in going to a party for you. I respect her skills and the work she did, so think she would be an asset or a neutral if she set her truck up in the parking lot. I feel like that is supportive without engagement.

If I had a bad experience at a food truck, it would not occur to me that the place they were parked is anyway responsible for that.

Your boss would not appreciate it if customers to your historic site have a negative experience with a vendor on the property. Customers absolutely WILL associate the two together—they will reflect poorly on the experience as a whole. 

[saraha]

Nm

Edited July 7 by saraha

[TechWife]

3 hours ago, frogger said:

 

nm

Edited July 7 by TechWife

[Eos]

12 hours ago, Catwoman said:

I think calling the event a "shower" was a little weird, but I'll bet they were just trying to be cute and funny, like the niece is giving birth to her new business or something. They probably didn't know what to call it, so I wouldn't think twice about it being a shower vs a party or whatever.

In theory, I thinks it's nice, I like it better than a kickstarter or gofundme because it will be community-based, like a "real" shower.

9 hours ago, saraha said:

, this particular niece went through a very nasty stage and hurt one of our dds very very much and continues to pretty much ignore our existence. At get togethers she sits in a corner on her phone complaining, so not a relative that is engaged with many of the people invited.

But because of this, and your fraught SIL relationship, I would skip. 

We started our cafe business at ages 23 and 27 with very little capital and only succeeded because a) we worked our tushies off and b) we bought all used equipment and dh could fix almost everything. Many of our young employees from that era went on to start their own businesses and we always bought them opening gifts of equipment or other necessities, as hefty as we could afford at the time. When we sold the business to our right-hand woman, we structured it to be as helpful as we could to her success. 

Edited July 7 by Eos

[Faith-manor]

7 hours ago, Catwoman said:

Oh, I can absolutely understand not wanting to invest in the niece's business!

I was thinking of this as more of a housewarming-type of gift, since the Amazon wish list sounded like the niece was looking for inexpensive pans and potholders, so in my mind, it would just be a little gift, not an investment in the business. Like, I know a large percentage of marriages end in divorce, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't still give a couple a wedding gift, if that makes any sense.

In the end, it doesn't matter, because now that we have the new information about the niece, I wouldn't be attending the "shower" anyway, either. So maybe we should take the money we would have spent on gifts and meet each other for lunch instead! 😀

I like that idea! Meet for lunch! The WTM Food Truck Review Board has a nice ring to it.

[pinball]

9 hours ago, Faith-manor said:

When my daughter became a paramedic, her company did not provide any of the uniforms. It was nearly $750 in clothes, and $7000 in tuition. We didn't have a paramedic shower. When ds needed a significant sum of money for his engineering senior project, we didn't have a senior project shower. It would be awkward around here to do that.

Ah, the “nobody helped me” excuse.

That works!

[Faith-manor]

7 hours ago, Harriet Vane said:

Your boss would not appreciate it if customers to your historic site have a negative experience with a vendor on the property. Customers absolutely WILL associate the two together—they will reflect poorly on the experience as a whole. 

Around here, I think a lot of them seem to park in a centrally located spot in one of the towns like the city park or in a main, city parking lot and advertise where they will be on their facebook and instagram plus the city social media sites. The very very few that have survived did develop a good reputation, and now sometimes are allowed to park at the county hospital, down at the courthouse, and a few other choice spots. But ya, Saraha, I would not make any overture to have her come park at your job. If the food is bad or the customer service poor, your employer and coworkers will hold it against you. 

[pinball]

10 hours ago, saraha said:

In addition, this particular niece went through a very nasty stage and hurt one of our dds very very much and continues to pretty much ignore our existence. At get togethers she sits in a corner on her phone complaining, so not a relative that is engaged with many of the people invited.

I think it’s kinda ick to add all this info, especially AFTER people gave their opinions.

You didn’t give an accurate picture of the situation.

Based on this post, your niece’s past behavior negatively impacts your ability to relate and interact with her. That’s more important than any other detail. No matter what any person replied, THIS is your trump card. 

 

 

 

 

[QueenCat]

In this situation, I wouldn't do anything for the shower. If I were inclined to do anything for someone starting such an adventure, I'd explore the cost of funding some basic business courses at the local community college. 

[saraha]

2 hours ago, pinball said:

I think it’s kinda ick to add all this info, especially AFTER people gave their opinions.

You didn’t give an accurate picture of the situation.

Based on this post, your niece’s past behavior negatively impacts your ability to relate and interact with her. That’s more important than any other detail. No matter what any person replied, THIS is your trump card. 

