S/O of the Amazon Go thread about interaction

[Night Elf]

I don't know how many people are reading that thread and I'm really curious about something now. Someone mentioned people would miss human interaction in stores. So I asked, am I the only one who doesn't interact with anyone in stores, or if I do it's laconic answers. I do not carry on conversations with strangers. I use self-checkout at Kroger and Walmart for all my groceries. If the machines ever glitch which happens extremely rarely, the employee uses the computer at his station or his handheld computer and fixes it without ever saying a word to me. They don't even walk over because there is no need to do so. And in Publix where there is no self-checkout, I do not really talk to the cashier. They ask if I found everything, I say yes, they ring me up, I pay, they hand me my receipt, tell me to have a nice day, and I say thank you. Is that interaction? Would it really be so bad to lose that bit of non-conversation? When the boardies mentioned human interaction, are they talking about carrying on conversations with strangers? I'd never do such a thing. If anyone talks to me, I respond with no more than a few words and turn away. I have no interest in striking up conversations with people I don't know. I find that so odd.

[happi duck]

I consider that interaction. I'm not a chatter.

 

When I'm having a particularly bad day a friendly cashier can actually make all the difference.

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

I think this is very person-dependent.  I do not like talking to strangers.  My mom, on the other hand, yacks it up with everyone.  She gets off an airplane and has the life story of whoever she was sitting next to.  I get off the airplane and could not pick out the person sitting next to me from a lineup.  

 

I hesitate to call it an art, but there just seem to be people out there who do not struggle to strike up conversations when it's fitting.  I've tried very hard to get better at this, but I haven't made a whole lot of progress.  I don't dislike it when a Chatty Cathy is in line next to me, but I'm just not the person who initiates conversation.  It's not just grocery stores... I struggle at a mixer-style party as well.      

[Bluegoat]

I am an extreme introvert and I don't tend to be very chatty with people in shops.  In part because with large shops, I often don't see the same people often enough to get to know them - it's impersonal.

 

But, it is an interaction, and I do at least recognize some people.  People need a certain amount of interaction to be healthy, and our society is giving fewer and fewer opportunities for that, and of poorer and poorer quality.  And that can actually make the interactions more stressful in some ways - they don't get a chance to become easy.

 

Machines replacing those are just more in the same direction - less to fill up the human contact tank, and the interactions you have, say if you have a problem with your purchase, become more impersonal and awkward. 

 

For some people, who are truly lonely, that will really impact them - they see few people at all as it is.

 

But there is reason to think from studies that as our regular interactions have gone down over the years, because of home entertainment and the decline of civic organizations, and automation, fewer local stores, etc, people have become less trusting and involved in their communities, more pessimistic about government and change through civic action.

 

I consider that a serious problem, and absolutely connected to things like replacing human interaction with machine interactions.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Bluegoat

[Night Elf]

Hmm.. I never thought I was interaction, but I guess it really is, just a very limited one. However, it wouldn't phase me at all to not talk to anyone at a store. I just don't see the point in it. I'm there to shop, not socialize. I have had some cashiers ask me questions but I don't really converse. Really, it bugs me. And usually, if I'm in a bad mood, a chipper person really gets on my nerves. Just let me do my thing and leave.

[Arcadia]

We stayed very near to a Trader Joe's when we rented. Everyday while walking home from Borders with my two under two in a Graco Duoglider, we would make a pit stop at TJ's sample station for kids to try the samples and for me to have a sample cup of coffee. The regular sample station lady knows the regular neighborhood "visitors" and the regular cashiers call my kids stroller "the baby limousine". Since we went daily, we bought smaller amounts of grocery each time.

 

Same for ToysRUs/BabiesRUs. We bought formula 6 cans at a time from a nearby TRU and the kind elderly male staff would take the one my kids need from the storeroom if the shelves run out, then load the cans into my kids stroller basket. We walked home from TRU so it was nice to just stroll home with formula and sometimes diapers as well.

 

I love self checkouts because I am picky about who I chat with. My husband would also aim for self checkout even if the cashier line maybe shorter. My main interaction has been with the staff replenishing stocks at TJ because they will check their backroom for me and even tell me when the next shipment is likely to come.

[Charlie]

My dd and I have long wished our local grocery store would offer "introvert" and "extrovert" lines like they do "15 items or less." Some days I don't mind, some days I just stay in my head and questions like "so... any plans tonight?" seem invasive and irritating.

