I need wise counsel

[lauraw4321]

I'm at a crossroads in my career and I don't know what path to take. I don't even know how to really evaluate the decision.

I'm hoping folks who are older and have more life experience will give some insight and wisdom. On one side is a highly stressful, lucrative career that has a lot of flexibility a lot of the time, but some inflexibility some of the time. For example, last December I billed hours every day except Christmas Eve. However, I rarely went into the office all of December. Most days I really don't like what I do for work. It isn't fulfilling in the sense of following a higher calling or true purpose.

On the other side is a career that I think would be significantly more fulfilling, but will result in a very substantial loss of pay. I would have even more flexibility, depending on how much I determine I have to work to make ends meet. While stressful, it would be something that I feel I have a personal gifting for. I would have significantly less financial margin, but far more personal/time margin than I do now.

How do I decide this? How do I evaluate? I'm spending time in prayer. I'm meeting with my therapist. My husband and I plan to discuss in depth while we are on vacation in 2 weeks. 

But I want to hear people's gut reactions, particularly if you are in your 60s or 70s. I don't have my mom. My MIL was always a SAHM, so it's not something she can relate to. I want to hear from wise women. TIA!

[Meriwether]

When we were first married, I worked but we were careful not to live off my salary. We put it toward the house. The reason we did it was so that it wouldn't be painful going from two salaries to one when we had kids.

Could you continue at your present job for a little while longer (whatever a little seems to you, but I was thinking 1-5 years), but only live on what you would be making if you switched jobs? The extra could be put into retirement. It would allow you to see if the financial side was important to you.

[fairfarmhand]

Questions to help evaluate:

What does your family budget look like?

How needed are your earnings and how bad will it be financially if you switch?

Are the ages of your kids in your siggie accurate?

How are they managing with you working?

What kind of flexibility does your dh's job have? If you swich, will that open doors for your dh's career that have to remain closed because of the pressures in your current job?

Can you switch back when your children are older?

[lauraw4321]

18 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

Questions to help evaluate:

What does your family budget look like?

We both currently max out 401Ks, can easily pay for everything we need and don't have to budget. No debt other than 1 car and mortgage.

How needed are your earnings and how bad will it be financially if you switch?

We can and have lived off of just DH's income. It adds financial stress / budgeting pressure that we don't have to think about now. Many conveniences will go away. 

Are the ages of your kids in your siggie accurate?

Yes.

How are they managing with you working?

We manage ok. We have help of my dad and my BIL who live in town, mostly with occasional driving. But it does feel stretched thin if anything else gets added on (illness, mental health struggle). My dad is 70, my mom passed away and I'm an only child, so that does loom large in my future.

What kind of flexibility does your dh's job have? If you swich, will that open doors for your dh's career that have to remain closed because of the pressures in your current job?

He has some flexibility, not as much as mine. There aren't any doors that would open for him because of me. 

Can you switch back when your children are older?

Unlikely. I already stepped away once when they were little and it's very difficult to claw your way back in.

Thank you!

[lauraw4321]

25 minutes ago, Meriwether said:

When we were first married, I worked but we were careful not to live off my salary. We put it toward the house. The reason we did it was so that it wouldn't be painful going from two salaries to one when we had kids.

Could you continue at your present job for a little while longer (whatever a little seems to you, but I was thinking 1-5 years), but only live on what you would be making if you switched jobs? The extra could be put into retirement. It would allow you to see if the financial side was important to you.

Adding in budgeting stress to the other stresses we have isn't possible. We cannot live on one salary with me working. We rely on grocery delivery, meal deliveries, cleaning services, etc. I can't work AND do all of that as well. 

[mommyoffive]

12 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

Adding in budgeting stress to the other stresses we have isn't possible. We cannot live on one salary with me working. We rely on grocery delivery, meal deliveries, cleaning services, etc. I can't work AND do all of that as well. 

Would you be able to keep those if you took the other job?  

 

I think you have to make the choice of do you want the higher paid job and can do things in your own time that fulfill your passions on the weekends or something?

