help me think this through...looking at houses

[caedmyn]

We've been looking to buy a bigger house.  Our current house is just under 2000 sq feet, 5 bedrooms, 2 baths, on a 1/2 acre lot outside town.  We have six kids, ages 3 months to 12 years, 5 of them boys.  It has lots of room to run outdoors but not much living space with only a living room. 

We looked at a house in town today that DH really wants to buy.  It's 3000 sq. feet, 4 bedrooms, 3 baths, on a 1/3 acre lot.  I have mixed feelings about it.  I don't love the layout--I don't hate it, but I don't love it.  The master and one bedroom are on the main level and the other two are in the finished basement.  I'd prefer to have 3 bedrooms together. The main level has a separate living room, big eat-in kitchen space, and a formal dining area.  Basement has 2 bedrooms, a big family room, big bonus room with lots of closets and a small half-walled-off space with a built-in desk and built-in bookshelves.  We would likely add a 3rd bedroom down there at some point.  The yard is great--we wouldn't miss our current yard at all.  This is the largest lot I've seen on a house in town.  It has a garden space which makes DH happy, a small greenhouse, and a large shed for storage. The other houses that we've looked at were more like 1/5 of an acre and not usually laid out to have a big backyard.  This house is super nice--high end tile through main level and in the bathrooms, all marble countertops and vanity tops, high-end cabinets in the kitchen, some decorative stained-glass windows (pretty new, not ancient ones, mostly attractive-looking).  It sort of feels...over the top fancy to me.  I didn't grow up in a particularly nice home and the houses we've lived in since we were married were in good condition, nice paint, nice carpet,a couple were new or nearly new homes, but nothing super nice like this one.  I've never desired a house with tile or marble countertops (and all the broken dishes that will go with them).  This house also has a lot of wallpaper and high-end wood paneling.  I'm not a fan of either.  DH says he'd pull off the wallpaper over time.  I would definitely want some of the wood paneling removed also...not sure how keen he'd be on that.

We looked at another house in the same area which was a little bigger but on a smaller lot, a little more expensive, and I loved the layout of it, so I'm comparing the house DH likes to it.  It had 3 bedrooms upstairs, a sunken living room, formal dining room I could use for a playroom, big eat-in area in the kitchen, and an office/library/lego room on the main floor, plus a mostly unfinished basement with 2 bedrooms.  It would have been easy for everyone to have their own spaces to play on the main level but close enough that I could easily keep an eye on them.  But it's not nearly as nice of a house, and the location isn't as good--no sidewalks for riding bikes or skateboards and the driveway probably slants too much for riding them there, plus a busier street so kids might not be playing in the front yard.

I feel like in some ways I'd be settling for the house DH likes because I don't love the layout or the wood paneling.  If I hadn't seen that other house first I'd probably be happier with this one.  But it is in a great location with a great yard...we've already looked at everything available that fit our search critieria...I don't know what to do.

[Carol in Cal.]

Both of them sound amazing to me.

I think that another thing you might want to consider is aging in place.  The first one sounds better for that since there is no sunken anything and you have a master bedroom on the main level.

[livetoread]

Marble countertops? Six young kids? Hopefully stains and etching in the marble won’t bother you if you decide on that house.

[caedmyn]

3 minutes ago, livetoread said:

Marble countertops? Six young kids? Hopefully stains and etching in the marble won’t bother you if you decide on that house.

Yeah...it would bother me.  Almost every house we looked at in this price range had either marble countertops or tile floors, or both, so there's a good chance we'd end up with them no matter what house we choose.

[QueenCat]

We've had marble countertops and didn't have a bunch of breakage from them. I'd be most concerned with the busy street and being able to ride bikes. 

[BusyMom5]

I would consider the outside just as important as the layout.   I have 6 kids and try to send them outside to play as much as possible!  Your Boys need space to rub, jump, play, ride bikes, and build stuff.  

I get not wanting tIle floors in the kitchen,  I don't either.   I chose laminate, but it wouldn't be a deal breaker.   I would plan to take down wallpaper, and paint the panneling.  You can do a lot to lighten it up!  The sunken LR would probably be a big no for me, so your DH pick sounds like my choice.