 

 

 

 

So, I didn’t leave the personal information about my niece on purpose. I wanted to see what other people thought about a food truck shower in general. I wanted to see if my initial disdain for the idea was a rational reaction to the idea. And through discussing it, other posters helped me see the positives about the idea. I knew our personal interactions would play a part in deciding whether to go or not, but wanted to see if the idea itself was weird. 
Im sorry if I tricked people some how.

Edited July 7 by saraha
Acknowledging how other posters influenced my opinion

[marbel]

I didn't read any responses past the explanation of the relationship. 

If one of the members of my functional, loving, extended family did this, I'd be delighted to participate. I'd overlook the cringey (to me) use of the word shower. I'd happily give a gift if the relationship was such that I'd give a gift for other milestones (I'd see opening a business as a milestone, others probably don't), without regard to my perception of the viability of the business and without seeing my giving some potholders or other kitchen tools as some form of investment. 

If the relationship was strained, well then no. I mean I might go if I wanted to start a reconciliation process, but that would depend on the level of hurt, etc.  The niece described - oh heck no. There is no relationship there. 

 

 

[SKL]

It is awkwardly named for sure.

Wouldn't it be a "grand opening" that everyone comes to (if they can) in order to support the new venture?

I would help if I could, and if I had no reason to suspect I was sending good money after bad.

It's not exactly the same as bringing a new life into the world, but why are people dissing a young person's new venture?  It's exciting!  Much luck to the young person.

[Harriet Vane]

3 hours ago, saraha said:

So, I didn’t leave the personal information about my niece on purpose. I wanted to see what other people thought about a food truck shower in general. I wanted to see if my initial disdain for the idea was a rational reaction to the idea. And through discussing it, other posters helped me see the positives about the idea. I knew our personal interactions would play a part in deciding whether to go or not, but wanted to see if the idea itself was weird. 
Im sorry if I tricked people some how.

FWIW i think you did absolutely fine to share in the manner you did. I’ve seen many similar posts over the years in which part one is the-question-in-general and part two later on asks if the answers would change based on certain, more personal specifics.

[Halftime Hope]

I'd expect an "opening", which was hosted by the business owner as the cost of doing business. A shower is a bit odd. ??

[I talk to the trees]

5 minutes ago, Halftime Hope said:

I'd expect an "opening", which was hosted by the business owner as the cost of doing business. A shower is a bit odd. ??

This is my reaction exactly. "We are so excited! Come celebrate our grand opening!" is a completely different animal than "Come shower us with presents!" 

[catz]

10 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

FWIW i think you did absolutely fine to share in the manner you did. 

Totally agree.  It's a pretty common thing to post vague information to get a sense whether your own spidey senses are maybe off about something.  I mean this event is unusual.  Especially calling it a "shower".   But in some ways it's a personal kickstarter.  And we have supported a few kickstarters.  

I do think relationships matter a lot in situations like this.  When I think to my own 10 nieces and nephews and their familes and recieving something unexpected like this, there are some I would be there with bells on, some I wouldn't attend something like this at all and some I'd show up if it happened to work in our schedule with a small gift.  That doesn't mean I'd have ill will or gossip about it or hold a grudge.  I wish them all nothing but the best.  But relationships are 2 way streets and it's ok to let go of some things when you are always on the giving end of the equation.  

[pinball]

4 hours ago, saraha said:

So, I didn’t leave the personal information about my niece on purpose. I wanted to see what other people thought about a food truck shower in general. I wanted to see if my initial disdain for the idea was a rational reaction to the idea. And through discussing it, other posters helped me see the positives about the idea. I knew our personal interactions would play a part in deciding whether to go or not, but wanted to see if the idea itself was weird. 
Im sorry if I tricked people some how.

You should have completely left the badmouthing of your niece out of the thread.  Now you’ve got a dozen or more women who don’t know her thinking ill of her…and she’s barely into adulthood.

You could have said it all from the beginning…”A person I know is doing this. My inclination is not to attend for 2 reasons: I don’t like the person who owns the food truck and I think it’s a dumb idea. What do you think.?” 

I STILL think family should support family. Turn the other cheek. Put petty differences aside. Forgive and move on.

[Tree Frog]

17 hours ago, regentrude said:

I'd expect a food truck business to serve *their* food at their launch party. Pulled pork, but it's a dessert truck? Not sure I get that.

I would have this same expectation because I'd want the opportunity to try what she is going to offer. Maybe desserts will be served in addition to the pulled pork.