Or if the fulfilling your passions is enough to deal with a tighter budget.  Maybe realistically looking at what would have to change with a tighter budget would be good. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by mommyoffive

[SKL]

I don't know your age.  For me, personally, at age 57, I don't want to sign up for any more stress than necessary.  🙂

I will say that if you're looking at a nonprofit or government type position and thinking it will be more flexible and less stressful, make sure you talk to people with that background, because IMO the low-paying jobs that are meant to be fulfilling will tend to (a) be stressful and (b) not be as fulfilling as expected, due to what we call political issues (not R-D politics, but people having conflicting agendas, having to please the big donors, talking behind others' backs, etc.).  Unless you are already wealthy, there will then be the added stress of having to make difficult financial choices.  And it may be difficult to go back to the higher-paying career after leaving it.

Now if you have no money concerns and you really like dealing with interpersonal challenges, the new opportunity may be great for you.

[Arcadia]

For me the consideration is my medical costs when my husband retires. My late mom’s medical expenses would be very high if not for my dad’s generous medical benefits. I am currently doing much more volunteer work and there is lots of politicking there too. I just pick volunteer tasks that do not involve politicking. 

[Hyacinth]

Now that I’m in my 50s with a husband in his 60s, I see how we should’ve more seriously considered retirement income when making career and financial decisions. So I would be asking myself how the lower-paying job would impact long-term savings. Maybe ask a financial planner/advisor to run one of those financial models (they have a name but I can’t remember it now…that 50-something-year-old brain isn’t as nimble as it used to be). 
 

[Calm37]

I am 66 years old. Gut reaction? Keep the money coming in while you can. Save more if you can. Life throws stuff at you at random times. Health, wealth, family situations -- it can all change in a moment's time. It sounds to me like financial stress would be harder for you than the job stress.

 

[lauraw4321]

22 minutes ago, mommyoffive said:

Would you be able to keep those if you took the other job?  

No, definitely not. I'd have to spend my extra time doing more housework/meal prep/etc.

I think you have to make the choice of do you want the higher paid job and can do things in your own time that fulfill your passions on the weekends or something?

Kid activities take up all margin of time/energy.

Or if the fulfilling your passions is enough to deal with a tighter budget.  Maybe realistically looking at what would have to change with a tighter budget would be good. 

 

Edited September 22, 2023 by lauraw4321
stopped writing accidentally.

[Catwoman]

If it were me, I'd choose the money. 

The new job may sound a lot better and more interesting, but it may also be a case of "the grass is always greener," and you could be throwing away an established career and substantially more money to discover that you're no happier in the new job than you were in the old one.

How many more years will you have to work before you can retire?

 

[lauraw4321]

23 minutes ago, SKL said:

I don't know your age.  For me, personally, at age 57, I don't want to sign up for any more stress than necessary.  🙂

I will say that if you're looking at a nonprofit or government type position and thinking it will be more flexible and less stressful, make sure you talk to people with that background, because IMO the low-paying jobs that are meant to be fulfilling will tend to (a) be stressful and (b) not be as fulfilling as expected, due to what we call political issues (not R-D politics, but people having conflicting agendas, having to please the big donors, talking behind others' backs, etc.).  Unless you are already wealthy, there will then be the added stress of having to make difficult financial choices.  And it may be difficult to go back to the higher-paying career after leaving it.

Now if you have no money concerns and you really like dealing with interpersonal challenges, the new opportunity may be great for you.

I'm 42. There's stress no matter what, it's just different kinds of stress.  Financial stress vs. work stress. Busy schedule vs. less free cash. 

I hear you on the low-paying job. I'm getting an education on that piece a bit...

Maybe the low-paying thing is my retirement job, but I'm afraid I'll have spent my whole life doing something I don't like and be too old/disabled/injured/sick (partially from stress) to actually have the ability to do that work.

[Catwoman]

Just now, lauraw4321 said:

I'm 42. There's stress no matter what, it's just different kinds of stress.  Financial stress vs. work stress. Busy schedule vs. less free cash. 

