Curious - middle schoolers and housekeeping

[SKL]

Just wondering what is the range of reality here.

How does your middle school kid's room usually look, and to what extent do they get help vs. maintaining it themselves?

Do they pick up after themselves in the bathroom, kitchen, living areas?

If your kids help maintain, is it because they are assigned chores, or because they like neatness / feel like that's how considerate people behave?

[fairfarmhand]

Mines a total Slob. Her room is messy most of the time. Once a day I usually make her pick up her clothes and straighten up. She leaves a trail through the house of her items. Out of my 4 I only have one kid whose naturally neat and tidy.

[cjzimmer1]

None of mine have ever been of the type to notice messes, clean up after themselves etc.  Yes I make them help but I have to point out what needs to be done, assign it out to someone and then follow up multiple times to make sure it gets done.  Things like putting your dishes in the sink or throwing away a wrapper almost never happen without a reminder.  So while they "should" be capable of noticing/maintaining, in reality that skill has been beyond all of them at that age.

[gardenmom5]

it is related to executive function/brain.  growing up there was a significant difference between myself and my sister in how our rooms were.  of my adult children - there is significant difference in how their homes/rooms are.    what's interesting is the messy ones . . were also all over with their covers when they sleep.  the tidy ones. . . were neat and tidy in their sleeping positions and covers.

[Storygirl]

My kids are supposed to make their beds, put their dirty clothes in their hamper, wipe the counters in the bathrooms, run the vacuum in their rooms once a week, and do their laundry on an assigned day of the week.

They would do none of it if DH and I did not remind them. And on some of it, they need supervision, because if not watched, they will do a haphazard job. And they complain about all of it and often have a surly and/or disrespectful attitude.

Once or twice a week, they will surprisingly make a bed without being reminded, but mostly getting them to do their chores is a chore for me (and DH, who helps manage the chores).

They also have some things they are required to do in the rest of the house (clearing their dishes after meals, cleaning up their things in the basement, etc.).

And generally, they are slobs and will leave their backpacks in the middle of the floor, their shoes scattered everywhere, their coats tumbled in a heap instead of hanging on the hook, their lunch boxes tossed on the kitchen floor in a corner instead of being cleaned out.

DD17 is neater, but she always has been, so I'm not sure it's the age as much as personality for her. But she is messy in her own ways and also needs reminders and chore schedules.

 

[SKL]

3 minutes ago, gardenmom5 said:

it is related to executive function/brain.  growing up there was a significant difference between myself and my sister in how our rooms were.  of my adult children - there is significant difference in how their homes/rooms are.    what's interesting is the messy ones . . were also all over with their covers when they sleep.  the tidy ones. . . were neat and tidy in their sleeping positions and covers.

Interesting - the same is true of me and my sister!

[MysteryJen]

All of them have been messy. Clothes and shoes are strewn about, unmade beds, stacks of books or athletic gear everywhere. They seem to gradually get better and usually by 20, they are big fans of neatness in their personal space.

But, I will say that that the two at home right now will clean their rooms unprompted about once a semester.

The only thing I require is dishes brought out of their rooms daily.

[Arcadia]

DS13 bedside area is neat because he treats it like a display case. So his watch, phone, glasses, iPad, ereader are nicely placed.

DS14 is less neat. If I need him to make it more presentable, he could do it. He prefers his way of stacking stuff instead of not stacking them.

Mine would pick up after themselves in the bathroom and kitchen. Living room is a mess as that’s their work area and DS14 is a night owl while DS13 is a rooster. They would tidy up if asked.

 

[HomeAgain]

Oldest was a slob.  It was only due to house standards that his room was picked up daily, vacuumed weekly, and changed his sheets weekly.  Same with his bathroom.  He thanked us for making him do chores and getting him in the habit when he had to share a dorm. 😄

Youngest...it remains to be seen.  But more often than not the only issue his room has is the bed.  He piles tons of books at bedtime and then looks shocked when we ask him to put them away. He's always liked order, though.

[SKL]

My eldest has her own sense of order.  Some might call it a method to her madness, LOL.  She is particular about organizing her stuff, but that does not extend to dirty clothes, old school papers, candy wrappers, ....  Occasionally she does straighten up those things too, but there are still some things she doesn't seem to notice.  She has no apparent inclination to pick up after herself in common areas, other than to keep track of her own stuff.  And it takes nagging to get her to clean up.

Youngest is a much more messy person - she has expressed that she's more comfortable with things in disarray than order.  She was recently amazed to discover she actually has the ability to clean up her room, LOL.  "Clean" meaning you can find the floor and some parts of other surfaces - only because the closet is now stuffed with junk.  😛  Like my other kid, she does not appear to notice that she leaves a trail of mess behind her.  And in her case, it is a lot of mess because she's a "more is more" person.  But on the bright side, she is more pleasant about picking up when asked - assuming (a) it's a small request / not overwhelming and (b) she doesn't forget the request along the way.