[Clarita]

I've never heard of a "truck shower". However it really doesn't sound too different from a business who asks for investors and help to get a business get started. (Companies have been known to throw a party/dinner/lunch to hobnob with people with access to money to get them to invest.) A lot of very successful companies got help from friends and family. Sometimes directly money, sometimes a space and a piece of equipment to start doing something, sometimes connections etc.

Given that I don't think there is a you "should" participate in this. You don't feel comfortable with the plan or the person you don't have to invest or help them start their business.    

[Halftime Hope]

3 hours ago, I talk to the trees said:

This is my reaction exactly. "We are so excited! Come celebrate our grand opening!" is a completely different animal than "Come shower us with presents!" 

If the shower is widely publicized to the community, it could backfire on the business owner, through no fault of her own. 

At the opening, I would not expect dinner catered either in house (mom) or by the food truck owner, rather the Grand Opening would feature what she offers, since she is in the food business. I could see that being stretched a bit if family were invited a couple of hours early and that party happened, for example, behind the food truck. And then at an appointed (advertised) time, the food truck might start their Grand Opening, and the party could move to the business side of the vehicle. but that's just one way to have her family party and a Grand Opening in the same time frame.

One advantage to doing two events combined would be to generate some excitement when people drive by and see folks (the family) enjoying what the food truck has to offer.

Edited July 7 by Halftime Hope

[Frances]

On 7/6/2024 at 12:49 PM, wendyroo said:

Couldn't the same be said about getting married or having a baby? And yet society has normalized asking your friends and relatives to give you not just the necessities (utilitarian, hand-made and pass-me-down gifts seem to have been the norm 100 years ago), but also luxuries and things your could easily borrow or do without. How could it be more tacky to ask a select group of family and close friends to help get a first business up and running...especially if they are hosting a party and providing a meal and not just asking for cash through a Go Fund Me.

Agree. My son and his spouse were recently invited to the wedding of a friend. The friend and fiancée are receiving a brand new top of the line (not starter) home for a wedding gift from one set of parents. The wedding site had links to two gift funds, honeymoon and house (they assumed for furnishing the large home). They will attend, but found the donation links extremely tacky given the situation.

[Scarlett]

13 hours ago, saraha said:

So, I didn’t leave the personal information about my niece on purpose. I wanted to see what other people thought about a food truck shower in general. I wanted to see if my initial disdain for the idea was a rational reaction to the idea. And through discussing it, other posters helped me see the positives about the idea. I knew our personal interactions would play a part in deciding whether to go or not, but wanted to see if the idea itself was weird. 
Im sorry if I tricked people some how.

You did not trick   anyone. Some people have to be ugly no matter how you phrase it. I completely understand you wanting an unbiased opinion on the concept without the back story. And you got that. I even went back and forth on it as I was reading  replies. And sure being mean to your kid does trump everything….. but it doesn’t negate your original question. 

Edited July 8 by Scarlett

[Scarlett]

8 hours ago, pinball said:

You should have completely left the badmouthing of your niece out of the thread.  Now you’ve got a dozen or more women who don’t know her thinking ill of her…and she’s barely into adulthood.

You could have said it all from the beginning…”A person I know is doing this. My inclination is not to attend for 2 reasons: I don’t like the person who owns the food truck and I think it’s a dumb idea. What do you think.?” 

I STILL think family should support family. Turn the other cheek. Put petty differences aside. Forgive and move on.

Maybe you should be a nicer human. She isn’t  required to post according to your requirements. 

[pinball]

8 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Maybe you should be a nicer human. She isn’t  required to post according to your requirements. 

I know YOU’RE fine with badmouthing family (and friends) but I’m not. 

 

[Rosie_0801]

26 minutes ago, pinball said:

I know YOU’RE fine with badmouthing family (and friends) but I’m not. 

 

We know you're fine with badmouthing your fellow board members, so you don't have the moral high ground.

Play nicely or go elsewhere.

[saraha]

16 hours ago, Halftime Hope said:

If the shower is widely publicized to the community, it could backfire on the business owner, through no fault of her own. 

At the opening, I would not expect dinner catered either in house (mom) or by the food truck owner, rather the Grand Opening would feature what she offers, since she is in the food business. I could see that being stretched a bit if family were invited a couple of hours early and that party happened, for example, behind the food truck. And then at an appointed (advertised) time, the food truck might start their Grand Opening, and the party could move to the business side of the vehicle. but that's just one way to have her family party and a Grand Opening in the same time frame.

One advantage to doing two events combined would be to generate some excitement when people drive by and see folks (the family) enjoying what the food truck has to offer.

From what I can see of the Facebook invite they have invited a select group of family. Of course she might have invited her friends in some other way.

