No one wants Granny's stuff article

[HS Mom in NC]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

Edited February 16, 2017 by Homeschool Mom in AZ

[PrincessMommy]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

 

Yes, we did.

 

When my mom died she had so much carp.  There were a few items we wanted.   Most of it we didn't.  My dad is still living so he has the furniture.  Years and years ago , when I was a teen, I really wanted a china cabinet they bought.  It was probably my mom's most prized possession at that time.  I loved it then, but now??  Not really. It's not really my style and i don't need a large piece of furniture.   But, over the years I have been reminded that I'm getting it when dad dies.  Ummm, what do I say??!!!!

 

The sad thing is I do have some relatives who have kept stuff over the years because "it's worth something."  Well, if it was worth something why did you sell it??!!  But, no.  And now, it's probably not worth much.

Edited February 16, 2017 by PrincessMommy

[JFSinIL]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

 

When my in-laws passed a couple years ago, some of their six kids thought Mom's china would be valuable, and that the old dining table with the chipped finish, etc., would be worth money....nope. One BIL insisted on shipping himself all the china, so he could take his time picking the best offer for it...only to find NOBODY wanted it even for free.  Everyone is trying to sell Ma and Pa's old china/flatware/Hummels and no one wants them.

 

  There was a collection of old teacups/saucers and teapots - all different - that the grandma of MIL had collected - that was kept. One daughter took the teapots for her and her two daughters, the rest i took to portion out to all the grandkids (holding the disinterested male grandkid's shares until they someday have a kid who might be interested in old family heirlooms of a few interesting cups/saucers).  I think picking a few interesting old items as family heirlooms to hold onto for perhaps kids not yet born is worth doing.  I have my grandma's china dog collection, and a few of my dad's small boyhood toys from the 1930s.  But I also have the bookshelves my Dad made in 8th grade at school (Grandma had kept her dog collection in it), that when the almost black sticky varnish was removed proved to be mahogany!  Also a tall-back, padded rocker, probably from about 1880, that I remember rocking in as a kid.

 

Since I have three young adults getting ready to move to their own apartments after college etc. they did divvy up all the decent kitchen stuff like bread boards, Pyrex, etc.

Edited February 17, 2017 by JFSinIL

[TechWife]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

 

 

Very true! I am cleaning out my parents' home now. Family took most of the good furniture, but there are a few pieces left that we can't find a home for. One I am putting on consignment, the others will get donated. 

 

Knick-knacks are getting donated to Goodwill. Clothing to St. Vincent dePaul. 

[Anne in CA]

Very true! I am cleaning out my parents' home now. Family took most of the good furniture, but there are a few pieces left that we can't find a home for. One I am putting on consignment, the others will get donated. 

 

Knick-knacks are getting donated to Goodwill. Clothing to St. Vincent dePaul. 

Isn't it funny how soon some things seem to become inconveniences? My own MIL is convinced will need to keep all her knick knacks, but I can't imagine keeping them. I don't even know the back story to most of them. 

[kewb]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you? What region are you in?

I an in the northeast. Definitely true. I am thankful my mother downsized when she moved across the country. She gave my sister and me some of the interesting things she owned that we wanted and sold/donated the majority of her stuff. When the time comes I hope Remington bronzes are back in style because she has a few of them.

 

I tried to sell my China and crystal stemware for a few years. No takers. Not even at target prices. No one wants it. I have started using it for every day instead of it just sitting in my breakfront taking up space. I don't entertain like that anymore. My kids don't want it, so what am I saving it for?

[Penguin]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

Yeah, but what comes around goes around... Wait a generation or more, and people will be all over granny's stuff.

 

I look at all the oohs and aahs over mid-century modern and think Are you kidding me? That is the stuff I grew up with in my parents' early 1960s-oh-so-stylish rec room (*) basement. I couldn't wait to get rid of that stuff. You know, the orange lamps and the vinyl record cabinets. And now that is the hipster in thing, lol.

 

(*) We called them clubbed basements back then :lol: .

 

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ETA: Does anyone else get a you cannot reply to this topic message? I could only reply if I quoted.

Edited February 16, 2017 by Penguin

[HS Mom in NC]

 

---

 

ETA: Does anyone else get a you cannot reply to this topic message? I could only reply if I quoted.

 

Yes, I do.  I have no idea how that happened.

 

[fraidycat]

Yes, I do. I have no idea how that happened.

 

If you add tags to the original post it gets attached to a social group and messes up the ability to reply. If you remove the tags it should work fine.

[Mom22ns]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

 

We found it to be true. When my parents died, my sister and I divided what we wanted, sold some, and donated the rest. Fortunately, the man who bought their house told us that he would take any furniture we wanted to leave. We left quite a bit that we couldn't get rid of, even for free.

