Catch Me Up--what's just not done for babies anymore?

[Tanaqui]

Quote

- There seem to be some topics that are 'not for chit chat' because they are quite fraught: parents working vs at-home parenting; breastfeeding vs bottle; vaccines; baby sleeping with parents; whether they plan to have another baby or not, when, etc ... probably more. Just be super sensitive.

 

The most fraught topic ever? Santa. Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the Santa wars.

[JustEm]

10 minutes ago, Arctic Mama said:

Yeah, since I don’t lie to my kids it’s pretty straightforward here.

 

 

 

🤣🤣🤣

 

Claws come out when people call it lying though.  

[wathe]

6 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

 

 

I think they stopped making those before my daughter was born and she’s 23. My niece had the only one around because her mom found an old one. I think around that time they stopped calling them walkers and started calling them exersaucers. (I could be wrong. It’s been a minute.)

They're definitely still a thing.  Canadian parents smuggle them home over the border.

[KungFuPanda]

2 minutes ago, wathe said:

They're definitely still a thing.  Canadian parents smuggle them home over the border.

Wow. I had no idea. I thought they phased those out in the mid 90s.  My sister once as an apartment below a child in a walker. She said it sounded like they were bowling all the time. 🤣

[bensonduck]

When I was a kid in the mid 80s, a neighbor’s toddler fell down the basement stairs in a walker. He was fine, but hearing my mother and his mother talk about the experience scared me so much I never thought about buying one for my own kids. 

[rebcoola]

Swaddle is 6 weeks is basically because of precocious rollers.  They want you to stop before their is any chance of rolling or flipping.

 

The leaps or wonder weeks are about mentaldevelopment rather than motor development.  https://www.thewonderweeks.com/the-mental-leaps-and-wonder-weeks/. their is an app so you can be prepared. 

So it's kind of funny because talking about rolling or sitting everyone is quick to remind people that babies develop in the own time.  While simultaneously following this app so they know when these mental leaps will happen and they can be prepared for grumpy baby. I don't begrudge them and don't say anything negative.

I have always been quiet in baby groups in general because my babies are super easy.  They all have slept through the night between 6-8weeks. Breastfeed well but take the bottle when I'm gone with no issue and just in general are easy babies.  I know I don't do anything magical.  I was an exceptionally easy baby to so it must be genetic.

 

Edited June 20, 2020 by rebcoola

[Carol in Cal.]

Oh!  This all reminds me--If you want an intro to the highly anxious trying to do everything perfectly current crop, there is an absolutely hilarious novel about it, set in San Francisco.  I've read it over and over and it is so funny that even knowing what's coming I still enjoy it.  
It's called "How To Party With An Infant".  The parts about how to pick the right Elimination Specialist leave me quite bemused.

BTW, Quill, it's my nieces and nephews having babies that triggered this whole line of thought.  I used to make handwoven and handknit baby blankets, the one gift that was always welcome, and was stunned to find that not only is it no longer welcome, but actually considered dangerous to put a baby blanket on a baby in a crib.  So...I wanted to try to figure out what the other current customs are, so I won't do something dumb out of ignorance.

When I was a kid, we had a car bed.  This kind of draped the long way between the front seat back and the dashboard (we had bench seats in those days, even in front.  No seat belts of course.)  and it meant that my dad could drive, and my mom could put the baby down for a nap right next to her, all in an unrestrained row across the front seat.  We thought that was just so cool.  <end boggle>

Regarding jogging strollers, when I was a new mother the Baby Jogger was highly technical and totally optimized for actual jogging.  It had big inflatable bicycle wheels that did not turn but were so big and well balanced that the contraption turned better than stroller with turning wheels.  It was so raring to go that if you didn't fasten on the wrist strap, it might silently float away from you in the grocery store.  Mine had the optional rain cover and the biggest wheels--they would ride up over curbs without ever balking at all.  AFAIK they don't make that kind anymore.   The new ones have a lot more pockets and gadgets but the wheels are not as big or as well balanced and you can't really picture running with your baby with them, which was honestly the main point of the old ones.  I was not much of a jogger, but I took mine for hikes and long walks, and it did great on city sidewalks but also hauling across big rooty lawns at parks.  

 

[wathe]

4 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

It was considered dangerous to put a baby blanket in a crib before my oldest was born, but we still treasured those home made blankets.  We wrapped the baby in them when they were in our arms, and laid them down to give the slightly older baby a place to play, and tucked them around them for winter walks int eh stroller, and after 1 they can sleep with them, or wrap their baby dolls in them, or do all sorts of things.  

