Can we talk about grey hair and coloring?

[Soror]

I am 40 with just a few random grays. I'm not far enough along to know if I will change my mind I plan on letting it go natural. Dh prefers a more natural look and I don't want the work or expense of dying. I'm currently working on embracing my curl to help that transition as the few gray hairs I have are even curlier than the rest of my hair. We shall see! I have a friend who is a few years older who is rocking her salt and pepper hair. 

[Junie]

10 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Also, I never understood the trend a few years ago of very young girls giving themselves grey highlights. Honey, it'll come! You don't need to pay a lot for it! 

I loved it.  My hair was trendy for the first.time.ever!

[PeterPan]

10 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I do NOT get it cut every time I get it colored.

Oh, that makes sense, thanks!

10 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I'd say even ahead of coloring though, you need to find a better stylist first and foremost. 

Well in her defense, I usually tell her to do whatever she wants. I think I don't have hair-prioception, because I don't know what I prefer or want. It grows fast, so it usually doesn't matter. I only get it cut to appear socially typical. Left to my own devices, I'd keep it all one length and LONG and then randomly cut it short and grow again. So reality is I like it longer than anyone thinks looks good on me. 

I did a little research this morning on how to care for it better. It has really been bugging me that most women, when I go places, have tamer hair or look more professional. I was in this rut where I was blowdrying it, which I guess sorta looks fine but blows out all my natural waves and vavoom. So then I don't really love it either. I need to find a fragrance free product. I had a gel years ago. I was reading this article https://www.self.com/story/how-to-air-dry-waves-curls-coils  that said I could put the product in while wet, let it dry wrapped in a towel (so me, haha), and then spray and go. Then it wouldn't look frizzy but would look intentional. I think I need to mess around with some options like that to bring out my waves. Just can't smell in the process, because the fragrance sets in and gives me headaches.

[gardenmom5]

when I first started going gray- and it was really mousy - I colored, did foils - then I did a tri-foil (professional) which blended the roots so they weren't obvious.  then I just stopped. My hair was long, and I always wore it up.  (It's long enough for a pony tail again.  I really do hate having short hair, it more work every day).

My hair isn't really gray, more like super pale platinum with some gray that is very hard to see.  darker underneath.  so I guess I've embraced it.

[PeterPan]

4 minutes ago, Junie said:

I loved it.  My hair was trendy for the first.time.ever!

I know, so seriously! If these movie stars are doing it, then we'll be so on trend, haha. But I also think it's working on them because they got more done. Like it's not just let go. They had toner applied, are using purple shampoos, etc. That's why I was thinking if I got that appointment with that high end dude, maybe I'd get some advice on getting there nicely, having it look intentional and not let go. I think I'd regret adding dark color right now, but I'm game for intentional.

Of course, I could just research and learn what in the world "toner" is. I doubt I have enough grey to need that yet, but who knows, lol.

[Lady Florida.]

10 hours ago, PeterPan said:

 

So what do you think? How did you decide and are you glad you did it that way? I guess just for fun I'll add a poll. 

I voted Other in the second part because I never made a plan either way. I just always figured I wait and decide once I started going gray. Which I did. 

I have mine colored. I've colored or had highlights on and off since I was in my 20s. I had lovely auburn hair as a child that turned to a mousy brown as I got older. I always tried to get that auburn back but never really could get it right, even when I had it professionally done.

Currently I get my gray colored and often have both highlights and lowlights added. The color is a bit lighter than my natural color because it's hides the gray better. The highlights help hide the gray hairs that resist color. The lowlights help it not look too blonde - my coloring isn't right for blonde hair. 

One of my pet peeves is women who criticize other women for coloring their gray. When a younger woman gives herself pink, blue, or purple hair, or even a natural color that's different from her own natural color she doesn't get the same level of criticism. In fact, she often gets compliments. Telling a woman she should want her hair to be gray is ageist imo. My feeling is color or don't color, whatever makes you happy. You do you. I'll do me. (not directed at anyone here, just a general rant)

 

8 hours ago, StellaM said:

Mine is white, not a lovely grey, and I color it because a. it makes me look old without it colored and b. I don't have lovely grey hair that looks all stylish and dignified. I have nasty hair that looks like an insane witch who has stuck her finger in the powerpoint. 

If I had the stylish kind, a lovely straight silver, I would not color my hair, because coloring my hair is expensive and a pain in the rear.

 

My maternal grandmother had beautiful silver-white hair. When my mom started getting gray she thought she'd have the same hair as her mother. Not so. Hers came in a yellow-gray and instantly aged her 10+ years. She tried to dye it back but...(see below)

4 hours ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

As PPS’ have mentioned, the texture of they grey is definitely a deal here too. Not to mention I have “resistant” grey which can make it a real PITA to color at home anymore. 

