...

[MinivanMom]

..

Edited October 10, 2017 by MinivanMom

[SparklyUnicorn]

wow, ya just can't make this shi* up

 

I don't know.  I'd probably be here asking what others thought.  I probably would not feel comfortable having my kid go to their home.  I might still be ok with my kid being friends with their kid, but I'd be on top of the situation. 

 

At least he was honest.  That's huge right there. 

[lauraw4321]

I would work to quell the relationship. And she would not ever be alone with any of them. Their daughter could still come to our home. And I would tell my DD why.

[PeterPan]

It sounds like it's good that your dd is friends with the girl, but she shouldn't be in their house. Way too much going on, not necessary. If your mother gut is going off, it's going off. That's why it's called Mother Gut.

[Guest]

Casually mentioned that he was a sex offender? K

 

No, you're not overreacting. You're not like petitioning to get them thrown out of town, you're just taking in information on an instinctual level and acting sanely and accordingly.

 

I wouldn't let my children go over. Or do anything with the mother either, if I or dh wasn't present.

Edited October 9, 2017 by OKBud

[PinkyandtheBrains.]

I don't think I'd be letting my child go to their home.  I wouldn't end the friendship though. 

 

From the other Mom's perspective, how do you tell someone that your spouse is a convicted sex offender? I think it is information you need, but how she would go about that conversation I don't know. She quite honestly may have assumed her daughter shared that info already, and that you knew. 

 

Years ago we would babysit a neighborhood boy whose dad was a convicted sex offender. The dad was very up front about it, never came in our house (his choice, I never had to deny him).  

[poppy]

The mom is kind of in an awkward spot, but definitely should have given you more info, especially since she is inviting your daughter to their house!

 

Honestly, I give the dad credit for being open about such a tough issue.

 

I would not let your daughter go to their house, even just based solely on the bad vibes about the brother.

 

I'm wondering if the teen daughter knows, or how much.  What a tough situation.  Don't cut the kid off, that's cruel.  I hope they can stay friends.

 

 

[Carrie12345]

 

How would you feel about this?

 

How would I feel about my child being invited to an admitted sex offender's home?  Specifically with admissions to child porn?  I feel like I don't understand how this is even a question.

[AK_Mom4]

I would be making a call to Jane’s mom to make sure that she was going to be home that evening. If she was going to be there, I would let DD16 go over there for the evening.

 

I am pretty cautious with stuff - I wouldn’t let DD go over there for an overnight event. However, if highly-protective mom will be there, then an evening activity should be ok.

 

My DD has a friend who has a sketchy dad. Not a registered sex offender, but he behaves badly and inappropriately. DD16 doesn’t go over there on weekends when he is around, but often spends time with her friend and friends mom.

[bettyandbob]

I wouldn't have my DD go to that house. I would allow Jane to come to my house. I'd start being the driver for activities so that Jane's mom was less involved as well.

[Guest]

Listen let's call child porn what it is ok. It's a record of child rape. The way we distance ourselves from actions with words needs a careful examination when we are second-guessing ourselves, or someone else thinks we're over reacting ykwim?

 

Child porn isn't just some flavor of pornography that happens to be illegal. It's a record of child rape, either video or pictures.

 

And this guy is super casual about it. Like oh yeah I like peas and watching children get raped.

 

I feel so very, very, very bad for your dd's friend.

[SKL]

I'd rather he was open about it than hid it.

 

Child porn is pretty bad though.  I guess it might matter how long ago and all that.  You may be able to find that info on the internet.  But in any case, I would rather not have my kids in a position where he might ever get them alone.  That said, I feel similar regarding any adult having my kid alone behind closed doors.

 

I would not end the friendship, but I would set boundaries so your daughter doesn't go behind closed doors with this man.  I'm sure he would understand.  I'm sure he would not want his daughter alone with a known sex offender either.

[MinivanMom]

..

Edited October 9, 2017 by MinivanMom

[Guest]

I would be making a call to Jane’s mom to make sure that she was going to be home that evening. If she was going to be there, I would let DD16 go over there for the evening.

 

I am pretty cautious with stuff - I wouldn’t let DD go over there for an overnight event. However, if highly-protective mom will be there, then an evening activity should be ok.

