NM

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Melissa Louise]

It's relatively easy to cater for both vegetarian and meat eaters in the same meal. An example is stir fry - everyone has rice, everyone has veggies, but one person has tofu added and the others have chicken. 

But if you don't have the headspace, that's fair enough. 

[kbutton]

I think it's fine either way.

What about doing meatless on Fridays vs. all the time? Or part of the week?

[City Mouse]

I don’t think there is anything wrong with you not being willing to make such a big change in your meals right now.

When I was a practicing Catholic, I didn’t like the focus just on giving up something for lent. It seemed like that led many people to binge once lent was over. In this situation I would want to find out what is is goal for giving up meat. Is to to eat healthier? Is it for animal rights? Or giving up meat to save money for something else? What ever it is, then you could help him come up with an alternative personal sacrifice that meets that goal, one that is easier on you at this time.

Edited February 26, 2022 by City Mouse

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[catz]

I think it is fine to say you can’t cater to it.  You have a ton on your plate.   ❤️   You could compromise by doing like meat free fridays or something?

[prairiewindmomma]

If he wants to do it than he needs to feed and clean up after himself. He shouldn’t be putting that burden on you.

[regentrude]

Can you simply choose modular recipes that don't mix in the meat but have it as a separate dish? That would be an easy way to accommodate meat eaters and vegetarians. As long as he doesn't want to go vegan, it's simple.

Eta:and if  he's the one cooking ( you said HE likes trying out recipes), then that would not make any extra work. You can always serve a piece of meat on the side.

Edited February 26, 2022 by regentrude

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Faith-manor]

I like Regentrude's idea. We have one son who only eats fish and eggs, but not other forms of meat. So she he is here, I just do simple, modular meals. If I make spaghetti, ground beef or sausage is browned and on the side. People add what they want to their sauce, but in the serving bowl, sauce is meat free. 

Soups without meat. Salads and then bacon bits or chopped ham or whatever for topping the salads in bowls. Same for baked potato night. Top your own pizza and shove in the oven. Sandwich platter with lots of veggies and alfalfa sprouts, cheeses and meats separate, assemble your own. Mexican food, deli sides and rotisserie chicken, and your son can just not eat the chicken.

This way you aren't saying no, but you also are not having to take on a bunch of new cooking. Then just plan low effort dishes. 

ETA: I just saw what you said about Pop. Have you talked to Pop? Maybe he would be okay with a Lent break from his favorite foods in order to support ds.

Edited February 26, 2022 by Faith-manor

[Pawz4me]

You're not a bad parent if you don't do it, but having been a (mostly) vegetarian for almost 35 years and having fed 1 to 3 meat eaters for the last 32 years -- I don't see that it's any big deal at all. Assuming he isn't allergic, he can always have a PB sandwich (or something similarly easy) and some fruit for a meal. He doesn't have to have gourmet meals, or even particularly balanced ones if it's only for a relatively short period of time like Lent.

[Tanaqui]

In this particular case, given what's going on in your life and has been for the past few years, I think it's okay to tell him that he has to shelve the idea for a year or two.

It would be good if you give the greenlight to going meatless one or two days a week, provided that he does the mealplanning and helps cook the dinner.

[frogger]

I do think a lot of people can handle cooking both vegan and meat but any change and adaptation is a thinking process. Sometimes when life is hard you just don't need anything extra to think about.

 

Maybe he could cook one meal a week vegetarian when Pop isn't coming anyway and you could take that day off from cooking?

 

But I think it is ok to just say, "Can you ask me again next year." Or even just, "No". 

[Rosie_0801]

With what you've got going on, and it being more of a curiosity for Lent, I'd say no. Otherwise I'd say "Sure, but don't be surprised if you are eating a lot of cold baked beans if I haven't the energy for anything more spectacular." If they're old enough to budget, cook and ensure the pots are clean when I need to use them, I'd hand over their weekly budget, remind them they need to eat more legumes and green veggies than they think and observe with interest.

