Is this annoying? Or was I annoying?

[Ginevra]

Unimportant social niceties question. This is not a JAWM; I actually want to know, but also, don't imagine I was highly offended or anything. I was mildly annoyed.

 

So, Thursday where I live was what a lot of people categorize as really unpleasantly cold weather for the area. It was less than 20F and very blustery wind. The city was on a low-temp alert, where they advise people not to be out for long and/or to be exceedingly bundled up. The windchill was below zero I think.

 

I walk into my hair salon. As I enter, one of the hair dressers is sweeping the debris that keeps flying in the foyer whenever the door opens. She said, "How are you?" And I said something very typical for the cold like, "just coming in here to thaw out, lol!" So, I don't know, maybe she's part penguin or something, but she launches into what I thought was a fairly haughty speech about how it's not THAT cold, she calls it refreshing, she's a hiker and this is when she hikes because it's uncrowded, etc. Leaving me to grasp for some common ground, so I say, "Well, yeah, there is colder weather but it's that wind that I find hard to accept!" So, she agrees that "Nobody likes the wind," but yeah, still pretty insistant that it's not that cold and this weather is so much better than the sweaty summertime in Maryland.

 

Luckily, my own hair dresser came and rescued me from this awkward and annoying conversation, so it died a natural death. But it kinda makes me wonder about social norms and what is the best response to weather-related casual communication. Is there any point in disagreeing with a casual remark about the weather? If you adore freezing your knuckles off, do you feel the need to report this to virtual strangers rather than smile and nod and say, "Yep, it's a windy one out there today!"

 

Does weather commentary come under the general heading of Things You Don't Need to Give Your Honest Opinion On?

[marbel]

Maybe she was tired of people coming in complaining of the cold.

 

I don't know.  I like cold weather.  If someone made a casual negative remark about it, I'd probably say something like "ah, I like it this way, but I'll be miserable in August."  And then... that would be it.

 

If anyone was out of line it was the hairdresser, because you are a customer in her place of business and she should always be polite to customers. That doesn't mean she has to agree, but should be nice about it.   I don't think weather is a Taboo Subject (or shouldn't be) but people can be nice and not insist that their favorite weather is the BEST weather, kwim?

[Chris in VA]

Eh, I'm not one to ask, really, since my aspie-ness makes these niceties more obtuse, but I'd say sometimes people want to respond in a different way than is typical small-talk bs, so they throw an opinion in and it shakes things up a bit. 

 

No worries.

 

Annoyed is a fine response. I don't think I'd be, but I can't hear her tone, either. 

 

It's just banter, I think. I don't find her out of line, though. 

[maize]

Social norm would have been for her to just respond to your comment with some sort of agreement; a short comment about how she actually liked this weather could also be appropriate, but expounding at length on that is a bit awkward.

 

I'm also guessing that she was getting a bit tired of every single person who came in commenting on the cold though :)

[Pawz4me]

I think some people feel an overwhelming need to be right about everything. It's totally annoying most of the time, but especially when it's a matter about which there is no clear right or wrong. And the weather is something that seems to lead to a certain amount of . . .. arrogance? Or maybe pride is the better word. Feelings of superiority in what one is used to and capable of dealing with (whether that be heat, cold, snow, rain, whatever) compared to how someone else deals with it.

Edited December 17, 2016 by Pawz4me

[regentrude]

Like pp, I guess she was simply tired of people coming in all.day.long and complaining about the cold.

 

I know the feeling when you're so fed up that you want to argue just for arguing's sake. She may have had that conversation a dozen times and smiled and nodded - and you were the customer when she just snapped.

Edited December 17, 2016 by regentrude

[Guest]

Social norm would have been for her to just respond to your comment with some sort of agreement; a short comment about how she actually liked this weather could also be appropriate, but expounding at length on that is a bit awkward.

 

I'm also guessing that she was getting a bit tired of every single person who came in commenting on the cold though :)

Yeah, I imagine that was a factor.

 

I know a young lady who worked at the local creamery where you can buy really delicious local ice cream. One time, when it was super freezing cold, she made a post on FB that went something like this,

 

Customer: "oh, lol, we're the crazy prople who buy ice cream when it's ten degrees, lol!" Server: "oh, haHaHa, I haven't heard that fifty times today already."