My mother had a resistant gray and when she tried to dye it back it never looked right. Even when she had it professionally done it wasn't the same. She was sorry she had gone gray and she's the main reason I'm holding off on letting mine go. I don't know what it will be like and don't want to take a chance on running into the same problem she had. Eventually I'll just get tired of having it colored it, but that time isn't here yet.

[PeterPan]

Here's a strong article. I didn't know most women start going grey in their 30s, so figure. And she points out the dichotomy, that men are praised for their grey hair and women are told to try to look younger and younger and deny it. https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/woman-reveals-why-she-went-grey-in-her-30s

[Arcadia]

10 hours ago, Pen said:

Wigs option?

 

Wigs would have worsen my scalp dermatitis. I just used caps and beanies when bald. 

My hair is predominantly black and it did not turn gray, it turn white. So I had an almost square patch of white on my right side starting from my forehead. I dyed that patch brownish black.  

My mom didn’t dye her hair as her white hair was scattered amongst the black, not patchy like mine. My mom’s hair is now a blend of gray and white.

My MIL dyed her hair jet black from when she has her first gray/white hair which leads my DS14 to say how come granny has blacker hair than me, and DS15 laughing his head off at that comment before telling his bewildered brother that hair dye was used. 

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, Lady Florida. said:

One of my pet peeves is women who criticize other women for coloring their gray.

And see I felt like I was getting the opposite, that I'm not doing the socially appropriate, expected thing if I DON'T color. And seriously, I saw ONE WOMAN with natural greying hair this Sunday. Nope, two, just remembered another. And that's in a congregation of around 200. That's a lot of hair dying, lol. 

2 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

My feeling is color or don't color, whatever makes you happy. You do you. I'll do me.

Bingo, totally agree.

3 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

Telling a woman she should want her hair to be gray is ageist imo.

Do you see that happening in our culture or with this Silver Sisters movement? I feel like I was getting a **you're defective, you're broken now that you have grey** message and that we better hurry up and HIDE. That's what I didn't like. How can I suddenly be broken and defective to be who I AM???

[PeterPan]

3 minutes ago, Arcadia said:

My hair is predominantly black and it did not turn gray, it turn white.

Yup, my hair is dark and then you get these streaks going through it like cobwebs.

I'm gonna let dd tell me what she thinks in a week, because she'll assuredly have an opinion. But I really like this idea of embracing it and maybe getting something done that keeps it looking good, rather than trying to hide it. That would be more me. 

[Lady Florida.]

3 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

And see I felt like I was getting the opposite, that I'm not doing the socially appropriate, expected thing if I DON'T color. And seriously, I saw ONE WOMAN with natural greying hair this Sunday. Nope, two, just remembered another. And that's in a congregation of around 200. That's a lot of hair dying, lol. 

Bingo, totally agree.

Do you see that happening in our culture or with this Silver Sisters movement? I feel like I was getting a **you're defective, you're broken now that you have grey** message and that we better hurry up and HIDE. That's what I didn't like. How can I suddenly be broken and defective to be who I AM???

While it might be a regional or your circle thing, overall I do see women criticizing women for not going gray. All of the why I went gray, you should let your hair go, embrace your gray type articles suggest that there's something wrong with you if you want to color it. I don't see articles telling young women if you're brunette don't go blonde, skip the purple hair, etc. It's only coloring gray that gets the stop doing that! treatment.

[PeterPan]

6 minutes ago, Lady Florida. said:

It's only coloring gray that gets the stop doing that! treatment.

Yeah, I haven't read far enough to see. I'm sure it's all out there, not doubting you. The article I linked actually says what you're saying, that women should do what they want. "Women in our society need to know that we can do exactly what we want, whether that's embracing our greys, covering our roots or dying our hair bright pink!"  https://www.glamourmagazine.co.uk/article/woman-reveals-why-she-went-grey-in-her-30s

And I think you might be onto something that it's regional. FL is so casual for dress, I suppose they have a culture/vibe for hair too. 

[Pen]

 

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I have really healthy, nice hair! In fact, I would even say some women have hair envy with my hair, when it's completely done. Like not that I'm glam or beautiful, but my hair is healthy and wavy.

 

Mmy aunt went bald due to medical reasons.  I got a wig in, I dunno, sympathetic association reasons? 

But now Ive been enjoying playing with wigs —I so far have a blonde one, a red one, and one similar to my own mixed auburn browns color but more showy and no gray  (inexpensive under $20 types — and as I haven’t had a professional haircut in around 30 years because I can’t tolerate chemicals in hair cut places, so do my best to cut my own hair, it’s nice to feel a bit neatly edged instead of ragged.)  Maybe I’ll look for a gray one if I get another. 

But, it is possible though that the weight or material is giving me scalp pain and I’ll need to lay off. 

