UPDATE 9/28/22- Driver's Ed -- I'm freaking, lol!

[alisoncooks]

DD starts Driver's Ed next week (Zoom). I'm so nervous for her, lol. I don't remember being this nervous when *I* was getting my permit! (Part of my anxiety is that we realized last-minute that we could sign up NOW, so her class starts next week! No time to process.)

I'm a natural text-taker. It's easy for me. DD is my opposite; bright but easily rattled and not comfortable with tests.  I'm wondering what I can do to help her. 

Did you help you teen prepare or  were you hands off? If you helped, what was your strategy?

Feel free to share anything relevant. Ease my mind by telling me it was a snap. 😉

Edited September 28, 2022 by alisoncooks

[Farrar]

I had one of my twins pass and the other not. Given how hard it is to get an appointment with all the pandemic backups, it will probably be a YEAR before he can take it again. I'm... sigh.

I'd say just have her take the practice test over and over. That's what my kid who passed did. Most states have a practice test online somewhere.

ETA: I assume you just mean the little permit test and not the road test, though. The road test is a whole other kettle of scary fish.

Edited April 7, 2021 by Farrar

[alisoncooks]

Yes, the written test. I'll worry about the driving part when we get there, lol.

My brother actually does driving tests for the DMV in a city 2 hrs away. I'm tempted to have her test there with him, not for nepotism but to increase her comfort level/reduce stranger anxiety.  Or at least do some test runs with him!

[Miss Tick]

Both my twins got their permits, now I'm knee deep in being driven around and around for ONE HUNDRED HOURS during a pandemic that has meant we have nowhere to go.

I have been totally hands-off. I don't have room for that on my plate, and it isn't critical to me that they get their licenses soon, so they can be in charge. I think they should have them before they move out, so if that were looming I might step up my participation.

As far as the permit test goes, it was pretty painless. If you take the test and fail you can just walk out of the license branch, they don't need to see you unless you pass. So that might relieve some potential embarrassment concerns if your state runs the same way.

If it is the actual drivers test you are concerned about, she may be able to take the test with a driving school instructor for a small additional fee. That is my understanding for how it works here. The local bmv is booked way out and has a mean reputation, so I'm planning to pay the fee.

[alisoncooks]

1 minute ago, SusanC said:

Both my twins got their permits, now I'm knee deep in being driven around and around for ONE HUNDRED HOURS during a pandemic that has meant we have nowhere to go.

Oh my. I'm sorry, lol, that's equally awful and funny. 

[Farrar]

My twin who got his permit doesn't want to drive. I'm forcing him to learn. If he chooses not to get the license at the end of this, then that's on him. I set it all up. Sigh. So far, he's driven around the national park down the street over and over three times. When I put him into regular traffic for like two blocks, he was not happy with me and has not been willing to get back in the driver's seat again.

We're supposed to drive and look at colleges this summer and I figure we'll get the hours in then.

[daijobu]

1 hour ago, alisoncooks said:

Did you help you teen prepare or  were you hands off? If you helped, what was your strategy?

Feel free to share anything relevant. Ease my mind by telling me it was a snap. 😉

There are youtubers who post the behind the wheel test route for many local communities.  Our drive ed teacher also had my dd drive the route so she was familiar.  

The hardest part for me was being in the front seat while dds had their learner's permits.  Knitting and keeping my eyes off the road helped.  I tried to only advise when asked or when something dire was about to happen.  

[Garga]

Two years ago, I was able to get my hands on one of the last paper copies in my state of the driving manual that teaches all the rules of the road (am friends with someone who works at the DMV.). Nowadays, you can read the manual online for the state. My state has an app with the manual.

For my oldest, 2 years ago, I told him to read it on his own (trying to teach him independence.) I think that was a mistake. I realized that with my 2nd son. He wasn’t ever getting around to reading the book, so I said, “Fine! I’ll make you sit here while I read it out loud to you!” And when I did that, I realized that by reading it together, it brought up all sorts of things for me to teach him and I found the time to be valuable. I wish I’d done that with my oldest.

Other than reading the book, I got the practice test on the app and my son took the practice test over and over a few times a day. 

Both of my sons passed the written test very easily. However, if you don’t pass (in my state), you can come back the next day and try again...and then the next day, etc.

[Garga]

1 hour ago, alisoncooks said:

DD starts Driver's Ed next week (Zoom). I'm so nervous for her, lol. I don't remember being this nervous when *I* was getting my permit! (Part of my anxiety is that we realized last-minute that we could sign up NOW, so her class starts next week! No time to process.)

I'm a natural text-taker. It's easy for me. DD is my opposite; bright but easily rattled and not comfortable with tests.  I'm wondering what I can do to help her. 

Did you help you teen prepare or  were you hands off? If you helped, what was your strategy?