[Bluegoat]

http://www.nextavenue.org/nobody-wants-parents-stuff/

 

I have found this to be true when clearing out my maternal grandparents' home. What about you?  What region are you in?

 

I think there are a lot of aspects to this.  One is that sometimes, the stuff is junk.  And many people are living in smaller places.

 

I also think that we have had an increase in the trend cycle.  It's slower for house-wares than fashion, but it still has a much faster turn-over than it used to be.  So, things that once were timeless are now off-trend, and we notice.

 

But in a way I think its sad.  My mom is fairly serious about antiques and such - not necessarily the ones with the best provenance, but she likes good pieces, so she goes to the auction every week.  She is always saying how the most beautiful, high quality furniture is going for very low prices - like $400 for a high quality dining set, chairs and sideboard and all.

 

Given the amount people pay for modern, usually junky, often made in china, furniture, it seems really wasteful.  and not just of money, but resources.

[Anne in CA]

Yes, I do.  I have no idea how that happened.

 

I am quoting you so I can post, lol. 

 

There is a trend where I live that people who must go into assisted living leave all their possessions in their house. Many, many people who have moved here in the last ten years ended up with a house full of furniture and other things because the previous occupants can't sell the things (too old to understand Craigslist or Ebay) and their kids didn't want the stuff, so the new owners get all the furniture. Since most of the people buying homes here are buying a second home anyway it doesn't matter. They get a furnished home. People who live here all the time find it inconvenient to deal with this stuff and have to make trips to the dump, Goodwill, ect, because they are bringing their own furniture. But since living here it has really hit home to me in a new way that stuff is only stuff.

[DawnM]

Isn't it funny how soon some things seem to become inconveniences?

 

 

No kidding!  Honestly, when my parents are gone, I am tempted to just have a Kidney Foundation type truck come and take ALL of it.  I don't want their 60 year old furniture.  

 

Edited February 16, 2017 by DawnM

[lllll]

nm

 

Edited February 17, 2017 by --Kathy--

[Catwoman]

If you add tags to the original post it gets attached to a social group and messes up the ability to reply. If you remove the tags it should work fine.

When I opened this thread, I was amazed at how many tags were attached to it. :eek:

 

I read the article and it made me kind of sad to think that so many people have no appreciation of the things that meant so much to their moms and grandmothers. I can understand not having room for the stuff and that you have different taste in decorative items, but to not even save at least a few little things as keepsakes makes me sad. :(

 

I know "things" don't matter to a lot of people, but if they mattered a lot to a family member who died, I think it's nice to try to keep at least a little something -- unless you always hated grandma, which would make the memories painful so it would make sense to get rid of everything. Even if it doesn't matter to you, it might matter to your kids or grandkids if they are more sentimental. I think it's cool to have something that belonged to my grandmother or my great-grandmother. I guess not everyone feels that way, though.

[Guest]

Yes, I do. I have no idea how that happened.

 

I'm also quoting to post. I don't understand how this thread is on the Chat board.

 

I was just reading a book about estate liquidation and this is the first point the author is going over: people are shocked how little their family's furniture and "stuff" is worth. Supply is very high, as boomers downsize and have to unload their parent's estates. Demand is low because young people don't have the same lifestyle expectations (i.e., many have no dining room) and they make a home life later than previous generations.

 

My own mother's house is stuffed with stuff that is largely worthless, except in a few cases, for sentiment. (I would love to have my Grandfather's German mantle clock, for example.) However, I know she believes some of it is monetarily valuable. She has pointed out things specifically, presumably because she knows the vast, massive majority of their things are going straight to Goodwill one day and she fear the "valuable" Rookwood pottery is going to be cast aside unawares. If it's really so valuable, sell it now, mom, and take a trip to Colorado while you still can.

 

The many, many, many times I have seen Goodwill shelves heaped with Ashton-Drake dolls still in their plastic coffins, or Franklin Mint collector plates in their rickety, stained cardboard cartons motivates me yo not leave so much foolishness for my decendants to mess with.

 

(Although there are my books...)

[SamanthaCarter]

I was just reading a book about estate liquidation and this is the first point the author is going over: people are shocked how little their family's furniture and "stuff" is worth. Supply is very high, as boomers downsize and have to unload their parent's estates. Demand is low because young people don't have the same lifestyle expectations (i.e., many have no dining room) and they make a home life later than previous generations.

 

 

What I don't understand is when I stop into homes advertising an "estate sale" in hopes of finding a quality piece of furniture, it's all really dated once-trendy junk with unreasonable price tags on it. People do think their parents stuff is worth something. But can't I find the good furniture if the market is so saturated? I've spent several months looking for an extra wide dresser I can afford and haven't found it. Dining room table? I ended up having to buy new. The consignment shops are just as bad as the estate sales!