 

Good luck 

 

[gardenmom5]

I'd go for location.   ease of getting to work, shopping, etc.   good neighborhood.  (safer streets).

paneling, wallpaper, carpet -etc.  can all be changed.  location can never be changed.

[KathyBC]

With a great location and a great yard, you're left with potentially problematic layout and upgrades you don't love. I wonder if specifically you could resell the marble countertop and put in something that suits you better.
A good piece of advice I read said to build or renovate for the family you will have in 5 years... and I suppose that might apply to purchasing too. How will the layout suit your family then? I guess that depends on how often your family moves, though.

[Ottakee]

As kids get older the ability to walk/bike places becomes more and more important.

[Bluegoat]

I think you can probably make the aesthetics with the paneling and stuff work.  You can always paint it if you don't want to rip it off, that can look really nice.

I can see why you'd prefer the layout of the second place, but I do wonder if the layout of the first might be nice as your kids get a bit older.

In any case, I think I'd look at location as the defining factor.  I know you mentioned sidewalks and such, but also how easy it is to get to shops and activities and stuff, and public transport, if that's a factor.  

[Sneezyone]

3 hours ago, Carol in Cal. said:

Both of them sound amazing to me.

I think that another thing you might want to consider is aging in place.  The first one sounds better for that since there is no sunken anything and you have a master bedroom on the main level.

 

This is my perspective---As your kids get older, are you really going to want all of their noise and clutter on the same level as you or, heaven forbid, ABOVE you? I can see the benefits to the home you prefer with littles, and if you plan to have more that makes even more sense, but as they get older? That basement room/bonus space sounds ideal. 

ETA: Having recently shopped for something similar with older kids...sidewalks, proximity to parks and other kids, and amenities (STARBUCKS!) were high on my list. If you need or want to consider resale value, those things are important.

Edited November 4, 2018 by Sneezyone

[caedmyn]

We put in an offer so we'll see what happens.  I won't be broken-hearted if we don't get it.  I hope I don't regret it if we buy it.  I'm not sure why I feel so ambivalent about it.  I think I wanted a house I love and I don't love this one but hopefully it will grow on me.  DH doesn't want to buy the other one in any case so if this one doesn't work out we'll have to wait for something else to come on the market.

[caedmyn]

Apparently the counters are granite and not marble.  

[Melissa in Australia]

regarding wood paneling- it wears way better than plasterboard. It doesn't show grubby fingermarks etc. doesn't get dented, or need repainting every couple of years or anything like that.  In fact the more I have little kids around the more I am falling in love with my wood paneling.

[Chris in VA]

Thoughts--

Left field--I remember my husband buying his second car. We were engaged. It was an Oldsmobile (very used, but an Olds). It didn't "suit" him, in my mind. He came from a poorer backround than I did--my dad drove the company car and it was always an Olds or at least very nice. I had to really look at why it made me feel uncomfortable. So, in your case, is there part of you that feels (deep down) you don't deserve the nice stuff in your potential house? It's not "you?" Could that be an unconscious source of your discomfort? How we perceive ourselves is an interesting study.  

Teenagers--A bedroom right beside yours could be a good place for a teen who needs a little extra supervision. 

School room--Are you a schoolroom girl? Where would you put it in this house, if so?

The space in and out sounds amazing. Good luck. 

Oh--and of course, when given two choices that don't seem just right, I often seek the 3rd alternative. It's a "thing" in our family and goes far to resolving conflicts of opinion when choosing stuff. 

[Liz CA]

I am convinced that my top three criteria will never be found in one and the same house in my area. Good location, funky layout, great layout, tiny yard, etc.

I suppose deciding what your top criteria are and which one you can live without may (or may not) help. The whole buying process is frustrating to me. Some people enjoy the process but not me, too many decisions, time pressure, the pros and cons, the endless back and forth and then you have to hand over money too ?☺️.

[caedmyn]

6 hours ago, Chris in VA said:

Thoughts--

Left field--I remember my husband buying his second car. We were engaged. It was an Oldsmobile (very used, but an Olds). It didn't "suit" him, in my mind. He came from a poorer backround than I did--my dad drove the company car and it was always an Olds or at least very nice. I had to really look at why it made me feel uncomfortable. So, in your case, is there part of you that feels (deep down) you don't deserve the nice stuff in your potential house? It's not "you?" Could that be an unconscious source of your discomfort? How we perceive ourselves is an interesting study.  