Feel free to share anything relevant. Ease my mind by telling me it was a snap. 😉

If your daughter is taking the permit written test next week, she’ll be hard-pressed to read the entire manual and retain it. I might have her take a bunch of practice tests and focus in on the questions she gets wrong and read the pages about those questions only.  However, I might have her read the manual after she passes the test, just to be sure she knows everything covered in it. 

Or else you read it and make sure you cover all the different scenarios in it while you’re teaching her to drive.

[Dmmetler]

Last year, we delayed getting the permit because we were going out of the country for a month in Dec/Jan, when there would have been time to go to the DMV and wait, and planned to get it over Spring Break, and do behind the wheel drivers Ed over summer. Then, everything shut down. L finally got the permit in May, when stuff reopened, and while drivers Ed is now available, the idea of putting my kid in a closed vehicle with someone outside my family who I can't trust, given my area, to wear a mask, was not appealing. So, I've been in the passenger seat for lots of curbside pick up. I didn't want to try to get a license over winter break because COVID was at such a high spike then, and then vaccination started to become available, so that has been the next reason to delay. I'm thinking that we'll try in May, once everyone is fully vaccinated, and go from there, although  now that L picked a school in a place with good public transit and awful driving conditions, the idea of getting a license has become a lot less attractive. I still want L to get it before fall, because it's easier to get it when you are living at home and have access to your parent's car, etc, than as an adult. 

 

[alisoncooks]

23 minutes ago, Garga said:

Two years ago, I was able to get my hands on one of the last paper copies in my state of the driving manual that teaches all the rules of the road (am friends with someone who works at the DMV.). Nowadays, you can read the manual online for the state. My state has an app with the manual.

I asked my brother if he could get us a handbook and he said they'd not had them for a couple of years. 

Dd is just starting the class next week (30 hours of instruction). She won't be testing for a few months, at best. I'm not sure how the DMV appointments are running around here. 

Edited April 7, 2021 by alisoncooks

[Arcadia]

18 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

I asked my brother if he could get us a handbook and he said they'd not had them for a couple of years. 

My husband got an older copy from the library since DMV “dumps” stacks of them at the free handouts area of our local libraries. 
 

California has their handbook online. Maybe your state has an online copy too.

[ShepCarlin]

I was pretty hands off for the learner's permit. We live in GA and a friend whose son had been through it already said "get the app, study it, take the test". Okayyy. So. That's what my son did. I'm not kidding....the day I drove him to DMV to take the learner's test, I decided to give him a quiz on road signs on the way there (don't ask why I didn't do this before....I guess I had a mental block on his driving). Anyway. He says "Mom, I haven't studied any of that! Don't ask me what the signs mean!" WHAT?! Apparently all he saw on the app was stuff like what is the name of teen driving law in GA? A few road rules but it seemed like a lot pointless stuff to me. He isn't the best test taker but he did ace the driving test. There were a few road signs on the test so glad I went over them with him on the way there...although he knew more than he thought he did.

Once he got his learners I would narrate my driving in front of him. Such as this is why I'm not turning right at the stop sign or did you see what the driver just did in front of us? For the first few months he had his learners he just drove in a school parking lot on Sundays with my husband. It was probably a full year before I was comfortable with him driving with me in the car. He had his learners for 2 years...in part because he took him sooooo long to get the required hours on the road. This is partly my fault since it took me forever to become comfortable with him driving. He did attend a driving school...did the class part all online and then the actual driving skills with one of the instructors. The instructor wore a mask and was so incredibly laid back. Wonderful experience.

It's hard watching them go through this but I tell you what....it is nice having another driver in the house. He's now comfortable with it and loves running errands for me. Good luck with everything!

[BusyMom5]

I have one that freaks out over tests,  so I decided to take her the first time and do a cold test.  I assured her before we went that she would not pass, the goal for the day was to get a feel for what types of questions were on the test so that she knew what to study, to get familiar with where the test was, the room, testing conditions,  etc..  We would do this trial test, then go home and study the book 📖 , and come back in a few weeks to take the test again and hopefully pass.  It worked just as I thought.  She did better on the trial test than I thought she would,  but when she came home she had a much better idea of the types of questions on the test.  No test anxiety,  she wasn't completely confident she would pass, but she was comfortable with the process and passed!  There were some online test prep questions,  but we found them kind if confusing.  

[Miss Tick]

I have one little warning to toss out for you. It seems that we all learn left vs right as children, but we do not fully internalize the distinction until we start driving.

Nothing like mom banging on the passenger window shrieking  "to the right! This is the right! This side of the concrete divider! Eeee! ... Phew. Sorry about that, just needed to be clear there." to really solidify the difference in your head. 😳

[mlktwins]

1 minute ago, SusanC said:

I have one little warning to toss out for you. It seems that we all learn left vs right as children, but we do not fully internalize the distinction until we start driving.

