No, seriously, WTH are the friggin' dishes?!

[Gil]

Each person owns 1 set of dishes, so there are limited dishes in my home at any given time by design. Some kind of way The Boys have neither a fork nor a cup in the house.

We've been drinking from water bottles as it gets warmer, so I didn't realize that The Boys didn't have cups until I asked my kid why he was standing over the sink and drinking from a plate like a crazy person, and he informed me that he doesn't have a cup anymore and his water bottle broke so he put it in the plastics.

This has been the case for going on 3 weeks now. Where have their dishes gone off to?

The Boys swear that "they don't know" where their cups/forks went and at this point I'm starting to believe them.

We don't eat in the bedrooms. We clean up the house twice a day, every day to prevent any mess from taking  hold. We don't have a ton of furniture anyway.

To be sure, I've had them clean their rooms and bring out any and all dishes! This unearthed a single Silly Straw (again: we don't eat in the bedrooms).
I've had them search the yard and nothing!
Checked in the car--nothing.
Checked a relatives kitchen--nothing.
Looked in the work shed space where they've been doing a lot of work--nothing (so far).

We sort trash (recyclables, burnables, food-waste, etc) and would've noticed if they'd been thrown away by accident.

What am I missing and where the heck are their dishes? 🤔

[Laura Corin]

Smashed and they hid the pieces out of embarrassment? 

[Gil]

1 minute ago, Laura Corin said:

Smashed and they hid the pieces out of embarrassment? 

We have plastic dishes. They wouldn't shatter.

[Miss Tick]

Innocently hiding in plain sight under a plant or corralling pencils?

[Slache]

Maybe they used them in a craft project.

[Slache]

Have they been missing since April 1st? They may be playing the long game.

[Katy]

Have you moved the furniture for deep cleaning lately? I found a water glass in a linen closet and two plates under the sectional when Spring cleaning. 

[Gil]

5 minutes ago, Laura Corin said:

Smashed and they hid the pieces out of embarrassment? 

So, thinking better of who I am dealing with, I went and asked them

"Hey, did you guys accidentally break your dishes doing something stupid that you don't want to own up to or explain?"

They both laughed it off like "crazy-old Gil", but again, thinking about who I'm dealing with I told them if they told me the truth in the next 3 seconds, I'd

• replace the dishes at my expense (normally I make them pay for things that they break via stupidity/recklessness),
• close the investigation and
• never say another word about it.

They immediately said "yes".

except Pal said "yes, but it wasn't my fault." and Buddy said "Yes, and it was his idea in the first place."

I told them to stop talking before they say self-incriminate any further.

Case closed.

[wintermom]

1 hour ago, Laura Corin said:

Smashed and they hid the pieces out of embarrassment? 

How do you know these mystical things? 😊

[Gil]

11 minutes ago, wintermom said:

How do you know these mystical things? 😊

The better question is WTH actually happened that they managed to each break a plastic cup and a metal fork?

A deals-a-deal, so I won't ask. But I promise that I'm feeling curious.

 

[stephanier.1765]

2 minutes ago, Gil said:

The better question is WTH actually happened that they managed to each break a plastic cup and a metal fork?

A deals-a-deal, so I won't ask. But I promise that I'm feeling curious.

 

It's probably a very exciting, innovative science experiment that they don't know yet but that it's going to change the world and make them both rich beyond belief.

[Clarita]

3 minutes ago, Gil said:

A deals-a-deal, so I won't ask. But I promise that I'm feeling curious.

I feel like I couldn't have offered "never say another word about it," because mom and dad are just too curious.

[Gil]

2 hours ago, Clarita said:

I feel like I couldn't have offered "never say another word about it," because mom and dad are just too curious.

I offered the terms as I did because

1) replacing the dishes will cost me $1.93 after taxes, where as Extra-Strength Excedrin Migraine will cost me $18.57 after taxes.
2) prolonged exposure to the "WTH-ness" of the situation was going to have me in need of Extra Strength Excedrin Migraine for an indeterminable amount of time and
3) eventually, when the embarrassment or sting of whatever they've done wears off, one of them will tell me.

My sanity (and my liver) are worth the $1.93.

[ScoutTN]

3 hours ago, stephanier.1765 said:

It's probably a very exciting, innovative science experiment that they don't know yet but that it's going to change the world and make them both rich beyond belief.