I received a beautiful handmade crib quilt.  I mounted it on the wall above the crib, as a work of art 🙂

 

[rebcoola]

4 hours ago, hjffkj said:

 

 

16 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

 

When I was a kid, we had a car bed.  This kind of draped the long way between the front seat back and the dashboard (we had bench seats in those days, even in front.  No seat belts of course.)  and it meant that my dad could drive, and my mom could put the baby down for a nap right next to her, all in an unrestrained row across the front seat.  We thought that was just so cool.  <end boggle>

Regarding jogging strollers, when I was a new mother the Baby Jogger was highly technical and totally optimized for actual jogging.  

 

 My oldest sister had a car bed my mom apparently used to put it behind the seat on the deck thing meant for storing the top when down on her convertible. 

The jogging strollers have a range now.  You can still find the big fixed wheel ones.  But the lite versions with turning wheels seem more popular. 

[Carol in Cal.]

1 minute ago, rebcoola said:

 

 My oldest sister had a car bed my mom apparently used to put it behind the seat on the deck thing meant for storing the top when down on her convertible. 

 

OMgosh, I forgot all about that--when my parents met, they each had the same car--a 1953 Ford convertible.  They had those deck things, basically big full width canvas slings, and when my brother and I were little we used to climb into them so we could see out the back window.  We called them 'the wells'.  When we were older, we used them to store car games.  Needless to say, the tops didn't come down very often.

[Xahm]

3 hours ago, bolt. said:

I think maybe the reason for the blank looks is just that between sleep deprivation and "earnestness" -- they might have found your advice perhaps not condescending, but actually incomprehensible. Because a lot of the time you can't actually implement "it doesn't matter" as a form of action. That's like someone who says they "don't really mind" where they want to go out for lunch. It's not helpful in actually picking a place and going there. Even if 'it' isn't an important decision in parenting, a parent can't just make-no-decision. The next time it comes up, she does have to do *something* -- she can't just stand there thinking 'this is too minor to make my mind up about'.

If 'it' doesn't matter, I suggest listening to where the parent is already leaning, then affirm that, "That sounds good" to you. Very promising. With specific good features. What a good mom she is for thinking of it. Follow up with whatever seem to be the other options saying, "But, yeah I don't think there's anything wrong with this-or-that other approach, if you need a plan B." This approach builds her confidence and helps settle something that is nagging her, instead of focusing on the ways you think she might be overthinking.

I think this is good advice, but it also reminds me of when my oldest were 2 and 6 months (now 6 and 8, so not that long ago) and I was constantly sleep deprived but having a good time. They were both easy kids as long as we stayed flexible, kept them fed, and didn't let any strangers near the baby. An old family friend had a toddler in between the ages of my two and asked what method I was using to raise them. I came out with something about "we're doing what works and it seems to be working," and she responded back, "oh, we're raising kids God's Way." My sleepy brain was so confused. I was staring at her one child, trying to figure out how she was raising "kids" at all. I think I said something about how that's a good goal for all of us and disengaged as quickly as possible, which is easy when you have a baby and a toddler who are awake. After a while I realized she was quoting the title of a book and simply decided never to talk to her about child rearing.

To answer the original question, at least around me, parents and babies are now just flooded with so much stuff! We had about ten beautiful, special blankets given to our oldest, plus the every day kinds. So many toys, clothes, feeding gadgets. It can be hard because new mom is grateful, but it comes to feel like a burden to need to enjoy each special thing. Granny gave this, Miss Ida gave that. For those in a small apartment, it can be a real problem, too. Consignment sale are overflowing with new and nearly new baby stuff at pennies on the dollar.  That's not to say not to give your special thing, because those are meaningful, but just to share what many of my friends and I have noticed. 

[Carol in Cal.]

3 minutes ago, xahm said:

 

To answer the original question, at least around me, parents and babies are now just flooded with so much stuff! We had about ten beautiful, special blankets given to our oldest, plus the every day kinds. So many toys, clothes, feeding gadgets. It can be hard because new mom is grateful, but it comes to feel like a burden to need to enjoy each special thing. Granny gave this, Miss Ida gave that. For those in a small apartment, it can be a real problem, too. Consignment sale are overflowing with new and nearly new baby stuff at pennies on the dollar.  That's not to say not to give your special thing, because those are meaningful, but just to share what many of my friends and I have noticed. 