Nothing like mom banging on the passenger window shrieking  "to the right! This is the right! This side of the concrete divider! Eeee! ... Phew. Sorry about that, just needed to be clear there." to really solidify the difference in your head. 😳

You're scaring me 😱😬🤣!  And...all those driving hours with twins 😱!  We are not in a hurry either, but would like to get started.

Mine are taking driver's ed on-line now and they are doing their own thing.

[historically accurate]

51 minutes ago, SusanC said:

I have one little warning to toss out for you. It seems that we all learn left vs right as children, but we do not fully internalize the distinction until we start driving.

Nothing like mom banging on the passenger window shrieking  "to the right! This is the right! This side of the concrete divider! Eeee! ... Phew. Sorry about that, just needed to be clear there." to really solidify the difference in your head. 😳

I still don't know my right from my left. I have to do the L thing with my thumb/pointer finger every single time.

My driver's ed teacher was a saint - I would be driving along, turn, and he would simply say, "Uh, I meant for you to turn right. OK, we're going to go up here to this stop sign, turn right, that's toward me, and proceed." My driver's ed tester though was a cranky old man who had me in tears, but I passed...

[Arcadia]

2 hours ago, SusanC said:

I have one little warning to toss out for you. It seems that we all learn left vs right as children, but we do not fully internalize the distinction until we start driving.

My husband’s Garmin GPS gets left and right wrong too. I would tell him directions by looking at the purple line on the map on the GPS screen. The weird part is that it only affects English but not Chinese or German and one of the error areas is at a major road junction. 
 

ETA: The GPS has been updated many times but there are still bugs. 

Edited April 7, 2021 by Arcadia

[JennyD]

2 hours ago, ShepCarlin said:

"Mom, I haven't studied any of that! Don't ask me what the signs mean!"

Oh dear.  

As soon as DS15 gets vaccinated next month we are going to get started with this.  He is not thrilled.  (DS13, OTOTH, is desperate to start driving and could probably pass the road test next week if we let him, you know, drive.)  DH thinks he is going to teach DS15 to drive, which does not strike me as ideal, but okay, fine, I guess we can see how that goes?

 

[ByGrace3]

My dd took drivers ed through the local virtual school. It was painless. However, she is a horrible test taker and CRIED through the imho very difficult test. She passed....somehow. Honestly I was really surprised -- she had no problems with the drivers ed class, no problems with all practice tests...so I was a bi shocked to see her struggle so much on the test. I suppose that could have just been her test anxiety....

She is about to take the road test next month. While I am a bit nervous, I am SO ready to have another driver! 

[Roadrunner]

CA requires kids to complete drivers Ed course. By the time my kid managed to get through that course, he knew the material solid, and those courses have unlimited number of tests to take to practice. It took mine 6 months due to lack of time to finally finish the course and he got the permit. We also managed his first driving lesson and now I am told to have him drive daily for 15 minutes on quiet streets. I just can’t. I think he is going to run into every wall and every car. It’s terrifying. 

[Arcadia]

3 hours ago, Roadrunner said:

CA requires kids to complete drivers Ed course. By the time my kid managed to get through that course, he knew the material solid, and those courses have unlimited number of tests to take to practice. It took mine 6 months due to lack of time to finally finish the course and he got the permit. We also managed his first driving lesson and now I am told to have him drive daily for 15 minutes on quiet streets.

It is not required for high school graduation but it is a 30 hours course so my kids would probably get that done online in summer. They have no desire to drive.

Here student drivers do practice at company parks lots and community college parking lots. Or try driving in shopping malls parking lots before 10am.

"

• Is driver education required to be offered by school districts?

  Yes. EC Section 51220(j) states in part that: "The adopted course of study for grades 7-12, inclusive, shall offer courses in the following areas of study . . . (j) Automobile driver education."

• Is driver education required for high school graduation?

  While driver education is required to be offered, the local school district governing board may, pursuant to EC Section 51225.3, determine if it is a required course for graduation. A driver education elective course may be applied toward meeting minimum graduation credits without requiring driver education for graduation." https://www.cde.ca.gov/ci/cr/dr/drvedufaqs.asp

Edited April 10, 2021 by Arcadia

[Terabith]

My 17 year old got their permit at 15.5, when they were first eligible.  They didn't have any trouble with the test, but they had taken the classroom class.  Driving has been hell.  Their anxiety and my anxiety and just.....honestly, I've given up.  They're super resistant, and I just can't deal.  I'm hoping they get their license before they move out but I dunno.  

My youngest has been permit eligible for six months now and has not gotten it. She hasn't taken the class because covid, and I'm worried that online driver's ed is not going to be effective for her, and she is going to really struggle remembering all the "how many feet do you have to park from a fire hydrant" things.  She also has lots of anxiety and isn't excited about driving.  