Or something stupid-funny that would have won $10K on America’s Funniest Home Videos, if they’d recorded it! 

[YaelAldrich]

You can ask them when they are 20-something. You'll both laugh then!

[Drama Llama]

1 hour ago, Gil said:

I offered the terms as I did because

1) replacing the dishes will cost me $1.93 after taxes, where as Extra-Strength Excedrin Migraine will cost me $18.57 after taxes.
2) prolonged exposure to the "WTH-ness" of the situation was going to have me in need of Extra Strength Excedrin Migraine for an indeterminable amount of time and
3) eventually, when the embarrassment or sting of whatever they've done wears off, one of them will tell me.

My sanity (and my liver) are worth the $1.93.

Offer to split the difference if they tell you.  $4.16 to each kid.

Edited May 8, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Laura Corin]

6 hours ago, wintermom said:

How do you know these mystical things? 😊

Lots of boy experience,  as a sister and a mother.

6 hours ago, Gil said:

The better question is WTH actually happened that they managed to each break a plastic cup and a metal fork?

A deals-a-deal, so I won't ask. But I promise that I'm feeling curious.

 

Frisbee.  They flew further than expected and went under a truck/into a tree/floated down a river.  

I'm stumped on the cutlery.

[KidsHappen]

I am glad you have solved your mystery. I have a two year old granddaughter who frequently throws dishes away and I don't think we always catch her. On the other hand, we have Anchor glass coffee mugs that seem to just disappear into thin air. They aren't where the grandbaby can reach them. They are as thick as pyrex measuring cups and I don't think that they would break if you dropped them. I have bought 16 of them in the last year and can only find about 6 of them. I do have two people in the house who drink several cups of coffee a day so it is possible that there are several in their bedrooms at any given time.

Also in the 30+ years that I have been married, I have bought three sets of my silverware because I keep loosing big forks and little spoons but I still have every single knife and big spoon which is 48 of each. I also own about 6 or 7 one cup measuring cups because the 1/4 cup ones keep going missing although I finally found individual 1/4 ones at Walmart. And don't even get me started on the plastic storage containers. I have containers without lids and lids without containers and tons that I didn't buy and have no idea where they came from.

I miss the days when it was just me and my hubby and we just had four of everything. 

[Carrie12345]

This is why I won’t commit to true minimalism. I need to not notice that my kids are insane until even I don’t have a fork. 

Do not get me started on food storage containers and the imbalance of lids to containers.
I finally had a somewhat pricey glass container miraculously “show up” after 3 days of “Where is my container?!?!?!”

[TrulySusan]

When they finally tell the story, please remember your friends at the Hive. 😂 

[wintermom]

6 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

Lots of boy experience,  as a sister and a mother.

Frisbee.  They flew further than expected and went under a truck/into a tree/floated down a river.  

I'm stumped on the cutlery.

I have 3 sons and 1 brother. I must be clueless about their activities. Frisbee sounds pretty reasonable for plastic plates. In fact it makes me want to try it out with our camping plates. Why have I never thought of this. 😅

The forks go through slats in the boards on a deck, or get scooped into the garbage when cleaning food off plates. I have no fun suggestions, I just know how I loose a lot of cutlery. 

Edited May 8, 2022 by wintermom

[Katy]

The interesting thing in this case is that the cups are gone too. I’m super curious.

[Scarlett]

3 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

This is why I won’t commit to true minimalism. I need to not notice that my kids are insane until even I don’t have a fork. 

Do not get me started on food storage containers and the imbalance of lids to containers.
I finally had a somewhat pricey glass container miraculously “show up” after 3 days of “Where is my container?!?!?!”

I am not minimalist and yet I still notice missing dishes.  Almost always in dss21 room. I really wish I could not notice.

[ScoutTN]

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I am not minimalist and yet I still notice missing dishes.  Almost always in dss21 room. I really wish I could not notice.

My Ds14’s room is like a black hole!

[Gil]

13 hours ago, Laura Corin said:

Lots of boy experience,  as a sister and a mother.

Frisbee.  They flew further than expected and went under a truck/into a tree/floated down a river.  

I'm stumped on the cutlery.

Frisbee would work out with a plate, but they did something to their fork and cup.

Each of The Boys owned a

• bowl
• plate
• cup
• fork
• spoon

 

6 hours ago, wintermom said:

I have 3 sons and 1 brother. I must be clueless about their activities. Frisbee sounds pretty reasonable for plastic plates. In fact it makes me want to try it out with our camping plates. Why have I never thought of this. 😅

*shrug* I sincerely have no clue how you never thought of this. Seriously?

