Ever looked down on for being a SAHM?

[Denisemomof4]

This is kind of a spin off from the thread about whether or not you consider hsing your full time job.

 

When I was 33 I went to the doctor and told him I felt dizzy and felt what seemed to be tremors in my brain. I knew it sounded weird, but that's what I was feeling! I also told him of my palpitations. Know what he asked me? "Do you work for a living?" to which I replied, "No, I'm a SAHM." He became rude and said, "Well, maybe you should go out and get a job and stop dreaming of things that may be wrong with you." I never saw him again, but I did walk out of the office with a prescription for high blood pressure meds and have been on them for 12 years now. My bp was THROUGH THE ROOF! It may be the silent killer but it wasn't for me, and I wasn't even overweight!

 

Fast forward several years. I had issues 6 years ago where my hands and arms went numb. I remember not being able to speak on the phone because I couldn't hold it, I was dropping paint brushes while trying to pain the house, and I felt a sensation of "electric bolts" running down my arms. I went to my dr, who sent me to a neurologist. Same thing. He asked what I did for a living and when I told him I was a SAHM, his attitude immediately changed. He told me I was completely fine. Never mind about the time a wasp flew into my pajama bottoms when I went through the woods to deliver a cup of coffee to my husband. I felt SOMETHING but didn't know what it was. When I got back to the house and took my pj's off, the wasp flew out and I had 9 welts on my legs. I felt nothing. I've been told by three doctors now that I have some nerve issue. that's it. (don't even get me started on my opinion of the medical community! I just have NOT had good experiences!)

 

Then my dr. sent me to a cardiologist because of my palpitations again. Since my father was one of FOUR men who had their first heart attack at age 27, the others died, he wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Once the cardiologist found out I was a SAHM,his attitude, too, changed. I never went in for my stress test. I just can't do it again.

 

All this long and rambling business to ask, has something similar happened to you? AND, what do you think of saying you're a teacher when someone asks? I've been pondering this for over a year now. That's what I think I'm going to do now. If they ask which grades, I'll say multiple and in a private school. :001_smile: I don't consider that even a white lie. (I *HATE* liars!)

 

Denise

[dangermom]

Wow. That is stunningly unprofessional behavior. I don't even know how to respond to that, except to call him on it (only I probably wouldn't be that brave).

 

I've never run into such a reaction IRL; in this city it's still a fairly common thing to do.

[Pink Fairy]

:grouphug: Oh my goodness--you seem to have had some really bad luck with doctors. I've never had anyone suggest that being at home means I'm not working. Are they crazy?!

 

If you are confident and strong when you say you are a full-time, homeschooling mom, they would probably think twice before saying something so completely ridiculous. Show them how proud you are of what you do, and don't take any crap about it!

[sassenach]

I've never, ever had anything like that happen to me. That said, I don't deal with "big people" doctors a whole lot. I see pediatric doctors with my ds on an almost weekly basis and being a sahm is definitely valued by them. So sorry!

[Guest janainaz]

Yes, by family members including my father. When he heard years ago that I was planning to homeschool, he was very against it. He was against me staying home. I've gotten flack from all kinds of people over the years for it. Over the last couple years, my father has done nothing but compliment my dh and I as parents. As for other family members, because their lifestyles are contrary to ours, they think we are complete idiots.

[swellmomma]

From doctors no, from other women YES, nothing like the mommy wars to get your hackles up. I have had dr's particularily the kids ped and shrink, telling me in teh past that homeschooling would damage the kids. I told them where to shove that opinion and they never commented negatively about it again, their ped recently apologized and said he stands corrected, the kids have changed so much for the better. My dr told me not to even consider a job outside the house until my kids were grown because my health deteriorates so much when I work out of the home, mostly due to stress and guilt.

[asta]

Dont. Get. Me. Started.

 

(and women are WAY worse about it than men, who are positively awful...)

 

 

asta

[Sophia]

I've never been treated like that by doctors and would be outraged if that ever happened.