I hear you on the low-paying job. I'm getting an education on that piece a bit...

Maybe the low-paying thing is my retirement job, but I'm afraid I'll have spent my whole life doing something I don't like and be too old/disabled/injured/sick (partially from stress) to actually have the ability to do that work.

Can you save money if you tighten your belt a bit while working at your current job, so you might be able to save more money for the future and plan to retire earlier than expected?

[lauraw4321]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

Can you save money if you tighten your belt a bit while working at your current job, so you might be able to save more money for the future and plan to retire earlier than expected?

No, not really. I have to throw money at things that take time to make it all work. I can't add in meal prep, grocery shopping, cleaning to all of the things I do AND work. Not doable. It only works because I have the money to spend on things that make life more convenient.

My DH has severe adhd, and I hand off as much as I can to him, but he isn't always reliable. Oldest goes to college in 2 years. It just seems like time is running out...

[lauraw4321]

5 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

If it were me, I'd choose the money. 

The new job may sound a lot better and more interesting, but it may also be a case of "the grass is always greener," and you could be throwing away an established career and substantially more money to discover that you're no happier in the new job than you were in the old one.

How many more years will you have to work before you can retire?

No idea. DH's retirement is spread through about 6 401Ks because he doesn't have the EF to consolidate them, so it's very hard to model. I know what I have and how it's trending, but because I stepped out of the workforce and he didn't, he has substantially more than me.

 

 

[regentrude]

It depends on whether you can make family finances work and build retirement. 

I have opted for the less work intensive, less stressful, more flexible job at significantly lower pay early in life when I returned to work after being home with my little ones for a few years. We decided we could make it work for our family financially. The benefits in more time and a less stressful life for our family have been great. I never regretted this decision.
However, we are able to do this because DH has the stressful, high powered job with the income.

 

[SKL]

4 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

I'm 42. There's stress no matter what, it's just different kinds of stress.  Financial stress vs. work stress. Busy schedule vs. less free cash. 

I hear you on the low-paying job. I'm getting an education on that piece a bit...

Maybe the low-paying thing is my retirement job, but I'm afraid I'll have spent my whole life doing something I don't like and be too old/disabled/injured/sick (partially from stress) to actually have the ability to do that work.

Whatever you dislike about your current job, have you given a lot of thought to how you might be able to address that part of it without leaving the high-paying career path?

At 42 I would not go into semi-retirement.  For one thing, you have 3 kids to put through college or otherwise help them launch.

I'm not downplaying your work-life balance issues.  As a single mom, I get it.  It's hard and will be hard for about 10 more years, but unless there are unusual issues, you and your kids can get through it.  It is really nice that you are already able to work mostly at home!

[bolt.]

My gut reaction is that -- if my financial wellbeing is adequately provided for (including reasonable efforts towards retirement savings and emergency funds) -- then I'm always going to opt for less work, or better work, even if the pay is lower.

(Plus I'd also factor the length of time I could reasonably continue in, or grow from, that job; and how long it will be available for me to keep doing work in that field with that company or a similar one: I wouldn't opt for something short term with another transition in the foreseeable future.)

(Oh, and you're probably American? Healthcare costs and benefits would need comparison too.)

That's a very lucky position to be in, in that I'm in a position to make a choice like that. But really, the only two reasons to work are for fulfillment or for money to live on. You don't have to maximize the earnings just to be doing well... just not opting into something that going to fall short (either now or later).

[Catwoman]

2 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

No idea. DH's retirement is spread through about 6 401Ks because he doesn't have the EF to consolidate them, so it's very hard to model. I know what I have and how it's trending, but because I stepped out of the workforce and he didn't, he has substantially more than me.

Have you spoken with a professional financial advisor about this? It might be worth it to have someone analyze your financial situation and help you see exactly how much you have, what your retirement savings look like, and how you can maximize your financial potential in the future. 

I wouldn't be able to deal with not knowing the specifics, and I think you need all of that information before you make your career decision. 

[lauraw4321]

4 minutes ago, regentrude said:

It depends on whether you can make family finances work and build retirement. 