 

My DD has a friend who has a sketchy dad. Not a registered sex offender, but he behaves badly and inappropriately. DD16 doesn’t go over there on weekends when he is around, but often spends time with her friend and friends mom.

I know a woman who protected her own child from her child molester husband like a rabid dog. And didn't divorce him because he'd get shared custody then her child would be left alone with him without protection.

 

Every minute he spent raping some other child, was a minute she didn't have to worry about her own.

 

I'm sorry there is such a darkness, but there IS.

 

I'd really insist on my personal presence (or dh) or nothing. I'd actively want the girl to visit with MY family and with my kids during friend activities though.

[Guest]

How does that conversation go??

 

“Man, we had such a busy summer with soccer, swim lessons, my kiddie porn problem...â€

 

I feel so bad for the DD but this is why you divorce a registered offender.

 

I’d let the dd come over but i’d keep my ear to the ground and no way would my dd ever see Jane’s father, ever. He should be shunned.

[Guest]

Is he even allowed around kids while on probation?

[Elizabeth86]

Yeah my kids would never be alone with any of the. The girl could come with us, but that is it.

[Soror]

I am pretty darn free range but there is no way I'd let my kid go to their house without me. I'd not want to leave her alone with the Mom because I question the judgement of someone who gets back with a sexual offender. I'd be ok with them being friends because the kid shouldn't be punished but I'd have to be with them 24/7. I think a talk with the Mom is in order, maybe she always comes along b/c she is paranoid about abuse and wants to protect her, who knows, I'd still have a hard time trusting her.

[regentrude]

I would not stop the friendship, but would make the girls socialize at MY home.

Gut vibes about the brother would be enough.

 

I am curious: with a conviction like this, wouldn't the father be prohibited from being in contact with minors?  

 

[goldberry]

DD would never go to their house or be around the dad at all.  That said, the girl needs friends.  I would not cut her off, I would try very hard to continue the friendship in a safe way.  She can come to your house or do things with you or DH supervising.

 

If I decided to allow the other mom to supervise, I would be very clear with both the mom and with DD what the parameters were that I deemed safe.  I probably would not allow other mom supervising at all with a younger child, but a 16yo is old enough to stand up for themselves if properly prepped (and of course if you feel good about your DD's maturity level.)

[Ottakee]

Child porn can be other things not involving child rape....like naked pictures. Just to clarify but not excuse at all.

 

How recent was conviction? Again never to excuse but if father is 42 and this was a conviction when he was 18 and had a picture of 16 year old girlfriend that is vastly different than a more recent incident, multiple victims, etc.

 

I would have her over to your house, not your daughter over there. At least share the driving with her mom to be "nice" but also monitor things. Likely this girl suffers greatly due to the sins of her father but yet you do need to protect your daughter.

[Selkie]

I would never let my kids around either the husband or wife. The wife is choosing to stay with him and therefore I would never trust her judgment on anything. Let the girl come to your house but absolutely no contact between your dd and the girl's family.

[Elizabeth86]

Yes I wouldnt trust a woman with a sex offender either.

[regentrude]

Child porn can be other things not involving child rape....like naked pictures. Just to clarify but not excuse at all.

 

How recent was conviction? Again never to excuse but if father is 42 and this was a conviction when he was 18 and had a picture of 16 year old girlfriend that is vastly different than a more recent incident, multiple victims, etc.

 

since he spent 5 years in prison, this was likely not just a pic of the underage girlfriend.

[Guest]

How does that conversation go??

 

“Man, we had such a busy summer with soccer, swim lessons, my kiddie porn problem...â€

 

I feel so bad for the DD but this is why you divorce a registered offender.

 

I’d let the dd come over but i’d keep my ear to the ground and no way would my dd ever see Jane’s father, ever. He should be shunned.

If only it were as easy as divorce :(

 

 

https://www.salon.com/2016/12/11/custody-in-crisis-how-family-courts-nationwide-put-children-in-danger/

 

 

"Nevertheless, the family court judge granted primary custody to Sawyer, warning Gill that if she wanted unrestricted visiting rights with her son, she had better quit talking with the boy about the alleged abuse by his father. What’s more, she had to stop taking her son to doctors to be examined for signs of abuse."