[Guest]

I am not sad about giving up interaction. From my son working at a convenience mart, I think the positive is less scamming, so less theft, and prices dont have to be set to compensate. I dont consider checking out to be much interaction. And I am not really happy with customer service anyway, since several of the cashiers at the grocer would rather watch the elderly and disabled struggle to bag than help, and management isnt putting enough people on register so its a 20 minute wait to checkout usually at the grocer unless its a very unpopular time. So, yes, just put the box on the step. Saves gas to go back to home delivery. It frees my time up to do things like attend school board meetings, or socialize with the neighbors, or have conversations with my children.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Heigh Ho

[Farrar]

Well, I'm on record against the self-checkouts. I don't mind the interacting part. If I'm not in the mood, I just smile and pay. If I'm feeling in the mood, sometimes I'll be chatty with the cashier. I like that a lot of the cashiers at our regular grocery remember and ask about the kids. The store opened a couple of months after they were born so to a number of the longtime workers they sort of date how long they've been there, which is kind of funny. I do sometimes feel awkward about the interactions in boutique stores or places where people are obviously making commissions. But I don't hate that so much.

 

I wouldn't miss any of the interaction stuff if I switched to online more... But I already use online for a lot of stuff. I figure there will always be some human interactions happening, at least for the foreseeable future. 

[Pawz4me]

I'm a pretty strong introvert but I do think the loss of person-to-person contact within our communities is becoming a huge problem. And yes, even those tiny little interactions at the grocery store count.

 

One of my elderly and not-in-good-health neighbors called me over this morning when I was out walking the dog. I really, really didn't want to chat. We've only lived here eight months and I've spoken with him maybe four or five times. He seems to be kind of a needy old guy and I just wasn't in the mood and I had plenty I needed to get done. But . . . I stopped and chatted with him for ten or fifteen minutes. It was a very small thing that possibly was the highlight of his day and if I'm really honest was probably good for me, too. I probably needed to step outside myself and think of someone else right at that moment. I think one reason the country has become so polarized is that we don't want to take the time to talk to each other anymore. Not even about the little pleasant things.

[marbel]

I don't understand the intense dislike of interaction.  (Please note I did not say I judge or condemn or dislike anyone for it, just that I don't understand it.)  I am introverted, and very shy.  I don't love talking to people I don't know, and even when I do know people, I prefer to have conversation groups of three (rather than one-on-one) so I don't have to talk as much and carry the conversation.

 

But still... saying hello and engaging in a little chit-chat with people in stores or cafes or whatever is so innocuous but often so helpful to people.   

 

Especially during the holidays (at least here in the US where after Thanksgiving, people just get madder and madder till Christmas arrives), I think it's important to engage with people.  I often ask cashiers how their day is going and when I'm leaving, tell them I hope they have only happy, pleasant customers for the rest of the day.   I don't like complainers who obviously hate their jobs, but most retail workers I run into like their jobs, but don't always like the people they have to deal with.   (I started my working life in retail as a Christmas worker, so I know how awful it can be.)

 

Chatting with fellow customers in line can help ease tempers when the wait is long.  

 

I don't mind self-check and will generally use it when available, but if that method disappeared tomorrow it wouldn't bother me either.    

[EmseB]

I am one to engage people in chit chat, but I don't tend to think that will go away when automation increases. Certain specific instances of interaction will disappear, but I don't think store clerks are critical to socializing, or we really lose out without cashiers, if that makes sense.

[Guest]

I think it's dangerous to lose interactions. That's what humanizes people to each other. If we get too in our bubble, it's much easier to judge, dismiss, or trivialize others experiences. At least for me. I'm an introvert myself, but I love chatting with friendly checkers or salespeople. I would miss it. And miss out on great deals. It's funny how much people will go out of their way for you if you're friendly and kind. I've gotten extra coupons, free service. You name it. Not that that's why I do it. But it just goes to show you how much of a difference it makes in interactions. A computer isn't going to spend 30 minutes helping me find obscure codes to save 70% off of my Palais Royal purchase. A very friendly clerk on a slow night did though.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I can take it or leave it.  I can be chatty, and I can be just hanging out inside my own head.  I can see the allure of these self serve in and out stores because people are often in a hurry.  I don't go shopping if I'm in a hurry, but I have the luxury to do that. 