That is an excellent point.

When I go to baby showers, I usually bring clothes for older infant sizes instead of newborns.  It's always well received, and unlike a lot of the infant stuff, tends not to be outgrown in a couple of months.

But if I'm going to make something from scratch, handweaving or handknitting, it's in a whole different category.  I have never liked the hand made stuffed animals more than the store bought ones, but blankets and some toys (like soft blocks) can be waaaay better than store bought.  I need to think of more stuff like that to make.

[Tanaqui]

Oh, if you just want to give gifts, I find the thing that's always appreciated is tons of diapers. Find out if they're angling for cloth or disposable and then get a large stockpile in increasing sizes.

My go-to gift, though, is always always always books. Books, books, and more books. Can never have enough books. Books and diapers.

If you're hand making it, maybe save the blanket for the first birthday?

Edited June 20, 2020 by Tanaqui

[Paige]

We got a hand made soft ball for my DD that was really nice. It was a good size, wouldn't hurt if it hit anything, and the way it was made, out of different chunky pieces, meant she could grip it easily at a young age. 

[JustEm]

45 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

Swaddle is 6 weeks is basically because of precocious rollers.  They want you to stop before their is any chance of rolling or flipping.

o it's kind of funny because talking about rolling or sitting everyone is quick to remind people that babies develop in the own time.  While simultaneously following this app so they know when these mental leaps will happen and they can be prepared for grumpy baby. I don't begrudge them and don't say anything negative.

I have always been quiet in baby groups in general because my babies are super easy.  They all have slept through the night between 6-8weeks. Breastfeed well but take the bottle when I'm gone with no issue and just in general are easy babies.  I know I don't do anything magical.  I was an exceptionally easy baby to so it must be genetic.

 

 

 

The swaddle thing sorta makes sense.  Current baby has been doing it since since 3 months 6 days( I had to check my facebook post because I wrote about it the day it happened.) Had we continued to swaddle her she would certainly not be able to roll back over or turn her head easily if she ended up face down.  

I have a nephew who is a day younger than my youngest and a friends baby who is 2 days younger.  It is pretty fun to follow all the different developmental stages.  With my brother's kids we have many very close in age and mine always surpass the other in physical things, but his are all more verbal.  

I usually just say the reason I have 6 is because mine are so easy.  No special advice.  But mine have been like yours, very easy. 

[Carol in Cal.]

2 minutes ago, Paige said:

We got a hand made soft ball for my DD that was really nice. It was a good size, wouldn't hurt if it hit anything, and the way it was made, out of different chunky pieces, meant she could grip it easily at a young age. 

I have a great looking pattern for knitted blocks that I've been wanting to try.  Basically you knit the expanded shape (like a cross), changing colors at the end of each square, and then embroider something cute on each square, and then sew it together into a block shape with quilting type stuffing inside.  The pattern calls for a soft chime bell in the middle, but I think when I do it I will leave that out and then these would be perfect church toys.

[rebcoola]

Oh  gifts, the best personalized gift we got was a handmade cape sweater.  It fit forever, is so cute and it's small enough to save.

[TravelingChris]

20 hours ago, rebcoola said:

Swaddle only for the first 12 weeks or until they roll.  No other blankets unless you are watching.

Diaper bags depend on the mom mine is messenger style and attaches to my car seat stroller.  They don't look like they are for babies.

I'm not sure what you mean about jogging stroller we have a dedicated jogging stroller.

We use a home security cam that works with alexa as our baby monitor you can still get sound only.

I didn't hear as much about red, white and black with this new baby.   But it's still around.

 

Almost everything has snaps or is just stretchy.

 

Baby Bjorn's are still a thing but their are more choices.  I have a Moby but most people seem to have the ergo.

No sippy cups only straws or 360's for teeth devolpment.  Those 360 cups are amazing and easier to clean.

Rear facing in car seats until at least 2 and 4 is normal.  This makes the infant bucket less popular.  

No baby food until 4-6 months closer to 6 months because of research on gut health. This has led to a rise of baby led weaning which basically just means skipping or not feeding food until baby is ready for solid foods.  No mush.

Okay,  how are the car seats made now because my kids had reversal type seats but had to go to the front a little before 1 because they were too tall for the rear facing seats.  Their legs wouldn't fit/.

