DH is so fed up with job hunting

[Laurel-in-CA]

Third time in 3 years, 6-1/2 months this time and he just got turned down AGAIN after they flew him to AZ for a 4-person interview panel, which was the 3rd interview for the job. Years of experience apparently count less than...well, almost anything based on our experience. I am so sad for him and discouraged at how much it takes to pursue a job in the world of online everything.

He will keep looking halfheartedly but will qualify for social security in less than a year. Maybe a job at a hardware store meantime?

Ah, well, thanks for listening. One kid to get through college (still living @ home) and then we can move somewhere cheaper.

[TexasProud]

8 minutes ago, Laurel-in-CA said:

Third time in 3 years, 6-1/2 months this time and he just got turned down AGAIN after they flew him to AZ for a 4-person interview panel, which was the 3rd interview for the job. Years of experience apparently count less than...well, almost anything based on our experience. I am so sad for him and discouraged at how much it takes to pursue a job in the world of online everything.

He will keep looking halfheartedly but will qualify for social security in less than a year. Maybe a job at a hardware store meantime?

Ah, well, thanks for listening. One kid to get through college (still living @ home) and then we can move somewhere cheaper.

Yeah, ageism is definitely a thing.  They probably think he will retire soon, so why invest in him...  I am so sorry and it really, really stinks.  What a valuable resource they are missing!

[desertflower]

So sorry.  Job hunting is hard.  I hope he finds something good. 

[Kassia]

I'm sorry too.  It is very hard. 

[Laura Corin]

2 hours ago, Laurel-in-CA said:

Third time in 3 years, 6-1/2 months this time and he just got turned down AGAIN after they flew him to AZ for a 4-person interview panel, which was the 3rd interview for the job. Years of experience apparently count less than...well, almost anything based on our experience. I am so sad for him and discouraged at how much it takes to pursue a job in the world of online everything.

He will keep looking halfheartedly but will qualify for social security in less than a year. Maybe a job at a hardware store meantime?

Ah, well, thanks for listening. One kid to get through college (still living @ home) and then we can move somewhere cheaper.

I'm sorry - it's hard. When Husband was job searching in his late fifties, he became convinced that he was being shortlisted as a 'balance' candidate. The companies thought they wanted someone younger, cheaper and - they believed - more dynamic, but they threw him into the pool to firm up their thinking. 

He finally had to take on a related kind of work that he really hated to carry him through to retirement.  Meanwhile I started to build my own career to compensate for the reduced earnings.

Edited January 17 by Laura Corin

[Harriet Vane]

4 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

I'm sorry - it's hard. When Husband was job searching in his late fifties, he became convinced that he was being shortlisted as a 'balance' candidate. The companies thought they wanted someone younger, cheaper and - they believed - more dynamic, but they threw him into the pool to firm up their thinking. 

He finally had to take on a related kind of work that he really hated to carry him through to retirement.  Meanwhile I started to build my own career to compensate for the reduced earnings.

We think we are experiencing this exact dynamic. It’s terribly hard on dh. He has done some big-deal things in his career and wants to keep on doing exciting, amazing, cutting-edge projects but keeps encountering walls as he looks for the next place and position. 

[Harriet Vane]

7 hours ago, Laurel-in-CA said:

Third time in 3 years, 6-1/2 months this time and he just got turned down AGAIN after they flew him to AZ for a 4-person interview panel, which was the 3rd interview for the job. Years of experience apparently count less than...well, almost anything based on our experience. I am so sad for him and discouraged at how much it takes to pursue a job in the world of online everything.

He will keep looking halfheartedly but will qualify for social security in less than a year. Maybe a job at a hardware store meantime?

Ah, well, thanks for listening. One kid to get through college (still living @ home) and then we can move somewhere cheaper.

It’s wretched. We’re in the middle of this soul-deadening process, too. I am so sorry. 

[Kassia]

50 minutes ago, Harriet Vane said:

It’s wretched. We’re in the middle of this soul-deadening process, too. I am so sorry. 

I'm sorry that you're going through it too.  "Soul-deadening" is a good way to put it.  

[elegantlion]

SO is having a similar issue. We are also trying to stay in the same area so there are fewer opportunities. 

[TechWife]

This happened to my sister when she was in her mid-late 50’s. She dyed her hair to cover her grey & then got on offer on the next position that she interviewed for & wanted. It’s nearly impossible to prove age discrimination because employers can always say it came down to budget or more current credentials. 

[mommyoffive]

I am so sorry.  That is so discouraging. 

[Scarlett]

 Dh will be 56 this year and currently has a good job. He has been there 7 years. I have been telling him for years that ageism is a real deal and he better pay attention and be the best employee ever. Not implying the OP’s husband was a bad employee but man losing a job at this stage of life is rough.  I really feel for you guys. 

[Catwoman]

I'm so sorry, Laurel. It would almost have been better not to have gotten that far along in the interview process, because the disappointment is so much worse when you and your dh have gotten your hopes up. 😞 

[Ellie]

Well, that sucks. I'm so sorry.

Mr. Ellie is old, too; happily, he was hired by a State of Texas agency, and there are lots of old people there. He qualified for retirement last summer, but was offered another position with a significant raise so he kept working.