I do usually bring a list of questions with me to doc visits, so I wonder if the difference is they know they don't have a passive patient? Not saying you are, but I just find it incredible they would be so dismissive based on your sahm status.

As far as being criticized by others...hasn't happened since we initially announced to dh's family we were planning to homeschool 9 years ago.

I think they have since given up ;).

[RoughCollie]

Two months after I had double cardiac bypass surgery, I was sick again with the same symptoms I had before.

 

I went to the ER three times in one week. The third time, they admitted me and did a stress test (treadmill). Afterward, the cardiologist told me that I did not have any heart problems. He said my symptoms were caused by the stress of homeschooling and being a SAHM.

 

The next day, I was admitted to the E.R. at another hospital in Boston where I languished for 18 hours. I called the nurse and said I was pulling my IV out and going to a rival hospital in another town (connected to a different medical school), unless I had a cardiac catheterization immediately. I think I worked the fact that I am an attorney into my edict, too. Something along the lines of, "I am an attorney, I know the law, and you cannot prevent me from leaving."

 

Hop, hop, hop. Within that span of time, a real cardiologist showed up. I told him no more b.s. about homeschooling and being a SAHM. This was my life and I was about to die.

 

Immediately I had the cardiac cath: 2 stents and 1 balloon angioplasty later, I went home.

 

No heart problems, honey -- just stress from homeschooling and being a SAHM of (gasp) *4* kids. Yeah, where did these men get their medical degrees? From Crackerjack boxes? No. From Harvard Medical School!

 

RC

Edited October 22, 2008 by RoughCollie

[Rosy]

In my world it's much more subtle. The passive-aggressive "good for you for staying home, I could NEVER do that" type comments, or the stilted conversations at parties because I couldn't possibly have anything to talk about other than my kids.

 

Denise, I hope you're able to get the medical help you need. Demand it--you are worth it!

[Danestress]

I've felt judged for being a SAHM, and when I was a working mother, I got judged just as badly. People have strong opinions about how women/mothers ought to usse their time. There are many people who are just flat ugly about a mother deciding to work, and there are ignorant people who think that women who stay home are lazy. Whatever.

[LNC]

I think <some> male doctors are mysoginists. I've heard horror stories from friends in my church with ailments that defy a diagnosis. I myself was diagnosed with Myasthenia Gravis while still a college student. Throughout my 20's and 30's I went to primary care drs and neuros for additional symptoms that didn't quite fit the MG diagnosis. They were puzzled and I could tell by their demeanor (and one dr's notes!) that some thought I was an overwhelmed, stay at home mom.

 

Well, when I lost the ability to WALK a 18 months ago, I was hospitalized for two weeks. MRI's showed I had long standing Multiple Sclerosis. Who knew you could have both MG and MS?!!

 

I don't really blame anyone - but I do think female doctors are a wonderful blessing and very needed in the medical community! I now go to a major teaching hospital. When I told the elderly male director of the MS center my occupation was a stay at home homeschool teacher :), I braced for the reaction. He went on a tirade about how he regrets homeschooling wasn't popular when his children were young and how it is by far the best educational choice. He always asks me about our homeschooling first thing! Love him!

[Denisemomof4]

LNC,

 

I felt this was my diagnosis, especially when I had symptoms for months at a time, followed by normal living, followed by symptoms again 2 years later. It's called relapsing and remitting MS, but you probably already knew that.

 

I did research online and changed my diet. I forget the man's name, but this man has a website and he is symptom free from his ms, yet he was confined to a wheelchair at one time. It's basically the hunter/gatherer diet and I try to limit saturated fat to less than 15 mg daily. Please do your research.

 

I'm going to send you a PM now as I think you can really help yourself!

Denise

 

ps - that bee sting therapy, the one with the wasp in my pj's, didn't help me. :D

[Scarlett]

My MIL acts if I am some sort of freeloader because I am a SAHM. :confused: Crazy woman. No really---I think she is crazy. But I digress.