[frogger]

I like Pawz idea too. He can just make his own sandwich or whatnot on the side.

[teachermom2834]

I think it is important for your Lenten sacrifice not to make things more difficult for anyone else. I’m a middle school youth group leader and one of my girls was complaining that she wanted to give meat up for Lent but her mom wouldn’t let her because of expense and inconvenience and I was compassionate but also defended her mom. 
 

When we were growing up we ate pizza 2-3 times a week. I’m not joking. My dad would get pizza and often chicken wings takeout several times a week every week. Then we would give it up for Lent. My mom was the only one in the family who was not Catholic. She passed away several years ago but every Lent I think so often of what that was like for her. My dad would decide to give up pizza for Lent and she was stuck figuring out how to fill in an extra three meals a week including a meatless Friday that couldn’t be cheese pizza. Wow. That was way more of a Lenten penance for my mom than anyone else. Totally not the spirit of the practice.
 

So I get it. It just depends on the circumstance. If it is too much it is totally fine for you to veto it. It should not be your Lenten sacrifice. 

[regentrude]

2 minutes ago, teachermom2834 said:

one of my girls was complaining that she wanted to give meat up for Lent but her mom wouldn’t let her because of expense and inconvenience and I was compassionate but also defended her mom. 

How is it more expensive to not eat meat for a few weeks??? That makes no sense.

[Ceilingfan]

I'm with Rosie; I don't think he'll die eating carrots and pb&j and canned beans for several weeks, but I'd warn him that it is his decision and therefore his work, and you won't be very available to help make it fun.

[Katy]

You are not a bad parent and he should choose something that’s a sacrifice for HIM, not for you. Maybe he should give up sweets and desserts. 

[Selkie]

I was a vegetarian when I was 11 and my parents never made special meals for me. The choices in our house were meat, meat, and more meat, lol. I always managed to find enough suitable food to survive and thrive. So I would let him do it but without the expectation that you will be preparing foods specially for him. 

[EKS]

Your son can give up meat for Lent without involving the rest of the family.  I'd tell him that he can certainly do that but that the rest of the family will be doing something different. 

You might want to make an exception for one or two nights (or whatever seems reasonable).  That way he can do the recipe thing without it taking over the entire period.

[SoCal_Bear]

You can do it the easy way and make a batch of lentils or beans for him him to have protein. 

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[teachermom2834]

15 minutes ago, regentrude said:

How is it more expensive to not eat meat for a few weeks??? That makes no sense.

Well…it would depend what the kid wanted to eat. If the kid’s definition of vegetarian was buying expensive meat substitutes and the mom was used to serving cheap hot dogs then it could be more expensive. Or if the mom had a freezer full of meat she was planning to serve or whatever. People do things all kinds of ways. 

[Drama Llama]

. . . 

Edited February 26, 2022 by Baseballandhockey

[Bootsie]

I would not know how to not "let" my kids be vegetarian when they were 11--I couldn't hold them down and make them eat something they did not want to eat.  I could choose to make a scene out of it; I could choose to accommodate; I could choose to ignore; but I could not choose to let them not eat meat.  If you are planning, shopping, and cooking, I do not think there is anything problematic about saying that you have a lot going on right now and do not have the time and energy to explore vegetarian cooking, especially given that you must be concerned about the dietary needs of other family members.  I would say that I cannot accommodate him right now, but I can have peanut butter, or eggs, yogurt, cheese, or something else that is no prep for you should he choose not to eat meat.  Or, I would try to be supportive and say that it wasn't possible for the household to be meat free for the next 40 days, but that you would make an effort to be meat-free three nights per week (or something similar).

[regentrude]

9 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

1) He likes to cook. He likes to try new things.  He would, given the choice, make 365 new and different dinner menus a year.  So, this seems like an adventure

So why not let him cook for Lent? Maybe Pop would like that?