I have opted for the less work intensive, less stressful, more flexible job at significantly lower pay early in life when I returned to work after being home with my little ones for a few years. We decided we could make it work for our family financially. The benefits in more time and a less stressful life for our family have been great. I never regretted this decision.
However, we are able to do this because DH has the stressful, high powered job with the income.

 

My earning potential is higher than his. He has room for some upward growth, but I have more room. I already make more than he does.

[prairiewindmomma]

I will also gently point out that you have mentioned at times through the years that your marriage with your husband is challenging. If for some reason in the future you were to separate into different households, doing so while you can self support and continue to fund the extras for you and the kids would make for a less stressful transition for yourself.

[lauraw4321]

Just now, prairiewindmomma said:

I will also gently point out that you have mentioned at times through the years that your marriage with your husband is challenging. If for some reason in the future you were to separate into different households, doing so while you can self support and continue to fund the extras for you and the kids would make for a less stressful transition for yourself.

Yes, this has crossed my mind more than once as well.

[regentrude]

Just now, lauraw4321 said:

My earning potential is higher than his. He has room for some upward growth, but I have more room. I already make more than he does.

Still... the question is can you make it work on his income and your reduced income? 
A high stress, insane hours job may eventually take a toll on your physical and mental health. Life is too short to stay in a job you hate unless it is absolutely financially necessary.

[Catwoman]

Just now, prairiewindmomma said:

I will also gently point out that you have mentioned at times through the years that your marriage with your husband is challenging. If for some reason in the future you were to separate into different households, doing so while you can self support and continue to fund the extras for you and the kids would make for a less stressful transition for yourself.

I wasn't going to mention that, but I'm glad you did. 🙂

No one knows how their marriage is going to work out, but when there have already been challenging times, I think it's particularly important to maximize earnings (and also to start socking away cash in a safe deposit box for extra security for yourself and your children,) if there is any concern that divorce may loom in the future. 

[SKL]

Another thought about stress - there can be unexpected stress in the marriage/family if you change from making more than your DH to making significantly less.  It can change a lot of family dynamics.

[Catwoman]

3 minutes ago, regentrude said:

Still... the question is can you make it work on his income and your reduced income? 
A high stress, insane hours job may eventually take a toll on your physical and mental health. Life is too short to stay in a job you hate unless it is absolutely financially necessary.

I agree with you to a point, but she said, "Most days I really don't like what I do for work. It isn't fulfilling in the sense of following a higher calling or true purpose." I'm not sure that qualifies as hating her job.

I'm also not necessarily convinced that the new job would fulfill a higher calling or true purpose, either, because in the end, most jobs turn out to be just jobs -- and every job can get pretty tedious and stressful -- so if the new job is paying substantially less money than the old one, I think she might be trading away current stress for future financial worries. (And Laura might not be trading away current stress, either, because the new job may sound great but turn out to have a lot more negatives than she is anticipating.)

But in the end, my biggest concerns are for Laura's future financial security when it's finally time for her to retire, and to also be sure that she would be able to support herself and her children in the event of a separation or divorce.

It's a tough decision for sure!

 

[Catwoman]

@lauraw4321  I hope my posts aren't coming across too negatively! If you mainly want support for taking the new job, please let me know. The last thing I want to do is add more stress to your decision. 

[lauraw4321]

1 minute ago, Catwoman said:

@lauraw4321  I hope my posts aren't coming across too negatively! If you mainly want support for taking the new job, please let me know. The last thing I want to do is add more stress to your decision. 

No, I came here for wisdom and diverse opinions. And to help me think through any blind spots I have. I appreciate everyone's input.

[lauraw4321]

10 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

I agree with you to a point, but she said, "Most days I really don't like what I do for work. It isn't fulfilling in the sense of following a higher calling or true purpose." I'm not sure that qualifies as hating her job.

I'm also not necessarily convinced that the new job would fulfill a higher calling or true purpose, either, because in the end, most jobs turn out to be just jobs -- and every job can get pretty tedious and stressful -- so if the new job is paying substantially less money than the old one, I think she might be trading away current stress for future financial worries. (And Laura might not be trading away current stress, either, because the new job may sound great but turn out to have a lot more negatives than she is anticipating.)