(Of course, I doubt she said this to the customers. She was just sick of hearing this same remark.)

[teachermom2834]

At certain times of the month my tolerance for complaining and negativity is zero. Less than zero. Of course, that is my problem , not that of the person just chit chatting.

 

Although I would never engage with a non family member in such a way I did spend a few days last month arguing with my children and husband about the weather. We live in the south and they had to wear hoodies to go to an outside event and they whined about how cold it was. I might have lost my chill a bit.

 

But while neither person was rude in your scenario I would say they hairdresser gave off a negative vibe and there are days that gets all over me. So it is okay you were annoyed :)

[JustEm]

I hate people's comments about the weather. They are often complaining about it in one form or another unless it is that magical perfect day. it's too cold, to set, too windy, too humid, too sunny, etc. It gets old as casual conversation because I rarely agree with them, Mainly because they are never dressed appropriately for the actual weather. So I have no problem disagreeing with them with a quick response like, " this is perfect hiking weather since it's not crowded." (I wouldn't go into a speech like you mention. And after my response I'd expect the conversation to be over unless someone really wanted to talk about the weather

[zoobie]

It's all in the delivery. Offering a differing opinion in a conversational tone? No problem. Lecturing/ranting to prove a point? Off putting, especially to a customer.

[Annie G]

I think hairdressers talk about the same things all day long, so while it's not super exciting, I just figured they do it automatically and barely listen to responses. I mean, they feel compelled to talk to me the whole time they're doing my hair and every time it's the same stuff. They talk about the weather, what my plans are for the next couple of days, and how my job is going.  I see a couple of different stylists at the same salon and they both talk to me about the same stuff so I figured they do the same with everyone.  (Well,  probably not everyone- they do it with me because I'm introverted enough that without them starting conversation I would just happily sit there in silence)

 

But in any case, your girl could have responded that she prefers cold weather to hot, and thrown in the hiking comment without trying to negate your 'it's cold' comment.   It's ok to like cold weather...but why argue with a paying client over whether it's actually cold or not??

 

 

 

 

 

 

[mellifera33]

Yeah, she was annoying. If she wanted to disagree, the correct "small talk" way to do it would be to joke about it. "I must be part polar bear, because I love it!" Then you could both chuckle and the interaction would be over.

[KrissiK]

I think she was being annoying. Remarks about the weather are generally classified as small talk - safe, non-controversial topics of conversation. Thus, when one engages in talk about the weather, one needs to abide by those rules and even though it may be appropriate to give one's own opinion and/or preferences, it is preferable that one does it vaguely and cheerfully.

[stephanier.1765]

While I can understand the hairdresser being annoyed, don't be annoyed with me. I just walked in the door.

 

I think you had every right to be slightly annoyed. I would have been too.

[PrincessMommy]

I'd be annoyed too.   I think Pawz4me is right.  there will always be people who need to feel superior about their tolerance for weather.   She's in a service industry where treating the customer with respect and kindness (and a bit of distance regarding personal stuff) is sort of important, so her judgy attitude would have caught me off guard.   A more appropriate response would have been a friendly, "Sorry it's so hard on you, but I love it when it's this cold!"  and then move on to something else.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

I would have just taken it as making conversation even if it came off as kinda argumentative.  I wouldn't have read too deeply into it.

But you are kinda being a baby because around here that wouldn't be too cold. 

 

(totally kidding about you being a baby...)

 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

I think she was annoying when she argued with you that it wasn't THAT cold. Yes, it was cold by your standards. (She'd be chocked by mine.)  She may love it but having an argumentative tone about it was annoying.  It's perfectly fine for her to say, "Oh, I love this weather-it suits me. I like hiking this time of year when the crowds are gone.  I don't like the muggy summers. "

[gaillardia]

She was annoying, you were annoyed. 

She wants to say, "Suck it up, Buttercup. I'm from North Dakota."

 

I wonder where she hikes in this weather. Catoctin? Skyline Drive? Or she goes out west where the humidity is lower and therefore, they say, it doesn't feel as cold.

Maybe she wanted to talk about hiking instead. I probably would have started talking about hiking. 