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Ok, now it makes sense. So you're saying aging is you're now identifying visually with a wider, broader pool. So then they can't tell 50 vs. 60 vs. 70 vs 80. I think you're right in a sense. And you're right there's a lot they do (I'm being being discreet) to push back against that. And it has become our cultural norm, so much that women who do go grey and leave it really stand out. 

 

I have a fiancée in law who deliberately colors her hair all grey.  I think it looks elegant and makes her look a little older and wiser.  She is around 20 years younger than my brother, and it also makes them look less like an older guy with a young gal. 

 

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I'm SO going to have to go look in the mirror now! I've been saying I was going grey, but I'm almost positive they're WHITE. Just color gone, all the way to white. I don't know that the texture has changed, which I saw some people saying on youtube can happen. So no funky textures, just streaks of white, zoom zoom, through my hair. Like a skunk. Not patches, just filtering through.

 

 

Gosh , that along with great texture and some wave sounds beautiful!!!

I have mostly red brown hair, very thick, straight to wavy— but my gray hairs are much thinner and very frizzy.  I can get rid of the frizz with Argan oil, but lately I don’t want that bother. 

 

 

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YES, THIS!!!!!!!! This is my point. Not that I'm anti coloring, because I'm not. But if we're cool with ourselves, cool with who we've become, then why do we have to accept this new aging uniform of dyed hair? Why is NO ONE seemingly keeping it natural? I can understand some, but EVERYONE? It just seems like this whole cultural shift. And what does it do to us, to our culture to say don't look old, to ourselves to say don't accept being older? 

 

I think where I am in PNW a lot of women are keeping it natural. And I think for most it looks better than dyed. 

Quote

I think I get treated better with my grey hair. I get called Ma'am more and get really nice treatment honestly. And that's just in the last year or so that it has really started.

 

That’s cool!  I wanna get me a gray wig next time and see if I notice better treatment! 

 

[Lady Florida.]

5 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Yep. We have two circles here. We have the dye it, inject it, lift it, suction it, plump it etc. etc. group, and then the don't dye it, never inject, never lift, anti-make-up, natural hair, waxing is gross and the death of feminism set. I feel like I am in the middle of that Venn Diagram, except like Lady Florida, I don't judge. Or I try not to. (it's hardest for me when women who had thin lips the last time I saw them suddenly have lips the size of a hemorrhoid pillow, but I do try not to judge.) People should do what makes them confident and happy. 

 

I don't know anyone personally who had surgery or gets injections, not even those at higher income levels than the rest of us. My circle does have a pretty good mix of gray, color the gray, makeup, no makeup. Most of the women in my immediate circle color their hair but don't try to hide our age. We happily embrace our laugh lines, thinning lips, and old lady upper arms but hey, we're not going to have gray hair! 😂😂😂

[PeterPan]

1 minute ago, Pen said:

Gosh , that along with great texture and some wave sounds beautiful!!!

See, now why couldn't the stylist have said that?? Why did she have to say that I better hurry up and cover it, like it was unattractive and a defect?? She has NEVER been negative, and she'd probably back pedal and apologize if I brought it up and have more options. I think I need to work harder on having some hair preferences and expressing them. I'm probably giving her room for this rather than saying what I want and driving it. It's not like there's one right option and the others are WRONG. There could be multiple good paths and styles for my hair, and it's just what I want.

3 minutes ago, Pen said:

I think where I am in PNW a lot of women are keeping it natural. And I think for most it looks better than dyed. 

That makes sense! I hadn't thought about it. I think we're kind of in an upscale, edge of urban area. Definitely not hippy/go with the flow or whatever. We visited the Oregon coast once, and they even have their own sense of TIME there, lol. We called it Oregon time. 

5 minutes ago, Pen said:

That’s cool!  I wanna get me a gray wig next time and see if I notice better treatment! 

Well it does help that I was in with Texans. Wow are they polite. But it's other places too. Even teenage males are more polite these days. 

 

5 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

We have two circles here.

So I'll just ask outright. Is it a $$$ thing or is it culture? Both? But nuts, if it takes toners and $30 bottles of shampoo to keep grey looking stellar, not like that's a cheap option either, lol.

6 minutes ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

I can see being concerned if it's your daughter

And the irony is, I've been paying to have my dd's hair colored for years. Seriously, lol. So I'm not anti- whatever, haha. I really think I just have to say what I prefer and I was asking what is culturally expected in our circles (for hair cuts and hair care) and that's what she gave me. And if I prefer something else I have to say that and that's on me. I think I just need @Pen's wigs so I can try on a bunch of looks and have some preference, haha. Maybe a trip to the big city or an app to try them on virtually, hmmm...

