Remember my difficult job decision?

[Night Elf]

I can't find that thread to update so will start a new one. The thrift store reopens Monday.  I went in for an informal meeting on Friday. They talked of how we don't need masks or gloves that that was just silly. So I didn't like that. Then they got onto my Eating Disorder treatment!! 4 ladies proceeded to gang up on me and saying ugly things about how long it's taking for me to recover and how I must not be praying to God in the right way. I was floored. I knew some of them held some different religious beliefs than me but that offended me immensely. I won't even get into that. I was good natured on the outside but inside I was crying, cringing and wanting to run out of the store. As we were leaving, I told them all I'd see them Monday afternoon. 

By the time I got home, my anxiety was through the roof. I was so upset by what had happened. I texted my manager and said so much she told me she needed time to process it. So I waited until Saturday morning and texted her again. I told her I felt it was an unsafe, non-supportive environment and was there anything she could do to make things better for me. She told me she didn't see anything wrong with how they were all treating me. One woman even yelled... and I mean top of her voice yelling. Meanwhile, the manager, who is supposed to be best friend, just sat quietly by and let the other ladies have their say. I was stunned that she felt how they treated me was okay. So I told her I didn't think it would be a healthy environment for me to be in while in treatment and that I wasn't coming back. I offered to bring my managers keys back. She just said it was my decision and she wouldn't expend her energy on talking to me as I'd probably see it as a further attack. That spoke volumes to me.

So there, I quit my job and I'm feeling devastated. I was having problems, that's true. I wanted to reduce my hours to 20 a week and just couldn't swing it as a manager. We agreed I'd contact her when I got out of program and I will probably be rehired if there is a position open. I wish I didn't have to go in tomorrow to turn in those keys because I don't want to see any of them and have them make comments on my quitting. I need to get my painting pole though, so I have to go in. I'm going to get there first thing in the morning and just get it over with. I don't want to be thinking about it all day. My program is 10:30 - 2:30 pm, and I'm worried I won't be able to focus if my anxiety is high about knowing I have to go to the store after program. So I'll just go in the morning. 

So I'm back to being a housewife. I have lots of time to think about what I want to do, especially with the virus stuff still happening. I don't know when I'll graduate from program but when I do, I might see if I can get a part time position at my church's preschool program. That would be ideal for me. My dream job is working with preschoolers. Maybe God will open that door for me since the door on the job I had closed. I have faith He'll put me where He wants me. I fell into my thrift store job. Maybe the same thing will happen with daycare.

So that's that. All I need to worry about right now is focusing on getting better. 

[Sk8ermaiden]

I'm sorry you're going miss having a job, but it sounds like you did the best thing for your health. I can't believe they would gang up on you like that and stick their noses in your business (and in such a mean and unhelpful way!!) 

Hugs - many, many hugs. I'm sorry you're going through this. And hopefully a better door opens soon.

[Scarlett]

I hope you can come to see that that was not a safe place for you.  For some reason they all feel like they are the boss of you and that you  need correcting.  I get all twitchy when I hear people blame any problem on failure to pray enough.  Arrogant much? 
 

I am happy you have the financial means to not have to have a job, although I am sure the money was nice.  It sounds like you need to focus on getting better.  You will find another job someday...and maybe lesson learned is to not confide personal stuff to co workers.  You have a great support system here at WTM I think..,and no one here has an agenda that makes it unsafe for you.  

[math teacher]

I'm sorry you were treated that way at the meeting, and that your boss didn't stand up for you. I'm looking for another job as well. Good luck as your treatment continues and I hope you find a job that fits you.

[Calm37]

30 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

4 ladies proceeded to gang up on me and saying ugly things about how long it's taking for me to recover and how I must not be praying to God in the right way. I was floored. I knew some of them held some different religious beliefs than me but that offended me immensely. I won't even get into that. I was good natured on the outside but inside I was crying, cringing and wanting to run out of the store. As we were leaving, I told them all I'd see them Monday afternoon. 

 

 

Beth,

I just wanted to respond and say be very careful not to believe a word of that prayer advice, the "pray in the right way" thing. It is a horrible lie. 

[Kanin]

Wow, that's completely awful. I'm so sorry you had to endure that. It's clear that they're not good people to be around. You're better off not working there, emotionally and physically!

[Ottakee]

As a Christian, I am very disappointed in how they treated you and blamed you.

Sounds like somewhere else might be a better fit.  

[regentrude]

I am sorry you were in such a  toxic environment. That is appalling behavior, and I can't believe the manager tolerated that. 

You are better off without this job.

[mumto2]

Hugs, I am sorry........

[gardenmom5]

Don't feel devastated - feel proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and quitting due to their unchristian behavior.  At least with your manager.  she has outed who *she really is* (so believe her) - and deep down, she is not as good of a Christian person as she seems to think she is.  Neither are any of your former coworkers.   The Bible does have a name for them.  "Job's Comforters".  ** 

And the "masks are silly" thing.   big. huge. eyeroll.   (hope they don't go to the hospital when they catch this and can't breathe.)