[J-rap]

I'm glad the dad was up front about it (how does that even come up in a conversation?!), but would still be strong regarding protecting my dd.  The dad may have overcome it, or maybe not.  Or maybe the brother has some problems.  I would not let my dd go there without me.  I'd be honest with my dd.  I'd also tell her it doesn't have to do with her friend, and would still allow her to do things with friend but not at their house.  If nothing else, there seem to be a lot of things about that family that are unknowns and questionable.

 

Part of me would probably want to discontinue the friendship altogether, but I feel sorry for the friend.  She didn't ask for a dad who is a sex offender.  What do you do with that.

 

We've had a situation over the years where a long-time friend of dh's family -- a priest, is a sex offender.  He is at all family events.  He has served time and such but still, I would never allow my kids to be alone with him.  They knew this a long time ago when they were young, probably before they really even understood.  He may have completely overcome it, but why take that chance.  I'm responsible for their well-being until they're adults.

[Elizabeth86]

To whoever said he could be 18 with a pic of 16 year old gf. This could be true and he could have gotten 5 years. Who knows. Remember though the mom said she got weird vibes from dad and brother, so I am not suspecting that is the case here.

[Guest]

Child porn can be other things not involving child rape....like naked pictures. Just to clarify but not excuse at all.

 

How recent was conviction? Again never to excuse but if father is 42 and this was a conviction when he was 18 and had a picture of 16 year old girlfriend that is vastly different than a more recent incident, multiple victims, etc.

 

I would have her over to your house, not your daughter over there. At least share the driving with her mom to be "nice" but also monitor things. Likely this girl suffers greatly due to the sins of her father but yet you do need to protect your daughter.

Before, during and or after those "just naked pictures" those children are being raped. I assure you.

[mathnerd]

There is a rule in my state that says registered sex offenders should stay 2000 ft away from schools and parks where children converge. There is a reason for such rules - to keep those offenders away from children. Sex Offenders mostly don't change - according to people in my state who were supporting this law - apparently, they tend to victimize. So, if it were my child, the answer would be no. It is possible for the girls to be friends without going to each other's houses.

 

I think that the reason the dad mentioned that he was a registered sex offender is because he wants your family to know about it before you send your daughter over to their house. 

[MinivanMom]

..

Edited October 9, 2017 by MinivanMom

[MedicMom]

I think the dad was likely telling your husband to make sure you guys were aware. Being on probation he may not even be allowed around children, but since his own children are apparently allowed to live with him, maybe not. It's also possible the probation restrictions are for kids younger than your DD; 16 year olds are not prime child molester targets, to be honest. I'd be much more concerned with a pre pubescent child around him, and he may be restricted from being around kids under 12.

 

I personally wouldn't let my daughter go over there.(Or my sons). Between a sex offender dad,an abnormally hyper vigilant mom and a brother who gives you bad vibes....just no. I suspect if you call the mom and explain it, they'll understand. If they don't, or are angry about it, maybe it's time to cool off the friendship.

[FaithManor]

I would not stop the friendship, but would make the girls socialize at MY home.

Gut vibes about the brother would be enough.

 

I am curious: with a conviction like this, wouldn't the father be prohibited from being in contact with minors?

No. Parent rights trump everything.

 

From my state, here is a story that will make you want to vomit.

 

http://www.wnem.com/story/36550544/man-accused-of-raping-12-year-old-girl-awarded-joint-custody-of-her-child

 

Synopsis, he was 18 and raped a 12 year old while holding two other girls of similar age as well.Court let him plea it down to third degree attempted assault and no kidnapping charges for the other girls. No joke. He served 4.5 months. Parents took their daughter and moved to Florida. She was pregnant from the rape, gave birth, and kept the baby. Scrum bag raped a thirteen year old girl, plead it down, and served another paltry sentence. Got out and sued for custody in Michigan. Huron County courts gave him joint custody of the child who is now about 8.5 years old, and forced the mom to bring the child from Florida for his "patenting time".