The whole thing is just awful.  I have taught a couple of people to drive and it didn't bother me, so I think this is definitely a case of their anxiety pinging mine.  

[Roadrunner]

37 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

It is not required for high school graduation but it is a 30 hours course so my kids would probably get that done online in summer. They have no desire to drive.

Here student drivers do practice at company parks lots and community college parking lots. Or try driving in shopping malls parking lots before 10am.

"

• Is driver education required to be offered by school districts?

  Yes. EC Section 51220(j) states in part that: "The adopted course of study for grades 7-12, inclusive, shall offer courses in the following areas of study . . . (j) Automobile driver education."

• Is driver education required for high school graduation?

  While driver education is required to be offered, the local school district governing board may, pursuant to EC Section 51225.3, determine if it is a required course for graduation. A driver education elective course may be applied toward meeting minimum graduation credits without requiring driver education for graduation." https://www.cde.ca.gov/ci/cr/dr/drvedufaqs.asp

I never said it was required for high school graduation. It’s required if you want to go and take your written test and get a permit and you happen to be under 18. You have to show certificate of completion to even take the test. 

Why would it be required for a high school graduation?

Edited April 10, 2021 by Roadrunner

[Terabith]

4 minutes ago, Roadrunner said:

I never said it was required for high school graduation. It’s required if you want to go and take your written test and get a permit and you happen to be under 18. You have to show certificate of completion to even take the test. 

Why would it be required for a high school graduation?

It is in Virginia public schools.  Even if you're blind.  

[Roadrunner]

8 minutes ago, Terabith said:

It is in Virginia public schools.  Even if you're blind.  

That’s weird. Some people don’t want to drive at all especially if they live in a city. 
 

In CA you can self study and then take a written exam if you are over 18. Drivers Ed completion is only required for a permit for minors. 

[Sneezyone]

15 minutes ago, Terabith said:

It is in Virginia public schools.  Even if you're blind.  

Yep. DD passed with self-study alone and has PE/DE this semester but good luck finding a behind the road driving class right now, blind or not (which is required for under 18s). Although, yes, it’s ridiculous that blind students have to pass the written drivers test.

[Garga]

12 hours ago, Terabith said:

My 17 year old got their permit at 15.5, when they were first eligible.  They didn't have any trouble with the test, but they had taken the classroom class.  Driving has been hell.  Their anxiety and my anxiety and just.....honestly, I've given up.  They're super resistant, and I just can't deal.  I'm hoping they get their license before they move out but I dunno.  

My youngest has been permit eligible for six months now and has not gotten it. She hasn't taken the class because covid, and I'm worried that online driver's ed is not going to be effective for her, and she is going to really struggle remembering all the "how many feet do you have to park from a fire hydrant" things.  She also has lots of anxiety and isn't excited about driving.  

The whole thing is just awful.  I have taught a couple of people to drive and it didn't bother me, so I think this is definitely a case of their anxiety pinging mine.  

My oldest had/has terrible driving anxiety. He refused to leave a parking lot for 5 months. We just drove around in circles in the lot for 5 months. And he could barely make it 15 minutes. Sometimes we had to stop after only 5 or 10.

We started him on counseling around that time when we realized how bad the anxiety was. The counselor helped him by setting goals like, “in the next two weeks, go through a stop light.” Even if I drove him to the light in the middle of the night, and we exchanged places, and he drove through it, and then we exchanged them back—that was the goal.  We didn’t have to do it in the middle of the night, but I found two mostly empty parking lots on opposite sides of a road and he drove from one parking lot, through a light, into the other one. Her goals got him out of the parking lot. And she taught him techniques to settle himself down. They work ok, but in the heat of the driving moment when he can’t pull over and breathe for 5 minutes, they don’t alway help.

After 2 years, we had to insist he get his license so he could drive to college. Luckily for him (being flippant here), covid hit and everything went online and he hasn’t had to drive anywhere. He won’t drive anywhere willingly. My dh makes ds drive him on an errand to the town 20 minutes away each week, just so he doesn’t forget how to drive.

There is no mass transit where we live. Most things are a good 20 minutes from us. His college is 45 minutes and a ministry school he attends (online for now, but in person probably in the fall) is 45 minutes in the opposite direction. He has to be able to get himself to these places. I can’t drive him everywhere, especially at such distances from the house. So, we try to have him keep practicing driving though he hates it.