But in the end, my biggest concerns are for Laura's future financial security when it's finally time for her to retire, and to also be sure that she would be able to support herself and her children in the event of a separation or divorce.

It's a tough decision for sure!

 

When I have transactions closing, I hate my job. That only happens (for significant transactions) about 6 times a year. Between, it's just not fulfilling.

I protect wealthy people's money. I went to law school to be Atticus Finch and I'm about as far from that as you can get and still be a lawyer. 

[Carol in Cal.]

Something to consider is whether making your passions in to a career would take all the fun out of them.

I have several hobbies that involve making things that I presumably could sell.  But I have resisted turning to any of those for income, specifically because I don’t want to have to make enough to sell, market them, and deal with all the accounting and customer service that would accompany this.  And selling wholesale would not fix that.  So I continue on the hobby/gifting path with those, and don’t quit my day job.

[Frances]

4 minutes ago, lauraw4321 said:

When I have transactions closing, I hate my job. That only happens (for significant transactions) about 6 times a year. Between, it's just not fulfilling.

I protect wealthy people's money. I went to law school to be Atticus Finch and I'm about as far from that as you can get and still be a lawyer. 

The longer I work the more I think most people don’t have a job that really fulfills them or that they like. The biggest thing that strikes me from your post is the stress of your current job. Do you have time to exercise or engage in other stress releasing activity? Because having any job, three kids, and a husband with ADHD (and maybe other marital issues?) is going to be stressful. And newly adjusting to financial stress on top of that might result in equal stress levels if you took the new job. 

[elegantlion]

Another consideration is ageism in hiring practices. My SO is in his early 60s and had a career change through no fault (or desire) of his own and has run into this. At 42, it's probably not so much an issue, but it could be in your 50s. I'm 56 an concerned about that when I look for full-time work next year. Not sure how that plays out in the legal field, however. 

I would probably consult with your financial advisor about college costs and how your income, savings would affect that as well as future retirement. 

 

[Frances]

37 minutes ago, Catwoman said:

Have you spoken with a professional financial advisor about this? It might be worth it to have someone analyze your financial situation and help you see exactly how much you have, what your retirement savings look like, and how you can maximize your financial potential in the future. 

I wouldn't be able to deal with not knowing the specifics, and I think you need all of that information before you make your career decision. 

It’s usually pretty easy to find this for free, either through your current 401k company or private financial advisors who want your future business.

[Carol in Cal.]

I think that if I were you I would look back on my career and determine when I’m busy.  Is it predictably at certain times of the year?  Then I would meditate on what adjustments to my family life would make that work better for me.

For instance, you mentioned the December crunch.  Is that on your schedule most years?  If so, can you hire someone to decorate your house festively to enjoy this season, calendar church services and other public events that are important to you, do your Christmas shopping in October, and have your major gift giving celebration in January, maybe on January 6 (Epiphany—the wise bringing gifts to Baby Jesus)?  If you can picture how to have a rich family life with celebrations galore but not when you’re working insane hours, that might go a long way toward making your current situation more bearable.

I know that for me, I hated working in engineering with a toddler.  I was such a driver at work, and such a cream puff at home, and the daily transitions were very hard on me.  DD hated being left, and I felt like a kid crying for her mother was right and me leaving was wrong.  Also, although my employer had part time professional work as an available option, people who did it were always downgraded in their reviews no matter how effective they were, and looked down on as uncommitted.  So for me, the hybrid situation of working part time was not enough to fix things.  I worked and saved until we had enough money for me to quit for awhile, and then I quit and never went back.  I’m glad, though, that I had a good enough salary to be able to save up to get to that point.  And knowing that I was going to converge on quitting by a certain date made some of the misery more bearable.  I wanted to be home so badly, and I didn’t want to have to think about work at all, also so badly.  YMMV.

[SKL]

So you have a background in law and finance?