 

Also, is this stupid ban on blankets due to SIDS?  Most of the SIDS deaths were due to things like co-sleeping or actually sick children.  What are parents supposed to due- put kids in snow suits to be warm????  So at what age are blankets not discouraged????

As to not feeding food until 4-6 months- that was true even in 1989.  With each child, we started at 4 months because they were too hungry and more than 48oz of baby formula was not recommended.

I  don't really remember buttons even back in 89= lots of snaps and 

[Janeway]

No hoods or draw strings on tops. Car seats and boosters go to 12 yrs old now. Don't leave a baby sleeping in the car seat.  Wait on solid foods until 6 months old, and then there is this breating sensor you attack to the baby's foot, I don't recall what it is called. 

[Carol in Cal.]

46 minutes ago, rebcoola said:

Oh  gifts, the best personalized gift we got was a handmade cape sweater.  It fit forever, is so cute and it's small enough to save.

Might you have a picture?

Did it have a hood?

What about design--was it sewn, knit, made out of felt?

[teachermom2834]

My kids were born in ‘98, ‘00, ‘03, and ‘08. 
Details are fuzzy but I’m pretty sure at least a couple of them would not have slept much if sleeping in a car seat was a no go.

They are all fine 🙂
 

Even in ‘98 we weren’t supposed to use blankets in the crib but I loved baby blankets and always had many uses for them. 
 

We also had an actual walker with wheels Ion ‘98 we found at Target I think but the move was being made to the exersaucer. We didn’t have stairs and it seemed safe but it was kind of a secret that we had one.

Edited June 20, 2020 by teachermom2834

[rebcoola]

30 minutes ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Might you have a picture?

Did it have a hood?

What about design--was it sewn, knit, made out of felt?

It was crocheted.  So that is her wearing it at like 3 months and she still wears it at 17 months it's just a shrug now.

Edited June 20, 2020 by rebcoola
Added second picture

[kesmom]

OP, as an aunt, if you haven't talked to the parents-to-be much I would try to get an idea of what they like based on their baby registry. You don't have to buy from it, but their preferences might inspire you.

If they don't have a registry, you can't go wrong with classic board books or pajamas in bigger sizes. Sleepers that zip from the bottom are popular. (and wonderful) I've purchased them at Target and Old Navy but there are probably other stores that also carry them.

Homemade blankets are lovely. I had my kids' baby quilts on the floor for playing before they were crawling.

Edited June 20, 2020 by kesmom
grammar

[KungFuPanda]

I think It was on this board, during a similar discussion, that someone mentioned that their go-to gift for new parents is rechargeable batteries and a charger. 😂 

[Carol in Cal.]

1 hour ago, kesmom said:

OP, as an aunt, if you haven't talked to the parents-to-be much I would try to get an idea of what they like based on their baby registry. You don't have to buy from it, but their preferences might inspire you.

If they don't have a registry, you can't go wrong with classic board books or pajamas in bigger sizes. Sleepers that zip from the bottom are popular. (and wonderful) I've purchased them at Target and Old Navy but there are probably other stores that also carry them.

Homemade blankets are lovely. I had my kids' baby quilts on the floor for playing before they were crawling.

Right, but see, I MAKE things.  But the registries are helpful in figuring out hand me downs and such.

[Carol in Cal.]

35 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I think It was on this board, during a similar discussion, that someone mentioned that their go-to gift for new parents is rechargeable batteries and a charger. 😂 

See, in my world that would b coffee.  Except not while I was BFing.

🙂

Actually, one of the greatest gifts I gave to my moms’ group was when I said, I just never put batteries in things because they are fun without the noise and fun AND annoying with it.  Everyone looked at me like A Whole New World had just started to play right over my head.  

[Tanaqui]

8 hours ago, Arctic Mama said:

Yeah, since I don’t lie to my kids it’s pretty straightforward here.

 

 

 

🤣🤣🤣

 

Something, something, circumcision breastfeeding SANTA SANTA SANTA.

[Jean in Newcastle]

3 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Something, something, circumcision breastfeeding SANTA SANTA SANTA.

Are you trying to summon Spy Car?

[Soror]

You know it is good that new Moms are anxious and looking towards what is new, otherwise we'd still be at bf'ing is horrible for a baby and should never be done and all kinds of lunacy from the past.