[mathnerd]

Make your veggie dishes and carb dishes without any meat. Then, make the meat dish that Pop would appreciate, just for him and the others who will eat meat. What I have said so far will not add any extra workload for you. Now, the extra work is to make a "substitute" for the meat protein for the vegetarian son - you can make a pot of lentils, beans or stir-fry/grill/bake plain tofu or paneer for him. Even better is to tell him to set up your instant pot in the morning on a timer to cook the beans or lentils as per the recipe of his choice since he is a gourmet cook 😉 If he cooks up a lot of his vegetarian beans/tofu dish, then all the others can try some of it as well in addition to what they are eating and that will be a wonderful way for the young chef to get feedback and increase his skillset!

 

[Soror]

Lots of things are easy when you are used to it. Lots of things are NBD when you have plenty of bandwidth. You have neither of those. I've cooked gluten free for over a decade it is easy for me to do that. I'm used to it. It is overwhelming for most people starting out, I know I've talked to many and btdt. I think it is perfectly fine to say I have too much on my plate for any big changes. Besides the fact that it is supposed to be personal sacrifice and he's making a family thing. You've gone through hell it's ok to not want to have to change up what you eat as well. Now, if he wanted to commit to cooking every meal ...maybe but I'm doubting a kid in PS is going to have that much time (and that's assuming you want to be a vegetarian too).

[Pam in CT]

You have a lot going on. "I don't have the headspace for one.more.thing" is perfectly reasonable.

OTOH I'm not sure the "am I a 'bad parent' ?" frame is useful either for you or your kid.  It adds several layers of baggage, when at 11 years old, a change like this does not *have* to add anything to your plate.

Get a loaf of whole wheat bread, and some peanut butter/ nutella/ cheese / whatever. If the side dishes and salad of whatever you're otherwise serving don't feel like "enough" to him, he can make himself a sandwich.  For forty days, that will not kill him. Or you. Or your relationship. Or Pop. He's 11. If he's not full with what you put on the table he can make a sandwich.

[KungFuPanda]

If your regular meals don't have any food suitable for vegetarians,  you might want to rethink how much plate real estate you're allotting to veggies.  It would be healthier for everyone to have more veggies on the table.  Also, if your son is interested in food and cooking, I wouldn't let this phase pass without capitalizing on this.  Bring him in to prep easy sides, or put him in charge of peeling so it's easier for you, or put one night aside for vegetarian meal prep and let him eat from that stash on the nights you make comfort food for Pop.  I get not having the energy for a whole project, but he's 11 . . . he could learn a lot, or he could quit after a week.  How tenacious is this kid in general?  Have you considered this an investment in a kid who could one day be making dinner for the family and lightening your load?

OR you could just decide you do not have the bandwidth for it at this time and that's a reasonable and valid choice too.  You definitely deserve some breathing room and since you know your kid you know how much energy a project like this is likely to take.  How easy is this kid to put off?

[Drama Llama]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

If your regular meals don't have any food suitable for vegetarians,  you might want to rethink how much plate real estate you're allotting to veggies.  It would be healthier for everyone to have more veggies on the table.  Also, if your son is interested in food and cooking, I wouldn't let this phase pass without capitalizing on this.  Bring him in to prep easy sides, or put him in charge of peeling so it's easier for you, or put one night aside for vegetarian meal prep and let him eat from that stash on the nights you make comfort food for Pop.  I get not having the energy for a whole project, but he's 11 . . . he could learn a lot, or he could quit after a week.  How tenacious is this kid in general?  Have you considered this an investment in a kid who could one day be making dinner for the family and lightening your load?

OR you could just decide you do not have the bandwidth for it at this time and that's a reasonable and valid choice too.  You definitely deserve some breathing room and since you know your kid you know how much energy a project like this is likely to take.  How easy is this kid to put off?