Have you looked into possible roles in community development finance?  A number of lawyers work in that area, which involves helping people and communities.  I'm not gonna say it isn't ever stressful ... that depends on so many factors and on what day it is.  🙂  But I think it is fulfilling at least part of the time.  🙂

[Carol in Cal.]

Also, I’m convinced that DH has ADD.

We have found over the years that for reasons that are unclear to either of us emailed lists work and handwritten ones don’t.  I have no idea why this is but it is true.  That means shopping lists, lists of projects, everything.

He still bumbles through life in some ways, and it drives me nuts.  Yesterday I had to get up at 4:15AM for a distant time zone Zoom meeting, and I went into the kitchen and found a burner on that he had left burning low level all night.  It could easily have blown out and our stove is old enough that it would have continued to emit natural gas all night.  Argh.

[Jaybee]

I don't know if this is feasible, because I don't know much about how the field of law works. But would it be possible to morph to a different area of law that you would enjoy more? Look at the things you do enjoy about your job, look at the outside skills you feel you are good at, and find an area that is more compatible with those two things than your current job--is that something that could work?

[Frances]

46 minutes ago, regentrude said:

It depends on whether you can make family finances work and build retirement. 

I have opted for the less work intensive, less stressful, more flexible job at significantly lower pay early in life when I returned to work after being home with my little ones for a few years. We decided we could make it work for our family financially. The benefits in more time and a less stressful life for our family have been great. I never regretted this decision.
However, we are able to do this because DH has the stressful, high powered job with the income.

 

We made a similar decision and it worked because we only had one child, were used to living frugally due to spending lots of time getting advanced degrees (we’ve generally always lived on one income) and never really paid for convenience services (cleaning, yard work, meal delivery, etc despite having the $ to do so). Although now that my son is grown, I’ve been able to move up into a higher paying and slightly mores stressful position, but with no increased hours. While we’ve always maxed out retirement savings, my job also comes with a pension based significantly on final average pay, so taking the higher paying job now, close to retirement, will make a big difference in the long run.

In your case, I’m afraid it might be the case that your stresses would just change and not decrease with the new job. I think I might stay in the more financially secure job, at least until your kids are through college, but really look for ways to decrease stress. 

[Jaybee]

I think I remember your mentioning how much you like to teach (if I am wrong, just ignore this). Teaching positions can have LOTS of stress, and take up much more time than they appear they will. But if the part about it you enjoy is the public speaking part (that's me--I like public speaking and teaching in conference-type settings), or some other aspect of teaching, there really might be something to explore there without completely changing fields. Maybe do some brainstorming and research into new options, and maybe we can help you do some research into it more if you list for us the things you like for now, the things that drew you to law in the first place, and the things that are calling you into a different field.

[thatfirstsip]

Is there any way to split the difference here?

Is there a way to transition to a more fulfilling or less stressful area of law? 

[Faith-manor]

At this stage of life, I would choose money over fulfillment, and then trim the budget where I could, and stash money away for retirement. You will have less stress during those years of life when you aren't working, are not able to work, if you are more financially sound.

[Corraleno]

42 is still so young! You're looking at another 25-30 years of working (if you want to), so there is plenty of time to have a fulfilling second career even if you stick with the current one for little longer.

If I were in your position, I would plan to stay in the high-paying job for another 10 years or so, at least until the kids are through college. Pay off the car and the house, keep maxing out the 401K, run some Monte Carlo simulations, and by your early 50s you'd almost certainly be in a position to take a more fulfilling and lower paying job with no loss in your standard of living. And you'd still have another 15-20 years you could devote to that career (or longer if you really enjoyed it). That seems like the best balance to me — you get both financial security and a chance to have an interesting and fulfilling career. And if you didn't even need the salary at that point, you could just work as a volunteer and have flexible hours and plenty of time off for travel, visiting kids & grandkids, etc.

[Grace Hopper]

You are very busy at this stage of your life. But one day the kids will be out of the house and you’ll have more time. 
 