 

The only reaction I EVER get from normal people is that they are glad they stay at home with their kids or they wish they could stay at home (if they are working).

[LNC]

Thanks for the tips!

 

I'm on the super low saturated fat MS diet, no processed foods etc. I take all the supplements, and the interferon shots. I have pt regularly. I have basically left no stoned unturned! Everyone has a different outcome no matter what we try though - God is in control thankfully!

[Happy]

When asked what you do, do you ever counter with a concerned, 'why do you ask?' before answering. Are they looking for exposure to toxic chemicals, etc.? That gives them a chance to express their thoughts first.

 

When dismissed like this, do you counter with 'why do you think that' type questions? Do you find many stay at home moms coming into your office with these symptoms and do the symptoms eventually go away? Do you find many women googling symptoms between social engagements?

 

At least get them to think about their reactions. Or are the idiots getting away with this??????

 

A formal letter of complaint needs to be sent to each doctor's office. They need to understand you don't appreciate their attitudes toward your job. *Every* mom is a working mom.

 

If they diss you, I wonder how they react to the guy hauling trash for a living. More respect or less? In other words are they equal opportunity, clueless, over educated people?

 

Being a stay at home mom is one of the most important jobs on our planet. We need to expect respect where we go.

 

Boy, this really chaps my hiney.

[Philothea]

People do get jealous. Or they say "Oh that is so great that you can do that." Sometimes they mean it, other times they are just patronzing you.

 

My dad has never bothered me or commented. I think he wanted me to go to college but he is so happy that he has grandkids.

 

I do go to college and I am almost done actually.

 

Granny thinks mother should be at home, so no problem there.

 

Usually the biggest problem is from middle-aged women who are still in the workforce. My mother and sister both accused me of doing nothing all day and telling me to get a real job. But then my mom says it is so great that I am at home etc.

[Alenee]

I've had a mixture of both but moreso when they hear I homeschool. I became friends with one of the girl's mom from my dd's soccer team. I can't remember how it came into conversation. We were all talking about Thanksgiving approaching and I said something about making pies. This poor mom! She turned to me and said, "You MAKE your own pies?" to which I replied, "Of course I do!" She mocked me saying, "Ohh, of course I do..." The poor thing works so hard at her job outside the home and I think occasionally she gets jealous that I do so much with and for my family. I try to avoid talking about my baking skills whenever possible now. ;)

 

I also think to some degree my sister thinks I should work. She's young, has her career, allbeit working on campaigns, and has told me before that I have no "interests". Okay. She does however ask me questions like, "So how do you live on only one income." or when I'm making the holiday dinner, she hangs over my shoulder wondering where in the world I learned how to do all the cooking/baking.

 

In both of these situations I think it's more envy that drives the attitude than anything. I feel bad for both my sis and friend because I've seen it in their eyes. They want to be able to stay home but they've allowed their lifestyles to cost too much.

[ThelmaLou]

Regarding the numbness, have you considered whether the paint had anything to do with it? It's not unheard of for people to have reactions to paints, thinners, and spray paints that result in numbness in the extremeties.

 

This actually happened to me several years ago. I saw a couple of neurologists, and they were even talking about the possibility of MS. The first time I felt the numbness was about half an hour after I had been using spray paint. The numbness came on quickly, but I made no connection at the time. After a few days, it went away, but I was already visiting doctors by then.

 

The next time it happened was about a month later. Once again, I was using spray paint. That time it was almost immediate, and the numbness went up and down both hands and arms and into my neck and face. I did some hunting around online (I know, I know!) and found multiple reports of the same thing.

 

Also, I've had heart palpitations, a racing heart, and shortness of breath from food allergens. Wheat triggered palpitations during my last pregnancy. It took me a long time to figure it out, but when I elminated wheat, I stopped having problems altogether. I did go to a cardiologist in the meantime, thinking I should get everything checked out. They couldn't find a problem, so I turned to my diet. (My mil told me that it was stress and suggested that I was having panic attacks. I know myself better than that. Besides, the first time it happened I was enjoying a pedicure and reading a good book. Hardly a stressful situation. I'm not the panic attack type.)