Edited February 16, 2017 by SamanthaCarter

[flyingaway]

The many, many, many times I have seen Goodwill shelves heaped with Ashton-Drake dolls still in their plastic coffins, or Franklin Mint collector plates in their rickety, stained cardboard cartons motivates me yo not leave so much foolishness for my decendants to mess with.

 

(Although there are my books...)

Just the other day I made my kids stand in front of someone's lighthouse collection at the thrift store, while I gave them the sermon about how this is where the stuff ends up.

 

My grandparents things did not sell at auction last spring because no one wants that stuff. My mom was horrified at the prices the furniture was selling for, so she bought several pieces herself because "I just couldn't let it go at that price." It's now crammed into her already overstuffed house. And I actually have two pieces of it that I didn't want because my mom wouldn't stop breathing on me about it.

[Catwoman]

What I don't understand is when I stop into homes advertising an "estate sale" in hopes of finding a quality piece of furniture, it's all really dated once-trendy junk with unreasonable price tags on it. People do think their parents stuff is worth something. But can't I find the good furniture if the market is so saturated? I've spent several months looking for an extra wide dresser I can afford and haven't found it. Dining room table? I ended up having to buy new. The consignment shops are just as bad as the estate sales!

Yes! Where are all of these great furniture bargains? I certainly don't see them. :glare:

[Catwoman]

I didn't get the sense the article was talking about keeping one or two things as keepsakes. More like what to do with an entire houseful of goods.

 

I have a music box from my great-grandmother, a Christmas tree topper that belonged to one grandmother, and an afghan made by my other grandmother. I cherish those things. But recently my aunt, who packed up her parents' last home and has had the stuff in boxes for 25 years, suggested that the grandkids take it because she's downsizing. We are all in our mid-thirties to late-forties and have fully furnished homes and fully stocked kitchens. There is nothing sentimental about grandma's cookware. If she'd had a famous bundt cake recipe or something one of us might have wanted her bundt pan, but if that were the case we'd probably have asked for it twenty years ago.

I wanted to "like" your post, but there are no like buttons on this thread! :)

[HS Mom in NC]

If you add tags to the original post it gets attached to a social group and messes up the ability to reply. If you remove the tags it should work fine.

 

Thanks!

 

[datgh]

My mom recently downsized from a big four bedroom colonial to a one bedroom apartment. Mom asked us what we wanted and then packed most stuff up and took it to a couple of different church yard sales and donated it to them. She was ruthless and I am so greatful because I can be sentimental.  The house was also full of beautiful but dated furniture. She sold it all to a used furniture store for $400 and they came picked it all up. We kids thought she could have sold it for so much more but her motto was, "It has given me 50 years and doesn't owe me anything."  I have to admit it was a heck of a lot easier to let it all go in one day.  So greatful to my Mom for her attitude, It made things so much easier. My MIL though was a whole other story!

[HS Mom in NC]

The things I kept from my grandparents were their rocking chair they rocked my mom, me and my brother in and the nativity set they bought in Israel. Both are sentimental items and the rocking chair is useful. My brother only wanted the recipe for her Lime Jello Salad (affectionately known as green stuff) and the Christmas Tree mold she used with it.  The recipe card is framed and on his wall in his house.

The only things I want from my mom's farm house stuffed with antiques are the Raggedy Ann and Andy Christmas ornaments my aunt handmade for my mother when my brother and me were toddlers and the crocheted snowflake ornaments my mother's best friend made.  Again, both are sentimental, and with Grandmother's nativity set, they can be displayed for a month annually.

Who needs home furnishings when their parents and grandparents are downsizing?  We 4 siblings didn't.  We already had houses full. When grandparents downsized, our kids were all in elementary school or younger so they didn't need furniture.

Antiques (furniture from the 1800s) are very taste specific. I've never been into an ornate aesthetic.  Yes, they're made of wood, but the antiques crammed into my mother's house aren't as "well made" as most people claim.  They have doors and drawers that don't open easily.  It may be hard wood but they're not easy to use.  They take up precious floor space.  Her farmhouse doesn't have as much closest space as modern homes, so she has amoires (sp?) and buffets, and accent tables and decorative screens and china cabinets and hutches and such in all the public rooms.  (My family get togethers usually include 25-30 people.) No one likes sitting on the antique furniture, it's the last choice of people unwilling to sit on the floor when the more comfortable, more contemporary couch and recliners that they usually sit in.

Modern homes have storage closets, kitchen islands and walls full of cabinets to the ceiling for all that. In the bedrooms there are dressing tables and dressers and cedar chests in spite of the bathroom having adequate lighting and cabinets for getting ready.  The bedrooms do have closet space so why she crams in furniture for clothing baffles me.  It's stifling. If she would get rid of things she doesn't use she wouldn't need to many pieces of big, clunky, heavy furniture.