True, she's supposed to be welcoming the clients and helping them to feel comfortable, not putting them off. 

Better luck next time, Quill.

[DawnM]

wow, that was rude of her to say.

 

You were not annoying.  Weather is something you comment on.....we do everyday at work.  It just is.

 

I hate the heat.  I know many here who don't.  We often discuss and I let them know that they are wrong and I am right!  HAHAHA!~   It is all in jest and only with those who I really know well.  I would never say anything about it to a stranger.

[Bluegoat]

Maybe you were both annoying - often that's the case, I think, people annoy each other.

 

I don't know if I'd have been annoyed, it would depend too much on tone.

 

But I will say, that while I understand people generally mean statements like that to be small talk, so long as it isn't getting personal I feel free to make real responses to those kinds of standard conversation openers.  I'm not going to tell someone about my piles when they ask how I am, but I might say what I really think about te weather.  I figure its a neutral enough topic it isn't going to cause offense or embarrassment if I do.

Edited December 17, 2016 by Bluegoat

[gardenmom5]

methinks she hadn't spent much time out in the windchill.

she could also be from an area where 20 degrees with a 0 degree windchill is balmy.

 

I live in an area where often people who come here from snowier areas make snotty comments about our snow, etc.  (despite it being icy snow becasue it is wet snow, and we have lots of hills and curves that can make for dangerous driving.)

[gardenmom5]

She was annoying, you were annoyed. 

She wants to say, "Suck it up, Buttercup. I'm from North Dakota."

 

I wonder where she hikes in this weather. Catoctin? Skyline Drive? Or she goes out west where the humidity is lower and therefore, they say, it doesn't feel as cold.

Maybe she wanted to talk about hiking instead. I probably would have started talking about hiking. 

True, she's supposed to be welcoming the clients and helping them to feel comfortable, not putting them off. 

Better luck next time, Quill.

 

difference in humidity really does change the perception of temps.   just like dry heat isn't as bad was high humidity heat.

[mellifera33]

 

 

I live in an area where often people who come here from snowier areas make snotty comments about our snow, etc.  (despite it being icy snow becasue it is wet snow, and we have lots of hills and curves that can make for dangerous driving.)

 

This drives me nuts. Yes, my city closes roads when it's icy--do you really think it's a good idea to start down a sheet of ice on a road with a 25% grade? 

[Charlie]

Sounds like someone needed a Snickers.

 

;-)

 

[Edit: I meant her, not you!]

Edited December 17, 2016 by Charlie

[gardenmom5]

This drives me nuts. Yes, my city closes roads when it's icy--do you really think it's a good idea to start down a sheet of ice on a road with a 25% grade? 

 

often they come from areas that are FLAT and have fairly dry snow.  they have no clue what icy snow is like on a hill.

[mellifera33]

often they come from areas that are FLAT and have fairly dry snow.  they have no clue what icy snow is like on a hill.

 

When I lived in Minnesota, a friend's mom would do a "brake check" when driving for the first time after a snow store--she got going about 30 mph then slammed on the brakes. Having grown up in the PNW, I was sure that she would end up in a ditch. But she slid a little bit, the snow squeaked, and the car stopped. Yeah, dry snow is much easier. 

[Guest]

I grew up in a much colder climate than where I live now.

 

I would consider the hairdresser's behaviour to be just plain rude.

 

Appropriate clothing also makes a huge difference. We don't own snowsuits or thermal underwear because it isn't worth the money for just a few days a year, therefore unusually cold weather hits us a lot worse than the same temperature and same windchill factor would have hit us in an area where it was normal.

 

That said, I don't think the weather is quite as safe a topic for small talk with random strangers as it used to be, what with different opinions about climate change.

Edited December 17, 2016 by Guest

[fraidycat]

I don't "adore freezing my knuckles off", but I don't adore feeling weak and nauseous, which is what heat does to me, or itchy and rashy, which is what sun does to me, either. So, it really does get old when EVERY person you speak to complains about the cold and "can't wait" for summer/heat to come. Rationally, one can reason that it's not their fault you feel like crap (or become a hermit) for a whole season, but emotionally sometimes it feels like everyone wants you to feel like sh!t, when weather is such a "small talk" constant. So I have been known to expound on the virtues of cold weather, myself. Normally, I just say I prefer winter to summer, but if you're the tenth person to say the same thing to me that day, you just might get the "expanded" version. ;)

 

And even worse? The ones who bitch about all kinds of weather. Pick one to hate and be consistent or "get off my lawn"! :D

 

In the scenario you described, both parties are equal opportunity annoyers. It's a draw.