 

I would still encourage you to follow up with a doctor on these issues, because it could always be something more serious. But I wouldn't rule out sensitivities to chemicals/foods as sources of some of your symptoms.

Edited October 22, 2008 by ThelmaLou
edit

[Remudamom]

You should have reamed those doctors up one side and down the other. And told them you were going to sue their @$$e$ if you wound up dead. (that would take some doing, but if you're mad enough when you tell them that they might believe you.)

 

While I was growing up mothers stayed home with the kids. The husband was supposed to be able to provide for her to do this. It was more of an embarrasment if the mother had to work. In our circle this included a maid, possibly a cook. Yard man. Wives were to be home when kids came home from school, and supervise the house, and stay in the correct social position.

 

I stay home with the kids because kids need a mom at home. I stay home because I don't want to work. And I'll go head to head with any high heel wearing, high powered female exec to see who's happier, more fulfilled and whose kids are better adjusted.

 

FWIW, my dh says I do so much around here that we couldn't afford for me to work. And I bet that's true for most all two parent homes.

[Elaine]

I am pretty sure I have told this story before but, here goes. A few years ago, I had some men at my house doing some work. One of the men asked me what I did for a living. He said, "You look like the kind of woman who has a career."

 

I thought for a minute before answering him. How could I possibly sum up all of the things that I do? So I finally said, "Nothing. I don't do anything.":001_smile: Because I knew that' what he was thinking anyway.

 

It doesn't really bother me, people are going to think what they think regardless of me arguing my point.

 

 

I am sorry that the doctor was so rude to you.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I get a little apprehension from people sometimes, but once they realize I'm not a militant SAHM who thinks they are ruining their kids somehow, or my way is in some way superior, or my kid is going to turn out better than their kid, I don't have many problems.

 

A few of my friends (both SAH and working women) thought I was NUTS for homeschooling, but it's just because they thought I would be miserable at home. Truth be told, I thought I might be miserable too, but it turns out I'm not, and my friends who were worried about me being miserable are happy because I'm happy.

[klmama]

Do they realize you homeschool? When doctors have asked me what I do, I tell them I'm a home educator. They always raise their eyebrows and tell me it's a very stressful job and I need to be sure to take good care of myself. Maybe it's just because there are so many homeschoolers in my area that they've seen it all.

 

Please don't let the your most recent doctor's ignorance and rudeness keep you from that stress test you need. Your children need their mom to be there for them, and having a heart attack can make that iffy!

[PariSarah]

I have never experienced such behavior from a doctor!

 

Yeah, there were a few people here and there, when I wasn't working in Paris, that had a funny attitude. But that bothered me about as much as it bothers me to hear that there are people out there who don't like handknit socks with Birks. And . . . ???

 

Wow. I am just speechless.

 

Well, okay, no I'm not. Chickadee, you need to practice your Take Me Seriously 'tude. You need to believe in yourself enough to make other people take you seriously. You need to make doctors afraid of not taking your complaints seriously. Goodness gracious, haven't they ever heard of malpractice???

 

Just practice that sentence, actually: "Good lord, Dr. Harda$$, you act like somebody that's never heard of malpractice. You're gonna get an education right quick, though, if you don't give me a proper diagnosis."

[Kanga]

It took me years to get diagnosed with Hashimoto's because doctors would dismiss my symptoms when they found out I was a SAHM. My dh knew something was really wrong so he decided to go with me, the doc immediately figured out what was wrong when my dh listed my symptoms.:confused::confused::confused:

[Jean in Newcastle]

I tell people that I'm a teacher. When asked where I teach, I tell them that I teach my children.

 

I did have one doctor tell me that I'm stunted as a person because I don't have time to do things other than be a homeschool mom/wife/housekeeper. I laughed.