 

 

 

 

[marbel]

I think it's dangerous to lose interactions. That's what humanizes people to each other. If we get too in our bubble, it's much easier to judge, dismiss, or trivialize others experiences. At least for me. I'm an introvert myself, but I love chatting with friendly checkers or salespeople. I would miss it. And miss out on great deals. It's funny how much people will go out of their way for you if you're friendly and kind. I've gotten extra coupons, free service. You name it. Not that that's why I do it. But it just goes to show you how much of a difference it makes in interactions. A computer isn't going to spend 30 minutes helping me find obscure codes to save 70% off of my Palais Royal purchase. A very friendly clerk on a slow night did though.

 

 

This reminded me...

 

Sometimes around town I see this guy who looks to me like a grumpy, creepy old man.   Something about him just creeps me out.   One day I was driving with my daughter and saw him walking.   I said "Oh, there's that guy who creeps me out so much."   She said "Oh!  That's Jack!  He comes into [cafe where she works] a lot; he's so nice! Why do you think he's creepy?"  

 

Now, she wouldn't accept a ride home from him or anything like that, but at least she saw him as a real person and not as a type, and a negative one at that, like I did.  

 

(Not that he has ever offered her a ride home or talked to her any more than was appropriate for the situation.)  

[happi duck]

It can work the other way round as well. I've done cashier counselling sometimes :)

 

Cashiers are humans too - it's not a pleasant job, standing there serving people hour after hour, why not ask after their day, commiserate if they've been on their feet for a long time, have a bit of chit chat about the weather outside ?

Oh, yes! Definitely!

[SparklyUnicorn]

I like when I see the same cashiers over and over.  Makes me feel like I live here.  Might sound like a weird thing to say, but living in a city that I didn't grow up in can feel very impersonal and lonely sometimes.

 

 

[Slartibartfast]

I don't mind interaction.

 

All the cashiers know me everywhere I go because my son is a caveman and I am chasing or wrestling him half the time. It takes me a bit longer to get through the check out because there has to be a pause for me to take away the hand scanner and such. He is also very chatty and talks to them about video games (usually demented ones, "I am killing the world with this virus that I named, "poop")

 

If I run errands without my son everyone at Costco, Trader Joes, and Target ask me where he is, sad that he isn't with me, and how he is doing. :lol:

 

 

[TravelingChris]

I like having a small chit chat with people I meet.  Doesn't mean I always do it but I like to complement the checkers.  I sometimes talk with other customers in line or with the checker.  I am home alone most of the day most days.  Yes, I am an introvert but I still like seeing people. 

[JumpyTheFrog]

I wish I could remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that one key to making friends is to run into the same people around town unexpectedly. Something about those unplanned interactions is supposedly important in the process. Although I am introverted, sometimes when I daydream about living closer to my son's gym, I think about living in a bigger town would lose all sense of community because I probably wouldn't grow to recognize cashiers. Also, the likelihood of running into people I know at the store would decrease.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wish I could remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that one key to making friends is to run into the same people around town unexpectedly. Something about those unplanned interactions is supposedly important in the process. Although I am introverted, sometimes when I daydream about living closer to my son's gym, I think about living in a bigger town would lose all sense of community because I probably wouldn't grow to recognize cashiers. Also, the likelihood of running into people I know at the store would decrease.

 

I've never met people that way.

 

Maybe that happens in smaller towns? 

[Pam in CT]

I don't mind interaction.

 

All the cashiers know me everywhere I go because my son is a caveman and I am chasing or wrestling him half the time. It takes me a bit longer to get through the check out because there has to be a pause for me to take away the hand scanner and such. He is also very chatty and talks to them about video games (usually demented ones, "I am killing the world with this virus that I named, "poop")

 

If I run errands without my son everyone at Costco, Trader Joes, and Target ask me where he is, sad that he isn't with me, and how he is doing. :lol:

 

 

:lol:

 

Well dang, with a premier conversationalist like that to lead, I'm not surprised you're an engaged conversationalist...

[heartlikealion]

I find that more often than not people don't do a lot of talking in the stores. They may not even follow protocol. I don't love chit chat, but I do expect some level of acknowledgement. At least make eye contact and smile or something! When I was a cashier I had a couple of regulars that enjoyed having me help them. I'd make suggestions or mention sales or introduce them to rewards programs, etc. In fact, a couple of my customers found me on facebook and added me as a friend and I ran into the wife a few weeks ago when I was in town visiting lol. We chatted in line in another store. They are around my age and came in the store every week.