[Momto6inIN]

5 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Actually, one of the greatest gifts I gave to my moms’ group was when I said, I just never put batteries in things because they are fun without the noise and fun AND annoying with it.  Everyone looked at me like A Whole New World had just started to play right over my head.  

I do this too! Makes life so much quieter and more peaceful when it's the toddler making the noise, not the toy. 

[sweet2ndchance]

13 hours ago, bolt. said:

There's something about sunscreen. Maybe none under a certain age? Maybe specific chemicals only for kids' versions? My cousin-in-law was really focused on shade for her newborn and there didn't seem to be another option for avoiding sunburn in her thoughts. (I didn't ask her, because even curiosity can seem like criticism, so I don't know the specifics.)

Last I knew, no sunscreen under 6 months old and sparingly until they are a year old was the recommendation. Shade or avoiding extended amounts of time in the sun was the alternative to sunscreen. That may have changed, my youngest is 7.5yo now.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Oh!  This all reminds me--If you want an intro to the highly anxious trying to do everything perfectly current crop, there is an absolutely hilarious novel about it, set in San Francisco.  I've read it over and over and it is so funny that even knowing what's coming I still enjoy it.  
It's called "How To Party With An Infant".  The parts about how to pick the right Elimination Specialist leave me quite bemused.

BTW, Quill, it's my nieces and nephews having babies that triggered this whole line of thought.  I used to make handwoven and handknit baby blankets, the one gift that was always welcome, and was stunned to find that not only is it no longer welcome, but actually considered dangerous to put a baby blanket on a baby in a crib.  So...I wanted to try to figure out what the other current customs are, so I won't do something dumb out of ignorance.

When I was a kid, we had a car bed.  This kind of draped the long way between the front seat back and the dashboard (we had bench seats in those days, even in front.  No seat belts of course.)  and it meant that my dad could drive, and my mom could put the baby down for a nap right next to her, all in an unrestrained row across the front seat.  We thought that was just so cool.  <end boggle>

Regarding jogging strollers, when I was a new mother the Baby Jogger was highly technical and totally optimized for actual jogging.  It had big inflatable bicycle wheels that did not turn but were so big and well balanced that the contraption turned better than stroller with turning wheels.  It was so raring to go that if you didn't fasten on the wrist strap, it might silently float away from you in the grocery store.  Mine had the optional rain cover and the biggest wheels--they would ride up over curbs without ever balking at all.  AFAIK they don't make that kind anymore.   The new ones have a lot more pockets and gadgets but the wheels are not as big or as well balanced and you can't really picture running with your baby with them, which was honestly the main point of the old ones.  I was not much of a jogger, but I took mine for hikes and long walks, and it did great on city sidewalks but also hauling across big rooty lawns at parks.  

 

Re: the bolded: I am knitting baby blankets for all my great nieces and nephews. I don’t think of it as a crucial functional item they will surely use every day. I fully expect it to be more decorative. (For one thing, some babies are born in the summer and, even with an open stitch, how much actual baby blanket use they will get from it is certainly debatable.) 

Now - I can certainly see the argument of, “Well, I’m not going to spend twenty hours knitting a blanket they won’t even use.” In my own relationship calculus, I have decided I want to be the aunt who makes the blankets for all the babies. Unless one of these nieces tells me directly - or by way of their mom - that they do not want a blanket, don’t see the point, find it impractical, etc., I’m going to keep doing this. I think it is much more lovely than buying some forgettable thing that’s different for every new baby. 

[barnwife]

9 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

Okay,  how are the car seats made now because my kids had reversal type seats but had to go to the front a little before 1 because they were too tall for the rear facing seats.  Their legs wouldn't fit/.

Most things I can think of have been mentioned. But I wanted to make sure this didn't go unanswered. Yes, their legs would have fit. Yes, they would have had to bend their knees. But...that's how kids sit!  It's preferable because in an accident, broken legs are far, far preferable to internal decapitation. ERF is recommended until at least 2, but ideally until the child hits the RF limits of the car seat. 

IOW, it's not that seats are necessarily made differently, it's our understanding of how positioning can protect that makes ERF the best option. 

OP, if you go the homemade route, please, please make it washable. I have a ton of absolutely gorgeous knitted blankets from a dear family member. All were made with yarn she made and dyed herself. They are truly works of art. They must be hand-washed so they don't felt. 

Our first kid was a projectile spitter-upper. I used at least 1 bath towel per feeding as a burp cloth for about the first 6 months of his life. In such a situation, non-machine washable blankets or anything are a no-go. So I packed them in a rubbermaid tote and they can be family heirlooms someday. (I do take 1 photo of baby with each blanket before that happens.) 