 

[moonflower]

DD13 shares a room with her 7 year old sister; it is generally messy.  DD13 is pretty organized; maybe 70% of the mess is the 7yo's, but DD13 was messy at 7 too.

Currently she and DS10 split the dishes, the mopping, and the sweeping.  

[Farrar]

Both my boys' rooms look like they could be pictured in an image depicting "stereotypical teen male messy room." It's reeeeeeaaaaallly bad.

In their defense, they clean up around the rest of the house and chip in when I ask. And when they do decide to clean, one of them is not bad at it. The other one is challenged. I figure they'll grow out of it. It's their space. I require no food or dishes and I rampage through and make them change the sheets and gather the laundry periodically or send them in with trash bags and orders to clean it out.

ETA: Oh, you asked about picking up after themselves in common areas... yeah, they're not terrible at it. They still need reminders but they can be good about it without them sometimes too. We do not have assigned chores or punishments for not cleaning up or anything. I firmly believe in the chip in school of housekeeping and kids.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Farrar

[Frances]

My son’s room was his own to maintain as he liked. Sometimes it was an absolute scary mess, and other times it looked great. But by middle school, he was regularly cleaning the kitchen and only bathroom, doing lots of cooking, and picking up his stuff throughout the house. By high school he was doing his own laundry, as he liked products/scents that I didn’t.

Because he tends to have a hard time letting go of stuff and I’m the opposite, we did do occasional purges of his room together.

[Sneezyone]

3 hours ago, SKL said:

Just wondering what is the range of reality here.

How does your middle school kid's room usually look, and to what extent do they get help vs. maintaining it themselves?

Do they pick up after themselves in the bathroom, kitchen, living areas?

If your kids help maintain, is it because they are assigned chores, or because they like neatness / feel like that's how considerate people behave?

 

My younger's room is always immaculate. It's taken until this year for me to be able to  go in my oldest's room without being bowled over by funk (although it always looked tidy) and that's because my younger has started taking her laundry to round out his loads. LOL. They are each responsible for vacuuming, taking out the trash, and keeping their shared bathroom clean (counters, toilet, and tub/shower). Also, yes, they pick up after themselves in the family room and living room (they also vacuum those) but I usually have to ask.

Edited February 2, 2019 by Sneezyone

[Carrie12345]

My 11yo is... getting there. But he does share a room with the 8yo, so he gets frustrated when it’s time to pick up and he feels none of the mess is his. Sometimes this is accurate, but there are often a few of his things scattered around that he’s overlooked.
He does keep WAY too much stuff up on his top bunk, but I can’t see it, so I don’t really care.

He doesn’t have the finest motor skills or spatial awareness, so his general cleaning leaves a bit to be desired, but we’re working on it.  I help him out on his weekly kitchen clean up night. He walks the dog, helps with garbage duty, and assists with outdoor chores.

[SanDiegoMom]

When my oldest with EF issues was in middle school her room was a disaster.  We are talking smelly clothes, wet towels, food under the bed... We had so many other issues and conflicts I just had to let it go.  It was bad throughout high school and now in a triple dorm room she is the neatest one -- she realizes she can't think very well when her only living space is messy.  

My now middle schoolers -- one is clean because he owns next to nothing. But he does remember to bring food plates out of his room. His twin's room is messy and she forgets her plates and cups sometimes.  But is never upset when I give her reminders and she asks me occasionally to help her clean her room -- as in throw away all the stuff that she hangs on to that contribute to the massive clutter.  We're talking tiny boxes, tons of old clay figurines, dioramas she made three years ago... She doesn't know how to let things go. 

[katilac]

I think there's a huge range and a lot of variables. One of mine was very neat through middle school and then very much had the teen stereotype going with the sleeping, messy room, etc. 

I mostly let their rooms be messy, common areas they had to clean. If they forgot candy wrappers or damp towels around, the price they paid was that mom was in their room and going through their stuff, that I was not okay with. 

Your kids have a lot of ECs, and I think that can make it harder also (particularly on the naturally messy kids, who don't have the inclination to clean and sort). 

[alisoncooks]

My 7th grader's room is a disaster zone. She really only cleans it when I insist (and I don't often cause I do try and give her space. And b/c a messy room isn't the end of the world). 

My kids don't have assigned chores. I ask for help or tidying cooperation, but otherwise...meh. They keep the bathroom they use fairly tidy. They do tend to strew their stuff throughout the house. 