I definitely played Frisbee with plastic plates as a boy.

 

Edited May 8, 2022 by Gil
because how do you not play with a plate like a frisbee?

[fraidycat]

I'm picturing fork tines "woven" onto the edge of the cups for some sort of epic sword-type battle. Until the tines snapped or the cups cracked, or both.

[wintermom]

2 hours ago, Gil said:

Frisbee would work out with a plate, but they did something to their fork and cup.

Each of The Boys owned a

• bowl
• plate
• cup
• fork
• spoon

 

*shrug* I sincerely have no clue how you never thought of this. Seriously?

I definitely played Frisbee with plastic plates as a boy.

 

I was too busy climbing stuff and walking along fences to play Frisbee

 Besides, mom had eagle eyes on her kitchen.  I just stayed away from there as much as possible. 

[Emba]

One time I tried to melt a Penny by putting it over a gas flame in one of my mom’s spoons. It didn’t work but it discolored the son quite spectacularly. I hid it in the shed. 

years later ata family gathering my mom said something about how strange it was that she found an old spoon one of us had messed up and hidden. I said, “oh that was me”. So did my brother. He’d also melted something and messed up a spoon, but a big serving spoon. And the spoon my mom found was that one.

 The missing spoon story in this house is that we are always running short in spoons. My DH was stomping around complaining about it so I ordered a few more. Two days later I find three spoons under DD’s mattress. So there is part of the mystery of why we never have spoons solved.

[Scarlett]

I am just so intrigued by a home that has one one of each dish and utensil for each person.  I wish I knew someone like that so I could go visit them and see that IRL.  

[kirstenhill]

9 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I am just so intrigued by a home that has one one of each dish and utensil for each person.  I wish I knew someone like that so I could go visit them and see that IRL.  

It's very interesting...it kind of precludes dinner guests though unless they bring their own plates or you use paper.  😁.  It also precludes the kind of dish laziness I like, involving using lots of dishes and running the dishwasher 1-2x per day.  🤣

[Katy]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

I am just so intrigued by a home that has one one of each dish and utensil for each person.  I wish I knew someone like that so I could go visit them and see that IRL.  

Minimal Mom on YouTube did this for a while. You can probably go back and see the old videos on her channel.  She kept extra dishes for guests in a storage bin in the basement, basically just far enough that it was easier to wash a dish than go to the basement and steal a new one.  She had each of the kids decorate their own dishes with ceramic paint so everyone knew who didn't wash their dishes. I've seen other moms choose one color place setting per person using Fiesta Ware or something similar.  She only used it as long as it took to train all the kids to hand wash their dishes after breakfast & lunch.

[shawthorne44]

On 5/8/2022 at 5:17 AM, Carrie12345 said:

This is why I won’t commit to true minimalism. I need to not notice that my kids are insane until even I don’t have a fork. 

Do not get me started on food storage containers and the imbalance of lids to containers.
I finally had a somewhat pricey glass container miraculously “show up” after 3 days of “Where is my container?!?!?!”

 

The other day we literally had no spoons.   This is extra astounding since pre-marriage I had a full set which included a full set of regular spoons, big spoons and iced tea spoons.  And they weren't in the dishwasher.   

When DD was very young, DH bought an extra set of forks because I'd become unhinged when there wouldn't be a single fork. They do both eat outside the kitchen, bedroom.  

 

[Pam in CT]

This here is a Quality Thread.

 

On 5/8/2022 at 6:17 AM, Carrie12345 said:

...Do not get me started on food storage containers and the imbalance of lids to containers.

OMG YES, THIS.  How???

[Katy]

Store food containers with the lids on.  There's never extra lids that way.

[Carrie12345]

Just now, Katy said:

Store food containers with the lids on.  There's never extra lids that way.

😂 😂 😂 
I’m glad you have better kids than I do. Storing isn’t where the problem comes from.

[Katy]

3 minutes ago, Carrie12345 said:

😂 😂 😂 
I’m glad you have better kids than I do. Storing isn’t where the problem comes from.