 **re: Job's comforters.  IME - they victim blame because they are under the delusion that being a "good person" protects them from bad things happening in their lives. And they're sure to tell people.  yeah.  right.    

[gardenmom5]

1 hour ago, Calm37 said:

 

Beth,

I just wanted to respond and say be very careful not to believe a word of that prayer advice, the "pray in the right way" thing. It is a horrible lie. 

IME - *correctly* praying in "the right way" - is to find drs who can accurately  diagnose and treat what is wrong.

I seriously doubt that's what they meant.  

[Night Elf]

Thanks ladies. I suppose I just need some time to get past this. I'll say there is a large part of me that is happy things worked out the way they did. It was definitely time for me to move on. I just wish it wasn't under such bad circumstances. I'm almost positive the manager will give me a positive reference. I was a great employee and I left under what could be considered medical circumstances. I did tell her I didn't feel safe there but she also understood I couldn't work and be in treatment at the same time.

[El...]

6 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

Don't feel devastated - feel proud of yourself for standing up for yourself and quitting due to their unchristian behavior.  At least with your manager.  she has outed who *she really is* (so believe her) - and deep down, she is not as good of a Christian person as she seems to think she is.  Neither are any of your former coworkers.   The Bible does have a name for them.  "Job's Comforters".  ** 

And the "masks are silly" thing.   big. huge. eyeroll.   (hope they don't go to the hospital when they catch this and can't breathe.)

 **re: Job's comforters.  IME - they victim blame because they are under the delusion that being a "good person" protects them from bad things happening in their lives. And they're sure to tell people.  yeah.  right.    

What she said. 

I'm floored by how they treated you.  You didn't deserve that. 

Big hugs.

[Night Elf]

2 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

IME - *correctly* praying in "the right way" - is to find drs who can accurately  diagnose and treat what is wrong.

I seriously doubt that's what they meant.  

No, they didn't mean that. Two of them believe you can pray your way out of any situation which is weird because they have both been in situations that were not resolved over night. My manager was in a car wreck months ago and is still suffering. Wouldn't that mean she's not praying right either? So how could she say that to me? I don't know. I just need to let it  go. I have big faith in God and have had my God-moments. I thoroughly believe it was God who led me to the treatment center I'm at right now. So there.

[gardenmom5]

6 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

No, they didn't mean that. Two of them believe you can pray your way out of any situation which is weird because they have both been in situations that were not resolved over night. My manager was in a car wreck months ago and is still suffering. Wouldn't that mean she's not praying right either? So how could she say that to me? I don't know. I just need to let it  go. I have big faith in God and have had my God-moments. I thoroughly believe it was God who led me to the treatment center I'm at right now. So there.

based on her own words . . . .  . . I'd think so.

 

If you're at the treatment center where God wants you - then that's where you need to be. 

 

some people (I don't know why) - seem to think God will rescue them without their lifting a finger.  Like the story of the man in a hurricane.  ignored warnings to leave beforehand "God will save me".   Afterwards were the floods.   rescuers in boats came to evac those still in their homes - God will save me.   When the floods have driven people on their roofs and rescuers in a helicopter comes by - God will save me.    And finally - at the Pearly Gates.   "why didn't God save me?"   God sent a warning, a boat, and a helicopter - what were you waiting for?

I'm of the mind that God gave us a brain - and expects us to use it.
 - 

[Harriet Vane]

Beth, I am sorry you had to see that ugliness. Utterly inappropriate and insensitive. Shake the dust from your feet and move on.

[fairfarmhand]

Did the apostle Paul ask that the Lord would take the “thorn in the flesh “ from him 3 times.

and God said no, my grace is enough so lean on me through this. 
 

even Jesus prayed “let this cup pass from me.”

[PrincessMommy]

2 hours ago, Danae said:

You are 100% better off without that job and those people. What you have described here is so incredibly inappropriate my head is spinning.

This so much!   That is not the way professionals should treat fellow employees or staff.  You are so, so much better off quitting.   Really awful about losing a friendship though.  hugs.

 

 I hope you'll be able to find a better job.

Edited May 3, 2020 by PrincessMommy

[TravelingChris]

I think it is such a right decision for you to leave that place.  I have had to distant myself from a number of people who had that same attitude.  My betrayal came last year at a church woman's conference where a mentally ill, substance abusing person grabbed my medication checklist and held it up to people and started saying my problems were because I took medications.  (No, I take medications so that I can live a sort of semblance of normal life-  and about half of my list are medications I am prescribed but do not take everyday-- things like epipens, extra meds for asthma, extra high blood pressure medication if I have a need,  or double or triple listings of the same medications because I take them twice or three times daily and need to keep track of what I take.  