Just saying this as someone there now, even though I’m retired from full time family life management, I’m too young to retire. I like having disposable income for pedicures and lunches out! But I definitely want to be doing a *very satisfying* sort of job. If you can get yourself well positioned financially by staying in your current job, then years down the road transition into a more personally fulfilling type of job, that’s one way to go. However, if that preferred job isn’t something you can easily switch to - if it will benefit by specific relationship and skill building that may take years to achieve - maybe transition earlier. 
 

It would be a blessing to be able to have a lot of flexibility as you reach 60 or so. Do now what it takes - finances/savings/retirement funds, a well built social/vocational network - to put you on the trajectory to be in that position of real flexibility at age 60. Or younger, pick your target age. 

Edited September 22, 2023 by Grace Hopper

[athena1277]

Another consideration is how much money, if any, you plan to use for your dc’s college education.  College costs have gone up at an insane rate in the last 20 years.  Run the Net Price Calculator (NPC) of a few schools your kids might go to.  That will give you an idea of how much they are going to need.  They can only get the federal loan (starts at $5500 for freshmen) without a co-signer.  

[lauraw4321]

3 hours ago, SKL said:

So you have a background in law and finance?

Have you looked into possible roles in community development finance?  A number of lawyers work in that area, which involves helping people and communities.  I'm not gonna say it isn't ever stressful ... that depends on so many factors and on what day it is.  🙂  But I think it is fulfilling at least part of the time.  🙂

I'm not familiar with that area of law / finance. Tell me more.

[Clemsondana]

This may not be relevant to your situation, but would having either you or your spouse reducing work hours give the other the ability to do significantly better?  In our case, I quit/went to very part-time work when we had babies.  What we found is that having me available to take on anything that had to be dealt with left spouse able to work longer hours and say yes to any travel that his employers wanted him to do.  There have been times that he traveled more than half the month, which would have been significantly more challenging had I needed to arrange childcare around my own job.  When he is home he does whatever is needed and now, as a more senior person, tries to schedule trips around important kid activities.  In our case, though, we likely came out financially ahead by him being able to focus on career without having to worry about other things.  This is mostly because my likely path wasn't particularly well-paying, while his upper limit is much higher.  

This worked for us largely because being successful in his career was significantly helped by being able to travel on little notice for several years.  But, as you describe very intense periods in your work and it's high upper limit I was wondering if having your spouse work less might not affect your income much but might reduce stress significantly.  It's all very situation-specific, but I thought it might be something to consider.  

[Ausmumof3]

I think you have other external stressors going on as well from memory and have hated your job for a while?

DH finally left his high stress job to follow his dream career in 2020. Even with the rocky road financially that decision plus inflation plus teen kids has been, I’m so glad he did it. He’s a different person and happier than he’s been since I first met him. 
 

[SKL]

1 hour ago, lauraw4321 said:

I'm not familiar with that area of law / finance. Tell me more.

Community development finance involves helping low-income community businesses / organizations to utilize available subsidies to finance impactful projects.  Lawyers are needed since these can be pretty complex financial transactions, often involving real estate, tax issues, etc.  Some examples of projects I've recently worked on:

• Financing new construction, rehab, or expansion of grocery stores in low-income food deserts.
• Financing new construction or rehabs for health care facilities in low-income, medically underserved neighborhoods.
• Financing new, rehabbed, or expanded educational facilities, historic theaters, community visual arts studios, LGBT+ service centers, geriatric service centers, daycare centers ....
• Expansion of factories in low-income neighborhoods.
• Rehab of housing for military trainees.

If you want to work for a law firm that does this kind of work, you should be able to search on law firms and community development finance to see who does this.  If you want to work for a nonprofit / government related entity that helps finance these projects, you could search cdc or cde maybe.  Many banks are also deeply involved in financing this kind of project, if you want a bank job.  And of course state/local governments.

[lmrich]

Since you are asking... I would keep the high paying job with flexibility. 

Find something outside of work to give you the 'good' vibes. 

Plan a great family vacation and enjoy some of your money and make great  memories. 

(and you said you  have a kid graduating  in two years, that extra money and flex time will come in handy 🙂)