But when I think of all the time and effort went into those many blankets...it makes me sad that their use was 1 photo and then to be basically hidden away. 

[KungFuPanda]

Wait, wouldn’t they still use blankets for chilly stroller walks? I say knit away!

[Arcadia]

2 hours ago, Quill said:

Re: the bolded: I am knitting baby blankets for all my great nieces and nephews. I don’t think of it as a crucial functional item they will surely use every day.

...

Now - I can certainly see the argument of, “Well, I’m not going to spend twenty hours knitting a blanket they won’t even use.” In my own relationship calculus, I have decided I want to be the aunt who makes the blankets for all the babies. Unless one of these nieces tells me directly - or by way of their mom - that they do not want a blanket, don’t see the point, find it impractical, etc., I’m going to keep doing this. I think it is much more lovely than buying some forgettable thing that’s different for every new baby. 

Baby blankets are keepsakes in my social circle. Grandparents would have made at least one if they are able to (my paternal grandma doesn’t sew or knit, maternal grandma made a quilt for each grandchild).

[rjand6more]

I loved having small/medium sized blankets for cuddling.  Homemade is so special!

 

One of my favorite baby gifts was a homemade busy book. Kind of like this.

Another is a carseat cover or shopping cart cover.

[ikslo]

From my DHs side, we got the knitted baby blanket.  Love it.  

From my mom’s side of the family, the go-to must gift is a knit Christmas stocking with initials.  Same basic pattern through the years, but the tightness of the knit, the shade of the colors, the type of yarn all vary slightly depending on the knitter.  You have to either marry into the family or be born into it to get one.  No exceptions! 

 

As as far as new ideas, I can’t get past the rear-facing for x number of years.  Drives me crazy to see toddlers with their knees crammed up to their faces.  I’m glad I was able to change my son around before the two year thing was mandatory.  You can talk to me about safety until you are blue in the face, but I think parents should be able to perform their own risk assessments and weigh one risk over the other.  I keep waiting for the long-term effects of this articles to come out and the recommendations to be reversed. Got to be doing something to bone development or muscle development, etc.  ah, maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but no different than others talking about the recommendations they choose to ignore, right?  That said, DS was kept in a booster until he was the right height/age per his pediatrician.  It’s just the leg thing that gets me.  I actually get really upset thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

[Tanaqui]

Quote

Got to be doing something to bone development or muscle development, etc.  ah, maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but no different than others talking about the recommendations they choose to ignore, right?

 

Exactly how much time are your kids sitting in the car that you think they might possibly be damaging their bones or muscles by crossing their legs? Maybe that's the problem here, you're spending too much time driving.

[Tree Frog]

12 hours ago, TravelingChris said:

Okay,  how are the car seats made now because my kids had reversal type seats but had to go to the front a little before 1 because they were too tall for the rear facing seats.  Their legs wouldn't fit/.

 

3 hours ago, barnwife said:

Most things I can think of have been mentioned. But I wanted to make sure this didn't go unanswered. Yes, their legs would have fit. Yes, they would have had to bend their knees. But...that's how kids sit!  It's preferable because in an accident, broken legs are far, far preferable to internal decapitation. ERF is recommended until at least 2, but ideally until the child hits the RF limits of the car seat. 

IOW, it's not that seats are necessarily made differently, it's our understanding of how positioning can protect that makes ERF the best option. 
 

 

25 minutes ago, ikslo said:

As as far as new ideas, I can’t get past the rear-facing for x number of years.  Drives me crazy to see toddlers with their knees crammed up to their faces.  I’m glad I was able to change my son around before the two year thing was mandatory.  You can talk to me about safety until you are blue in the face, but I think parents should be able to perform their own risk assessments and weigh one risk over the other.  I keep waiting for the long-term effects of this articles to come out and the recommendations to be reversed. Got to be doing something to bone development or muscle development, etc.  ah, maybe it’s just wishful thinking on my part, but no different than others talking about the recommendations they choose to ignore, right?  That said, DS was kept in a booster until he was the right height/age per his pediatrician.  It’s just the leg thing that gets me.  I actually get really upset thinking about it. 🤷‍♀️

My kids were rear facing until they were a year old and a certain weight. If my 4 year olds had been rear facing, we couldn't have taken the many long distance trips we took. I would think their legs would be totally cramped. 