 

Huron County is close enough to me that I am attending the protest of the judge, and I have signed a petition to the State asking that he be thrown out of office, and asking the Michigan Bar Association to disbar him, also asking the ACLU to sue on the child's behalf.

 

Several states not only do not terminate the parental rights of child rapists, but allow them custody even forcing some mother's to bring their children to prison to visit the bastards.

Edited October 9, 2017 by FaithManor

[JustEm]

What do you do in a situation like that? You call Jane's mom and explain that while you are happy the girl's have a nice friendship and while Jane is welcome at your house, you can not allow your dd to be at her house without you or dh with the new info. And I personally would make sure my dd knew the dad's past and warn her that she is under no circumstances to be with the man by herself. Hiding that information from her could potentially put her at risk if she runs into him while she's out alone.

[Guest]

If only it were as easy as divorce :(

 

 

https://www.salon.com/2016/12/11/custody-in-crisis-how-family-courts-nationwide-put-children-in-danger/

 

 

"Nevertheless, the family court judge granted primary custody to Sawyer, warning Gill that if she wanted unrestricted visiting rights with her son, she had better quit talking with the boy about the alleged abuse by his father. What’s more, she had to stop taking her son to doctors to be examined for signs of abuse."

That is terrible and all but this father was convicted and jailed for 5 years. A divorce and full custody would have been simple.

[FaithManor]

Often times, plea deals are normal so you need to find out what the original charges were. What he served time for May not have been the crime he actually committed. Oft times it is much worse. Plea deals on sex crimes is so rampant because the DA doesn't have to do all of the immense work of trying the case, and the victim doesn't have to take the stand. This how some pervs get away with multiple, short sentences instead of being thrown in a crevice of the earth to rot like they should.

[lavender's green]

I'm glad you added this. At first I was thinking that it was nice, honest, and courteous of him to be so upfront about it, then I started wondering if he mentioned it because he's just so...out there...that it hardly even matters to him. From this post it sounds like the latter.

 

FTR, I find that if men's alarm bells go off regarding other men...you'd better really watch out.

 

Maybe Jane's mother is highly involved because she's seen how bad men can be and is really worried about her daughter's safety around other men. In which case I hope she'd understand if you took steps to be just as protective about your own DD.

 

I wouldn't let any of my kids alone in that house, and I'd let them know why in an age-appropriate manner so they know who and what to watch out for.

 

EDITED to remove quote. I'm sorry about that.

Edited October 9, 2017 by lavender's green

[FaithManor]

OP I urge you to go to your local police station and ask them to look up the case file and find out what he was originally charged with to see if it differs from what he was convicted. It is public record unless he actually raped a child in which case some information may be redacted to protect the identity of the victim and such. But someone should be able to help you find out to what low this guy sank.

[Scarlett]

No. Parent rights trump everything.

 

From my state, here is a story that will make you want to vomit.

 

http://www.wnem.com/story/36550544/man-accused-of-raping-12-year-old-girl-awarded-joint-custody-of-her-child

 

Synopsis, he was 18 and raped a 12 year old while holding two other girls of similar age as well.Court let him plea it down to third degree attempted assault and no kidnapping charges for the other girls. No joke. He served 4.5 months. Parents took their daughter and moved to Florida. She was pregnant from the rape, gave birth, and kept the baby. Scrum bag raped a thirteen year old girl, plead it down, and served another paltry sentence. Got out and sued for custody in Michigan. Huron County courts gave him joint custody of the child who is now about 8.5 years old, and forced the mom to bring the child from Florida for his "patenting time".

 

Huron County is close enough to me that I am attending the protest of the judge, and I have signed a petition to the State asking that he be thrown out of office, and asking the Michigan Bar Association to disbar him, also asking the ACLU to sue on the child's behalf.

 

Several states not only do not terminate the parental rights of child rapists, but allow them custody even forcing some mother's to bring their children to prison to visit the bastards.

 

 

I read about this case.....and as unbelievable as it is, the rapists attorney says he did not sue for custody.  That it was awarded by the courts because she was collecting state aid and they were going after the father for that....Do you know if that part is true or not?