[PeterPan]

Just now, Lady Florida. said:

old lady upper arms

I draw the line there, sorry. 

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, soror said:

I am 40 with just a few random grays. I'm not far enough along to know if I will change my mind I plan on letting it go natural. Dh prefers a more natural look and I don't want the work or expense of dying. I'm currently working on embracing my curl to help that transition as the few gray hairs I have are even curlier than the rest of my hair. We shall see! I have a friend who is a few years older who is rocking her salt and pepper hair. 

I think your attitude fits your quote in your sig. 

[Pen]

21 minutes ago, PeterPan said:

See, now why couldn't the stylist have said that?? Why did she have to say that I better hurry up and cover it, like it was unattractive and a defect??

 

Maybe a timing thing: hurry up if you don’t want so much gray that people notice you were very gray one day, then all dark the next?

Maybe she would have a profit motive? You’d have to go in for color touch up frequently?

 

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

@PeterPan- I can't find your quote so just replying sepearate. I do NOT get it cut every time I get it colored. My hair dresser is also my aesthetician and does all my waxing as well- those things are part the four week driver. During certain points of the year I can get by with 5-6 weeks on hair color, but since I don't want to go the extra time I typically do it every 4. Whatever works with her schedule and mine. Anyway, I only get it trimmed when it needs it. Or I get a wild hair to lop some of it off. The ends rarely need to be trimmed everytime. Mainly when I get too lazy and use the straight iron a lot instead of other styling. 

I'd say even ahead of coloring though, you need to find a better stylist first and foremost.  If she cannot consistently cut your hair how you like, there is no way I would trust her to color how you like. 

Yes to all of this.  Good grief, a stylist should be able to do what you asked at least almost every time.  
 

I also do not cut every time  I color. I pretty much stay on the four week schedule, coloring every time and cutting/trimming every other time.  I watch the calendar and sometimes stretch it out so it is done just before big events.

i started going grey in my 30s.....I  colored myself for a few years but my stylist convinced me it was damaging my hair.....she started coloring it for me....she only uses a semi perm product and I sit under a dryer for 45 min.  I quit using her about a year or so ago because she is in my home state and too far of a drive.....she gave new stylist the details and new stylist follows it exactly but let’s me know I am the only customer she does that way.  Shrug.  I read the other day that the permanent dark color is linked to some increase in cancer but the semi perm is not.  

I have very dark hair and 4 weeks after I get it colored there is a skunk line at my part so I imagine I am pretty grey.....I think mine is fairly white.  Not ready to stop coloring.....Dh wouldn’t want me to either.  I think I will eventually go natural. 
 

 

[Farrar]

2 hours ago, PeterPan said:

Yes, that's what happened! Just this assumption like grey is bad, don't do it, get it OUT. And it sorta rattled me, like I'm not doing a good job and being appropriate if I DON'T follow the herd. Since I've seldom (or never?) been one to follow, I probably won't now, lol.

And I'm with you. I had always said I'd dye my hair red if I were going grey, so it was kind of an affront to say the best option was to hold onto the past and wish for my hair of the past. Like it just didn't make sense to me spiritually. Be who you are and embrace where you are, not the PAST. 

 

Oh, I think she meant my weird color and not my gray, which is just beginning to fade. But I also don't think she has my aesthetic, which is basically f*** everyone. So there's that. Either way, RUDE.

[Mbelle]

I color and always assumed I would.  I have dark almost black hair.  I color and highlight and I plan to do it till I die! LOL  I may go lighter and white/silver, but never natural.  

I don't always wear makeup or blow dry my hair for the ho hum day to day homeschooling, but I will if I'm heading out.  I may do some type of injections or facials, but I will never do the lip plumping thing.  I find that super distracting.

[Lady Florida.]

34 minutes ago, Mbelle said:

but I will never do the lip plumping thing.  I find that super distracting.

Maybe it's an age thing but I don't even understand why that's considered attractive. I've always had pale, thin lips (thanks, Dad) and always looked better with a bit of lipstick. I always wished my lips were not so thin, and they seem to get thinner as I get older, but I never wanted lips that look like they got stung by an angry wasp. 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Lady Florida.

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, Pen said:

 

Maybe a timing thing: hurry up if you don’t want so much gray that people notice you were very gray one day, then all dark the next?

Maybe she would have a profit motive? You’d have to go in for color touch up frequently?

 

Ahhh... Yeah, I think she is both helpful and making money, haha. 

1 hour ago, Æthelthryth the Texan said:

Texas has some sort of DNA mutation maybe with all the oil and gas exposure that makes some of us want voluminous hair and wear make up in large quantities.  

 

[HS Mom in NC]

I don't think any fit options fit my situation. 