Don't 3 and 4 year olds get bored watching the back of the seat? Or have the seats changed so they can see out the windows? I can't imagine trying to have a conversation with a child I couldn't see. It would make conversations much more difficult if I couldn't see where they were pointing to or if their voices were muffled due to facing away from me. Do they just read books or watch devices when they're in the car? Do they only interact with older siblings sitting next to them? (I'm not being snarky, but am sincerely curious.)

OK, so I googled some images. It looks like the kids are more reclining (almost laying on their backs) than sitting upright. Their feet are up the back of the seat. Maybe enough kids are driving now who find sitting upright uncomfortable and that's why they make those front seat headrests so uncomfortable for those of us who don't like to recline when driving.😂 It still doesn't look like they can see out the window easily, though.

[Tree Frog]

2 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Exactly how much time are your kids sitting in the car that you think they might possibly be damaging their bones or muscles by crossing their legs? Maybe that's the problem here, you're spending too much time driving.

We made annual driving trips with 11-12 hours total time for 2 or 3 days in a row. We stopped at McD's for the kids to play, then back in the car they went to eat. It was too expensive to fly and rent a car on the other end. My kids couldn't have done that in a rear facing seat.

[TechWife]

On 6/19/2020 at 8:41 AM, perkybunch said:

There are sleep sacks now that you can zip baby into so no blanket issues.  Like this:

https://www.kohls.com/product/prd-197225/halo-microfleece-wearable-blanket.jsp?skuid=88558008&ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=INF%26TOD BASICS%26ACCES&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=google&utm_product=88558008&CID=shopping15&utm_campaignid=9733267351&pid=googleadwords_int&af_channel=CSE&gclid=CjwKCAjwxLH3BRApEiwAqX9arV665eP6XRsmW2Xbe4oOo_ZRC2eX4gq0FXTSUyxe55GBjnicv-iq-xoCoXoQAvD_BwE&gclsrc=aw.ds

These have been around for generations. They are cute & effective for babies that don't need to be swaddled. 

[ikslo]

3 minutes ago, Tanaqui said:

 

Exactly how much time are your kids sitting in the car that you think they might possibly be damaging their bones or muscles by crossing their legs? Maybe that's the problem here, you're spending too much time driving.

Well, I work. And at the time we were driving back and forth, a 45 min drive each way. He was in daycare closer to my job than home.  I’m not going to get into mommy wars with you, though.  I admitted it was my opinion. You are entitled to yours.

[TechWife]

On 6/19/2020 at 2:41 AM, rebcoola said:

Swaddle only for the first 12 weeks or until they roll.  No other blankets unless you are watching.

That would not have worked for my son. He needed to be swaddled for at least six months. He simply required the pressure to be able to sleep. He's had sensory issues all of his life and has ASD. He is an adult and sleeps with a weighted blanket. All of this is to say, listen to your baby and talk to your doctor if the standard recommendations don't work for your child. We had a lot of hints about the ASD from the very beginning, and this was one of them. The diagnosis wasn't made until he was 14 yo, which lost us a lot of valuable time.

[TechWife]

22 hours ago, teachermom2834 said:

This is fun. My baby is 12 but my oldest is 22 and that was the last time I really shopped or kept up with trends. We used all hand me downs for the three boys. Then there was a five year gap before my dd. I remember walking around Babies R Us and being shocked by the changes but I still did what I always did.

No sippy cups is shocking. I had no idea!

The rest seems familiar to me. But the diaper bags as fashion statements is funny. I am no fashionista but I do remember standing in the diaper bag aisle and asking why they were all decorated as though the baby would be carrying them? "I'm an adult woman! I don't want a Winne the Pooh purse!" haha. I remember having a navy and white gingham check bag that was the most acceptable to me. Ten years later, when I had my dd, I'm pretty sure I just shoved a diaper and some wipes in my purse and called it good. With four kids in tow I think I just gave up on having whatever I would need on me and took my chances. 

I remember buying diaper bags from Land's End because it was plain navy blue, both a small one and a large one. We used the large one for an overnight bag for ds for several years as the spaces were very versatile. A backpack would have worked well on some days, not on others, just depending on the activity. They were beginning to come out when ds was young, but I don't remember when I first started seeing them.