She has silver place settings that has to be handwashed and polished, so there's no way it's out for 25-30 people because no one wants to clean it before and after use.  She has frilly china that needs hand washing but again, no one wants to hand wash all of it, so it's the modern stainless steel that goes in the dishwasher or disposable plastic wear with decorative disposable plates from Costco.  She has crystal glasses I haven't seen out of the antique china cabinet since childhood.  She has the train from her first wedding gown (a marriage that went down down in flames in the early 70s) sitting in a closet for no purpose, including sentiment, but she's saving it because it's very nice material.  (Not now, it isn't.)  

I just don't get the mindset.  I don't get hanging on to useless things because once upon a time they were expensive or a status item.  I don't get going to antique shops and buying more furniture when the house is already full.  Yes, it's a very nice piece, but why do people think they need to own every nice piece they encounter when they've got more very nice pieces than their floor plan can handle. 

Just because an ancestor owned it doesn't mean it has to be kept in the family forever.  My MIL still can't understand that no one wants her 150 year old cuckoo clock-it's really ugly and it's noisy. No one is going to tell her that though.

 

[Lorien]

I didn't read the article, but in reply to the thread title ..... I do! I do! 😀 I love looking through old houses, and would love to see what things have been accumulated over a lifetime! Our whole family loves meandering through antique stores just looking at all the stuff people had and used to use. My ideal inheritance right now is the farm not far from where we live that has a very old, tumble-down house and at least three old barns just packed with stuff! I don't know who owns it, (don't know if anyone even lives there anymore) but whoever does, please leave it to me in your will just so I can wander through and look at all the stuff you have collected! 😄

 

Sadly, we don't know anyone who will leave anything like that to us and I wish we did! 😄 To me, it's the collection of a lifetime of memories and even if I didn't share those memories, I'd love to look through them!

 

I understand that for some, dealing with a mountain of possessions while also dealing with the sorrow of the death of a loved one could turn the possessions into an unwanted, unpleasant task. That would be hard. For others, it could be a gathering of memories as those going through the belongings look back on a life now missed. But, for us, we don't have anyone who would leave anything like that to us so we wouldn't be dealing with the emotional side. Well, other than pure joy if we were given that old farm! 😂

[MotherGoose]

When I opened this thread, I was amazed at how many tags were attached to it. :eek:

 

I read the article and it made me kind of sad to think that so many people have no appreciation of the things that meant so much to their moms and grandmothers. I can understand not having room for the stuff and that you have different taste in decorative items, but to not even save at least a few little things as keepsakes makes me sad. :(

 

I know "things" don't matter to a lot of people, but if they mattered a lot to a family member who died, I think it's nice to try to keep at least a little something -- unless you always hated grandma, which would make the memories painful so it would make sense to get rid of everything. Even if it doesn't matter to you, it might matter to your kids or grandkids if they are more sentimental. I think it's cool to have something that belonged to my grandmother or my great-grandmother. I guess not everyone feels that way, though.

I have my grandma's gravy bowl she served gravy out of every Sunday, and her ice bucket (which she probably never used, but I like it), some planters, her watering can, and some boot scrapers. Things that give me fond memories of her and things I can actually use (except the gravy bowl because it's fragile.). But when my family was cleaning out the house they had such a hard time letting go of anything. I mean glass vases that had no sentimental or monetary value, trinkets, etc. My uncle has an entire TRACTOR TRAILER of "collectible " stuff that does have value, or did until it sat in the heat and cold for 20 years. I'm just not a collector. I expect he will leave that tractor trailer of stuff to me one day, (has no kids), and I'm not going to spend years of my life sorting through it. I'll be calling an auction place.

[Garga]

I'm one of the odd people out, or else my parents just have nice stuff.

 

They have some more modern things that are just "things", but they also have some lovely antiques they've collected over the years. There are quite of few of them that I love and will gladly give a home when the time comes. Roll stop tests (roll stop tests? Wha..? Should be roll top desks), secretary, beautifully carved sideboard. There are also some knick-knack things that I really like that they have and would also love. And I've always loved their china that I grew up with. I would use it every day, however, and not store it away.

 

I agree that a lot of stuff they have is just the stuff of living: couch, table, tv stand. If that's what the article is about, then I suppose no one wants that stuff. But some families have nice things that would be loved.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Garga

[theelfqueen]

I have my great grandmother's crystal (dug out of my Great Aunt's attic). I have my mother's china. I rarely get them out. :( Because it's a pain in the butt to get them out but I love having them.

[xixstar]

I don't want what I have, so I certainly don't need more. But my husband will have an emotional attachment to everything and want it all. How I fear that day.