Honestly DH is more of a problem than the kids.  I think they'd agree with whoever upthread said they avoided their mother's kitchen because if they bug me they're going to be put to work.  😆

[shawthorne44]

DD does dishes.    I am struggling with getting her to do this.    Even things like drink lids.    They are washed at the same time.   Yet the lid and cup end up stored far apart.   I could almost understand with storage containers because they take up more room with the lids on.  
I went so far as to order a ton of the exact same storage containers.  Glass bodies with plastic lids.  There is a designated drawer for those.   

That is similar to my sock plan.   I only have one type of socks.   So any two random socks will match.  

[SKL]

Well when I was middle school age, my sibs and I tested out a small homemade explosive in the dog dish.  The dog dish was no more.

Also, once I left water in my metal canteen too long and it got mildewy.  So I thought maybe boiling water in it would fix that.  The results were explosive.

As for forks, they have been used as screwdrivers at times, which bends them.

Other things that have happened in my life involved misuse of the microwave or stovetop.

I'm probably admitting way too much here ....

ETA I just remembered the time when I was little and I tricked my brother(s) by putting salt in the sugar bowl.  To teach me a lesson, my dad told me I had to eat my brother's cereal.  It was too gross, so I hid the bowl full of cereal in the crawl space under the porch.  For a long time, I had nightmares about how horrific that was gonna be when someone eventually found it.

Edited May 9, 2022 by SKL

[OH_Homeschooler]

On 5/7/2022 at 4:32 PM, Gil said:

So, thinking better of who I am dealing with, I went and asked them

"Hey, did you guys accidentally break your dishes doing something stupid that you don't want to own up to or explain?"

They both laughed it off like "crazy-old Gil", but again, thinking about who I'm dealing with I told them if they told me the truth in the next 3 seconds, I'd

• replace the dishes at my expense (normally I make them pay for things that they break via stupidity/recklessness),
• close the investigation and
• never say another word about it.

They immediately said "yes".

except Pal said "yes, but it wasn't my fault." and Buddy said "Yes, and it was his idea in the first place."

I told them to stop talking before they say self-incriminate any further.

Case closed.

How long have you been making them financially responsible for their own set of dishes? I suspect my 10 year old has been disappearing dishes but they get very defensive and cry when I ask about it. Yesterday I went to Goodwill to buy spoons and bowls (forget paying full price for dishes at this point).  Your system may help me out a lot, so please do share. 🙂

[Terabith]

We have a ton of spoons, but we had very few forks, and even fewer of the style of fork that everyone prefers.  (Four tines versus three....I think they are salad or dessert forks versus dinner forks.)  So around Christmas time, I went on a restaurant supply website and bought a dozen forks for $5.  They are the style we all like.  Are they as nice as the actual Oneida silverware?  No.  Does it really matter?  Also no.  

Not running out of forks constantly has reduced my stress level more than I really thought it would.  I really thought this was a tiny annoyance, not a major stressor, but $5 in forks has been awesome.  

We have exactly four bowls, and we're constantly running out of those, too, so I went and ordered some fiesta bowls last night.  

[Gil]

6 hours ago, OH_Homeschooler said:

How long have you been making them financially responsible for their own set of dishes? I suspect my 10 year old has been disappearing dishes but they get very defensive and cry when I ask about it. Yesterday I went to Goodwill to buy spoons and bowls (forget paying full price for dishes at this point).  Your system may help me out a lot, so please do share. 🙂

It's not so much that they have to pay for their dishes, but that, as adolescents*, they have to pay to replace things that they destroy by doing dumb, reckless or dangerous things that they know better than to do.

Amazingly, my accident-prone children have become a lot more careful as they grow up.

*For their 10th birthday, I acknowledge (and treat) them as an "adolescent" and not a "child". A part of "being an adolescent" in our household  is that they gain new privileges, but also responsibilities.

[Gil]

On 5/8/2022 at 7:54 PM, Scarlett said:

I am just so intrigued by a home that has one one of each dish and utensil for each person.  I wish I knew someone like that so I could go visit them and see that IRL.  

LOL, why do you assume that everyone that you know has more dishes than they need for their own family? I mean think about it how do you know, that you don't know someone who only has enough dishes for their family? 😏

On 5/8/2022 at 8:07 PM, kirstenhill said:

It's very interesting...it kind of precludes dinner guests though unless they bring their own plates or you use paper.  😁.

When we've had 1-2 guests eat with us, the guests use our dishes and we (The Boys and I) eat from tupperwear. On the occasions that we have 3+  guests, we all use paper-plates and disposable forks/spoons. We've had the same pack of paper-plates since The Boys were in early elementary school.