[barnwife]

5 minutes ago, wilrunner said:

We made annual driving trips with 11-12 hours total time for 2 or 3 days in a row. We stopped at McD's for the kids to play, then back in the car they went to eat. It was too expensive to fly and rent a car on the other end. My kids couldn't have done that in a rear facing seat.

Well, that's an opinion. And...facts just support it. Kids don't mind having their legs bent. And, given that many, many children now (well, not during a pandemic probably) do make trips like that, I will have to disagree that your kids couldn't have done it.

That being said, all of ours have been flipped forward at 3ish, due to needing to configure multiple seats and still get in/out of the car relatively easily. But they've all been able to see out windows and converse with others. (Yes, conversations are easier when they are front-facing. But...internal decapitation). So I am clearly not a "ERF or bust" person. I just know that evidence shows kids are safer RF (actually, all passengers would be in most crashes, is my understanding). This is definitely a "know better, do better" situation. 

I really, truly think it's one of those "well, that's not how it was for me/my kids" and so you (general) have trouble imagining that it could possibly, really, truly, not be a big deal for kids to ERF with legs bent. And given that evidence shows it's safer, I am glad recommendations/laws encourage/force doing better.

[TechWife]

On 6/19/2020 at 11:48 AM, Paige said:

Everyone literally covers the entire baby with a carseat or stroller blanket. I don't understand this- how do you know if baby can breathe and if there shouldn't be blankets in a crib, why is it ok to shove one over his face in a stroller?

I think this is an excellent question. I understand why they are saying no blankets in the crib, but this habit I see often flies in the face of that recommendation. My baby was born when "back to sleep" was new and we propped him on his side with a wedge made specifically for that purpose. My mom thought that was "very interesting." She was tactful when it came to babies.

[TechWife]

21 hours ago, Momto6inIN said:

This is hard for me too! In the "baby room" at church these young girls are all into their oh so earnest conversations about feeding and weaning and potty training and doing it all the "right" way. And when they ask me my opinion, I try to tell them from experience that all these things they're worried about really won't matter in a year or so. They just look at me blankly and blink and mentally disregard everything I just said.

I would have looked at you like that, too. To be fair, we had taken a really bad parenting class that told us not to trust parenting advice from older people because they probably indulged their children. I wonder if that mindset is still around? It took me a while to shake it.

[Carol in Cal.]

4 hours ago, barnwife said:

Most things I can think of have been mentioned. But I wanted to make sure this didn't go unanswered. Yes, their legs would have fit. Yes, they would have had to bend their knees. But...that's how kids sit!  It's preferable because in an accident, broken legs are far, far preferable to internal decapitation. ERF is recommended until at least 2, but ideally until the child hits the RF limits of the car seat. 

IOW, it's not that seats are necessarily made differently, it's our understanding of how positioning can protect that makes ERF the best option. 

OP, if you go the homemade route, please, please make it washable. I have a ton of absolutely gorgeous knitted blankets from a dear family member. All were made with yarn she made and dyed herself. They are truly works of art. They must be hand-washed so they don't felt. 

Our first kid was a projectile spitter-upper. I used at least 1 bath towel per feeding as a burp cloth for about the first 6 months of his life. In such a situation, non-machine washable blankets or anything are a no-go. So I packed them in a rubbermaid tote and they can be family heirlooms someday. (I do take 1 photo of baby with each blanket before that happens.) 

But when I think of all the time and effort went into those many blankets...it makes me sad that their use was 1 photo and then to be basically hidden away. 

ALWAYS washable and quite durable.  Never a lick of wool in any of them.  (And yes, I do know about washable wool.  But I’m allergic and so are most of my rellies.). Either heavyish cotton for the handwoven ones, or a Lion or other synthetic that does not feel plasticy for the knitted ones.

Edited June 20, 2020 by Carol in Cal.

[Carol in Cal.]

18 hours ago, Tanaqui said:

 

The most fraught topic ever? Santa. Nothing, and I mean nothing, beats the Santa wars.

Really?   Not Evil Sugar?

[Momto6inIN]

32 minutes ago, TechWife said:

I would have looked at you like that, too. To be fair, we had taken a really bad parenting class that told us not to trust parenting advice from older people because they probably indulged their children. I wonder if that mindset is still around? It took me a while to shake it.

Huh, never heard that one. I've heard the opposite argument that the older generation was more strict and likely to spank and be inflexible (online, not IRL). IRL I usually hear how we should listen to the wisdom of moms older than us and we can learn a lot.