Edited December 17, 2016 by fraidycat

[Guest]

This drives me nuts. Yes, my city closes roads when it's icy--do you really think it's a good idea to start down a sheet of ice on a road with a 25% grade?

To be fair, a lot of people keep assuming this about me it we get plenty of icy roads here and in other places I've driven. It's really not bad, it just takes some different driving behavior. I've been on roads three times in my life where they were truly impassable icy and nobody can do much there, even with chains you are quite limited. But those are rare. Most of what sends people into ditches (or into rear ending my husband, as was the case yesterday morning!!!!) is just idiotic driving behavior for the road conditions, not road conditions that are truly impassable.

 

Ice is tough too, because ice alone isn't so much an issue as when it gets a slight sheen of water on top of it. That's the recipe for deadly ice rink and sometimes the switch happens so quickly. Other times there can be ice but the road underneath isn't still frozen so the traction is greater. And ice on top of snow isn't a big deal, but snow on top of ice can be. Unfortunately my experience is that the drivers are the issue more than their individual road conditions - all it takes is a few bad drivers to ruin an entire stretch.

 

On the upside, my husband being rear ended didn't result in injury. He could see this idiot coming and was sure she couldn't stop as she was weaving, so he let his car roll forward and that greatly lessened the force of impact on his vehicle, so no neck injuries even as she ruined his trunk, bumper, and tail lights on the left side. It was slightly slippery out, but her behavior behind the wheel was inexcusably bad and entirely preventable. She just thought gaining on a few cars was more important than being safe and he got to be the object in her way. Can you tell I'm still FUMING?! And yes, this idiot is probably telling her friends and family it was the bad road conditions and I bet they believe it. But plenty of other people in the same kind of vehicle didn't slam into other people who were minding their own business and driving safely, just her.

 

 

Grrr!

[Guest]

:o

 

On the topic at hand -

 

She probably could have shrugged it off better, since the standard response to weather comments is commiseration and moving on.

Edited December 17, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[mellifera33]

 

Ice is tough too, because ice alone isn't so much an issue as when it gets a slight sheen of water on top of it. That's the recipe for deadly ice rink and sometimes the switch happens so quickly. Other times there can be ice but the road underneath isn't still frozen so the traction is greater. And ice on top of snow isn't a big deal, but snow on top of ice can be. Unfortunately my experience is that the drivers are the issue more than their individual road conditions - all it takes is a few bad drivers to ruin an entire stretch.

 

 

 

That's true--dry ice is fine. I drove on it all the time in Eastern WA. Here in Western WA, we never have a long enough cold stretch to have ice without water on top, so we get the ice rink roads. I'm glad that your dh is okay after his accident--how nerve wracking!

[Carol in Cal.]

She was rude and annoying.

And if she couldn't make small talk out of the answer to the classic small talk question, 'How are you?' then she should have made a small talk statement instead of the small talk question.  This is just basic manners.  

 

Small talk statements could include:

"How nice to see you!"

or just 

"Welcome!"

or

"Happy Holidays!"  (oh wait...)  :)

[MomsintheGarden]

Since I've met you in person, I am imagining the scenario involving you responding to her greeting with your usual nice tone of voice and friendly smile, so you weren't being grouchy and "complainy."  I believe she should have responded in kind.  She sounds like she is overly proud of how tolerant she is of the cold and wasn't being customer-friendly.  I would have found her attitude rather annoying.

 

[wintermom]

Sounds a little like you both were a little on edge. Sure, she said some things you weren't expecting from an employee at her place of business, but I don't know whether you needed to be "rescued" from her just for her weather comments.

Edited December 17, 2016 by wintermom

[MomsintheGarden]

Does the local creamery's name start with an "h"?  If so, I love that place!  They have the best ice cream cakes.