I've colored by hair various reds since high school.  Now, at 46, I've decided to transition to lower maintenance hair by not coloring anymore. (I'm getting more minimalist as I get older.)  There's grey in it, along with the brown, which is OK by me so far these last 2 months of not coloring.   We'll see how it goes longer term.  If I just don't like it, I'll go back to coloring it, but probably not red.  I'll probably match the brown and wait until later to see if the grey/white comes in more to my liking.

My mother and maternal grandmother colored their hair red well into their 70s, they got lighter and lighter shades or red, almost pink, which I didn't think looked as good as it would've if they had just gone all white and been done with it.  But they're the generations that wouldn't tell their actual ages and assumed no one could tell they were dying it. (Mom is 75.)  I never saw the big deal with telling my age or that I color my hair.  

For those choosing to color it themselves, I was very happy with ESalon's dye. It's high quality stuff compared to the stuff in the box at big box and grocery stores. They also ask questions about your skin color and eye color when you choose your color.  You can adjust the amounts of different colors in your dyes. Mine was brown and red tones together so my roots wouldn't contrast as starkly between coloring.

[Jentrovert]

4 hours ago, PeterPan said:

See that's the thing. Just the haircut here is $50 with tip. I think my dd pays closer to $100 when she gets everything done. She has really fine hair, so she gets highlights as a partial (I have no clue what I'm talking about, lol) to give it body. I don't want to pay $100 every 6 weeks, kwim? That's a lotta cruises, lol.

Yeah, I don't know what I'd do if it cost more here. I'm fortunate that it's not more expensive. Right now, it's an expense both I and dh are comfortable with. That may change later, though. If we needed to slash expenses, I'd go back to doing it myself.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Lady Florida. said:

Maybe it's an age thing but I don't even understand why that's considered attractive. I've always had pale, thin lips (thanks, Dad) and always looked better with a bit of lipstick. I always wished my lips were not so thin, and they seem to get thinner as I get older, but I never wanted lips that look like they got stung by an angry wasp. 

I think it has something to do with the porn industry. Seriously 

[Scarlett]

4 hours ago, Bambam said:

I'm in my mid 50s now - with quite a bit of white hair (40-45% maybe?) - mostly all bunch together in the front. 

I did have my hair professionally dyed once when I was much younger and might have had some white already, but as my hair was a dirty blonde/light brown, it just sorta overall lightened the color. I went with basically the same color just a little red.  Scared me every time I looked in the mirror. And you know, before too long, you could see that I had dyed it. 

My mom dyed her hair for years to hide the gray. It was very obvious, IMHO, after a while - the black didn't look natural, you know? So I decided I wasn't going to do that - besides she had to dye it regularly - lots of work + $$. 

I'm sure I would look younger if I dyed my hair. I'm still not interested. It is what it is. 

I did one time recently have my hair dresser put some colored (purple) wax coloring thing in it (she had it for kids, but I thought it looked like fun - you just wash it out!) one day. My daughters noticed. My dh did not. And boy that purple showed up very well on the white! 

I think this is a result of using permanent too dark color for too long.  My natural hair color is near black....but since I have a semi color put on which is it black....and she doesn’t run it to the ends every time ( maybe only every 6 months) I don’t have a harsh look to my color. It looks like my natural color.  I think,  I hope.   

[marbel]

3 hours ago, Lady Florida. said:

While it might be a regional or your circle thing, overall I do see women criticizing women for not going gray. All of the why I went gray, you should let your hair go, embrace your gray type articles suggest that there's something wrong with you if you want to color it. I don't see articles telling young women if you're brunette don't go blonde, skip the purple hair, etc. It's only coloring gray that gets the stop doing that! treatment.

Yeah, this really annoys me. When people see young women playing with hair color, it's all "oh how fun!" But when it's older women and grey hair, it's "who do they think they're kidding?"  Not trying to kid anyone, just prefer myself with light brown hair instead of ugly frizzy steely grey, thanks!

[Lady Florida.]

21 minutes ago, Scarlett said:

I think this is a result of using permanent too dark color for too long.  My natural hair color is near black....but since I have a semi color put on which is it black....and she doesn’t run it to the ends every time ( maybe only every 6 months) I don’t have a harsh look to my color. It looks like my natural color.  I think,  I hope.   

I wonder if that was my mother's problem and not necessarily resistant gray like she and I thought. Her natural color was very dark brown that looked almost black in certain lighting. After she went totally gray then changed her mind, she tried to go back to her natural color and it looked very harsh. It was the same color yet looked nothing like her original natural color.

[Lady Florida.]

23 minutes ago, marbel said:

Yeah, this really annoys me. When people see young women playing with hair color, it's all "oh how fun!" But when it's older women and grey hair, it's "who do they think they're kidding?"  Not trying to kid anyone, just prefer myself with light brown hair instead of ugly frizzy steely grey, thanks!