 

I am quite often stereotyped as the "homeschool mom" esp. in our neighborhood. I've thought of stealing from Natalieclaire's signature and telling them that "I'm also a mystery loving, Christ following, soprano singing, ethnic food making . . . mom."

[Happy]

Chickadee, you need to practice your Take Me Seriously 'tude. You need to believe in yourself enough to make other people take you seriously. You need to make doctors afraid of not taking your complaints seriously. Goodness gracious, haven't they ever heard of malpractice???

 

 

LOL, I'm tucking the phrase Take Me Seriously 'tude in my memory right next to Remudamom telling me to dab some rum behind my ears and threaten to go pirate on them prior to a difficult conversation.

 

Attitude makes all the difference.

[OH_Homeschooler]

My MIL acts if I am some sort of freeloader because I am a SAHM. :confused: Crazy woman. No really---I think she is crazy. But I digress.

 

The only reaction I EVER get from normal people is that they are glad they stay at home with their kids or they wish they could stay at home (if they are working).

 

See, I worked before I decided to homeschool and my MIL thought I was so evil and selfish not to stay home. I guess it might really depend on where you live, because I get more positive reactions from most people now that I stay home as compared to when I worked outside the home!

[Pammy]

during school hours, I always get "the look". I decided to schedule my appts. around my dh's work schedule so I don't have to deal with all that. I used to let it roll of my back, but when I started dealing with really scary health concerns, I just couldn't take the cr*p. My mouth has gotten me into a lot of trouble before in a Dr. office, including getting kicked out of a practice.

 

Since I also work from home, I don't feel that I have to lie by saying I am a teacher. It justs saves me time in answering nosey people's questions.

[momof165]

I was a pharmacist before I became a SAHM and I have heard it all. The most hurtful was that I was "damaging" my dd because I was showing her that motherhood = wasted education. My sister gave me that nugget of wisdom.

 

On the subject of doctors, I have been offered all kinds of anxiety and depression meds when they find out I homeschool. I have never even said I was depressed and they start offered pills to "help me out."

 

Women usually are much worse than men. One memorable quote from one woman with four children, " I can't stay home. I have to work or I would have to let my nanny go!"

 

I have had to develop very thick skin.

 

:iagree:I have a college education as well (worked in the medical field for many years before) and more than once I heard this: - how can you waste your money and your potential. I was told to get a life, to help contribute to society, what about women movements, and on and on.....

 

I have had to develop very thick skin as well.

 

Sonja

__________________________________________________

Homeschooling "JUST ONE" - ds 9

[rockermom]

Until 3 weeks ago, I was a WAHM. My family was constantly telling me that I should "get a job". They seemed to think I was lazy because I didn't have a 9-5 job. I couldn't seem to make them understand that it would cost more for child care, a second car, insurance on said car, gas, work wardrobe, etc. than it was worth.

 

My circumstances have now changed and I will have to work outside of the home until we find another alternative or DH finds a career that pays enough for me to be a SAHM.

 

I'm sorry for those of you who have been looked down upon for your ability to do the very thing I wish I could do. I'm not militant, by any means, but since my son was born I've wanted to stay with him through every stage. I hope I will be able to again.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

...since my son was born I've wanted to stay with him through every stage. I hope I will be able to again.

 

I hope the same thing for you. :grouphug:

[Rosie_0801]

Only by people who don't know what they are talking about. It surprises me how much people who *have* children don't know about them. This applies to fathers and father in laws in particular, it seems. I rather resent getting lectured on childraising theory by my father in law. While going out to work to support his family was a worthy thing to do, he hasn't spent anywhere near as much time with a toddler as I have, and doesn't know what he's on about! He even went on to say that all good parents stress too much over their children. Now I don't stress a whole lot over mine. Whaddaya think he was getting at? Hmm.

Pox on 'em, I say. Pox on arrogant medical professionals too!