Teenagers--A bedroom right beside yours could be a good place for a teen who needs a little extra supervision. 

School room--Are you a schoolroom girl? Where would you put it in this house, if so?

The space in and out sounds amazing. Good luck. 

Oh--and of course, when given two choices that don't seem just right, I often seek the 3rd alternative. It's a "thing" in our family and goes far to resolving conflicts of opinion when choosing stuff. 

I think I just don't have a desire for a granite, tile, etc.  I'm practical and often overwhelmed and while I like things to look nice, I will pretty much always choose simplicity and comfort over "looks nice but more hassle" (I have never once worn high heels.  I don't wear makeup.  I have never had a hairstyle that required more than about 8 minutes of styling.)  Also, the house makes me think of DH's parents' houses, which are very elegant and upstyle and nice, but not at all what I would choose.  And I like to be happy with the way something looks (though whether it's in style means nothing to me), and there's a lot of "looks" about this house I'm not thrilled with that aren't really changeable or aren't easily changed.  The wallpaper, partial wood paneling in every bedroom and throughout the basement, dark countertops, a dark backsplash in the kitchen (super nice, but I'd never choose it...it's like small dark polished stones so not changeable without ripping out and redoing).  DH was quite frustrated with me when we were searching for our current minivan as I wouldn't consider anything with a tan interior because I don't like tan and it would always bother me.

 

We haven't had a schoolroom because of no space for one.  Not sure if one is really practical because of our combination of noisy and active littles and very easily distracted kids.  The bonus room would be ideal for one though.  The main area could be a playroom plus have a desk, maybe even one built into one of the many closets, and the area with a half wall and built in desk would hold most of our books on the built in shelves and the two less-distractible kids could work there.

[Selkie]

Why not buy a piece of land and build a house exactly like you want it? I’d much rather do that than try to remodel a house you don’t really like.

[Aura]

 

7 hours ago, Liz CA said:

I am convinced that my top three criteria will never be found in one and the same house in my area. Good location, funky layout, great layout, tiny yard, etc.

I suppose deciding what your top criteria are and which one you can live without may (or may not) help. The whole buying process is frustrating to me. Some people enjoy the process but not me, too many decisions, time pressure, the pros and cons, the endless back and forth and then you have to hand over money too ?☺️.

 

We're house hunting, too. We're renting right now, and everyone is stumbling over each other while we're trying to find a larger place that will suit us in the area that we want. I am soooo ready to get a new place! I made a list, and I'm trying my best to stick with it, cause it's what I really want....but yeesh. I'm frustrated, too.

34 minutes ago, caedmyn said:

I think I just don't have a desire for a granite, tile, etc.  I'm practical and often overwhelmed and while I like things to look nice, I will pretty much always choose simplicity and comfort over "looks nice but more hassle" (I have never once worn high heels.  I don't wear makeup.  I have never had a hairstyle that required more than about 8 minutes of styling.)  Also, the house makes me think of DH's parents' houses, which are very elegant and upstyle and nice, but not at all what I would choose.  And I like to be happy with the way something looks (though whether it's in style means nothing to me), and there's a lot of "looks" about this house I'm not thrilled with that aren't really changeable or aren't easily changed.  The wallpaper, partial wood paneling in every bedroom and throughout the basement, dark countertops, a dark backsplash in the kitchen (super nice, but I'd never choose it...it's like small dark polished stones so not changeable without ripping out and redoing).  DH was quite frustrated with me when we were searching for our current minivan as I wouldn't consider anything with a tan interior because I don't like tan and it would always bother me.

 

We haven't had a schoolroom because of no space for one.  Not sure if one is really practical because of our combination of noisy and active littles and very easily distracted kids.  The bonus room would be ideal for one though.  The main area could be a playroom plus have a desk, maybe even one built into one of the many closets, and the area with a half wall and built in desk would hold most of our books on the built in shelves and the two less-distractible kids could work there.

5

I'm right there with you. But I cannot imagine anything more practical than granite counters, tile, and solid wood. I have six kids. The oldest is now 21. The youngest is 8. There are few things that stand up to the wear they give than solid stone, tile and wood.