[forty-two]

We have a daily clean-up time, where we pick up the living room, dining room, and bedrooms (and sweep the living areas).  So the kids are required to pick up their rooms each day, which keeps them tolerable.  Every so often I go through and help them do a deeper cleaning, and occasionally I do a spot check and require them to get the stuff in the corners that gets missed.  Of my kids, the middle occasionally cleans and organizes on her own; my oldest is largely oblivious and only cares because I do; my youngest is a surprisingly enthusiastic helper during deep cleaning, but left to his own devices tends to throw things in the nearest container with little thought as to whether that's where it goes.

[solascriptura]

I've noticed patterns in neatness with all of my children.  Some are naturally neater than others.  We live a relatively minimalistic lifestyle so that helps tremendously.  Also, our rooms are only for sleeping so messes don't happen in the bedrooms.    

[Momto6inIN]

Both DS's are stereotypical teen boy rooms - a disaster area. DD's is very organized and neat. All 3 have been great about helping clean up the rest of the house, but need to be asked first. It would never occur to any of them in a bazillion years to do it on their own! Lol

[homemommy83]

My older 3 children are 10- 15 and they do a basic clean up of their rooms when they get up in the morning.  All of my kiddos make their own beds first thing in the morning.

We have a smaller home (900sq.ft) so it is really necessary to clean up first thing.  We also do a right after lunch before quiettime more detailed cleanup.

I sweep the living room and kitchen after breakfast and start the 1st of 2 loads of laundry. They clean up their own breakfast mess and the dishes sit in the sink until my husband does them in the morning-no helps me a lot.

During quiettime my 13 yo sweeps2 and mops the entire house so we have a peaceful evening.  I have also began doing an extra cleaning job after that each day...it helps me get to things I tend to forget.  My 15 yo does lunch dishes and a basic kitchen cleanup.  My 10 year old straightens the kitchen table after breakfast and does a bathroom pickup-usually taking my 13 dds clothing and toddlers clothing to the basket it goes in and wipes the sink.   My soon to be 8dd straightens the toddler room which only takes a minute as we don't keep clothing or toys there-she is usually finding scraps of paper and toys that have strayed when they picked up originally and she helps my soon to be 5 yo make his bed.  I require even my toddlers to pick up the first set of toys before I give them another and this has really helped keep the house tidier.  With a houseful of littles meals can explode- so I am working on teaching them to eat cleaner and I help my toddler help pick up anything he drops on the floor-he has purposefully quit tossing food since😉.  

I give them each a small allowance weekly 5-10, 15 if they do extra things...it really helps motivate them to do their specific chore quickly, completely, and without reminding as I pay half if I remind😉 and none at all if not completed.  This sounds stricter than it is in reality...it is just routine...and it helps immensely.

Brenda

[mom2scouts]

My middle school girl leaves a trail everywhere she goes. Most of the time her room is a mess. If I tell her she can't do other things until her room or mess is cleaned up, she's perfectly capable of doing a good job.

[Sneezyone]

1 hour ago, mom2scouts said:

My middle school girl leaves a trail everywhere she goes. Most of the time her room is a mess. If I tell her she can't do other things until her room or mess is cleaned up, she's perfectly capable of doing a good job.

 

This sounds familiar. Since we moved into our new place and I decorated her room (and it doesn’t hurt that her bathroom is no longer her own) she’s doing sooooo much better.

[katilac]

On 2/2/2019 at 3:18 PM, solascriptura said:

 Also, our rooms are only for sleeping so messes don't happen in the bedrooms.    

 

I'm always curious about this - do you have any extra rooms in your house beyond bedrooms, kitchen, living room? Or do those rooms all have doors? We are open floor plan, so if people are watching tv, playing games, etc, in the living room then the bedroom is the only other choice. Sometimes multiple activities are compatible and sometimes not. Sometimes I love my open floor plan and sometimes I don't, lol. 

[HS Mom in NC]

My kids spend ages 4-5 doing household chores alongside me.  At age 6 they do the household chores themselves, for real, up to standards.  (I grew up on a farm.  I have no tolerance for whining about chores or idle children.) At 10 they do their own laundry.  In their teens they do some meal planning, grocery shopping, and cooking. 3 kids + mom=4 chores lists that rotate monthly. Work first, then play.  After school is chore time.  There are daily listed chores plus 1-2 weekly chores scheduled on weekdays. 

Only 1 of my kids ever cleaned up because she likes things tidy. I don't wait for my kids to want to do chores or have internal motivation. They're expected to do chores because they live here.

My older two tend to keep tidy homes.

[Ausmumof3]

Middle school is grade 5 and up right?

My 9 year old is great at cleaning up her floor on request.  Just don’t open the cupboard door or look under the bed!  And in between cleanups it’s just drop it where it falls.

If you ask Mr 12 to clean he starts pulling everything out and then gets totally overwhelmed.  However he has been better the last year about keeping things clean and is now able to get his room quite presentable.

they do all need help doing a full go through and declutter every so often though.