The more I think about it, I do think it’s a weird thing to do, but don’t hate it I guess. I wouldn’t host a shower for one of my kids if they were opening a business, but would help with a grand opening. But we aren’t “shower” people or grad party people either, so 🤷🏼‍♀️

[Bambam]

5 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

We know you're fine with badmouthing your fellow board members, so you don't have the moral high ground.

Play nicely or go elsewhere.

Rosie, you have a nice way with words. 

[Harriet Vane]

5 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said:

We know you're fine with badmouthing your fellow board members, so you don't have the moral high ground.

Play nicely or go elsewhere.

Thank you.

[ktgrok]

At first blush seems odd, but we do have housewarming parties in our society. Not sure why a business warming is weirder than a house warming, other than we aren't used to it. I kind of like the idea, actually. 

[catz]

55 minutes ago, ktgrok said:

At first blush seems odd, but we do have housewarming parties in our society. Not sure why a business warming is weirder than a house warming, other than we aren't used to it. I kind of like the idea, actually. 

Do you get regularly registry info with a housewarming invite?  I don't associate gifts with a housewarming at all. 

I mean I often may bring a little something like a bottle of wine, a loaf of banana bread, maybe a plant.  But I admit, if I got invited to a housewarming with a registry included, I'd be a bit surprised.  

[Faith-manor]

11 minutes ago, catz said:

Do you get regularly registry info with a housewarming invite?  I don't associate gifts with a housewarming at all. 

I mean I often may bring a little something like a bottle of wine, a loaf of banana bread, maybe a plant.  But I admit, if I got invited to a housewarming with a registry included, I'd be a bit surprised.  

Me too. Maybe it is a regional thing. House warnings are usually a "welcome to the neighborhood" kind if thing so someone might bring a bottle of wine or a six pack of beer someone might bring a few flowers, and everyone else tends to bring a casserole or baked good. It isn't centered around d buying gifts.

[SKL]

58 minutes ago, catz said:

Do you get regularly registry info with a housewarming invite?  I don't associate gifts with a housewarming at all. 

I mean I often may bring a little something like a bottle of wine, a loaf of banana bread, maybe a plant.  But I admit, if I got invited to a housewarming with a registry included, I'd be a bit surprised.  

I don't know if anyone uses registries for a housewarming ... I guess it wouldn't surprise me.

But I absolutely consider a housewarming party a gift event.  Well, at least if it's the person/couple's first house.  The idea is that the person wouldn't have a ready stock of household items such as linens, dishes, pots & pans, even cleaning products.  It's fun (and practical) to help young people get a start with that sort of thing.  Throw in something fun like decorative pillows or a hand-made afghan.  Bring something yummy to eat in the new kitchen.

That said, it's been a long time since I've heard of anyone having a house warming party in my circles.  I guess nowadays there are more transitions between living with the folks and having to furnish an entire home.

[Catwoman]

I have never heard of a housewarming not being a gift-giving event. I'll bet it's a regional thing.

[catz]

7 minutes ago, SKL said:

It's fun (and practical) to help young people get a start with that sort of thing. 

Ok, but when I'm invited to a young couple's housewarming, often there has been a wedding prior with all the registry stuff that comes with that.  

And maybe this is regional.  We had a large open house style housewarming at one point.  We invited like probably 75 people, had some buffet food.  We got maybe 5-10 small host type gifts.  I'm just as likely to bring something if someone invites us for a meal.  

I also think there is a difference between someone bringing a gift.  Maybe ASKING personally if there is a registry.  And sending someone an invitation with registry info included like gift giving is a requirement.  There can be lots of practical reasons to have a wish list or registry.  I have one on Amazon, it's mostly for my husband's convience lol.   But I wouldn't send it out to people if we moved and hosted an event.

[ktgrok]

1 hour ago, catz said:

Do you get regularly registry info with a housewarming invite?  I don't associate gifts with a housewarming at all. 

I mean I often may bring a little something like a bottle of wine, a loaf of banana bread, maybe a plant.  But I admit, if I got invited to a housewarming with a registry included, I'd be a bit surprised.  

To me a housewarming is DEFINITELY a bring a gift event. But no, never seen registries. 

[SKL]

Yeah, I wouldn't do it for myself because I don't need anything.

I collected stuff little by little - stole a few things from my folks when I moved to the dorm; bought some stuff for the dorm; brought all that to my first apartment, received a box of hand-me-down dishes, and made a trip to Woolworths; ... my mom gave me towels for Christmas ... added a few things here and there over the years.  I definitely didn't need anything when I moved into a house.