Exactly! 

[HSmomof2]

5 hours ago, Jann in TX said:

In my late 40's I started using semi-permanent to help blend in the scraggly greys that were coming in 'blotchy'.  By 50 I started getting partials done every 8 weeks.  It is expensive but my one 'vanity'.  My grey is not coming in evenly-- and mixed with my dark brown, looked very drab-- VERY VERY drab.  I looked tired all the time.  The partials give me a 'pick me up'.  I do keep some grey showing-- I've earned that!

I'm a bit over weight so my skin is 'young'... additionally, partials take about 5-10 years off-- it is amazing how many people think that my grandson is actually my own baby!

My sister has 'pretty grey' and is ultra thin-- she is 2 years older than me and looks more than 10 years older!  I do love her hair and will probably go that way in a few more years.  We both have children who are Srs in high school-- she looks like her son's grandmother... 

Once my youngest gets through a bit of college I'll transition over (I think!).

 

This is how mine is coming in too....it’s really uneven gray. The front/sides are pretty gray with almost none in the back. It’s not a flattering look at all. I’m hoping it will even out by my mid-50’s and become a pretty silvery gray....then I’ll stop coloring. I only have it colored about every 8 weeks and use root touch up in between.

[Scarlett]

1 hour ago, Lady Florida. said:

I wonder if that was my mother's problem and not necessarily resistant gray like she and I thought. Her natural color was very dark brown that looked almost black in certain lighting. After she went totally gray then changed her mind, she tried to go back to her natural color and it looked very harsh. It was the same color yet looked nothing like her original natural color.

 

1 hour ago, Scarlett said:

I think this is a result of using permanent too dark color for too long.  My natural hair color is near black....but since I have a semi color put on which is it black....and she doesn’t run it to the ends every time ( maybe only every 6 months) I don’t have a harsh look to my color. It looks like my natural color.  I think,  I hope.   

 

1 hour ago, Lady Florida. said:

I wonder if that was my mother's problem and not necessarily resistant gray like she and I thought. Her natural color was very dark brown that looked almost black in certain lighting. After she went totally gray then changed her mind, she tried to go back to her natural color and it looked very harsh. It was the same color yet looked nothing like her original natural color.

My post above should have read ‘since I put a semi perm on that is NOT black’.   Hopefully you figured out what I meant.  

[Amy in NH]

I have always had virgin hair - no color, no perm, etc, and always assumed I would let it go naturally grey.  But now that I'm approaching 50 and it's about 1/2 & 1/2, I don't like it.  I'm not ready to look "older".  I started using Rainbow Henna about 4 months ago, and I really like it.  The blonde henna mixes with the rest of my hair and looks like natural highlights.  I only have to redo it every 4-6 weeks when it washes out too much for my liking.  When I am ready, ie. when it's all grey and I'm 10 years older, I can just let it wash out and have all my hair be done without roots showing, excessive bleaching, etc.

 

Edited March 10, 2020 by Amy in NH

[PeterPan]

3 minutes ago, Amy in NH said:

I started using Rainbow Henna about 4 months ago, and I really like it.  The blonde henna mixes with the rest of my hair and looks like natural highlights.  I only have to redo it every 4-6 weeks when it washes out too much for my liking.  When I am ready, ie. when it's all grey and I'm 10 years older, I can just let it wash out and have all my hair be done without roots showing, excessive bleaching, etc.

Oh that's interesting! I'll have to look into it. 

[Amy in NH]

Rainbow Henna has a clear henna to smooth out grey hair, if you want to keep it grey but bring up the shine and smooth out the texture a bit.

[Lori D.]

All white/grey looks fabulous on a lot of women, and I imagine at some point I'll go that route too (and hopefully look fabulous, LOL).

But when it takes a slow 5-15 years for your hair to make that change, that grey sprinkled in just makes most of the women I see with that mix just look tired and old. I have NO interest in looking drab and washed out, especially because I don't FEEL like that, and would prefer to LOOK like how I FEEL! I voted to go with Redken's shades, which adheres best to the white/grey, and makes it look like natural highlights. The other "upside" is that it smooths out the weird kinky "cat lady" look that the grey hairs have. (I have very fine, straight hair, and the weird kink of the grey hairs makes it impossible to make my hair look even semi-decent).

 Another upside -- Shades very gently washing out over the weeks so that you don't end up with the very unattractive "skunk streak" down the part. The only downside is that it does need to be applied by a stylist (expensive!), and it does need to be reapplied about every 8-10 weeks (depending on your hair). That turns in to an "upside" for when you're ready to be done coloring, as it just naturally washes out/fades without any need for special treatment to go to the all-grey look.

But since that's about the only self-luxury I do (out of my choice), I don't have a problem investing in having a hair color that doesn't make be look old and haggard, or like a layer of ash has settled on my head. 😫

Edited March 10, 2020 by Lori D.