I tell my DH that DS broke me. There’s something weird inside of me now if I ever ride with DS, which I decided I’m not doing anymore. I didn’t announce it to DS, but I’m just not able to be in a car with him when he’s driving right now. There were a number of times where I literally feared for my physical safety when in the car with my son, teaching him. He was so filled with anxiety that he wouldn’t listen to my instruction and he almost hit a lot of things. If he listened, that would have been one thing, but he wouldn’t listen. And he wouldn’t learn. For example, we were in a parking lot with a series of speed bumps. He took the first one way too fast. He got all anxious and angry about it and tensed up. I was calm and said, “Yeah, you gotta take those reeeeeal slow.” We got to the 2nd one, and he didn’t slow down at all, but flew over it. He got more upset. I said, “Ok...slow way, way down and barely move the car over the next one.” We got to the 3rd one and he hit it just as fast as the first. His face got all tense and his lips got tight because he was so upset at himself about those bumps. But I don’t understand why he didn’t put his foot on the brake, but just kept barreling forward. I didn’t shame him or anything because that doesn’t help. I would just say, “Ok, next time you get to a speed bump, drop down to like 2 mph.” And then the car ride is tense and horrible for the rest of the lesson. 

The same thing happened with a series of shallow potholes on a road where they were doing construction and had dug some shallow holes. He hit the first one and I was like, “Ok, move a little so you straddle the next one.” Nope. He kept going in the same trajectory and hit the next one. I thought, “ok, he’ll move over for this third one.” Nope. He hit that one too. And then a fourth. At this point, I was so worn down from teaching him for all these years (this was at the 2 year mark of teaching) and defeated that I just held it together long enough to get home and then went in the bathroom and cried. 

I just can’t get in the car with him without experiencing an onslaught of negative chemicals through my bloodstream. It’s like I can feel them flooding me. I just can’t trust that he won’t do something nutty in the car and he will not listen to me if I warn him. Maybe it’s better now, I don’t know. I haven’t driven with him in months and only DH goes with him.  DH says he’s better now, but still hangs on to the wheel for dear life and seems to hate every second of driving. 

 

My youngest son just turned 16 and is able to start driving. He was out of the parking lot within 4 days. It’s effortless to teach him. He listens to instruction, he talks about what he sees, he doesn’t jerk the car around, he’s relaxed and telling jokes while driving, yet is still taking it seriously. He says things like, “C’mon, Mom, tell me if I’m doing something wrong!” and I’m like, “Son, you’re not doing anything wrong.” Only once in a while do I have to instruct him and he immediately corrects what he’s doing. He’s a natural. Thank goodness. Because teaching my oldest was a horrible experience. And only people who’ve gone through it understand. People might think I’m being dramatic or making cliche jokes about “having to teach a teenager to drive”. But it was almost traumatizing to me and I’m pretty sure my son feels the same way. 

 

Edited April 10, 2021 by Garga

[Terabith]

40 minutes ago, Garga said:

My oldest had/has terrible driving anxiety. He refused to leave a parking lot for 5 months. We just drove around in circles in the lot for 5 months. And he could barely make it 15 minutes. Sometimes we had to stop after only 5 or 10.

We started him on counseling around that time when we realized how bad the anxiety was. The counselor helped him by setting goals like, “in the next two weeks, go through a stop light.” Even if I drove him to the light in the middle of the night, and we exchanged places, and he drove through it, and then we exchanged them back—that was the goal.  We didn’t have to do it in the middle of the night, but I found two mostly empty parking lots on opposite sides of a road and he drove from one parking lot, through a light, into the other one. Her goals got him out of the parking lot. And she taught him techniques to settle himself down. They work ok, but in the heat of the driving moment when he can’t pull over and breathe for 5 minutes, they don’t alway help.

After 2 years, we had to insist he get his license so he could drive to college. Luckily for him (being flippant here), covid hit and everything went online and he hasn’t had to drive anywhere. He won’t drive anywhere willingly. My dh makes ds drive him on an errand to the town 20 minutes away each week, just so he doesn’t forget how to drive.

There is no mass transit where we live. Most things are a good 20 minutes from us. His college is 45 minutes and a ministry school he attends (online for now, but in person probably in the fall) is 45 minutes in the opposite direction. He has to be able to get himself to these places. I can’t drive him everywhere, especially at such distances from the house. So, we try to have him keep practicing driving though he hates it.

I tell my DH that DS broke me. There’s something weird inside of me now if I ever ride with DS, which I decided I’m not doing anymore. I didn’t announce it to DS, but I’m just not able to be in a car with him when he’s driving right now. There were a number of times where I literally feared for my physical safety when in the car with my son, teaching him. He was so filled with anxiety that he wouldn’t listen to my instruction and he almost hit a lot of things. If he listened, that would have been one thing, but he wouldn’t listen. And he wouldn’t learn. For example, we were in a parking lot with a series of speed bumps. He took the first one way too fast. He got all anxious and angry about it and tensed up. I was calm and said, “Yeah, you gotta take those reeeeeal slow.” We got to the 2nd one, and he didn’t slow down at all, but flew over it. He got more upset. I said, “Ok...slow way, way down and barely move the car over the next one.” We got to the 3rd one and he hit it just as fast as the first. His face got all tense and his lips got tight because he was so upset at himself about those bumps. But I don’t understand why he didn’t put his foot on the brake, but just kept barreling forward. I didn’t shame him or anything because that doesn’t help. I would just say, “Ok, next time you get to a speed bump, drop down to like 2 mph.” And then the car ride is tense and horrible for the rest of the lesson. 