[Guest]

I haven't read the whole thread... I just wanted to pop in and say it's regional. I could not BELIEVE how often people commented on the weather in Cleveland, for example. Three days in to my first autumn there and I was liable to scream WGAFFFFFFF... Haha

 

Now I just see it as a charming regional tell. Moving a lot, I appreciate the easy chit chat. I even know ppl from sundry places who post their local weather on FB every day lol

 

I don't think you were rude by a long shot, Quill. I'd be aggrivated by a receptionist correcting my interpretation of the fracking weather.

[Guest]

.

Edited December 17, 2016 by OKBud

[gardenmom5]

To be fair, a lot of people keep assuming this about me it we get plenty of icy roads here and in other places I've driven. It's really not bad, it just takes some different driving behavior. I've been on roads three times in my life where they were truly impassable icy and nobody can do much there, even with chains you are quite limited. But those are rare. Most of what sends people into ditches (or into rear ending my husband, as was the case yesterday morning!!!!) is just idiotic driving behavior for the road conditions, not road conditions that are truly impassable.

 

Ice is tough too, because ice alone isn't so much an issue as when it gets a slight sheen of water on top of it. That's the recipe for deadly ice rink and sometimes the switch happens so quickly. Other times there can be ice but the road underneath isn't still frozen so the traction is greater. And ice on top of snow isn't a big deal, but snow on top of ice can be. Unfortunately my experience is that the drivers are the issue more than their individual road conditions - all it takes is a few bad drivers to ruin an entire stretch.

 

On the upside, my husband being rear ended didn't result in injury. He could see this idiot coming and was sure she couldn't stop as she was weaving, so he let his car roll forward and that greatly lessened the force of impact on his vehicle, so no neck injuries even as she ruined his trunk, bumper, and tail lights on the left side. It was slightly slippery out, but her behavior behind the wheel was inexcusably bad and entirely preventable. She just thought gaining on a few cars was more important than being safe and he got to be the object in her way. Can you tell I'm still FUMING?! And yes, this idiot is probably telling her friends and family it was the bad road conditions and I bet they believe it. But plenty of other people in the same kind of vehicle didn't slam into other people who were minding their own business and driving safely, just her.

 

 

Grrr!

 

there are certain hills were it is downright common here.   I do admit - those of us natives do get a certain satisfaction over those from snow areas who think "it's not a big deal" end up sliding down the hill - or into a ditch.

I've seen four wheel drives with chains slide.

[SKL]

It would not annoy me as a one-off thing.  If I had to live with someone who argued about every single thing, then yeah, that would get old.

 

As for that lady, doing a rather mundane job, she probably just felt a need to talk, and "yeah, I hear you" wasn't going to satisfy.  :P

 

Just the other day I was thinking about how cool it is that hairdressers are able to talk to anyone about anything while doing their hair.  It seems all of them are able to act interested in whatever is happening in my life, which is certainly a skill that not all of us have.  :P

[SKL]

And I tend to agree that cold weather is better than hot weather.  I hate being cold, but at least I can put on more layers.  Can't do much about being hot when I'm out & about.

[mellifera33]

there are certain hills were it is downright common here.   I do admit - those of us natives do get a certain satisfaction over those from snow areas who think "it's not a big deal" end up sliding down the hill - or into a ditch.

I've seen four wheel drives with chains slide.

 

I had a friend from Maine who scoffed at the people here who couldn't drive in the snow. Right up until he experienced his first WA snow, and tried to play knight in shining armor to a lady who couldn't drive up their steep hill--he got in her car, started it up, and promptly crashed into the ditch. Oops.  

[gardenmom5]

I had a friend from Maine who scoffed at the people here who couldn't drive in the snow. Right up until he experienced his first WA snow, and tried to play knight in shining armor to a lady who couldn't drive up their steep hill--he got in her car, started it up, and promptly crashed into the ditch. Oops.  

dds went to college on the east coast.  (they overlapped for one year).  during their flight home at christmas - they overhead a conversation between a man who had moved here from the east coast, and a woman who lived on the east coast.  "when it snows and they say the roads are bad - believe them."