 

Though I did realize that I do actually want my MIL's china. It's beautiful. And so I will never buy a set in hopes that some day I will get one. :)

[kitten18]

Yes, I do. I have no idea how that happened.

 

Quoting so I can reply.

 

We didn't really have this problem when my parents died. That is probably because my parents really liked antique furniture and my dad spent the last 20 years of his life refinishing furniture and hand caning chairs. There was 5 of us kids and they had 14 grandchildren (most grandchildren grown with homes of their own) so there was plenty of people to distribute all the furniture to.

We figured out what everyone wanted, had a garage sale for stuff with no emotional attachment and had the rest picked up by Goodwill.

 

 

ETA - there is very little in my IL's house that we will want. There's maybe a few pictures but I don't think dh will have an emotional attachment to much else there.

Edited February 17, 2017 by kitten18

[Meriwether]

I have a number of things from my Grammy. My dining room table is the one my mom ate at growing up and the one I ate at growing up. I hope one of my children will want it when they marry. When Mom passes away, I will get a number of things that belonged to my great-grandparents and grandparents. I'm good with used furniture, though. My husband and I have not purchased much furniture. Our house will never have that really polished look, but it is homey. In one room for example, we have Grammy's writing desk, the table that my aunt and uncle used for the first 30+ years of their marriage, a little chest that my mom got at an auction and refinished when I was little, the first love seat my parents bought 40+ years ago (it has been recovered), and a chair that Dh's sister gave us when they were done with it. The only things we purchased are a rug I bought in Morocco, the aquarium we just bought our daughter, and a bookshelf, which we didn't actually buy. Dh talked the furniture store into throwing it in when we bought our bedroom set.

[EmilyGF]

My MIL learned this when she tried to sell her mother's china at an antique store. 

 

Now she has five sets of fancy china (!) she has inherited from various relatives and rotates them through the seasons. More power to her! And hopefully she'll use them up (due to breakage) through enjoying them.

Emily

[Seasider]

My mom recently downsized from a big four bedroom colonial to a one bedroom apartment. Mom asked us what we wanted and then packed most stuff up and took it to a couple of different church yard sales and donated it to them. She was ruthless and I am so greatful because I can be sentimental. The house was also full of beautiful but dated furniture. She sold it all to a used furniture store for $400 and they came picked it all up. We kids thought she could have sold it for so much more but her motto was, "It has given me 50 years and doesn't owe me anything." I have to admit it was a heck of a lot easier to let it all go in one day. So greatful to my Mom for her attitude, It made things so much easier. My MIL though was a whole other story!

Wow, what a great attitude! I am going to have to remember that.

[Zinnia]

My MIL learned this when she tried to sell her mother's china at an antique store. 

 

Now she has five sets of fancy china (!) she has inherited from various relatives and rotates them through the seasons. More power to her! And hopefully she'll use them up (due to breakage) through enjoying them.

Emily

 

I have 3 sets that I got for my wedding.  I also rotate them.  I don't see this as odd at all.  :D

[lailasmum]

I live in the house I grew up in so I'm living amongst old furniture that's completely impractical for modern life and much too large for a small home. When my mum dies I won't be keeping it but I can imagine my sister keeping it just because she's sentimental. A lot of this furniture started life in big old farmhouses so the size was appropriate then but just makes no sense now.

[Garga]

I'm one of the odd people out, or else my parents just have nice stuff.

 

They have some more modern things that are just "things", but they also have some lovely antiques they've collected over the years. There are quite of few of them that I love and will gladly give a home when the time comes. Roll stop tests (roll stop tests? Wha..? Should be roll top desks), secretary, beautifully carved sideboard. There are also some knick-knack things that I really like that they have and would also love. And I've always loved their china that I grew up with. I would use it every day, however, and not store it away.

 

I agree that a lot of stuff they have is just the stuff of living: couch, table, tv stand. If that's what the article is about, then I suppose no one wants that stuff. But some families have nice things that would be loved.

 

I'm quoting myself because I want to add to this.

 

While my parents have lovely antiques that I adore and would take in a snap, my in-laws don't.

 

I forgot about the in-laws. I think I'm understanding what the article is about now when I think of the in-laws. My taste and theirs is completely different. Neither is bad, just different. I wouldn't like anything in their house for myself. It's fine for them, but not for me.

 

There are some solid pots and pans, but other than that, nothing is my style. DH would probably like some of his dad's tools.

 

I'm thinking that unless the items are verifiable antiques (like my parents'), that are 100 years old or so and are beautiful, then no. My MIL likes to keep things fresh, so she doesn't have old stuff. Just new stuff she gets at Kohls and places like that. I already have enough of that. Why would anyone want some piece of furniture from 1995? Or a picture from 2001? Or a knick-knack from 2010?