:)

Rosie

[CactusPair]

Denise, please still follow up with another dr. and get an MRI!

 

I am very concerned for you based on the description of your symptoms.

 

I have MS, too. It is very important to use the MS meds. as well as follow the diet to prevent silent progression & relapses and slow the progression of disability.

 

Please go and *insist* on a brain MRI!

[Murphy101]

FWIW, my dh says I do so much around here that we couldn't afford for me to work. And I bet that's true for most all two parent homes.

 

Absolutely! my dh sees people all the time where he works having to risk loosing their job to stay home with a sick kid or to get to other appts before 5 pm or to meet the furnace guy at the house and such.

 

The most hurtful was that I was "damaging" my dd because I was showing her that motherhood = wasted education. My sister gave me that nugget of wisdom.

 

uh-huh. b/c you know only uneducated people should be taking care of our children all day while mom goes to work? talk about a stupid thing to say.

 

I took several college courses for a social science degree that happened to over-lap with courses for general education degrees.

 

You have no idea how often these peopel who were going to be elementary teachers would say in shock, "You homeschool 5 kids?! I could never stay home and do that - I'd go nuts!"

 

I always responded with: "Um you do know what you'll be doing if you get a job in this degree field right? Teaching 20+ of other people's elementary kids all the same age?"

 

them: "well that's different!"

 

me: "um. yeah... ":001_huh:

 

On the subject of doctors, I have been offered all kinds of anxiety and depression meds when they find out I homeschool. I have never even said I was depressed and they start offered pills to "help me out."

 

I had one dr do that back when I only had 3 under 4 yr old. I came in all happy go lucky full of new mommy bliss over the birth of our 3rd awesome baby. kwim? Those early weeks when you're just so fullof joy over that baby you want to hold them up to the world all Lion King style?:D

 

So I'm all happy and we're talking about how healthy he is and joking about how it is NOT gas - he really is smiling. And the older brothers are yammering away about how he used to be in mommy's tummy but now he's out and they thought he'd be more fun to play with, but all he does is eat and sleep.:D

 

And the GP is talking about immunizations and just causually says, "Oh and don't forget to get your anti-depression meds filled. I added the rx to your new mom information packet."

 

me stunned: "Uh wa? I'm not depressed?"

 

her: "well you may not think you are, but obviously a new mother home with 3 little boy under 4yrs old has got to be depressed and not taking care of herself."

 

me: "um. I'm not depressed. I'm thrilled to have my boys and I think it's rather scary that you are dosing patients with psychotropic drugs without any medical reason other than your personal opinion that they shouldn't have several children close in age."

 

my dh said the same thing and she said, "Oh you're one of those couple who thinks the husband leads the home and has final say right?"

 

um no, not at all really. we tend to make nearly all decisions together

dh didn't know whether to laugh at the notion of him having control of the house, much less me, or be ticked that she'd think he was some kind of wife abusing jerk forcing himself on his wife.:glare:

Edited October 23, 2008 by Martha

[iquilt]

Yes, I used to apologize to people when they thought I was wasting my time. Now I'm so proud to be home with my kids and dh is so proud to be able to tell his clients that I stay home and school our children that I do not let it bother me anymore. I try to always remember how lucky we are to have a stay at home parent who can handle EVERYTHING, including emergencies and changes in plans. I do not apologize anymore.

[Medieval Mom]

Yes, yes, yes! I have to deal with this stigma almost every week. It's really, really annoying! It was bad enough when I was "only a SAHM". But now that we're homeschooling, I've had so many negative articles, newspaper clippings, emails, blah, blah, blah sent to me. Argh! Can't we just live our lives in peace???? (I certainly don't send out pamphlets and negative articles about public schools to people choosing that option! Why should they feel compelled to do so for me?) And why, might I ask, is being a SAHM an invitation for comment, snobbery, or being rudely ignored?:confused:

Edited October 23, 2008 by Medieval Mom

[Sherri in MI]

needed anti-depressants! I had several visits with different doctors with a list of complaints, once they knew I was a SAHM, they wouldn't even look at my other symptoms, they would just say, "let's try antidepressants first." I had several friends who went to a drs. in the same health plan with tiredness and other symptoms and got the same "diagnosis" in less than a minute. No further conversation, no exam, no tests. It takes longer than 30 seconds to diagnose depression AND counseling should be recommended along with medication. They just assumed if you're a SAHM you must be depressed. Now I understand that some of this comes from the statistic that homemakers have one of the highest incidents of depressions (right up there with pastors), but I think this may have created some sort of bias, to the point where it's a knee-jerk reaction.

 

I'm afraid I didnt' speak up enough at the time, but I would now.

 

Blessings,

Sherri

[Vida Winter]

I've felt judged for being a SAHM, and when I was a working mother, I got judged just as badly. People have strong opinions about how women/mothers ought to usse their time. There are many people who are just flat ugly about a mother deciding to work, and there are ignorant people who think that women who stay home are lazy. Whatever.

 

:iagree:

 

****ed if you do, ****ed if you don't. You can't please everyone. But do stand up for your medical rights. Go ahead and say you are a teacher (you ARE). And assert yourself.

 

~Dana

[Julpost]

How interesting. Years and years ago, I went to my primary physician w/chest pains. He put me on beta blockers and an antidepressant. The husband of a friend of mine was a doctor and I remember him being surprised saying that I was the last person who needed an antidepressant. I felt the same way but tried it anyway. It was awful, for 2 days I felt like a stranger in my own body...I was almost dangerous. I remember laying on the couch unable to do anything. We went out to dinner and I felt an almost uncontrollable rage at my dc for....well, being kids. I just had an unbelievable lack of ability to deal w/anything. I could have hurt somebody, I felt such rage. I wanted to put my fist through the window at one point. It was insanity. I stopped taking them, not surprisingly, and felt like a normal person again. I know that you're not supposed to feel any effects for several weeks after beginning them but, in my case, I had feelings that I had never had and have never had again. I guess my point is, at least in my case, I think it was very irresponsible for the doctor to put me on such meds and assume I had some sort of anxiety issue for no other reason that I was a SAHM. I remember him really emphasizing that now....I just didn't know what to say at the time because I didn't get why he was only addressing that aspect of my life.

[sunshine]

This is kind of a spin off from the thread about whether or not you consider hsing your full time job.

 

When I was 33 I went to the doctor and told him I felt dizzy and felt what seemed to be tremors in my brain. I knew it sounded weird, but that's what I was feeling! I also told him of my palpitations. Know what he asked me? "Do you work for a living?" to which I replied, "No, I'm a SAHM." He became rude and said, "Well, maybe you should go out and get a job and stop dreaming of things that may be wrong with you." I never saw him again, but I did walk out of the office with a prescription for high blood pressure meds and have been on them for 12 years now. My bp was THROUGH THE ROOF! It may be the silent killer but it wasn't for me, and I wasn't even overweight!

 

Fast forward several years. I had issues 6 years ago where my hands and arms went numb. I remember not being able to speak on the phone because I couldn't hold it, I was dropping paint brushes while trying to pain the house, and I felt a sensation of "electric bolts" running down my arms. I went to my dr, who sent me to a neurologist. Same thing. He asked what I did for a living and when I told him I was a SAHM, his attitude immediately changed. He told me I was completely fine. Never mind about the time a wasp flew into my pajama bottoms when I went through the woods to deliver a cup of coffee to my husband. I felt SOMETHING but didn't know what it was. When I got back to the house and took my pj's off, the wasp flew out and I had 9 welts on my legs. I felt nothing. I've been told by three doctors now that I have some nerve issue. that's it. (don't even get me started on my opinion of the medical community! I just have NOT had good experiences!)