The same thing happened with a series of shallow potholes on a road where they were doing construction and had dug some shallow holes. He hit the first one and I was like, “Ok, move a little so you straddle the next one.” Nope. He kept going in the same trajectory and hit the next one. I thought, “ok, he’ll move over for this third one.” Nope. He hit that one too. And then a fourth. At this point, I was so worn down from teaching him for all these years (this was at the 2 year mark of teaching) and defeatediiiii

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

i

 

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiithat I just held it together long enough to get home and then went in the bathroom and cried. 

I just can’t get in the car with him without experiencing an onslaught of negative chemicals through my bloodstream. It’s like I can feel them flooding me. I just can’t trust that he won’t do something nutty in the car and he will not listen to me if I warn him. Maybe it’s better now, I don’t know. I haven’t driven with him in months and only DH goes with him.  DH says he’s better now, but still hangs on to the wheel for dear life and seems to hate every second of driving. 

 

My youngest son just turned 16 and is able to start driving. He was out of the parking lot within 4 days. It’s effortless to teach him. He listens to instruction, he talks about what he sees, he doesn’t jerk the car around, he’s relaxed and telling jokes while driving, yet is still taking it seriously. He says things like, “C’mon, Mom, tell me if I’m doing something wrong!” and I’m like, “Son, you’re not doing anything wrong.” Only once in a while do I have to instruct him and he immediately corrects what he’s doing. He’s a natural. Thank goodness. Because teaching my oldest was a horrible experience. And only people who’ve gone through it understand. People might think I’m being dramatic or making cliche jokes about “having to teach a teenager to drive”. But it was almost traumatizing to me and I’m pretty sure my son feels the same way. 

 

Yeah, my oldest is both SERIOUSLY anxious (but sooooo much better on meds and since doing counseling, except neither of those things seemed to touch the driving anxiety) but also WOULD NOT LISTEN.  So if I said, "Slow down here before we get to that turn," they'd say, "I'll slow down when I need to."  And......I don't know how to teach someone who won't listen to what I say.  And it wasn't safe.  We don't have functional public transit here, but maybe when they become an adult they'll need to prioritize living somewhere where that's a thing.  Or do professional driving school with someone not related to them.  I dunno.  It just sucks.  

[Garga]

9 hours ago, Terabith said:

Yeah, my oldest is both SERIOUSLY anxious (but sooooo much better on meds and since doing counseling, except neither of those things seemed to touch the driving anxiety) but also WOULD NOT LISTEN.  So if I said, "Slow down here before we get to that turn," they'd say, "I'll slow down when I need to."  And......I don't know how to teach someone who won't listen to what I say.  And it wasn't safe.  We don't have functional public transit here, but maybe when they become an adult they'll need to prioritize living somewhere where that's a thing.  Or do professional driving school with someone not related to them.  I dunno.  It just sucks.  

We are teaching the same kid! I’m sorry. It’s hard.

[alisoncooks]

Gah. Y'all are scaring me, lol. Here I was, just worried about passing the test! I hadn't had time to worry to the actual driving bit!

(Actually, this is the child that I butt heads with the most...but if it comes to it, DH has a flexible schedule and can do her driving.)

[cintinative]

8 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

Gah. Y'all are scaring me, lol. Here I was, just worried about passing the test! I hadn't had time to worry to the actual driving bit!

(Actually, this is the child that I butt heads with the most...but if it comes to it, DH has a flexible schedule and can do her driving.)

Me too! I might need a support group!!  

My oldest is eligible to get his learner's but he has to take the paper test first--then we have to start the in-car. He is my compliant, cautious kid, so he will probably drive like a granny (no offense to your grannies), but be fine. My youngest, on the other hand--OY. He is my anxious, impulsive kid. 

I was a mix of the two--anxious, cautious and compliant--in short, afraid.  I was an emotional mess when I hit 16 and was just not prepared to deal with driving as well--so I didn't get mine for another 2 years.  Also my dad tried to teach me stick and I practically ruined my mom's car tires. I still can't drive stick. 

[Terabith]

6 hours ago, cintinative said:

Me too! I might need a support group!!  

My oldest is eligible to get his learner's but he has to take the paper test first--then we have to start the in-car. He is my compliant, cautious kid, so he will probably drive like a granny (no offense to your grannies), but be fine. My youngest, on the other hand--OY. He is my anxious, impulsive kid. 