 

Now, the roll top desk from 1920? Yes. Sign me up. I'll replace my newer furniture with the antiques when the time comes.

[Guest]

Now that I can finally reply to this thread... lol...

 

I read the article and thought it had some good points. When my grandparents died, one had a house full of "collections", and the other had gotten rid of darn near everything. Guess which one was so much easier to deal with.

 

One thing I somewhat disagree with is furniture. Every (reproducing) family always has a new generation getting ready to fly the nest, starting their own way in life. I would've struggled mightily to financially afford outfitting my first apartment if it hadn't been for inherited furniture. My mother keeps a garage of hand-me-down furniture free for the taking for anyone in the family. And when you get to the point of upgrading, you return the inherited furniture to the garage for someone else to use. We have a funny "retro" dinette, lovingly referred to as the George Jetson set, that has cycled through no fewer than five people in our family.

Edited February 17, 2017 by Kinsa

[G5052]

So very, very true. I truly get it. I'm trying to get things cleaned out myself, and we've made progress in the basement. 

 

I have four sets of china -- two grandparents, my parents, and mine. We're going to sell all but one. The one set we're keeping is handpainted and has a significant amount of history behind it. Will my kids want it? I don't know, but I at least they'll be down to only one set.

 

I have a good amount of silver that I'm going to sell as well. I have one silver teapot that I'm going to keep. Again, only because of the meaning it has for me.

 

When my MIL died, there were horrible fights over her stuff. We completely backed out of it. My SIL grabbed a few pieces of costume jewelry and two DVD players and put them in our van, but frankly we got rid of them as soon as we got home.

 

My mother was in a tiny apartment in a dementia unit, and stuff was stacked to the ceiling. I took a piece of original art that I liked, one family heirloom, some pictures, and a piece of valuable jewelry. My sibling took scads and scads of stuff. They are in poor health and told me that they had to get multiple storage units, so I'm dreading dealing with that at some point if they go first. Thankfully the assisted living facility wanted the furniture and clothes, so we just put the rest in the dumpster, and they dealt with it. It took us a week to clean it out.

 

And then there was my beloved uncle. He was a hoarder, and I would have had to move there for several months to deal with it. The garage was stacked to the ceiling around a truck that didn't run and whole rooms stacked to the ceiling. I told the estate team to hire a clean-out team, and they did. It was a licensed and bonded company, and they meticulously filed any document they found and brought it to my trust officer, and the rest was removed. At one point they had 15 people working on it. They found his military discharge papers in a kitchen cabinet, and the deed to the house in the glove compartment of the truck in the garage. Thankfully the funds were there to get it cleaned out. We were able to get his house sold seven months after he died. That estate still hasn't settled for unrelated reasons, but the properties are gone.

 

Next up are my aunt and uncle who are across the country too. They told me that they are leaving me the house and everything in it. It's orderly, but they have a large house and guest house. I'll probably have to hire someone there too.

 

It's just how it is, I guess!

[fairfarmhand]

My family of origin was very poor so other than my baby pictures, I won't get much. That's not bad.

 

My grandmother, mom's mom, was not wealthy but firmly middle class and believed in buying quality pieces. I have 2 bedroom sets, lovely pieces, sturdy and well made, that will be in my kids' bedrooms after they grow up. Or when my kids have their forever home, they can have them. The furniture is not too large, and it's just a bed and a dresser with mirror.

 

.

 

 

Edited February 17, 2017 by fairfarmhand

[Elizabeth 2]

Every so often I wish I had family antiques like some of the posters here, but after reading many of the things y'all have delt with, it makes me relieved DH and I are from families of little means. What furniture either parent group has is fine for goodwill, except MIL's dresser which is promised to oldest granddaughter. Everything else is life stuff that we don't care about. DH is the youngest of four and we have been told more than once that anything regarding his parents will be none of our business. That's fine! The drama after my nephew's death tells me we don't need to be involved in it when FIL or MIL go.

 

My parents: dad has his third wife and their daughter. I just want my wooden car I made in middle school and pictures from my mom and dad's life together. My stepdad will be a blooming mess if mom goes first, so I know I'll have to deal with gis hoarding for anything sentimental. Considering I lived with him the longest out of any of us, I'm sure I'll end up doing a lot of the work. My mother is more the type to save the photos, sell the rest and have an adventure on the proceeds. I'll get to help her sell stuff asap and book her flight for just about anywhere.

 

This is one of those times I'm glad the chances of needing to deal with extended family members is extremely slim. Monkeys kicked us out of the circus years ago. Little do they know the joke will be on them.

[Bluegoat]

I didn't get the sense the article was talking about keeping one or two things as keepsakes. More like what to do with an entire houseful of goods.