 

I still get a chuckle out of lucy stoner's mom's experience.  they moved to seattle (queen anne hill) from the Midwest?.  she worked downtown  (for those not from here -they're close)  - and the boss let them go home around 1pm.  she thought "great, I can get all these errands done before the kids get home from school."

she got home around 6pm - without doing any errands.  she never mocked seattle snow again.

[trulycrabby]

I don't think you were rude at all. You just commented on the weather; the other lady should have smiled and passed the bean dip, but instead turned off her brain and started talking.

[IfIOnly]

I can see how that would be annoying to be told how you feel is invalid, frustrating. Sharing different thoughts sure, invalidating someone else is lame though.

 

People get pissy because I don't mind driving in the snow. It's fine if it's not your thing, totally understandable. But don't think I'm unsafe, haughty, or prideful because I'm okay with it. I was the only one I saw with chains on besides the garbage trucks when we had our big snowstorm early this week. I play it safe, keep plenty of room between me and other vehicles, drive annoyingly slow, and am agro defensively driving.

Edited December 17, 2016 by ifIonlyhadabrain

[catz]

I don't think you were rude at all. You just commented on the weather; the other lady should have smiled and passed the bean dip, but instead turned off her brain and started talking.

I agree, especially in this context.  She is an employee or a business owner and it isn't her job to quarrel with clients about their opinions.   That said, in another context chatting with a friend I think it would have been a fine discussion.

 

I live in an area that can have some weather extremes, especially in the winter and I have to admit I find focusing on it grating at times.   I find life more pleasant if I just dress well and find a sense of zen about it.  Very rarely do I consider it bad enough not to venture out to the world. 

Edited December 17, 2016 by WoolySocks

[SparklyUnicorn]

I don't "adore freezing my knuckles off", but I don't adore feeling weak and nauseous, which is what heat does to me, or itchy and rashy, which is what sun does to me, either. So, it really does get old when EVERY person you speak to complains about the cold and "can't wait" for summer/heat to come. Rationally, one can reason that it's not their fault you feel like crap (or become a hermit) for a whole season, but emotionally sometimes it feels like everyone wants you to feel like sh!t, when weather is such a "small talk" constant. So I have been known to expound on the virtues of cold weather, myself. Normally, I just say I prefer winter to summer, but if you're the tenth person to say the same thing to me that day, you just might get the "expanded" version. ;)

 

And even worse? The ones who bitch about all kinds of weather. Pick one to hate and be consistent or "get off my lawn"! :D

 

In the scenario you described, both parties are equal opportunity annoyers. It's a draw.

 

I bitch about all kinds of weather. I've concluded that I'm just sensitive to the weather.  I don't go on and on about it, but yeah it's either too cold or too humid...or too hot...or dark and cloudy.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My dad is like this - can't stand the way my mum and I kvetch about the weather. I guess it is kind of annoying if you're not the kind of person who enjoys some mild complaining.

 

I don't say a word about it around my husband because I recall him mentioning several times over the years that all his mother does is complain about the weather.  She is pretty loud and dramatic when she complains.  She'll whine, moan, yell and pout for like an hour straight.  It's comical.  But I suppose annoying after awhile.  LOL

 

I'm just matter of fact.  "The weather sucks."  And then I move on.

[Bluegoat]

often they come from areas that are FLAT and have fairly dry snow.  they have no clue what icy snow is like on a hill.

 

Well, I don't know. I mean, I'm sure some are, but I am sure it can't be all.   It's hilly and wet where I live, in a maritime climate, and we get lots of snow - my end of the country has that weather. There is only one road I've ever heard of  being closed except one part of one highway where there are huge whiteouts in a storm. 

[IfIOnly]

Those of you who deal with icy roads, do people use studded tires where you are? They're standard where we are from fall to spring. Still need to go slow and keep your distance but they help.

[creekland]

Interesting to read the comments.  The situation wouldn't have bothered me at all TBH.  I wouldn't have been uncomfortable, turned off, or even thought about it afterward.  It's just conversation.

 

Perhaps it's due to our travels (and places we've lived from FL to Canadian border NY) and having seen how people feel about the weather in every single place.  Those in upstate NY scoff at the weather we consider "bad" locally.  Floridians shiver just talking about it and wonder how we can stand PA.  All comparisons and how strongly folks feel that theirs is "correct" is just normal everyday conversation in my world.