 

I do experience some human interaction when I go to the store, but it's not usually that much. The night before we celebrated dd's birthday an employee saw me getting a balloon that was not fully inflated. She suggested I take it to be filled back up. I didn't even know I could do that. Another employee tried but popped it. Then there was only one left. I said we didn't have to try if it was going to be risky. Luckily a friendly, young man that knew what he was doing filled up the balloon for me. I was very happy. Had there been no human interaction I guess I would have settled for a less appealing balloon. I got his name and if I ever go back to the store and need help with something he'd be someone I'd look for.

[Guest]

Hmm.. I never thought I was interaction, but I guess it really is, just a very limited one. However, it wouldn't phase me at all to not talk to anyone at a store. I just don't see the point in it. I'm there to shop, not socialize. I have had some cashiers ask me questions but I don't really converse. Really, it bugs me. And usually, if I'm in a bad mood, a chipper person really gets on my nerves. Just let me do my thing and leave.

Sometimes, I feel more like this. It's not my aim to have a chatty interaction with the clerk or the other patrons. However, if someone aks me about something or remarks, I will usually be friendly, not terse. I have had all sorts of short interactions with strangers that I think made my life better. Maybe it made their lives better, too.

 

I shared on here recently how the clerk at a bookstore asked me if I was a homeschooler on THE DAY, the hour that I was about to give up that dream of homeschooling. In my woo-woo opinion, that was a Divine appointment of some sort. I'm so glad I didn't just mutter, "no" and turn away. It changed the trajectory of my life, that one very short interaction with a store clerk.

 

Also, we've talked on these boards about people criticizing large families or whatever. Despite being an introvert, I make it a point to encourage lovely families when I see them. I know how wonderful it feels for a total stranger to say an encouraging word like, "You have such a lovely family." I try to pay it forward when I have the opportunity. One time, a lady ahead of me in line at Walmart had four kids with her, who were each painstakingly counting out coins to buy gifts for someone (I have forgotten who.) I wanted the mom to know I was not bothered that this was taking time, so I told her it seemed like she had such nice kids. She told me they were buying gifts with their own money. She looked so relieved at hearing something nice. I said something like, "That's good! It's good for kids to use real money; it helps them understand the value of things."

 

Anyway, I'm no social butterfly; I compare myself with my mom who chats up everyone everywhere she goes. I'm not like her at all. But I do like interacting with humans now and then and do think society is better for it.

[SparklyUnicorn]

There is one young male cashier at one of the Walmarts I go to (Walmart food store).  He once went on and on about the foot grooming tool I bought.  How great it is.  It was a little embarrassing.  LOL 

[Charlie]

There is one young male cashier at one of the Walmarts I go to (Walmart food store).  He once went on and on about the foot grooming tool I bought.  How great it is.  It was a little embarrassing.  LOL 

 

Sometimes I wish cashiers had a tiny bit of social engineering training. I don't generally like to answer the chipper question, "How's your day!?!" or "Got any plans!!!" because I hate shopping, I don't want to be there, I know it's just pleasantries, I never have great plans, but it's what you do. It's being social. Whatever. But when the only thing on the counter is yeast infection cream and a bottle of wine, you can't figure out how my day is going? Really? Come on!

 

:laugh:

[Murphy101]

I could do without some kinds of interaction. When I'm out with the kids for example, I could do without hearing the gasps of astonishment that they are all mine and thank god their husband got snipped.

 

But there's lots of interaction.

 

There's excuse mes when accidentally bumping each other or needing to reach in front of someone for a shelf item.

 

I had an entire convo last week with a woman who is temporarily taking care of her grandbaby and was so confused about the choices in the baby aisle. She walked over to me and asked what the heck she should buy. We had a good laugh about how complicated things have gotten and I told her what I'd suggest.

 

My husband had a convo with a guy a bit back in the baking aisle about what substitute to use bc they were out of what the guy was looking for.

 

Sometimes we chat with other people waiting in check out.

 

Once someone ahead of me paid for my entire purchase and cash left over.

 

Sometimes I don't interact with anyone at all.

 

But yes, the nicities of social interactions are good to practice too.

[Guest]

I could do without some kinds of interaction. When I'm out with the kids for example, I could do without hearing the gasps of astonishment that they are all mine and thank god their husband got snipped.

 

But there's lots of interaction.