 

I have a music box from my great-grandmother, a Christmas tree topper that belonged to one grandmother, and an afghan made by my other grandmother. I cherish those things. But recently my aunt, who packed up her parents' last home and has had the stuff in boxes for 25 years, suggested that the grandkids take it because she's downsizing. We are all in our mid-thirties to late-forties and have fully furnished homes and fully stocked kitchens. There is nothing sentimental about grandma's cookware. If she'd had a famous bundt cake recipe or something one of us might have wanted her bundt pan, but if that were the case we'd probably have asked for it twenty years ago.

 

I think smaller families have an impact as well.  I managed to be given three seperate sets of china, two from my dh's grandmother, and one from my nana.  One set was in terrible repair, so i got rid of it, but another is stashed away in the attic.  I use the set from my nana, and love it, but I only need so many plats and bowls and such. 

[Bluegoat]

I'm one of the odd people out, or else my parents just have nice stuff.

 

They have some more modern things that are just "things", but they also have some lovely antiques they've collected over the years. There are quite of few of them that I love and will gladly give a home when the time comes. Roll stop tests (roll stop tests? Wha..? Should be roll top desks), secretary, beautifully carved sideboard. There are also some knick-knack things that I really like that they have and would also love. And I've always loved their china that I grew up with. I would use it every day, however, and not store it away.

 

I agree that a lot of stuff they have is just the stuff of living: couch, table, tv stand. If that's what the article is about, then I suppose no one wants that stuff. But some families have nice things that would be loved.

 

My mom has a lot of really beautiful things.  If they ever downsize, there is a lot of it I'd take in a heartbeat, though my two sisters might also have something to say about it.  Most of it is nicer than what I have, so I would tend to get rid of the less nice things. 

 

And I can make room for good pictures, no matter how many I already have. 

 

I agree with you that using stuff is part of being able to keep it, and I don't really understand not using things because of fear of breaking them.  I use the good china from my nana, and the silver from my MIL, all the time, I don't have less nice stuff for every day.  Luckily, I prefer the look of silver that isn't over-polished.  (I think the only thing I have I wouldn't use for fear of breaking is a very delicate tea cup that belonged to my great-great grandfather, it washed up from a ship-wreck on the island he was a lighthouse keeper on.)  But, why would I buy things like glasses and stuff from Ikea, that tend to break at the least knock, and not better quality ones that I inherited?  I don't have room for extra stuff, so I use what's good.  even if it has to be replaced one day, at least it lasted a while.

[Guest]

This is awesome, as long as someone in the extended family has the space to store the furniture lending library. When your parents aren't able anymore is someone in the next generation prepared to take over?

Doubtful. The generations are starting to spread out further and further (geographically).

[Serenade]

You all who have parents who want to give you their stuff, or at least who ask you first before tossing, are lucky.  I'm in the opposite situation.  My mom is currently getting rid of things that I want.  I guess she'd rather give them to someone else or donate them than give them to her child. Some of those are things that were given to my dad, and I really feel like she should let us kids have first dibs.  I don't understand the need to give them away. She is downsizing to move, and I'm the only kid who really wants anything, but I guess she  thinks it's not fair to give me something if the others don't want them?  I dunno, but it really hurts my feelings.  I've even offered to buy some things that she said she might try to sell, but she doesn't want to sell them to me, either.  It's hard for me to understand because we've been helping her clean up and move out of her house for months now, something that is very time-consuming and is negatively affecting my home life at times.  Yet I have to be so careful to ask for things that she is giving away anyhow.  It makes me so sad.  She has nice things.  She has even given me some nice things, although at times she told me that she didn't want to.  They are things that are very important to her and maybe it makes her sad to see them in my house if she can't have them?  She's moving into a one bedroom after living in our family home for 45 years.  Anyhow, it's been interesting to me to read this thread while I'm going through the opposite situation. 

[Serenade]

 

 

I agree with you that using stuff is part of being able to keep it, and I don't really understand not using things because of fear of breaking them.  I use the good china from my nana, and the silver from my MIL, all the time, I don't have less nice stuff for every day.  Luckily, I prefer the look of silver that isn't over-polished.  (I think the only thing I have I wouldn't use for fear of breaking is a very delicate tea cup that belonged to my great-great grandfather, it washed up from a ship-wreck on the island he was a lighthouse keeper on.)  But, why would I buy things like glasses and stuff from Ikea, that tend to break at the least knock, and not better quality ones that I inherited?  I don't have room for extra stuff, so I use what's good.  even if it has to be replaced one day, at least it lasted a while.

 

This is my theory as well.   Use it, and if it breaks, don't weep.

[J-rap]

Most of our present furniture was actually our grandparents, on both sides!  Nothing fancy at all, but we like old things, and they died leaving old furniture, which happened to be mahogany and fit perfectly with our old apartment and then our old home.  We've never replaced it, so it lives on.