[Scarlett]

What do you do in a situation like that? You call Jane's mom and explain that while you are happy the girl's have a nice friendship and while Jane is welcome at your house, you can not allow your dd to be at her house without you or dh with the new info. And I personally would make sure my dd knew the dad's past and warn her that she is under no circumstances to be with the man by herself. Hiding that information from her could potentially put her at risk if she runs into him while she's out alone.

 

 

yes this is what I would do.

[StephanieZ]

Nope, my kid wouldn't be going there. Ever. Not just because of the dad, but also because you got a bad vibe off the brother. Nope. 

 

I've banished my child from visiting a friend's home for less. The friend is still welcome here, and is here a lot. But, my kid isn't going to their home unless my husband or I are there. 

[Bluegoat]

I would be inclined not to have my daughter go there.

 

Though at 16, I probably would not think she was in a very vulnerable position - so I wouldn't be freaking out - more a matter of best-practice.

 

I'd probably feel like I wanted to know a little more about what the charge was.  There's a fair amount of variability.

 

I'd not think much of the dad mentioning it - he's probably had to get used to doing so.

[Janeway]

How long ago was the offense?

 

 

 

Edited by moderator to remove quote.

[Janeway]

Thing is, when the judge really consider someone to be a risk, the judge will order the fender to be away from children. The fact that the dad is in the same home with the 16-year-old would tell me that for whatever reason the authorities thought he was not a danger. So I would need more details

[Tammi K]

'Sex offender' can have a lot of meanings.  Do you know what the offense was?   But, as it's said, trust your gut.

 

Edit:  Due to new information.... Ugh. Child porn. Okay, No. Just...No

Edited October 9, 2017 by Tammi K

[Scarlett]

One of my son's friend's has a dad on the sexual offender's registry.  I read all I could on the case and nothing ever conflicted with what I was told.  For the first year of his probation he could not be around anyone under age 18 unless he was in a public place.  After that first year that restriction was dropped.  He had other very strict restrictions for the first year.  He also was granted permission to live with his 3 minor children.  His offense did involve someone under age although not prepubescent.  

 

I do not consider him to be at risk of ever re offending. But the website says he is high risk.  So who knows what that is based on.  

 

But with child porn, it automatically goes to pedophilia.  So yeah, my kid would never be around that guy.  

[Scarlett]

'Sex offender' can have a lot of meanings.  Do you know what the offense was?   But, as it's said, trust your gut.

 

 

Child porn, she put in a later post.

[Scarlett]

Thing is, when the judge really consider someone to be a risk, the judge will order the fender to be away from children. The fact that the dad is in the same home with the 16-year-old would tell me that for whatever reason the authorities thought he was not a danger. So I would need more details

 

 

You would think.  But honestly I do not trust the courts at all to use good sense.  

[Murphy101]

Before, during and or after those "just naked pictures" those children are being raped. I assure you.

Not to mention the only reason they get off on those pictures is because they fantasize about doing more than looking - which is rape.

[Ellie]

No. Parent rights trump everything.

 

From my state, here is a story that will make you want to vomit.

 

http://www.wnem.com/story/36550544/man-accused-of-raping-12-year-old-girl-awarded-joint-custody-of-her-child

 

Synopsis, he was 18 and raped a 12 year old while holding two other girls of similar age as well.Court let him plea it down to third degree attempted assault and no kidnapping charges for the other girls. No joke. He served 4.5 months. Parents took their daughter and moved to Florida. She was pregnant from the rape, gave birth, and kept the baby. Scrum bag raped a thirteen year old girl, plead it down, and served another paltry sentence. Got out and sued for custody in Michigan. Huron County courts gave him joint custody of the child who is now about 8.5 years old, and forced the mom to bring the child from Florida for his "patenting time".

 

Huron County is close enough to me that I am attending the protest of the judge, and I have signed a petition to the State asking that he be thrown out of office, and asking the Michigan Bar Association to disbar him, also asking the ACLU to sue on the child's behalf.

 

Several states not only do not terminate the parental rights of child rapists, but allow them custody even forcing some mother's to bring their children to prison to visit the bastards.

 

:cursing:

[Guest]

How long ago was the offense?

Please don't quote