 

There's excuse mes when accidentally bumping each other or needing to reach in front of someone for a shelf item.

 

I had an entire convo last week with a woman who is temporarily taking care of her grandbaby and was so confused about the choices in the baby aisle. She walked over to me and asked what the heck she should buy. We had a good laugh about how complicated things have gotten and I told her what I'd suggest.

 

My husband had a convo with a guy a bit back in the baking aisle about what substitute to use bc they were out of what the guy was looking for.

 

Sometimes we chat with other people waiting in check out.

 

Once someone ahead of me paid for my entire purchase and cash left over.

 

Sometimes I don't interact with anyone at all.

 

But yes, the nicities of social interactions are good to practice too.

What a lovely thing to do!

[Bluegoat]

I wish I could remember where I read it, but I read somewhere that one key to making friends is to run into the same people around town unexpectedly. Something about those unplanned interactions is supposedly important in the process. Although I am introverted, sometimes when I daydream about living closer to my son's gym, I think about living in a bigger town would lose all sense of community because I probably wouldn't grow to recognize cashiers. Also, the likelihood of running into people I know at the store would decrease.

 

 

I've never met people that way.

 

Maybe that happens in smaller towns? 

 

Jane Jacobs talks about this in THe Life and Death of Great American Cities.  It isn't just a small town thing, but it does tend to depend, she says, on something like traditional neighbourhoods, where there is a mix of residences, workplaces, and shops, and people will see some of the same people again and again.  Walking culture rather than car culture.

 

She also says that traditional arrangements of that type make it much easier to develop a friendship, because there are lots of neutral public spaces to get together with people without having to ask someone into your home, which many people feel is a more private space.

 

She took the view that more modern developments and city planning, at the time she wrote, tended to sabotage these kinds of interactions.

Edited December 5, 2016 by Bluegoat

[Stacia]

I like this story of social interaction:

 

Georgia girl, four, forms heart-warming friendship with lonely widower, 82, after noticing him by himself in a grocery store 

[marbel]

A lady walked up to me in Walmart and said "are you a coffee drinker?"  (We were not in the coffee aisle.)   Not sure what she was looking for, I said "yes, but not a coffee expert" because I didn't want her to ask me for advice.  She showed me a jar of instant coffee and told me that it was the best instant coffee and for only $1.60 for that jar, I should go get some for when the power goes out.   "You just stick it in the back of the cupboard till you need it!"  She was so sweet.   I could imagine her picking out people to give that piece of wisdom to.  I was kinda glad she chose me, kwim?   It seems like a good thing to have a face that inspires such interaction.  :-)  I guess?

[Lawyer&Mom]

I've lived in big cities for years and years now. I've had a lot of joy from relationships with convenience store cashiers. Small stores where you will see the same person every single time. You start to feel like a regular. They are happy to see you. You notice when they get a hair cut. They ask about your kids. None of this happens at the grocery store. Too many different clerks, you never build up a rapport.

[maize]

I don't go to stores for human interaction. I want to get my groceries and get out.

 

Our local store is big on training their employees to be friendly; usually that's not a problem because there are lots of customers in the store and every employee doesn't interact with every customer--so I might get one or two "how are you today?" or "are you finding everything you need?" sorts of interactions. One day though I went early in the morning--there were lots of employees stocking shelves and such and few customers, so every minute or two I had an employee asking one of their polite questions and needing a response. That really did get annoying; I wanted to focus on getting the groceries I needed, not engage in a long series of meaningless polite interactions.

Edited December 6, 2016 by maize

[SparklyUnicorn]

Jane Jacobs talks about this in THe Life and Death of Great American Cities.  It isn't just a small town thing, but it does tend to depend, she says, on something like traditional neighbourhoods, where there is a mix of residences, workplaces, and shops, and people will see some of the same people again and again.  Walking culture rather than car culture.

 

She also says that traditional arrangements of that type make it much easier to develop a friendship, because there are lots of neutral public spaces to get together with people without having to ask someone into your home, which many people feel is a more private space.

 

She took the view that more modern developments and city planning, at the time she wrote, tended to sabotage these kinds of interactions.

 

That makes sense.  And yeah I don't live in an area like that. 

[The Girls' Mom]

I talk to strangers all the time.  I often try to be friendly to cashiers, and try to brighten their day a bit.  I even have conversations with fellow shoppers.  (in fact me and an older gentleman with a rockin' beard had a whole conversation about the energy efficiency of the freezer isle in Kroger this week! lol)

 

It may be regional though?  I do live in the south.  We are a little chatty down here.