 

We find that if family furniture goes to anyone, it's usually from grandparents to grandchildren.  The generation in-between is usually quite settled.  I imagine that my own parents' furnishings will end up being distributed among grandchildren just setting up their first apartments or homes.  Maybe not even to keep permanently, but to tide them over.  Even things like beddings, linens, towels, etc. would probably be used for awhile.

 

A lot of the other stuff like knick-knacks that have had a special place in my parents' home will be hard for me to part with, because of sentimental value.  

[HS Mom in NC]

Now that I can finally reply to this thread... lol...

 

I read the article and thought it had some good points. When my grandparents died, one had a house full of "collections", and the other had gotten rid of darn near everything. Guess which one was so much easier to deal with.

 

One thing I somewhat disagree with is furniture. Every (reproducing) family always has a new generation getting ready to fly the nest, starting their own way in life. I would've struggled mightily to financially afford outfitting my first apartment if it hadn't been for inherited furniture. My mother keeps a garage of hand-me-down furniture free for the taking for anyone in the family. And when you get to the point of upgrading, you return the inherited furniture to the garage for someone else to use. We have a funny "retro" dinette, lovingly referred to as the George Jetson set, that has cycled through no fewer than five people in our family.

What you're describing is very unusual.

I don't know anyone with the space to warehouse extra furniture.  Around here people put their 2 cars (no public transportation) in their garage and the YAs living with them put their cars in the driveway and on the street in front of the house.  Sheds are rare here in the suburbs (tiny back yards) so if you're lucky enough to have a 3 car garage (not the norm) or you  have a 2 garage system like I do (again, not the norm)   the camping equipment, seasonal decorations, tools, bikes, 2 extra dining room chairs, and such go in the small second 1 car a garage.

 

Most people over 35 are transplants who have moved here from another state. Moving is expensive.

 

These are not people who can keep piles of unused furniture to lend. It would be nice, but it's not practical for the vast majority of people.

[Garga]

You all who have parents who want to give you their stuff, or at least who ask you first before tossing, are lucky.  I'm in the opposite situation.  My mom is currently getting rid of things that I want.  I guess she'd rather give them to someone else or donate them than give them to her child. Some of those are things that were given to my dad, and I really feel like she should let us kids have first dibs.  I don't understand the need to give them away. She is downsizing to move, and I'm the only kid who really wants anything, but I guess she  thinks it's not fair to give me something if the others don't want them?  I dunno, but it really hurts my feelings.  I've even offered to buy some things that she said she might try to sell, but she doesn't want to sell them to me, either.  It's hard for me to understand because we've been helping her clean up and move out of her house for months now, something that is very time-consuming and is negatively affecting my home life at times.  Yet I have to be so careful to ask for things that she is giving away anyhow.  It makes me so sad.  She has nice things.  She has even given me some nice things, although at times she told me that she didn't want to.  They are things that are very important to her and maybe it makes her sad to see them in my house if she can't have them?  She's moving into a one bedroom after living in our family home for 45 years.  Anyhow, it's been interesting to me to read this thread while I'm going through the opposite situation. 

 

 

That's really sad.  I'm sorry to hear that.  

 

There was a time when my mother was under the mistaken assumption I wouldn't want anything and she started to give it away.  I got a taste of what you're feeling.  But I don't understand why your mom continues to give stuff away that she knows you like.  How hurtful.    :grouphug:

[SKL]

I did tell my parents I wanted them to give me a couple sets of books when I had kids.  Well I went looking for them recently, as my kids are the perfect age for them, and nobody knows where they are.  :P

 

My mom's prized VCR collection ... I don't know, maybe my oldest brother will want it.  She has it indexed some weird way I can't comprehend, and who uses VCR tape any more anyway?  If it's up to me, it will be headed for a landfill.  (Sorry Mom!)  But I have 5 siblings who might be more sentimental than I am ....

 

Seeing how it went with my Grandma and how it seems likely to go with my parents, I make an effort to keep my crap to a minimum.  Unfortunately, others who live here do not ... the basement is downright depressing ....

[Guest]

I haven't found the article to be true. Some gc don't have the income to get out of renting,so they are most appreciative of inheriting the house and contents. The ones that move away generally have newer homes and aren't ready to retire and move back...if they get the house, they turn it into a furnished rental after removing the valuables.

[Bluegoat]

What really gets me is the amount of junk furniture, and how much places charge for it, new!  I think that if we just got rid of all that stuff, we would probably have a pretty stable market for good quality new and good quality used stuff, that would last a long time.

 

And the stuff like singing plastic fish or giant clapper hands for promotional purposes - that stuff is junk from the time it is made.