Regarding countertops, I told dh that I wanted granite or solid surface counters (our last house had Corian....it was awesome! our current house has granite...it's awesome!). If we find a place with laminate, plan on replacing it. I've lived with laminate. It would chip and stain. It couldn't handle the CONSTANT use that it gets from a large family being home all day. I just don't want to deal with that again. Granite and Corian counters look nice, but they are also super easy to clean and super durable.

When we redid the kids' bathroom before selling our last house, I made sure to put tileboard on the wall, sunk hooks in solid wood for holding towels. If I could've afforded actual tile, we'd have done that. Paint doesn't scrub like tile. Even tileboard is better than paint. Hooks set in studs are the way to go with kids...anything else eventually rips a huge hole in the wall. It took longer to sell our place than we planned, so I ended up living with that bathroom for a while....and wishing the whole time we'd taken the time and money to fix that bathroom sooner!

We put beadboard in another bathroom and the breakfast nook. It's soooo much easier to keep clean than the painted walls! And it doesn't get the dents and holes that the drywall does.

Our current rental has tile floor in the kitchen. I thought I'd hate it, but we aren't planning on being here forever, so I could deal temporarily. I've discovered that I LOVE the tile floor. It takes anything! Dogs, kids, dishes, food, grease, dirt, water spills....you name it, that floor can handle it! Yeah, it's hard, and dishes will break...but I have to say that as lovely as it looks, it really rocks the durability!

As far as the wood panelling, you can paint it. You can also drywall right over it. We looked at a really old house from the turn of the 19th century house that had old wood paneling/shiplap in every single room. We were so close to getting that house! But we lost it at the last minute. ? However, as much as I hate painting over real wood like that, it was just too much in that house. I was planning on doing a whitewash on some of it, and covering some with drywall. I wanted the wood to be something that was an accent, not the entire house. And I needed the house to be brighter. The wood was too darkening. You could totally do something like that, too. 

So just trying to give you a little encouragement. ? Some things (like the counters and backsplash and tile) might not be the best colors, but they may be more practical than you think. Spend a little time on Pinterest and see if you can get some ideas to really make look like something you like.

[cjzimmer1]

I'll be honest, your DH's choice sounds so much better than your choice.  You mentioned not liking the room arrangement of DH's choice because you want 3 bedrooms together. Since the kitchen is big enough to be an eat in kitchen.  Could you turn either the formal dining room or the living room into a 3rd bedroom?  Then you'd have 3 on that floor.

Agree with others that wall paper can be removed.  If the kitchen is to dark, could you paint the cabinets a light color.  I would think that would be less work and $ than replacing the counter top and the backsplash but might just lighten the space enough that the darkness of those areas is toned down.  

[KathyBC]

Replacing our backsplash was one of the cheapest and most effective renos we did.

[EmseB]

Granite is the most amazingly practical countertop we've ever had. You can set hot stuff on it, spill on it, etc and it looks nice with just wiping down.

Painted wood panelling (white-ish or cream color) can make a room look really nice.

[Kim in Appalachia]

Location.  I would go with the nicer home in the better location, even if I didn't love the layout.  You will have to resell one day, and a good location is one of the most important factors.  

[Catwoman]

I would pass on both houses and wait for a better option to go on the market.

[moonflower]

Granite and tile are the kind of high-end finishes that make life (generally) easier.  Things like chandeliers and super plush carpet and too many cabinets (for me) or too many stairs make life harder.

[Bluegoat]

I likely wouldn't like granite and dark tile in a kitchen either  - especially with stainless appliances.  I just find that look really cold and also too dark in most cases, and I just don't like polished granite in general.  And I hate redoing anything that is in good condition because of the waste.  IN fact, I also don't like a lot of the high-end finish middle class types of houses - I'm not sure why, but I prefer either simpler, or something just altogether different.

I think though that is the kind of thing that you can work with.   

[LucyStoner]

I would keep looking.  It doesn't sound like there is an especially urgent need to move and this spring there will probably be more homes on the market.  

[KungFuPanda]

I totally get not feeling that granite and tile are practical. It’s nice knowing that a dropped glass doesn’t automatically equal a broken glass or that your back won’t pay from standing in tile floors in the kitchen. Whenever we stay somewhere with tile floors I need to wear shoes to use the kitchen and not pay for it later. I’m not a shoes-in-the-house girl and don’t find it comfortable or natural.