[The Girls' Mom]

Oh, and my oldest dd has worked up a whole group of buddies at the local Hardees.  It started with being friendly, and now she draws things for them all the time that they have hanging in the back..lol.  Sometimes they even come out and talk with her while she's eating.  She's a collector of people though.  

[Julie Smith]

I like seeing people around town and talking to them. I see them here and there, and we talk about various things. For example; 

 

The cashier at my grocery store has taught me a little Mandarin. She moved on almost 2 years ago but she had taught me a handful of phrases. 

 

I like to shop on Thursday's.

I love my Daddy. (I forgot why that one came up)

The weather is lovely.

My name is ....

[KungFuPanda]

I was that kid that the teacher moved around the classroom hoping to separate me from my friends and reduce the talking.  Ha!  I can talk to anyone.  If they take the cashiers out of the store, I can still strike up a conversation with other customers, or people in the parking lot, or people anywhere outside of the robostore.  I won't miss human interaction because I'll find people.  I have pretty decent radar for not annoying people who aren't up for a chat, but there's usually SOMEONE around who feels like talking.  Unless the robots put me into solitary confinement, I'm not worried.

[JumpyTheFrog]

 She also says that traditional arrangements of that type make it much easier to develop a friendship, because there are lots of neutral public spaces to get together with people without having to ask someone into your home, which many people feel is a more private space.

 

She took the view that more modern developments and city planning, at the time she wrote, tended to sabotage these kinds of interactions.

I heard an Art of Charm podcast once where the guest talked about the importance of "third spaces " (I think I have the name correct) like parks, city plazas, etc. to serve this purpose. It makes me think that in American cities today, coffee shops are about the closest thing we have to that.

[Serenade]

When I'm having a particularly bad day a friendly cashier can actually make all the difference.

I've had this experience, too.

 

I remember several times just being in a foul mood, and I lucked into extra nice cashiers and sales assistants that day, and those interactions really lifted my spirits.

[Night Elf]

I just want to add that although I prefer to be left alone, I am always polite and will answer questions. I just don't encourage it into a conversation. If a store employee asks if I had a good weekend, I say yes and then return the question. Usually I get a short answer. I inwardly groan if I've opened a can of worms and have to listen to a weekend report. That's the kind of interaction I find odd.

 

I am a regular at some places. I know faces but not names if they aren't wearing nametags and they know me and what I order. Of course that feels good. I just don't talk a lot.

[kewb]

I consider it a good day when I can get in and out of the store without speaking to anyone.

However, I am always polite to the cashiers because that is a thankless job. Customers can be real jerks. I have had plenty of conversations with elderly folks about various products all while getting their life story. I figure they are lonely and I might be the bright spot to their day. I don't know why they want to talk to me. Unless they sense my desire to rabbit and while I am thinking they are lonely they are thinking "poor women needs some socializing."

[Serenade]

I think this is very person-dependent.  I do not like talking to strangers.  My mom, on the other hand, yacks it up with everyone.  She gets off an airplane and has the life story of whoever she was sitting next to.  I get off the airplane and could not pick out the person sitting next to me from a lineup.  

 

I hesitate to call it an art, but there just seem to be people out there who do not struggle to strike up conversations when it's fitting.  I've tried very hard to get better at this, but I haven't made a whole lot of progress.  I don't dislike it when a Chatty Cathy is in line next to me, but I'm just not the person who initiates conversation.  It's not just grocery stores... I struggle at a mixer-style party as well.

I think this sort of thing can change over the course of one's life, too.

 

I know my mom used to be the non-chatty type with strangers, whereas my dad never met a stranger, KWIM? My mom even used to tease my dad about how he talked to everyone. Then my dad died. Fast forward nearly 20 years, and now my mom talks to strangers the way my dad did. She's even aware of this change -- she told me, I'm becoming more like your dad! I'm sure part of this is loneliness, and I think people can adapt and change according to what is going on in their lives.

[Zinnia]

I love chit-chat.  I tend to go to the store around the same time, and I will go to the same cashier over and over, so though I don't know them, at least they recognize us.  I've been using Kroger's Clicklist for the last few months, and they all know me and greet me enthusiastically.  If I don't have my kids with me, they'll ask where they are, that sort of thing.  And I LOVE it.  It seriously makes me leave with a smile on my face every.single.time.  