I don't allow random, I-barely-know-you-type guests in my home.

Casual acquaintances aren't welcome in my home either. We meet up with people at a 3rd party location.

 

[Scarlett]

2 hours ago, Gil said:

LOL, why do you assume that everyone that you know has more dishes than they need for their own family? I mean think about it how do you know, that you don't know someone who only has enough dishes for their family? 😏

When we've had 1-2 guests eat with us, the guests use our dishes and we (The Boys and I) eat from tupperwear. On the occasions that we have 3+  guests, we all use paper-plates and disposable forks/spoons. We've had the same pack of paper-plates since The Boys were in early elementary school.

I don't allow random, I-barely-know-you-type guests in my home.

Casual acquaintances aren't welcome in my home either. We meet up with people at a 3rd party location.

 

Lol, I hope you know my question is in all sincerity.  I have no judgment at all.  I have been to many many friends house over the years and never seen what you are describing.  Which I am not judging negatively.  It is just outside my wheelhouse.  

[Gil]

7 hours ago, Scarlett said:

Lol, I hope you know my question is in all sincerity.  I have no judgment at all.  I have been to many many friends house over the years and never seen what you are describing.  Which I am not judging negatively.  It is just outside my wheelhouse.  

I knew that it was a sincere question with no judgement or negativity behind it. My reply was meant as a joke, but depending on the size of your social circle, and the degree to which you socialize with the people in it, you might actually be able to say, with certainty, that you don't know anyone with more than enough dishes for their family.

[Katy]

18 minutes ago, Gil said:

I knew that it was a sincere question with no judgement or negativity behind it. My reply was meant as a joke, but depending on the size of your social circle, and the degree to which you socialize with the people in it, you might actually be able to say, with certainty, that you don't know anyone with more than enough dishes for their family.

I bet she can though, at least among the people she knows IRL. There’s too much focus on hospitality in the South, and minimalism is so rare I’ve never met one down there. 

[Scarlett]

21 minutes ago, Gil said:

I knew that it was a sincere question with no judgement or negativity behind it. My reply was meant as a joke, but depending on the size of your social circle, and the degree to which you socialize with the people in it, you might actually be able to say, with certainty, that you don't know anyone with more than enough dishes for their family.

I think I will poll my friends on FB.  Lol. 

[Scarlett]

11 minutes ago, Katy said:

I bet she can though, at least among the people she knows IRL. There’s too much focus on hospitality in the South, and minimalism is so rare I’ve never met one down there. 

How can there be too much focus on hospitality?  

[OH_Homeschooler]

13 hours ago, Gil said:

It's not so much that they have to pay for their dishes, but that, as adolescents*, they have to pay to replace things that they destroy by doing dumb, reckless or dangerous things that they know better than to do.

Amazingly, my accident-prone children have become a lot more careful as they grow up.

*For their 10th birthday, I acknowledge (and treat) them as an "adolescent" and not a "child". A part of "being an adolescent" in our household  is that they gain new privileges, but also responsibilities.

Thanks! I suspect mine is throwing dishes away instead of dealing with them. Or maybe it's accidental. 10 is a good age to treat them like adolescents, they certainly seem to have the attitude down at that age. 😡😆

[Katy]

2 hours ago, Scarlett said:

How can there be too much focus on hospitality?  

No I don't mean too much as in I think the culture is wrong.  I mean the culture is so focused on hospitality it's impossible to believe that any of my Southern friends and family (which span from North Central Florida to Dallas) would ever be minimalists when it comes to entertaining. The culture is too focused on hospitality to ever believe that.  If anything many of their grandparents verge on hoarding, not minimalism. They'll say it's a holdover from the depression but there's plenty of tolerance for it.

ETA: This is one of those times I wish tone could be conveyed on the internet.  I am sure you are right Scarlett.

Edited May 10, 2022 by Katy

[SKL]

I actually love the idea of exactly one place setting per person.  If I were the only adult here, that might be how I'd do it, but I'd keep additional dishes for company.  😛

When my kids were little, they each had one place setting.  In fact, there are still drinking glasses that are assigned (including mine).  😛

I personally prefer to wash things right after use and re-use them, rather than have a lot more stuff/clutter to keep track of.  But I think I'm in the minority.  😛

Edited May 10, 2022 by SKL