I was a mix of the two--anxious, cautious and compliant--in short, afraid.  I was an emotional mess when I hit 16 and was just not prepared to deal with driving as well--so I didn't get mine for another 2 years.  Also my dad tried to teach me stick and I practically ruined my mom's car tires. I still can't drive stick. 

Yeah, learning to drive seriously traumatized me.  We moved when I was 16, and my parents were adamant I needed to get my license in Tennessee and not South Dakota.  So I was driving with my mom (which...that was bad), and she told me to pull up a little bit on the driveway, which was on a hill.  I told her I didn't think I could, because I thought I would hit the garage.  She told me I had to, so I pulled forward and hit the garage.  Which had undiscovered termite damage and collapsed.  Did I mention the house was under contract?  That was bad.

Then, my dad insisted I learn to drive stick.  He parked the car on a very, very steep hill, made me drive, and there were people behind me, honking.  It's been 25 years, and the idea of driving stick still makes me panicky.  I flat will not learn.  

I have sympathy for my kids, but I do think they need to learn.  But....I don't think I'm the one to teach them.  

[MamaSprout]

On 4/7/2021 at 1:11 PM, SusanC said:

Both my twins got their permits, now I'm knee deep in being driven around and around for ONE HUNDRED HOURS during a pandemic that has meant we have nowhere to go.

Been there done that. With a toddler in the back seat, lol. DH had to to dc3. I was just. Done. Somehow I’m riding mostly with dc4....

I think you are in my state. Did you see that they pushed back the driving age by 3 months last year? 

[Miss Tick]

 

 

 

 

1 hour ago, MamaSprout said:

Been there done that. With a toddler in the back seat, lol. DH had to to dc3. I was just. Done. Somehow I’m riding mostly with dc4....

I think you are in my state. Did you see that they pushed back the driving age by 3 months last year? 

😆 "I'll see your twins and raise you a toddler." I fold! I've been staying out of all the details so far. The local driving school is so backed up it doesn't make a difference at at this point.

[Miss Tick]

 

On 4/7/2021 at 1:38 PM, daijobu said:

Knitting and keeping my eyes off the road helped.

I am not to this point of detachment yet. I have been intentionally leaving my knitting behind in order to ensure that I am fully paying attention. I guess I feel duty bound to be able to relate every detail as faithfully as possible to the responding officers in case ... you know 😉😉.

[Junie]

Ds20 wasn't really interested in taking a driver's ed course, so he waited until after he turned 18.  

He came home from college for Christmas and I taught him to drive over Christmas break.

 

[Swimmer1112]

On 4/10/2021 at 5:36 PM, Junie said:

Ds20 wasn't really interested in taking a driver's ed course, so he waited until after he turned 18.  

He came home from college for Christmas and I taught him to drive over Christmas break.

 

My dd was the same, she got her license at 19.

[RootAnn]

Dd#3 is enrolled in the local school driver's ed for this summer. They changed this year to online driver's ed. The on road driving is just instructor with student instead of two kids with instructor (which makes me nervous because the only instructor this year is an older (kinda creepy) male & I have a daughter).

DH has been taking her out for driving lessons lately. We live rural - a two-stop-light town - so learning to drive isn't horrible.

[alisoncooks]

UPDATE:

Whew! I officially have a kid with a learner's permit. DMV test was today and she got all but one right!

I will say, sooo many hoops to jump through. I don't see how those without certain resources are able to meet these demands (for their kids or themselves). Maybe they don't. The document requirements, the online appointment, the online request for certain school documentation (multiple steps)...I have a college degree and am fairly capable, and it was all stressing me out.  But that's another thread... 😉

[RootAnn]

Congrats to her..

Thanks for the update!

Some states obviously must make it easier than yours.

To get her driver's permit (to practice driving with an authorized driver 21 or older), Dd had to present ID (we used birth certificate, social security card, and two things showing our address that had my name on them which were accepted because she's a minor). She took the written test on the computer (free practice available online). No school papers were needed. It was a walk up appointment on a Wednesday.

I think the toughest question for her was, "what class are you missing to be here?" 

Edited August 4, 2021 by RootAnn

[Dmmetler]

Glad it worked out!!
 

My 16 yr old was finally able to take (and pass) the road test today. Driver’s Ed didn’t happen until late May, and then we couldn’t get an appointment that wasn’t two months away. So, license is now in hand. COVID definitely messed things up-long delay to get the permit, not being able to get driver’s Ed, and then a backlog on appointments.

 

On the plus side, the test apparently involved driving the double masked examiner around a couple of block route, around the DMV and parking. Very anticlimactic. 

[MamaSprout]

16 hours ago, alisoncooks said:

UPDATE:

Whew! I officially have a kid with a learner's permit. DMV test was today and she got all but one right!