Anyone who is pulling the card that "if you only pray enough or believe enough, x won't happen" needs to be ignored and best to stay away from.  It really makes me mad about how they treated you.  Not Christian in the least bit.

[73349]

That sounds like a very unhealthy environment. Even though you will need some time to adjust, I think you'll find you're better off not being there.

And they're being ridiculous about prayer: The Almighty is not a vending machine that will dispense what we want if we put in the perfect payment.

[mominco]

(((Hugs))) Nightelf

[Melissa in Australia]

hugs

[Rosie_0801]

What a pack of bitches!

If any of them bother you when you go back in, look them up and down as if they smell bad.

[Ausmumof3]

A lady from our church who has worked in some pretty responsible professional positions before wanted something to do now she’s retired and tried volunteering at one of the charity shops.  She didn’t last long and she’s not one to quit.  She works hard and doesn’t complain.  But she didn’t like the cattiness and gossip.  It sounds unfortunately like yours is a similar situation.  The way they treated you sounds horrible.  I’m glad you’re out for now and can manage without the income.  

[KungFuPanda]

Pfft. I’d have my husband or a friend drop off the keys and pick up the paint pole or mail the keys and forget the pole. You don’t have to subject yourself to people like that. 

[fairfarmhand]

1 hour ago, KungFuPanda said:

Pfft. I’d have my husband or a friend drop off the keys and pick up the paint pole or mail the keys and forget the pole. You don’t have to subject yourself to people like that. 

Same

[OH_Homeschooler]

I think it's illegal for your health condition to be discussed at work. It may be that you personally disclosed your condition to your co-workers, so it is okay that they know if that's the case. I just don't see why it would be okay to discuss it openly in a work meeting. Not that you should sue or try to get your job back because that place sounds horrible, but it might be worth noting to the manager that she shouldn't have done that. 

[Night Elf]

I survived my morning trip to the store. Only the manager was in the front. The lady I have the most trouble with stayed in back for which I was grateful. Carol and I talked for a few minutes and she told me that when I ready to get better, I'd get better and that she loved me. I started crying and she said it was okay to cry because this is a big change in my life. We agreed again that when I get out of program, I'll call her and see if she needs help. I didn't tell her I didn't think I'd actually do that. I kind of feel like this chapter in my life is over and it's time to move on to something new. So now I feel lots better because my  contact with them is officially over. I have no need to speak with them again and I certainly won't be shopping there even though they have some really good deals. We'll see.

[gardenmom5]

 

37 minutes ago, Night Elf said:

I survived my morning trip to the store. Only the manager was in the front. The lady I have the most trouble with stayed in back for which I was grateful. Carol and I talked for a few minutes and she told me that when I ready to get better, I'd get better and that she loved me. I started crying and she said it was okay to cry because this is a big change in my life. We agreed again that when I get out of program, I'll call her and see if she needs help. I didn't tell her I didn't think I'd actually do that. I kind of feel like this chapter in my life is over and it's time to move on to something new. So now I feel lots better because my  contact with them is officially over. I have no need to speak with them again and I certainly won't be shopping there even though they have some really good deals. We'll see.

wow.  So, she basically said you're not ready to get better yet, because you're not better.  Please - she's telling you who she is. Believe her!

Move on to something new - you do not need these people in your life.

I do like the suggestion of if you do go there, and one of the cats starts making comments, - just look them up and down as if you don't know what they are, and say "what?" like they're speaking a foreign language.   IF you do go back to shop - keep it *strictly* business.  absolutely NO chitchat.    (if you're shopping and they try to initiate conversation - "I'll let you know when I'm ready to check-out."  end of discussion.)

[Rosie_0801]

Eh. You don't need that emotionally abusive crap and they don't need you to help them feel good about it. Sod 'em.

[Annie G]

Those are some awful people.  You’re much better off without them. You are not like they are, and that’s such a good thing.   Shame on them. 
 

[katilac]

6 hours ago, OH_Homeschooler said:

I think it's illegal for your health condition to be discussed at work. It may be that you personally disclosed your condition to your co-workers, so it is okay that they know if that's the case. I just don't see why it would be okay to discuss it openly in a work meeting. Not that you should sue or try to get your job back because that place sounds horrible, but it might be worth noting to the manager that she shouldn't have done that. 

I was going to post the same thing. It doesn't matter if they know about your treatment or other personal information, the way they discussed it in a work meeting was completely inappropriate. A competent manager would have shut that down! 

The job served its purpose and now it's time to move on. In a while, it will be easier to remember only the good parts that helped you change and grow. 

[Harriet Vane]

1 hour ago, katilac said:

I was going to post the same thing. It doesn't matter if they know about your treatment or other personal information, the way they discussed it in a work meeting was completely inappropriate. A competent manager would have shut that down! 

The job served its purpose and now it's time to move on. In a while, it will be easier to remember only the good parts that helped you change and grow. 

Yes, this.