[Myra]

And my son is also experiencing ageism - but in reverse!  While job searching he is facing entry- level jobs requiring 5-6 years experience

[Malory]

19 minutes ago, Myra said:

And my son is also experiencing ageism - but in reverse!  While job searching he is facing entry- level jobs requiring 5-6 years experience

We're in the same boat and it's very discouraging. 😞 

[cintinative]

I really fear this. I am so sorry OP.

My husband is 52 and looking for another job. It's hard because he knew he needed to leave this current company years ago but there is the fear that the new will be worse than the old (although at this point the "old" is quite bad).  Now we are to the point where I really fear that ageism will keep him from getting another position and yet his current situation is so very bad. I won't be able to really contribute for another year or so because I still have a junior in high school. The work I am doing part time is only covering my son's SLP therapy.  

 

[Harriet Vane]

10 minutes ago, cintinative said:

I really fear this. I am so sorry OP.

My husband is 52 and looking for another job. It's hard because he knew he needed to leave this current company years ago but there is the fear that the new will be worse than the old (although at this point the "old" is quite bad).  Now we are to the point where I really fear that ageism will keep him from getting another position and yet his current situation is so very bad. I won't be able to really contribute for another year or so because I still have a junior in high school. The work I am doing part time is only covering my son's SLP therapy.  

 

Same. 

[Spryte]

Oof. I’m so sorry this is almost the universal post-50 reality. Stay strong, all of you.

Our household will be joining the ranks shortly, and I’m pretty nervous about it.

Maybe we need a thread about how to counteract ageism when job hunting. Practical tips like covering the grey, leaving dates off a resume.

[cintinative]

5 minutes ago, Spryte said:

 

Our household will be joining the ranks shortly, and I’m pretty nervous about it.

Maybe we need a thread about how to counteract ageism when job hunting. Practical tips like covering the grey, leaving dates off a resume.

I could use this too. 

[prairiewindmomma]

Covering the grey, staying trim and fit, leaving off dates on resume….and especially staying cutting edge on your skills. Dh’s employer has been laying off people for about six months now, with ongoing waves, and he’s been spending a lot of time rebuilding his contacts. Layoffs also mean that capable people are fleeing to stability, so keeping a robust loose network of (younger up and coming) people who know the quality of work he does is important. Dh does a lot of coaching and mentoring not only because he loves it and supporting others, but because he can keep a finger on the pulse of things. Usually there’s a string of employees that will all float from one large employer to another. 

[KungFuPanda]

16 hours ago, TexasProud said:

Yeah, ageism is definitely a thing.  They probably think he will retire soon, so why invest in him...  I am so sorry and it really, really stinks.  What a valuable resource they are missing!

Or they’re thinking that for what they’d have to pay him they could hire 2-3 junior guys. DH has run into this before. Prolonged unemployment is so remarkably stressful. 

[freesia]

Dh looked fir and finally got a new job last year at 52. It was way harder than it should have been based on his experience and gifts   He went grey early and chose not to color  his hair. I wonder if that was a mistake. Although he did end up somewhere perfect for him. 

[Arcadia]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

Or they’re thinking that for what they’d have to pay him they could hire 2-3 junior guys. DH has run into this before. Prolonged unemployment is so remarkably stressful. 

It depends on the pay structure. At my husband’s workplace, staff hit the ceiling fast so the salary difference is negligible for the same level, same job. For my husband’s department, pandemic hires cost more because competing tech companies were willing to pay more and give more (staggered) sign on bonuses. It has been LIFO mostly where my husband work because it is easiest to cost cut by pay and the pandemic hires cost more compared to the few years before pandemic. 
 

ETA:

His employer did a few big rounds last year of layoffs and more to come this year.

Edited January 17 by Arcadia

[Heartstrings]

A good linked in profile is probably even more important for some one older, it can show a bit of staying up with things.  

[kathyl]

15 hours ago, TechWife said:

This happened to my sister when she was in her mid-late 50’s. She dyed her hair to cover her grey & then got on offer on the next position that she interviewed for & wanted. It’s nearly impossible to prove age discrimination because employers can always say it came down to budget or more current credentials. 

 

Dh was job hunting at 57yo.  He went on a few interviews and the "feedback" from the headhunter was:

- They said dh was too old and will probably just sit at his desk waiting for retirement

- "Can you dye your hair?"

 

The only thing that enabled dh to get a job was his contacts from previous jobs.  He had had a boss at a couple of different places over the years who knew him and insisted the company hire dh.  It was a HCOL area, but we went anyway.  And when that job died, dh went to work for a nearby company where he also had contacts.  It all worked out in the end because we found cheap housing, accidentally. 

IOW, those contacts are extremely important.

OP, I hope your dh finds something soon.  

Edited January 18 by kathyl

[Laurel-in-CA]

DH has been dying his hair for awhile so it will at least look grey, LOL. He is 66 and very fit (ping pong or pickleball almost daily, plus walk). I can't believe this nonsense hits people in their 50s, but I guess it is a reality. What a lot of experience and depth of understanding those firms are missing!

We've decided that with my p/t income, social security, unemployment, and 3 kids helping with household expenses, we can make it another 6 months until he can register for full social security benefits. He's going to keep looking in his field, but also for something local and be willing to work p/t. If we can stay one more year until the last kiddo finishes college, then I'll be asking for suggestions on where to relocate! This is not a house or an economy in which to grow older gracefully, unfortunately.

Thank you ALL for your encouraging and commiserating words!