I will say, sooo many hoops to jump through. I don't see how those without certain resources are able to meet these demands (for their kids or themselves). Maybe they don't. The document requirements, the online appointment, the online request for certain school documentation (multiple steps)...I have a college degree and am fairly capable, and it was all stressing me out.  But that's another thread... 😉

When I was in the BMV with Dd for her driver's test there was a Amish guy getting his permit and the conversation went something like,

"Okay now you need to drive 50 practice hours with a licensed driver who is relative over the age of 21."

Dubious stare.

"Umm, We don't care how distant the relative is....forth cousin twice removed is fine!"

Talk about barriers to access. ETA of course in that county, "fourth cousins" might be pretty much half the county.

Edited August 5, 2021 by MamaSprout

[MamaSprout]

2 hours ago, Dmmetler said:

 

 

On the plus side, the test apparently involved driving the double masked examiner around a couple of block route, around the DMV and parking. Very anticlimactic. 

Dd's examiner said, "Oh, I see you used that driving program." and basically went around the block with her, made a couple of left turns, and parked in the parking lot. I think they kind of size up drivers when they come in and decide who might need a little closer inspection who is probably fine.

That said, our local examiner is known to be mean, so we went a county over like all the other homeschoolers, lol.

[Sneezyone]

Congrats to your DC! Licenses in VA are basically issued by the behind the wheel instructor at the end of the week-long class. It's costs $$ to take (vs. the permit test prep which is done in class for free).   Kids have to keep their permits for 6 months (plus have sign off on their hours of prep before taking the behind the wheel test). It's so interesting to see how different the rules are.

[alisoncooks]

59 minutes ago, Sneezyone said:

Congrats to your DC! Licenses in VA are basically issued by the behind the wheel instructor at the end of the week-long class. It's costs $$ to take (vs. the permit test prep which is done in class for free).   Kids have to keep their permits for 6 months (plus have sign off on their hours of prep before taking the behind the wheel test). It's so interesting to see how different the rules are.

Yes! I grew up in NC but DH is from VA, and his driver's ed experience was much different than mine!

[Alice]

15 hours ago, Sneezyone said:

Congrats to your DC! Licenses in VA are basically issued by the behind the wheel instructor at the end of the week-long class. It's costs $$ to take (vs. the permit test prep which is done in class for free).   Kids have to keep their permits for 6 months (plus have sign off on their hours of prep before taking the behind the wheel test). It's so interesting to see how different the rules are.

Actually in VA you can do it all yourself as a homeschooler and avoid the $$ class. You have to apply to be the official instructor which you can do as a homeschooler (but not if you are a private school or public school parent...it’s the one weird area where the state gives us the advantage). Then they take the test at the DMV which usually only offers it to people over 18 getting their license for the first time.

We did this route for my oldest and it was a bit of a pain because of Covid making it difficult to find a DVM that was open for the testing. The actual test was ridiculously easy. Because of Covid (and it was pre-vaccine) they didn’t get in the car but watched him drive in a parking lot. Essentially he had to park twice and then do a few times around the lot. But it saved us a lot of money over taking the behind the wheel class. 

[Sneezyone]

1 minute ago, Alice said:

Actually in VA you can do it all yourself as a homeschooler and avoid the $$ class. You have to apply to be the official instructor which you can do as a homeschooler (but not if you are a private school or public school parent...it’s the one weird area where the state gives us the advantage). Then they take the test at the DMV which usually only offers it to people over 18 getting their license for the first time.

We did this route for my oldest and it was a bit of a pain because of Covid making it difficult to find a DVM that was open for the testing. The actual test was ridiculously easy. Because of Covid (and it was pre-vaccine) they didn’t get in the car but watched him drive in a parking lot. Essentially he had to park twice and then do a few times around the lot. But it saved us a lot of money over taking the behind the wheel class. 

This is great to know, thanks! DD is enrolled in PS so she got her green card the usual way and then we paid for the BTW but it wasn't cheap.

[mlktwins]

We just went through getting Learner's Permits in VA.  That wasn't too hard really.  Figuring out the rest of it is a bit more difficult/confusing and their website sucks!  We will likely be paying for driving school those last 7 hours and they won't have to take the driving test at the DMV.  Might be well worth the money!

[alisoncooks]

Update #2!

I now have a licensed driver! She went today and passed the driving test. She made some errors (rolling stop at a stop sign, eeek!), but I guess the instructor was in a generous mood, lol.

Side note:  I was amazed at the number of people that were turned away because they didn’t have their paperwork straight (to get permits and licenses). At least 4 families had no proof of insurance or were missing other required documents. I was so anxious we’d do that, I checked the dmv site 10x before we went, lol. (The site really could be more user friendly…)