[Annie G]

Dh has been going gray since his 20’s and there have been too many times when people thought I was his daughter. Now that I”m going gray, I love that we finally match. And at 59(me) and 61 (dh), I’m trying to simplify things. So no hair color for me. Though I don’t judge others who prefer to color. 

[Storygirl]

8 hours ago, PeterPan said:

See, now why couldn't the stylist have said that?? Why did she have to say that I better hurry up and cover it, like it was unattractive and a defect?? She has NEVER been negative, and she'd probably back pedal and apologize if I brought it up and have more options. I think I need to work harder on having some hair preferences and expressing them. I'm probably giving her room for this rather than saying what I want and driving it. It's not like there's one right option and the others are WRONG. There could be multiple good paths and styles for my hair, and it's just what I want.

 

My thought is that giving hair advice is just part of her job. Like when you go to the movies, and they ask if you want a drink to go with your popcorn. Or when a salesperson offers to help you find what you need in the store. It can be upselling, where they want to generate more sales. Or it can just be an attempt offer customer service, offering you her opinion as the hair expert. I would not interpret it to mean that she thinks your hair is defective. Stylist color hair, so when they see hair that they thinks would be nice with color, they are likely to mention it.

So, I am super frugal when it comes to spending money on myself. I've colored my hair at home for twenty years and frequently get compliments on it. So it can be possible to do it inexpensively, if you are willing to try it on your own. I remember being very nervous about it that first time.

I spend about $7 (usually less, because I stock up when on sale), and it takes me less than an hour about every five weeks to color it at home.

Some people do have hair that is hard to color, or they have a hard time finding a boxed kit that looks good on them, so not everyone is happy with home coloring. But it can be done!

After 20 years, I'm tired of coloring my hair. I could grow it out nicely now, because my natural color blends unobtrusively with my dyed color (I am a currently lighter blonde, and my natural hair color is mostly white. It's really hard to see that my roots are different than the rest of my hair, when they show).

But I won't go white/gray yet, because I don't want people to mistake me for my children's grandmother. In five more years, all of my kids will be 20 or older, so I might do it then. I am very pale, though, and going white might wash me out. We shall see. My relatives on my dad's side all have hair that is a pretty white.

Edited March 11, 2020 by Storygirl

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm not into celebrity culture, so they don't influence me, but I've seen in passing media of Sharon Osbourne and Bette Middler with white hair.  I think they look lovely, and I know they can afford highly skilled labor to help them look as lovely as possible.  Hopefully this kind of thing will help society accept slat and peeper, silver,  and white hair on women as yet another attractive option.

[Stacia]

Kind-of late to the thread I think, but I'll add my 2 cents...

I always thought I wouldn't color my hair. I'm one of those people who likes to wash & comb my hair, then walk out the door. I had nice dark brown hair w/ great thickness & it was so easy to style. (I always paid for good cuts & wore it quite short for decades. It looked great w/ no fixing.) Once, in my 20s, the stylist suggested adding some color (darker mahogany/reds, I think). On a whim, I did. It was fine but I didn't especially care for it & it wasn't worth the expense & time for me. My mantra was to have low maintenance but great-looking hair.

I started growing my hair out more probably 5-7 years ago. I was surprised to discover that what had been straight hair was now quite wavy. Thanks, middle-age! (I guess?)  Some days I can look Albert Einstein-ish, lol. Couldn't (still can't?) quite figure out how to manage it at least some of the time. Mostly I don't worry about it. I like the less short (a length between a pixie & shoulder-length) look now on me.

I have some gray. It didn't bother me. (I was hoping for the cool look that my grandfather had which was white w/ a jet black streak in the middle, but no luck.) Last year (after a few very rough personal years & losing some of my hair because of stress), I decided to try a new stylist. On a whim while there, I had her add highlights (or lowlights or baylayage or whatever it's called -- I have no idea about this stuff!) to cover some of the grays in the front. She basically turned them blonde-ish & they're not really noticeable when growing out (imo). Plus, as she said, it's fashionable now when roots show so even if you notice it, it's not a big deal. I go about every 6-8 weeks for a haircut & she has done the highlights every other time. It has worked out great for me. Anyway, I didn't know what I would think w/ some blonder hair (since mine had once been fairly dark), but I love it. I do think it makes me look younger & less worn down too. (Definite pluses considering the last few years.)

Today I went purple. Lol. (It's basically over where the blonder parts are & as the color fades, it will fade back into the blonde-ish color, according to my stylist.) I am not used to it yet but I had wanted to try it & decided to go for it.

We will see what I decide next time.