 

Then my dr. sent me to a cardiologist because of my palpitations again. Since my father was one of FOUR men who had their first heart attack at age 27, the others died, he wanted to make sure nothing was wrong. Once the cardiologist found out I was a SAHM,his attitude, too, changed. I never went in for my stress test. I just can't do it again.

 

All this long and rambling business to ask, has something similar happened to you? AND, what do you think of saying you're a teacher when someone asks? I've been pondering this for over a year now. That's what I think I'm going to do now. If they ask which grades, I'll say multiple and in a private school. :001_smile: I don't consider that even a white lie. (I *HATE* liars!)

 

Denise

 

 

I would write a description of each visit and send it to the Medical Board. You must report that behavior. Include all your symptoms. I am going to grow horns and scream at someone if I read on this board you have had a heart attack or something worse and you were too intimidated to go get a check up. Search for a doctor until you find one that will listen. And lodge a complaint on each one that treats you like that. Discrimination is what I say!!

[Amy in Orlando]

I've never been treated this way by one of MY doctors, but have by some of my kids' doctors. I always find a new doctor.

 

I agree with the others who have felt judged by other women, though. I think we women are hard on each other and that it is self-defeating.

[anissarobert]

I don't know if it was because I was a SAHM, but I did have a Dr. try to put me on anti-depressant meds for symptoms of pelvic prolapse.

 

Funny how my "depression" went away when I had surgery soon after that.

 

I would find a new Dr!

 

I have not had many problems with comments about being a SAHM from people in general, but I do hate filling out surveys that ask for occupation. I am not just a "homemaker" and I am certainly not a "full time domestic worker" as a survey the other day phrased it. I think I am going to borrow the idea from this thread and just say teacher from now on.

[Zelda]

Wow. I've been put down before but NOTHING like that. Awful.

 

I have a neighbor who owns a small business and has kids and she's always doing stuff with them on the fly and asking us to do stuff at the last minute. I finally said, "I'd like to do these things with you but I've never been very good at switching gears quickly. I'm just not very spontaneous." She said that was because I had the luxury of being organized because I have all day to do it.

 

:mad:

 

I let it go but it irked...oh, yes. Its irked.

[Denisemomof4]

Denise, please still follow up with another dr. and get an MRI!

 

I am very concerned for you based on the description of your symptoms.

 

I have MS, too. It is very important to use the MS meds. as well as follow the diet to prevent silent progression & relapses and slow the progression of disability.

 

Please go and *insist* on a brain MRI!

 

Well, I've had 3 MRI's now and two different neurologists, and they tell me nothing is wrong. I'm thrilled to report that it will be FIVE YEARS IN February since I had the real bad symptoms. I think my diet alone has made a huge difference. I still don't feel like I should, like if I burn myself I can feel it initially and then feel nothing usually after the first few seconds, got a "painful" shot and felt nothing, etc. I don't know what else to do. I seem to cart my daughter and I around to doctors and they don't know what to do with us. I'm happy that I'm not having the worst of symptoms because my second occurrence left me with numbness in my feet and legs, too. Thankfully that only happened once.

 

I'll have to go to the dr. if my symptoms start up again, but from what I've read from someone who healed themself, the first step would to go to a STRICT hunter/gatherer diet. Not easy but worth it.

 

Denise

[Medieval Mom]

 

I'll have to go to the dr. if my symptoms start up again, but from what I've read from someone who healed themself, the first step would to go to a STRICT hunter/gatherer diet. Not easy but worth it.

Is this Ray from Neaderthin? I've read the book! Since I'm gluten intolerant (but not celiac), this is probably the way I should eat most of the time. I was doing well with it up until this pregnancy (I'm 8 mos. now). I'm eating quite a few gluten-free pretzels and dairy and such now:tongue_smilie:! I aim to go back to this lifestyle *most* of the time (eating quite a bit of fruit-- I just can't eat that much protein) in the New Year. Good luck to you! Edited October 23, 2008 by Medieval Mom

[lynn]

Not looked down on but probably more envied. I have several friends that always had to work and did not get to be sahm as long as I have.