 

 

[Zinnia]

I've never met people that way.

 

Maybe that happens in smaller towns? 

 

This happens to me.  I live in a very large city, in an inner ring suburb.  

 

I go to a weekly Bible study of about 300 women.  I'll recognize some people, but not *know* them, you know?  

 

But then I run into them at Kroger, at Publix, at the soccer field, at carpool (one of my kids goes to public school), at the dentist.....And we'll strike up a conversation because we've seen each other so many places.  And then we know each other.  I also volunteered for a while with a local group of refugees, and there is a lot of overlap with people in the Bible study, people that I know through the neighborhood, and people that live in the main refugee community intentionally, so in many circles, I can find six degrees of separation quickly.  

 

I love this a lot, and even though our area of our city isn't great for my dh's commute, we are reluctant to leave because of the inter-connectedness of the place.  

[SparklyUnicorn]

This happens to me.  I live in a very large city, in an inner ring suburb.  

 

I go to a weekly Bible study of about 300 women.  I'll recognize some people, but not *know* them, you know?  

 

But then I run into them at Kroger, at Publix, at the soccer field, at carpool (one of my kids goes to public school), at the dentist.....And we'll strike up a conversation because we've seen each other so many places.  And then we know each other.  I also volunteered for a while with a local group of refugees, and there is a lot of overlap with people in the Bible study, people that I know through the neighborhood, and people that live in the main refugee community intentionally, so in many circles, I can find six degrees of separation quickly.  

 

I love this a lot, and even though our area of our city isn't great for my dh's commute, we are reluctant to leave because of the inter-connectedness of the place.  

 

Yeah I don't belong to a religious organization and my kids don't attend public school so that possibly might be a way to meet people in the city that just isn't there for me.

 

What is an inner ring suburb?

[Bluegoat]

Yeah I don't belong to a religious organization and my kids don't attend public school so that possibly might be a way to meet people in the city that just isn't there for me.

 

What is an inner ring suburb?

In most cities, there is a sort of downtown area and some city residential areas that are the older part of the city.  Then, outside of that, you start to get suburbs.  The first layer of suburbs are the closest in and generally the oldest - sometimes they still seem pretty interconnected to the downtown and are also built to be walkable with sidewalks and some shop areas, because they may have been built before cars were common - the older suburbs were intended to be connected by public transport.  Some seem pretty urban, now.

 

They contrast to outer suburbs which are generally newer, farther out, and built with cars, or even two car families, in mind.  Fewer sidewalks, no shops and maybe no schools, wider roads, and so on.

[Bluegoat]

I heard an Art of Charm podcast once where the guest talked about the importance of "third spaces " (I think I have the name correct) like parks, city plazas, etc. to serve this purpose. It makes me think that in American cities today, coffee shops are about the closest thing we have to that.

 

Yup, that's it.  I think coffee shops are what many places have too.  Libraries are the other one that seems to be somewhat common..

[SparklyUnicorn]

In most cities, there is a sort of downtown area and some city residential areas that are the older part of the city.  Then, outside of that, you start to get suburbs.  The first layer of suburbs are the closest in and generally the oldest - sometimes they still seem pretty interconnected to the downtown and are also built to be walkable with sidewalks and some shop areas, because they may have been built before cars were common - the older suburbs were intended to be connected by public transport.  Some seem pretty urban, now.

 

They contrast to outer suburbs which are generally newer, farther out, and built with cars, or even two car families, in mind.  Fewer sidewalks, no shops and maybe no schools, wider roads, and so on.

 

Ah ok.  We sort of have that, but that's just not how it really operates anymore.  Meaning people may live in that area, but they don't necessarily work in that area.  They may walk a bit, but they mostly drive.  There aren't many stores or shops anymore.  Most of that area is office space or businesses that provide services that aren't really geared towards the general public who walk in off the street. 

[Bluegoat]

Ah ok.  We sort of have that, but that's just not how it really operates anymore.  Meaning people may live in that area, but they don't necessarily work in that area.  They may walk a bit, but they mostly drive.  There aren't many stores or shops anymore.  Most of that area is office space or businesses that provide services that aren't really geared towards the general public who walk in off the street. 

 

Alot of city planning types feel that the creation of suburbs was really the beginning of the end as far as cities that created real communities.  The old suburbs are a little better, but still not great.