[Ellie]

23 hours ago, PeterPan said:

but does it seem like NO ONE wants to go grey anymore? Like not that I *want* to, but I'm looking around and seemingly almost EVERYONE has colored it some how! Like I was looking at church, and seemingly *one woman* had her natural grey popping through. Everyone was colored in some way.

"Anymore"? Girl, how recent is "any more" to you? I've been seeing get-rid-of-the-grey ads since I was little (and by "since I was little" I mean in the 50s). 🙂

Of course, it's easy for me to say that I wouldn't color; my dark blonde hair has a few grey strands, such that it looks like I've just frosted it, and I like it. Perhaps if my hair were darker I would feel differently, but I have no plans to color my hair.

I also have to say that my younger dd, whose hair is dark blonde/light brunette has some gray, and she colors it, which makes me feel really weird...

[Elizabeth86]

Lol. I always swore I wouldn't be vain and I'd go gray gracefully.  My mom had pigmented hair for ages and in her 70's she still isn't very gray.  Here I am 33 a new white hair coming in n everyday.  Can I really do this.  Lol.  I want my hair back, but I'm to frugal to get my hair done and I won't do it myself.  Sigh.  

[StaceyinLA]

I colored mine for a while, but got sick of dealing with it, so I grew it out. I’m not completely gray, but I have plenty.

[Negin]

For the past several years I used henna (suggestions from these boards). I got tired of how my hair was starting to go red and I just got tired of it all overall.

I had always planned on going gray gracefully, but that wasn't happening. There was all this frizz and then the yellow tones. My grey hair will never look like spectacular like some women in magazines, etc. My hair gets extremely frizzy and the greys are even worse. I've also read that grey hair doesn't look nearly as good on overweight women like me. I think that it would just make me look more fat and frumpy than I already am. I don't know at what age I'll start transitioning to grey, but I'm not yet ready to do so.  I just started having my hair dyed and am delighted so far. I'm 52.

Edited March 15, 2020 by Negin

[matrips]

On 3/10/2020 at 12:55 AM, PeterPan said:

I'm not sure what I think of this. My hairdresser finally gave me the wow you should think about a partial to cover some of the grey that has been coming in. Something about taking off 5 years, lol. And the thing I hadn't caught onto is, not to put anyone on the spot here, but does it seem like NO ONE wants to go grey anymore? Like not that I *want* to, but I'm looking around and seemingly almost EVERYONE has colored it some how! Like I was looking at church, and seemingly *one woman* had her natural grey popping through. Everyone was colored in some way.

Hairdresser didn't seem to think that I'd go precipitously all white any time soon. I'm just kinda straggling in, but it seemed to speed up recently. Mid-40s. Naturally dark hair. I think it's lighter overall than it was and a little less thick. 

But I'm also very sensitive and not the person to just put anything on my skin. Even "natural" products give me rashes, and I think getting into that trap of coloring a lot would not make me feel good. But I also don't want to look BAD, kwim? 

So it seems to me I can either find a place that has some sort of natural dyes (I've heard this exists) and follow cultural trends OR go down a really natural path and just let it do what it's doing. And honestly, it doesn't bug me. It's not a ton, and it's almost kind of distinctive. She just thought I was young for it. But I've been watching Makeover Guy on youtube, and that seems to be the common refrain.

If you do permanent coloring, even as partials, then do you have to keep doing it? If you had dark and just let it go, were you glad or did you feel like 10 years later you needed some kind of radical makeover? Did you *think* you wanted to start one way and then changed to the other? Are you glad you did what you did? Oh, and fwiw, my mother is still not completely grey but more salt and peppery. I think maybe I'm going to be more grey than her. But no, I don't think she has ever colored. I could ask, but I don't think so.

So what do you think? How did you decide and are you glad you did it that way? I guess just for fun I'll add a poll. 

I never planned to color my hair.  Ever.  My mom never did and it always looked really nice.  And I hated the thought of chemicals in my head.  However, she was a redhead and I am a brunette.   The colors looked nice on her.  It was really really noticeable on me, and not in a nice way.  However, I still held out.  

I started having white/grey grow in when I was in my forties, with toddler children.  I saw another mom who embraced the grey at church one day and she had little kids with her. To me, in my opinion, she looked like a grandmother because of the hair (she wasn’t; she was likely my age)..  It just made her look so old.  Sorry!!!  I’m not meaning to offend, but trying to answer PeterPans question. I didn’t want to look old.  I had young children. I felt young. I wanted my look to match the way I felt.  

If I was 70 or 80 before turning grey, then maybe I would’t have cared.  I am now in my fifties with teenagers and still coloring.

i did start with Clairol Naturals that washed out in 6 weeks.  Did that for several years.  Now I just use permanent.  But unfortunately my hair grows fast and the white reappears quickly.

i am glad I color it.  I just wish I didn’t have grey hair without it.