However, I've had a blast shopping for young adults, whether they're moving into their first apartment, or moving into transitional housing after rehab, or whatever.  I also enjoyed shopping for my sister's wedding stuff.  🙂 I actually went with her when she did her registry.  🙂  Maybe I'm weird.

[catz]

3 minutes ago, SKL said:

However, I've had a blast shopping for young adults, whether they're moving into their first apartment, or moving into transitional housing after rehab, or whatever.  I also enjoyed shopping for my sister's wedding stuff.  🙂 I actually went with her when she did her registry.  🙂  Maybe I'm weird.

Again, I think this is about relationships!  I loved dorm shopping and sending my young adults little surprises.  My oldest kid is living in his first apartment and oh I had such a blast thrifting with him and sending him little things for his first pad.  My daughter and I are going to do a little fun shopping this week!  😍  I have nieces and nephews that we like to shop for.  The first great grandchild is on it's way right now (not my grandchild!) and I'm over here knitting away delightedly.  I happily shop wedding registries when I am invited to those events and I know and love the parties involved.  And we regularly chip in when family and friends are down on their luck.  

But I have gotten a few invitations where I've thought "now who are you again and why are you sending me a link to a registry?"  

And again, I just think there is a difference between gifting freely and generously to those you love.  And some entitlement surrounding this stuff at times.  I have zero against registry use.  We had one when we got married and I set up one when we had our oldest upon insistence from a couple relatives (we didn't have a baby shower for a few reasons).  But they were shared word of mouth by people who asked for the info.  

 

[marbel]

31 minutes ago, SKL said:

However, I've had a blast shopping for young adults, whether they're moving into their first apartment, or moving into transitional housing after rehab, or whatever.  I also enjoyed shopping for my sister's wedding stuff.  🙂 I actually went with her when she did her registry.  🙂  Maybe I'm weird.

It's not weird to want to support the people you love. And for some, supporting people means giving them stuff sometimes. With or without a registry. 

And in this particular time, when so many young adults are struggling to launch into real adulthood, I think we should give people the benefit of the doubt and support them as we reasonably can and as the relationship dictates. (IOW don't go over comfortable $ amount and don't feel obligated to give gifts to people just because they ask for gifts). 

 

[Faith-manor]

13 hours ago, Catwoman said:

I have never heard of a housewarming not being a gift-giving event. I'll bet it's a regional thing.

Oh I agree. Regional for sure. Michigan is a big haven of the high school graduation open house thing, big, huge events and often very expensive to throw. I know a lot of people born and raised in other states who had never heard of such a thing. I have heard of house warming things in other states that involved fairly generous gift giving. Here it is the neighbors stop by, introduce themselves, and dump off enough casseroles to make the homeowner cry! 😂

Edited July 9 by Faith-manor
Typos I hate the kindle

[Meriwether]

The situation struck me as weird. But today I got a card from my sister. She sent me $300 and told me to get something for our new business. It was both kind and thoughtful. And I would be happy to help a niece or nephew get started with a business by doing something similar. I'll have to remember to be proactive as they are launching in life. I don't always think of things when it is time to act. I have a niece that is interested in missions, and I have planned to start and contribute regularly to a mutual fund for her to use in retirement if she goes that route. So, in the abstract it sounds weird to me, but in practice that would just be our family being family and I would be happy to give something.

[ktgrok]

39 minutes ago, Faith-manor said:

 I know a lot of people born and raised in other states who had never heard of such a thing. I have heard of house warming things in other states that involved fairly generous gift giving. Here it is the neighbors stop by, introduce themselves, and dump off enough casseroles to male the homeowner cry! 😂

Interesting, when I think of a housewarming party, the people invited are people you know already, who come to see the new digs. Not new neighbors. 

[Catwoman]

2 hours ago, ktgrok said:

Interesting, when I think of a housewarming party, the people invited are people you know already, who come to see the new digs. Not new neighbors. 

Same here. I think of the Welcome Wagon when I think of new neighbors stopping by with stuff. 

Does Welcome Wagon even still exist? I have no idea! 

[Frances]

On 7/6/2024 at 2:51 PM, KungFuPanda said:

I’d go with it for my niece.  My BIL bought my daughter EVERYTHING on her teacher wishlist the first year she taught in public schools. Whatever gets them launched and times just keep changing. At some point you embrace the strangeness or become that old person saying “back in my day . . . “

I’m so glad you mentioned this, as I didn’t know teacher wish lists were a thing. One of my nieces will be starting teaching this fall and I will definitely be asking her for her list.