My kids eat tons of veggies, but a lot of what works best is when things are cooked together.  So, I've got a freezer full of things like beef chili with lots of vegetables, or lentil vegetable soup made with chicken stock, or beans prepared with a little sausage. None of which I would be able to serve.  And I might serve those foods with some apples and some roasted broccoli on the side, but I can't just feed my kid some apples and broccoli.  

He's already a really good cook.  He can make delicious dinner if it's a night that he doesn't have some place to be, but he's got soccer or therapy or both every weeknight, and when we're trying to turn things around in the 25 minutes we have between getting home from one kid's music lesson and heading out for the other kids' soccer practice, isn't the time to let him loose to experiment with new recipes, or for us to be dodging each other in the kitchen. 

Part of the issue is that we have schedules that were built when we were in a household with multiple drivers, which just makes things easier.  

He is very tenacious.  i can guarantee that if he does this it will be 40 days. But he's also pretty compliant and if I tell him to pick something else he will.  I mean if he wanted this for moral reasons, that would be different, but he doesn't. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

12 minutes ago, Baseballandhockey said:

My kids eat tons of veggies, but a lot of what works best is when things are cooked together.  So, I've got a freezer full of things like beef chili with lots of vegetables, or lentil vegetable soup made with chicken stock, or beans prepared with a little sausage. None of which I would be able to serve.  And I might serve those foods with some apples and some roasted broccoli on the side, but I can't just feed my kid some apples and broccoli.  

He's already a really good cook.  He can make delicious dinner if it's a night that he doesn't have some place to be, but he's got soccer or therapy or both every weeknight, and when we're trying to turn things around in the 25 minutes we have between getting home from one kid's music lesson and heading out for the other kids' soccer practice, isn't the time to let him loose to experiment with new recipes, or for us to be dodging each other in the kitchen. 

Part of the issue is that we have schedules that were built when we were in a household with multiple drivers, which just makes things easier.  

He is very tenacious.  i can guarantee that if he does this it will be 40 days. But he's also pretty compliant and if I tell him to pick something else he will.  I mean if he wanted this for moral reasons, that would be different, but he doesn't. 

You just answered you own question. Tell him to choose something else. It’s ok to do that. You are meeting a lot of needs including his right now. And you have especially  valid reasons why this just isn’t the right time. It’s ok not to accommodate every request. 

[Arcadia]

6 hours ago, regentrude said:

How is it more expensive to not eat meat for a few weeks??? That makes no sense.

 

5 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

Well…it would depend what the kid wanted to eat. If the kid’s definition of vegetarian was buying expensive meat substitutes and the mom was used to serving cheap hot dogs then it could be more expensive. Or if the mom had a freezer full of meat she was planning to serve or whatever. People do things all kinds of ways. 

Some of my relatives are Buddhist and they try to eat vegetarian at least twice a month. For my omnivore relatives to go vegetarian, they either eat more to feel full, or just treat those days as fasting days. 
I tried eating vegetarian for a month when I was a student on a limited food allowance. It was like going on a weight loss diet except I was already 43kg/95lbs. 
None of my family members who eat vegetarian for religious reasons ask for zero contamination with meat. So it was easy to have one dish vegetarian and the person can fill up his/her tummy with rice/noodles/bread.  On religious days, they just go to their local Buddhist temple for a free vegetarian meal. 

[Arcadia]

If your fridge have space, could he pack seven containers of salad when he is free and he can have a vegetarian dinner every day. I have packed for myself as a salad baby spinach, sweet corn, edamame, carrots, onions and then top with peanut vinaigrette dressing. When I want to splurge on myself, I add pine nuts as well.

[KungFuPanda]

21 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

You just answered you own question. Tell him to choose something else. It’s ok to do that. You are meeting a lot of needs including his right now. And you have especially  valid reasons why this just isn’t the right time. It’s ok not to accommodate every request. 

I really do agree with this.  Just tell him to pick something that isn't extra work for anyone but himself because it's not really YOUR Lenten project.